Newspaper Page Text
It Isn’t exactly desirable to bare
promising men owe you money.
It takes quite nwhl'c
grow up and know as
tber.
A family qoerrol 's
long ns ’be neighbors -
about It.
;'i<r u' bo.\
•ttle.B bis
Experience ni.
always on attr’'-
Borne fompp .
tbev ,-nn..ot g:
sale.
ilg.lll; .
«• as It s
lain sl)u:.i
h usbii nu
the
• two be
aus tbur
:
rn
It Is Cl ucl OX . I(!"V|
Tbc more money a man gets the more aletyi, for his wl.'.i is
nerves bis wife has. awake oil night to list-.
Fish may or may not make brains, 1
bnt they are certainly food for the li.i-
nghmtion.
Nearly every yonng married wom
an thinks that her chum’s husband Is
too good to ber.
A spoiled child Is perhaps easier to
get ulong with than a spoiled parent.
Perhaps you would not bo disap
pointed that a policeman does not
know everything If you could see his
pey check.
Poverty is a pretty
good cure for dys
pepsia.
Nothing Is sadder
than a lady who la
past that age trying
to look cuto.
Few men are bo stiff In the Joints
that they ennnot stoop to pick up a
twenty dollar gold piece.
Nothing short of drowning will brenk
o boy from going In swimming, and
most parents think' that treatment Is
too soVcre.
With tho plumber, killing time Is sy
nonymous with tilling the bill.
When patience ceases to be a virtue,
should It be run In by tho police!
Your Friend the Assessor,
In tho spring tho lilltho mmsHor
With hlB bonk coinis mi. ■oping round.
Ab n bold and able gucsBer
Can bln equal well bo found?
For the follow thinks you’re worth
Just about one-half tho earth.
With his pen and pencil nimble
Every thing 1 goes on tho list;
From your diamonds to a thimble
Not nn article Ib missed.
Deep he prlos Into your soul
Thut tho statu may have Its toll.
Boon as you can breath recover
you reply In accents bland
That In looking ho’U discover
All your stuff Is secondhand
And your goods would hardly pay
Any tramp to take away.
But he calmly goes on writing.
Though a hard luak song you sing
Of the poverty that’e biting
And the poorhouse In the spring,
Heeding not your plaintive roar,
For he’s mat your kind before.
Some men ■ -ini cun
whenever they ■■tin' t>-
their money runs out
big to.
kJ
talk n
fired to
nult -driui.lug
« . quit v. yc i
v - bout warn
: c
; 2k‘ y.)
| U.C-' w
Dead men tell no tnlcs. but dotm
politicians sometimes tell tales out ti
school.
When a boy discovers tnat the stories
In the dime novels arc not true it is
hard to get him to believe auy thins
else.
Sometimes n fisherman's catch la
doubled because he carries along a,
bait that causes him to see that way. |
i
Nothing succeeds like success unless
It Is the failure of an enterprising
clothing merchant
Just now the
wild waves ore
saying thnt It is
n waste of time
to come to tbc
seaside without
money.
A woman who
claims to love
ber husband
might provo it
by forgetting
about the house
cleaning date.
Few people tell a critic Just what
they think of him to his faco.
Hu.
t! .
vo.:
call
l’er
over
OWti '
•Fro
Slvc.
Before a man
t married be
•» noi think
■ he will ever
jroud of tte
-ties his wife
picked up
h bargain
■ mtsr.
c requires an
-.pert not to
u ’go a cigar by
) price.
..(it ao’-ip men are
about than otb-
itry had
•f them
"rglnr
• ciuon'.-
T|,o following li on*
lot ...any unsolloltsdlet-
jtlmonlilii
Dothan, Ala.,
April 18,’04.
T have used La-
-mar’s Lemon Lax
ative in my family
and would not be
without it. It is
c.c rtainly a valua
ble medicine.
J. A. Mat,
Chief ot Folio*.
Lamar’s Lemon j
Laxativo cures ■
Constipation, Bil
iousness, Indigos-
tlon and Headache.
Acts promptly
and powerfully on
the bowels yet is
gentle and pleas
ant in action
does not gripe or
sicken. It can’t
hurt you——it can
help you.
y more
'!e the:
much
8n tall at all good drag otoroo. SO dmi for SO eonii.
OWNBD AND MANUFACTURED BV
LAMAR, TAYLOR &. RILEY DRUG COMPANY, llaoon, fla-
OK
Daddy Must Keep A'dlgglng.
After all the bills aro pnld
For the fikiBtor girl's parade
Comes the hope to daddy’s breast
He can take a little rest.
And he feels that he can blow
On himself a little dough.
Out tho latest in a hat
Or a modsst now cravati
Possibly can spend a dim*
For a private high old time,
Purchase on the sly wet goods
For sn outing In the woods.
But his plans os they unfold
Got a dash of water oold;
Borne one whispers in his ear,
“Trousseau wanted, daddy, dear."
Neutrality Explained.
"I Bee be the papers," said Mr. Doo
ley’s cousin, “that the Oblnnse are go
ing to be neutrul.”
“And what Is neutral?” asked Mr.
Hennessy's uncle, who had Just drop
ped lu. “Is It a shirt washery or a rat
lncoobnther?’’
“Whin you’re neutral, Hlnnessy,’’ re
plied Mr. Dooley’s cousin, “you kape
your shlllnley hid away under your
long tailed coat and only hit the lnlmy
whin he isn't looking.
“ ‘It's not me scrap,’ says the Ohink;
It’s me,’ ho says, ’to the laundry,’ he
Bays, 'and may tho best man win,’ he
says, ‘which .the Itooslans,’ he soys,
’being bears,’ ho says, ‘and not men,'
he says, ‘you may draw your own con-
clooslons,' ho says, 'as to where me
sympathies are placed,’ he says. ‘And
If Japan,’ he says, 'can lick ’em single
handed,’ he says, ‘we’U help,’ he says,
•put on the finishing touches,’ be
■ays.’
“Is It plain to you now what neutral
manes?’’ asked Mr. Dooley’s cousin.
“It’s as clear os the mud in the duck
pond,” said Mr. Hennessy’s uncle.
“It Is all of that,” said Mr. Dooley’s
cousin.
She Knew Hew,
Johnny—Let's play we were married
and keeping houce.
Bessie—No; mamma said we most
aot quarrel.
Use of Feme.
Fame la not such a bubble
As some folks try to tell.
For any old thing that you writs
At your own price will sell.
Started a Panic.
“Hold up your habdsl"
As the reader may guess, these fate
ful words were uttered by two bold and
despemto highwaymen, and the steel
of their revolvers glistening In the
moonlight mado tho request seem even
more emphntlc.
"Certainly,” replied the citizen, re
taining his presence of mind, that ap
pearing to be the only thing that he
could hope to retain under the circum
stances.
“Go through him, Bill,’’ commanded
the leader of the bandits, who stood
back and held his revolver at a sugges
tive angle.
"Couldn’t you take my coat also?"
asked the citizen with a drawl, as the
bandits made a collection of his valn-
| ables.
| “You must have escaped from the ln-
, sane asylum,” said' the holdup man In
reply.
j "No," replied the victim, still talking
In a drawl. “From the detention hos-
1 pttal. They had me quartered ob a
smallpox suspect, and I'd like to trade
’ coats with somebody to fool the offl-
; cere who are In pursuit of me.”
i But the latter part of the sentence
{ was wasted on the air, for the bandits
had dropped his property and fled.
Trouble may come when we are
looking for It, but not from the direc
tion In which we arc looking.
When tire balloonist wants to have
his wages raised he puts them In his
pocket and takes them along on his
flight
The Best Joke.
Somehow the joke that suits you best
Tho story, smile compelling.
The brightest quip, the neatest Jest
Is one ot your own telling.
Tho Incident Is pat and bright
The moral always fitting,
And all In all the thing Is quite
Amusing--nay, side splitting.
Something that happened by the way
RcmlntlH you of a s ary.
And you proceed without delay
To spring one old and hoary
That strikes you on tho tunny bone
And seems so ciuo and witty
That when your hearers want to groan
They laugh, too, nut of pity.
Alas, alack, the brightest tale
That seems to you a Killer
Is one that on the ark took sail
And antedates Joe Miller,
But still you fold It to your heart
As though It took the money
And spring It when you would be smart
And wish to be real funny.
But, ‘oh, your punishment Is swlftl
Your hearer will not suffer
In silence, but his voice will lift
And tell you one that’s toughen
Straight faced, though laughing In his
sleeve,
The man his heart will harden
And tell one Adam told to Eve
While walking In the garden.
”•
1
■ n - «
q v •( * ■
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i hi
"i(ed C
•*. from
• V Facte
I'l.oitt;.
"«?s( JK
■ OWll' -
jY vVAR f
ww; rmupwwr
NTE
$ m, a
fo:
8 4
YEAi'tS
it St j f
Discovered Later.
“Did he marry a uew woman?”
“Well, after he look ad i;p-c! s record*
he foued she was not as iv>>w <u he bud
thought. ’
Their True Worth,
Some* who art* woi-f’’ •' .
W< *,»!«• jirovc th-y :■ x- «...
At-.<3 rot! fuj* V-
If ..-t n* cfcTjuxil
All HU Fault.
That he may smile while you perspire
The postman thinks it’s fun
Whim it’s love letters you dc3lre
To hand you out a dun.
Real Patriotism.
“A mac must die but once, and how
can be die better than for his eonn-
try?’*
“You forget, professur, abont those
South American generate who htive to
die once a mouth for their country In
order to hold their jobs.”
Where They Were Different.
A consumptive individual with one
foot In the grave and n bunch of corns
on tho other was standing on the street
corner sunning himself and wondering
If the laBt three bottles of sure cure
would do the trick when he met up
with a Smooth One wearing Vandyke
Whiskers and new clothes.
“Haven’t I seen you somewhere?”
asked tho Smooth One after a cordial
greeting.
“Possibly,” replied the consumptive
dryly. “I have been somewhere quite
frequently.”
“But, joking aside,” returned the
Smooth One, “you remind me of a gen
tleman 1 met In New York who owned
three banks and a match factory and
who lind been mentioned for congress."
“Was his name Flanders?” asked the
consumptive cautiously.
“Come to think of It, that was the
name, Flanders. He may have been
your uncle.”
“Hardly,” replied the consumptive,
; edging away. “My name is Jones, and
I If Flnnderri ever loaned you a dollar
the resemblance does not go that far
by any means.”
Constant
They sworo their love would never dim,
So ardent was tho Kamo;
In six months she'd forgotten him
And couldn’t cull his name.
And did he pine away and fade?
Nay. ho hail found another maid.
A Remarkable Bargain!
A year’s Suscription to PEARSONS $i.oo i
Your choice of any one of the following books originally issued at 1,50 )
C
Both for
$L25
Frank R. Stockton
THE} ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN
Horn ,
11 Hi» best work. 1 Button A dvtrtiur
FRANCES HODQSON BURNETT
THAT LASS O' LOWRIES
A novel of international reputation
Clara Mortno
A PASTEBOARD CROWN
A rigorous and popular novel of tho New York’
stage
Harrison Robertlon
THE INLANDER H
“ A novel of remarkable power. ’ 1 —
iVoio Yo-.k
Arthur R. Rcpco
Q ON PETER'S ISLAND
AO exciting Russian siory
Molly Elliot Srnvucu.
THE HOUSE OF EGREMONT
“Romance filled with the two great qualities ot
loyalty and love”
Octave thmnet
THE HEART OF TOIL
“Not only good, but excellently tnld,”—
London Daiky AVttor
NOTE;—The acceptance of this offer not only secures the publications end
books mentioned.;but it also entitles you to the privilege of buying for ore year books
at discount price*! As this plan includes practically the entire fiction product of every
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A FEW WORDS ABOUT PEARSON’S MAGAZINE FCR IDfiiJ
Pearson’s Magazine appeals to every member of the family. In the voids of
a subscriber, ” It is the easy-to-read Magazine.” It is different from any other maga
zine, and by that quality, although less than five years old, lias taken its place aiiionp.tt
the very best sellers. Its field is a general one of wholesome entertainment and
instructiveness.
Following are four of the special features for 1904:
WALL STREET METHODS
Cyrus Townsend bradv
FOR LOVE OF COUNTRY
“An iutemcly patriotic tnlr,” snya the Outlook.
One of hii best,
CEOROE W. Cable
JOHN MARCH. SOUTHERNER
A celebrated story of the South
Edward Eoclxston
THE CIRCUIT RIDER
“Fresh and vivid portraiture,” says the Christian
Union
E. W. Hornunq
THE ROGUE’S MARCH
“‘A noteworthy addition to romantic literature,”
—Chitaso Tribunt
Blanche Willis Howard
THE GARDEN OF EDEN
'•A fascinating, powerful novel. ”—Boston Btacon
Richard Harding Davis
GALLEGHER AND OTHER
STORIES
“Oalkgher” is the story that made the author
famous.
Robert Louis Stevenson
ST. IVES
His last and one of his finest novels
Thomas Nelson Paoe
PASTIME STORIES
One of 1 heir Kind.
“It 1r so annoying to hnve borrowing
neighbors.”
“Not for me. I always call the next
day and beat them at their own, gome.”
j OF "FINANCE” 9
ByHEJVRy CEORGE. Jr.
, Anumberof ti ue accounts of some of the V,'all
Street “deals” by which the savings of the many
hare been sacrificed to satisfy the cravings of the
few. Read these articles ar.d rcalhe the wisdom
®T the advice of tb*? l*t«? Governor Roswell P.
| Flower to a party of hia friends to u ks.ep your
i money in your pocket.”
I MODERN INDIAN WARS
• By
CjnftVs* TO-WJfS^FTB 8'JtA2»3?
A bfill V.nt Arid tlK-itlinir history of the hostile
frontier of t. «■ pact forty ysara, ^ivinff jujti. e to
. H 1publics;.: -netof such men asMlL* L s vv-. in,
Crook*, Ff*srr»f, Custer, Carrington,
. MvKi'Nzis, R o''aro, Wheaton, Davm, Sully.
. X. ,-l.cer Giia other*; -takiV ’ " ** * 1
r. proper , lr.20 i
:. fiirlif
*nd d;..
- history c
Mighty Rare.
’Tls said that truth Is mighty,
And maybe It Is «o.
If ever the nsaesv-r
Could find some he m Ight know.
The Only Kx;.;ine: n.
“I found one tow.j np .. Maine In !
Which 1 could not bur » -. 'Ink.”
“I didn't, fcumv, w»-rc tu'rfcjV at
«M»y tltnc.wi.itc qu trip.”
1 Nothing Else Wiil Make Them Quit.
I “He won ?10,000 on the races and re-'
1 tired.”
“That so? What was he arrested
for?”
Reciprocity.
On eandy he won good and strong,'
9* brought her many a pound.
And she was sweet on him a* long
AS ho brought sweetness round. ■
TOM NAST, CARTOONIST
’ByAE’BERT ‘BIGELOW TAI.NB
Illustrated by the choicest of the world-far.-., us,-
cartoons of the nmnwhohasbccn.-'.-.-crihei! u- tiio
greatest tnclticr v/ public <»/:/./.gt.y, .An. wtt*
't he biofrrrphy of N«&t Is vrr**r.t!y i: pi'.-
ture of the times v/hen history was warm iu the
making.
Tbo Overthrow of 'tfi6 T v ^c^
The Civil War Pc-rlcd—The sTm-r: J3
of <3tnvpry~YHe Kftccr.svuo’.ion
r:o.2-?bflflrucIav rw.
paifjo-1 ha oArlbp.ldi CsvcsfjiiijM in
ite v - i*htj 'Croat fCroov'ii'-G '..'a
Fight In London- Th* Slaiho'.Vixc*-
donilal Campald’t
uvea f«wrf the important Vratiinss which
the senes :»f six or eight* papers are built.
TFFV "FvirtATlOm OF AN
SrnrSRNATIONAL SPY
“Which ran in Pfarson’u thmugli the first %lx:
mo .:hs of xqoj, will be re«uined in TAiuuny, 1.^04.
This new s-tqt detective rtorirp I. .'on arrzt’ccd
for In rtsnonse to the drmir of thr>M«ands of
readers who regretted u e U:r'mig.«t:on of the hrst
series. The author f-tiU stipuJtu. tbnt hi»r^rae,'
must remain a secruc
SitLicribcrs to this cdnibinafinn who wont more than one book t « atovs fist
fra add 49 cents for earn pools required.
Send your orders to
Peerson T: hi ■ ■ h
O ‘Atsicir aiT.-cv--
York.