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The Carnesvi lle
VOb. XV1IL.
IN QUIET BAYS.
In quiet bays by storms unspent
I moor my boat with calm content,
I sought of yore tho deep, wide sea,
The tempest set my spirit free ;
I loved to matoh my puny power
With Nature in her stormiest hour.
But now I bring my little boat
In quiet bays, to drift and float
Idly upon the idle tide:
Tile sea for me is all too wide
I seek no more my spirit's mate,
The awful, wind-swept sea of fate.
—Charlotte Pendleton, in Lippineott,
EBEN.
BY EVELYN A. Kim
a / N the days beforo
-5P wj the established, railroads
were
- Ik ' 7 the arrival of the
coach was a mat-
M ter of much im-
gS pKy portance inhabitants to the f
& o
^ the little village
of Ivinhope, which waB situated within
fifty miles of Boston.
As the coach approached the village
this beautiful morning in May, it as¬
cended a long, steep hill, from the brow
of which could he seen the many hills
lying about, with the pretty wooded
valleys between ; and away off to the
right a mountain peak, which was
Mount Wachusett. Among the pas¬
sengers riding on top of the coach was
Eben Eames, and many, many years
after, when his last days were spent in
ft house not then built upon this very
hill, Eben recalled the bright anticipa¬
tions of this da}-.
Eben was going home after having
spent several years as an apprentice
with Cobbler Gore in Boston, while two
years of work in addition to the ap¬
prenticeship, in which he had been in¬
dustrious and saving, had enabled him
to lay by a little sum.
On leaving the coach Eben made his
way hurriedly to his home, where he
was received with a shout of welcome,
and turned about to be praised and ad¬
mired to his complete satisfaction.
After the exclamations had subsidod
somewhat, Eben said with a little em¬
barrassment :
“How—how is Molly?” an*
“An’ how should I know; go see
for yerself," said Eben’s mother good-
naturedly, understanding his impa¬
tience to see the girl who was so soon
to be his wife.
As Eben crossed the road, Molly saw
him coming, and with a first impulse
started to run down the garden path
to meet him. Then suddenly a feeling
of bashfulness coming over her, she
drew back into the house. With Eben’s
knock at the door, there came a young
woman with the fresh bloom of health
on her cheeks, and Eben felt almost
shy when he greeted Molly, she seemed
to him so lovely. When about to leave,
Eben said:
“An’ then it will be this day week,
Molly?” and Moll} - demurely answered:
“Yes.”
A week later a few neighbors, with
the immediately related families, were
present at the wedding of Molly and
Eben. From Molly’s home they went
to live on the main street of the vil¬
lage. There was a cosy house in the
rear, and a little shop in front, while a
big sign, with its gilt letters proclaim¬
ing to all passersby: “Eben Eames,
Shoemaker,” was next to Eben, the
pride of Molly’s heart.
These were happy days. Molly sing¬
ing about her work would stop now
and then to hear the rap-rap-tap-tap
of Eben’s hammer. When the stitch¬
ing began and all was still, the silence
oppressed her, and after listening at
the door to make sure no customers
were in, she would open tho door care¬
fully, tiptoeing up to Eben who sat
with his back toward her, when to his
great surprise a pair of hands would
cover his j?yes, and a sweet voice would
be sounding in his ears:
“Guess, Eben.”
Naturally Eben guessed correctly
after a few trials. This play came to
be looked forward to by the young
man, for it was not always presented
in the same way, Molly being a young
woman of resources.
But after a time Eben began to be
restless, the village was too small; he
could not earn money fast enough, and
he began to think of going to Boston,
when there came a rumor that a rail¬
road was to be built.
“Molly, when that railroad comes,
it will be a great day for us. I’ll
build a bigger shop and make shoes
enough to send to other towns, and
hire several men to work for me Oh,
Molly, then we’ll get rich. ”
“That would be well, Eben, but we
are happy now without riches,” she
would reply.
The railroad was begun. The tracks
were laid almost to the adjoining town
and Eben no longer restraining his
impatience, began to build his larger
shop, Molly said:
“I wouldn’t hurry, Eben You
know the proverb tells us ‘haste makes
waste Better wait another year.” the
Unheeding, Eben pushed on
work of building.
One day a stranger came into the
little shop; a fine-looking gentleman.
The new railroad naturally became a
topic for conversation.
“It will do great things for our vil-
Eben.
BiBL-— ■M., v i s*id the gentleman, “have
c J ard ? We have decided not |
Hk/of this place, but con- j
Bocksboro'. By the
/'enlarge your business? |
§oing up opposite. ”
Aoked some inarticulate reply, i
gauger ned to the left, cobbler, wondering but little what
f :
or caring what grief his words I
r .i wrought.
A few moments later MoUy came in
•h her usual light way, but meeting
oTeDponee asked:
CARNESV1LLK, FRANKLIN CO, KDNHSDAY, JUNE 21,. an
“Eben, what’s the matter of you?”
Then Eben, lifting his head, said
heavily, “Molly, I am ruined.”
“Ruined!”
“Yes. ruined. Mr. Simms, one
the head ones on the road, has just
been in, and said the road’ll not touch
this town. It is goin’ by on the other
side.”
Molly’s face blanchod, for she well
knew what this meant. Money nearly
spent 011 the larger shop, No one
would buy it. All their bright
dashed in a moment. Recovering
somewhat, she put her arms about
Eben, saying:
“Even so, Eben. We can begin
again and live as we have lived these
past few years You are btit twenty
eight now. ”
At last her sensible words and com¬
forting touch reached nim, and he
agreed to try to regain his cheerfulness.
A year passed. Molly saw with dis¬
may the change wrought in Ebon by
his misfortune. He was restless, long¬
ing to do something, to go somewhere;
irritable even, at times; so unlike the
gay, good-humored husband of other
days.
Molly feared, she scarcely knew
what, and when sittingat their evening
meal one evening, Eben said :
“I’ve made up my mind, Molly, to
leave this plaoe.”
She felt the blow had fallen.
“Well, Eben,” she answered quietly,
“when and where shall we go?”
Eben glanced down at his plate, not
liking to see a look of surprise and
pain, which he know would come to the
face of his wife, at the words he was
about to say.
“I’ve been thinkin’, Molly,” he said,
slowly, ‘ ‘as how you might stay on here
a while, an’ I’ll go to Boston first an’
see what I can do, an’ if I don’t find
the right la}- of the land, mebbe I’ll go
farther till i do. ”
“But Eben—” Molly remonstrated.
Eben did not wait for her to finish,
and continued:
“There’s a little money I’ll leave ye,
which will keep yo for a while, until I
find a place to settle; then I’ll send for
ye-”
“Yes, Eben,” said Molly, “the money
will keep me for a little while, but I
want to go with you. Do let me. Take
me with you. Oh, don’t leave me be¬
hind. I feel, Eben, as though we’d
both be sorry for it, if you don’t let
me go with you now. ”
As she clung to him, Eben almost
yielded tc her sweet persuasion, but
suddenly answered with determined
obstinacy.-
“No, Molly, I’m a-goin’first. ”
It was with a sad and heavy heart
that Molljr prepared Eben’s valise for
his journey. The next morning, as she
stood watching him going down the
road, Eben, fuming, saw her there and
for the instant his heart prompted him
to turn back, she looked so sorrowful,
and he thought of her words, “I feel
as though we’d both be sorry if you
don’t let me go. ” But he would not
give in to such feelings, and soon he
was on his way lost in bright hopes of
future success, when he and Molly
would be living in luxury.
When Eben disappeared, Molly went
in through the Bhop. There every¬
thing had been put away, and the shop
cleared of the shoemakers’ tools. It
looked so desolate as Molly took the
seat Eben used to occupy that her
self-control gave away and the sobs
came quick and hard. As the days
passed Molly often caught herself lis¬
tening for the sound of Eben’s ham¬
mer, but no such sound came to Molly
listening, waiting for years. No ac¬
customed sound came to the passerby
and in time the people came to the
little shop to buy the shining loaves of
bread which Molly baked.
It was a May day like the one when
Eben had come home and said, ‘ ‘This
day week, Molly, ” and Molly had so
sh 3 'ly answered “Yes." It was the
time of day when few customers came
in. In the back part of the shop or
store sat a woman about thirty-five
years old, still fair to look upon, hut
with an expression in her face which
told of anxiety and disappointment.
She did not notice the entrance of any
one, being so absorbed in the thought.
The memory ‘of another May was alive
still and she was living those early
days over again. Until a man’s voice
close to her aroused her, saying with¬
out further preface:
“Molly, I came for the answer.”
Molly looked up at him without ag¬
itation, but there camo no reply. It
seemed to her she could not speak.
The man continued:
“You know, Molly, Eben is dead,
for your last word from him that he
was dying with the fever, and James
brought you the news from the Cali¬
fornia mining camp five years ago.
Surely I have waited patiently for my
answer. What is it?”
And the reply in a voice was:
“I will go with you. I’ve waited
hoping against hope to hear again
from Eben, but I believe now that he
died at that time. ”
A few days later, a ceremony was
quietly performed at the parson’s, and
the shop was closed for Molly forever.
A chaise carried the two to a distant
town, which for many years became a
peaceful home for Molly. After these
ff uiet y ears had passed the man whom
AIoll y ^ad married died. His sickness
had been long, and the little money
which he had possessed had been spent,
enough being left to give him a
deeent urial.
So Molly was to go in her old age
back to Kinhope. As the carriage in
which she rode slowly ascended the
hill toward the comfortable looking
white farmhouse, from the brow of
which could be seen the hills lying
about, and the pretty valleys between,
with a mountain peak rising in the
distance at the right, an old, old man,
digging potatoes in the field, stopped
his work and looked at the carriage
coming up the road. While he had ;
been working he sighed often, and
there came to him the memory of a
young man in the springtime of youth,
and in tho spring time of the year go¬
ing home to claim a happy bride. It
was fall now, leaves decaying, frost
soon to come. When he looked at the
carriage turning into the driveway, he
thought: is this,
“What potir man or woman
w ho, like myself at tho end of life’s
journey, comes here to the town?” poorhouse,
to be taken care of by the
Ho did not sen who alighted, nor
hear the kind voice of the overseer’s
wife UBk an old Woman if the journey
had been bard. For this was the first
journey Molly had taken in tho train,
strangely enough. White,
The overseer’s wife, Mrs.
made her comfortable and then going
to Mr. White, said:
“How shall we tell old Ebon?”
“Oh,” her husband answered easily,
“we-will waif, and it will work about
itself. ”
Tho great bell rang for dinner.
Those of the inmates who were able to
work in the field left their labor and
after washing themselves, sat down to
the midday meal. Those who still pre¬
served any interest or curiosity con¬
cerning what passed on about them
eyed the new comer curiously. Eben
particularly felt himself looking again
and again. Not that he knew of ever
having seen her, hut he felt a pity that
had never before been experienced
when others bad come. Presently Mr.
White said 1
“Eben, how did the potatoes seem
in that patch this morning?"
At the name the woman gave a start
and looked at the old man addressed,
but as the man answered she turned
away again with a sigh, and the mo¬
mentary gleam of interest in her eyes
passed away. ended, Mrs. White
As the dinner
said to the old woman :
“Molly, if you are ready now, 3 •ou
may pare those apples for sauce.”
Eben went out saying to himself,
“Molly, Molly,” and all the afternoon
one could hear him muttering, ‘ ‘Molly,
Molly.” Mrs. White
During the afternoon
took the occasion to say.
“Molly, wasn’t your first husband's
name Eben Eames?”
As Molly answered: “Yes, it was ;
he has been dead these many years,”
one caught something of the old sweet¬
ness of tone, though it did quaver and
crack.
“Did you notice Mr. White spoke
to a man, calling him Eben?”
“Yes,” answered Molly, without
much interest. ,
“This man once lived in Iiinhopa
many years agc|, when he was young. ”
Molly gave her whole attention now.
“And,” continued Mrs. White, “af¬
ter living here 'several years, he went
away, went to California, where it was
afterwards reported he was dying. He
di<T not die. After recovering, the
luck he had been striving for did not
come immediately, and determined not
to return to his home and wife until
he was rich, he remained until his am¬
bition was attained. In all this time
he had not sent any news of himself
but once, to his home, and that was
immediately after his recovery from
the illness. This news never reached
his wife. He returned to Kinliope full
of the thought of the bright future, to
find his wife had leftKinhope, married
again. We have often heard him say :
‘ ‘How could I have stayed away so
long for money, money ; I was blind."
But Molly had not heard the last
sentence. With one gasp she had laid
her head back and for the first time in
her seventy-eight years of life, fainted.
It had grown colder. Near the firo
sat two old people at dusk. The man
was saying:
“When I found ye had married again,
I felt that I was receivin’my judgment
from God A’mighty for not bein’ con¬
tented with my lot when we was so
happy together, and then I keered no
more for the money I had made an’
gave it away. Yes, and threw it away,
an’ when the war broke out, I listed
hoping to die, but thank tho Lord he
kep’ me for thi s last happinejp. Some
time after the war I grew so feeble, an’
my money had nearly been lost in some
spokelation, so I had to come here. ”
And Molly, drawing her chair a littlo
closer, laying her hand in his said just
one word softly, full of quiet thankful¬
ness: “Eben.”—Yankee Blade.
Giving a Bad Dose Skilfully.
Heat your spoon in hot water,
squeeze into it a few drops of orange
juice, then pour ou the oil and add a
few more drops of orange juice, if you
wish to administer a doso of oil to a
little patient skilfully and pleasantly.
It would perhaps be just as well if no
hint that medicine of any kind is dis¬
agreeable were made in the pres¬
ence of small folks, who often get
their prejudices against it from the
fuss and grimace made by their elders,
who have to swallow a dose Many
mothers must, I think, plead guilty to
holding the medicine man and his mix¬
tures over little ones as a means of
punishment when all else fails. In
some families the policeman, in somo
the doctor is the bugaboo, ready to
pounce upon all kinds of infantine
obstinacy.—New York Post.
T*
A Fortunate Catch ot Coyotes,
jj r . Berberry, who resides in
Chile* Valley, presented a claim be-
fore the Board ^JWrvisors this
mon tjj on acconr ,t 0 f n i ne coyote
scalps. Mr. Rosebery’s capture beats
the record. He set a trap and caught
a female coyote, which before being
taken out of the trap gave birth to
eight little coyotes. He consequently
got nine scalps instead of one, and will
receive the county bounty of §5
for each scalp, or §45, besides the
amount offered by the State.—Napa
(Cal.) Registei
With two except on*—Bavaria and
Prussia—the State of New York covers
more ground than all the German pria-
cipalitieu.
TELEGRAPHIC GLEANINGS.
The News of the World Condensed Into
Pithy and Pointed Paragraphs.
Interesting and Instructive to All
Classes of Readers.
The Genessee Oil Works, limited,
Friday. at Buffalo, N. Y., made an assignment
The liabilities aro §300,000.
Admissions to the world’s fair Sun¬
day were: Adults, 54,582 : children,
3,094; employes, exhibitors and other
free admissions, 16,886; total, 74,612.
The International Order of King’s
Daughters and Sous met at Chicago
Wednesday afternoon and inaugura¬
ted a conference as part of tho congress
of moral and social reform.
Charles W. Mosher, president of the
wrecked Capital National bank of
Lincoln, Neb., appeared Saturday in
tho foderal court and plead guilty to
falsifying tho books of the bank.
The Exchange Banking Compay, of
Weston, O., closed its doors Thursday.
The hank had a run and was unable to
got help. Tho directors have probably notified
the depositors that they will
receive dollar for dollar.
The Citizens’ bank of Fairmount,
Indiana, suspended ije operations Wed¬
nesday, owing to stringency in the
money market e capital stock is
§50,000; assets,§1!V1,000.91; liabilities
from $130,000 to §150,000.
Wednesday afternoon, while visiting
tho World’s fair, Mrs. Lamont, wife
of tho Secretary of War, was overcome
by tho heat and overexertiou while in
tho Midway Plaisahco and fell into a
faint. Nothing serious is anticipated.
The First National bank of Arkansas
City, Ark., one of the oldest and gen¬
erally believed to be one of tho stron-
gest financial institutions in tho south-
west, failed to ope„n its doors Thursday
morning. The deposits are said to bo
§000,000.
Tho Southern Railway and Steam-
ship association concluded in session at New modifi- York
Thursday, that schedules no for
cation of the rates of
transportation conld be made uiilil
July 1st, when tho association will
moot again at Manhattan beach.
For the first time in tho history of
the Hawaiian islands the Hawaiian
national flag was floated over tho pal¬
ace on June 2d I’he formal occupn
tion of tho palace by the provisional
government and U > raising of the im-
tional emblem over it is regarded by
the annexationists generally and by
many of the natives as a final blow to
monarchy.
A dispatch of Sunday from New
York says: A modification of the
Richmond Terminal plan has been
made, so as to bring in tho East Ten¬
nessee, Virginia and Georgia equip¬
ment and improvement bond, thus
giving the committee control of the
East Tennessee system. The Cincin¬
nati extension bonds are now all that
remain to be brought in.
Defalcations aggreating §70,800
have been discovered in the Irving
Savings institution, No. 9(5 Warren
street, New York. The shortage was
discovered by the state bank examin¬
ers, who are still at work on the books
and will not complete their work of
scrutinizing tho bank’s affairs for some
time, as there are seventeen thousand
individual accounts to investigate,
besides the regular hank books.
The Cunard Line steamer, Servia,
which sailed from New York May
24th, for Liverpool, and arrived at Queens¬
town, Wednesday, reports that on
June 7th, she ran, down the American
ship, A. McOallum, Captain O’Brien,
from London, April 28th from New
York. The McOallum was so badly
damaged that she filled and sank a
short time after the accident. The
Servia stood by and rescued twenty-
four of those on board the sailing
vessel.
Advices of Thursday from St. Pe¬
tersburg, Russia, are to the effect that
the Church of the Chudov Monastery,
which is within tho walls of the
Kremlin, was recently robbed of avast
amount of plate, money and gems.
The property and money taken
amounted to between 2,500,000 and
3,000,000 roubles. All the monks be¬
longing to the monastery have been
arrested. The search of cells occupied
by the monks revealed that they had
perpetrated the robbery.
Judge Ricks, of tho United States
circuit court at Cleveland, (),, has
fixed tho date of trial of the most im¬
portant case on his docket. It is that
brought against Chief P. M. Arthur,
of the Brotherhood of Locomotive En¬
gineers, for § 200,000 damages for al¬
leged encouragement of the recent
strike on the Ann Arbor road at To¬
ledo. A special assignment of tho
case has been made for Monday, Sep¬
tember 18th. It will be heard at To¬
ledo before a special jury. The case
lias provoked widespread discussion.
Wednesday morning the bank of
Aaron, Wilcox & Co., of Painesville,
O., posted a notice on its doors that
the bank had suspended temporarily,
being unable to meet the run on it
owing to the stMMsncy in the money
paid market, in and full. tlflpHflepositors rsonal estate will bo of
the stockholders is liable for the en¬
tire indebtedness, in all, amounting
to several hundred thousand dollars.
The bank is believed to be solvent. It
was organized twenty-five considered years ago
and had always been a
sound institution.
A Chicago special says: The body
of Herman Schaffner, the banker who
had been missing since the day his
bank collapsed two weeks ago, was
found floating in the lake Wednesday
afternoon. It was brought to shore
by a fisherman who was using a throw
lino, tho hook of which caught ii
clothing. Tho body was at dMj
brought to shore aud fully identified
by papers found upon it and by th<
relatives of Mr. Sehaffuer. Nothin?
lias boon hoard of the banker since tho
day his establishment closed, olthough
every effort had been made to find him.
CROP BULLETIN.
The Past Week a Favorable One in
Many of the States.
The weather crop bulletin, issued
Tuesday from the Agricultural Depart¬
ment, says: The warm weather of tho
lost week improved tho crops greatly
and they are growing rapidly. The
general woather has been good and
several states report it tho most favor¬
able week of tho season Farmers aro
more hopeful in tho west and in tho
south Atlantio states Following are
some special telegraphic reports:
Mississippi—Nights oool for cotton,
general conditions very favorable, crops
very grassy, hut being cleaned rapidly;
corn yellow in bottoms,season late and
crops a little short.
Louisiana —Week rather favorable
to crops, froquont showers interfered
with laying by of cane, but rice bone-
fitted ; cotton shows improvement,
somo blooms; corn silking aud tassell-
mg, overflow of water falling
Blowly in the extreme northeast and
lands will bo placed in condition as
early as practicable. cool for cotton,
Texas—Nights too and prospects,
plant irregular in size
whilo good in somo sections, do not
average so for the state. Corn in
good condition, about laid by.
Arkansas—Most of the corn laid by,
cotton much improved and crops bo-
ing rapidly cleaned, wheat being har¬
vested, yield good, oats heading and
promise abundant crop, farmers more
hopeful and encouraged, pushed
Tennessee—Warfn, work
Vigorously during the week, corn be-
workod and looks well, early
ftbout reft( jy to cut, clover and
„ [; ruSHe8 i n splendid condition, barley
• K t ’ cotton Bma n but improv-
Kentucky—Most favorable week of
tho season, wheat harvest about to
commence, some complaint of rust,
oft t H ftn d grasses fine, tobacco nearly
gc t and looks well.
Missouri—Most favorable week of
tho season, work progressing finoly
and the crop outlook improving daily.
VUE SENTENCES QUASHED
And the Ffliininu Canal Swindlers are
Given their Freedom.
Advices irom Paris state that con¬
siderable excitement has been caused
by the decision of tho court of cessa¬
tion on tho appeal of Charles do Les-
seps aud the other defendants convict¬
ed of fraud in connection with tho
Panama Canal Company. The court
liandod down its decision Thursday
quashing tho sentences on the ground
that tho statute of limitation oovered
the offences charged and that the in¬
dictments on which the prisoners were
charged were irregular. M.
In consequence of this decision
Eiffel was at onco liberated. M.
Charles do Lesseps, who is in tho St.
Louis hospital suffering with acute at¬
tacks of dyspepsia, was informed that
ho was at liberty. He was too ill to
leave the hospital. There wero iivo
defendants convicted on the trial,
which ended on February 9th last.
There were Ferdinand do Lesseps, his
son Charles, Marius Fontaine, Henri
Cottu and Gustavus Eiffel. Ferdinand
do Lesseps was sentenced to five years’
imprisonment and to pay a fine,
M. Foutain was also notified of the
reversal of his sentence and was at
once given his liberty. In addition to
the sentence of five years’ imprison-
meht imposed upon M. Charles de
Lesseps, he was sentenced at a later
trial to serve a year for bribing certain
members of the chamber to voto for
tho Panama lottery bond bill.
And thus ends one of the greatest
criminal cases France has ever known,
in which tho names of mon prominent
in political and social life were badly
smirched and which caused Baron do
Reinacli to commit suicide and two or
three others to flee tho country.
Kl'led In n Wreck.
One of the most disastrous accidents
that ever happened on the Baltimore
and Ohio railroad in West Virginia,
occured on the Big Board Tree tun¬
nel, east of Cameron, Saturday morn¬
ing. Train No. 49, eastbound, collid¬
ed with freight train No. 92 westbound,
while both wero going at a speed of
thirty miles an hour. Engines aud cars
were wrecked, being piled into the
creek. Engineers Deal and Kinley,
both of Wheeling; Fireman Clencher
and two trainmen, whoso names are
not known, were killed. The property
loss will be heavy.
The Contractor Condemned.
Contractor George W. Dent was
severely condemned by the evidence
given Saturday at the coroner’s in¬
quest over the remains of the Ford’s
theater victims, olthough some of
those who gave testimony against his
methods, spoke highly of his ability os
a practical mechanic and bricklayer.
The United States government also
came in for its share of condemnation
for its methods of doing the work of
construction. testified that tho Several best expert contract wiiyrter, " ^
not care to do work for
merit.
Mritrgn to < uni jniic lljHB
A \< w York special dire^H
meeting J the board .if
the decide,1 Ifni.in that m niiniiry, < A. Griggs, Thursdayt^H I >
.
continue his work in the dcpHHH Tsl
of Biblical theology as hitherto.
directors also decided that special pro-j
visions should be made so that none of
the students of Union seminary will
suffer from the restrictions which have
been put upon tho board of education.
If fun.
!*
Eketchks Is from
SOURCES.
*glon—A Wily Suitor—
fair- A Drfl ill Ion—
pm Inco, Weeds—V*lua-
t Etc., Etc.
J* own praise will sing
t he only sees
I 1th in tho everything “I” disease.
—Truth.
VERS FROM WEEDS.
Pi is—“Do widows’ woods over
bloom] Sard!
sue—“Certainly. They pro-
duce 0 ;o blossoms."—Vogue.
ALITABLE ASSISTANCE.
Hunt I—“What prompted you to
ask Mi •tiddey to be your wife?"
Hpatil “I think Miss Giddoy hcr-
self pi\ ted mo moro than anybody
elso. Sick
A definition.
Will* (kit—“How would you dc-
Horibe t> Inic?”
Phil <i tor—“A cynic is a man who
lias an ’ Inrociprocatod affection for
himself . 1 r Fuck.
IN VANITY FAIR,
te— “•¥ ft married of course. the debutan- And the
wee ft£her Hfnopcs father failed.” nipped in
were
tj)
Hu f SUITOR. been to tho beauty
si
It her)— “No. That’s
why call out.)—Chicago Rec-
(T e
ord.
EXACT BOIENOK.
Snipper—“Do you consider modi
cine an exact science?”
Tipper— ‘ ‘Certainly I’ve noticed
that physicians exact large amounts
for their services.’’—Detroit Free
Press.
A DELICATE ATTENTION.
Stranger—“Did you tell Miss Pen¬
stock how pleased I was with the silk
traveling cap she sent me?”
Bingerly—“Yes, and she said she
hoped you would have ocoasion to use
it often.”—Judge.
A FIT sIbSTITUTE.
“Do you think Travel broadens the
mind?” asked Barker at tho club.
“It depends on the mind," replied
Warren. “I think a glove-stretcher
would do quite as well for Chappie
Bronson’s, for instance.”
HE MUST BE.
Cross—“Did you over write any
peotry?” Squeery—“Yes; somo."
Cross—“What for?”
Squeery—“Oh, just to kill time,”
Cross— ‘ ‘Is he dead ?”—Puck.
A COLLEAGUE,
“In short, X. is a great personage.
Suppose I address him; ‘My honored
master?’ ”
“Nonsense! n scamp like that 1 ”
“Say, what would you put?”
* 'I should simply writo: ‘My dear
colleague. ’ ”
ALREADY PUNISHED.
Smith—“I met a man to-day who
told me I looked like you. ”
Jonee (fiercely)—"Who was it? If
I find him I’ll knock him down. ”
can
Smith (calmly) — “Don’t trouble
yourself; I knocked him down at
once.”—Life.
don’t expose your ignorance.
Mrs. Meadow (at city hotel)—"Ooo !
There’s fly in this soup. ”
a
; Mr. Meadow (who has traveled some)
—“Hush, Miranda, don’t speak so loud.
No use exposin’our ignorance, This
bill of fare is in French, and mebby
we ordered fly soup.”—Life.
A SQUARE MEAL.
“What do you want?” sho asked
through a email opening in tho door-
wa ?
I’m lookin’ fur a square meal."
“Well,” she replied, with a gesture
toward the wood pile, “supposo yon
begin with a chop.”—Washington
Star.
valued the dog.
Primus—“Jobson and Hobson aro
next door enemies. Yesterday Job-
son’s dog bit Hobson. ”
Hecundus—“What did Hobson do
about it?”
Primus—“Went off to the Pasteur
Institute and found Jobson there hav¬
ing tho dog inoculated.’’—Life.
TIMING ITS FLIGHT.
“There’s another revolution on
foot,” said the wife of the South
American historian.
“You don’t say so !” exclaimed the
scholar “I must hurry and get a
stop watch.”
“What for?”
na. it. if, ’ Washing-
n o l o-
S
IT to you, Mr.
Cftppht the blushing
NO. 25.
girl, with eyes downcast, “Yon aro
only trifling, and—and, besides it is
getting late."
“Please hear out, Miss Helen! 1 ’
mo
pleaded the infatuated young reporter.
“I’ll cut, it down to 250 words 1"—
Chicago Tribune.
MISTAKE IN THE DIAGNOSIS.
Patient (looking at tho prescription!
— “Doctor, couldn't you just as well
stop in at tho drug store youself, have
this filled aud send the stuff to mo by
your office boy?”
Doctor (taking bnok the proscription
and writing another)—“I see I have
made a mistake Yon don’t need any
nerve medicine.”—Chicago Tribune
WOULD HAVE NO SECRET FROM HIM.
Wife—“Have you any secrets you
keep from me, dearest?”
Husband—“None, darling.” will
Wife—“Then I am determined I
have none from you either,”
Husband— “You have secrets, then ?”
Wife—“Only one, and Iamrosolved
to make a clean breast of it. ”
Husband—(hoarsely)“Go on."
Wife—“For several days I have had
a secret—a seoret longing for a new
suit with hat to match.”—New York
Press.
WHY HE DIDN’T SHOOT.
A Cass avenue man, with a wife who
has her own ways about doing things,
catches her now and then.
“My dear,” ho said the other morn¬
ing, as ho was dressing, “I think you
were right when you told me last night
there were burglars in the house.”
“Why?” she asked nervously.
“Because all the money that was in
my pockets when I went to bed is
gone. ”
“Well, ” she said, with an I-told-you-
so air, “if you had been brave and got
up aud shot the wretch you would have
had your money this morning. ”
“Possibly, my dear, possibly,” he
said gingerly, “but I would have been
a widower. ”
She laughed softly then and gave
half of it buck to him. —Detroit Free
Press.
A GODDESS OF LIBERTY.
Ambitious Girl—“I am not satisfied
to ho dependent on my father for
every cent I need. I wish to be inde¬
pendent.” Mother—"Should earning
you go to
your own living, you would have to
be the obedient servant of any em¬
ployer you might have, always at his
beck and call, always ready to do the
bidding of your superiors, and hav¬
ing no) an liotw you could call your
own.”
“That would be horrible. I want to
be independent of pa, but I’ll call no
man mnstor, and I shall want my own
way in everything. ”
“That’s easy. Get married.”—New
York Weekly.
THE LANDLORD KNOCKED OUT ELI.
The great complaint of all the lec¬
turers, said Eli Perkins, is about poor
hotels, but I made up my mind fifteen
years ago that I would never find any
fault with a liofrji. One day, down in
Tennessee, I broke over my rule. The
feed was had and everybody was grumb¬
ling. After paying for my dinner, I
said to the landlord :
“That’s nice food on the table
thero!”
“What’s the matter with that food?”
“Why, it’s terrible. Those lamb
chops are tough enough to break a
man’s teeth.”
“What lamb chops?” asked the land¬
lord with an alarming earnestness.
“Why, those lamb chops over there t”
pointing to the middle of the table.
“And you’re been eatin’ ’em?”
“Tried to.”
“Why, heavens, man, those are not
lamb chops, they are terra cotta orna¬
ments for the table, and you’ve Well— gone
and oaten half of ’em up!
well—”
But I nover heard tho end of the sen¬
tence.—Hotel World.
YOU can’t BELIEVE THE NEWSPAPERS.
“Some years ago,” said the man, aud
who might have been untruthful
might not. “I was in a small town in
New York State where Chauneey Depew
was hilled to make a speech that night,
and it happened I stopped at the same
hotel he did. Just after supper the
editor of tho local paper dropped distinguished in to
SCO Mr. Depow, and the
gentleman proceeded to have some fun
with the country journalist. He had,
too, and every now and then he rounded
up a sentence against tho editor by
saying ‘Oh, you can’t believe every¬
thing there is in the newspapers,’ the
editor having used newspaper matter
very largely in his argument.
“After the speech-making Depew in was the hotel over
the editor met Mr.
office again and there was a big crowd
present. ‘Well, friend,’ inquired the
“ my
genial Chauneey, ‘what did you think
of my speech?’ hesitated moment.
“The editor a
• “Are you,’ he asked solemnly, 'the
genuine Chauneey M. Depew?’ laughed
“‘Certainly. Why not? -
Mr. Depew. that all the
“ ‘Are you the one news¬
papers have been saying was the finest
speaker, the greatest talker, the sharp¬
est stumper, the brightest wit before
the public?’ pursued the editor.
Ota ‘I guess I’m the one,’ blushed the
t'lpman. Why?’ can’t believe
/Oh, because is you in the
/ything there? newspapers,
Chauneey shook hands with the
ditor and called it square.”—Detroit
p ree Press.
Senator Stanford, of California, has
a vineyard of 3500 acres, the largest, it
is said, in this country.
It costs the State of Delaware §100.-
000 ft yeur to support her Government.