Newspaper Page Text
The Progress.
Puklshed Every Thursday.
H D SMITH, Editor and Publisher
En tarsi at tho HoitolHco in Vienna
Gn„ hs EOCond-elftM mail mutlor.
( Neighborly Sympathy.
“Och, Mrs. Mnloney, but I do feel bad
the day. The bead or me Ib like to
fpllt.”
“Mrs. Finnegan, don't you worry.
Sure, if there was tinny tiling tbo mnt-
j|*r wld you. you’d feel worse.”
An Easy Way.
Ho spent n million dollars
And had u lot to sp.ire,
Because ho spout It In his mind;
He only had It there.
Double Loss.
“I lost my benrt wben I was down
ID tho country."
“Did you propose?"
“Of courso I did.”
"Lost your head, too, bey?"
PBRT PARAGRAPHS,
Few men spend much time thinking
iWhat charming widows their wives
,would make.
WHAT WENT IN
SHE HAS DONE IT BEFORE.
With ernfty eye the old black hen
Regards your garden plot
And watches tor the moment when
The gate unlatched she’ll spot,
And then Into your garden fair
She'll dodge and have a picnic there.
Bhe calls with duckings low her brood
Of unfledged chickens spry.
And, though they are unskilled and
crude,
They make the gravel fly.
With chirp and cheep they flutter round
And' cover every Inch of ground.
They do not fall to recognize
Your choicest beds and plats,
And thereto every chicken flies
And feasts on ninrrowfats.
They wallow ull the onions out
And gobble up cuch tiny sprout
With energy they pick and scratch
And twitter as they raid,
And very soon thnt gardfen patch
All desolate Is laid.
Serenely then that old black hen
Her foroes marshals out again.
They Were Calves',
In spite of all hlB toll and pains
He could not get on top.
For money could not purchase brains
Save In the butcher shop.
Tho man Is
hopeless who
thinks that the
lnr.go sum of
rfaonoy that a
city puts In wn-
tor works Is
worse than
wasted.
Behm judging
a man by his
clothes Hud out If
they are rented.
1 A man may be reasonably honest and •
•till not work nt It over six days In tho '
jweek.
Only experience will prove It to some
on that a thing of beauty is not al-
ays a Joy forever.
One of the distressing features about
|belng u dead hero Is that tbo salary
ktopB so suddenly.
In one feature the eastern war Is not
'up to date. It is Missouri mule-less.
1 If easy writing makes bard reading
you can readily believe that some of
tho modern novels were Just dashed
off.
Thought It Was a Hint.
Jobdlck bad been calling on the girl
for n month and, though he had not re
ceived much encouragement, yet he
bad a hopeful benrt under bis $2.78
Vest, and lie know thnt fair ladles were
won only by pntlenco and Christmas
presents.
With a confidence hardly justified by
his experience, be bounded up the steps
of her father's Iioubo and rang the door
bell.
The beautiful girl opened, the door
and forgot to say “Como lu." Instead
of that she observed pointedly, "Mr.
Jobdlck, you would confer a favor by
taking a Walk and never coping back.”
Wben be Imd recovered from bis sur
prise bo started to argue the matter
With her, and ber father bearing the
noise came to the front and materially
assisted Jobdlck down tbo broad, rnur-
ble steps wltb the toe of hts boot. The
girl’s cousin, who was wnitlng nt the
gate, handed him a couple of the latest
tbiugs on the market In upper cuts; ber
small brother, taking the cue, began to
throw stones at him and tbo hired man
turned loose tho dog. As Jobdlck mov
ed briskly down tlio street, slightly
ruffled In temper, be mused to himself,
"Now If 1 wero nt all superstitious I
might have tbo notion tbat I was not
wanted nt that bouse.”
An Afterthought.
In winter, when we long for spring
Its pressing date to keep,
We think not how lawn mowers sing
Just when we want to sleep.
They Need It.
“A fool and Ills money nro soon
parted."
“True, but the oil companies have to
live."'
Wanted an Inducement.
“My man, you should vote the Pro
hibition ticket."
“Buy me a drink, and I will."
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
The man who
has push
enough to get n
pull usually
succeeds In
making a good
haul.
The man who
Is too strong to
work Is gener
ally Just about
strong enough
to cat.
It Is not necessary to Invest In flying
machines In order to make riches take
wings.'
An long as a man pays the bills he
will bo apt to have a decided opinion
about his wife’s bonnets.
There Is no place like some homes
except the field of battle.
I Money will not buy an appetite, but
It will purchase the things to satisfy
There are not words enough In tbo
language to explain bow It Is to the
man who has never been in love.
To pay as be
goes a musician
must play as be
goes.
A horse trad
er can see the
faults In a horse
nfter he has
traded off the
animal. '
Wa« Responsible,
“He boasts of being a self mado
man."
"Very considerate of him not to
charge It up to nature."
It is because the police are ao care
less that campaign cigars are not run
in as suspicious characters.
Some men would not steal a redhot
stove becauso stoves are out of date
in modern bonses.
PLAINT OF THB GRAFTER,
If this Isn’t a state of affairs
Whero'B
On-- to lie found?
yPi’.ere ai*o vvu at?
And what's the use
or living if our goose
Is cooked?
Brothers tn misery, and fellow grafters,
we oro booked
For a season of storm.
The reform
Refuses to blow over.
Our clover
Lao turned to ragweed.
Indeed
It Is a cold and cheerless outlook.
What's the ufee of being n crook
Of high grade
tf one In not to be allowed to work at
one's trade?
That Is man's Inhumanity to man—
Tying a tin can
To out' graft.
Druthers of tho craft,
Have we no vested rights?
Are tho 1:nights
Of plunder ' j
To be turned under
As though they were slaves?
These waveB
Of reform give me a pain,
I feel like taking a train
For Timbuktu
Or somo place where the reformer gete
bis due,
Which same Is the ax
• When ho backs
Up against the untutored monarch of tho
woods
With his namby pamby goods.
Of courso I don't care,
But on tho squaro
Is It right to ask a man to live on his
salary alone
When It has been shown
That It wouldn't keep him In drinks?
put your reformer thinks
He should go dry.
Just let llttlo Willie boy try
That game and see how long he would
last.
Vast
Bottomless oblivion would swallow him
So suddenly that It would make his head
swim.
No, what is right Is right,
And unloBB I am not bright
Graft Is right If properly placed.
A man would feci disgraced
With nothing but his salary to spend
And have no end
Of annoyance. Tf this rule Is to apply
I'll have to quit and enrn an honest liv
ing, and that's no lie.
Revenge,
“Beefstenk, rare,” said the tkiu, him
fry looking Individual to the waiter.
"I thought you were a vegetarian,’
remarked bis friend.
"I waB, but a horrid cow cbiased me
tbts afternoon, and I am bound to bavo
revenge."
Success or Failure,
If with success wo must endure
Dyspepsia that scorns a cure,
A tired back, an aching head,
Feet that seem weighted down with lead.
And several other patent Ills
That will not yield to drugs or pills.
Then let the others keep their wealth
And glvo me failure and good health.
Alimony Is the penalty a man pays
for going against d proposition that he
does not understand.
When n girl’s face 18 ber fortune, It
sometimes runs largely to cheek.
One reason for wanting to get to the
front Is because the company is apt to
be more desirable tfiere.
Some people In
speaking of
themselves use
the truth very
sparingly.
The man who
marries an angel
sometimes di
vorces himself
from a terma
gant.
A wise man removes the advertise
ments front hts mail before turning it
over to his wife;
Some people are so good natured that
they are willing to let other people do
nil their worrying.
Some girls are so sensitive that they
enn’t bear to refuse a youug, man, and
prefer to break his bank'account by
marrying him to breaking bis heart by
refusing him.
13,000 MILES FOR $25.
The Atlantic & Birmingham rail
way has placed on sale at its princi
pal Ticket Offices 1,000 Mile Tickets
at rate $25.00, good[over the follow-
i ig lines:
Atlanta & Birmingham Air Lino; Rj
Atlanta, Knoxville & Northern Ry.
Atlanta & WnBt Point B, R:
Atlantic & Birmingham Ry,
Atlantic Coael Line R. R.
Charleston & "Western Carolii a By •
Georgia Railroad.
Louisville & Nashville R. R.
Nashville, Chattanooga & St. Loula Ry.’
Richmond, Fredericksburg & Potomac RIR:,
Seaboard Air Ljne By.
Washington'Southorn; Ry.
"Western'd: Atlantic R. R.
Western Railway of Alabama.
These Lutes comprise 13,000'
Miles of Railroads.
This ticket presents the cheapest
and most convenient form of travel.
H. C. MoFADDEN,
General Passenger Agent.
lx you are on a
Rural Free Delivery
Mail Route
UNCLE SAM SAYS
That you must have^a
oy the Postmaster General If you
the R. F. D., We have for sale one of
That is approved
get your mail on
on the market; latest approved by the Postmaster
General. fHIL ~
COOPER, Proprietor