Newspaper Page Text
'•‘i:
i
K
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
As to whether slippers are comfortn-j
ble or not a boy thinks It depends on j
Where they are worn. j
The man who lores work is certainly ]
hard up for something to love.
When you get something for nothing
It generally costs you double price.
Speech- Is not always sliver when it [
comes from the drummer. Sometimes |
In those islands in the Pacific where
a man may live for $2 a year the scen
ery must be very nourishing.
It Is brass.
At the sideshow the ladles do not |
pause long to admire the armless won
der.
Did you ever hear of any one getting
licked by the man Who wants to gc
outside and fight?
They say nil Is fair In war, but the
soldier often finds that only hard tack
Is fare.
No- matter how dry a country Its
tracks may run through, railroad stock
Is always well watered.
Prize lighters think it Is better to
give than to receive.
! Did Noah succeed In listing all of the
j microbes, or did some of them get their
■ boat ride without buying a ticket?
Those who think dead men tell no
talcs have never reud the posthumous
stories of some of our great authors.
If It were not for foolB, perhaps the
Wise men would never be noticed.
There are some sins at which con
science winks. A man’s sleep Is always
sweeter If ho can beat the gas company.
We speak of hard work as though
there were some other kind.
If a candidate’s barrel Is largo enough
ho may hold whatever opinions lie
wants to on the vnrlous political ques
tions.
No prophet without whiskers is hon
ored in his own country or anywhere
else.
Some men are so deliberate that they
couldn't win even the slow race.
If you think that tomorrow never
pomes just give your note payable In
thirty days.
A man Is In luck if he gets away
from the dentist with the skin of his
teeth.
When you buy n set of dishes and the
man throws In some coffee you. may
have to throw It out.
A gas compauy Is ublo to throw light
on most any subject.
' There Is not much plot to a directory,
but every man can find one hero In It
If bis name 13 listed.
As soou as a gtrl gets too big to play
With dolls it Is time for the hearts In
the neighborhood to begin to throw up
fortifications.
Sausage, is something that must al
ways be taken on faith.
Perhaps Wisdom cries in the street »■**»■ «■ rl ? ht ,*> tra‘n u„
because she has not money enough to * cWlii } n he 8° Uie
, „ days when children would stand for
hire a hall. _ ! training.
You never hear of a poet writing an
ode to the man who
wastebasket
Invented the
As radium costs $6,000,000 a pound,
most men have to take on faith the
things that it will do.
If mice understood women, they
could have much more fun out of life.
As the Japa
nese go barefoot
ed In winter, our
shoe manufactur
ers would hardly
call them civiliz
ed.
Save your pennies, for you never
know when you will meet up with n
Blot machine.
Perhaps the person who first suggest-
i ed that the boy is father to the man
| noticed the shameless manner In which
- children boss their parents around.
An amateur huntsman tms a wonder
ful conception of a rabbit's speed. He
thinks that It Is able to outrun his bul
let
-In admiring an Easter girl no one
stops to give credit to the man who Is
paying tor her clothes.
Must Be That State.
“Speaking df educational Institutions,
what state is the electoral college In?"
"Must be the state of suspense, I
guess, if the result Is at all close.”
• Theory and Practice.
Tho bachelor thinks that he Is next
And that he would not be perplexed
Or spend In worrying his days
If ha had boys and girls to raise.
The man with an elephant on his
hands should bo enreful that he does
not drop It on Ills corns.
The maiden lady Is Inclined
To think that she could make them mind
Muoh better than their mothers do
Were she In charge of just a few.
When a man wants to be real mean
lo his wife ho asks her why she can’t
make pie like they used to give him at
the boarding house.
But let these experts try their fad
And double teams on one small lad.
Tou bet thoy'd find in half a day
That theories sometimes went astray.
No Other Way.
Cheer upl It may not all be so.
Cheer up and chase your frown.
Cheer up. cheer up, because, you know,
You cannot well cheer down.
Believe In Signs.
"What Is your idea In tacking up
that sign, ‘No Pishing Allowed,’ when
you know there Is not a fish In that
pond and that there never was?"
"Just one of my llttlo jokes,” replied
the simple agriculturist. “Whon them
city fellers como along and see that
sign they will sit for half a day with
their lines In the water waiting for n
Mte.’’
It Is a Live One.
“Do you think that minerals havo
life?”
“There is tho live wire, you know.”
Tho man who cannot marry a beauti
ful girl often finds one who la wealthy
a very satisfactory consolation prize.
When n boy Injures some one else
with a toy pistol It Is his father who
should get thirty days In jail.
Sometimes when you get acquainted
with n married couple you discover
tbnt one of the parts Is greater than
the whole.
Don’t put your trust In princes If
they nro tho backers for mining com
panies.
When a man’s tenth baby is born bis
friends -never find It out from him.
Substance that Is needed to keop tho
pot boiling at home should never be
need to keep the jack pot
If some men had their lives to live
over again, about the only different
thing they would do would be to place
their money on different horses.
What an Impartial man the critic Is
when he tears to pieces the production
of your rivall
If there -.was
not such a gen-
e r a 1 prejudice
against cats
sealskin sacks
might cost less
money.
Vnrlous pat
e n t medicines
claim to be able
to conquer
death, but what we want la one that
will knock out taxes.
Willing He Should.
"Fannie, I would die for you.”
"Would you really?”
"Indeed I would.”
“That sounds very nice, but I know
about you men. You are always prom
ising to do something that will make
us happy, nnd then you go off and for.
get all about your promises.”
No man figures it as an offset the
pleasure he had In the society of the
confidence man whllo he was being
taken la
Snap For HU Friends.
"Why don’t you buy your cigars by
tho box and save money?”
“Try It once, nnd you will see that It
saves money mostly for your friends,”
Inside Information.
She thought her diamond ring was fine;
She thought her lover true
Would not present her with a shine;
But, oh, the glass trust know I
The Proper Shade.
"It Is only natural that a man should
want to hnvo his gravo kept green.”
"I suppose so. Still, I should think
blue grass would be more appropriate.”
- Accommodating.
"Fritz, loan mo a ten dollar bill.”
"Bay, I havo a photograph of tho
only one I ever b«w. If you will be
real enreful of it I will loan you that.”
To-Make It Possible.
"Did you rend tho article on how to
UVe 100 years?”
"No, but I know the first thing to do;
don’t buy an automobile."
r ARDNER HOUSE
H. N. GARDNER, Propritor
RATE $1 DAY,
First class table. Rooms nicely
furnished. Porter at all trains,
'foul' patronaged solicited.
Montezuma, tial
Some men who doubt everything else
they hear believe every word they read!
In tho sporting extra. • j
Shoveling snow may be very health
ful exercise, but doctors who care to
bold their practice are careful not to
recommend it.
Contrary.
Mary had a little lamb
That tried to make a hit,
Bo everywhere that Mary went
It followed—aber nitl
Prosperity For Him.
"He Is the father of thirteen chil
dren.”
“Thirteen! That Is a lucky numbes
for his shoe dealer.”
WANTED—FAITHFUL PERSON
to call on retail trad# and agents for manu
facturing house. having woll-ostablished
business; local territory; straight salary
*20 paid weekly and expense money ad
vanced; previous oxpoi-iunco unnecessary.;'
posilion permanent; business mccosslul.
Enclose sell-addressed envelopo. Superin.
tendent Travelers, 806 Mon on Building,
Obioago.
J;, a# BsTAVftBN.
Wagon.
4 tt««k *««€• niqjkfi I® til Ito 1«|M %
(sputum* Iqpra €*v tatfttai m%i §
tilts ittii ttt pltti I® NNill ti j|L : •
The Dress Good
re of the choicest pro-
id uctoin. Gentlemen will
ifind my clothing to be of
the best that can be rtiade>
ShoBlogHoesto-
Stoves and Ranges
A solid car load of ranges,
cooking and heating •
stoves of the- most cele- v ’ -
brated makes to be -found v : ‘
on thb market, an de very ■ - ;
one guaranteed' to dogo6d ; £'° ,J
servidfe?. rVlC "’
Sewing Machines
Why pay the profit to a
wagoihr salesman When
you can get a better one
for hdlf the money here?
Hardware Stock
is the most complete in
this section of the state,
f«nd is selling at prices 1 "
that defy competition. 1 "
Call
lectioh^ i Sdita§te‘W‘afe
all.
Furniture.- 1 rc
fly fiTrhitute i&n YeAih*
all, a^lfte ^ices^WfiS^b'rt- co *
vince y6tt ! at a ! gi4ifc^.’ anc •
Underwear and *'
Hosier^ that will meet 1 '
®top**«* nces
your nppjrbyal in,prices as 1
well as ^uality. ' “ v ‘
HatfeiafedaOdpfeaps.
or eFtffyeMieyatfiarfikdUiusu-
lly iduWjptodJrices.
im
bug
Agr&Hftefdfriral Sasfta£feofii? ors .
auU Blind^N,
XP&m and Blind^ta&sM^iftg
tS^iSfl^rally.
For
oil
*5?