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CHARM OF THB GARDEN,
! 'When by the tangled wayrido path
The vlulet opes its eye
; To make It clear that spring Is here
To every passerby,
■ Romantic citizens go where
• It nods Its modest head,
i Bot while they roam I’ll stay at homo
And watch my onion bed.
, To wander In the woodlands wild,
Where modest blossoms blow,
And challenge fling to backward spring
Inviting It lo go,
Iday suit thoBe of artistic tastes
And seasoned rubber boots.
Give me the spot out In the lot
I Where little lottuce shoots.
Far from the city’s maddening strife
The johnny-jump-ups Jump,
' The crocus crows, and I suppose
The early bloom Is trump.
• For me a little garden plot
, Which early wants supply,
. Though hardly more than two by four,
} Is four small aces high,
i Lot those who like such doubtful Joys
For tall, damp timber strlko,
And thus Invite, to their delight,
Rheumatics and the like. w
To me, I guess, the garden
Will be sutflcleni treat;
With spade and hoe I’ll watch thlngB
grow
That later I can oat.
Fable of the Miser Who Let Go,
In n Large City there lived a Self
Made man who was attached to Ills
Money with a Bond similar to the one
on which the Siamese Twins drew n
ealnry. It was necessary to Chloroform
him anil perform a Surgical Operation
In order to secure the Payment of a
Just Claim.
On the other Hand If Money was
Coming to Him he always Met it more
than Half Way with a Swift Horse
and a Pair of Handcuffs lest It should
get away before the Doors of Ills Safe
closed on It Forever.
By the time 1 he had Accumulated so
Large a Fortune that the Police did not
dare arrest him when ho would not
Pay his Hired Girl. Three Schemers
took note of his Prosperity and Began
Laying Plans to Share It.
As he was Careful not to carry more
than Car fare they decided that Main
Strength would not do and that Fine
Work would bo Necessary.
So one Evening they culled him Aside
and Whispered In his Ear that the
Country was In a Bad Way unless
gome Good Man could be Induced to
run for President and that after Look
ing over the Field they had Decided
that he was the One to do an Artistic
and Ornamental Job of Saving.
Although he would not have known
the Tariff from a Load of Buckwheat,
he Beadily fell in with the Idea and
his chest swelled Three IncheB.
Then they 1 Broke the news to him
that it would tnke Money, and he asked
If $10 would do.
Naturally they Replied that It would
not Start the Works and that at Least
$600 would be Necessary to Insure
Success, but they Pointed Out by Way
of Consolation that the Job paid $50,-
000 a year.
After much Squirming and Haggling
he Succeeded in Beating them Down to
$405 and Drew hie Check for that
Amount
Moral.—You can Convince any Man
that he Is a Presidential’ Possibility.
Not Looking lot Votes,
Oh, there was moaning at the bar,
And every one knew why—
The candidate bought one cigar
And let the crowd go dry.
No Escape,
"A candidate must expect to be slan
dered.”
“Yes, Indeed. If they can’t think of
anything else they will say that he
plays a flute.”
PERT PARAGRAPHS,
Merit may take longer than bluff In
getting to the front, but when It gets
there it stays longer.
She Wanted a Man,
He loved r- ’j to distinction.
But ehe could not return
The. very .'-lightest fraction,
Nor would she try to'learn.
Although his folks were wealthy
And he -A'nb quite a catch,
She couldn' t rouse .a healthy,
Deep Interest in the match.
Bhe kept the reason shady,
So that he would not cry;
He wits a perfect lady—
That was the reason why.
It Cured Him,
"We don't hear anything from James-
by any more, and ho used to be'such a
howling reformer.”
. “No; he has got an office.”
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
Ever see a woman perform her great
sleight of hand trick of making a $20
bill look like 80 cents?
What can bo more humiliating than
for the dry goods clerk to be called
down by the floorwalker before the
customer whom the clerk has been
trying to impress with the idea that
he owned the store?
Whnt in the world would we do with
our ex-presidents If the supply of wild
ducks were to run short?
After a man has
six or -eight chil
dren he ceases to
notice when they
have birthdays.
It ifl lucky for
the man who acts
as judge at a baby
show that the wo
men are notvoters.
When the first baby t"-a its first
toot!: its parents cannot be expected
to *i- :•«* i n v r*
In order that their civilization may
be well balanced, a box of soap should
be sent with each consignment of. tracts
to tile lieuthcii.
You wonder how they ever get those
strawberries you seo pictured in the
seed catalogues In the regulation
strawberry boxes?
Perhaps It is fy£ll for the pneumonia
germ that It is not discovered, since
so many lynching parties ore abroad.
The judge
charges the
Jury, but be
makes the pris
oner pny cash.
A girl always
admires the
taste of a mag
azine editor who
uses one of her
pictures.
When a trained nurse gets hold of a
rich patient, some training she did not
learn In the school comes handy.
At the present price of the stuff no
man Is tempted to have a disease Just
for the purpose of having It cured by
radium.
That Was Easy,
“Henry, If your uncle had $5 and
gave you $4, what would he then
have?”
“Heart failure.”
A PSALM OF SPRING,
Tell mo net In mournful numbers
Life’s a vein end vapid thins,
Flavorless as young cucumbers
In the blithe and bounding spring.
Life Is real, fife Is aelton,
• Vlion the year Is In Its prime;
AIbo seventeen parts distraction
At the say house cleaning time.
Not enjoyment and not sorrow
Is oup destined aim and end,
But to see if wo can borrow
Half a dollar from a friend.
In the world’s nerve racking battle
Always on the lookout bo,
When you hear the muskets rattle,
For a place behind a tree.
Trust ho smooth, persuasive stranger
With a patent get rich plan;
Even though he bo a granger
Ho will "do” you If ho can.
Lives of great men oft remind us
That queer methods sometimes pay
If policemen cannot find us
And wo make our gei-uway.
Let us, then, be up and doing
When the year is at Its flood,
Give the rag a rest from chewing
And take something for our blood.
Mr, Dooley's Cousin on the Merger,
"Do yez understand nliout the North
ern merger decision?” asked Mr. Hen-
nessy’s uncle as he stepped in for his
morning bracer.
“I do,”'says Mr. Dooley’s cousin. “I
do. 'TIs this way. Jim Hill be says
to himself and some others that owned
a nice bunch of railways, ‘Boys,’ be
says, ’competition,’ bo says, 'Is the life
of trade,’ be says. 'That bein’ the
case,’ lie soys, ‘we will,’ he soys, ‘do
our own compntln’,’ he snys, ‘and
kaap,’ ho snyB, ’the life of trade In the
family,’ bo soys,
“ ‘Do ye bear that, Teddy?’ says Gln-
ernl Knox.
” ‘I dd,’ snys the prlsldlnt. ‘Bnd
luck to them,’ be snys, ‘It’s against the
law.'
“ ‘Do ye know who we are?’ snys
Jim Hill.
‘“I do,’ snys Teddy.
" ‘Ye don’t tnlk that way,’ soya Jim
Hill.
“ ‘You’re pinched,' snys Teddy, ‘and
ye can tell yer troubles to the suprame
coort.’
‘“'All right,’ snys Jim Hill. ‘They
are a foino body of glntleraen.’
" ‘Wo’ll see,’ snys Teddy dryly.
" ‘We will,’ snys Jim Hill.
“Well, the suprame coort thought
about It eight hours a day for several
months, seriously Interferin’ with golf,
and finally they says; ‘The prlsldlnj
Is right. Ye’ll hnve to compote with
one another and not with yerselves/”
" Tis a grent victory for the people,”
said Mr. Henncssy’s uncle.
"It is,” said Mr. Dooley’s cousin. “It
Is; only they may never find It out
whin they come to pay the freight."
Couldn't Be Worse,
“His wife is a cooking school gradu
ate, and be did not' know It until she
told him.”
"Yes, but he lived ten years In a
boarding house.’’
Talk Is cheap, but not any cheaper
than the talkers.
While the gambling trust may hew
to. the line, It does not let the chips
fail where they may.
A pessimist is n
man who feels blue
because things did
not go wrong as he
predicted.
When a woman’s
beauty fades she
has a cinch if her
ability as a cook
lingers.
Men like to seo their wives well
dressed better, than they like to pay
for the dresses.
The Lord is not the only one who
loves a cheerful giver.
To tell a bachelor who picks up a
baby that It usually will not go to
strangers, but seems to take to him,
should be good for at least a Christ
mas present.
Possibly If politeness cost money
there would be more of It in the world.
When a man is born great the neigh
bors seldom find it out. |
Kisses are only on the free list for
the right man.
PERT PARAGRAPHS,
A few men smoke themselves to
death, while most others only smoke
their friends to death.
Cuitators, Disc Plows,
AGRICULTURAL IMPLEMENTS
Pumps, and Farm Tools generally.
Undertakers
Burial Robes, Coffins and Cas'cefc*
We strive to pleas our customers.
G UMMING&WEBB
IE GEORGIA.
-■SR
By Their Works
You ShallKnow
PI AN 0 S
Organs and Sewing Machines.
THE BEST IS THE CHEAPEST.
For the Best, get the
PIANOS and
Organs, all kinds
CROWN
GET THE BEST.
The Singer Sewing Machine
Leads the A old
Tuning and ,-jjiiri 1; dvii by ?i*W, Y. » aici,
expert whose work is guarantee.
Drop me a card, stating your wants, and it shall
receive prompt attention.
J. H. NELSON, Cards!:
Some lies are so artistic that they
make the truth look as If it were made
at home.
Laugh and the world will give you a
reputation for being a humorist that
will darken the rest of your dnys.
There nre people who when the truth
Is being spoken have to have an Inter
preter.
The comfort to be derived from some
jokes is that they might have been
worse.
■imfnftiS 'T-mumr-iHHir —'T-w--.
ON CREDIT.
CASH or CREDIT
The Celebrated Century Farm
Wagons direct from our Factory
to the Consumer r.t Factory
Prices—Cash or Easy Monthly
Payments. We trust honest peo
ple living In all parts of the world.
_ Write for free catalogue.
FULLY WARRANTED FOR 3 YEARS.
SEKTIW BMflMCTWHM CO., Dipl. East St. Inns,®
Judging from the rcspoetful manner
of the European nations, they must
' «ho*r -> offTH” ’•»
Lamar’s Lemon Laxative is the original lemon medicine.
It is made of lemons and other harmless but powerful vege
table ingredients, is a safe, sure and speedy cure for
Indigestion, Constipation, Torpid Liver, Headache
It cleanses the Bystem of all impurities, tones up the
stomach and bowels, puts the liver and kidneys in perfect
order in short “makes you new.” It is gentle but prompt
and powerful in action, pleasant to take and always reliable.
FOR.SALE BY ALL DRUGGISTS.
LAMAR, TAYLOR & RILEY DRUG CO., Manufacturers, Macon, Ga.