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■k CLERICAL SLIPS. the best-known bishops has a , BBo.\cellt nt clerical stories at his 4 .. Hfe although It is seldom that ■F friends are fa *Pwith them. Here are one or i & tertaln preacher, discoursing upon sßunyan and his work, caused a titter Among his hearers by exclaiming: “In these days, my brethren, we want more Bunyans.” Another clergyman, pleading ear nestly with his parishioners for the construction of a cemetery for their parish, asked them to consider “the deplorable condition of 30,000 Chris tian Englishmen living without Chris tian burial.” i Still more curious was Ihe clerical slip: A gentleman said to the minister: "When do you expect to see Deacon S. again?” , "Never,” said the reverend gentle !man, solemnly; “the deacon is in heaven.” —Tit-Bits. AT WEST POINT. —My friend, where are the Officers’ quarters? F Orderly—Don’t think they have any. All I’ve ever seen of theirs has been (nickels! . Catching. «1 rn that all his Ilfs i sleepy spasm, oticed that he lived rning chasm. ar Resemblance. ;se lantern decoration is .very pretty, Isn't it?” “Very. Reminds me of the Downs' trial.” “Will you please tell me how on 'earth a Chinese lantern decoration can remind you of the Downs’ trial?” "Well, are not both hanging fire?” The Farmer. The day Is over. The world Is fed. And the farmer sleeps On his feather bed. Waiting. Mr. Spottsley—Have you called yet on your new neighbor, Mrs. Nearlie? Mrs. Spottsley—No, not yet; I’m waiting to learn the days she’s not at borne. A Bad Risk. "I’d like an accident policy for my wife.” "Certainly,” said the agent “About $5,000. I suppose?” “Tes, that will do, but In strict can dor I feel that 1 ought to say that my wife wears a hobble skirt.” "Nothing doing,” put in the agent hastily. "Our company won’t take aviators or hobbled women. They’re bad risks.” Proven. "You can’t write poetry.” “But I’ve sold several poems to the taiagazines.” “Well, that proves what I say.” t APPEAL FOR MERCY. O Vppqp Pr 3 Judge—Have you anything to say why sentence should not be passed on you? Bigamist—Just think of my fami lies, judge. Wanted One Arm Free. Patience —Peggy says she’d rather go riding with a man in a buggy than in an automobile. Doesn’t that Bound -illy? Patrice—No; it doesn’t. “Why doesn’t it?” “Because Peggy knows a man can't drive an automobile with one hand.” r~ Yonkers Statesman. TROUBLE GOES A-VISITING. When Trouble came to our house And knocked upon the door. We didn’t limp to let him In And say: “We're sick and poor. And down and out and don’t know what To do.” Instead of that. We put on such a breezy style It nearly knocked him flat! Old Trouble safd: “No place for me— I’m in the wrong pew here: When so much hopefulness I sea It fills my heart with fear. I’ll try somebody else’s house Where everybody's blue And where they say: ‘We’re sick and sad And don’t know what to do!’ “ Towser's Loss. "Hello, old chap,” greeted the crowd at the club. “Back from your hunting trip. Bag anything?” “No.” responded Chappy Badshot, wearily. "Well, no wonder. You are a back number. The idea of going hunting with a tailless pointer.” "Oh, don't blame poor Beppo! He had a tail when he started.” A Hurry Call. The political boss of a small west ern city drove his buckboard at top sped down the main street on the morning of an election. “Hey, Johnnie!” he yelled to his son, “git down in the Fourth ward, quick! There’s people down there votin’ as they blame please.”—Suc cess. Waiting for Him. "Yes, mum,” said Poetic Pete, as he twined an autumn leaf through his buttonhole, "I am a great lover of the romantic. I stopped at dis gate be cause I saw de sign ‘ldlewood.’ ” ■•You did?” approved the house wife. '"Well there Is a lot of idle wood down at the woodpile. Just take this ax t.nd split up half a cord.” “Up In the Air.” Bill —Russia has appropriated near ly $1,000,000 for a complete army aero plane equipment, the largest sum ex pended for the purpose by any gov ernment. Jill—Well, when it comes to talking of war, Russia nearly always is the first country to go up in the air.— Yonkers Statesman. NO CHANCE FOR A MISTAKE. Prosecuting Attorney—You are will ing to swear that it was the prisoner at the bar who fired the fatal shot? Witness —Yes, yer honor, I could not be mistaken! There was only six teen fellers shooting at the time, so I could easy keep track of them! Now. Without halting. Without stopping. Go and do your Christmas shopping. Couldn’t Understand It. “This stock.” said the promoter, “is fully paid up and nonassessable." “Well, if it’s fully paid up," re plied the man who was inexperienced in such matters, ”1 can’t see why you want me to put money into it. Wouldn’t that bo unfair to the people who paid it up?” Taking No Chances. "Will you be my wife?” "I won”: answer that till we get ashore. The last time I promised in a canoe to mafby a man he upset the canoe and nearly drowned me." When We Part. The careless, indifferent person says, “So long.” The affected persons says, "Au re voir.” The theatrical person says, "Fare well.” The giddy person says, "Ta, ta.” The slovenly persons says, “Goo’* bye.” The sincere persons says, "Good bye.” Less Than Skin and Bones. Ashley—Berkley was nothing but skin and bones when he went to the seashore last summer to recuperate. Seymour—Well, did his sojourn in crease his weight? Ashley—No, sir; It lessened his weight; he get sunburned and lost his skin.” > Putting Them Up. "Do you know anything about pu> ing up hammocks?” "Sure! I used to work in a depart ment store.” “And what has that to do with it?” “We raised the hammocks every spring.” A GENEROUS OFFER If you know beyond a doubt that “Digestit,” the new relief for stom achs. would relieve indigestion and cure dyspepsia, you would not hesi tate to buy a 50c package today. Just to prove to you the unusual merit of this new remedy we will send you a full size 50c package on receipt of 10c to pay mailing cost—or if your Druggist has "Digestit” in stock we will send you an order on him for a full size 50c package free. Get a package and take two or three tab lets after meals—repeat the dose in half an hour in obstinate cases. Then you w T ill know its merits. Address W. L. Brown Company, Box J, Jackson, Miss. A LINGERER. The Eldest Daughter—lf Harry had lived in the old days he’d have made a good knight. Her father —I don't know much about that —but it takes him a long time to say 'good night' now. SAVED OLD LADY’S HAIR “My mother used to have a very bad humor on her head which the doctors called an eczema, and for it I had two different doctors. Her head -was very sp-e and her hair nearly all fell out 1 pite of ‘what they both did. One .y her niece came in and they were I speaking of how her hair was falling out and the doctors did it no good. She says, ‘Aunt, why don't you try Cuticura Soap and Cuticura Oint ment?’ Mother did and they helped her. In six months’ time the itching, burning and scalding of her head was over and her hair began growing. To day she feels much in debt to Cuti cura Soap and Ointment for the fine head of hair she has for an old lady of seventy-four. “My own case was an eczema in my feet. As soon as the cold weather came my feet would Itch and burn and then they would crack open and bleed. Then I thought I would flee to my mother’s friends, Cuticura Soap and Cuticura Ointment. I did for four or five winters, and now my feet are as smooth as any one’s. Ellsworth Dun ham, Hiram, Me., Sept. 30, 1909.” What World Lost? “It was the worst calamity that ever happened to me,” sighed the pale, in tellectual, high browed young woman. “I had written a modern society nov el, complete to the last chapter, and a careless servant girl gathered the sheets of the manuscript from the floor, where the wind had blown them, and used them to start a fire In the grate.” “What a burning shame that was!” commented Mrs. Tartan. Sense of Taste. From a series of experiments re cently made at the University of Kan sas it is evident that the average per son can taste the bitter of quinine when one part is dissolved in 52,000 parts of water. Salt was detected in water when one part to 640 of the liquid was used. Sugar could be tast ed in 228 parts of water and common soda in 48. In nearly all cases women could detect a smaller quantity than men. His Means. "You are charged with vagrancy, prisoner at the bar.” "What’s dat, Judge?” "Vagrancy? Why, you have no visi ble means of support.” "Huh! Heah’s mah wife, judge; Mary, is you visible?” TO DRIVE OCT MAU RIA AND BUILD I P THE SYSTEM Take the Old Standard GROVE'S TASTJsLBSS CHILL TONIC. You know what you are taking. The formula is plainly printed on every bottle, showing It is simply (Quinine and Iron In a taste less form. The Quinine driven out the malaria and the Iron builds up the system. Bold by all dealers for bO years. Price 50 cents Chambermaid Repartee. First Chambermaid —Look! You let your pillow slip. Second Chambermaid —No; the cov erlet it. —Exchange. Some wise philosopher once re marked that we live in thoughts, not years. This is especially true of wom en after they pass thirty. Mrs. Winslow’s Sootning Syrup for Children teething, softens the gums, reduces inflamma tion, allays pain, cures wind colic, 25c a bottle. Roumania has 6,000,000 inhabitants, of whom 30,000 are blind. ' We could all live on nothing if our friends would live on less. You Look Prematurely Old Because of those ugly, grizzly, gray hairs. Uss “LA CREOLE" HAIR RESTORER. PRICE, SI.OO, retail. MAN WHO HELPS HIS BROTHER His “Boys” Call Him the "General Ad viser Without Pay”—He Is Partial to None. When a man loves to live he usual ly can go among men who care little whether they live or not and do good. Such a man is Augustus E. Vaughan, immaculate of dress and of heart ven erable in years and usefulness, whom one may see almost any day either on Boston Common or at the Young Men’s Christian Union. Hf£ specialty Is helping his fallen and discouraged brother, whether he be a cigarette smoking boy or a rum sodden and disheartened derelict of a man. His creed is cheerfulness and his passion is books. Often one may see him. tall and straight, faultlessly attired in a frock coat, with his flowing white beard and his long and carefully trimmed white locks, standing with or sitting beside some ragged and unkempt victim of circumstances who has sought the only place where the police will not tell him to move on, the Common, and then one is sure to be struck by the contrast. Many a man he has met there has later become as clean of body and heart as himself, and all through his Infectious good nature and brotherly comraderie. Among the younger men with whom this old young man of 75 unceasingly labors he is known as “the general adviser without pay,” and he is as in terested in their ambitions as they can be, and so youthful is he in their presence that he is always one of them. Mr. Vaughan Is not engaged in ac tive business this summer, but he comes to Boston every day, rain or shine, to talk with his “boys,” as he calls them. Some of these have never before known a real friend. He is highly educated, and counts among his friends many college presidents and professors. He was born in Middleboro, nearly seventy-five years ago, and traces his lineage back to Peregrine White of Mayflower fame. “I love to live,” said he to me, “and I want to help ‘the boys’ to enjoy liv ing, too.” Tribute to Painter’s Skill. One of the still life paintings by Jan van Huysen in the museum at The Hague was recently injured, but it is believed the perpetrator was neither vandal nor thief. The picture represents a basket of fruit on which a number of insects have gathered. On a pale yellow ap ple, which is the centerpiece in the cluster of fruit, is a large fly, painted so true to nature, so say the officials of the gallery, that the canvas was injured by some one who endeavored to "shoo” it and brought his cane or hand too close to the canvas. “A tribute to the painter’s genius,” says the letter recording the fact, “for which the work had to suffer.” Progress in Railroading. “Yes," said the lady whose dress case is covered with strange foreign labels, “the way railroads run now labels, "the way railroads are run now adays Is a great Improvement over what they were 50 years ago.” "But surely you had no experience as a traveler 50 years ago,” says her friend. “I don’t mean that. But nowadays, don’t you notice, when there is a wreck it is always had at some point conveni ent to a cluster of farm houses where the victims can go for coffee and to get warm?” Asking Too Much. - “The count has promised that he will never beat or kick me if I will marry him,” said the beautiful heiress. "But has he promised to work for you?” her father asked. “Oh, papa, don’t be unreasonable.” Free Blood Cure. If you have pimples, offensive eruptions, old sores, cancer, itching, scratching eczema, suppurating swellings, bone pains, hot skin, or if your blood is thin or im pure, then Botanic Blood Balm (B.B.B.) will heal every sore, stop all itching and make the blood pure and rich. Cures after all else fails. SI.OO per large bottle at drug stores. Sample free by writing Block Balm Co., Atlanta. Ga., Department B. Steal a march-on your enemy by ad mitting you were in the wrong before he finds it out. For IIEARACHR—IIIrks* CAPfTIHNB Whether from Colds, Heat, Stomach or Nervous Troubles, Capudlne will relieve you. It’s liquid—pleasant to take—acts immedi ately. Try it. 10c., 25c., and 50 cents at drug stores. Many a woman is single from choice —the choice made by a man who chose another. No matter how long your neck may be or how sore your throat, Hamlins Wizard Oil will cure it surely and quickly. It drives out all soreness and inflammation. There is no playing fast and loose with truth, in any game, without growing the worse for it.—Dickens. Dr. Pierce’s Pellets, small, sugar-coated, easy to take as candy, regulate and invig orate stomach, liver and bowels and cure constipation. People avoid him because they are afraid of his tongue. Itch Cared In 30 Minutes by YVoolford’s SanltaryLotion.Never fails. At druggists. But you can’t he sued for nonpay ment of a debt of gratitude. VC-r -5 .. ~ r. of-tsrf&zr. X. mrlrr / lfciilHliiMU.il ALCOHOL-3 PER CENT AVege table Preparation for As similating Ihe Food and Regula ting the Stomachs and Bowels of ,Intan tsXhildrin Promotes Digestion,Cheerful ness and Rest Con tains neither Opium .Morphine nor Mineral Not Narcotic R«ipr if Old DrSAMVEIfm/TS/t Pumpkin Seed - j4lx Senna * \ Per he lie Softs Anii* St(J - Peppermint - \ BiCnrlen m U Sedrs •' i Warm Seed q f rS„JS*f.r J nwkrfretn A/tivor ' A perfect Remedy for Constipa tion , Sour Stomach,Diarrhoea Worms .Convulsions .Feverish ness and LOSS OF SLEEP Fac Simile Signature of The Centaur Company,') NEW YORK. ,<ytb months old * 35 Dosis JjCV!N I S (guaranteed under_the Foodaii<| Exact Copy of Wrapper. the Famous % l Rasfo * Lamp w Once ilVyo us rt ,\lw ■» y v one* A The Rayo Lamp is a high grade lamp, sold at a low priced Th#*r« are lamps t hat cost more, but there Is no better lamp made at anjT price. Constructed of solid brass; nickel plated—easily kept clean; an ornament to any room In any house. There Is nothing known to the ari l of lamp-making that cun add to the value of the KAYO Lamp as a light giving device. Every dealer everywhere. If not at yours, writa fof descriptive circular to the nearest agency of the f STANDARD OIL COMPANY (Incorporated) EUREKA ' Harness imniircft soft as a glove HARNESS B-S A I I Sold by Doaloro Everywhere STANDARD OIL COMPANY ’ ■ Bn (Incorporated) OXIDINE —a bottle proves. does this so quickly and surely that it stands alone among malaria medicines as a perfect cure. It drives out Chills and Fever, and then begins its tonic action, rebuilding and revitalizing the entire system. The tonic body-building properties of OXIDINE make it the most effectual of all remedies for dis orders of Liver, Kidneys, Stomach and Bowels when these organs are failing in their functions. If you want to cure malaria, get OXIDINE. If you are weak, get OXIDINE and be strong. 50c. At Your Druggists PATTON-WORSHAM DRUG CO., Mfrs., Dallas, Texas J Household Lubricant % THE ALL-AROUND OIL IN THE HANDY, EVER-READY TIN OILER Is specially selected for any need In the home. Saves tools from rusting. Can can not break. Does not gum or become rancid. ■ STANDARD OIL COMPANY Befllfl Enqwhin (Incorporated, CASTORIA For Infants and Children. The Kind You Have Always Bought Bears the As A, Signature AAv « ffl a Jrv In (tr Usß For Over Thirty Years niu Twt OSNTAUR OONMNY, R*W YORK OfTT. Shaking! Aching!! Shivering!!! Quivering!!!! r I ’HAT’S malaria. Malaria is murderous. It kills the vital powers. To cure malaria you must do more than stop the shaking and aching. You must stamp out the last spark of dis ease and put back into the body the strength and vigor that dis ease has destroyed.