UA1NBRIDGE, FEB. 9, 1901,
The Travels o» aa Eyelid. I *«' 0,t*r*ae*.
Tim rami'- thousands of mllM which | Distressed by tier cook s frequent
a rami unconsciously travels In Us life- complaints of toothache n mistress of
time, ■ taking Into coailderailou the the upper west. side deckled n few
his footsteps measure ns lie , days ago that It was time to recom-
SPOILED BY WEALTH.
j walks about"etch day. are enough to
! make him sit dowu to rest for the re-
i mainder of his life.
| But now a German scientist trait
i come forward with some still
mend heroic remedies.
“Hannah, there Is no use putting It
off any longer. There is Dr. .Tones over
, :J „ there. He pronlses.fto extract teeth
more 1 without pain. Why tcu’t you see him
I which our eyelid undertakes every Hannah scarcely relished the sag-
1 time It winks, and It Is not possible for fe'cstjoa, but after another nlgbt ^sur-
ub to see, ho says, unless we wink, i feriejf -sorrowfully announced, ’ Deed,
Unconsciously we wink once a second, l kin Jess stand dis no longflb, asn
yVtt pT7int<?» rtop dls worfdn; Vie «mrk«d
Biy money“ ft how iTrta^tiety startling facts concerning the Journeys ■ and have It over with i ’
pays; ~ *’ ------ —
J Idn suht In nor? an f'Otnt a crimson streak,
Ite donr my bones' duty fob tlcuc nickdl *o dna
An now PV; irrintrr scatter ’em life chaff.
8 yob eyes wide o^en, an yoU'U aea ««•
litgh ole times,
Vuti unde's get • dollar an a fcfitf.
I'm foclin Jca* aa haughty as * Vanderbilt dis
An in* 'loonn* haw to worry 'Mwt no rents;
Ik- nebbi r r.topa to no'.ico, aa be »tep« alonf fall
fern (.immon ejiohts wlf ton or fifteen cents.
Iit‘r do pxitie o( Fofgy bolii/ia un a winner ot <bi
Dear vouncstets, why. dey s«-.;ply mukca him
6e, hit mn buk ft« d’*U do track watch im
sot dc pay®*" ,
lult undo wit « dollar an a ha’f.
TRICKS OF DAr.NSTORM.ER8.
IIOVP They Are SometlaiM Compelled
to Help One Another Ont.
“One of the old slang phrases of the
stage,” said Muggles. who used to he
n good actor, “was ‘to pong.' This
leans, or used to mean, using your
own language—that Is. playing u part
without cues of the proper lines, re-
lylng only upon a knowledge of tho
play to carry you through. Years ago
m the road there used to he some high
ly ludicrous situations Iti consequence
cf a new play being produced In a
hurry. The stage manager, however,
had a wonderful genius for patching
up n hitch. When circumstances were
necessary, he would sometimes lower n
front scene nml tell the low comedian
it:.d chambermaid to go on and ‘keep
It up.' and while they did so he would
nr range how the play had to bo con
“Of course, actors are expected to
lulp one another out of a difficulty,
but at times old grudges were paid off.
For Instance. 1 remember on one oc
casion a letter had to ho read In ono
scene. Unfortunately tills letter could
not he found, so ri 'dummy’—that la,
a blank shoot—was sont on tho stngo.
“'Say, dad,' said tho actor who had
to rend the letter, seeing It blank,
‘here's n letter for you. You had hot
ter read It yourself, as 1 am sure It
contains good news.’
"But kind' tumbled to tho occasion
nml replied: ‘No. Tom, you rend it.
I’ve mislaid my spectacles.’
"’Bless me," said Tom, 'It Is written
so badly 1 can’t make out a word of It
Here. Nelly, you read It.’
"The unsuspecting Nelly takes the
litter, and seeing It blank says: ’No,
father had hotter read It. He will ho
able to make it out better. I’ll go and
fetch your spectacles. I know where
they are.' And off she goes.
“The old umn Is ngalu equal to tho
oecnsiqu e.iv.l calls out to her: ’Never
mind (bringing them, Nelly. I'll come
oral get them.’ Then he walked off and
the stage manager had to rearrange
"Yes, sir, there's n lot In tho the
atrical business you outsiders never
diva in cf."—New York Times.
so that for the time we are awake dur
ing the day we voluntarily wink from
43,dOO to 00.000 times and In a year
have moved our eyelids down and up
ngaln no less than 1S.200.0C-0 times.
The distance that the eyelid travels In
Its great speed Is 'ensured from a sin
gle Involuntary wink.
Tills, the scientist snys. is a quarter
of an Inch both ways, the eyelid ploy
ing equally up and down, so that, tak
ing the movement of both eyelids-into
consideration, they cover some 50,000
Inches In a day. The eyelids of a man
who has lived for GO years will lmve
unconsciously traveled a third of the
way around the earth, or about 7.200
miles, a calculation sufficient In Itself
to cause the victim of Insomnia to fall
Into a dreamless sleep as he reads It.—
A Dcfidl rnci* In i?te V/l'icSo^r.
Crockford, the proprietor of a well
known London gambling house, was
made to play a queer role after he was
dead. When one of Crockford’* horses
Was poisoned Just before the Derby,
the misfortune brought on nil attack
of apoplexy, which proved fatal with
in 48 hours. Now, mnny of Crock-
ford’s friends had staked large sums
on nnother of the gambler’s horses,
which was n favorite for the Oaks and
which wns disqualified by the death
of the owner. Only the people In the
gambling house knew of Crockford’s
dentil, and It was resolved, to keep It
a secret until after the race.
The servants were bribed naJ sworn
to secrecy, and the conspirators on
the day after the night upon which
Crockford died had the body placed in
a chair at a window, so Unit people re
turning from the track could see the
gambler sitting (here. He wns fixed
tip to look as lifelike ns possible nud
through the window and partially con
cealed from view by the curtains look
ed so natural that no one of tho groat
crowd which came cheering by the
house when on their return from see-
lug Crockford'* horse win the Oaks
suspected the trick.
The next day It was announced that
Crockford wns dead, but It was years
before the true story leaked out.
Few American youths have careers
made for them. Those who deplore
this fact and shun the stings of seif
effort may find ionic In the reply of n
western girl to tin" offer of marriage.
A young man of more hook learn
ing than fow of character lost the
young wife who had tolled to support
him. returned to his native town for
consolation and found It. Some mouths
later she. too, passed away, and the
rad youth soon appealed to a well
known dergymnu for assistance In
finding a helpmate.
The minister Introduced him to a
western girl cf health and energy,
who the next day received a plaintive
note from the widower. He declared
that the Lord had made great Inroads
i:;tu Ids marital affections, and It uow
r lined to he his will that she would
repair the brvuchos of his life.
The reply, which the dergymnu
keeps today as cue of the choicest
specimens of a varied collection, reads
"Mend your own breeches.”—Youth’s
XVbiattrd us Sim Sung.
The man who knew many things
was Instructing the new anil verdaut
stenographer us to tho use of the va
rious office appliances, anil finally be
Introduced her to the speaking tube.
"Now, see." said the man, "you put
cue tulic to your mr nud the other to
jrur mouth, thou whistle."
“Into which cue do 1 whistle?’ asked
the guileless stenographer.
“Heavens," cried the titan, "which
one do you suppose you whistle In, tho
cue at your car or the one at your
"That was what I wanted to know,"
mid the stenographer, “for I whistle
u.t 1 sing, entirely by ear.”—Memphis
If all the cubs In Loudon were pine*
ed in n line there would he a total
hngtll of 40 miles.
I-'nlthfnl Shepherd Dcrti.
A cold Rpell In Montana killed n
sheep border In the Great Falls dis
trict. Two feet of snow covered the
range In places, and the thermometer
Indlcnlofl 41) degrees below zero.
The herder was frozen to death on
the prairies while curing for the sheep,
and It was three days before his fate
was known to bis employers. Two
shepherd dogs were with him when he
died, nud one of these staid with Ills
body while the other attended to the
sheep, Just as though the herder had
been with him The dog drove them
out on the range In tho morning and
back again at night guarding them
from wolves and preventing them from
straying off. Neither dog had any
thing to eat during the three days’
vigil, so far ns could he ascertained,
hilt the 2..V fi sheep thrived as well ap-
psrently ns though directed by human
agency. Tho singular fact about tho
matter Is that these faithful creatures
would have starved to death rather
than harm one cf tho sheep left Id
their charge.—.Portland Oregonian.
asked pcrn>'j:Mcn to go to Dr. Jones.
Her mistress t^ijolcoj la the thought,
that the agony ft** at last to he end
ed. When an hour later, however, sue
beheld Hannah march flow a the area
tray steps, the whites of her eyes flash
Ing and ller head bobbing with a ve
hcmenco born cf righteous fury, vision-
net only of lost molars, but of a de
parting cock came before her. She en
tered with the dignity of. lnt**~~*
“Anything wrong. Hapnah? Didn’t
he get the right teeth ?* ventured the
“Got de right toef all right end a dol-
lah an a half besides. Yas’m, ho did
“Well, did he hurt you?’
“No'm, can’t say he did.”
“Then what’s the matter?”
“lYell. Miss ’Liza, didn't you tell nte
dnt man ober dore 'straoted teet Wld-
out payln?”—New York‘Sun.
■tx F's-Jjrhteoeil Lions,
Aa Incident at the Forte St. Martin
thetiter In Pails has become part of
the annals of the show business. The
chief feature of the exhibition was a
“turn” eousdsffng of the casting of a
young woman securely hound into a
cage of lions heralded as being tho
fiercest and most bloodthirsty of man
The woman who had the part of the.
victim was taken III, and a substitute-
was found in tln> wife of one of the
trainers, herself a trainer of some ex
perience, hut without, auy acquaintance
with these particular six Hems. As she
was somewhat nervous she carried a
small club ready for use should oeca
Amid the breathless silence of th<-
spectators the ringmaster explained
the ferocious nature of the lions and
the terrible risk of the woman, and
she was thrust In at the cage dour,
lu the excitement of tlm occasion the
3^jr- wii.-T not securely shut after her.
No sooner was she fairly Inside than
the sis monarch* of the Jungle, seeing
that a strange person had been forced
upon them, raised a chorus of shudder
ing terror, bolted for the cage door,
clawed It open and with dragging tails
and cringing flanks fled out through
a roar entrance and found refuge In a
cellar, whence they were dislodged on
ly after great difficulty.
It was a week before the “ferocious
man enters” were sufficiently recover
ed from their terrors to reappear lb
Fnn Has a Valuable Side.
“Show me a man who does not
appreciate humor,” said John Kendrick
Dangs to me, "and 1 will show you
a man who la morbid, cynical, un
responsive to every call nt nature.
Such a man Is worse than a pessimist
and more to he pitied. Take some of
the greatest and most successful men
In the world. Humor has always play
ed an important part In theJr lives.
Often a funny Incident has marked
the turning point of a great man’s
career. Often some ridiculous con
dition bus been the Impetus of a new
start In life."
Mr. Bungs Is right. Did not Colum
bus’ apparently hopeless task of stand
ing un egg on end make thinkers of
the wise men who snt mound him?
Was not George Washington credited
with being a master of the truth be
cause ho once saw a hoy punished for
trying to Jest with his father and Anal
ly became, as Mr. Bangs facetiously
remarks, so "ho couldn't tell a lie even
if he saw one?" And didn’t Johann
Gutenberg Invent tlic printing press
by working out a 1 hcory which found
Its origin while he was playing leap
frog with some boys on damp ground?
The Impression made In the soli by the
hoys’ feet Is said lo have given Guten
berg his first Idea of the Impression
that could bo made* by typos.—Robert
Mackuy la Success,
Re Forirovo Trmln.
Many years ago the Montana club In
Helena entertained Mark Twain after
a lecture. Uo met many old friends
there and one old enemy. The latter
had come all tbo way from Virginia
City. New. on purpose to settle an old
score. When the glasses were filled
and Mark’s health proposed, this mao
Interrupted the proceedings by saying:
“Hold on a minute. Before we go fur
ther l want to say to you, Sam Clem
ens, that yon did me a dirty trick over
there In Silver City, and I’ve come
here to have a settlement with you.”
There wns n deathly silence for a
moment, when Mark said In bis delib
erate drawl: “Let’s see. That—was—
Bcuutor Sanders suggested that Inas
much as the other fellow had never re
formed Clemens am! nil the others
present forgive him and drink together,
which all did.
Trying to Stake Forty Dollars,
Here Is a haul luck story apropos of
efforts to make a little sum In Wnll
street: A young man started with 5100
and rau It up to $i),S)tK), or 540 less than
an even S10.C00. The desire to round
out the 510,000 goaded him on. He
an Id to his broker, “If I can make that
additional $10 on a quick turn I will
draw out my $10,000 and Invest It in
real estate.” It'was a strong bull mar
ket, but things appeared sky high, and
ho picked out an active stock to sell
short. I think he lauded on T. C. and
I., which had a phenomenal rise and
was duo to drop anywhere from 10 to
50 points, lie sold u:-0 shares at par.
fntemliug to close it out at 90. But
Instead of going down the blannd
thing soured to 120. At every lbr
points’ gain ho sold auother 100 until
he was currying all be could tote.* Iu
2-1 hours he lost nearly every cent K
had taken him three mouths to make
With what little he laid left ho bought
T. I. on tho recession to 11(1, friends of
the Hanover National bauk assuring
him that It was going to 150. Then
came the fireworks and the funeral
The bottom fell out of the specialty
and young Dr. Known 11 found himself
$15,000 lu debt He hasn’t been lu
Wall street since.—New York Press.
On* of Her Warn.
"The ways of the female shopper
-.re beyond the ordinary salesman’s
4en." said a disgusted optician who Is
a business In the shopping sect’on of
'he city. “A woman cam** in here the
-flier day and asked the prices of nil
Inds and styles of spectacles and eye
lasses known to those in the trade.
Iiiaily. after a half hour’s quizzing,
he rustled out with the remnrk:
Thank you, I expect to get a pair of
•hisses for a birthday present, and I
‘nst wnuted to know about the prices
of them. - “—Fhiladijluhla Record-
A Rbnpiiody of Loto.
Only we two alone, engaged In bring
ing about for ourselves the still great
er solitude of two Into oue. Cb, bo-
loved. what a company that will bei
Take uie lu your arms, fasten me to
your heart, breathe oil. me. Deny me
either breath or the light of day. I
am yours equally, to live cr die at
your word. 1 shut my eyes to feel
your kisses falling on me like rain, or
still more Uko sunshine—yet most of
all like kisses, my own dearest an*!
best beloved! — From an "English
Woman's Lovo Letters.”
Things WnahtnKton Never Saw.
It Is hard to make It seem true that
Washington. Jefferson, Franklin and
the fathers of the republic never saw a
railroad or a telegraph line or a sewiti;
machine or a photograph or a typewlt
er or a rubber baud or shoe or a plan
or a stem winding watch or a cyclope
dia or a dictionary or a cliromo or a
steel engraving or a friction match or
a beating stove cr a furnace cr a gas cr
or an electric light cr a tire engine or a
thousand and one other things com
mon to every one today.—Pittsburg
A Splendid Bluff.
Sir Walter Ilesnnt Is said to bare
once settled n disputed cnb fare In a
novel mitnnor. He drove from Plcea
dllly to so tic- place In the suburbs out
side the radius. On getting down he
tendered <o the driver three shilling!
and sixpence, which was a little over
the proper fare. The man, however,
wanted five shillings. Bosact refused
‘I’d Ulce to fight you for it," said the
“The very thing.” said Be sunt, who
had never In his life put on a boxing
glove nud was almost as ignorant a>
Pickwick even of the fighting attitude
The very tiling! "Capital! We’ll
have the fight In the -Gjek garden,
My brother will look on. hold the
stakes and see fair!”
The cabman got down slowly, as If
he did not quite care aliout it after all.
He followed Into the garden, where
there wns a lovely hit of green turf.
Resant placed the flvo shillings In his
friend’s hands, took off his coat nnd
waistcoat and roiled np his sleeves—
all with an air of cheerful alacrity.
“Now, my friend.’’ said he, *’I am
ready ns soon as you are." His anxiety
wns great, but It decreased as he
watched the cabman's face express
uccesalvely all the emotions of bounce,
surprise, doubt, hesitation and abject
No, no.” he said at Inst. “Gimme
the three and six. I know your tricks,
both of you. I've been done this way
Broken at tho Wheel,
In the diary of that remarkable man.
G* acral Patrick Gordon, who left Scot
land In HS51 a poor, uufrieuded wau-
derer and when tie died in 1099 had his
eyes closed by the affectionate bands
of Ids sorrowing master, the czar Peter
the Great, the following eniry Is to be
found, under date of Hamburg. Maycb
“This day, a man nnd a woman, a
burger, of the towns being the womans
master, for murthering. were carted
from the pristine to thp house where
the murder was committed; and there
before this house, with botle plnsers,
the flesh was torreu out of their aruies.
and front thence were carted to the
place of justice without the towne, and
there broken and tnyed on wheels."
An Instance 50 years later.than those
quoted at the last reference Is record
ed In the "Correspondence of Mr. Jo
seph .Tekyll” (Murray, ISIM). iu April.
1775, from the balcony of his lodgings
at Orleans, Jekyll saw a criminal bro
ken on the wheel. Iu a letter to his
father (p. 13) he enters minutely Into
the sickening details, adding that “the
crime of the unfortunate creature was
burglary, as we learnt from Ids sen
tence. which Is posted up at every cor
ner of the streets.’’—Notes aud Queries.
Be Stnnned the Porter. , J •
On one occasion Sims iteema, tb®
famous tenor, was stranded at a coun
try Junction Waiting for a train, it
wux'coW and miserable, and the singer
was naturally hot la the best of tem
pers. While chewing the cud of disap.
polntment an old railway porter who
recognized hitn from like published por
traits entered the waiting room.,
Good evening, Mr. Sims Reeves," he
Good evening, toy man," replied tbs
vocalist, getting ready the necessary
tip. But the man »;iUBbt for Informa
tion rather limn Ups.
“They toll tuc you cam a heap of
money,” he remarked.
•Chr’. murmured Mr. Re-eves.
•And-yet,” pursued the porter, "you
don’t work hard. Not so hat-0 as I do >
tor Instance.- But I dessuy you earn-
p’rnps ten times what I do—eh?’
What' do yoa earn?’ asked the |
Eighteen shillings a week all the]
year round," said the porter.
Sims Reeves opened his chest. “Do, |
re, ml—do," he sung, the last cote be-1
lug a ringing top one. “There, nay J
man; there’s your year's salary gone.”
The amazed railway man gazed won-l
dcrtngly at the singer for a full min-1
ute. Then, as though his thoughts I
were "far too deep for words," ho si-1
lently resumed his prosaic occupation I
—Golden Fenny. 1
Sot Strong Enor.ah.
At one of the clubs the other day
two members were arguing about wlll|
The conceited man. who was in thel
habit of boring all present with lilsl
pointless tales, said that bis will wnsf
stronger than his friend’s.
"You are wrong there," said the qctetl
man, "and I will prove It in this way:)
You go and stand lu that corner, awf
1 will will you to come out of It Yoil
will agalast tne. nnd 1 bet you that ll
will have you from that corner before)
1 have eommnuded you a second time.’ 1
The smart one took the bet nnd pu)
himself lu the corner. The quiet
said In a commanding voice: .
“Come out of that eorperl” T
The other grinned and shc|c!i hll
head. The quiet man sat down aatl
looked at him steadily. Five minute!
passed, and the man of will snIJ, vrliM
a sneer: "Hadn’t you better give It up|
I don't feel any Influence at nil, and |
can’t stnnd here all the evening
“There Is no hurry,” said the qulol
man, “and I have a very coim'onnbll
seat. There is no time limit exeepl
that you are to come ont before I asa
you twice, anr] ns 1 don’t inter.l ro as/
you again until this day week 1 ibinl
you will feel the Influence beforf
The smart one came cut looking vc
Enutlutiraen In America.
Among Englishmen who come to
America a British author, Mr. Vachell.
enumerates "the parson’s soil, the for
tune hunter, the moral Idiot, the re
mlrtnnce man nud the sportsman.”
I* Is a clever and comprehensive
rittaloirne, but It omits one of the types
most Interesting to Americans - the Ir
responsible "younger son" sent to “the
States’’ to seek a fortune he has never
been nblo to find at home or to avoid
a maturing crop of wild oats.—New
Even a Scotchman cannot always I
humorous, if he would. gdJki’ otbi!
people, however, he i^ souet!in(|
fuui»y without mefinlngSLto k<
? ! dotfish-.'.merlcan thinks--.flint ill
message sent by a young man I
Peeblesshire to his watting bride
have kept her from worrying over!
nonappr-aratiee, but that she must ;t|
all have received It with mixed
The bride elect lived In a village si
distance from the home' of William.i
bridegroom. The wedding was 10 li)
her h*me. On the eventful day
young man started for the station. |
on the way met the village grocer.'
talked so entertainingly that Will;
missed bts train.
Naturally he was in what Is kwj
as a "state of mind.” Something it
be done and done nt cure*. So be t
the following telegram:
Don’t marry till I H>me. Wjuu^
If the bride elect knew her Tllliaj
she probably knew how he fel* wlieaf
sent tho message and forgave the u) l l
tul confusion which resulted >n
she must have looked upon us a
Harry—Unde George, at the end of
thts marriage notice of Cousin Tom’s
It says, “No cards.” VThut does that
Uncle George—It doesn’t mean any
thing, Harry. That la to say. It Is only
a blind. It Is a promise that Tom will
give up cards, but. bless you. he won’t
be a month married before he’ll be
back to the poker table again.—Ex
Wh»n Stic La an Iw O.
In his vohime on Ellen Terry Cll
ent Scott tolls of a soutewhai self f
isCed, vainglorious and grumpy
who complained that the uoled
lish actress continually laughed k)|
of his most "Important scenes. Ur J
not the courage to tell her bis oi|
tions. so he wrote her a letter ot la
broken complaint. In which hr
”1 am extremely sorry to tell you i
It Is Impossible, for me to make aajl
feet iu such and such a scene If r
persist In laughing at me on the dl
and so spoiling the situation •'*"!
ask you to change your attitude]
the scene Is a most trying oar)"’
Miss Torry’it answer was very dly
aud to the point, for she wrote:
are quitu mistaken. 1 uevfr tsuij
you on tho stage. 1 wait uk <|
A Fated Spot.
About a mile south of the MW
stare line nnd near Cedar lakr- la*]
Is a small spot of land upon
vegetation al-soigtelj refur' t t'
The surrounding afPI
ly the same,. Is’very product!'”]
spot Is lees than 20 feet ,u '
and. Is located in a grove
difion declares to have I
ture ground Jf the Fan’be”*"