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ADVICE TOJUSBANDS
Give Up Your Barren Scepter as
Master of the House.
JOHN HAY’S FIRST SPEECH.
A Witty Response to the Tcast “Our
Countrywomen" at a Banquet In
Paris When He Was Secretary of
Legation In the French Capital.
By official proclamation President
Johnson set apart the first Thursday
of December. 1865. as a day of na
tional thanksgiving. The American
tesidents and visitors in Paris deemed
It an occasion to be celebrated with
more than usual ceremony. The re
sult was that at 8 o’clock on the even
ing of the 7th of December some 253
of our countrymen sat down to a
dinner in the spacious dining room of
the Grand hotel in Paris, then regard
ed by travelers as the most elegant
public dining hall In Europe.
After a succession of speeches the
chairman closed t he entertainment
with a toast to “Our Countrywomen”
and asked Colonel John Hay, then
secretary of legation in Paris, to re
spond to it. As this was probably tin
first public speech Mr. Hay had ever
made and though nothing he then said
could possibly add any luster to his
subsequent career, it may Justly be
said that it was more successful than
the first public effort in oratory either
of Sheridan or of Beacons field. lie
replied in part as follows:
“My Countrymen (and I would sny
my countrywomen but that the for
mer word embraces the latter when
ever opportunity offers)—l cannot un
derstand why 1 should have been call
ed upon to respond to this toast of
all others, having uothing but theo
retical ideas upon the subject to be
treated—one. in fact. I must be pre
sumed never to have handled. [Laugh
ter and applause.J
“I have been called up. too. by a com
mittee of married men. I can think of
no claim 1 have to be considered an
authority in these matters except what
might arise from the fact of my hav
ing resided In early life in the same
neighborhood with Brigham Young,
who has since gained some reputation
as a thorough and practical ladies’
tnan. [Great laughter.] I am not con
scious. however, of having Imbibed
any such wisdom at the feet of this
matrimonial Gamaliel as should justly
entitle me to be heard among the
elders.
“So I am Inevitably forced to the
conclusion that these husbands cannot
trust each other's discretion. The se
crets of the prison house arc too im
portant to be trusted to one of the
prisoners. So Ignorance of the matter
In hand lias come to be held an abso
lute prerequisite when any one is to be
sacrificed to the exigencies of this
toast.
“I really do uot see why this should
be so. It is useless for husbands to
attempt to keep this thin veneering of
a semblance of authority. The sym
bols of government they still retain de
ceive nobody. They may comfort t hem
fort themselves wish the assurance of
some vague. Invisible atiprcmaup, like
that of the spiritual mikado or the
grand llama, but the true tycoon is the
wife. A witty and profound observer
the other day said. ‘Every husband
doubtless knows he is master in his
own house, but he also knows his
neighbor’s wife is master in hers.'
[Laughter and cheers.|
“Why should not you. husbands of
America, admit this great truth and
give up the barren scepter? Things
would go much easier if you ceased
the struggle to keep up appearances.
The ladies will not be hard on you.
They will recognize the fact that, after
all. you arc their fellow creatures, ami
you can be very useful to them in
many little ways. They will doubtless
allow you to pay their bills, take care
of their children and carry their votes
to the ballot box just as you do now.
"You had better come down grace
fully. and. above all. let no feeling of
discovered inferiority betray you into
evil speaking of tiie domestic powers.
There have been recent instances of
distinguished gentlemen, no doubt in
stigated by rebellious husbands, who
have recklessly accused these guard
ian angels of your fireside of being
extravagant and frivolous. Those
things are never uttered with impuni
ty. 1 would not insure the life of one
who libels the ladies for less than cent
per cent.
"Discite justitiutn monlti et non tetn
nere Divas, which, as you may not un
derstand the backwoods pronunciation
of the classic warning. 1 will translate
with a freedom befitting the day we
celebrate:
“Now. all you happy husbands.
Beware the rebel's fate!
Live in obedience alt your lives.
Give up your latcbKeys to your wives
And never stay out late ’
[Laughter and cheers.J—From John
Bigelow’s "Retrospections of an Active
Life” in Metropolitan Magazine.
t
The Alternative. ♦
Col jfitiient— Say. Bill, the salary
that goes with my Job isn’t half
enough to live on. Can’t you use your
influence to have it ra.sed a little? Al
derman—l’m afraid not. Jake. But I’ll
do better than that. I’ll use my in
fluence to have a cheaper man appoint
ed to the place.—Chicago Tribune.
A Quick Thinker.
Dittersdorf Here come two evil
looking rascals. I shouldn't wonder if
we were held up. Heinz. — I’m afraid
so. By the bye. here’s that dollar you
lent me this morning.—Meggendorfer
Blatter.
A UNIQUE EXPERIMENT.
Boiling and Freezing Water at the
Same Time.
The possibility of boiling and frcez
ing water at the same time in the lab
oratory is oue of the most interesting
developments of modern science. The
temperature at which water boils de
pends simply on the air pressure above
its surface at the time. If there is
high pressure the water has to be
made a g( od deal hotter to boil than
at low pressure.
On mountains where the air pressure
Is a good deal lower than at sea level
water boils easily at low temperature.
In cooking vegetables that require a
certain degree of beat and where the
water boils before that degree is readi
ed the vegetables will not get done.
They consequently have to be put into
a closed boiler so that the generated
steam will create enough pressure for
the water to boil at or beyond the re
quired temperature. In the experi
mental proof of this fact water is
placed in a vessel and the air ex
hausted from above the surface of the
water. As the process of pumping
goes on the water will violently boil,
the steam congealing on the sides of
the exhaust vessel. If the pumping is
continued long enough and the outside
is cooled below the freezing point of
water the water will continue to boil
and bubble till it is frozen into a
snowy mass of ice.
This fact is also made use of in tak
ing a rough test of the height of i
mountain. Ordinarily at sea level
where the pressure is about thirty
Inches of mercury water boils at 212
degrees F. Now. if it is noticed that
at a certain place it boils at a few
degrees lower the height of that place
can be easily ascertained by com
parison with a table made out for this
purpose. In general for every degree
the boiling takes place under 212 a
height of about 500 feet Is counted.
Of course those principles do uot ap
ply to water alone, but are characteris
tic of all liquids.—New York Tribune.
FISH LOCOMOTION.
Tho Nature and Functions of the So
Called Air Bladders.
Leaning over the parapet of some old
stone breakwater or pier head and
watching the fish playing about in the
clear green depths below, perhaps the
last thought which is likely to occur to
any of us is that we are lookiug on at
a really astonishing thing. That a tish
is able to propel itself through the wa
ter in any desired direction is in no
way surprising, but that it can change
its level at will, rising or falling with
out the use of its tins, and instantly
assuming a horizontal or vertical posi
tion, according to the mood or need of
the moment, is a fact that a little re
flection will soon develop into prime
motive for wonder.
For it is clear that the fish must be
able at will to vary its weight in rela
tion to tlie water it displaces. When it
sinks to the bottom it must have sud
denly rendered itself heavier than the
medium it Inhabits; each time it rises
to the surface like a released cork,
head first, tail pointing almost vertical
ly downward, it must not only have
transformed itself into something
lighter than the water, but must have
become lighter in its fore parts than in
its tail.
The mystery, for such it undoubtedly
is on a casual siiryey, says the London
Chronicle, resolves itself immediate!}'
we come to study the nature and func
tions of tlie so called air bladder in
fishes. By this contrivance all these
intricate movements of the tish are
brought about.
The bladder, however, contains not
air, as is commonly supposed, but gas.
which is discharged or regenerated by
certain organs of the fish, according to
whether upward or downward tuove-
mont is necessary: also either tin*
whole length of the bladder or only its
front or rear portlou can be in fin ted.
Thus the fish is able to swim level or.
by altering its center of gravity, to
raise or lower either head or tail at
will.
Singular Services of Sheep.
In the northern part of India sheep
are put to a use unthought of in Euro
pean or American countries. They
are made to serve as beasts of burden
The mountain paths along tin* foothills
of the Himalayas are so precipitous
that the sheep, more sure footed than
larger beasts, are preferred as burden
carriers. The load for each sheep is
from sixteen to twenty pounds. The
sheep are driven from village to vil
lage. with the wool still growing, and
in each town the farmer shears as
much wool its he can sell there and
loads the sheep with the grain which
ne receives In exchange. After the
flock has been sheared be turns it
homeward, each sheep having on its
back a small bag containing the pur
chased grain.
Economy.
Mrs. Blockley—John, do you know
that Royal Worcester vase I bought
yesterday for £5? Well, they reduced
them to £3 this morning. Mr. Block
ley—Then you lost £2 by not waiting
until this morning. Mrs. Blockley—Mo:
only £l. 1 went down today and bought
another for £3. making two of them
average £4 each —London Fun.
Bobby’s Questions.
Small Bobby—Papa, why cij a man
run faster than a boy?
Papa—Because he is bigger, my boy.
Small Bobby (after pondering for a
few moments)—Well, if that’s the rea
son. why don't the hind wheels of a
wagon run faster than the front
wheels?—Chicago News.
If you wish to reach the highest, be
gin at the lowest.—Syrus.
How Qld Spiders Live.
Old spiders, which have neither web
nor the materials to make one, often
hunt about to find out the welts ot
other spiders, younger and weaker
than themselves, with whom they ven
ture battle. The invader generally
succeeds, and the younger spider is
driven out to make it new web, and
the old spider remains in possession
until a stronger spider invades the
web and drives it out. When thus dis
possessed the spider seldom ventures
another attack, but tries to subsist
upon the few inserts that may fall
accidentally into its clutches and
eventually dies of hunger.
Insolent.
“Why arp you so indolent?" demand
ed tlie stern parent. “You don’t see
me letting the grass grow under my
feet.”
“No.’’ replied the son. “If you had
let some grow under your feet you
wouldn't he so near having it grow
over your head.”— Philadelphia Record.
An Optimist.
“I’a. what’s an optimist?”
“A man who has four children and
continues to think the price ot living
is no more than it’s worth.’—Ex
change.
Perhaps It Is.
“If you want a thing well done"—
“Get an expert to do it for you.
Ain’t that more sense than what you
were going to say?”—Cleveland Lead
er.
THE COMET HUNTER.
His Emotions When He Finds a New
Wanderer In Space.
The process ot omet (muting is per
haps the most fascinating branch or
practical astronomy. If there still lives
among us moderns one only survivor
of the traditional astronomer, one pa
tieut, expectant lover of ike skies,
seek him among the comet hunters,
for today, its of old. you will find him
perched on some tower scanning the
heavens from dusk to dawn, sleepless,
almost hopeless ot success, yet ever
| supported by the thought that perhaps
| he, 100, may add his chapter to tlie
j story celestial. Let us follow him at
| his work. Suddenly he sights a taint
j patch of hazy light, is for an instant
| uncertain, yet trusts that his eye de
-1 ceives him not. Another minute and a
larger telescope lias made him sure, it
is there. He hurries to his library and
consults Herschel's catalogue ot known
nebulae. lie finds the plaee in the
book; down the page runs his eager
finger. There is nothing recorded at
that exact spot on the sky. It must be
a comet. Yet even Herschel's careful
scrutiny was not so very Infrequently
at fault. As yet there is no certainty.
He must apply the Him I test.
The larger telescope is now brought
into play. If this is truly a comet it
must he following some appointed or
bit in space. It must be changing its
position with reference to the stars.
Probably half an hour will serve to
settle the question to an experienced
eye. The minutes pass. Is there mo
tion or is there not? He thinks there
is. Now he is almost sure there is
Yes. No man could remain impassive.
Ilis pipe goes out; he forgets to smoke.
Another quarter hour makes assurance
, doubly sure. Success is tns.
But now he is seized with anew
fear. Is he the tirst or has some other
anticipated the discovery? There is
another tireless comet hunter who
lives in \ ienna. Perhaps even now
; word is on the telegraphic cables.
There is need of haste. The astrutio
i mer runs to the telephone, calls long
distance and asks for the Harvard
! college observatory, which is the cen
tral distributing station for announc
ing uew discoveries. They iell him
j calmly that they have heard nothing;
that the discovery will beat once veri
fied and made known by cable ami
I telegram in every observatory through
out tlie world before morning, our
astronomer goes to shut up his tele
scopes. He will work uo more tonight,
but he sways a little as be crosses the
i room.—Professor Harold Jacoby iu
j Harper’s Weekly.
10 Per Cent. Saved on Plows
at
WOODRUFFS
11 ~ //- § \
WE ARE HEADQUARTERS for Plows, and mean just
what we say when we say we can save you 10 per cent,
on your Plows. We have the goods, and we are willing to
make the prices:
Small one-horse Chilled Plow $ 4 00
Large one-horse Chilled Plow 4 50
Small two-horse Chilled Plow 6 00
Regular two-horse Chilled Plow 7 50
Extra large two-horse Chilled Plow 8 (X)
Best Chilled Middle Breakers 7 50
Steel Middle Breakers 9 00
Large Steel Middle Breakers 10 00
Chattanooga Reversible Disc Plows 33 00
Avery Reversible Disc Plows 33 00
John Deer Stalk Cutters *2B 00
We affirm that the alxrve prices are 10 per cent, under
what others get for similar goods. Come while they last, and
save money.
Woodruff Hardware and Manufacturing Cos.
WIINDER. GA.
ANNOUNCEMEN1 1 .
I beg to inform my friends and the public that I
have secured the agency for the celebrated
if /yU\ \ HUB BRAND SHOES
VVBV/ For Men, Ladies and Children. Before buying
your shoes call and inspect mv line. I wiU save
you money and sell you better shoes.
F. HOFMEISTER, Winder, Ga.
A FAR SIGHTED MAN,
Knowing the uncertainties of the future and
realizing the responsibilities of life, does not let
the fire which may consume his property hud
him without Insurance. Furthermore, he pro
tects his estate and those dependent on him by
insuring his own life.
For reliable Insurance, life and fire, see
KILGORE & RADFORD, Insurancec Agents,
BfcirOffice at The Winder Banking Company.
H. J. GARRISON,
THE. JE.WLL LR
FULL LINE OF
High-Class Jewelry, Watches,
Clocks, Silverware, Etc.
—— MJMh mrm* •* fcWH HMMr 1 RMMMMMuaMH DVMMMMMWMM
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H. J. GARRISON.