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Ton might well guess that It would
be a cold day when a thief would steal
a hot. sto^e.
At a wlilst congress ii-oiv la no posi
tion of ho-.;nr for ilie c
Many great men caati ; 1, but It
flow tit i :;*> •• iuat all wim ai.not
•pell are great.
i In n restaurant whore the service la
glove the patron often thinks that if
things v”ore ealliHl by their right names
be woultfSj* termed tho waiter.
In sending Utdrtltnro to a condemned
f ttrderer do not bother ubout including
treatise on how to live' 100 years.
It is no time to ask n man for a favor
When he Is breaking in a new pnlr of
•hoes.
Weutiior that Ellis the winter wheat
has no effect on tho ragweed,
When a man's work compels him to
r np at 4 o’clock in the morning, ho Is
no mood to appreciate tho Bunrlse.
Adversity applied regularly three
times a day Is tho greatest euro In the
World for swelled head.
Strange to say, the knights of rest do
Hot enjoy life if they have to put lu
their nights resting.
It is a matter of geography whether
• bullfight or a prize fight Is consid
ered the more brutal.
There Is grim satisfaction to the man
Who Is Wearing an Imitation diamond
When he' meets n holdup man.
The Circling Seasons,
Spring and mud are here again.
Sides are blue and clear again.
Robins' whistle cheer again.
Working overtime.
Slushy pools bespatter us.
Broexes brutes and battsr UA
Noisy beggars flatter us.
Reaching for a dime.
Canvassers come boring us.
Festive grip Is flooring us.
Sunrhlno Is Ignoring us
Nearly every day.
Out the gontlo spring again
Evidence can bring again
That It's In the ring again.
So wo will be gay.
Naturally.
“How Is tho can business this
spring?" asked tho inquisitive man of
the tinner.
“Uushlng” replied the cheerful me
chanic.
done
When You Awake.
I sit and smoke and vaguely dream
And wonder how tho thing would soem
If I had wealth gnlore to blow—
About a million, cold, or so.
I’d buy a modest private yacht,
A cottage In a charming spot,
And for a placo to settle down
A hnndsoino brownstono front In town.
Tho pipe that fondly I caress
Would give way to cigars, I guess;
The clothes that dress my manly form
Might servo to keep a vagrant warm.
Tho girls that now reject my suit
Would at my lightest nod salute;
The men who pass me on the street
Would stop and touch mo for a treat.
*Tis sweet to dream and scheme and
puff,
But tho awakening Is rough.
I wonder how with groan and doubt
I’ll make my seven a week pay out.
His Medicine.
“How did Blinks settle his breach of
promise case?”
“Hp compromised It and married the
girl"
"Ah! Tho Judge gave him a life sen
tence and fined him the amount of bis
pay every flaturday night"
The man with an elephant on his
bands should bo careful that he does
not drop It on bis corns.
When a man wnnts to be real mean
to his wife be asks her wby she can't
: mnkc plo like they used to give him at
the boarding bouse.
Came as a Comforter.
The strong man bowed bis bead and
stood <?n Uls doorstep, the picture of
misery.
His doorstep now, but hotf long
would he be able to call It his own?
He. wns expecting an ablebodied !
mortgage ts dlt# in most any moment
and tell him to lilt. j
Tho gate latch clicked; tho sound of I
footsteps fell heavily on his eara. Ho
did not look up. Was it the sheriff
como to do his wobst?
But suddenly n voice rang out, "Hol
lo, dudl”
It wns his only son wbo had run
awry from home yeavs ago and now
came buck wearing good clothes and
an air of prosperity. He would save
the old home. The father clasped the
boy to his lienrt. Briefly be explained
tho predicament.
"How mu«h do you owe, dndl” ask
ed the boy, feeling In bis pooketB.
"A thousand dollars,” solemnly re
plied the father.
“Is that all?” asked tho youth, bring
ing out from bis pocket n plug of to-
baceo and offering the old man a chew.
“Well, cheer up,” ho ndded. "I owe
$1100,000, and the only thing that Is
bothering me Is that I can’t find a
plnoo to owe souio more.”
Spoils the Pleasure.
I like to haunt tho smoking ear
And revel In n good cigar,
But, I confess, I’m fteo to say
That enr's a placo of blasted hopes
When soma ono lights one of the ropes
The politicians give away.
Must Be That State.
“Speaking of educational Institutions,
What state Is the electoral college In?"
“Must bo tho state of suspense, I
guess, If the result Is at all close.”
DISTANCE LENDS ENCHANTMENT.
You long to play In gentle May,
When winter, king of frost, holds sway,
Or sit and spoon In leafy June
To pass an hour or so away.
i When It is hot, as'like as not
’ You figure snow would touch the spot,
But let It fly, and soon you cry
The weather mixer should bd shot
• There is a charm when safe from harm
Sweet poems on the snow disarm
And calm your
fear, but when
It’s near .
You’re apt to view
it with alarm.
Por sleet and Ice
seem cool and
nice,
But when you’ve
met them once
or twlcp
You'd skip nway
to Florida
If you but bud the needful price.
When frest and rlrna are In their prime
And cold almost Incites to crime.
You wonder why you wished them nigh,
And long for good old Bumpier time.
Ton wish for days when autumn haze
Somewhat obscured the sun’s X rays,
(J:- I J'd;
Ah' 1 ... ...' ... ..tee.
The Chsracler Witness.
“Were you ever In prison?" asked
the lawyer of the witness who wns
trying to prove that he had led a
blameless life.
“No, sir," replied the witness In
dignantly.
“Ask him If he has ever been in con
gress,!’ whispered the man who wns
coaching the attorney, In u tone load
enough to be heard by the jury.
Another Point of View,
“Do you believe that war Is all that
Sherman said?”
“Sherman did not live In another
country and have 8,000 bushels of
Wheat to sell.”
Cheer. Upl
Cheef upl The prloe Is Just the same.
Cheer up and put your grouch to shame!
You need not take a license out
To laugh when you’re Inclined to pout.
It does not cost a cent to smile,
And, truly. It Is well worth while.
Cheer up!
Cheer up! The sun will rise and set
Though you, perhaps, have lrt nt a bet.
There will be things to drink and eat
Though you arc long on panic wheat
gupposo your bank account Is shy-
gome girl may kiss you on the sly.
Cheer up!
Cbeor upl Remember worry kills.
It's better medicine than pills;
It boosts you merrily through life;
It makes you solid with your wife,
And when you amble up the flume
The neighborhood will be In gloom.
Cheer up!
A Genii. P — .
"It Is a sham-
to thut horde's
“Peril: ’ ’ locked for being
late at’ V * • "
Nothing Is quite bo distressing as to i
listen to an amnicur swearer trying to
make you think that he la a profes
sional.'
Even- ^Ibg has its day, but there uri
flogs that richly deserve thirty days 1
and costs.
If you have it In for a druggist, the
way to get even is to buy all of your
■tamps of him.
Naturally baldhcaded men think that
football Is a foolish game.
Strenuous health oulturists who live
so one meal a day would be applying
to the humane society if they had to.
It might be a surprise to sorao grocers
to learn that there aro sixteen ounces
, to the pound.
j It is nil right to lock the door after
' the horse Is stolen, for who would want
to lose the new horse before getting
acquainted with him?
| It Is human nature to spend 75 cents’
worth of time getting a fifty cent pass
to a theater. |
When a grass widow can collect nll-
giony, she Is In clover.
THE BOBSLED.
Hu old fashioned sleigh, with tho box full
of hay,
For runners a pair of rough, unpalntcd
bobs;
A steady old team, with Just enough
steam
To Jog down tho highway and Jolt over
. knobs,
And huddled together In orlsp winter
weather
A party of young folks warm, happy
and bright— •
Oh, that was a pleasure forever to treas
ure,
To talk about still on a cold winter
nlghtl
|THE PLACE|
| To get work shrits, fine |
t shirts, shoe's 'vid hr.ta, is 1.
McDonald Block, ♦
toor from the cor-
,re a select line is
dosed "out" to gi ve
. or groceries/’
I _ dE NAME I
* is simple and easily re- i
memb.:red. The goods are X
- he l>edt and the prices
\ <owdv>wh. ^ roceries will ♦
j he the main stock, and X
i from it you can supply the •
♦ needs of the home or the |
j farm. |
f , W. F. NEWBY. {
H4,m.
Easy A Keep.
“I haven’t broken a single New
Year’s resolution yet"
“Bemarkahlel”
“I didn’t make any.”
Does He Fall?
j. G &
i
m
— r -
With blankets and wraps of buffalo per
haps
And plenty of eomforts to keep out the
frost
You sped down the road a live, Joyous
load,
Your laughter and shouts In the distant
hills lost.
And then when tho moon mado midnight
as noon
Tho horses turned homeward, the wind
might be raw,
But who would complain when each coun
try swain
Was nestled down oloso to a girl In the
straw?
Tho bright modern slelgb Is chipper and
gay;
Its outline Is grnceful, Its regular curve
Is pleasnnt to spy, and as It sweeps by
Behind a swift roadster you pause and
observe.
A flash! It Is-gone, and then you Jog on,
And as In tho distance Its form fados
away,
Wherever you are your mind wanders far
To the old fashioned sled with the box
full of hay.
Had the Evidence.
“Did you know that the Abies were
•mong the first families iu New York?”
“That Is news to me. 1 never see
their name In the society columns.”
“No; but If you will look lu the di
rectory you will find them on the first
page.”
Knocks the Romance.
To take a trip aboard a ship
Across the bruad Atlantic
And sail and sail through calm and gait
Is said to be romantic,
But when In pain with might and main
Seasickness you are fighting
And long for land on which to stand
The romance goes u-kltlng.
Farm Machinery
Cultatar*, 3! ?; > > v J,
AGRICULTURAL IMPLEMENTS! ,
Pumps, and Farm Tools gen^rally^
Undertakers ~
Burial Robes, Coffins and CiiksTi
We strive to pleas our customers. T-
~~GUIVIMING*W£33
11, ( HI (1A.
J£-
By Their 'Works
You 1 Shall Know h
PIANOS
Not Por Home Consumption.
“All governments,” said the orator,
working himself Into a frenzy, “derive
their just powers from the consent of
the governed.”
“Yon Bhotild have seen the side show
Bt our house,” observed his small son,
Who was In the audience, “when I
that on pk this mo ruing.”
bon.cthifij Like R,
"They put their !itUe weHt. cn town
When no one observation takes
■When scoffers are t.ot nigh,
ril but your .vegetarian makes
Corned beef and cabbage fly.
Knew What One Was,
“Have you read the four most povu-
l n'ar hooiif* of the yo -r?”
i “No. V; Lat ui« the other throe bo-
Sido the chock booh?”
te&t-oip."
Appears to have U
One Point Shy. ,
“What Is your opinion of the bach
elor girl?"
“All I can say Is that she is no gen-
demon.”
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
At some boarding bouses none bnt
the brave can face the fare.
Tb"r vou are spending money the
rio.usver asks yon how you
pot it.
Jcroiuiln Grusrt.
In the older settled portions of Tex
as ‘here are many hundred acres of
Bei i. ,Ju Bud. covering hills, slopes uud
valleys, says Form and Rnnoh; Usual
ly . • Is Bermuda iu grazed in death. No
theuf-ht U taken for lt» Improvement,
it’s Jus* an old Bermuda field. Yet
Bermuda responds to care and nttsn-
1 tlnn us much .is any plant. The Mis-
: a'- u.uUu-1 b— tcu.-.’J D.ruAuda
hay and found it superior to the best
Umo’.hy for horseo and mules at work.
[ On valley bottom lands It yields three
I tons each year, and the hay is salable.
Holly bugs do net attack It. Fire and
wiur. do not hurt It Storms cannot
blow It out of the boll. How would It
1 uo. Mr. Brazm Bottom Planter, to mix
i a little Bermuda lu with your cotton,
xifjii'ipn, alfalfa, poaches, Johnson
/rush and such truck? It occurs to us
.lac a good piece of land would have
- .a. • to,(lo its beat It no Here grew
i f'-lfu in the winter and Bermuda In
• summer. “Will they work togetb-
Both are so strong headed we
riunk they will.
Organs and Sewing Machines
THE BEST IS THE CHEAPEST.
For the Best, get the
fiB OWN PiANOS ™ 1
V/JLVV/ *" ■*■’* Organs, all kiirfli
GET T"“
riS" fl. _ t f- ;
I Ii« f c, iiis’f'i' cfV efh£
Lead;*- , i’ 1 3 • 1. >.i I
Tuning ami r3pairing done by Prof, 'AT. > i . i l
expert whose w>rk. i4 ; 11* i its jI. i
Drop me r card, stating your wants, and it shall
receive V .• -'don.
J. fl. NELSON, Cordeff, • "