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I
M ' SiSil /*.? •SissPPawSi I
if wiiikine is gooa (\w<-!sp„ t;io b;:i
collector bus a groat chance to bo
healthy.
When opportunity knocks at some
men’s doors they turn It away because
they have not boon introduced to tlio
gc’uU'ninn.
, When you telephone for a carriage
iti'd hey send around an automobilo It
*?>• ' ardly a horse of another color.
it is on account of the stage of de
velopment, and not-by venson of their
• lor, that it Is easier to see through a
black man than a white.
Some doctors declare that as a race
we eat too much, but the various’food
trusts are doing what they can to rem
edy the evil.
! ji ,
poor jtlme that It causes a man to miss
E lt is seldom that a watch keeps such
oor jtlme “
Is meals.
A statesman without a pass would
be a great curiosity, but there are not
enough of them to begin to supply the
museums.
Truth may be mighty, but it Is terri
bly out of style.
Could thescaffoldlng around a church
st8ei?.le be called the higher walks of
life?
However, the tobaccoless campaign"
*lgar will be.no Innovation.
Superlative.
“Her shape Is perfection."
“Excelsior?"
Why They Rage.
No wonder that the heathen rage
And paint tho Jungle red
In wild dollght and madly fight,
And fill men full of lead.
And do things that they would not do
If they were quite well bred.
The heathen never sat an hour
And listened to some wight
Who talked of art and hitched his cart
Up to some planet bright
And gave forth mighty gobs of thought
On sweetness and on light.
They never loudly whooped 'er up
For some good candidate
Who paid for beer and all such cheer.
That helps to move tho freight
And saves the country once a week
For certain while you wait.
No wonder that the heathen rage
And may be called a dub
And whiles away the summer day
In searching after grub.
Hts wife has never had a chanoe
To Join a woman's club.
When a man Is hurtl up he is glad of
the opportunity to make n square meal
out of a round steak.
j ThJ old saying, a fool (or luck, does
not specify what kind of'nick. ,
She Appreciated Them.
A man and a girl were seated at the
bountiful tr.ble In n fashionable res
taurant.
Glistening With nil of the enthusiasm
of forty candle power, the electric light
above showered down its bright rays,
making' the imitation, cut glass look
like the real thing.
Beauty and fashion were at the sur
rounding tables, while wit whetted Its
keen edge nnd cut holes In the atmos
phere whenever the orchestra ceased
throwing Its high notes at the ears of
the diners nnd gave it a chance.
Amid this gny scene the young girl
sat ns in a dream, her mind evidently
on some high nnd soulful subject,
while her shapely hands wielded the
vulgar knife nnd fork In a half auto
matic manner.
Respecting her mood, the man. sat in
silence, waiting for her to speak.
At last she turned her gaze to him.
There was a world of tenderness in her
soft, dreamy eyes, while her lips part
ed in a heavenly smile as she said, “It
ain’t no use talking, Bob; them oysters
certainly are delicious!” n
Western boom
villages think New
York a slow town
because It has no
public square.
May weather has
a hard time In Uv-
lug up to tho chnr-
iJIJjJ ncter given it by
the magazine
poets.
The pleasures of making garden re
treat as the season advances.
Nature is a safe guide, for the man
who. doesn’t know enough to come in
When It rains generally needs a bath.
Fools and children should not bo
blamed for telling the truth. They do
not know any better.
It Is claimed that flirting develops n
man. It may also bankrupt him.
Instead of offering a reward, Carne
gie could get plenty of heroes by adver
tising for men to work at It at the rate
Of gbont $2 a day.
A FRIEND IN NEED.
When arrested for a crime,
One that calls for doing time.
And the- Jury in a fury, without rea
son. without rhyme,
Wants to hiuut you to n tree.
Old Man Technicality
Can discover how to Onver up youi
tracks and set you free.
If tho man who lost Ills roll
Wants to put you in a hale,
And tho prlBon surely Is an open and
a certain goal,
Old Man Technicality,
With tho money as a fee,
Can prepare a way to tear a gaping
holo In tho decree.
Banking on tho law’s delay,
Ho can always have his Aiy
xS'w
Pressing cases ho mlsplaeiS'whlle the
culprit gets away.
If you make a point to see
Old Man Technicality,
Ybu may hover under cover till the
year 2003.
Knew the Kind.
"Hands up.!" came the command out
of a lonely dark pussnge op a lonely
road.
As the reader has already surmised,
these wordB came from a holdup man.
There Is one Infallible rule for telling
a holdup mnn. Listen attentively, nnd
If ho says “Hands up!” you will know
timt you have guessed, correctly.
“My friend,” said tho victim, when he
bad recovered his breath, "this Is not
right. Let me explain t6 you who I
am. It is my business to make cam
paign speeches, nnd many n time have
1 publicly declared Hint tho holdup
mnu Is more honornble than the trusts,
and Is tills the way you reward me?”
“So you ore one of them kind of
orators?” said the robber,
"I am Indeed."
“Well, you kin go. I never snw one
of them that had enough money to
pay a guy for tho trouble of going
through him."
More 'mniTlnges would be happy If
the girl had to -flrst pnss n civil serv
ice examination to prove that she was
not troubled with cold feet.
Away With It.
We pinch nnd sweat and’scrape and save
And labor like a galley slaVe,
\ And when we’ve got our little pile
We find that It Is not worth while.
By days we gather up a store,
Our nights we spend In getting more,
And all to what unworthy end?
That some great-great-grandchild may
spend.
We pinch a dollar till It squirms,
Endangering Its husky germs,
And when we have It stowed away
Perhaps wo go and die next day.
Let others seek the filthy dross;
Wo know its gain Is onty joss.
Why should we. wish for overmuch
When we have friends whom we can
touch?
Defiant.
“Look out, there come the hunters,"
said the robin.
“Well, if' they shoot me,” said the
quail, “I will at lenst have the satis
faction of knowing that I die game.”
Be Cautious.
Of course It's right to kiss your i
In fact, to her you owe It—
But don't break up your happy home
By letting the hired girl know It.
Depends on the
Water.
“Yes, blood Is
thicker than
water.”
“Say, you ever
seen any Mis
souri river wa
ter?”
Good Evidence.
When lovers run the gas bill high
Until It Is above
The normal figures that’s a sign
They are not deep.In love.
Best of Motives,
Shrieks, agonizing and blood curdling,’
rang out on the startled air, as though
some one overpowered in a life and
death struggle had cried out in a last
hope that some fellow man would hear
nnd rush to his aid.
Windows flew up and men ahd
jyomen looked wildly about, hut one
mnn, heedless of danger, rushed to
ward the wooi\ shed from which the
sounds Were issuing.
dust ns he arrived a man walked out
of the door with a grim smile on his
face nnd a skate strap over his shoul
der.
“Been licking your boy, neighbor?"
asked the newcomer In a voice that
was not at all reassuring.
“It’s nobody’s business but my own
if I have.” replied the man defiantly.
"I was Just coming to see If you
were needing’ nny help,” said the
neighbor, who had met up with the
boy a time or two.
In Texas.
A horse thief from a halter strong
Swung once upon a time,
But he by one who came along
Was cut down Iq his prime.
Still Warmer.
“What makes grandpa so downheart
ed? Ho was so elated a short time ago
over the fact that he was 102 years
old.”
“Another old man of 104 years came
along and made him 102 In the shade.''
Two of a Kind.
She did not know ho was divorced
With scandal from hts last,
And furthermore the man was not
Awnro she had a past:
8o when they met and pledgod their
froth
And sealed It with a kiss,
It was emphatically a case
Where Ignorance was bliss.
Knew the Old Man. .,
"If I were to fell you that my father
had failed for a million, would you
still .love me?”
“Why shouldn’t I? I guess the old
man Is wise enough to have a nice nest
egg stowed away In some handy
place.”
A Come Down.
Ho couldn't beat
thq races
And win a dime
or two,
And so he” beat
the carpets
Because he bad
to chew.
At Least Then.
“Children should be seen and not
heard."
“Yes, particularly when their moth
ers want them to speak their little
piece.”
MRS. CECELIA STOWE,
Orator, Entro Nous Olub.
Looking Ahead.
“You aro worth your weight In ra-1
dinini” exclaimed the enthusiastic j
yonng man to the girl he adored.
“How well fixed we will be,” replied
the practical young thing, “If I should
ever grow to be as fleshy as mamma.” 1
Not Progressive,
“Three bottles of this will make your
■wife feel like a new woman.”
“Keep It I don't care to have my
wife putting on^SipeTior airs because
she Is a new woman.’.’
Only the Money.
The hours I’ve spent in wooing
I do not wish them back,
But all the cash silent on my mash
Would It were in my sack.
A Good. Reason.
Charley—Why do you want woman •
suffrage? ‘
May—I’d like to bavq a buggy ride j
once a year after I am married. ’
176 Warren Avenue,
Chicago, III., Oct. 22,1902.
For nearly four years I suffered
from ovarian troubles. The doc
tor insisted on an operation as the
only way to get well. I, however,
strongly objected to an operation.
My husband felt disheartened as
well ns I, for homo with a sick
woman is a disconsolate place at
best. A friendly druggistadvised
him to get a Dottle of Wine of
Csrdni for me to tiy, andhe did so;
I began to improve in afow days ar. d
my recovery was very rapid. With
in eighteen weeks I was another
being.
Mrs. Stowe’s letter shows every
woman bow a borne is saddened by
female weaknes and bow completely
Wine of Cardui cures that sick
ness and brings health and happi
ness again. Do not go on suffer
ing. Go to your druggist today
ana secure a $1.00 bottle of Wine
of Cardui.
WmBiCltRWI
Burial Robes, Coffins and Caskets
We strive to pleas our customers.
CUMMIN G^WEBB
j E GEORGIA.
Organs and Sewing Machines.
THE BEST IS THE CHEAPEST.
For the Best, get the
Cuitators, Dis-c PIcws,
AGRICULTURAL IMPLEMENTS
Pumps, and Farm Tools generally.
takers I
*5ae8i:
By Their Works
You ShaUKnow i
PIANOS
CROWN
PIANOS and
Organs, all kind*
GET THE BEST.
The Singer Sewing Machno
Leads the llioli?
Tuning and repairing t > 12 > •• *.* >?. »V. > ilt i
expert whose work is guaranteed.
Drop me a card, stating your wants, and it shall
receive prrmpt attention.
J. H. NELSON, Cordel:
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