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IV. E. HARP, Fublislier. V’OI.CME I. NEWS GLEANINGS. has 1,738 Indians. cabbage crop of Mobile county, Mm. sold fo* atrji W ‘ VfreltM rffrijct - zi per cent of nails in the United States, re arc 282 females and 184 males Mississippi lunatic asylum. C. Hamilton, of Dalton, Ga., has stone-fey wllifllf he lias re ■Mkty-five thousand dollars was sub- Hftd in one day in Tuscaloosa, Ala., for an ice factory. A turp.gntine.farm near Hawkinsviile, Ga., is caimposcjd.ei£ 800 nacres, and will be increased to 1,600. Hon. John M. Bookwalter, late demo cratic candidate for Governor of Ohio, baa purchased the old Atlanta Scofield rolling mill. Ninety-one thousand eight hundred dentity-six pounds of manufactured was shipped in bond from Pe- HHbg, Va., last week to foreign ports, WBkv the sale of whisky has been |Bi! at Augusta, Ark., the people ■Ho use for a city marshal, and are plating the question of abolish' ing A office. An East Tennessee lunatic named HHfa: imagined that he was directed to oiler up his wife as a sacrifice tnd a lade several attempts to murder ter before he was confined. Pierce of Memphis charges the HHBury to indict the "men who run shops.” He declares that HHtculating in future delivery cotton |Ht<m is gambling simon pure. killed,recrnfly on the Florida. fßEucsured sovei'.ti£en feet ten and a flinches loSg. Eleven silver Mexi tjwlurs, one Spanish doubloon, ggld, id a lot of brass buttons, were found M. Duval, of Prescott, Ark., de- H a colored man’s eye while snipe last -week. The gentleman paid ■Byton’s bill, gave the victim a sum HKo'y. and deeded jhitu forty acres goqd farming land, ■ • gold vein, near Gaines -BHGa., shows six feet of superior ■quartz between shining agalite ■ into mica slate. One specimen H from the surface shews a clear stal of oxide of tig. B giant Charles Drummond, a col- in Onaneoek county,, Ya-, jH- nineteenth summer. He meas Hk feet eight inches in height, his sixteen inches long, and his has Veen sweet ■Bmah (Ga.)News: Not only are captured off our coast in large but they have become so em ded that they ply our inshore, jB. The captain of a hark that' loading in Wright’sA'iver re for several days peram |Hr ’ n the vicinity of his vessel. off the mouth of entrance to {■Hannah river are these denizens of JBre other climes to be found, but B all the way down the Georgia few days since the whaling Golden City, Capt. Anthony, a seventy-barrel whale outside of Brunswick. To strike and keßgood haul out of a shoal of these Wpfts is a “ lucky find,” and when coßider that the one captured near though not considered any >g Bea mastodon, yielded seventy relß or about 2,130 gallons of oil, led 4’ about $2,G00, the business can be el e but profitable. I Valuable Hints. ice ia required at night for a son, break it into small pieces, [t be scarce and care must b< f> prevent its melting, put nYte ilate, cover with another plate, between two feather pillows. ' wear a good woolen dress intc ben without the protection of a iron. pnel that has not been carefully and is not sperTedtly soft*., and thould ever touch the skis of in v - - ever had any patience with a or nurse who Would Isf ly into her collar, or rib [reby inflicting painful wounds tr innocent victim. Not r. pin, [g a sahty pin, should be usq. phild, and when buttons will per le office of pins they should lie I do so. [others, aunties, or sisters v. h< [e school luncheon for the young bay make it as attractive in aj< p as Xhff> * )%■ r 1 very * P dry bread and butter and f pb rolled in a piece of coarst [aper, washed dowD by a drink p cup that “goes the r.-uud--’ luncheon will often impair til' [of a fastidious or delicate child, bill go without rafter than eat tittle care in the cutting of the phe doing np of the cookies 01 I in tissue o/Vliite paper ; ttie [custard put into a pretty cup, [Tapped in a clean white napkin [bright tin pail, or, better still, b Inch basket, will, by the pleas- Ives the child, well repay '.he Ire and thought.— Rural A’eu THE JACKSON NEWS. TOPICS OF THE DAT. The stenographic report of tli* Gui teau trial cost 87,000. • £ The telephone is now in operation in portions of Central Asia. Ex-Viob President Wheeler is in Florida catching alligators. The Ministry in Egypt consider slavery in that conn try a necessity. - - - ♦ :. — A Canadian Court has recognized the validity oI divorces granted in New York, The bridge over East River, at New York, is to be completed the present year. Twelve female doctors in Russia are now officially engaged in teaching medicine to women. If a man adulterates food in China he is put to death. In America the con sumer is put to death. It is safe to conclude that cranks with missions to destroy rulers are becoming entirely too abundant. Fifty-eight million dollars’ worth of ftoger rings are worn in the United States, not counting the brass ones. Temperance in the White House is at a low ebb. Six different kinds of wirw grace the dinners given in that institu tion. Mr. Blaine’s eulogy on Garfield seems to be universally commended by the press for its impartial and moderate tone. Th* assessed value of real estate for taxation in St. Louis is $161,171,010-, personal property, $30,414,630. Total, 1191,586,240. A man who gave information that lead to the conviction of the murderer of Bailey, in Dublin, was shot dead in the street a few days ago for his pains. The fact that Chinese are arriving at San Francisco to the number of 1,000 to 1,500 a day would make it appear that the Celestials have just begun to dis cover us. Winslow, the Boston forger, is mak ing money hand over fist in Itio da Janeiro. His second wife clings to him, although she knows his first wife is living. The Sprague divorce suit was settled ■without the necessity of proving the husband was a brute or the wife unfaith ful, and the country, in that particular, should feel relieved. Roderick Mac Lean, who attempted to assassinate the Queen of England, is pronounced sane by the doctors. To all appearances, liis inspiration was drawn from Guiteau’s notoriety. Bishop, the mind reader, has been completely stumped. An offer has been made him in London of a £I,OOO bank note if he will tell its number while it remains in a sealed envelope. Mr. Parnell disobeyed the rules of Kilmainham J ail and was subjected to one week of solitary confinement there for. Thus it will be seen that Mr. Par hell is looked upon as an ordinary crim inal. Miss Kate Field contributes a long article to Our Continent advocating knee breeches, and for lack of space, says she will pursue the subject further in a subsequent number. Better let men’s clothes alone. A large dry goods firm of Boston pro poses to that each shall {contribute $lO in weekly installments of fifty cents, toward treating one out of every twenty-five of their number to a trip to Europe, luck to decide who shall go. A contemporary suggests that a gen eral bankrupt law is of far less import ance than a law regulating marriages and divorces, which shill be applicable to all parts of the country. That seems to be a pretty sensible idea. Matrimony, ibove all things else, should be well regulated. — 1 ■— • ' " Sicked hams of American pro ted ipto Garmany, are {hero-; axed cotton, goods. *Thi-4 e queer, but it is so. Per haps when some person gets one of the hams off to himself and goes into the bowels of the thing he will find it to be pretty meaty. Destitution on the Lower Mississippi does not only continue, hut seems to in crease. Numerous break in the levees dFe reported and the whole lower country is completely inundated. Inconsequence, the greatest dispress prevails among the inhabitants who are left without shelter or the necessaries of life. The Fish Commission propose, in April, to place in Lake Erie between 40,- 000,000 and .10,000,000 white fish, which are now being hatched at Sandusky and Toledo. It is proposed next year to pay special attention to the stocking of the rivers in the interior of the State with black bass, salmon, and pike. The saloon-keepers of Indianapolis JACKSON. GEORGIA, WEDN ESDAY, MARCH 22, 1882. are making war on those members of Council who voted for the ordinance tax ing saloons. Mr. Brice, baker, says he has lost many customers, a Mr. Stout' lias lost several thousand bushels of coat, and a Mr. Caylor intimates that he is out SI,OOO on ice by the withdrawal of customers. So it goes. A literary genius does not believe in writing a legible hand, because, he argues, if the manuscript is legible it will be put into the hands of the worst com positors, whereas if it be written indif ferently it will be put into the best hands and the work well done. He overlooks the probability of its going into the waste basket instead of the printer's hands. The Old Fellow has come at last, sure enough. A Belgian, who landed at Cas tle Garden, a few days ago,- has a pair of horns an inch long protruding from his forehead. The doctors say they could not be cut away without great danger, ns the incision would probably reach the brain. The fellow, however, doesn’t earOj as he seems to be proud of his pe culiarity. Nineteen members of the New York Legislature have returned their free passes to Mr. Vanderbilt since the smash-up on the New York Central. It mny be they were afraid to continue to ride on Mr. Vanderbilt’s road, but then it may also be they got better “ terms ” over some other route. Politicians don’t throw things over their shoulder for nothing—not as a rule. America will lead in everything. The London World says a young American gentleman named Matthews, while gam bling at Monte Carlo, cleared over 500,- 000 francs during his stay of about a fortnight, 300,000 francs of which he won in three consecutive nights, liis greatest loss in one night amounting to some 70,000 francs, which appeared to be a small matter to the intrepid player. jEstheticism is already going into de cay, and there is following closely upon its heels, originating in England, of course, a doctrine known as agnosticism, having for its followers chiefly scientists. The principal is defined thus . “An ag nostic is a msn who does not know whether there is a God or not, whether he has a soul or not, whether there is a future life or not, doesn’t believe that my one else knows any more about these matters than he does, and that it is a waste of time to find out.” The inventive genius of this nation is prolific in new discoveries, yet but a small percentage of the patents issued liavo any practical value. Prof. Brown, special census agent, says that 5,585 patents have been issued on plows in this country. On harrows and diggers 1,740 have been granted; on harvesters, 5,235, of which about 400 are on self binders; on threshing machines the number is 1,922. Yet of this vast num ber how few are in common use and how small a percentage have ever re turned their inventors any profit. A scientist having discovered that the bite of a mosquito injects into the system an antodote to malaria, has pur sued his investigation further by taking up tiie bedbug. He gives as a result of bis analysis that the bedbug bite acts as an antidote against rheumatism, neutral izing whatever there may be of calomel or mercury in the system by injecting a rich fluid which has been distilled in the retorts of the bug’s body. This may be the reason persons who live in boarding houses are not generally rheumatically afflicted. We reproduce the following from the Detroit Free Press without comment: “ A Boston correspondent writes ; ‘ Can you give me any reason why General Grant should be put on the retired list at $12,000 per year, while the widow of the brave General Custer, who lost his life in the country’s service, receives only S3O per month ?’ We regret to say that we cannot oblige our correspondent with any reason. We would very cheer fully if we could lay our hands on one ; but after diligent search end patient in quiry, we have been driven to the eon elusion that there i* none. ” Tno-Toronto Globe, relates the follow ing : “ A weli-l#iown Canadian lumber man, in making Ids way from Midland Harbor, Lake Huron, to tho mouth of ,tho Muskotae River, preceded his team sters to sound the ice. Getting beyond the islands along the east coast of the Georgian Bay, he found himself exposed to the full force of a northeasterly gale. He was thrown down and blown toward Collingwood. Nothing would stop him ; sometimes on his knees, sometimes on his back, sometimes on his side, he was driven along with fearful speed toward the open water, as he supposed. For twelve miles he rolled, tumbled and slid, helpless, till he was driven against a small island and his life was saved. He lias scarcely smiled since.” The attempt to assassinate Queen Vic toria, as she was entering her carriage at Windsor on the 2d of March, by Roderick MacLcan, is the sixth attempt that lifts been made on her life, although she has never so much as been even wounded by any of her would-be assassin?,. The first attempt was made in June, 1840, by a young man named Oxford, who wasplaced in an insane asylum for life. In 1842 two distinct attempts at / assassination Devoted to the Interest of .Tacltson and Butts Countv. were made, on May 29 and May 30, by John Francis, who was transported for life. July 3, 1842, a hunchback named Doan attempted to shoot the Queen, but the pistol missed fire and was found af terwards to lie loaded with powder, paper and a alav pipe. Dean was sen tenced to eighteen months’ imprison ment. A few years ago a half crazy yonng Irishman pointed an nuloaded pistol at Her Majesty, for which he was “ whipped.” No political significance is attached te the attempt of a few days ago. _ A debate most novel in its nature has occurred at Newark, Ohio, between Professor J. C. Hartzler, Superintendent of the public schools, and Rev. Adam Pfenger, a Lutheran minister. The subject was “ Resolved, that the earth has no motion, and is the center of crea tion, ” the minister taking the affirma tive and backing liis argument by quota tions from Scripture and' an unlimited faith in the doctrines tanght by the '* In spired ” writers. “Johuo commanded the sun to stand still or God permitted a lie to be handed down from generation to generation.” In Isaiah it is said that ‘' the sun turned backward, ” and God’s reputation for truthfulness is at stake when it comes to doubting and denying His revealed word. The minis ter denounced astronomers as wholesale deceivers. Ho also claimed that if the earth had the motions attributed to it by science, the Gulf stream would flow in opposite directions, and the atmos “phero would sweep every thing from the fuce of the globe. Professor Hartzler, in reply, accompanied his argument by black-board illustrations, and a corre spondent states that although ho han dled his subjeot in a masterly way, the majority of the audience, which was large, pinned their faith to Pfenger and the Scripture. The Humiliation of Servility. As living becomes more elaborate and wealth commoner, the unreliability ol the household service grows more and more exasperating. In tiie one kind oi service which is essential to the comfort and health of a family, it is more ques tion of luck whether au employer will got anything like the worth of his money or not. In every other kind ol hired labor there are well understood standards of capability bv which the question of wages is decided. A printei is paid only for what ho does. An op erative in a factory has liis work criti cised and his mistakes reckoned Uf agaiußt him. In housework, however, tins is unheard of. The tidy, industrionr girl who earns every cent of her money, is followed by Dinah and filth, and Bridget and deatmctic who must be paid just the same price. As for the ;kilk:d‘Jbor that can always be lmd for money-dir any other line of work, it it simply not in the market. In this mat ter rich and poor stand on tiie same level. A man may, by a year of hard work, get a line'ijtiuse in which to put a wife, bat he hasmo security that- in it she will lie any better waited on or loss careworn than she was in the house they rented for six dollars a mouth. Architects and hmldirs do all they can to make the modern house comfortablo. Even plumbers, may lio bought with a pkiee, but wSioft the Work is all done, who-will “guaiantee that the first “help” will not ißy the kitchen.desolate aud make of tiie back yard a waste place ? But while this is true, there are hun dreds of women in the city, begging for work of A kind which they consider genteel. An advertisement for a copyist nrfifjipJnhswers from hundreds of women. Every month scores of experienced, capable young women apply at the sliojis for positions as saleswomen, at merely nominal -wages, and every popular dress maker has on her books fifty or seventy five names .ahead of seamstresses, who will take workat any price. Every ladv aW influence "has in her acquaintance a dozen women who hover on the edge of destitution, almost crazy from their own helplessness. It seems strange that the one work in which every girl has a little training, and for which she may ho considered to have an Rptitude, is the one thing which she would never consent to do; and the question arises whether ibero is any thing really degrading in kitchen work, or anything disreputalile in the circum stances of it which should make it an unfit business for bright, industrious •girls who must Support; themselves. Bur, ly there can ho nothing lowering in cooking and housework. Any of these young women will look forward with pleasure to doing it in her own house. The most elegant women must needs have a practical knowledge of it, or their Mtulilialimenta will never run smoothly. Placed on Approval. A stranger enters the store of to oblig ing grocer: Stranger—“ Owing to the extortions of the gas companies I Have about deter mined to light my premise* with candles, only, you see, lam at a los* to decide what sort to select. I want something really good, you know.” Grocer—“ Certainly, sir! Step this way a moment, sir! You can see for yourself, sir 1” (Lights fifteen different sort;; of candles and places them on the counter.) Stranger (after having walked np and down before them-for five minutes, with his chin in his hand, immersed in deep reflection) —“ Well, 1 guess on the whole I prefer gas ! Good aftem non 5” (Exit hurriedly!) Grocer (Hurling a bar of soap after him.)-"Oh. : Ml” •—Uelroit Free Freit. What is that which has three feet but no legs, is all body hut no limbs, has no toes on tho feet, no head, moves a great deal hut never uses its feet for that pur pose, has one foot at each end and one in the center of the body ; never walks out, hnt goes with one foot where the head might be, dragging the other foot behind V Answer—A yardstick. The Lime Kiln Club. “Several letter* !ve come to mo doorin 1 de pas’ week axin' mo to define my posisliun on dis queshnn of amuse ments,” said Bruddfer Gardner, as the lamps were turned np. “ Ebery once in a whilo dor’ am a yell for reform, nn‘ sartiu men an' women weep an’ wail ober de giueral wickedness of do world. De church pitches into de theater, do prayer-meetin’ whacks away at dancin', an’ de Sunday school-teacher tells de lectio boys Jut de circuß am nex’ douli to Serdiskun. It has bin my opinyun fur e las' fifty y’ars ; dat dis Was a wicked world. It was created fur a wicked world. De Lawd wanted it dat way, an' He rnnde it to please Hisself. l)e Borip turs state dat wickedness shall abound in ebery co’ner of de land; dat men shall murder an’ rob an’ women go astray ; dat ohill'en shall delly deif par ents an’ brudder turn agin brtlddor, All Bieh tings am predicted an’to be’spected an* looked fur, an’ nobody linn nnV grounds to howl air woep. If dis war a good world we should have no need of preachers, deacons nil' Sunday-school toaclierß. Preachers will tell you dat man am Imperfect, an’ dat de Lawd made him to go astray, an’ yet dey will turn ai'oun’ an’ wonder dat he am not goodness biled down. " Deed, gem'lon, but de only better world dan dis am heaben itself, You have got to hunt fur wickedness to fin’ it. You have got to prejudge de case if yon can make Wickedness out of de jokes of a circus down or do plot of do ordi nary drama. If I had to praise God by flndin’ fault wid de world lie nnide an’ de people Ho put yere, I’m afraid it would be faint praise. Do preacher who can’t go to de theater widout feojin' wicked had better stay away. If he wasn’t on de hunt to fin’ wickedness he wouldn’t see it any mo’ dan do rest of us. Me an’ de ole woman kin go out an’ dance Virginy reel fur fo’ hours an’ cum home wid cla’r consciences fur family prayers. Wo kin set down to keerds an’ not forgit to bo honest an’ charitable an’ forgivin’. We kin go to a circus an’ oomo home an’ fank God dat our lives have bin spar’d anodor day, an’ dat wo am still loft to comfort do sick on’ for give de errin’. If gwino to sicli places makes a proaeher feel dat Bataii has got a mortgage on him dou ho’d better stay home. “No man airnest in de good cause wants to fight agin human natur’. Man am a social bein’. He likes to be pleased an’ amoosod. Make a tombstono of him an he’ll soon hate hisself. When 1 see a man who claims to be too good to watch a circus purccshun pass ’long the street I nebor work for him widout de cash in advance. When I fin’ a man who am down on amoosements I doan’ work fur him at nil. A y’nr ago, when me an’ de 010 woman was joggin’ ober to de circus wo met a man who said wo war gwine straight to Texas. Ho said ho would cooner see his son in his coffin dan in ft circus, and he scurt do ole lady most to death. I kept track of dat tombstone, an’ in loss dan six months he left town widout payin’ his gua bill, water tax, butcher or grocer, an’ he am no exception in his class. Look out for solum-faqcd men. Bewar’ of do men who weep ober do wickedness of a world made so by do Lawd fur reasons of liis own. Have no truck wid men who neb ber laff. A man widout faults atn a mini widout reason. A man widout wickedness am a man widout argyment.” —Detroit Free Pres*. Single Women. A clover old maid once said that it was far better to be laughed at because you wero not married than not to bo able to laugh because Joll wero. There is sound logic in that. It is well for woman to marry if she meets a good, true man who loves ker and whom she loves; but if she bo not suited, better, far better, that she remain single. The majority of old maids are helpful, lova ble and sweet-tempered, and fill their allotted niche os acceptably fts do their married sisters. Are they not more to be honored than they would have been had they married merely for a home or position ? Our young ladies have erron eous ideas upon this subject. They feel almost disgraced if they liavo to arrivo at a mature age, aud are not yet able to write Mrs. before their names. Their whole ambition is to get a husband, by hook or by crook,'but get him somehow they must. Consequently they take the first man who offers himself, whether ho really suits them dr not. Now, girls, do not murry in haste. Get the beet education possible, help alniut domestic affairs, and enter upon some trade or profession for which you have a taste arid master it. Bkillod labor is always well paid. Do’nt spend your ume re pining because you cannot see the com ing mam If yon never see him, you can live useful, happy lives. You think if you had a huslmnd you would have a strog arm on which to lean, a sharer of sorrow and trouble. Alas ! many a slender woman has had not only to stand alone, but also serve as prop for children and husband, and very few wives ffnd in their husbands all the sympathy and companionship they de sire. If you are good for anything you will not be hurt by remaining siugle, neither will you be elevated by becom ing “ John’s wife.” Do your duty in life nd you will count for one in the world, whether married or single. Apples Aft Food. exchange states the benefits of apples to boas follows: “A raw, mel low apple is digested in an hour and a half, while tidied cabbage requires five hours. The most healthy dessert that can bo placed on a table, is a bnkiql apple. If eaten frequently at breakfast with coarse bread and butter, without meat or flesh of any kind, it lias an ad mirable effect ui>on the general system, often removing constipation, correcting acidities and cooling off febrile conditions more effectually than the most approved medicines. If families could lie induced to substitute them for pies, cakes and sweetmeats, with which their children are frequently stuffed, there would be a diminution in the total sum of doctors Gills in a single year sufficient to lay in a stock of this delicious fruit for the whole season’s use.” A MAN must lie going slowly when he tetsoid age overtake kin*. A Romance of O’Donovan In Central Asia. When the Russians under General SkobelelT started on their expedition against the Turkomans at Geok Tepe, O’Donovan, of the London Daily Jictvs, applied for permission to accompany them, but was refused. Upon receiving General Skobeleifs final answer, the de termined correspondent telegraphed his thanks for the courteous wording of the refusal, and finished liis message with the significant words, “An revoir, General, a Merv.” “Till w meet again, General, at Merv.” O’Donovan then started upon his jour ney. He reached tire northwestern boundary of Persia, and succeeded in safely crossing tiro frontier, riding 120 miles in twenty-four hours. Luck, in addition to his native shrewdness, fa vored him, and ho reached Merv in safety, though a prisoner, and suspected of bding a Russian. As boat be could he informed his captors of his English nationality, and liis wit and manners so pleased the Turkomans that ho wns kept in a sort of honorablo confinement until his statement could be continued. Sat isfactory information concerning him was nt last received from Teheran, and he w as released. O’Donovau’s wonderful stores of in formation, and his statements concern ing the almost boundless extent of the English Empito, caused the Turkomans to look upon him as a man of much im portance, and he was called upon to set tle a long-standing dispute ns to the chief executive power. There are two proper holders of tlmt, power—the Sheik of tha. Eastern Turkomans aflil the Sheik of the Western Turkomans. It appears tlmt it Was necessary for the highest diguitnry or dignital'lcs of the Turkomans to un dertake a perilous mission to Teheran. It was considered probable that whoever wont would lose his head, and to avoid this risk the two chi' ftains conferred the honor upon the oldest of their class. Much to their surprise, lie returned alive, and was allowed to retain liis dig nity until the arrival of O’Donovan, whose abuiidnneo of wealth, it is sup posed, induoed the Eastern and Western chiefs to determine to reassert their claims, lest lio whom they had elevated to tho highest position should monopo lize the gifts of tho illustrious foreigner. A great council was ln-ld, tho old chief deposed, tho two restored to their origi nal positions, and O’Donovan elected Ichtiar Bahadoor Khan of tho Tekko Turkomans, and joined tho other two chiefs in forming a triumvirate, ruling over the district of Merv, with a popula tion of 500,000 souls. O’Donovan was installed in his lion orablo position with imposing ceremo nies, aud given a “palace,” for that re gion, to live in. His 'official duties white abiding in Merv consisted mainly in dis pensing justice, ohiclly in canes of mur der nnd robbery, ■ they boiug tho only crimes recognized. After six months O'Donovan wearied of liis life ut Merv, and wishing to re turn to civilization, expressed a de sire to be sent as embassador plenipo tentiary of tho Tekko Turkomans to tho European courts, A great council was hold to consider the subject. O’Don ovftn having arrived at Merv just at tho moment the onward march of tho Rus sians had been arrested, arid the Turko mans associating that cVr-nt with his ap iunrnuoo, looked upon him as their de liverer, and liis presence an a sure pro tection against their hereditary enemies. For this rnusoli t-lioy wore unwilling to part with liiiri, but at lust commuted on tho promiso that lie would one day re turn to them. lie roplie'd', “I will re turn when I aui sent back to yon.” It requires more than a surgical operation, to enable, tho Turkomans to see through a joke, and the humor of O’Donovan's answer- not being appreciated, he was permitted to depart, and was accompan ied to tho Persian frontier by a body of Turkoman troops.— Cincinnati Commer cial. Rapid Transit. Uncle Mono owns scycrill small shan ties on Galveston avenue, which lio rents out, but one of the tenants is rather slow upcoming up witli the rent, so Old Mosc hail to make him a pastoral, visit. Just as he waH coming awawfroin tho house, ■Old Mose met Jim Welmtcr. “Jim,” said the old quin; t‘ which am de fastest, trabbeler you ober lieonl toll about?’" “Dey say dat dc ray of light I rabbi on more den 200,00(1 miles a second, but I mflbbor timed it myself,”' replied Jim. “liar’s a man in Galveston what can gib.de ray oh light fifty yards start anil beat it want kind.” “ G’Wiiy, ole inan. Lyin’ is ketchin, and I hain’t been vaccinated since and wall.” “Hit am joss so as I tole yer, Gabo Buodgrass, wliut owes mo four mumt’s back rent, can outtralible de light.” “Did yer see him do it?” “I went to de front doah, and jess as liis wife opened do front doah I seed Gabe slide out do back doah. ‘ls Gabo at home ?’ says I. ‘ He’s done gone to Houston,’ says she. Hit am fifty miles to Houston, and lie must liab made dc trip while I was a-lookin’ at him slide out dc back doah. Jess fetch.on yer ray ob light, and ef it don’t hub to hump hitseff to catch up wid Gabe Snodgrass when I comes for do back rent, deu Iso a fool——dat s all. Philosophers and Poets. The St. Louis Globe-Democrat has a long article in a late issno, the gist of which is that women had better marry philosophers than poets, as their chunces of conjugal happiness are greater. The reason of this is that the former, living In a World of logic and fact, allows his ideality to deviflop afoitnd his wife, while the poet, on tho contrary, dwell ing in a region of sentiment and exalted fancy, is horrified to find the creature he had married with the idea that she was an angel, to be only flesh atid jilood after all. The consequence is that the wives of the philosophers, though they may bo common-place women liko Dr. John son’s wife, are lovod while living, and deeply mourned when dead. The wives of the poets, on the other hand, no mat ter how lovely or loveable, are usually disappointments to their husbands, and get little of their affection. Girls, marry philosophers, if you would be happy. TERMS: $1.50 per Annum. NUMBER 28. nUMORS OF TIIE DAY. Cross roads are most apt to be bird. An Kansas women lovo to whistle. And wlurt is more lovely than tulips well blown ? Trifles light as hair sometimes turn the whole course of a man’s appetite, says the Now Orleans Picayune. An Illinois girl’s toast: “The young men of America—their arms our sup porters, our arms their reward; fall in, men, fall in.” Jo says that the best lip salve in crea tion ia a kiss. The remedy should be used with great cure, ns it may bring on an affection of the heart. A Baltimore man remained in a trnuco for three days recently, and they finally had to yell “dog fight” under his window to rouse him to iil'e. Mas. Harriet Beecher Btowe thinks it very inartistic to knit men’s foot gear straight. Doesn't it depend, Harriet, on whoso socks it is that is gored. A Nkbiuska monument to a. horse thief is simply a stake at the head of t\>o grave and a sign reading: “It would have been cheaper for him to go afoot.” A youNO man has generally got the winning cards in bis hand when, on popping the question, lie sees a ‘ ‘flush in liis sweotheart’s face. — /Somerville Journal. Bridget (who lias discovered the car pet b weeper): “Luk at the music box, now, will the long handle! I wander how they plays on the insthrumintl” — Button Transcript. An exchange says: “If a minister can receive the title of ‘Dr.’ why cannot a physician havo the title of ‘Rev? Because people may think it meant Revelations, and doctors know a good deal. Said little Edith to her doll: “There, don’t answer me back. You inustn tbe saucy, no matter how hateful I um. lain your mother!” Strange what curioua Ideas'children get into their heads some times. “What pretty children, and how much they look alike,” says 0, during a first visit at a friend’s house. “They are twins,” liis friond explains. “What! both of’em?” cxclained 0, greatly in terested. There is a knock at tho front door, and tho colored person says to tho lady of tho house: “Is you do white ooinan what told a colored gomman you was lookin' for a colored lady to wash your clothes By tho mumf?” “Yes,” sfiid tho tramp, “they talk about tho charitable institutions of Boa tun. Now, a man can go down to tho Ihtwkins Streot Homo and got a supper and lodging, and lie’s got to saw a foot of wood to pay for it. By snakes, sir, I don’t call, that charity. "—Boston Post. A new author, who intends to make a living by good advice, says: “Never leave what you undertake until you can reach your linns around itand clinch your hands on the other side.” Perseverance, ana all that sort of thing, in tho right direc tion, is well enough, and even commend able; but if the now author’s advico is carried put, ono is likely to get liis ears boxoil.— Ncu) Orleans Ploat/une. A Chicago young man broke i the room of the girl lie loved, to carry her away, as slio refused to marry him. Blio was absent, but loft tho bull dog asleep on hnr lied. Tho room was dark. The dog didn’t bark, but worked. In about seven minutes the remains of the young' man came out and said that he wouldn’t nmrry that girl for $70,000. A Sea Waif. Avery curious anecdote is told con cerning Admiral Bythesea, V. C., C. 8., who retired from the service, after hav ing for many years filled the post of Cor suiting Naval Officer to the (Vj7iWument of India. It is stilted r.i die Admiral was picked up, when an infant, far out at sea, lahcd to a bale of goods. A Kiy-presumably his mother —was with him, but she was dead, anil there was no evidence of any kind by which tho name of the waifs ctitild bo traced. The offi eors of tho man-of-war which picked up the poor little infant did all they could by advertisement and inquiry to dis cover liis relatives, aud, finding all their attempts futile, they determined to adopt the child, to which they gave the name of “By tho Bea.” He was sent to a naval school, and, when old enough, mined the navy. By a happy coinci dence the first ship in which lie served was the ono which hud saved his life as an infant. He took to his profession, and during the Crimean war distin guished liiuisejf at the Island of Wardo, where he earned tho Victoria Cross and tho decoration of C. B. Later on his t-drvices in India gave him tho Compan ionship of the Order of the Indian Em pire, ,und li retired from the service with the rank of Admiral —a consumma tion little drbllmed of by the kind-heart ed officers who rescued and educated idUl. An Ingenious Swindle. A pair of swindiors played off in Pari* tho following ingenious trick: A well dressed man entered a tobaccoist’s shop on the Boulevard Bonno Nouvelle, and after purchasing throe cigars gave a flve fruno gold piece in payment; but after receiving hie change'he declared that it was a twenty-franc piece which he had given, and on the woman who had served him asserting the contrary, he added that it was a piece of the reign of Louis Phillippe, hearing the date of 1840; the shopkeeper then looked among the gold in tier till, and finding a gold coin such as described supposed she had been mistaken, and at once gave him the dif ference. A police agent in plain clothes happened however to be standing by, and having his suspicious excited, de termined to follow tho stranger. He presently saw the individual join another man in the street, and the two went to gether to tho Place do la Bourse, where they separated, and the second entered a tobacconist’s, and after making a small purchase gave in payment the identical twenty-franc piece received at the other shox>. The confederate shortly after went in, and was repeating the same stratagem as before, when tho police of ficer stepped forward and arrested liinx