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H? WAS SCARED OUT OF A WIFE
t- ■ ■ -*•
The narrative which 1 am about to write
was tohl to me one bleak cold night, in a
country parlor. It was one of these cold
nights ni raid whiter, when the wind swept
over the land, making everything tingle
with its frosty breath, that I was seated
before a blazing fir*, surrounded by n jolly
half dozen boys and an old bachelor, a Pe
ter Cirgcn, about forty and eight years old.
It was just the night without to make
those within enjoy a good story, so each of
us had to tell his favorite story, save Mr.
Green, aud he was a jolly story-teller, we
were somewhat surprised to hear him say.
‘* 1 have no story that would interest you,’’
so we had to find other entertainments for
awhile, when one of the hoys told mo to
ask him how it happened that he never got
married. So 1 did.
“ Well, gentlemen.” he began, “it docs
not seem right for me to tell how that hap
pened, hilt as it is about myself. I don't
care much. You sec when 1 was young
we hud to walk ns far as live miles to
church and singing school, which was our
chief enjoyment. Hut this don't have any
thing to do with my not getting u wife, hut
just wanted to show you that we had some
trouble them days in getting our sport.
“ .John Smith and I were like brothers,
or like ‘Mary and her lamb.’ Where one
went the other was sure to go. So we
went to see two sisters, and as we were not
the best boys imaginable, the old gentle
man took umbrage and would not allow us
to come near the house, so we would take
the girls to the end of the lane, and there
we would have to take the final kiss.
“ Wo soon got tired of this sort of fun,
and I told .John, on our way to singing
school one night, that 1 was going to take
Sadie home, and that 1 was going into the
house too. Ho said the old man would
ruin me if I did.
“ I told him I was going to risk it any
how, let come what would, lie said lie
would risk it if I would.
“So home wo went with the girls. When
we got to the end of the lane I told the
girls we proposed going all the way.
“ They looked at each other in a way I
didn't like too well, but said they (the old
folks) would be in bod, so they didn't care
if wc did. They were a little more sur
prised when 1 told them wc thought of
going in a little while, hut all was quiet
when wo got to the house, so we had no
trouble in getting into the kitchen. Then
and there we had onr first court, and 1
made up my mind to ask Sadie to be my
wife the next time 1 came.
“ It was now past the turn of the night,
and as we had four miles to walk, I told
.John wo ha<l better be going. So we.step
ped out on the porch, but just then the
sky was lit up by the lightning, and one
tremendous thunder peal rolled along the
mountain sides. Its echo had not died
away in the far off vales until the rain be
gan to pour from the garnered fullness of
the clouds. We waited for it to stop un
til we were all sleepy, when the girls said
we could go to bed in the little room at the
head of stairs which led out of the kitchen,
as their father did not get up early wo
could be at home before the old folks were
astir. So after bidding the girls a sweet
good night, and hugging them a little, and
wishing them pleasant dreams, nml prom
ising them to come on the next Sunday
night, we started to bed.
u We didn't have far to go, as the bed
stood near the head of the stairs. John
was soon in bed, but was always a little
slow and full of curiosity, 1 was looking
around the little room.
‘‘At last I thought I would sit down on
a chest, which was spread over with a nice
white cloth, while I drew off my boots.
So down I sat, when, stars of the east! 1
went plump into a custard pie !
“1 thought John would die laughing,
for he said I smashed that custard all to
thunder and the plate right in two. You
see we had to be awful quiet, so the old
man would not hear.
“•I was now ready to pet into bed, so I
put the light out and picked up my boots
thinking to put them in a more convenient
place, when down one of my legs went
through a pipe hole which had been cov
ered by paper, up to my hip.
Now one part of me was up stairs
while the longest part of me was in the
kitchen. As my log was very long, it
reached a shelf which was occupied by
do lies, pans, coffee pots, etc., and turning
it over with a tremendous crash.
“The girls had not retired, and we
couiit^} ear them laugh lit to split their
sides. awfully ashamed, and was
scared until, heart was in my throat,
for 1 expected tlie-old man every moment.
“ I extricated the confounded
hole just in time, for tho old lady looked
into the kitchen from the room door and
usTmUIhTTI all tlifuG . ise was about. The
girls put her off as they could and I
went to bed, while Uohn was strangling
himself under the cover to keep from
laughing aloud.
“We soon went ofl* into the land of
dreams with the hope of waking early. 1
wish I could tell you my dreams, but it
would he too long. One moment I would
fancy myself by the side of my Sadie, sip
ing nectar from her heaven-bedewed lips,
and the next I would be Hying from the
old man, while he would be flourishing his
cane above my head. This came to an end
by John giving me a kick.
“On waking up and looking around, 1
saw John's eyes as big ns my fist, while
the sun was beaming in at the window.
“ What to do we couldn’t tell, for we
heard the old man having family prayer in
the kitchen.
“John looked out of the window and
saiil we could get down over the porch.
“ Get out and dress as soon as possible,
said lie.
“ So in my hurry my foot got fastened in
the bed clothes, and out I tumbled, head
foremost, turned over, and down the steps
until I struck the door, which was fastened
by a wooden button, and it gave way, out
I rolled in front of the old man. He threw
up his hands and cried—
“ ‘ Lord save us !' for he thought it was
the devil.
“The old lady screamed until j’ou could
have heard her a mile, I was so scared and
bewildered that I could not get up at once.
It was warm weather and I didn't have on
anything but a—well, one garment.
“ When I heard the girls snickering it
made me mad, and I jumped up and rushed
out of the door, leaving the greater part of
my only garment on the old door latch.
“(Ml I started for the barn, and when
half way through the yard the dogs set up
a howl and wont for me.
“ When 1 got into the barnyard 1 had to
run through a Hock of sheep, and among
them was an old ram who backed oil’ a lit
tle and started for me. With one bound 1
escaped bis blow, sprang into the barn,
and began to climb up the logs into the
mow. when a: old mother hen pounced
upon my legs, picking them until they
bled.
“ 1 threw myself upon the hay, and after
John hud slid clown the porch into a hogs
head of rain water, he came to mo with
one of my boots, my coat, and one of the
legs of my pants. He found me complete
ly prostrated. Part of my shirt, iny hat.
one leg of my pants, my vest, stockings,
necktie and one boot, were left behind.
“ I vowed then and there that I would
never go to see another girl, and I’ll die be
fore 1 will.”
Wlinl’s a Boy I,ike ?
Like a waq>, like a sprite,
Like a goose, like an eel,
Like atop, like a kite,
Like an owl, like a wheel,
Like the wind, like a snail,
Like a knife, like a crow,
Like a thorn, like a flail,
Like a hawk, like a doe.
Like the sea, like a weed,
Like a watch, like the sun,
Like a cloud, like a seed,
Like a book, like a gun.
Like a smile, like a tree,
Like a lamb, like the moon,
Like a bud, like a bee,
Like a burr, like a tune.
Like a colt, like a whip,
hike a mouse, like a mill,
Like a bell, like a ship,
Like a jay, like a rill.
Like a shower, like a cat,
Like a frog, like a jay,
Like a ball, like a bat,
Most of all—like a boy.
A ISoslon Ito.v on Hciim.
The Boston Cornier prints the following
“ boy's composition * k Ileus is curious
animals. They don't have no nose, nor
no teeth, nor no enrs. They swaller their
wittles whole and chew it up in their crops
inside of 'em. The outside of liens is gen
erally put inter pillers and made inter
leather dusters. The inside of a hen is
sometimes filled up with marbles, and
shirt-buttons and sieh. A hen is very
much smaller than a good many other ani
mals, but they’ll dig up more tomato
plants than anything that ain't a ben.
liens is very useful to lay eggs for plum
pudding. Bet your life I like plum-pud
ding. Skinny Hates eat so much plum
pudding once that it set him inter the col
lery. Hens lias got wings, and can tly
when they are seart. i cut ray Uncle
William's lien's neck off with a hatchet
and it seart her to death. Hens sometimes
make very fine spring chickens.”
Printer* in tlie xt Senate.
'fhe next senate will contain ten old-time
printers, namely, Messrs. Cameron—the
sly old dog—Antnony, Ingalls. Sargent,
M est. Hamlin. Blaine, Hawes, Patterson,
and Plumb, just elected from Kansas.
There is not a Democrat among them, and
take them together we cannot conscienti
ously say that the art preservative is to be
congratulated on her senatorial representa
tives.
Hoe 1 the gardening season is at hand.
TO THE MOI TH.
AN Oise By MAHTIN tK HCJUHAR TITI’K*.
Froi,> the Charleston Xewt and Courier.
The following ode “To The South was
written last evening by the distinguished
author, and handed to us for publication.
We take much pleasure in presenting it to
our readers as the frank testimony of an
accomplished Englishman to the 'facts of
the past, and the truths of our present con
dition. Happy would it be for the South
if other gifted writers of “ England and the
North’’ who come among us had tlie same
magnanimity and impartiality as lias influ
enced Mr. Tupper in penning these lines:
The woiM twin riiisjiulgi'il. mlntruatxil, malign'd you,
Anil xhntlld lie quick to make turnout amend*;
Let iih. then, ]n*nk of you juat aa we find you,
Jlumtily and heartily, remain* and friends;
Let us remember your wrongs aud your trials,
Slandered and plundered, and crushed to the dust,
Draining adversity's bitterest vials,
Patient iu com-age and Htivng in pood trust.
Von fmipht tor Liberty—rather than Slavery 1
Well miglil you wish to be quit of that ill,
Hut you were sold to political knavery,
Mesh'd by diplomacy's spider-like skill;
And you rejoice to see slavery banished,
While the free servant works well as before,
Confident, though many fortunes have vanished,
Soon to recover all—rich us of yore !
Doubtless there had been some hardships aud cruel
ties.
Cases exceptional, evil and rare,
But to tell the truth—and truly tie jewel 'tin—
Kindliness ruled—as a rule—ev'rywhere !
Servants—if slaves— I were your wealth and inheritance,
Horn with your children and grown on your ground,
And it was quite as much int'rest as merit hence
Still to make friends of dependents all round.
Yes. it is slander to say you oppress'd tlu-m.
Does a man squander the prize of his pelt ?
Was it not often that he who possess'd them
Hntlicr was owned by bis servants himself?
Caring for all, as in health, so in sicknesses,
lb' was their father, their patriarch chief,
Age's infirmities, infancy’s weaknesses,
Leaning on him for repose and relief.
When you went forth in ynurplnck and your bravery,
Selling for freedom Isdli fortunes and lives,
When* was that prophecied outburst of slavery,
Wreaking revenge on your children and wives?
.Nowhere! You left all to servile safe-keeping,
And this was faithful and true to your trust;
Master and servant thus mutually reaping
Double reward of the good and the just!
Generous Southerners ! T who address you
Shared with too many belief in your sins;
Blit 1 recant it—thus—let me confess you—
Knowledge is victor and everyw here wins ;
For I have seen, 1 have heard, and am sure of it,
You have been suffering long ;
Paying all slavery's cost, aud the cure of it,
Ami the Great World sUaTT repent o? ifs wrong -t*.
Charleston, February 8, 1877.
Hart County Directory.
COI'NTY OFFICKUB.
Ordinary —Fred. ('. Stephenson.
Vlerk Superior Court —C. A. Webb.
Sheriff —.1. Robert M \ ors,
Tax Feeder r —M. Thornton.
Tax Collector —James K Johnson,
Treararer —J. (). Bobo.
Surveyor —Allen S. Turner,
Coroner —K. Phillips.
School Com mi ssione r —(’has. W. Seidel.
TOWN OFFICKHB.
Mayor —John Peek.
Secretary anil Treasurer —W. 11. Stephenson.
Councilinen —K. IS. lien son, James W. Williams,
W. 11. Stephenson, K. H. Sunders, W. R. Stephenson
Hart County iielijiiomi Directory.
MKTHOmST.
Rev. W. P. Smith. Pastor.
Tlethesda —lst Sabbath in each Month.
HarhreU—'i ml “ and Saturday before.
Ml. /ion —-2nd “ at 4 p. m.
Cukesbury —3rd Sabbath in eaeli month.
Provide nee —ttb “
Rev. John Qeillan, Pastor.
Fellowship — Sabbath in eaeli mouth.
linl wine-
Macedonia — “ at 4 p. in.
BAPTIST.
Rev. 11. M. B acton, Pastor.
Sardis— lst Sabbath and Saturday before, monthly.
Hartwell —4th “ “ 41 " “
Rev. J. T. W, Veunox, Pastor.
Milltown —2d Sabbath and Saturday before, monthly.
llev. I . W. Stephens. Pastor.
Hendry's —2d Sabbath and Saturday before, monthly.
Rev. James 11. McMcllkn. Pastor.
Line —Urd Sabbath and Saturday before, monthly.
Feed Creek —4tb “ 4 4 4 4 44
Rev. T. 11. (loss. Pastor.
Cross Loads —4tli SaldnUli and Saturday before.
Rev. John I>. A hams, Pastor.
Oannon's —2d Sabbath and Saturday before, monthly.
Rev. J. U. Kaklf. Pastor.
Sardis —2d Sabbath in eaeli month.
Rev. Thomas Crimes.
Shoal Creek —2d Sabbath and Saturday before, nto'ly.
PKKSB YTRRIA N.
Rev. John 11. Moktox. Pastor.
Pleasant Hill —Urd Sabbath in each month.
white ministers in the County, of every
denomination, are requested to send in their appoint
ments for publication. A’o charge whatever.
TO Hie H orklis (Tims—Weare now prepared
to furnish all classes with constant employment at
home the w hole of the time or for their spare moments.
Business new. liyrlit and profitable. Persons of either
sex easily earn from 50 cents to $5 per evening, and a
proportional sum by devoting: their whole time to the
business. Boys and girls earn nearly as much as men.
That all who see this notice may send tlieir address,
and test the business, we make this unparalleled offer:
To such as are not satisfied we will send one dollar
to pay for the trouble of writing. Full particulars,
samples worth several dollars to commence work on,
and a cony of Home and Fireside, one of the largest
and best Illustrated Publications, absent free by mail.
Reader, if you want permanent, profitable work ad
dress. Gkokck Stinson a. Cos., Portland. Maine. 23
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WHOLESALE AND RETAIL DEALERS IN
II A lx* I >\\ . YRE,
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COTTON , MANILLA AND JUTE RODE ,
C: rria ,T e and Saddlery Hardware, Felloes, Hubs, Spokes, Buggy Wheels, Axles,
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FAIRBANK S STANDARD SCALES,
WINSHIP HKD SAWYER’S CELEBRATED COTTON GINS,
Cider Mills, Syrup Mills and Evaporators, Watt Plows, Farmers’ Friend Plow, Pumps,
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HAIiTWELLHIGII SCHOOL.
I HE Spring Session for 1877 will open on Monday 29th of January, and con
tinue for Five Scholastic Months.
RATES OF TUITION PER SESSION OF FIVE MONTHS:
Fourth Clans—Spelling, Reading, Writing SIO.OO
Third Clu**—Arithmetic Grammar, Geography, ( Commenced) 15.00
Kerend Class- Higher English Branches 20.00
First Class—Classics, Higher Mathematic*, <tc 25.00
Contingent Ere per Session 1.00
Jlusic (Extra) 25.00
Tuition due at the close of the Session ; but if paid in advance, twenty
per cent will be deducted from the above rates.
Pupils, entering within two weeks of the opening, will pay fir the entire Session ;
those entering after that time will pay for the remainder of the Session.
No deduction made for absence, except in cases of sickness protracted for two
weeks or longer at a time.
Liberal deduction to Ministers of the Gospel of any sect.
Stud/ ,m* will be required to conform to strict rules of discipline* both in and
out of' WROoI. £
M. V. LOONEY,
MRS. A. B. LOONEY.
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