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Qood Jokes WAR A LA MODE. The Intrepid general was rallying her wavering female troops. "Women," she cried, “will you give way to mannish fears?” A muffled murmur of Indecision ran through the ranks. “Shall it be said that we are clothed In mail armour?” shrieked the gen eral. The murmur became a mumble. “Will you,” fiercely demanded the general, "show the white feather In a season when feathers are not being worp V * The effect was electrical. "Never!” roared the soldiery. And, forming themselves fast into battle array, they once more hurled them selves upon the enemy. An Optimist. Young Son (to mother, who has just been invited to join the Optimistic Club of America) —Mamma, dear, what Is an optimist? Fond Mother—An optimist, my son, is a poor woman who lives In a mil llon-dollar mansion, keeps one hundred servants or more, has two or three agents who do nothing but hunt up some new way for her to spend her Income, and can, in spite of all this, look into the future with a sweet smile and a brave heart. —Clarke’s Book Herald. HIS PROGRESS. He—Has Ferdy proposed to Grace Yet? She —No; she says he’s only pro gressed far enough to sit and stare at her. The Wise Maid. A lot of men have family trees. And of them loudly rant; But I would rather wed a man Who has a business plant. ► 4 Very Romantic. Gunner —Some romantic writer con tends that this is the season married men are blessed with loving post- Iscripts at the end of the letters they receive from their wives. Guyer—l would like to shake that writer's hand. You should see the loving postscripts I receive from my wife. Gunner —Ah! Something very ro jmantic, eh? Guyer—l should say so; "Feed the cat and w’ater the plants." Across the Hall. "Say, Snibbs, let me use your I'phone, will you?” "Sure. What’s the matter with yours?” "It’s all right. I want to telephone to my wife that I’m going to bring a ’man from out cf .o-'n to dinner.” "Well?” "He’s sitting In my room now and I hate to have him watch my face when my wife tells me what she thinks of the proposition." CHEEKY. Miss Charmin—You’ve a good mind to kiss me? Well, I must say I ad mire your cheek! Fargorn—And I like yours. That’s why I've a good mind to kiss you. Wasted Effort. What’s the use to worry? If poverty's a disaster Growling will not hurry Fortune any faster. How He Departed. "Norah, you told Mr. Spoonamore I Was not at home, did you?” "I did, Miss Cairpenter.” "And I suppose he left in a towering Indignation?” "No, mem; he left in an ortymobile.” Providing. "Don’t you believe In allowing every man to follow his own bent?” "Well, not if crooked.” , INDIAN SUMMER. In the mellow Indian summer Lie the meadows calm and still. Smiling as the peaceful plumber When you settle up his bill. Just about the middle distance There’s a mule devouring hay: Doesn’t seem to want assistance. So you’d better keep away. Far above with wing that quickens Floats a hawk of piercing eye While he scans the ground for chickens That the farmer wants to fry. In the thicket hides the rabbit. Shy as any startled fawn; If you have the hunting habit You can gamble he is on. In the woods are reds and yellows Blazing every way you turn. Soon, I think, these farmer fellows Will have autumn leaves to burn. Rare and radiant Indian summer On the blue hills far away. Here or there, you are a hummer. So we wish that you would stay. Strenuous Maid. The fresh drummer approached the old farmer who was sitting on an up turned tub sunning himself. "Deuced pretty daughter you have,” said the drummer, boldly. “Where has she been during the past year?” "Up in a town college learning thlS here physical .culture,” responded the old man. "And has it been of an£ service to her?” “I should say so, stranger. She has done up six chicken thieves, tossed four tramps out of the yard and made two sassy hired men run for their lives. She also makes a specialty of doing up fresh drummers, so I would advise you to move on.” And the fresh drummer moved. One Use for Them. Postmistress —Then you like those town nieces to send you those new fangled souvenir postal cards made out of leather? Uncle Weatherby—By heck, yes; I ain’t so ; .uch on sentimental cyards, but when they are made out of leather they come in handy to mend boots with. Waste. * Dorothy was visiting her grandpar ents in the country for the first time. Seeing a quantity of feathers scat tered about the henyard she shook her head in disapproval. "Grandpa,” she said, gravely, “you really ought to do something to keep your chickens from wearing out so." —The Delineator. NIGHT IN MERMANVILLE. Mrs. Mermaid —Did you put out the catfish? Mr. Mermaid —Yes, but if that dog fish doesn't quit his baying at the moonflsh I’ll never get any sleep. Rises to the Occasion. It's when the couhtry’s all agog With politics, and statesmen full. That each small criticising soul Feels certain that he knows It aIL A Correction. "Now, Caroline,’’ said the teacher of the infant class in a certain Sunday school, "it’s your turn. What does your little card say?” Caroline climbed off her chair and stood looking earnestly at the teacher while she explained: "My card is wrong, Miss Appleton. It zays, 'Watch and pray,’ and It should say, ‘Watch and chain.’ ” —Life. Method In Her Breakage. "Augusta is an awfully bright girl, isn’t she?” “Yes, indeed. When she is read ing a novel on the front porch her mother never thinks of asking her to wash the dishes.” “Why not?” “She’s sure to break so many of them.” . Ideal and Real. “Oh, Peter, what have you been do ing? Didn’t you promise me faithful ly that you would be a good boy?” “Yes, mother, but something always happens to prevent me.”—Fliegende Bfaetter. One Man’s Knowledge. "As the poet says,” remarked the garrulous barber, "art is long.” ”1 guess the poet was right,” re joined the victim in the chair. “Any way, the tonsorial art seems to be long-winded.” Not Always. "All is not gold that glitters,” quoted the moralizer. “No,” rejoined the demoralizer, "and neither is about 95 per cent, of what is estimated as gold in a mlnjng prospectus.” What About Him? The talk had gone back and fro, and the youthful socialist had been an nouncing that no man ought to get his living by cheating, and we all listened to him, and agreed that it was dread ful when men and women did not tell the truth, but tried to make their liv ing by deceiving people. Millionaires, landowners, financiers, we sacrificed all of them who cheat the public. “No one should make a living by decep tion,” said the young man. Then a quiet voice from a woman came from the corner of the sofa. "What about the conjurer?”—London Chronicle. AWFUL BURNING ITCH CURED IN A DAY “In the middle of the night of March JOth I woke up with a burning itch in my two hands and I felt as if I could pull them apart In the morning the itching had gone to my chest and dur ing that day it spread all over my body. I was red and raw from the top of my head to the soles of my feet and I was in continual agony from the itching. I could neither lie down nor sit up. I happened to see about Cuti cura Remedies, and I thought I would give them a trial. I took a good bath with the Cutlcura Soap and used the Cuticura Ointment I put It on from my head down to my feet and then |<vent to bed. On the first of April I felt like a new man. The itching was felmost gone. I continued with the Cuticura Soap and Cuticura Ointment and during that day the itching com pletely left me. Frank Gridley, 325 East 43rd Street, New York City, Apr. 27, 1909.” Cuticura Remedies are sold throughout the' world; Potter Drug & Chem. Corp., Sole Props, Boston, Mass. Getting a Reputation. There is a desk in the senate par ticularly convenient as a place from which to make speeches. It Is next to the aisle and almost in the center of I the chamber, and affords an opportu nity for the speaker to make every | body hear. At least a dozen senators, accord ing to the Washington correspondent ! of the St. Louis Star, have borrowed I this desk when they had special utter | ances to deliver to the senate. This j led, not long ago, to a mild protest Horn its legitimate occupant “I am perfectly willing to give up my desk,” said he. “but I am afraid people will think that the same man Is talking all the time. I don't want ! to get the reputation of constantly j jailing the senate with words." — ! Youth’s Companion. The Key to Germany. Capt. Charles King, the author, : praised, at the Milwaukee club, the German element in Milwaukee's pop ulation. “I know a soldier,” said Captain King, “who met the kaiser last year in Berlin. “ ‘You have a thorough knowledge of our best thought and customs,’ said the kaiser. ‘Have you ever been to Germany before?’ “ ‘O, yes, sir,’ said the soldier. “ ’What cities have you visited? Ber lin and Hamburg?’ asked the kaiser. “ ‘No, sir,’ said the soldier. ‘Mil waukee.’ ” Free Cure for Rheumatism and Bone Pains. Botanic Blood Balm (B B. B.) cures the worst cases of rheumatism, bone pains, swollen muscles and joints, by purifying the blood and destroying the uric acid in the blood. Thousands of cases cured by B. B. B. after all other treatments failed. Brice SI.OO per large pottle at drug stores, with complete direc tions. Large sample free by writing Blood Balm Go., Atlanta, Ga., Department B. Lovemaking and Practice. The only way to become an expert at lovemaking is to practice. This was the information handed out to a j handful of hearers by the Hindu phil- I osopher, Sakharam Ganesh Pandit, in a lecture on “The Science of Love.” “Love is a divine discontent,” said the philosopher, “and if you want to arouse love in others it can be done only by giving them love. How to develop the emotion of love in another is the great question of today—the art of making love. It needs a great deal | of study and a great deal of prac tice.” Mutual Expectations. A notoriously close-fisted man was taking his golfing holiday in Scotland, where he hoped to Improve his game, and, by driving a hard bargain, had managed to secure the exclusive serv ices of a first-class caddie, who was known to be a very good player. “Mind, now,” said the ambitious southerner, “I expect to receive some really good tips from you during my stay here, you understand?” “Aye,” replied the Scotsman, hitching up the heavy bag, ‘‘an’ Ah’m expectin’ the like frae ye, ye ken.” —Golf Illustrated. A good honest remedy for Rheumatism, Neuralgia and Sore Throat ia Hamlins Wizard Oil. Nothing will so quickly drive out all pain and inflammation. If you would be pungent, be brief; for it is with words as with sunbeams —the more they are condensed, the deeper they burn.—Southey. Hrs. Winslow’s Soothing Syrup for Children teething, softens the gums, reduces inflamma tion. allays pain, cares wind colic, 25c a bottle. A catalogue of vices never led any one into virtue. You Look Prematurely Old i jfcu:; u/i l mi ! HIS LIVELIHOOD AT STAKE Certainly Candidate for Governor Could Not Expect to Get That Vote. An Incident In which former Gov ernor Odell of New York figured as the victim was told by Col. James Hamilton Lewis at a recent banquet. “When Governor Odell was last running for office,” said Colonel Lew is, "there had been a great deal of talk about Niagara Falls and the elec trical power that could be conferred on all parts of New York. One day an old negro halted Mr. Odell and said: “ ‘Mr. Odell, is yo’ runnin’ for gov’- ner, sah?’ " ‘I am,’ answered the candidate. “‘I guess yo’ want my vote, den,’ said the colored man. ” ‘Well, I would like to have your vote, Zeb. I have known you for so many years.’ “ ‘Well, I jist want to ask you a question, Mr. Odell, befo’ I give mah vote to you. Are yo’ for electric lights in dis town?’ “Well, Zeb, I am for all modem im provements,’ said Odell, with a slight flourish. “ ‘Well, sah, I can’t vote for you,’ said Zeb with firmness. ‘Yo’ done for get dat I is a lamp lighter.’ ” f &°r T'/ss&fz' 77* r°J77T. 7'7Z 72R°V7>uZJ 7 CC&2V 7 C°7Z£C'Z'l'M# 7°Jt 7*7* oJIG'WJV (?J?/ND7'R 7/7' His Defense. It was shortly after midnight, and the colonel had caught Rastus red handed. “Well, Rastus, you old rascal, you,” said he, “I’ve caught you at last. What are you doing in my henhouse?” “Why, Marse Bill,” said the old man, “I —I done heerd such a cacklin’ in dis yare coop, dat I—l thought mebbe de ole hen done gon iay an aig, an’ I —l wanted ter git it fo’ you’ breakfas’ while it was fresh, suh.” —Harper’s Weekly. TRY MURINE EYE REMEDY for Red, Weak, Weary, Watery Eyes andGranulatedEyelids. Murine Doesn’t Smart —Soothes Eye Pain. Druggists Sell Murine Eye Remedy, Liquid 25c, 50c, SI.OO. Murine Eye Salve in Aseptic Tubes, 25c, SI.OO. Eye Books and Eye Advice Free by Mail. Murine Eye Remedy Co., Chicago. “Off Day” of Favorite. Chapley—How did she happen to refuse you; I thought you were her favorite? Washley—Well, the favorite didn’t win, that’s all. The Exception. "Doesn’t your husband like cats, Mrs. Blnks?” “No, Indeed. He hates all cats ex cept a little kitty they have at his club.” For COLDS find GRIP Hicks’ Capudine is the best remedy—re lieves the aching and feverishness—cures the Cold and restores normal conditions. It’s liquid—effects lmmediatly. 10c., 25c., and 60c. At drug stores. They who talk much of dying are usually dead already. Weak Heart yr Many people suffer from weak hearts. They may experi m tth |pMEk ence shortness of breath on exertion, pain over the heart, ■ or dizzy feelings, oppressed breathing after meals or their m ' M eyes become blurred, their heart is not sufficiently strong y 0 pump blood to the extremities, and they have cold hands V and feet, or poor appetite because of weakened blood supply to the stomach. A heart tonic and alterative should be taken which has no bad after-effect. Such is Dr. Pierce’s Golden ■gj Medical Discovery, which contains no dangerous narcotics nor alcohol. The ingredients, as attested under oath, are Stone mot (Codlnsonla Canaden als), Dloodroot ( Sanrulnarla Canadensis), Golden Seal root (Hydrastis Canaden sis), Queen’s root ( Stllllorla Sylvatlca), Black Cherrybark (Pruoui Virginians ), Mandrake root (Podophyllum Peltatum), with triple refined glycerine, prepared In a scientific laboratory in a way that no druggist could imitate. This tonio contains no alcohol to shrink up the red blood corpuscles ; but, on the other hand, it increases their number and they become round and healthy. It helps the human system in the constant manufacture of rich, red blood. It helps the stomach to assimilate or take up the proper elements from the food, thereby helping digestion and curing dyspepsia, heart-bnrn and many uncom fortable symptoms, stops excessive tissue waste in convalescence from fevers; for the run-down, ansemic, thin-blooded people, the “ Discovery ” is refreshing and vitalizing. Stick to thii safe and sane remedy, and refuse all ‘ ‘ just as good ” medicines offered by the druggist who is looking for a larger profit. Nothing but Dr. Pieroe’s Golden Medical Discovery will do you half as much good. PUTNAM FADELESS DYES Color more goodi brighter and loiter colors then any other dye. One 10c packege colore all libers. They dye In cold water better than any other dye You eon dye any garment without ripping apart. Writ# lor Iraa bogklot-How tg Dya. Bleach and Mia Colors. MONROE DRUB 00., Quincy, ////«,?/•. A Hot Time. “That fellow cooked his reports.” "I suppose that is how he happened to get into a stew.” Some people treat the sermon as a table d’hote dinner, picking out the things that will not agree with them NOT A PENNY TO PAY MUNYON’S EMINENT DOCTORS AT YOUR SERVICE FREE We sweep away all doctor’s charges. We put the best medical talent within everybody’s reach. We encourage everyone who ails or thinks he ails to find out exactly what his state of health is. You can get our remedies here, at your drug store, or not at all, as you prefer; there is positively no charge for examination. Professor Munyon has prepared specifics for nearly every disease, which are sent prepaid on receipt of price, and sold by all druggists. Send to-day for a copy of our medical examination blank and Guide to Health, which we will mail you promptly, and if you will answer all the questions, returning blank to us, our doctors will carefully diagnose your case and advise you fully, without a penny charge. Address Munyon’s Doctors, Munyon’s Laboratories, 53d & Jefferson Streets, Philadelphia, Pa. Mrs. Cook Says “There is not much pleasure in life,” writes Mrs. J. J D. Cook, of Crane, Mo., if one has to be sick all the time. I So many women suffer from girlhood on, all through life, I who could be spared such suffering, and live in comfort, I if they would only try Cardui, the woman’s tonic, as 1 did. I 1 was only 16 years old when I first took Cardui. Now, I am 39. Whenever I was poorly or felt real bad, Cardui always brought me out all right. 1 have faith in it. I know what it has done for me, and I have seen what it has done for others.” The Woman’s Tonic Nearly everybody knows what Cardui will do for weak j women. For more than 50 years, it has been in success- | ful use in the treatment of women’s ills. Thousands of enthusiastic, truthful, unbiased women have written to tell of the help this remedy has been to I them. Do you still hesitate to take Cardui for your I troubles? If so, why? Read what others say, and at ! least give it a trial. It may be just what you need. W. L. DOUGLAS/^ *3 ’3S & »S 4 SHOES &°wom!n k - _ Boys* Shoes, $2.00,42.50 & $3.00. Best in the World. lip W. L. Oouplaa 53.00. $3.80 and $4.00 ahoaa .< / WJaf are poahlvely the beet made and meat pop - ii ufmr mhoea tor the price In America , and are [yj the moat economical aboaa for you 10 buy . : Do you realize that my shoe* have been the standard for over JT 80 years, that I make and Hell more #3.00, 83.50 ami #4.00 J l shoes than any other manufacturer In the U. 8., and that DOL- '--UJ EAR FOR DOLLAR, I GUARANTEE MY SHOES to hold tlielr yk shape, look and fit better,and wear longer t ban any other #3.00, JEIL 53./S0 or #4.00 a hoe* you run huv ? Oualltv counts. It has ■/ \j\ HvttV made my shoo* THE LEADERS OF THE WORLD, J You will be pleased when you buy my shoes because of the fit and appearance, and when it comes time for you to pur- f * rf w / * chase another pair, you will be more than pleased because Douolas the last ones wore so well, and gave you so much comfort r > / .shoe Co CAUTION! name And price damped on the bottom. TAKE NO SUBSTITUTE If your dealer cannot supply yon with W. L. Douglas Shoes, write for Mail Order Catalog W. L. IM>l txLAS. 145 Spark fcireet, Uruckton, Mass. fThe Rayo Lamp is a hijjh grade lamp, sold at a low price. There are lamps that cost more, but therel s no better lamp made at any pneo. Constructed of Bolld brass; nickel plated—east ly kept clean; an ornament to any room In any house. There 1 s nothing known to the art of lamp-making that can add to the value of the KAYO Lamp as a light giving device. Every dealer everywhere. If not at yours, write tot descriptive circular to the nearest agency of tho STANDARD OIL COMPANY (Inc.rporat.d) r ” DISTEMPER * *** ***& & Catarrhal Fever „_.? aro<ru U. al y! po ?l** Te pre-entire. no matter how horror .t *n— rtrpe aro Infected ~!' ? U <l 'K. l *•» T" lh ,? * c, neuo i act* on the Blood and Glandr: expelr the .2!?| « bodT ' C urr5 >’ l »temper In Doer and Sheep and Cholera In e-.EAT* 1* Te L”** r ? n ’ ( '" r ™ L. Grippe amonk human being, and Ira One Kidney rem„lX. s<>c md *1 a bottle, fft and •Tda doeeS. Cutthl.o™ 11 '“ "Birtemper. SPOHN MEDICAL CO., B C ,»IX GOSHEN, HID., U. S. A. ROOSEVELTS OWN BOOK ‘•African Game Trails’* Wanted 1 by thousands for Christina* Jew Years. Needed 1 A man in every place icfimjia it to tho families in his locality. Offered 1 Monop oly of fi» ld and high Commission. Take the great chance and write for prospectus now to CHARLES SCRIBNER’S SONS. 153 (R. S.) Fifth Avenue. New York. BM. SABEL & SONS, | ■ LOl ISVII LK, it. 11l I la]rW M Dralent la Furs, Hides, B| n R VkWool. KutsbJisbed 1950. gj Qgg | NEW MADRID SEED CORN Specially neleoted, extra clean and pure. Both white and yellow. Put up in even weight sacks. Car Lots a Specialty. Jaspar Newsuin & Co„ New Madrid. Mo. W. N. U., ATLANTA, NO. 45-1910.