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| POETRY. |
♦ +
THE MUCH ADMIRED SON G,
Let him meet his welcome home
Banijh grief thou lovely creature,
See who comes to bring the peace ;
Joy now Jparkling in each feature.
Bids thy grief and for row cease.
O'er the rude the boifl'rous ocean,
He by fate was doom'd to roam —
Cease dear Maid, this wild emotion
Let him meet his welcome home.
Now from Jlav'ry come to greet thee
Saved by fate from Algiers coajl ;
See, he flies , sweet Maid to inset
thee,
Love and constancy is his hoc ft;
Each long night be pafl'd in forrew,
Made him bless each day to come y
Hope, that on each joyous morrow,
He Jbould meet his welcome home.
Banijh grief, thou lovely creature,
See thy Jailor brings the peace
Know'ft thou not these fun burnt
features ?
William bids thy for row cease:
On the rude, the boisterous ocean,
He no more jhall luckless roam —
Then dear Maid, with glad emo
tion,
Joyful hail his welcome home.
AN OLD MAID'S DREAM.
I am one of those antiquated
and belplcfs animals commonly
called an old maid. Before en
tering on my dream, it may be
neccflary to give you the out
lines of which I (hall
do very bir v. lam defen
ded of a re. edable family, and
being the ifame daughter, and
favorite of an old maiden aunt,
at her decease (he left me her
whole property, amounting to
12,0001. This with a tolerable
(hare of personal and mental ac
complilhments, soon brought a
crowd of admirers about me,
and at the age of eighteen I was
the toad of the town.
The fir(t who paid his ad
drefies to me was Efculapius
Cljfterpipes, a physician, who
had feraped together fome mo
ney in the Weft-Indies. Things
went on swimmingly till the
marriage contra# came to be
drawn out, and other prelimi
naries adjusted. I had frequent
ly heard him throw out hints
relpeding my 12,0001. and
thought it was now high time
to inform him I was only pof
feiTed of soool. having lhared
my legacy equally with my
other filters. He seemed thun
derstruck at the intelligence, but
recovered him fell so far as to
tell me he would call on me to
morrow, but that morrow has
not yet arrived, tnough sixty
years have intervened.
My next fuiter was Timothy
Ka. k rent, a neighboring heritor,
whole estate was deeply mort
gaged, and which he hoped to
redeem by tfpoufing my i:,ooo
pounds. To make a long tale
short, he split on the fame rock
Efculapius had done, and so
there was an end of the matter.
My third and lafl wooer was
Boanerges Blunderbuss, an of
ficer of marines. He was the
meft serious and ardent of all
my lovers, and had T not con
sented almost at fir(l fight to be
come his bone and his fle(h, I
verily believe he would have
carried the citadel by storm.
Matters having come this length
I thought myfelfjuftified in ac
quainting him with the extent
of my fortune, on which he
started up, and exclaimed,
€( Egad, Madan, you have ruin
ed me—2oool. won’t do my
business, but I have as much in
my pocket as will do.” Having
ended this exclamation, he left
me with the greatest fangfroid
imaginable, and walked into an
adjoining field, very deliberately
blew his brains out. The cause
of this catastrophe was not long
a mystery, for the very next
week Mordecai cent, per cent,
came down from London with
a bond of the captain’s for
io,oool. and was very much
mortified that the marriage had
not taken place. He was ob
liged however, to content him
felf with the effeds of the de
ceased, which confided of his
regimental suit, an old sword,
two (hirts, a pair of velvet bree
ches jammed, and an old big
coat, which had been twice turn
ed, with fome other minutiae too
trifling to deserve notice.
Having had such flagrant and
repeated proofs of the perfidy
of mankind, 1 now seriously re
folvcd to die a maid. lam long
since proof against the invedives
of mankind, and when a(ked if
I recoiled the mirk Monday,
the windy Saturday, the battle
of the Boyne, &c. &'C. it docs
not give me the fmallcft unea
siness.
The only thing which has
ruffled my temper these forty
was a distant relation of mine,
who told me a week ago, ft I
lhould lead apes in hell.” Tho’
this sarcasm has been cad in my
teeth an hundred rimes before,
Ido not recoiled that it ever
made so deep an impreflion, and
on falling asleep in all probabi
lity it occasioned the following
dream :
Methought F was transported
to the infernal regions, and fafe
ly ferryed over the river Styx.
On the other fide, a fcoundrel
looking fellow, very like a mes
senger at arms, took me into his
custody, and conduded me to
the tribunal of Rhadamanthus.
The good old gentleman ques
tioned me very particularly how
I had spent my time in the world,
and was so well fatisfied with
the candor and fidelity of my
answers, that he ordered the
keeper of Erebus to conduct me
to Elysium. We had proceed
ed only a few steps, when Rhad
amanthus called me back, and
questioned me whether I had
any lovers in the world, as 1 had
not had a hufoand. I here told
him the particulars of Clyfter
pipes, Rackrent, and Blunder
buls, as before narrated. Very
well, madam, fays he, you must
lead apes in hell. I was so
thunder (truck ac these words,
that I was ready to drop down,
when the keeper putting his arm
under mine, half dragged and
half carried me out of the court j
and in a few minutes brought
me to a large building with an
iron door, very much refem
• filing a prison. He went in,
and returned immediately with
an iron chain in his hand, which
he made me take hold of, and
bade rne move briskly forward.
I began my march as directed,
but wishing much to fee what
kind of apes hell produced, I
peeped over my (houlder in
order to fatisfy my curioficy.—
But, oh ! what was my surprise,
when I found I had got my three
quondam sweet-hearts in tow.
The chain which I had in my
hand was twenty feet long, and
towards the farther extremity
divided into three diftind chains
with each a hook annexed to it.
These three hooks were fixed
through the three noses of the
gentlemen aforefaid. I could
not but refled: on the droll figure
they made. Clyfterpipes had
a set of surgical instruments in
one hand, and a neccflary utensil
full of medicines in the other.
Rackrent had in his right hand
a receipt for making tenants
subsist on yams and peafe draw ;
and in his left, an empty purse,
as large and as long as the panta*
loons of a Hessian hussar. Blun
derbuss had on one (houlder a
bomb-ketch, and on the other
a pennyworth of bread and oni
ons with a label on his bread,
“ I am my country’s pride and
defence.” As my antipathies
againd this worthy triumvirirc
had long since fublided, I was
going to condole with them on
their unhappy situation. But
no sooner did they recognize
me, than all gave a sudden and
involuntary spring backward,
and I not having time or pre
fcnce of mind to let go the chain,
the noses of all three were torn
in the mod deplorable manner,
The exquisite pain made them
set up such a hideous roar as
alarmed all hell, and I awoke in
the utmod horror and perturba
tion.
It was a con fide rablc time
before I could believe myfelf to
be an inhabitant of this world,
but the return of day, and three
different calls to breakfaft con
vinced me.—When I joined the
family, breakfad was half over.
The gentleman who infulced me
the day before, alked me what
had detained me so long ? I re
plied, I had been leading apes in
hell. The company desired
me to explain myfeifi when I
told them my lad night’s dream.
During the narration, tne afore
faid gerffieman turned as pale as
death /but whether from com
puridion at his insolence to me
the day before or from fear of
being led by the nose, by fome
injured female, in the world to
come, I could not tell though
I think the lad probable.
I would not h ive such another
| dream for all the apes on this,
or the other fide Styx. But
] terrible as it was, it has been
productive of fome advantage,
in as much as it has explained
the mvderious dodrine of ape
leading, and given us toundcr
dand who the apes are. As it
may be of importance to the
whole antiquated fiderhoed, to
be acquainted with this fad, I
requtlt the favor you will give
my dream a place, and in return,
I promise to exert my utmod
influence to keep the promon
nory of your face unmolcded in
the world to come,
l am, Sir, yours,
W ith the propounded efteero
and refped,
PENELOPE SKINFLINT.
Dianlurgb, Plutonic- Court ,
28 ih January 1805.
11. ■
Meditations on a Broom Stick.
This Angle (lick, which you
now behold inglortoufly lying
in that ncgleded corner, lor.ce
knew in a flourifhing date in the
sored, it was full of sap, full of
leaves, and full of boughs ; but
now in vain does the busy art of
man pretend to vie with nature,
by tying that withered bundle of
of twigs to its sapless trunk.—
It is now at bed but the reverse
of what it was, a tree turned up
side-down, the branches on the
earth, and the root in the air.—
It is now handled by every dirtv
wench, and condemned to do
her drudgery, and by a capri
cious kind of fate, dedined to
make her things clean and be
nady itfelf: at length, worn to
the dumps in the lervice of the
maids, it is either thrown out of
doors or condemned to the lad
use of kindling a fire when I
beheld this I sighed and said
within fnyfelf, surely mortal man
is a Broomfl'ick ! Nature lent
him into the world drong and
ludy, in a thriving condition,
wearing his own hair on his head,
the proper branches of this rea
fonrng vegetable, until the axe
of intemperance has lopped off
his green boughs, and left him
a withering trunk; he then flies
to art, and puts on a periwig,
valuing h mfelf upon an unna
tural bundle ofhairs, all cover
ed with powder, that never grew
upon his head : but now, lhould
this, cur Brccmftick, pretend to
enter the fceoe, proud of rhofe
birchen fpoi'ls it never bore,
Seal! covered with dud, though
the sweepings of the firft lady’s
chamber, we (hould be apt to .
ridicule and despise its vanity.
Partial judges that we are of
our own excellencies, and other
men’s defaults >
: iut a Broomflich. , perhaps you
will fay, is an emblem of a tree
danding on its head ; and pray
what is man but a topfyturvy
creature ; his animal faculties
continually mounted over his
rational, his head where his fycels
(hould be, grovelling on the
earth ; and yet with all nis faults,
he fees up to be an universal re
former and corrector of abuses,
a remover of grievances rakes
into every slut’s corner of na
ture, bringing hidden corrupti
ons to the light, and raises a
| mighty dud where there was
j none before, (haring deeply all
j the while in the very fame pol
lutions he pretends to (weep
away, When worn to the
(lumps like his brother broom,
he is either, kicked out of doors,
or made ule of to kindle flames
for others to warm themfclves
by.
F O U N D,
NEAR Petersburg, a Giltcd
Watch, by one of my
Negroes, fome time in May
lafl. The Owner is requested
to come forward by the 25th of
December next, prove his pro
perry and take it away, or the
Watch will be returned to the
P rion who found it.
THOMAS STOKET