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MANY SECRET MINES.
ENGLAND’S COAST STUDDED WITH
THESE DEFENSES.
Their Locality, Approach*** nnl Fir-
Idk Point* Arc >Jy*terle* That For
eign Spir* Have Often Tried, hut
Alnip In Vain, t< Solve.
England has the most formidable
navy in the world, but she does not
rely upon it alone in the event of war
to prevent a foreign force from landing
upon her shores. London Tit-Bits, in
an article on the secret coast defenses
of (treat Britain, says:
In the event of war no alien army
con Id approach our shores without im
periling its navy by encountering our
explosive mines, scores of which sur
rom 1 our coasts at all places likely to
be selected for attack by a foreign foe.
The Thames is al o carefully shielded
by similar secret mines, one of those
being in the vicinity of Blaekwall. The
precise locality of these mines is, how
ever, for obvious reasons, kept a dark
and inscrutable mystery, and the ap
proaches to them ure so cleverly con
structed and concealed that noone save
an expert would suspect their real
character.
An innocent looking cellar at the
basement of a certain tradesman’s shop
is the entrance to one important mine,,
but even the tradesman himself is not
aware that the government rents his
cellar, nor does he ever surmise the trim
nature of the operations carried on
therein. The mines are equipped with
explosives of the most potent kind and
admirably connected with tho secret
chambers on shore by means of electric
wires.
Each mine iH controlled by a button,
over which are printed particulars re
lating to the location and character of
the mine. This button is placed in the
wall of the secret chamber and covered
by a double door, securely locked, the
outer door so closely resembling the
wall of the chamber that no one bnt
those in tho secret could detect its pres
ence. The chambers are double locked
and approached by passages protected
in a similar manner.
Every lock and key is specially made
for tho government and is unlike any
other. Only a few of the very highest
officials are allowed to use these keys,
ambthoy are solemnly sworn to preserve
their secret rigidly. No persons apart
from those especially empowered may
inspect or visit any of the secret cham
bers at any time except by express
written permit personally procured
from a certain high official. This is ex
ceedingly difficult to obtain, and in
fact is rarely ever granted.
Prior to such a permit being issued
the officials assure themselves that the
possessor of the document bears a
blameless character, is British born and
has no ulterior reasons for preferring
his request. This settled, he is sworn
to secrecy in the most solemn manner,
blindfolded and conducted by a circuit
ous route to the secret chamber, where
he is permitted to use his eyes, but not
his tongue, no questions being answer
ed by the attending officials.
Strange stories have been told of at
tempts made by foreign spies to pene
trate the privacy of these mysterious
mines.
A young lieutenant in the navy,
whose honorable character won the con
fidence of his superior officers some
years since, was accorded the privilege
of guarding one of these secret mines
and intrusted with certain information
concerning its character.
Soon after his appointment ha became
engaged to a charming young French
lady of whom ho was desperately enam
ored. By some inexplicable means lii
fiancee got to hear of his appointment
and hy alternate threats aud persuasioi
induced him to take her to see the se
cret mine under his care.
On the evening arranged, after ex
tracting a solemn vow of secrecy from
his ladylove aud getting her to don the
dress of a naval officer for the occasion,
he was about to set out on his secret
mission when, to his surprise and
alarm, ho and his companion were ar
rested by detectives. In Borne mysterious
manner tho authorities had been en
lightened as to the proceedings on foot
and were in time to stop them.
For “breach of regulations” the
young lieutenant was subsequently
court martialed and reduced, while his
charming companion, who proved to be
a spy in the employ of the French gov
ernment, was conveyed back to her own
country, with a caustic caution.
On another occasion a German gen
tleman contrived to locate the entrance
to om of the secret chambers and actu
ally hired a member of the Bill Sikes
frat, rnity to aid him in negotiating the
double locks one dark November night.
But so splendidly fitted and fortified
were these appliances both the visitors
were doomed to disappointment. Re
turning from the rendezvous, both the
plotter and his accomplice were arrested
aud imprisoned.
In 1850 the tallest building in New
York was only five stories high, and the
church spires were conspicuous above
them. Now there is only one spire in
the city as high as the tallest building
A Kaffir’s religion consists mostly in
tinging and dancing.
POPULAR PROVERBS.
|OME THAT ARE FAIRLY BRIMFUL OF
A3SURDITY.
Maxim* Often <luot**l n ntl nt Time*
tdvnncrd n Armament Which Have
Neither AVIt Nor Wiadom to Com
mend Them—Contend ictory Saying*.
There is a mistaken notion abroad,
says a writer in London Tit-Bits, that
proverbs’ are epitomes of wisdom, the
concenti ated experience of generi f ions,
and that to quote one of th an in a dis
cussion is to advance an unanswerable
argument. And yet what is there to
recommend many of them beyond their
jingleV Take oar familiar friend:
Earlv to Bed and Early to Rise, Makes
a Man*Healthy, Wealthy and Wise.r-
OLvionsly, tla* main idea was to find a
v• rd lorhyv v. b!i “rise " and “wis.*”
v as the uni . r.unate word chosen. Am.
now, trustL little hoys arc persuaded
t go tobed n, in,:’ •asoiaibly early hours
in the hope of becoming a sort of San
dow-Rotlischl Id-Solomon, though we
all know milk; ■ :: ana market garden
ia’s who get up at 5 a. m. and are nei
ther rich nor clever, and members of
]•• riLament who go to bed late and are,
if not clever, at least not poor and in
firm. Since the invention of gas and
electric light thi ridiculous old proverb
has outlived its original modicum of
truth, and proves we must not venerate
proverbs on account of their hoary an
tiquity.
The Early Bird Catches the Worm. —
The mistake made b. re is that it assumes
we are all birds. But some of us are
worms. If we were not, what would
become of the birds? And, therefore,
while tli© birds do well to be early, let
the worms be late—the later the better.
The Pitcher That Goes Oft to the Well
Is Broken at Last.—Note, it does not say
“is broken first,” but “is broken at
last.’’ Of course, every pitcher, wheth
er it goes to llie well or stays on the
shelf, is broken at last, and the only re
sult of this absurd proverb is to encour
age lazy folk to do as little work as pos
sible and unnecessarily keep out of
harm’s way.
If You Want a Thing Well Done, Do
It Yourself. —There’s shocking bad ad
vice with which to start a youth on
life’s journey. If lie wants a button
well sewed on, he’s to do it himself; if
he wants his hair well cut, he’s to cut
it himself. He must mend his own
chairs, shoe his own nag. darn his own
socks. In short, from buying a horse to
blacking his boots, he must do it him
self. Poor fellow!
A Contented Mind Is a Continual
Feast. —Can any one say what that
means? Does it mean that the owner
continually feasts on his contented mind
or that the contented mind is contin
ually feasting? Probably the latter, as
we sometimes hear that “a hungry
man’s an angry man,” and we all know
that a satisfied appetite is the source of
contentment. Hence it is not the con
tented mind which makes the feast, as
the silly proverb implies, hut the con
tinual feast which produces the con
tented mind.
There’s No Rule Without an Excep
tion. —This is not only a proverb; it is
also a rule. But obviously there is no
exception to this rule, because if there
were a rule with an exception this
proberh would be untrue. But the prov
erb is a rule which has no exception,
which, as Mr. Euclid would say, is ab
surd. Which was to be shown.
Where Ignorance Is Bliss, Tis Folly
to Be Wise. —For oracular stupidity
this proverb may be classed with the
one about the pitcher. Granting it true,
the difficulty is to know where igno
rance is bliss and of course the prov
erb gives no assistance where it is
most needed. Most people quote it as
“ignorance is bliss,” in their blissful
ignorance, but if a proverb gives rise
to error it is not only absurd; it is also
dangerous. When people say—
A Little Learning Is a Dangerous
Thing—They make that a reason not
for learning more, but for learning less.
Love Me, Love My Dog.—lf I go
a-eourting, and my ladylove bids me love
her scented, dyspeptic poodle, which is
not necessary to her health and comfort,
must I not much more love her glass
eye%nd false teeth and hair, which are?
Yet common sense revolts at the notion,
and 1 therefore assume that a proverb
which, logically treated, makes such
unreasonable demands on my affections
is wrong and absurd.
Seeing Is Believing. —How can any re
llectiug person repeat these words? For
very often we believe we see what real
ly we do not. If a conjurer were to take
this proverb as his motto, every one
would see its absurdity. A straight
stick half submerged in water looks
crooked. Fortunately, another proverb
says, “Trust not to appearances. ” And
this bring us to the exquisite absurdity
of popular proverbs which run in con
tradictory pairs and support both sides
of an argument. Thus one proverb says,
“Look before you leap;’’ another,
4 Who hesitates is lost. ” Sometimes we
hear that “Second thoughts are best;”
at other times that “Delays are danger
ous. ’ ’ The desperate man relies on
“Nothing venture, nothing havethe
cautious man on “Never venture out of
your depth till yon can swim. ’’ The
impatient matrimonial candidate be
lieves that “Happy’s the wooing that’s
not long a-doing;” the tardy one that
one may “Marry in haste and repent at
leisure. ” And so on ad infinitum. “Ab
sence makes the heart grow fonder” —
“Out of sight, out of mind,’’ “It’s never
too late to mend” —“A fool at 40 will
never be wise.” “Too many cooks spoil
the broth”—“There’s safety in num
bers” and “Two heads are better than
one. ”
Therefore, let us examine our prover
bial coinage before we pass it into the
moral currency.
TRICKS OF A MIND READER.
Tiie S.’mple Explanation of an Ap
parently Iliftleult Feat.
“Speaking of telegraphy, ’ ’ said a gen
tleman who takes an interest in occult
studies, “reminds of an incident which
created a great stir some years ago, but
is now about forgotten. A New \ork
lawyer, who claimed to be able to pro
ject thought, had a committee of skep
tics select a playing card at random and
then wired a friend in San Francisco,
asking him to think of a card and tele
graph back what one came into his
mind. The card selected was the five of
spades and the reply was correct. AH
the parties were well known, and the
experiment caused an immense sensa
tion.
“The newspapers discussed it by tha
column, and it was exploited as a posi
tive demonstration of thought transfer
ence, but as a matter of fact the whole
thing was merely a clever trick. I had
it afterward explained to mo by one of
the people on the inside. It had been
prearranged with the San Francisco
man that the cue to the right card was
to be the wording of the message. The
denomination was indicated by the
number of words in the second sentence.
If, for instance, it was an ace, the sen
tence would be only one word, ‘Answer;’
if a deuce it would bo ‘Answer immedi
ately, ’ and so on.
“As it happened to boa five the mes
sage ran, ‘Telegraph reply quickly as
possible. ’ The suit of the card was re
vealed by the signature. Signing the
name in full meant hearts, the first only
meant clubs, the last name meant
spades, and the initials meant diamonds.
The system was beautifully simple, and
the message seemed on its face perfect
ly innocent. It was carefully examined
to find a hidden word, but baffled tha
investigators. As far as I know, the
truth about the affair has never been
printed.”—New Orleans Times-Demo
crat.
Diplomacy.
One day a gentleman was holding a
conversation with his wife in the pres
ence of their 5-year-old son, and among
other things mentioned was “diploma
cy.”
“Pa,” said tho youngster when a
break in the conversation allowed him
to interfere, “what does diplomacy
mean ?”
“Diplomacy, my son,” said the fa
ther, “is this—doing exactly the right
thing at exactly the right moment.”
“Then I suppose I used diplomacy
when I got out of the pantry yesterday,
dad, did I?”
“What do you mean?” was the reply.
“Why,” said tho son, “I got into the
back yard with that meat pie just at
the moment ma caught the cat in the
pantry and told you to drown her foi
thieving. ” —Pearson’s Weekly.
He Wasn’t Proud.
The London Telegraph says that
while a certain bishop was waiting fci
a train at Waterloo station, a porter,
who often sees him into a compartment
and shuts the door, in order that his
lordship may be alone, came up to him
in a state of excitement and asked:
“Your reverence, do you see that
gentleman standing in the doorway
over there?”
“Yes,” answered the bishop.
“Do you know who it is?” continued
the porter.
“No,” said his lordship.
The railway man then whispered:
“It’s the ‘Coffee Cooler,’ your rever
ence. Oh, he ain’t proud! He’ll shake
hands with your reverence if you like.”
The “Coffee Cooler” is a noted col
ored prizefighter.
Ingronlng Nalls.
To prevent an ingrowing nail a strip
of cotton should be worked between the
nail and the flesh, left large enough to
cover the entire nail. A piece of cotton
is then twisted into a long roll and
placed on the other side of the nail
groove over the sound skin. The space
between is filled with lead nitrate,
heaped up, and the larger piece of cot
ton folded over it, with more cotton
outside, held in place with a moist
bandage. This dressing is renewed ev
ery day, and in two or three the exu
berance is reduced until the edge of the
nail can he seen, and cotton inserted
between it and the flesh beneath, when
the nitrate can be discontinued.
Moruiotilsm.
The good wife looked at her mending
basket and sighed. If she hadn’t seen
them there she wouldn’t have believed
her husband could have worn holes iu
so many pairs of socks in so short a
time.
“There are occasions,” she said at
last, “when I am almost ready to be
lieve that it would be a good thing for
a man to be a Mormon. ”
Then she went at the job she would
willingly have shared with a few other
wives.—Chicago Post
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JACK AND HIS WILL.
A Special Act of the British Parlia
ment Arrange* That Matter.
Jack has the proud distinction of
having had an act of parliament passed
for the express purpose of deciding the
way in which he must make his will,
so that while all other Britons are
lumped together in this matter under
the wills act of 1838 sailors’ testament
ary documents are made under the
naval wills act of 1866. The most im
portant proviso of this act is that all
wills made by sailors or marines must
be witnessed and attested by the chap
lain or some other officer if they are
actually made on board ship, and this
is somewhat curious.
If a sailor likes to make his will on
shore, any one can witness it for him,
but on board ship the case is different.
Needless to say they almost all to a
man choose the latter course, as they
know that things will be straighter for
bearing an officer’s signature. If, how
ever, supposing that the vessel was in
action and a man was to be struck
down who had not previously made a
will, if he had to do so before he died,
even if it were not attested by an offi
cer, the admiralty has full power to
act on the merits of the case and to dis
pense with that or any other formality
that it was impossible to comply with.
Another thing—-a sailor shares with a
soldier the privilege of when on active
service being the only nan who can
dispense with a written \wh and make
a verbal one.
In former times any one could make
his will verbally if he so desired,
but this, as may be supposed, opened
the door to no end of fraud, and it was
consequently repealed in the 1838 act,
except in the case mentioned above.
On the night before a ship or a regi
ment goes into action there is no more
pathetic sight than to see the men,
young and old, laboriously writing their
wills in case tomorrow should be their
last day in this world, and what with
witnessing wills and making them on
the forms issued by the authorities for
those who cannot write—and this class
has now almost entirely disappeared
from both the navy and the army—the
officers have a very busy time.—Lon
don Golden Penny.
THISTLE DOWNS.
Lighter and whiter than a flying flake
Of winter snow-3 through wan air winnowing,
The thistledowns their sudden journeys take
O'er meadows wide in vagrant wandering.
No more shall they to earth reluctant cling
Asa moss lined and slowly sinking stone
Left lying in an outer \va=ie alone.
Beside the edge of some remote morass,
But high they toss above the fields new mown,
Like disembodied spirits of the grass.
The drowsy atmosphere in lines opaque
Leans to the sun, that fast is gathering
The last faint dews, his iiery thirst to slack,
While swallows dip, on ever restless wing.
Across a dusty road the robins sing,
And bumblebees upon the clover drone,
While thistle downs in airy spaces lone
Along the skies in happy freedom pass,
Voyaging afar to mystic climes unknown,
Like disembodied spirits of the grass.
—Ernest McGaffey.
HERE is a medical lecture
in a nutshell. The Kid
neys drain water and im
purities from the blood. The
Liver makes bile and helps to
drive off other waste. If these
organs work badly the body
becomes a cesspool and disease
sets in. You must get them into
healthy action or die.
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*' THE WORLD, Pulitzer Building, j
new york:
Law-Made Wealth.
You may think that peoplo can
not be made rich by law. There
are some peoqie whom you are
pleased to call shrewd and wise
that don’t share your opinions.
They art always pleasent with men
and money, to have certain laws
passed, and are ever willing to pay
for them. Do you think these fel
lows make no money by the law?
Laborers are so far too ignorant to
see the character of laws that
would benefit them. Capitalists
study the situation, find how the
law will operate in their favor aud
then go after it with the votes of
the fools who will be skinned by
the law.—Reform Press.
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