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V/ r* S?*liTHi Publisher,
volume ix.
THE (HIM NET'S SON a .
BT BBET HAUTE.
Orer the chimney the night wind sang,
And chanted a melody no one knew;
And the woman stopped as the babe she tossed,
And thought of the one she had long since lost,
And said, as her tear-drops back she forced,
“ I hate the wind In the chimney.”
(her the chimney the night wind sang,
And chanted a melody no one knew*
And the ehiiareu nuia, iney closer drew,
** ’Tis some witch that is cleaving the night all
through—
Tin a fairy trumpet that Just now blew,
And we fear the wind the chimney.**
Over the emmney the night wind sang,
And chanted a melody no one knew;
And the man, as he sat on his hearth below,
9*id to himself “ It will surely snow.
And iuelis dear and wages low,
And I'll slop the leak in the chimney.”
Over the chimney the nignt wind sang,
And chanted a melody no one knew;
tut tho poet listened and smiled, for he
Wan man and woman and child, all three,
And bo mid “ It is Gud’s ov.n harmony.
This wind that sings in the chimney.”
PICKLED LIMES .
A Hoarding-School Frolic.
I.—Plotring Mischief.
“Who lilies pickled limes?” asked
one.
”0,1 do!” “And I!” “And I!”
shouted about a dozen of the other girls.
” All right 1 We’ll each contribute a
few pennies, and have a regular feast of
picked limes and stick-candy.”
“That’s go!” cried No. 2. “Won’t
wo enjoy them, though! My mouth
waters to think of it.”
'These young girls were all pupils in a
very aristocratic boarding school not
many miles away, whore everything was
conducted on system, and the young
ladies were expected to turn out perfect
models of intellectual womanhood. Some
did, but, alas ! for human hopes, very
many graduated with but one fixed
Idea, namely : that boarding-school was
ft place in which to have fun, and to tor
ment tho teachers to the utmost of their
ability.
Miss Woodward was a fine principal
and a very discerning woman, but the
girls would get the best of her occasion
ally, in spite of her keen eyes and ears;
and just now, after a whole month of
goodness, they were positively pining
for mischief, and had ransacked their
brains for something wicked enough to
■bock tho whole community.
The morning before, while their
worthy principal was taking her beauty
sleep, someone had climbed up to the
veranda, and just before her window
bad placed a most ridiculous caricature
of her august self, adorned with her
precious brown ringlets, and a set of
teeth that were supposed to have been
a profound secret. How they got out of
her top drawer on to that figure will al
ways remain a mystery to Miss Wood
ward. But there they were; so the poor
lady was obliged to pull the object in,
and stiile her indignation as best she
could, because ’twould never do to have
the story spread abroad.
'lhe young Professor of Languages
hftd been tormented to such a degree
that, had it not been for an attachment
to the very ringleader of all the mis
chief, he would certainly have thrown
n P his situation for more peaceful
haunts; but, being hopelessly in love,
he bore it all, to the great disgust of the
fids, who daily expected some explosion
from him. Nothing was said, and, as
Miss Woodward had kept quiet about
the figure, they were quite melancholy,
fcfcd felt that nothing but great dis
obedience, in some form, would com
pensate for their disappointment.
One of the rules of the school strictly
enjoined the putting out of all the lights
b >- 9:30 o’clock, and the putting of one’*
■elf quietly to bed ; but here were thea#
girls this afternoon planning for pickled
limes and a good time in the evening,
■dor all the good people of the house
•hould be in their beds.
It was decided that, after tea, Nettie
, tier, the very essence of fun aud the
in all the mischief, should feign
u - and start for her room, but should
®teal oqt the back gate and down into
* tru for the goodies. So while the
risers were in the dining hall, Nettie,
nn S been excused on “account of a
* '^ ere Bic k headache,” made her escape
4 did all that was desired of her—and
She bought all kinds of dainties
town afforded, then stole in and
with her lore* bundle,
Unseen,
Atl ° o’clock, when they were sup-
k® sweetly sleeping, fourteen of
ecorous joung women in the
I lishment were perched on Nettie’s
> kicking pickled limes and discuss
™ fcure mischief.
If " e could only do something to
Clate EQ ** Skm 1 *"* I should bo
’ said Grace Darnley, who dis
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhUltltlfe tfawgii
liked tho professor for something the
same reason as the fox detested tho
grapes.
lliey all sat busily thinking for about
a minute, nothing being heard but the
smack of lips over limes and candy.
Then, “ Oh, girls, I have an idea !” from
Grace.
Al l mouths suspended motion.
“You know Ma’am Woodward thinks
the professor is perfection itself, and,
although she is about twenty years older
than he. thinks that those ringlets and
her bewitching manner have surely cap
tivated him. Well, we’ll send her a
touching love-letter, and sign his name ;
won’t that be fun, though ?”
The other girls were astonished at
such a vigorous movement, because,
notwithstanding all their mischief, they
thoroughly respected the young man,
and did not wish to disgrace themselves
in his eyes. Nettie, although knowing
nothing of his feelings for her, was quite
tenderly disposed toward him, and did
not care to see him intrapped, and
perhaps led into marriage. They rll
demurred some time, but were fimdly
overruled by Grace.
“He won’t mind it a bit,” said she ;
“and think how mad ’twill make the
* old ’un,’ when she discovers that we
are aware of her passion for him ! ”
That whs sufficient; they all detested
aer—so agreed.
A week from that night was to occur
a monthly social circle given in the
school, when the young ladies of the
town outside were invited, and also a few
irreproachable young men, who afforded
great amusement for the girls by their
meek aud lowly appearance. It whs de
cided that in the letter a place and time
of meeting should be appointed. Time—
nine and one-half o’clock, social night;
place—Miss Woodward’s private parlor.
The pickled limes and candy having
by this time all disappeared, the party
broko up with a parting injunction from
Grace to think up an awful letter for the
old lady.
IT. —Executing Mischief.
The next few days were busy ones.
Every spare moment was occupied by
tho girls in writing and comparing love
letters; but finally one was composed
which it was decided could not bo im
proved upon. It spoke of the over
whelming passion the author had for
Miss W., and his utter inability to keep
it longer to himself. “ Having fancied,
from several slight advances, that she
was not entirely indifferent to him, he
had ventured to address these lines to
her. He knew there was some differ
ence in their ages, but if she would
overlook that, he would make her a
faithful, devoted husband. If she could
return his love, would she meet him in
her private parlor the next evening,
while tho others were making merry
above stairs ? And couid he ask her to
make no sign until that time, as, in case
of a refusal, he would like to think of
her as his own, for a while, at least. ”
Grace had been spending hours trying
to imitate his handwriting, in which she
succeeded to some degree ; but, being a
love-letter, the lady would scarcely think
of the writing simply of the supposed
writer.
One afternoon, two days before social
night, while the principal was out tak
ing her “constitutional,” the letter was
carried to her room and placed where
she would surely see it; then the girls
waited with some fear and trembling for
the result.
At the tea-table, that night, Miss
Woodward was late, and came in with a
peculiar expression of triumph on her
face that amused the girls, even in their
anxiety.
That she had read the letter was evi
dent, for occasionally she would glance
down to the other table so happy, where
Prof. Stems sat unconsciously eating,
that, had the poor fellow been really an
anxious lover, it would have lightened
his heart considerably. But he, being
ignorant of the plot' against bis peace of
mind, was serenely talking with one of
the other teachers-; go Miss Woodward
restrained her raptures until the ap
pointed meeting should take place.
That night the same fourteen conspir
ators gathered again in Nettie’s room to
talk over matters.
“ Oh. dear,” said pretty little Alice
Grant, “ I wish we'd never had anything
to do with that old letter 1 I know
something horrid will turn up.”
“That’s sol” said Nettie; “and I
would not have Prof. Sterns know that
I was in the scrape for the world!”
They all echoed the sentiment except
Grace, and even she did not seem so de
sirous of mischief as formerly; but ’twas
done, and they must await the conse
quences* as best they ooold.
ftnotn] to Industrial Inter st. the Diffii ion ol Truth, the Establishment #f Justice, and the Preservation of a People’s Government
INDIAN SPRINGS, GEORGIA.
lll— The Consequences.
, The next evening, while the young
professor wa3 arranging his toilet for
the affair, a note was handed him by
one of the servants requesting his pres
ence in the principal’s parlor at half-past
nine. Supposing it to be some business
connected with school duties, he thought
little about the matter. Now this was
unknown to any but Grace. She had
decided to make the little plot more
complicated.
“ ’Twill serve him right if he does get
into a scrape,” thought she. “ Perhaps
it will teach him to treat some of the
younger girls with a little more polite
ness.”
About 8 o’clock all came to the
long drawing rooms, looking as pretty
as new-blown roses. The rooms were
filled with young people, and of course
they straightway proceeded to enjoy
themselves.
Miss Wood ward was arrayed in “spot
less white,” and looked the very ancient
maiden she was, notwithstanding her at
tempts to appear extremely youthful.
Prof. Sterns was enjoying himself
heartily, and never so much as looked
her way. “But,” thought she, “’tis
because he is fearful lest the girls should
joke him. But they’ll hear it to-mor
row*, for I shall tell them myself. After
so many years of waiting, I wish to be
the first to spread the news of my en
gagement.”
As the clock sounded the half hour
after 9, Miss Woodward skipped youth,
fully out of the room down into her owe
parlor, and a few moments later Prof.
Sterns also left the room, followed by
many anxious eyes until out of sight.
As he entered her room, the principal
gave a little shriek of what was meant
to be joy, and rushed into his arms.
“Miss Woodward?” exclaimed the
astonished man, trying to shake her off.
“ Pray explain yourself ! What has
alarmed you ? ”
“O! Edward, this moment is too
much for me ! Can I believe my own
eyes ? ” still clinging to him like grim
death.
The professor couia scarcely believe
his senses, but, giving her a decided
shove, sat her down on the sofa.
“ Now, madam, please explain your
self ! You wished to see me on business,
ana here I am l What is wilted
me?”
“Why, Edward,” very tenderly,
“ there is no need for such secrecy ;
no one is within hearing but ourselves,
and you know, love, you wished an
answer to your note. It is here ; I have
you from the moment I saw you,
and. am willing to be your wife. The
sooner, the better ;” and onoo Aiore she
made a rush for his coat-collar.
To say that the young fellow was as
tonished is but a feeble expression—he
was simply dumbfounded. And the
note ! What could it all mean ? But,
having forcibly seated the too-loving
woman again, he said :
“ Let me see the j”
With a look of great consternation on
her face, she produced it, and watched
him closely as he real.
“Mis3 Woodward!” after reading
slowly from beginning to end, “ believs
me, I never saw this before.”
“What! You didn’t write it ?’ r
shrieked the almost-frantio woman;
“then who did? Who has dared to
make such a fool of me? Who has
dared do it, I say ?”
Now if the professor guessed, he said
nothing, but tried to calm the poor
woman, for he pitied her grief and
rage.
But 'twas in vain 1 In her raving,
she dropped off her beautiful curls, and
that was the “straw which broke the
camel’s backshe fell to the floor in a
6wood. The young man, thinking she
would be'better without him, took his
leave, and sent one of the servants to
her assistance ; then went to his own
apartments to think it over.
That Nettie Cutler was at the bottom
of the mischief, he was certain, and he
suffered some sharp pangs to think she
cared so little for his feelings and those
of her teacher as to do such a thing.
After much meditation on the subject,
the poor fellow took himself to bed with
ft heavy heart.
Miss Woodward was, with some diffi
culty, tucked away for the night, and
her feelings were pitiable indeed. She
meant to be kind to the girls, and to
think they should do such an act (for
by this time she had thought of some of
her pupils as the authors) troubled her
greatly. Then, how should she ever
meet that fellow again? But, while
i thinking over these things, she gradual*
ly fell asleep and forgot all her woes.
The mischief-makers themselves were
almost as uneasy as their victims. Not
much was said among them, and they
retired 6arly ; but none of them rested
well, and Nettie cried herself to sleep.
The next morning, as Nettie was go
ing down the corridor, who should slia
meet but the professor himself going
up. She attempted to pass with a sim
ple “ Good-morning,” but he stopped.
“Miss Cutler, I could scarcely be
lieve that you would be guilty of such
a deed as you performed at Miss Wood
ward’s and my expense. I have lost
respect for you !”
“ Oh ! Professor ! we—we really didn’t
mean to do any harm ! ” sobbed Nettie;
“ and we thought you’d know ’twas all
in fun ! ”
‘ ‘ Yes ! It must be remarkably funny
to hurt the feelings of your principal as
you have done,” he said, sternly, and
passed on.
Nettie stood gazing after him with
tearful eyes, “If we hadn’t had those
horrid old pickled limes to eat, we should
never have thought of it. Oh !he will
never look at me again ! I wish I was
dead and buried ! ”
But, bless you! he d’d; he couldn’t
help it. The girls went to their princi
pal, confessed their crime, and were
punished according to the deed; but
they were not expelled, to their great
relief ; and Miss Woodward recovered
from her grief and disappointment in
time.
The professor, after making friends
with Miss Nettie, and discovering that
she really was not the leader for this
time, found another professorship not
far away, and resigned his to a much
older man, who at last accounts was in
tending to make the principal and him
self one.
After Nettie became Mrs. Stems, she
would often say, laughingly, that pickled
limes were hot good food for young
women—they encouraged mischief.
HE WON THE BET.
A wag, who was anxious to test how
much confidence a certain friend had in
him, toqjc a standard dollar, and, coat
ing it with quicksilver, passed it at the
other’s store. In less than half an hour
the dollar, whose peculiar appearance
had aroused distrust, was brought back
with :
“ Here, Billy, you have given me a
bogus dollar, and I came to get it re
deemed. ”
“It isn’t a bogus dollar at all; it’s as
good as any money ever coined in Amer
ica,” replied the wag. “ Can’t you be
lieve me ? No man has a right to call
money counterfeit until he subjects it to
a fire assay. ”
The other said that under ordinary
circumstances he would believe his
friend, but when it came to trying to
palm off lead dollars on him for silver
ones it was another matter, and offered
to bet $lO that the dollar was bogus.
The bet was aceepted and the dollar
turned over to an assayer who pro
nounced it standard silver 900 fine.
“Well,” said the loser, “you sef’up
the oysters and we’ll go down to the
store and get the money. ”
The winner, whose conscience began
to smite him, spent exactly $lO in cham
pagne and oysters, and then walked
down to the store. The loser handed
him a $lO bill, which he shoved into his
pocket only to find a few hours later
that it was counterfeit. He went back
to expostulate, but the loser insisted that
it was genuine, and added significantly :
“If you have any doubts as to the cor
rectness of my statement you had better
subject it to a fire assay.”
The smart Aleck wandered off blas
pheming, and is now trying to figure up
how much he is ahead on his trick.
NEURALGIA AS a WARX IX'G.”
One of the London medical journals
declares that the great prevalence of
neuralgia—or what commonly goes by
that name—should be regarded as a
warning indicative of a low condition of
health, which must necessarily render
its subjects peculiarly susceptible to the
invasion of diseases of an aggessive
type. It is always essential that the
vital forces should be vigorous, and the
nerve power especially in full develop
ment ; but neuralgia indicates a lower
depressed state of vitality—a poor and
weak state—and should be promptly
placed under treatment „
Accordrso to Herr Richard Andree
there are 6,139,000 Jews in the world.
Five-sixths live in Europe. Asia has
182,847. The greatest proportion is in
Roumania, or twice as high as in Bus*
sia. Norway, he says, contains only
thirty-four.
WASHINGTON'X ETIQUETTE.
President Washington never went to
Congress on public business except in a
state coach, drawn by six cream-colored
horses. The coach was an object which
would excite the admiration of the throng
even now in the streets of London. It
was built in the shape of a hemisphere,
and its panels were adorned with cupids,
surrounded with flowers worthy of
Florida, and of fruit not to be equaled
out of California. The coachman aud
postillions wero arrayed in gorgeous
liveries of white and scarlet. The Puila
delphia Gazette , a Government organ,
regularly gave a supply of court news
for the edification of the citizens. From
that the people were allowed to leam as
much as it was deemed proper for them
to know about the President’s m mo
ments, and a fair amount of space was
also devoted to Mrs. Washington—who
wa? not referred to as Mrs. Washington,
but as “the amiable consort of our bo
loved President.” When the President
made his appearance at a ball or public
reception, a dais was erected for him,
upon which he might stand apart from
the vulgar threng, and tho guests or
visitors bowed to him in solemn silence.
“ Republican simplicity ” has only
come in later times. In our day the
hack-driver who takes a visitor to a
public reception at the White House is
quite free to get off his box, wa’k in side
by side with his fare and shake hands
with the President with as much famil
iarity as anybody else. Very few per
sons presumed to shake hands with
Gen. Washington. One of his friends,
Gouverneur Morris, rashly undertook,
for a foolish wager, to go up to him aud
slap him on tho shoulder, saying, “My
dear General, I am happy to see you
look so well. ” The moment fixed upon
arrived, and Mr. Morris, already half
repenting of his wager, went up to the
President, placed his hand upon his
shoulder, and uttered the prescribed
words. “Washington,” as an eye
witness described the scene, “ withdrew
his hand, stepped suddenly back, fixed
his eye on Morrfs for several minutes
with an angry frown, until the latter re
treated abashed, and sought refuge in
the crowd.” No one else ever tried a
similar experiment. It is recorded of
Washingtpn that he wished the official
title of the President to be “High
Mightiness,” and at one time it was pro
posed to engrave his portrait upon the
national coinage. No royal levees were
more punctiliously arranged than those
of the first President. —Quarterly B.e
vieiv.
EIGHT DATS IN A SNOWDRIFT.
Instances are not wanting of the
almost-miraculous preservation of hu
man beings when buried in a drift
wreath. Few more remarkable than the
following will be found, which occurred
at the village of Impington, about three
miles from Cambridge. On the 2d of
February, 1799, Mrs. Elizabeth Wood
cock, a respectable resident of the vil
lage, on returning home from market
was overtaken by a snowdrift. Lying
down beside a hedge, she was complete
ly enveloped, and remained there until
the 10th of the month—a period of eight
days and eight nights. During the in
terval, one of the villagers is said to
have dreamed, on three different occa
sions, that a hare was to be found at a
certain spot at the roadside near the
village. Immediately alter the last oc
casion, he resolved to go and see ; and,
on doing so, he discovered a handker
chief in a hole in the snow ; and on fur
ther search, to his amazement, Mrs.
Woodcock. She was- conveyed, in full
possession of her faculties, to her fami
ly and friends, who had given her up
for lost. She said she had a distinct
recollection of hearing the village bell*
chiming for the church service, on the
day after that on which she was in
wrapped in what she believed was to be
her winding-sheet; and equally good
was her hearing on the morning of the
day on which she was rescued, when,
on the bells again chiming, she recog
nized tliem. About thirty or forty year*
ago, a monument commemorative of the
event, with an inscription stating the
particulars, was erected on the spot;
and persons are said to be still living in
the village who remember having seen
Mrs. Woodcock.— Chambers' Journal
The Coroner’s jury heard the evidence,
examined the body and then returned a
verdict of death from exhaustion. The
unfortunate man had been trying to
start anew paper in Brooklyn.
To dbead no eye and to respect no
tongue is the great prerogative of inno
cence.
SUBSCRIPTION—SI.SD.
NUMBER 37.
PLEA SAXTHIES.
A cool swindle : Collecting the ice
bill twice.
Inquirer : Where is the best place to
learn to sing? The deseit.
“ I occasionally drop into poetry,”
as the man said when he fell into the
editorial waste-basket.
The difference betwen a hungry man
and a glutton is: “ One longs to eat
and the other eats too long.”
It was a good thing for the whalers
when Jonah blubbered in the marine
monster that took him in. That blub
ber has made the fortune of thousands.
Somebody has figured out that Van
derbilt’s income would allow him to, in
one day, visit B,OJO circuses, eat 10,000
pints of peanuts, and drink 5,000 glasses
of lemonade.
The late Thomas Hood, driving in the
country one day, observed a notice be
side a fence, “Beware the Dog.” There
not being any signs of a dog, Hood
wrote on the board, “War be the
Dog?”
Brown says he hates inquisitive peo
ple, and the worst kind of inquisitive
ness, he thinks, is that exhibited by the
man who stops him in the street and
wants to know when ho is going to pay
that little bib.
“What is a junction, nurse?” asked
a 7-year old fairy at a railway platform.
“A junction, my dear,” answered the
nurse, with the air of a very superior
person, indeed, “why, it’s a place where
two roads separate. ”
A Syracuse man made a bet of SSO
that he could find six women in that oity
who would marry him, and he woe it.
Now he’s ready to give the SSO to any
body who will show him the way to get
out of six engagements.
“What a beautiful sight!” exclaimed
Mrs. Jones, rapturously, as she looked
out over the beautiful scenery from a
Pennsylvania railroad car. “ Yes,” re
plied Jones, without raising his eyes
from his paper, “anthracite.”
A finely-dressed lady sapped and
fell, and the gentleman who assisted her
to her feet inquired : “ Did you break
any bones, madam ?” ‘ * No. I guess
not,” she replied; “ but I’m just as mad
as if I had broken a dozen of ’em I”
Said one fellow to another, “ If I waa
fn flat-footed as you are, I would not be
afraid of slipping on the sidewalk.”
“ Yes,” was the response, “some people
are flat on one end and some on anoth
er.” The first chap looked thoughtful
and went down the street.
Old Mr. and Mrs. Smiler were look
ing at the comet from their chamber
window. ‘‘No, Mollie, no; that cannot
be the comet of 1813, the appendage is
so much largsr.” “ But, my dear Hor -
ace, the comet was younger then. •
They retired in silence.
“There’s too much horse-racing at
your agricultural fairs,” remarked Par
son Jones to the Secretary of the county
society. “I should like to know, sir, what
horse-racing has to do with agricult
ure?'’ “Well, parson,” replied the
Secretary, with a pleasant smile, “noth
ing, perhaps; or, at least, no more than
church lotteries have to do with the
speading of the gospel.” Parson Jones
law the point, and changed the conver
sation immediately.
H*n £ lies a man whosft •—Own was wob
By blowing iu an empty gun.
No sooner in the gun he blew
Than r*p the golden stairs he flew.
Aiid met the girl, on heaven’s green,
Who lit the tire with kerosene.
He also saw astride a stool,
The man who tampered with a muia,
He also saw—’twas mighty sore—
The man who whistled “ Pinafore.*'
And further on the miner cove
Who thawed h;s powder in the stove.
HOW LARGE HATS WERE INTRODUCED.
A long-eared bat
Went to buy a bat
Bald the hatter, “ I’ve none that will do,
Unless with the shears
T shorten your ears,
Which might be unpleasant to yon.”
The long-eared bat
Was so mad at that
He flew over lands and sea=,
Till in Pans (renowned
For it fa-hions) he found
A hat that he wore with great eaaat
During a dearth of Dews in a Western
newsp iper office, the office cat was
jammed in the job press, aud the editor
immediately set up the following head
lines :
Dreadful Accident !
NINE LIVES LOBT !
The United States is, so to speak, the
pig-pen and pork barrel of the world \
of the 80,000,000 swine in the civilized
■world 34,000,000 are to be found in
America. During the year ending June
SO, 1880, we sent abroad $£1,000,900
worth of pork, lard and bacon.