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GfMIDCm SBDtLQS , HOT Tlf|ES. Jimmie Hay. one bright young men of the Times, who “covers" the White House and usually travels with President Taft, was sent to Beverly when the presi dent went to the summer capital. There was not much doing and the managing editor wired Jimmie to come back, thinking he would be of more use in Washington. One of Hay's associates on the pa lter. who has the office reputation of being very close-fisted, thought to have some fun with Jimmie and tele graphed him: "Welcome back to our fair city. Temperature is 104 at the Kiosk today." Whereupon Jimmie replied: “It must he hotter than that in Washington to melt the price of a telegram off your roll."—Saturday Evening Post. NATURALLY. She —I saw a handsome picture of Mr. Rockefeller the other day. He —Oil, 1 suppose. Up-to-Date Mythology. EaJd Cerebus to Pandora: "What's In your bandbox flat!” Said Pandora to Cerebus: "A chanticleer bat!” Louis Wain’s Cats. Here Is a good story of Louis Wain *—the well-known artist whose draw ings of cats are world-wide in their reputation. He strolled into a variety theater one night, and was introduced to a man there. Casually his friend remarked that this was Louis Wain, whose cats were so famous. The man, after studying his pro gram, turned suddenly to Mr. Wain, remarking: "And what time, sir, does your cat turn come along here? I don’t see It mentioned in the pro gram ! ” Stopped the Confab. The honeymoon had disappeared be hind a domestic cloud. "Was there any fool in love with you before I married you?” he de manded angrily. “Yes, one,” she answered. “Well,” he snapped, "I'm sorry you rejected him.” “But I didn't reject him,” she .re joined. "He married me.” Looking Ahead. Somekins—DeVine Is doing all he can to make his prospective married life inexpensive. Lymans—What is he doing special ly? Somekins —Encouraging his fiancee to buy all the clothes she can coax her father to pay for. Proper Name. “Why do you call that a still?” ask ed the innocent youth who had wan dered into the mountains of Tennes see. “Because,” explained the moonshin er, “we have to work it on the quiet.” THE DIFFERENCE. "Jones is a newspaper- man, isn’t he?” “No. He’s a journalist. He touches you for a loan every time he meets you.” What Might Happen. False puffs are harmless. Just suppose The pretty dears Should want to wear an extra nose Or se\en ears. The Fountain Sealed. Chief —Tell me, sir, why have you so utterly failed to get a clew to this crime? Detective —'Tain’t my fault The re porters are down on me, an' they won’t tell me nothing! What Did He Mean? "John, did my summer at the sea shore cost too much?” “It cost a whole lot, dear, but it was worth it.” THE BILL CERM. I know that money carries germs, For I have often seen The evidence that full confirms This sordid fact and mean. Indeed. I've felt the awful truth. And suffered from the crash That often rises from the truth That there be genus In cash, I loved a maiden sweet and fair, I loved her deeply, too; All golden was her bonny hair. Her eyes were wond'rous blue. She promised one day to be mine My own beloved wife. To tinge with Joyousness divine The dark ways of my life. And then a bunch of money came— Alas, that It should be! And she I'd thought to bear my name Turned chilly unto me. And ere the summer days had sped My heart was sorely hit— That fickle maiden skipped and wed The gerrn that came with It! —John Kendrick Bangs, In Puck. Weather and the Man. Hear the man! What does he say so vociferously? He says: "I don’t like this summer. It keeps a fellow ualf roasted all the time. I like the cold weather when the air puts new life into a man. It’s the good old winter for mine every time!" Have you seen the man before? Yes; last winter. What did the man say then? He said: “Hang this cold weather! It keeps a fellow half frozen all the time. I like warm weather, when the winds are soft and balmy. It’s the good old summer for mine every time!” Strange, isn't it?—Puck. After-Dinner Walks. The tramp was bolting the meal provided by the kind-hearted house wife. “1 think you’d greatly Improve your health if you practised Fletcherlsm," commented the lady, good-naturedly. " ’Tain’t necessary, ma’am," said the tramp between mouthfuls; “you see, I keeps me appetite so healthy practis in’ Westonism.”—Puck. As indicated. Professor—To what class of mala dies does insomnia belong? Bright Student—Why—er—insomnia Is a contagious disease. Professor —Where did you learn that? Bright Student —From experience. When my neighbor’s dog can't sleep at night I can’t either. WANTED TO KNOW, Higgs—l had been In Boston only two days when I had a terrible chill. Hoggs—What was the girl's name? Happy Porker. One little pig went to market. And how happily he did squeal! For, you see, this porker was worth ten plunks And rode In an automobile. Not Always Necessary. A prominent lawyer's wife had fads about hygiene sleeping. She once asked her husband: “Is it better to lie on the right side or on the other?” He answered, absently: “My dear, when one is on the right side it gen erally is not necessary to do much lying.’'—lndex. English as She Is Spoke. A girl who is considered as belong ing to the high-brow crowd was the ob ject of a serenade the other night, and in telling a friend about it said: “I don’t think there is nothing more nicer than to be woken up at night with vocal singing.”—Alma Signal. Wasn't Sorely Tried. “Speaking of patience,” remarked the suburbanite, “Job’s wasn’t so great.” “How do you figure that out?” queried the innocent bystander. “His next-door neighbor didn’t own a phonograph,” explained the other. Mud Flats. “Yes,” said the Chicago man who had been down the Mississippi, “you have some fine swimming holes around St. Louis.” “Then you took a dip?” spoke up the St. Louis man. "And what did you do after enjoying a good swim in the broad Mississippi?" "I went home and took a bath.” The Inevitable. “What a discontented expression Mrs. de Woozy wears.” “Yes, she worries all the time —and unhappily the cause of her worry continually increases." “Poor woman! What does sbf, worry about?” “Growing old.” I AN EXCUSE FOR EACH. Mother (severely) How many ! strawberries have you eaten out of j this basket, Ethel? Ethel—Only two. One to see how it tasted, and the other to take the taste out of my mouth. Puzzled by Wireless. “Mistah Jenkins," asked an old ne gro of Atlanta of his employer, “would yo’ be so good, sah, as to ex plain to me 'bout this wireless tele graph business I hears ’em-a-talkiug ’bout?" “Why, certainly, Henry," responded the employer, “though 1 can do so only In a general way, as I myself know little of the subject. The thing con sists in sending messages through the air instead of over wires.* “\ r assah,” said Henry. “I knows 'bout dat; but, sah, what beats me is how dey fasten the air to the poles!" A PERMANENT CURE. No Sign of Kidney Trouble for Over a Year. Mrs. C. J- Becker, 38 Chestnut Sq., Jamaica Plains, Boston, Mass., says: ”1 was a physical wreck. I could not have walked a block had my life de- J®-. pended upon it. The kidney se **9 cretions were in - V terrible condi tion and I bloat ed badly. I wished for JlL' 'V> Mr'll death. 1 learned of Doan's Kid hey Pills and as began their use. Gradually I Im proved until at last I was well. Over a year has now elapsed and not a sign •of kidney trouble has api»eared. I give Doan's Kidney Pills credit for saving my life.” ■Remember the name—Doan's. For sale by all dealers. f»0 cents a box. Foster-Wilburn Co.. Buffalo, N. Y. Which Do You Like Worst 7 This is the greatest known way for undecided people to make up their minds. None but a strong-minded woman can ever decide which of two or three hats she likes “the best,” particularly if they are all comely. Popular belles have been known to have similar troubles with their sweethearts. Which do I like best is often a momentous question. Why not try (he other way? Decide which, of men, or hats, or attractive “dates” you like the worst, and then proceed to eliminate. From there you can factor out In the grade of desirability, until you actually find yourself at a decision, because it, whatever it is, is the only one left. The process is delightfully simple. African Logic. Dusky Driver (ushering ladies from steamer) —Y'eß. marm —dis way, inarm; ca’iage to de hotel. First Lady (hesitating at 6tep)— And what will you charge? D. D. —One dollar, macm. Second Lady—Half a dollar apiece, when the hotel is barely a block away ? Why, we’d just as lief D. D. (interrupting)—-Would you jest as lief go In de hotel Vus? Dey charges a quarter. Ladies (in chorus) —Just as lief. D. I), (with flourish) —Den step right into de ca’ige, marm, an’ I’ll take yu fer de same as de bus —dey is some folks prefers de ca'ige and I has to charge accordin’! —Virginia Vintage. Science and Cheese. A medical authority kindly assures us that as long as cheese isn’t de cayed It will not affect the health of the consumer. This is a fact that we have suspected for a considerable time. But how is the ordinary cheese epicure to detect the difference —un- less he waits for results? There is cheese so thoroughly dis guised in the costume and aroma of decay that its proper standing on the sanitary testing table would puzzle a conjuror. For Instance, there is the brand known as limburger. But why pursue this subject? For COLIM and GRIP nicks’ Capudine is the best remedy—re- ; lie vets the aching and feverishness—cures the Cold and restores normal conditions. It’s liquid—effects immediatly. 10c., 25c., and 50c. At drug stores. Power of a Magnet. A steel horseshoe magnet can hold in suspension a weight up to twenty times Its own. You Lo ok P rematurely Old Because of those ugly, grizzly, gray hairs. Use “LA CREOLE” HAIR RESTORER. PRICE, SI.OO. retail. SOCIETY LADIES READ THIS You Will Find Thij Letter From Mrs. Baker, of Floral, Very Interesting. Floral, Ark. —“Until a month ago,” writes Mrs. Viola Baker, of this place, “I was in very bad health. I was so weak and nervous that I was unable to do my housework. I tried Cardul, according to directions, and now I am in good health and recommend your medicine to all my friends. I gave Cardul to three of my friends to try, and they all say it helped them.” Society and household cares make nervous, weak women, who suffer great pain and misery, much of which can be avoided by taking Cardul. Worry and overwork act on your nerves like rust on metal, and they simply go to pieces. You can’t always | make rusty metal bright again, and ; sometimes you can't get your nerves straightened out again, so better be gin before the trouble goes too deep. For half a century, Cardui has been used with benefit, by sick women, thousands of whom have written, tell ing of the good results obtained, j Doesn't this mean something to you? Benefit by others’ experience. Car ; dui will help you. Try it. Ask your druggist about Cardui. j N. B —Write to: Ladies' Advisory Dept., ! Chattanooga Medicine Co., Chattanooga, i Tonn., for Special Instructions , and 64- ; book, "Home Treatment for Wom en," sent In plain wrapper on request. PAGE FROM ANCIENT HISTORY Incident of Hannibal's Career That Writers Appear to Have Overlooked. Hannibal and his staff were pacing merrily over the Alps on their faithful war elephants. Suddenly n man with a I ttn badge and chin whiskers rushed into the roadway and held up his hand. “You stop right where you be!” he cried. “Why should I stop?" thun dered the great Carthaginian as his mahout hooked the elephant’s ear. “You’re exceedin' the speed limit,” re plied the man with (he star. “An’ I'm a duly appointed constable, by heck." Hannibal was so overcome by this amusing holdup that he lossed a bag of gazoollans to the officer and laugh ing hysterically rode away. Later on, however, his indignation uppercut his sense of humor, and he proceeded to slain the life out of the Roman con suls and their picked veterans, forc ing the fighting to the very gate of shuddering Rome. —Boston Traveler. NO HEALTHY SKIN LEFT "My 111Uc son. a boy of five, broke out with an Itching rash. Three doc tors prescribed for him, but he kept getting worse until we could not dress him any more. They finally advised me to try a certain medical college, but its treatment did no good. At the time I was induced to try Cuti cura he was so bad that I had to cut his hair off and put the Cutlcura Oint ment on h im on bandages, as it was impossible to touch him with the bare hand. There was uot •re square inch of skin on his whole body that was ! not affected. He was one hr ss of sores. The bandages used to stick'o his skin and in removing them it used to take the skin off with them, and the screams from the poor child were heartbreaking. I began to think that he would never get well, but after the second application of Cuticura Oint ment I began to see signs of improve ment, and with the third and fourth applications the sores commenced to dry up. His skin peeled off twenty j times, but it finally yielded to the | treatment. Now I can say that he is entirely cured, and a stronger and healthier boy you never saw than he is to-day. twelve years or more since the cure was effected. Robert Wattam, 1148 Forty-eighth St., Chicago, 111., Oct. 9, 1909.” The Explanation. Old Podkins lay back In his chair in calm content, and though his wife was quite near him he was happy, for she had not broken the silence for nearly five minutes. He had been married for five-and twenty long years, and Mrs. Podkins, almost daily during 24 of them, had disturbed the domestic peace by a too full exercise of her tongue. “My dear,” broke in Mrs. P , thinking it time she said something to interrupt the quiet, “l see by the pa pers that a petrified jaw two yards long has been found in Cornwall.” “What!” cried Podkins, starting up. “Now I know your secret. But you never told me your ancestors came from that part of the world!” I TO DRIVE OUT MALARIA AND lit I LI) IF THE SYSTEM Take the Old Btandard GROVB’B TASTKLKS3 CHILL TONIC. You know wliat you aro taking. The formula is plainly printed on every bottle, showing it is simply Quinine and Iron In a taste less form. The Ouinlne drives out the malaria and tne Iron builds up the system. Sold by all dealers for 3U years. Price 50 cents. Woman's sphere now seems to be the whole earth. IN THEIR GOWNS. Papa—That was the supreme court of the United States w© just came out of. Tommy (aged seven) —Gee, pop! dere wasn’t anybody dere but a lot of bearded old women dressed in black. In a Hurry. It was Anna’s first visit at the sea side. She was only a little girl, and very enthusiastic over the long-looked for opportunity to go into the water. They came too late the previous day for a dip in the surf, so Anna was up early, and as she put on her bath ing suit while the rest, were at break fast some one questioned her as to her haste. “Well, you see,” replied the thought ful child, “I want to hurry and go in before so many people get in and get the water cold.” The Effects. “I have come to you, my friend, for comfort. My best girl has treated me very badly. I was trying to explain something to her, but she gave me such sharp looks they cut me to the heart; she withered tne with her scorn, crushed me with her cold ness and stabbed me with her keen edged tongue.” “See here, man, you oughtn't to come to me for comfort; what you need is to go to a hospital for treat ment .” SPOHN’S DISTEMPER Cl RE will cure any possible ease of DISTEMPER, PINK EYE, and the like among horses of all ages, and prevents all others in the same stable from having the disease. Also cures chicken cholera, and dog distemper. Any good druggist can supply you, or send to mfrs. 50 cents and SI.OO a bottle. Agents wanted. Free book. Spohn Medical Co., Spec. Contagious Diseases, Goshen, Ind. Made Sure of Death. A student of a school in Shinshu, Japan, recently committed suicide by Jumping into the crater of Asama yama. The tragedy was not discovered until three days afterward, when some documents left by the suicide near the crater were picked tip. Bermuda Onion Seed. Direct from Teneriffe. We are head quarters. Write for prices. John A. Salzer Seed Co., La Crosse, Wis. Increase of Commerce. The commerce of the port of New York has had a growth of 62 per cent, in the last ten years. For IIFADAOHF. -Hicks’ <\\l’t'DlM! Whether from Coldn, Heat, Htomach or Nervous Troubles, Capudine will relieve you. It's liquid—pleasant to take acts immedi ately. Try it. 10c., 25c., and 60 cents at drug stores. Truth is a structure reared on the battlefield of contending forces. —Dr. Winchell. Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup for Children tej f hlng, softens the gums, reduces inflamma tion, allays pain, cures wind colic, 25c. a bottle. Too much staiegy can tangle itself more than it can fool others. tHE Famous I Jllllfllji • Once .a., Ray<» user, always one ‘j, A* The Rayo Lamp is a high grade lamp, *old at a price. I There are lamps that com more, but there is no better lamp j* at any I price. Constructed of f> Id brass: nickel plated—easily kej £?an: an ■ ornament to any room in ;,!) v house. There is nothing known ndfl of lamp-making that can add U, the value of the HA YO 1 .amdJW giving device. Kvery dealer eve.’where If not at yours, descriptive circular to the nearest rk'L.’ of the STANDARD OIL COMPANY rorporated) .1 i THE STEADY WHITE J WGHT® WINTERSMITriI Oldest and Best Tonic; for Malaria and Debilijl Jw •ygrra A splendid general tonfc; 40 years* success. ContH 83 J M BBT no arsenic or other poisons. Unlike quinine, it Ie i g§ ysj Ba no bad effects. Take no substitute. Kg f&p giS book of puzzles sent to any add IK SSI Hi fgf AIITIICR FKTKA A CO., 6«»’l jl- InILL tom BfllA 1 AXLE GREAfI mkgm HE 18 Mu Keeps the spindle brighSj Ira Bf JB iree from grit. Try alt B R HH gg Egg bold by everywneM if I H jm STANDARD OIL f B ™ ™ ™ ™ (Incorporated) MUNYON'S RHEUMATISM Has (in ed C I I D CT thousands LUll L. and if con cure-you. Relieves from tlic first. All Druggists, 25 c Insomnia “I have been using Cascarets for In somnia, with which I have been afflicted for twenty years, and I can say that Cas carets have given me more relief than any other remedy I have ever tried. I shaft certainly recommend them to my friend* as being all that they are represented.’* Thos. Gillard, Elgin, 111. Pleasant, F*alatable, Potent, Taste Good* Do Good. Never Sicken.iWeaken or Gripe 10c, 25c, 50c. Never sold in bulk. The gen uine tablet stamped CC C. Guaranteed to cure or your money back. 324 W. L. DOUGLAS H/ PROCES3 E ° SHOES METTS $2.00, $2.50, $3.00, $3.50, $4.00, $5.00 WOMEN'S $2.50, $3,53.50, $4 / v BOYS’ $2.00,52.50 &,$3.00 / &V THE STANDARD f Wr FOR 30 YEARS EU/iw, W.- They sre absolutely the E|sj most popularaudbestshoes t j fK/f for the price in America. I jSWT They are the leaders every where because they hold . !. their shape, fit better, dKtifoyiCr /L. look bettei and wear lon- jR y ' f /SIW ger than other makes. |f They are positively the -"PSW moat economical shoes for you to bay. W. E» Douglas name and the retail price are stamped on the bottom value guaranteed. TAKE NO SUBSTITUTE! If yonr dealer cannot supply you write for Mail Order Catalog. W. L. DOUGLAS. Brockton, Muc un> hi Bi Send postal for 0B Sk bi la Free Package I IE n Kbz of Paxtine. Better and more economical tban liquid antiseptics FOB ALL TOILET USES. pssriNE I TOILET ANTISEPTIC Give* one a sweet breath; clean, white, germ-free teeth —antiseptically deaa mouth and throat —purifies the breath after smoking—dispels all disagreeable per spiration and body odors — rnuf.h ap preciated by dainty women. A quick remedy for sore eyes and catarrh. 9 A little Paxtine powder <&- «o!ved in a glas» of hot water make: a delightful antiseptic so lution, possessing extrnordinuß cleansing, germicidal and ing power, and absolutely ItJraj] lest. Try a Sample. SjCEj large box at druggifit oltSfK The Paxton Toilet Co., BoeTONpiSp^] Try murine eye remedit For Red, Weak, Weary, Watery Eye* and ■! j GRANULATED EYELIDS .8.1 MurineDoesn’t Smart—Soothes Eye Paiti Droygut* Sell Mount Eye Remedy, Liquid, 25c, Sdc». Murine Eye Salve, in Aseptic Tubes, 25c. EYE BOOKS AND ADVICE FREE BY MAH MurineEveßemedvCo-ChicngH GET A SAW MILLB from Lombard Iron Works, Auguswl ta, Ga. Make money tawing neigklH bor’a timber when gin engine it after the crops are laid by. siFH liioatpson’s EyeWai® '.V. r.‘ U, ATLANTA. NO.