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Just II« \v i'
after
It I* • s - *.
tunic. r ,
Perhaps tlie vom-.
write the letter that ti
waiting for uncle Bam
gala sale of stamps.
Skating is not half so attractive to
the average boy during vacation aa it
is during the school season.
One way' tn
get even with a
mean landlord is
to buy your son
n toy hatchet.
Coal dealers
think we are
wasting one of
the best parts of the earth In not set
tling the territory around the north
pole.
When he wunts to prove that he Is 1
civilized Mr. Lo proceeds to have u high
old time.
It tickles a man to be mentioned for
president, but he cannot borrow money
on that.
The man who tells a lie when the
truth would do as well may only be
keeping himself in practice.
It is surprising how suddenly a fast
young man will slow up when his mon
ey is gone. |
It is one of the surprises of life to
find how quickly a girl will say yes to
the man who bus been trying for six
montliB to get up courage to ask her.
A woman is never as young as she
soys she Is.
A family Jar sometimep sours the
milk of human kindness.
A spoiled child Is apt to learn more
things at school than are taught there.
It Is never too late to mend, but it Is
often too hard work.
The man behind the shovel Is the
man who gets up steam.
Confidence men are those In whom no
confidence should be placed.
Many men are color blind when green
goods are being handled.
The resolution factories are not run
ning to their full capacity now.
Lawyers live by the grace of other
people's mistakes.
Hot air Is expensive when it comes
through the gas meter.
A do£ watch Is no good at your
ancle’s.
Jollity Is a great lubricator of human
friction.
On the Q. T.
If you'd like to try conclusions
With Dame Fortune, here's a plan—
Though you may get some contusions
And become an "also ran:”
Just contrive to get elected
For an nldermanlc term;
Have your conscience disconnected;
Then you'll rake oft cash to burn.
Fishing Is u peculiarly attractive
■port In a prohibition state.
Every woman thinks her husband
would be a winner if he just bad a
little more self assertiveness. ^
' In Japan they do not use the kiss as
• salute, and yet they are trying to
make the world think they are Civ
ilized. 1
If you live In a flat perhaps when
opportunity knocked at your door It
eooldn’t get past the janitor. j
When a 'drummer turns the other
Cheek It Is probably because that cheek
ia the harder of the two.
The Bets We Overlooked.
Wo ponder o'er our wasted years.
Our follies and our sins;
At times are all but moved to tears
As backward memory spins.
The many times that In the stew
Our gosling has been cooked
We scarce can count aa wo review
• The bets we overlooked,
There la the girl we might have wed
When we were young and fresh;
Another fellow got ahead
And caught her In his mesh.
Ber father's millions number three;
She as his heir Is booked;
•This must be charged to, thus you see,
The bets we overlooked.
Oho time a fellow came around
With tempting mining stock
To let us In right on the ground
At twenty cents a block.
We did not follow with our dough
When he hlB finger crooked!
Ife listed high and with also
i The beta we overlooked.
I
The worthy things that wa have missed
l Or lightly tossed away
I Would make, we feel assured, a list
From Denver to Bombay.
The worthless things on which we apart
Our money right along
That never brought us In a cent
Would make a list as long.
Cause of lb
“The climate of Alaska is not half as
bad as we had supposed. It la much
Warmer than the early explorers led us
to believe.”
“Possibly Dawson City la such a hot
town that It has had a modifying effect
Oo the climate.”
The Easiest Way.
"i did not know you were rick.*
"I’m not.”-
"But I saw you taking patent modi
due.”
"Haven’t I got as good a right ns any
ase to have my picture In the paper?”'
A Business Head.
“Johnny, I will
give you n quar
ter to tell me
what your sister
thinks of me.”
“All right, but
I would advise
you to give me
half a dollar not
to tell any one
else.”
Ring the Bell and Take a Transfer.
If It Isn't to your fancy,
Tour reception when you call;
If your pretty little Nancy
Does not linger In the ball.
Thrilled at what your glances foretell,
Blushing at your manner fine,
She Is not the only aesahell;
Transfer to another line.
If the man who's playing Shylook,
When you're sitting through the play.
Would muoh better be In dry doelc,
Setting moases scraped away,
Do not sit and worry through It,
While with rage your blood Is stirred;
Though you truly hate to do It,
Bing the bell and get transferred.
If the man for whom you labor.
Worry, bustle, slave and dig,
Doesn't treat you like a neighbor.
Tries to act tbo bloomin' prig.
Do not show that you resent It;
Keep still, do not say a word.
But you never will repent It
If you ring and get transferred.
Had Use For Them.
"How many dentists does that college
tarn out every year?” asked the Af
rican monarch who was going about
■eeing the sights.
“About 400,” replied the guide.
“I wish I had that college at home.
There la nothing I would like better
than to be ablq toldll a dentist every
morning before breakfast”
Where Patience Pails.
Perhaps by patience you may de
Most anything you try.
But tho most patient yellow hen
May sit and sit and sit again
Upon a door knob, but the trick
Will not produce a single chi ok.
I wonder why.
The Loan Bird.
“Was the oyster supper a financial
■access?”
•1 should say so! Everything was
donated except the oyster, and he wa6
ao well preserved that they can oae
him twice more.”
Gets There Occasionally.
Error does not always triumph.
Truth not always meets mishap;
Truth Is sometimes on the scaffold
Tying error for the trap.
What it Lacks,
If I posscuse*' a wui cloud
I think i‘d know enough
To pump tt full of water
Bo It could make a bluff.
fe He Guilty.
*T don’t believe that Clyde Fitch ti as
fonng a man as he dolma to bn."
"Why not?”
"WuU, we have to solve, tho mjwtuj
an tn who wrote Shakespeare's play* h>
One Differcure.
Ymj need not whid the
A Surer Thing.
"When X got
to be a men, I
am going to ran
a peanut stand,
and than I can
have cl! the pau-
zits : want.’
• autl When I
get to be a man.
I am going to be a policeman. That is'
an easier way.”
All In the Season.
J In summer shoveling snow appears
A pleasure quite enticing:
In winter you would rather take
Y our fun without tb^ Icing.
;,T ’• 11! «
u> pm.
. who \y
turf V r 1
»HB Or-FICB BOYS.
Once there were two Oft®' B >ys wlu»
were Minor but Bisson; ii ; ,rw ,.r t;. a
i Works 4f a Large. Eaiahi shmvuit.
! One, named itill, vrn > ndufiuod by 'll
‘Experts to lit' n'»io: Member. T!*«*
{Irani,•« v, maths that -itc
;#d§ 'Indy
*JLC\ ti . ,1 eristic, tor hi. was not
’."‘'Utter Me,liber of
' 'pt' the Ant'-Clgiivetta'
•k Lonnie, lie Purchased
First Edition.-, of rd of
fhe Latest s> car
Woru.i ns Homi :is they
wen- Out nu-i wanted
his jilmnloytx'H Time
Chlfullng the Type
writ.:;-. The Other hoy. N:..',t'u , 'bar
ley lull . ;-n I.Illei! limit,y out «
Sunday, t ■ hool itooi:. l-lo Conscien
tiously tried to Ailviinee th- tiller. •» s
of Ills itlrapk'i'i'r, ■ i> Bill v
Allowed him to do Must of ,
Bill Aiwa: s iir> left «
flee ejgllB In ills f’ocki' 1 .
to Ins Younr Lady Friend;
Acquiring mi Bklnctiilon; .
w«s Scrupulously lfonest
not take a Cepeeled C bon Pos:
Stamp out .)£ the Waste a: ■■■
out lirst Asking Permission.
'Pm mill.re of U elr work Rrf>'*r
them In Close Contact with the up
n large, WIs" ir. n who i
nine Mori' n Block Away,
to Tltno Obi rley Offerofl
Suggestions about Cc,In
ducting tile RusiniAs,
but BUI didn’t care what
Happened to the Firm
so long ns it iltil not
Foil Before Pay Day
When they had Grown
Tailor and Merited Pro
motion, the Boas called
BUI Into his Office and
said; “William, you are
Young, but u Good Jollier. So, I am
going to Try you On the Bond Selling
to the Trade. If You Make Good, there
Is $3,(KiO a Year and Expenses Jji It."
Bill Retired to figure on the Possi
bilities of the Expense Account, and It!
was Charley's Turn. "Charles,” snld
the Boss, with n Kindly Smile. “Your
Long uml Faithful Services Deserve
Recognition. You are promoted to Run
the Elevator."
Moral.—Virtue Is Ua Own. Reward,
and that ia About All that it Gets.
A Foregone Conclusion,
Just ask a girl of thirty-eight
If she would care to splice;
For her reply you need not wait
Nor ask the question twice.
They Need Protection.
“What are you going to do with tbo
(eat of that pie?”
“Give It to the dog.”
“Don’t yon know there Is a society
for the prevention of cruelty to ani
mals?”
A Slight Reservation.
“Bo Jenkins lost everything when he
failed r
“Yes. All was lost bat honor end
what be bad In bis wife’s name.”
Misses One Trial.
Tkue, Moses was the meekest man
Perhaps that ever west
But then It never was his lot
To drop a niokel in the slot f
And get the busy buss. . K
■<%!&
By One Point
"Tray was a good dog."
"Yes, but Four Spot was better.”
TH- m •• ‘T >
^ a .... -*
n-v.s, is |
i.r x it. Jjnald Slock t
jttd door from tho cor- |
| ner where a select line is .
I being closed out to give |
i room for groceries. t
THE NAME
A
* < simple *an 1 easily re
ut;.Tib red- The goods Tre
the i>e5t and the prices
Ia v down. Groceries will
be the main stock, and
' from \i you can supply the
needs of the home or the
firm.
f W. F. NEWBY.
j
Farm Machinery
Cuit ators, Disc Plows,
AGRICULTURAL IMPLEMENTS
Pumps, and Farm Tools generally^
Undertakers
Burial Robes, Coffins and Caskets
We strive to pleas our customers.
GUMMING&WEBB.
] 1. CEOEGJA.
JjL—
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
It seems queer that doctors sboald
choose to go to health resorts when
they take a vacation.
People who are always right may be
toe most admirable, but they are very
Uncomfortable people to Uve with.
The woman who refrains from say
ing “I told you so” has wonderful self
control.
Poise Is that qnallty that says to all
comers that superiority Is a thing with ;
Which you have not s speaking ac- .
gualntanco.
Beauty la a veneer that la put on at i
so much u square Inch hy the beauty
culturlsts.
Love may have been born blind, but
kb haft bad several eye openers since.
Lr.sy people are not afraid of over
work. They !n*ow that Cor thorn tt Is
harmless.
Wont is a counselor that talks to
Argument has no show when desire
«mea before the footlights.
By Their Works
You 1 Shall Know Th
*
PIANOS
Organs and Sewing Machines.
THE BEST IS THE CHEAPEST.
Por the Best, get the
Pianos and
Organs, all kinds
CROWN
The best things In the world are
T «roe that *re,riven
GET THt BEST.
The Igirllr fcev-in* Mishin®
Leads the ilVorlJ
Most Too
***«-. .1-1'Uma In a much Married man
| jtrrrT
••ft >• tins to. 1 undcrotand frmi
| ' ’.'Is. that he finds he has mu>'
! ;l-,u -S.e family.”
likes at be used aa a rtepping
- by life IV- uAf.
k I: <? mrtt bad mlallta that
' i- oa tlio fffepMttiooe ot
1 -- -.ita Ji-itCVA
Tuning a id repairin' dons V Prof W. R. Saiti*.
®ui*; n>
Drop me x c*jxr1.
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