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the noDEVtv trnooL TEArnrjL 'Twin Saturday night, and a teacher t Alone her task pursuing; She averaged this and she averaged that, Of ail that her class was doing, She reckoned percentage so many boys, And so many girls ail counted, And marked all the tanly and ahaentQM, And to whai all the absence amounted. Karnes anti residences wrote In full, O’er many columns nnd pages; Canadian, Teutonic. African, Celt, And averaged all their ages, The date of admission of every one, And cases of flagellation; And prepared a list of gruduatet For the county examination. Her weary head sank low on her book. And her weary heart still lower; For some of her pupils had little brain, And she could not furnish more. She slept, the dreamed ; it seemed she died, And nor pirit went to Hades, And they met her there with a question fair, " Stall? what the per cent, of your grade i? M Ages b.id slowly rolled away, Leaving but partial trace*; And the teacher’s spirit walked uo day In the old familiar places. A mound of fossilized school reports Attracted her observation, As high a* the State-house dome and as wide As Boston since annexation. She came to the spot where they buried her bones, A ml the ground was well built over: Tint laborers digging threw out a skull, Once planted beneath the clover. A disciple of Galen, w andering by, Paused to look at the. diggers; Ami plucking the skull up, look'd through tho eyo, And saw it was lined with figures. 44 Just as I thought,” said the young M. D.— •• How easy It is to kill ’em I Statistics ossified every fold Of cerebrum and cerrebellurn.” “ It’s a great curiosity, sure,” said Pat, “ By the bones you can tell the creature 1” 14 Ob, nothing strange,” said tho doctor; 44 that Was a iiini'teentli-ceiitury teacher.” Jiottrm Timet. Stories About Blind Mon. Three men, two of them blind, were drinking together one night, in the room of a public house, find as is too often the result of sueli convivial meetings, one of the blind men quarreled find came to blows with the man that could sec. Here was likely to boa battlo not by any means on equal terms. But tho other blind man was equal to tho occasion. That the man who could see should have no unduo advantage over his less fortu nate opponent, up jumped tho blind friend and turned off the gas, and so they pommeled each other in u harmless wuy for a time. Wo have given oil il lustration of tho warlike pa-nion. As an offset we could give many illustra trations flf the gentler passion, love, for the blind are eminent disciples of Cupid and Hymen. Asa rule a respectable blind man has no difficulty in getting a seeing wife, and very often with good looks to boot. And whi n wo consider Mac; dcllt'-m j uf kuutAl ill lilt) -Ll of the blind, tho latter is not to bo wondered at. Blind men, however, do not always marry wives who see. We know of many instances in which both husband and wife are blind, and have managed to rear families without the occurrence of any serious mishap either to themselves or the children. Anil tho cases are rare in which tho latter are de fective in sight. Only lately the marriage took plain of a blind couple somewhat advanced in years, she being his second wife, and lie her third blind husband. Tho marriage Was not wanting in tho elements of romance, for in their young days they had courted, and parted, blind iu a double sense. Wo will conclude with a courtship, but in this case will not vouch for its truth. A blind iiiun on several occasions mot a widow, who was not, however, like himself, blind, anil latterly oonei’ided that she would make him a good wite. Ho resolved that ho would “pop the question” without loss of time. Accordingly, one evening found himoin the widow's house for that pur pose, when his suit was entirely success ful. But so elated was he with his suc cess that, on leaving Iter door, ho forgot bo was up a flight of stairs. Tho stair case window being very low, and liap lieuing to be open, ho felt the air on his icateil brow, and at once stopped out without thinking where he was, and so fell into the court below. Tho widow, hearing tho noise, rail down, greatly alarmed, but was fully reassured Unit no bones were broken by' his remark: "Maggie, ye hue a big step to your door I”— Chambers’ Journal. A Conundrum Explained, “How do yon come to auk six dollar* for this load of firewood, when John Hinitli your neighbor, offers the name kind of wood for four dollars?’’ was tho question Gilhooly asked of the man in charge of a load of fuel m Austin. “ Well, you see I am going to bo in dicted for stealing this wood, and I will have to pay a lawyer to prove my inno cence. That's whv I linvo to charge two dollars a loud extra.” “ Doesn't John Smith steal his wood, too ?” “Certainly lie does, lb' cuts it off we same tract et Inin! where I got this." “ Well, doesn’t ho have to hire a law yer, too, to prove his innocence.” “Of course not. Ho is novor indicted by the Grand Jury." “ Why don’t tho Grand Jury indict him ?” “ Hecnnse he’s always appointed fore man. He has got more influence than I have.’’ —Texas Siflinys. A lfenmrkable Hen, Joe Grimes, a well-known citizen of Hardin County, near Stepbenshurg, told a (btnmercial reporter that he had ou Ins place a common dunghill lieu, which was twelve years old, and that she had laid an egg every day except about two months of each year since her first, and that during those two months she had raised an average of twent y-five chickens per annum. Hbe sings as cheerfully now, and cackles as loudly at her work as she did eleven years ago when she first be gan the discharge of her important du ties. At this rate, his bon in eleven years must have laid 8,35f) eggs, which, at 15 cents per dozen, would have_ brought $89.45 ; and would have raised" 275 chicks, which at s.l per dozen, would have brought $68.75, makiug a total of $108.20, from which take $2 per annum for keep, or say $24 and tnere ia left a clear profit of $84,20. Who can beat this? —Louisville Commercial. Entertaining Company. I pray you, oh excellent wife, not to oumbvu yourself and uie to get a rich dume! lor Una man or this woman who has alighted at our gat.*, nor a bed . humbel made ready at too great a Boat. These things, if they ire curi ous in, they can get for a dolhu at the ■railage But let tins stranger see if he will, m your looks, in your accent and behavior, your heart and earnestness, your thought and will, what he cau not buy at any price, ut any village or city, anil which ho may well travel fifty miles, and dine sparingly, and sleep hard, in order to behold. Cer- Uniiy let the board be spread and the oed lie dressed for Uie traveler, but let not the emphasis of hospitality be in these things. Honor to the house where they are simple to the verge of Hardship, so that tn ■ intellect is awake md sees the laws of the universe, the soul worship trutn and love, honor in 1 c in tesy How in tv* all deeds. — H. HI JJmcrsvn. Aversions of Appetite. l)r. Oswald calls attention, ia the Cupular Science Monthly, to the fact that an antipathy to a special dish indi cates the presence of a constitutional re pugnance, which it is not wise to disre gard. He says ; 1 knew a Belgian soldier on whom common salt, in any combination, and in any dose exceeding ten penny weights, acted as a drastic poison, and thousands of Hindoos cannot taste animal food without vomiting. Similar effects liuve obliged individu als to abstain fre~ onions, sage, parsnips and even from Irish potatoes. Dr. Pereira mentions the ease of an English boy who had an incurable aversion to mutton: “ He could not oat mutton in any form. The peculiarity was supposed to lie awing to caprice, but the mutton was re peatedly disguised and given to him un known ; but uniformly with the same result of producing violent vomiting wad diarrhea. “ And from the severity of the effects, w hich were in fact those of a virulent poison, there can bo little doubt that, if die ii e of mutton had been persisted in, it would soon have destroyed the boy’s life.” We know a lady whose missionary work in Burmah has attracted the atten tion of English-speaking people, who ■ould not eat rice. Once when she was visiting in England, her hostess, think ing the aversion a more whim, put a table-spoonful of rice in tho soup Though the soup was strained before lining served, anil not a grain of rice was to be seen in it, yet the moment the lady (listed it she exclaimed, " Oh, there’s rice in this soup 1” and wus obliged to leave tho table. Josh Bntlngfl. The famed writer of the Yankee prov erbs is now alsmt silty in years, and shows it. His hair, which is as long and unkempt os ever, is iron gray, and his stiff, drooping mustache is fast changing to tho color of old age. As ho grows older, ho seems to liecome more and more supremely regardless of persons, surroundings or opinions. As he greets one with a machine-like "How do ye do,” or an inanimate "Good day," the impression is conveyed that he has ar rived at the state of life and prosperity where lie deems fate powerless to work any alteration for worse. Billings is es sentially a mau to himself, taciturn and unobtrusive everywhere. He is not so popular as formerly, his only work now being that which appears in the New torn weetuy. Fortins service he re ceives, perhaps, $3,000 a year. His royalty from tho circulation of "Prov erbs, his almanacs and other works swell his yearly income to about SS,(KX). lie is now a willing, but uot an attractive lecturer; his services in this field are small and waning demaud. From the proceods of hig labor he has amassed a fortune of over $50,000. All tikis money apparently affords himself and wife but meager and inelegant comfort. They pass a quiet, relegated, but doubtless contented life, in an unpretentious Sixty-third street dwelling-house, the garret of which is made to answer the combined purposes of literary sanctum and store-house. —From a New York Letter. Trying to Beat an Honest Toll-Keeper. “ When I went from Canon to Bodie, Col., on horseback,” said Major Mux, “the road was uot very good, the toll houses on either side were numerous, and when I had traveled a few miles I know my money would soon give out, us each tollman assessed mo from $1 to $6. I resolved to retrench. The next tollman, who came out on a pair of stilts, yelled out: ‘ Foot or horseback ?’ ‘ Font,’ says I, although I kucw my horse was still under me, for I could see his ears stick up above the mud once in a while. Well, in that way I escaped payment for a long time, telling the toll men, whether they asked me or not, that 1 was traveling afoot. Everything went smoothly uutil at a toll-house where a big, burly rasoal came out on stilts and carrying a shot-gun. Just as I had as sured him I was afoot the mustang I rode stretched his whole head out of the mud fur a breath of air. I never felt so mortified in my life, but I could not hliimo the horse, for it hadn’t taken a breath for forty miles. The mau leveled his gun at me and remarked : ‘ Yera nice party to try and beat an honest toll keeper out of $lO. How d’ye expect we’re goin’ to keep this road in order if we don't get paid for it ?' ’’ The Magnetic Needle. A condensed explanation in regard tc the needle pointing to the northward and southward is as follows : The magnetic poles of tlie earth do not coincide with the geographical polos. The axis ol rotation mokes an angle of about 230 with a line joining the former. The northern magnetic pole is fit present near the Arctic circle, on the meridian ol Omaha. Hence tlie needle does not everywhere point to the astronomical north, and is constantly variable within certain limits. At San Francisco it IHiinta about seventeen degrees tc the east of north, and at Calais, Me, ns much to the west. At the northern magnetic pole, a balanced needle points with its north end downward in a plumb lino. At San Francisco it dips about sixty-throe degrees, and at tiie southern magnetic pole the south end points directly down. The attraction of tin earth upon ti magnetic needle at its sur face is of about the same form as that ot s hard steel magnet, lortv inches long, strongly magnetized, at a distance of oik foot. The foregoing is the accepted ex planatiou of the fact that tlie nee.’li points to tlie uorihward and southward. Of course, no ultimate reason can lie given for this < atural fact, any mure than for any other observed fact in nature " Taking Advantage of Nature. Au ingenious application of ez(>ansiou and contraction iu metals whs made use of in France, aud has frequently lmen taken advantage of since. The walls of ii large building in Paris were oliserved to Is - giving way by bulging outward, and the problem was to bring them buck to tlieir vertical position. For this pur jiose a number of liars of iron having crews and nuts on each end were let hrough tlu opposite - walls and across lim intervening sjiaoe between them. he nuta and screwed portion of the bars were outside. Tlie bar* were now heated by a nnmlier of lamp* susp<*n led Inflow them until they had expanded as much us possible, and tlie uuts screwed up against the outsides of the two oppo site walls. The lamps wens next re moved, when the heated bars, in cool ing, gradually contracted in length, bringing the wnlls very gently, hut with irri -istilile force, into tlieir normal posi tion.-—Scientific American. BiDMßsm dfegiMo* the King of Sweden. "At supper, 1 * say* ins* Knight, "his Majesty was seen to scratch iiis head with his fork, and also with his knife and afterwords go on eating with them.” But filers ia this to sav: Areal blue-blooded King would never rake hi# head with his forefinger, and a uin*-carat diamond. WEDDING ETIQUETTE. UfwMllM Which > SlnibluK Maldta ■mlicS rran ih* AtkeUe Kdllor. ICbicaf° Tribune. ] “ Excuse me, gentlemen,” said th Sou ug lady, “ but which one of you is le society editor ?” “ We don’t keep one on this paper, miss,” said tho horse critic, "but the whols gang take a crack at that style of journalistic labor once in a while. Is there anything we can do for you I” “ I was going to ask,” said the girl, “ if it would be too much trouble for you to gives me some hints as to the proper way to receive and dispose of guests at a wedding, how the supper shall lie served, and so forth. ” “ You want to know what is en rigyle and recherchy os the French say,” re marked the horse man. “We can give you the correct pointer. Are you the blnshing bride ?” “ Yes, sir," said the girl, in a rather weak voice; “that is —” "Oh, I understand,” said the horse editor, " I appreciate your feelings. I was once young and bashful myself. Now about this wedding. The receiving part is easy. After the nuptial ceremony is concluded, you and Mike—” "But his name isn’t Mike,”, said the young lady. “ His name is—” “On, I know all about that," said tho equine journalist. "Of course his name is Adalbert or Reginald, or some other dry goods clerk nonsense, but in giving advice we always allude to the sucker as Mike, and call the bride Hannah. It saves time. Now, after you aud Mike are married, you want to jog along home and plant yourselves at the back end of tho parlor. Better have a floral bell or something like that to stund under, be cause it is considered the best thing, and makes a better toot ensemble as the French say. Then tho guests they get in line and go by you on a slow march— a kind of ‘we huned him sadly by dead of night’ clip, and you shake hands with each other and say : ‘Thunks, awfully;’ and they look at you and Mike as if you were a pair of prize cattle aud feel sorry for you.” “And the supper,” said the young lady. "Oh, yes, the supper. Well, at some weddings they leeil in tho dining-room, and at others each guest sits on a chair and has his lunch brought to him. Now, I always advise the use of chopped feed at weddings—bring on the ham sand wiches and the ice crei m at the same time. They can’t eat the sandwiches first, yon know, because if they do tho cream will melt, and if they throw in the cream to start with, the sandwiches like Banquo’s gliorft—they will not down;” and the home reporter winked vigorously at tho dramatic critic, in order to attract the attention of that person to hii able joke. But tbe critic, was trying to smoke a cigar that, the advance agent of the whale had given him, and did not look. “Of course," continued tho biographer of Goldsmith Maid, “ it would be 1 Hitter if you could give each guest u box stall and throw the feed in early in the even ing, but this is not always practicable, so youliad better keep on the old racket, ” "I am sure I am very thankful, sir, for the interest you Lave taken in this matter,” said the girl, “nnd I shall fol low your advice. Which is tho way down stairs, please ?” "There are two ways,” replied the horse reporter. “You can jump down tho hatchway or take the stairs. Our elevator never runs.” How Old Growler Fixed the Inspector. At ono of the most isolated post* in Oregon, situated several hundred miles distant from the settlements, but in point of accessibility further away than China, the commanding officer was a cavalry officer who enjoyed the sobri quet of “ Old Growler.” The only ser vant that was ever persuaded to go to this post was a nurse, who hud become attached to an officer’s family anil, fol lowed their fortunes into the mountains. Her reoeption soon rivaled those of the post-trailer, nnd before slio had been there two weeks, every soldier in tbe garrison had proposed, and she finally announced to her mistress that she was married. “Growler” Bail uo servni.* but au old soldier, who was so broken down that lie was not of much uso for anything else, took caro of tho dotails of his hut. One day the inspector of the department came, and, as was the cus tom, stopped with tho commanding of ficer. The inspector happened to bo one of those gentlemen who trouble them selves about little things at the ex]>ense of matters of graver import He could tell whether the pickles at a post com missary were good or bad, while a con tractor might steal thousands of dollars under his very nose aud escape detec tion. This observing gentleman noticed that the man who took, care of the hut, cooked and served the commandant's meals, was a soldier. So he took occa sion to say that unless that soldier was present next day with hi* company at inspection he should lie compelled to report the aforesaid commanding officer. Growler smoked his pipe, ruminated aud said nothing. The next morning when the inspector arose he found his host still smoking and ruminating. They chatted on various subjects for half an hour or so ; then an hour passed by ; the hour for iusjieetiou was rapidly approaohing, when the inspector re turned to inquire what time his host usually breakfasted, “ I beg your par don," said Growler, “l have hail my breakfast so long ago that I quite forgot about you. Just go through there into the kitchen and you will find a coffee pot and some coffee iu the pantry. I made my own coffee this morning. Just help yourself. If you want to black your boots for iusi>ectiou, you will find the blacking and a brush under the luanch on the right-hand side—just help yourself— Dennis has goue back to Iris company." New Cooking Utensil. The ordinary range aud cook-stove in which tlie fire box is placed at the side of tlie oven, or iu which the proceeds of combustion pass over tlie top, have the disadvantage of an irregularly heat ed oven. The sides and top are hotter than tho bottom and ends or other side, and as a rosult the bread or other food is improperly cooked—perhaps burned at.top while badly done at the bottom. To correct this defect in ovens a simple Mipliance has been devised for causing the air in the oven to circulate, and thus carry the heat obtained by radiation to all parts of the oven. A shoot of metal, bent into the form of the top and oue aide of the oven, is supported on wire standards and placed in the oven. In the narrow space l>etween the e.ieet metal and the hot side and top of the oven tbe air is heated more t han in the main body of the oven. And by expan sion it rises and moves over the top of the oven toward the oooler walls. The arrangement, simple as it is, appears to ba founded on a good idea, and is re ported to work well in practice. The apparatus examined was portable, and is aomgned to be put in the oven by the cook whenever an even heat is needed,— Century Maaaeine. Indiscretions of the Gossips. Some odious cynic recommended a wife and mother-in-law as the best me diums for making known the things that all the world is interested iu knowing. Of course no man worthy the name will subscribe altogether to such a brutality as this. There have often been known mothers-in-law who didn’t keep the latch key nor count the wine bottles. There are known to be wives who do not in voke "mamma" when the little aggrava tions that are bound to mar the smooth est matrimonial excursions intervene be tween tho kisses of breakfast and the pouting of midnight. But, all this be ing admitted, why is it that a publio place is chosen by preference for the un raveling of household knots or the toss ing about of the ball of scandal? Why is it that when she gets her marabout feather, sealskin cloak and soven-button kids on the joy of the house carries the pent-up treasures of the home on the end of her tongue to shrill out to an audience of strangers in the parquette, balcony or dread circle ? During the last Empire, as well as the first, a favorite trick of the head of the police was the creation of public senti ment by an Ingenious process, of which public gossip was the main point. Wherever crowds came together some in tensely respectable member of society would let fall a remark criticising sharply the government or its measures. To this open challenge a comrade, also plethoric in all the outward signs of gentility, would make an equal pointed declaration of his admiration for the libeled officials. The conversation would, of course, assume the wonted French vivacity and airy phantasy of il lustration that makes even the most ordinary talk of the Gallic person as good as a play. Of course in the end the imperial champion was sure to get tho better of his artrabilious adversary, and tho listeners were of course impressed by all they had heard from the well-in formed intellectual athletes. In the ma jority of encounters the pebble of con versation thrown into the pool set con tinually growing circles in motion, so that the whole company were soon push ing on the propaganda, other agents be ing conveniently stationed to give it the pi opei' piquancy of personality and risi ble scandal. The neat nr.afc original Barnum will find it for his gain to seize this hint. Who that has ever been in a theater or crowd lias not marked tho proneness of women to take the world into tlieir con fidence? Conversation containing inti mate details of domestic history is bowled out trippingly on the tongue, the diseoursivo gossip casting glances ou all sides to see if there is an' attentive circle taking in her enlivening confidences. Who that has sat behind personages af flicted with this craze at a public per formance that has not longed for the ancient Persian custom that forbade women opening tlieir mouths in the presence of strangers? But the women are not tho worst in these publio indis cretions. The artless youth of tho period has his confidences to ruuke in public and these at the awkward moment when an elderly neighbor fatigued with the inanities of actual life seeks surcease in the mimic humors of the scene. At such a moment it really does not interest him to know down to tho utmost detail the lurid amours of the callow youths who seek in the theater an audience for their infinitesimal legs and indescribable body gear generally, rather tliau the wit anil wisdom of the play. It is true that dur ing intermissions persons who have uot seen each other for some time have the social rights of the drawing-room; but during such Intervals every one is sup posed to be bent on entertaining his or her neighbor, and the general buzz is supposed to cover any ordinary tone of voice, unless groups of lovers or moth ers-in-law protecting their darlings from “brutes” of husbands - . — Philadelphia Times. Lively Time on the Railroad. Some people seem horn with a faculty of raising the ancient masculine juvenile. They get folks who are minding their own business and merely want peace and quiet, into all sorts of scrapes. The fac ulty is peculiarly developed iu the com mercial tourist isually referred to us a drummer. He's the man who makes love to all the petty servant girls ill the hotels and gets their notions so high that they won’t notice the porters, and it makes the latteiwantto "slug” the drum mers. Oie of this class of gentlemen was at au up-com try railway Btationjind discovered, while waiting for a train, a wasp’s nest. An idea at once struck him. How he liehieved the feat without getting hurt wo don’t know. Probably the wasps were dormant with cold. But at any rate, he gut that nest down and tied it to the tail of a large yellow dog that was fooling round tho depot The dog started to rim and that so stirred up the wasps that they sent a courier out to investigate, and as he did so in a manner so disagreeatile to the dog that he only rau the harder and made three wild cir cuits of the depot. The train mean while came in, and as trains don’t stop at country stations, it was just starting as tho dog canio round the third tune. Wild with pain, the dog leaped aboard the train and plunged into a crowded ear, just as the brakemttu shut tlie door. Tho poor brute got beneath a seat and tried to curl up. The ear was hot and it wound up the wasps aud they came out and iu about half a miuute the men iu that seat jumped up so hard they nearly stove holes in the roof, and the way they clawed at their legs was a cau tion. Everybody looked. Then others became interested. And the dog started on the ruu through the cal - . Tlie wasps went, for him and everybody in the car. A wild scene took place. Men cursed aud clawed wildly. Women got up on the seats and danced—and the dog, which everybody thought to be mad, tore up and down tho aisle, howling. The conductor came in, thinking the people insane. He promptly joined the show. As tlie train was riving, folks couldn't jumb off. No mad-house ever saw such a scene. There was profanily enongh to sink a ship, and ttie brakemau gazing in at tho door said it beat any thing he ever saw in a variety show. Fin ally the conductor stopped the train, folks got out, and the ear was cleared of wasps aud dog. But the passengers didn’t get over it. They were an awful mad set, and occasionally after they got started again a man would find a stray wasp in his trousers and rise and yell. They talked of suing the railroad, and if they could have got that drummer his iloath would have been frightful. But he had gone ou a train the other w av. Boston Post. A Dime-Novel Her*. The dime-novel readers would rejoice in Buckshot Bill, of Nevada. He speaks twenty-live Indian tongue*. Once he saw eleven comrades burned alive by the Comanekes, signed with his blood a vow to have the scalps of eleven Indians who killed his brother and stole his dia mond pin, aud has on exhibition 117 scalps taken by his own 1 anus, lie is a •oout after the boy's own heart. The Maid of Xooslc, An esteemed contemporary at Scran ton narrates with something of the unseemly hiliaritv of the hated Sassen ach, the story of a young man and a family of young maids, which, under the genial touch of the author of "Adam Bede” or Tennyson, would have been turned into a “ Mill ou the Floss or “Enoch Arden.” Our esteemed contemporary speaks of the four fair maids of Moosic as “bright and buxom,” destroying at once the poetical conception which the mind distinctly seizes when love and the sexes are in propinquity. Though all the world loves a lover, all the world is not gifted with the subtle expression of love’s moods and tenses, as the nar rative in question proves. The rarest and fairest of the Moosic maids, whom, as it is fitting, shall be called Juliet, was in the fullness of time made, as Shelley says of the sensitive plant, to feel love s sweet want by an assiduous and ioru Capulet of the neighborhood, to whom she pledged her virgin vows. The stem necessities of life, as is often the case even in Arcadia, wrenched Romeo from the vicinage of his adored one. He went westward to grow—rieli and feather a nest for his bird. There is, it must be owned, nothing out of the ordinary in this. But the finale shows that there really was, for instead' of fortune the exultant Romeo found only the ragged edge of expectation upon which to nourish his dreams of the dis tant Juliet. The tides of years ebbed and flowed, and two had passed the golden chord between the two hearts re sponding faithfully to their delirious vows. But as the sweetest lips must learn to frown the fondest faith grows dim by absence. Juliet, meditating in Moosic, doubtless saw in her mind’s eye the idle of her soul spooning upon some Hoosier heiress as he paced the parental prairies corraling the coyotes or tether ing the herds. It was in this frame of mind that the maid’s father set up tho siren song that lulled Ulysses and his companions into tarrying with the lotus-eaters. When the rolling years had dimmed the figure of the distant Romeo, another suitor, under parental stimulus, took up the tender tale. The maid repulsed him at first, but it is so much easier to love than to wait; so much more joyous to dunce with the partner at hand than wait for the one on the list; so much more real, iu short, to lean on the strong arm and look into the amorous eyes of the fellow at hand than feed the heart on hope aud the soul on the borrow idealities of promise, that this incon stant maid took kindly to the new coat sleeve and murmured yes with the same throbbing joy and sank upon his bosom with the same maiden emotions that marked her betrothal to the absent Romeo. The guests were met, tlie feast set for the ceremony which should make the maid the wife of another, when Romeo, to whom some little bird of the air had twittered sacrifice that parental impa tience was about to exact, appeared to the fickle one. Tlie local historian does not seem to have witnessed this pictur esque encounter, and hence we have none of those dramatic pleadings which in tlie crises of our fates sometimes bring about the greatest results. Is it neces sary to tell any lover who has ever loved what the result was ? It was the old story over again. It’s well to be off with the oid love before we are on with the new. Juliet’s heart was true to the heart that had first made her bosom to flutter, and the end was that the two fled to a neighboring dominie and were made one, The precipitancy left a painful denouement for the other fellow, but— and here remarks the beauty of the Moosic mind—the second Romeo, more melancholy than mad, made his plaint to papa, when that sagacious man, pointing to the Moosic maidens, ranged like peonies on a stem, invited the discom fited lover to take his choice,, and—ho did_ Wow, there are various reflections that follow picturesque incidents of this sort ns sap follows the chip, but the discrim inating reader will see the obvious moral of this true and touching redemption of love at the very altar steps.—Philadel phia Times. Italics and Punctuation. Reader! when you write an article or any periodical, or a letter to a friend, never use italics except in some very unusual emergency, for their employ ment implies that the sentence has been badly constructed and needs artificial emphasis before its meaning can be un derstood. A clause in italics always bears testimony to the writer’s elumsi ness. So of general punctuation Punctuate as little as possilile. . Punct nation marks can usually be dispensed with if the reader be not too ignorant or too indolent to construct rightly in the first place the sentence in which they are employed. If the adverbial clauses of a sentence be properly dis tributed in relation to the chief state ments of which they are modifications the parenthesis becomes a crooked folly and the comma a trifling superfluity. Of course some punctuation marks are needed: tho period, to indicate tlie end of a sentence ; tho semicolon, to indi cate where a sentence came very near ending and didn’t; perhaps the excla mation point to tell the reader wnere to be astonished, though if he feels so dis posed he may possibly learn to be shocked on his own hook ; the interro gation point; now and then even a comma to prove the imperfection of language at tlie point of a mere human pen. But every comma is an apology offered by the writer to the reader. The parenthesis is never to be used ; at most not more than once a week by a constant writer. The dash or comma is an effective substitute. Finally, let it be borne iu mind that much punctua tion is the infallible sign of poor writing. —American Queen. Ho (lave Up His Teeth. The richest man Virginia ever pro duced was Samuel Miller. His wealth, as popularly calculated, amounted to about $3,000,000. When his State was invaded, during the war, Mr. Miller himself, though a Union man, had a visit from a roving band. “ His stocks, bonds, letters and account books.” says a correspondent of the Philadelphia Press, “ were thrown around with a lavish bond, and hundreds of thousands of securities taken away. Fortunately for him, the ravagers did not know the full value of these papers; but one of them did leoognizethe glimmer of old gold in the artificial teeth of the Virginian. ‘ Get out them teeth,’ casually remarked the warrior, with a bayonet handy to back the appeal. And Mr. Miller, like a prudent man. got out his teeth, and fared cn soft diet for some time to come.” A Fwenph doctor says he has cures! rheumatic patients by making them so mad that the excitement would start a profuse perspiration. The Moorish Rule in Spain. On the north of Africa settled the lurid form of the Arabian crescent, ono horn reaching to the Bosphorus and one pointing to the Pyrenees. ‘.Scarcely had the Arabs become firmly settled in Spain before they commenced a brilliant ca reer. Cordova, under their administra tion, at its highest point of prosperity, boasted of more than 200,000 houses, and more than 1,000, 000 pi inhabitants. After sunset, a man might walk through it in a straight line "for ten miles by the light of the public lumps. Seven hun dred years after this time there was not so much as one public lamp in London. , Its streets were solidly paved. In Pans, i centuries subsequently, whoever stepped I over his threshold on a rainy day I stepped up to his ankles in mud. The Spanish Mohammedans had brought with them all the luxuries and prodigalities of Asia. Their residences stood forth against the clear blue sky, or were em bosomed in Woods.- They had polished 1 marble balconies ; overhanging orange i gardens ; courts with cascades of water, ; shady retreats provocative of slumber in ! the heat of the day ; retiring rooms, , vaulted with stained glass, speckled with gold, over which streams of water were made to gush. The floors and walls were of exquisite mosaic. Here, a foun tain of quicksilver shot up in a glisten ing spray, the glittering particles falling with a "tranquil sound like fairy bells; there, apartments into which cool air was drawn from flower gardens, in sum mer by means of ventilating towers, and in the winter through earthen pipes, or caleducts, imbedded iu tue walls—the hypocaust, in the vaults below, breath ing forth volumes of warm and perfumed ail - through these hidden passages. The walls were not covered with wainscot, but adorned with arabesques, and paint ings of agricultural scenes and views of paradise. From the ceilings, corniced with fretted gold, great chandeliers hung, one of which, it is said, contained 1,084 lamps. Clusters of frail marble columns surprised the beholder with tlie vast weights they bore. In the boudoirs of the sulianas they were sometimes of verd antique, and incrusted with ladis lazuli. I The furniture was of sandal and citron j wood, inlaid with mother of pearl, ivory, silver, or relieved with gold and precious I malachite. In orderly confusion were 1 arranged vases of rock crystal, Chinese porcelains, and tables of exquisite mo saic. The winter apartments were hung j with rich tapestry ; the floors wflfe cov ered with embroidered Persian carpets. Pillows nnd couches, of elegant forms, were scattered about the rexuns, wliich were perfumed with frankincense. There were whispering galleries for the amuse ment of the women ; labyrinths and mar- I pie play courts for the children ; for the i master himself, grand libraries. The i Khulif Alliakem’s was so large that tho - catalogue alone filled forty volumes. Ha 1 had also apartments for the transcribing, I binding, and ornamenting of books. | Across the Pyrenees, literary, philosoph i ical, and adventurers were perpetually passing, and thus the luxury, the taste, and above all, the chivalrous gallantry and elegant courtesies of Moorish society found their way from Granada and Cor dova to Provence and Languedoc. The refined society of Cordova prided itself on its politeness. A gay contagion also spread from the beautiful Moorish mis creants to their sisters beyond the mountains. The South oi France was full of the witcheries of female fascina tions, and of dancing to the flute and mandolin. Even in Italy and Sicily the love-song became the favorite composi tion; and out of these genial but not orthodox beginnings the polite literature of modem Europe arose. — Draper's “ll tellectual Development. ” Every Man “His Own Doctor.” Many a man who, if his horse ’or cow is sick, sends at once for the veterinary practitioner for ailments of his own tLmt are on the face of them quite as serious and as much in need of professional treatment. He will take the advice of an ignorant neighbor as to what is “good for” an ill ness, when he would laugh at the idea oi going to the same person for counsel in any other business or concern whatever. In the days of our grandmothers, when the household materia medica consisted of “roots and yarbs,” with a few simple drugs like epsom salts, this domestic or “lay” prescribing was less dangerous than in these latter day's when concern trated and powerful agents have become so common and familiar. The household remedies of the olden time were rarely liable to do much harm, even if they did no good. The cure waE generally in reality left to nature, though the “roots and yarbs” got the credit of it. But most of the drugs of our day are not of this inert or negative charac ter, and the danger in their use by the ignorant is a real and serious danger. The most powerful medicines that un professional people of a former genera tion ventured to fool with bore about the same relation to those in vogue that gun power does the nitro-glycerine; yet the latter are used even more recklessly than the former ever were. A little knowl edge is not always a dangerous thing, but when it leads a man to think that he can “doctor” himself, in ailments of any serious nature, the old aud often-abused proverb is indisputably true.— Journal of Chemistry. When Women are Most Attractive. In an interesting paper entitled “When Women Grow Old,” Mrs. Blake has brought facts to show that the fascinat ing power of the sex is oftentimes re tained much longer than is generally as sumed. She tells us of Aspasia, who between the ages of thirty and fifty, was the strongest intellectual force iu Athens; of Cleopatra, whose golden decade for power and beauty was between thirty and forty; Livia, who was not far from thirty when she gained the heart of Oc tavius ; of Anne, of Russia, who, at thirty-eight, was thought to be the most beautiful Qneen in Europe; of Cathar ine 11., of Russia, who, even at the silver decade, was both beautiful and im posing ; of Madamoiselle Mars, the act ress, whose beauty increased with years, and culminated between thirty and forty five ; of Madame Reecamier, who, be tween twenty-five and forty, and even later, was the reigning beauty in Eu rope ; of Ninou d’Enclos, whose own son—brought up without knowledge of his parentage—fell passionately in love with her when she was at the age of thirty-seven, and who even at her six tieth birthday received an adorer young enough to be her grandson. These facts, the representatives of many others, establish that the golden decade of fascination is the same as tbe golden decade of thought ; that woman is most attractive to and most influential over men aud woman are nearest tbe maximum of their cerebral force. The voice of oiir great prima donnas is at its best between twenty-seven and thirty five ; but still retain, in a degree, its strength and sweetness even in the silver decade. The voice is an iudrx if the body in all its functions, but tlie il cay of other functions is not so readily noted. FACTS FOR THE CURIOUS. One grain of silver will make a wire 400 feet long. There are 20,000 seeds of oats in a pound, and 636,400 seeds of white clover. Great Britain has 39,750,000 cotton spindles, the United States about 12. 000,000. In perceiving the tints of scarlet, our eyes are affected by undulations recur ring 482,000,000 times a second. The zoospores (microscopic animals) swarm about in the moisture on the sur. face of a leaf or stem. Film though it may be, it is an ocean to such fish. The amount of work a man can do iu a day has been estimated to lie equal to a force which, if properly applied, would raise the weight of his own body one mile. A single heteromita (monad) gives rise to 1,000 like itself in an hour, about 1,000,000 in two hours, and to a number greater than the generally-assumed number of human beings now living in the world in three hours. It is a peculiarity of the ostrich that father and mother take it in turn to sit ou tlie eggs, and when the ostrich takes his female companions out for their evening promenade in the desert, one of them always remains liy the nest. The various tribes of ants go to war with each other, plunder each other systematically and have altogether a great deal of excitement in their way. Some tribes of ants keep cows, and others slaves ; others have blind beetles resident with them—blind bards, per haps, to sing to them. Oe the 1,000,000,000 acres of cultivable land in the United States, only eleven and a half per centum are used. The 2,586,4G8,320 bushels of wheat, corn, oats, barley, rye, buckwheat and pota toes raised last year were produced on '105,083,605 acres, and tho cultivation is in most cases careless. The statistics of water surface—lakes, ponds, bays and rivers—in the several States and Territories present the ex treme aridity of New Mexico and Ari zona, with only 120 and 100 square miles of water, respectively, and the marked contrary characteristics of Florida, with 4,440; Minnesota, 4,160; North Carolina, 3,670; Texas, 3,490; Louisiana, 3,200, and Maine, 3,145 miles of river, lake and inlet area. The total water surfaee of the country is given at 55,600 square miles, and the gross area, land and wa ter, 3,025,600 square miles, inhabited by 16 pereorw ami n. fraction to each mile. Nve county, Nevada, is the largest county in the United States, covering 24,000 square miles. San Bernardino, California, w'ith 23,000 square miles, is the next largest. California has four other counties, each of them as large as Massachusetts, three that- are each larger than Connecticut, and fifteen tliiA are each inrger than Delaware. Sioux comity, Nebraska, contains 21,070 square miles. Oregon, also, has several largo counties—Grant, Umatilla and Lake containing respectively 17,500, 14,260and 12,OOOsquaremiles. Presidio, with 12,500 miles, is the largest county in Texas. The smallest county in the United States is New York, State of New York, and it has the largest population. The largest of the Territories is Dakota, with 147,600 square miles, and the largest county in any of the Territories is Custer county, Montana, with 86,500 square miles. New Foot-Ball Rules. In view of the fact that the leading foot-ball teams of this country are get ting the science of the game down to such a fine point that no one desires to see them play, the Acta, after mature deliberation and at great expense, has framed the following rules, which it is hoped tho Inter-collegiate Foot-ball As sociation will adopt: The ground must be 330 feet in length and 100 feet in width. For aboslute safety the players should be placed at least a mile apart. The riot shall last an hour and a half, with intervals at every half hour, of ten minutes each, for chinks. At the end of the game if any of the players shall be uninjured, innings of fifteen minutes each shall be played until he is killed or entirely disabled. A match shall be decided by the num ber of hones broken. One dead man shall couut according to his bones. Two teeth knocked out shall count as one bone, and shall count for the side not owning the teeth. The referee shall promptly disqualify men with false teeth. If one of your opponents has posses sion of the ball, knock him down and take the ball away from him. This shall be decided a safety knock down. Fonr safety knock downs shall be equivalent to one funeral, or dead man, which will count as one goal. Tripping up shall not be allowed in this game. It is not a sufficiently pain ful w ay of upsetting a man. A drop kick is made by kicking one of your opponents after he has dropped. The captains of the respected sides shall wrestle before the commencement of the match. The winner shall have the option of kicking, or being kicked. The former, by experts, is considered prefer able. A funeral may be obtained by any kind of a kick; to avoid unpleasant complica tion it is better for the kicker to be larger than the kicked. When a funeral shall have been ob tained, the side which owns the corpse shall set up the bier. A fair catch is a catch direct from a kick, or a knock by one of the opposite side only, provided the catcher has a mark of *the heel on tho spot where he has been caught. The ball is dead when the player car rying it shall be knooked down. In some instances the rule may apply to the player. A playermay get up an bawl whenever he has been rolled on or pounded in a scrimmage. It is lawful for any one who bawls to run away, and if he does so, it is called a rim. A tackle is where a holder of the ball is jumped on by the whole of the oppo sition team. A maul in goal is when the holder of the ball is tackled inside the goal line, or is being tackled immediately outside, i stopped on and dragged through the mud and spun on his head until he or the opposition succeed iu touching the ball down. A man who is “on-side” con not be “offside." The same rule applies to the off -uns. A man to be off-side must be on the side that is off. A safety touch-down shall consist in laying the other fellow out, in order to keep yourself in good condition. The Ada thinks that, in case these rules are adopted in the coining year, foot-ball will attaiu a success heretofore unpreccdeatfiiL WrrH the head of a man it so happen* that when egotism ia in, honesty is out.