Newspaper Page Text
Au Obl-FJ^hioned I-vcenm Lecture.
Reader, didst ever deliver a lecture at
a country “lyceum?” If so, read the
following. It is good. “We have been
there.”
Mrs. Brown, having a lecture deliver upon
the Parthenon, was invited to it
(before the lyceum of Walnutville.
-Knowing of Walnutville only that it was
^fifteen miles from a railroad, Mrs.
Brown suggested a more popular -ab¬
ject. No; Walnutville wanted named the in Par¬
thenon. At the station the
■letter of direction Mrs. Brown saw a
stage, and soon its driver said:
“Be you. the lecturer for VYalnut
ville? ,; *
“Yes.”
“ Wa’al, git right in; and you hain’t
no need to pay no fare neither, for I'm
thejeommittee that wrote you.”
Mrs. Brown was the only passenger,
and the driver cheered the long and
lonely way by telling her, “Folks was lots
thinkin’.a rememberin’ sight ab >ut seem her 1 on grand-air.” her,
on ’em
They were only four hours on the road,
and when the time for the lecture came
Mrs. Brown was escorted to the hail by
the same gentleman. On the way he
exhorted her to speak up, and not be
like “them Methodist wimmen, who
mumbled so folks did not keow when
to say ‘Hallelujah. i n
Typ hall, an unpainted building, con¬
sisted of a great room with a n enormous
outside door opening directly into it.
There were seats against the wall upon
two sides, which the stage driver ex¬
plained as being the plaoe where “the old
men sot town-meetin 1 day.” The people
who were in their seats turned round
and gazed at Mrs. Brown while she took
off her wraps and put on her gloves.
Telling her escort ‘she was ready, he
said he “warn’t a goto’ upon that roost
rum to make a fool of himself; the min¬
ister had got to do that.”
While waiting for the minister, and
Mrs. enduring Brown the diverted staring her of mind the audience, by won
dering why a row of men were seated at
tthe back of the platform. Finally
curiosity conquered. there for? 11
’ “What are those men up
“Them? Why, they’re the Walnut
ville Brass Band, and they're going to
play. Don’t they have no bands whore
you come from?”
j ^appeared Fortunately Mr. Snow, the minister, _ _
then, and Mrs. Brown trailed
meekly up the aisle after liim. Obedient
to bis gesture, she sat down, and he
said, “We will unite in prayer.”
i That exercise “The disposed Walnutville of, Mr. Snow Brass
proceeded:
Band will favor us with ‘Columbia, the
Gem of the Ocean. 1 ”
f T& > performance was stunning, doafc
’could be ffigjjflfore breath or hearing
y:as again on his feet: agile clergyman
j “The chorister of the Baptist
long—‘There’s "till now delight the audience with^'j,
boys; a Good Time Cominw.
Wait a Little Longer.! ” °
The chorister walked slowly to the
.Steps ing severely of the platform, and waited, look?
at Mr. Snow
j ‘‘1 forgot to say, 11 shouted that much
{fffiicted man, “that he will be accom
panied by his daughter on a Mason & v
Ilamlin instrument.”
Then the fatherand daughter mounted
the stage, the organ was wheeled into
\ its place, and tho perfot mors had a * good “
time '
,Jf n obody else did.
CD
Pasht who Sits and glares at *-rt eople in
the British Museum.
Again Mr. Snow: “Mrs. Brown will
now' read us a piece on tho Parthenon.”
Mrs. Brown stepped to the front, and,
amid hear stillness breathing so profound of that she could
the persons near her,
read her piece. It death-hke took an hour, and
during all time the quiet was
broken but once; and then a boy who
had climbed up on the outside, and
Peeped in at a window, informed his
companions “she warn’t in a hoarse look whisper that
how.” Not no hand great stirred to at, any
a nor even an
eyelid moved when the Parthenon was
ended; but Mr. Snow allowed no time
for embarrassment, for he was at once
on his feet:
“The chorister of the Methodist
Church will sing ‘Rocked in the Cradle
of the Deep. 1 lie will accompany him
self.”
.
The Methodist same masterly chorister indifference while
the rocked himself
violently backward and forward, and
while he had was returned wiping his heated brow
after he to his seat. But
indefatigable Mr. Snow knew no weari
ness: •
“The band will again delight us with
‘Marching through the Georgia. 111
- “Hark! From Tomb,” would
’equally ;have suited well—to the temper all of the audience bet
as appearance,
'ter. Finally, the minister concluded:
“These exercises will close with a
[benediction.” He bad. hardly spoken its last word;
when the stage-driver sh outed:
“Here, marm, is the money we’ve
took. You can take your pay out on’t.”
Mrs. Brown, not accustomed to ap
proving herself, declares she rose to that
occasion, for she turned ail the money
into him her would pocket-handkerchief, settle and told
she on her way to the
train. One or two people walked sol
emnly up to plaintively: her, limply shook her hand,
and -aid, “We have en
joyed your lecture,” awful silence but with these ex
ceptions the was not dis
turbed. To this dav Mrs. Brown is in
doubt if they think the Parthenon an
improved sewing-machine or a new
kind of hay-spreader.— Magazine. Editor’s Drawer,
in Harper's
—___
Learning Babies to Walk.
An . old ,, woman << “Aunt 4 a wr Mary, »> „ resid- .■!
ingnearSelma, . Alabama who is mother
cHHdren, says all her children
they nme m0rj! hs
old. The following is the process by ,
which she attains the desu-ed end, as
„ nine pel
cession days, and sweeps ther foot out.
This help's ' ’em a powerful the grin’ stone, sight, and and
then I takes ’em to
grins’ the foots for to make the chil’
shore-footed and swift; then I walks
backward nine steps with my eyes shut,
and turns ’round and puts the chil’ on
the floo. savs a vest of po’trv and goes to
mv washin; and ’fore you knows it that j I
baby is walkin’ everywhere.”
The Associated Press.
Tlie association is merely a business
copartnership. It is dot incorporated.
It depends upon no special legislation, and
but merely upon its York own capital
exertion. Seven membership. New daily policy new s¬
papers form its Tlie
of a journal may change while it still re¬
mains within the association. The cost
of obtaining the news is divided between
all the members. News is furnished to
other papers as cumstomers. Local as¬
sociations were established in Boston,
Hartford and New Haven, and these
form the New England association, which
contracts for New York news. The
Western Press association holds a similar
position. The New York office is the.
clearing-house of the country. .A il.xible
method of adjusting prices is followe d,
the strong helping the weak, lr has
nothing to do with special dispatches. words
Eighteen or twenty-eight thousand
are telegraphed daily. There is a system
of combination reports in us . By a
single wire New' York is put into instan¬
taneous connection with Now Haven,
Hartford and Worcester, and the reports
are manifolded at all points in the Circuit,
“pony” reports being sent to the smaller
towns. Receivers must read by sound.
All towns in circuit get their own
“locals” sent back to them, which is a
dra wback, but the plan lessens the cost.
All New York State “locals” are sent
here to he distributed. Drop-copies of
San Francisco dispatches are taken at
Chicago and Cheyenne. which control
The seven newspapers
the association hold monthly hands meetings. the
The details are in the of
superintendent and executive committee.
Associated Press news generally leak escapes
betrayal. Sometimes a is sprung,
but it is quickly traced by decoy tele¬
grams. Errors often occur in transmis¬
sion. Strange words are coined for the
sake of brevity, such as “suicidal” andi
“conflagrated.” These philological lior
rors ftre resolved into their original ele
me nts, A dispatch from the West was
“Troops all scalped.” It should
have been, “Troops all escaped.” A
railroad conductor’s message read, “We
killed a dead mule.” Of course, a deaf
mu te was meant. The agents of the
Associated Press must be geographers, have
mus j ^now public character, and
an acquaintance with parliamentary intellectual
practice. They must be
machines—entitled only to industry and
conscience—they must not make *com
nien ts. Some papers pay only $15 a
xyeek for the privileges of the association,
but the weekly deficit is divided among
the seven New York dailies, and tho
s i mre 0 f each averages $300 a week.
Among the objections to the association,
it is alleged that it is a monopoly, and
that it lives by favor of tlie Western
Umcm Telegraph Cempany. But there
£3 no combination between the telegraph which is
company and the association,
simply a wholesale customer. The power
i*i '’ floriated Press would be increa sed
by the Foscum-'. C v Crra pb system. A mil
ii° U m( ?i ? ot Hp photogi^.n eftrl Y u t?1 the mining, sun, if
tt Until u the law makes , a felony } ° of copart
n W < j ai ? n " t kterfere - Lt a vast
ed , ? a ? 10 ? al and is . one of .the
S^S^tiost - iorce American
m civilization.
’“ e P a P ers 8 ° press at 2 a. m.
and i « tlie mgbt ” ? R eeboed tlie lino
magnetic pulse is . silent till the
“ orr °w .—Lecture bp James jp. Simon
j i
......
Mr. Wagon was the victim. His son
Johnny is a mischievous lad, and one
day resolved to play a trick on his broth
er. He arranged certain attachments to
that brother’s bed, worked by cords rmi
ning to his own room, and then went off
fishing. While he was gone, his brother
wa"S sent away to be absent over night,
and a lot of company arrived at the
house. Mr. Wagon gave up his own
room to them and occupied home the absent
son’s bed. Johnny got late at
night, and wholly ignorant of this
change of arrangements, went to bis
room, which was next to his mother’s,
and prepared to perpetrate his designs
upon his brother.
cord The which first proceeding between wa3 the blankets a haul on and a
ran
spread on his brother’s bed, and, being
fastened at the top, would pull the
clothes off the bed. Mr. Wagon was
comfortably tucked in, when suddenly
the clothes began to slip, and he found
himself uncovered. He thought he
might anil have kicked them off, and sat up
took hold of the clothes to pull them
back. Meanwhile, Johnny had yanked
another cord which pulled the pillow off
the bed. Mr. Wagon discovered liis loss
and reached for the pillow, aud when lie
got it, the clothes went off again. He
was much excited at that, and again
went after the clothes and again lost Lis
pillow. pillow the
That time the went under
bed and Mr. Wagon went after it, and
immediately came out again and swore
prodigiously, with for buns, the and floor be had was strewn
chestnut gotten
plto tkem - Mo resolved to scold the
chambermaid . for leaving so many pms
on the floor. Once more he attempt to
Hie pillow, and, as it was way uudei,
he made a frantic dive for it and just
then Johnny, who was shaking with
langhter pulled the last cord and the
whole bed came down upon Mr. Wagon
and jammed him upon the burrs,
His frantic howls brought his wife and
fiends to the rescue, and he was fished
0U H ^* e 8®? was Hghted and
somebody discovered the cords running
hastened Johnny there. s room. Lie Mr. lad W explained agon at once tnat
he thought, his brother was in the bed,
but it didn t make any dincreiice. His
yells were mistaken by a of man sleeping aud he
half a mile away for a cry fire,
jumped ^ / out of bed so hard that he
r; iaed a toe . And the next day when
j, wellt to school l,e sit got spanked and
a g a j u ecaus<; he wouldn’t down,
is now resolved to run awav from home
^ first ehallCe f be can get,‘as discunraging this part
q ;e coun ( r y s a migiitw '
1 °« 1 ' 1 ’
If you want knowledge, you must toil
for it; if food, you must toil for it; and
if pleasure, you Pleasure must toil for it. Toil
is the law. comes through
toil, and not by self-indulgence and in
dolenee. When one gets to love work,
his life is a happy one.— Buskin.
“James, Is That Yon 1 ”
Women are timid creatures, and hate
be left in a bouse alone at night, so,
when Mr. Gallagher went away from
home, leaving his wife with only an ig¬
norant servant, she was very much wor¬
ried, and readily harkened to the voice
of an agent who called just after Gal
higher had gone around the corner, and
wanted to sell her a machine which
would prevent burglars from getting three.
into the house. She bought aud back
Those placed at tho front
doors were so arranged that, when the
door was opened, a hammer would strike
down from above and knock down the
person trying to enter. A third eont riv
anoe of different pattern was placed win¬ on
the stairs and another at the front
dow. Gallagher unexpectedly returned
late that night, and, attempting blow to en¬ tliij
ter the front door, gut a 111
nose that knocked him down the steps
into the street. Ho was both surprised and,
and annoyed at. the circumstance,
utterly unable to understand it, tried
he door again. Same result. He then
thought somebody was behind the doer
trying to assassinate him, and, getting back
up very mad, ran around to the
door to get in that way. Then he got a
thump that sent him back into the swill
barrel, and ho was terribly cross when
ho got up. He grabbed noi ax, and, as
he opened the door again, struck with
it. But he hit nobody, and got
another knock-down. Then he went
and got a policeman, so that
one could tackle each door, and one be
sure to get in; but after both had en¬
joyed three knock-downs decided they that met and
compared notes, and two
men must be in the house. They then
tried tho front window, and, raising it, a
deluge of icy water from a hose arranged
to bring it flow upon them. But they
braved that and got in. Then they ran¬
sacked the lower part of tho house, but
could find nobody, and meantime Mrs.
G., up-stairs, heard them, started and up-stairs, nearly
died of fright. They the stair,
Gallagher first, and near top a
fixed on a pivot, rolled under Gallagher
and hurled him backward, aud Tie went
to tlie bottom, taking the policeman
with him. They both yelled, but Gal¬
lagher yelled the loudest, and his wife
recognized his voice and bis favorite oath.
Her courage returned. She went to the
head of the stairs and cried: “James is
and that awful you?” mad James then, was and painfully the policeman hurt
was trying to get back the breath Gal¬
lagher hail squashed “it’s out of him. it’s “No,”
cried James, Jim Gallagher not me; some
other fellow. was never
knocked down seventeen times in one
night! ” But she knew it was he, and
explained matters. And then Gallagher
gave the policeman and $10 the to officer say nothing retired;
about the matter,
and then Gallagher jawed his 'wife for
two hours, and the next day went seven
miles to overtake the man who sold her
tho machines and kicked tho life nearly
out of him. Ho admits that the things
would be dreadfully discouraging to a
burglar, though .—Boston Post.
True Love.
A pretty story is told of tire late
Czarina, who, as is well known, was long- a
most faithful wife, in spite of the
continued harsh treatment and devoted neglect
of the Czar, and a wise aud
mother. Although a strict observer of
tlie rules of y ho Greek Church, she id
fS^aS in place 'imd of ..SyMii* t. foelini/ "vtomiut-on- and demesne A \
true
every-day While visiting duty. the Smolnoje Institute
for girls, some years ago, the Empress,
during the examination of the pupils,
suddenly The asked, ladies “What blushed is love?” though
improper young question had as proposed,
an been
became greatly confused, and were ,-!! lit.
Madame Leontieff, the directress, kneel¬
ing, begged leave to state to Her Majesty
that all knowledge of this dangerous sub¬
ject was prohibited by her, and Si at, in
all probability, the pupils did not even
know the meaning of the word.
The Czarina frowned. “So far from
being a dangerous subject, mmlame,” she
said, “love should be the pure main¬
spring of a woman’s life; first, love for
her parents; then, love for her husband;
God lastly, love for her children ; and love for
this, always. If your pupils have du¬ not
they are badly prepared for the
ties of life.”
The Empress left the Institute, and
the next day, Madame Leontieff was re¬
moved Ministry as incompetent Education. by the Imperial
of
In American society, tlie mention of
love is too often received by young girls
with ablush and a giggle, which betray
the narrow and vulgar meaning which
they simply attach to the word. It is to them
a flirtation with some young man,
which may or may not end in a mar¬
riage. fault of their mothers if they
It is the
are not taught to know and respect that
divine quality of devotion and self-sacri¬
fice, which alone can ennoble a woman’s
life, and which, whether it is given to
parent, child, or lover, makes her more
akin to her Muster.
If we were asked for a typical picture
of love in the present time, we should
choose, not a pretty youth little girl moonlight, sitting by
a moustached in the
but Mary Diller standing by her old
helpless father on the burning deck of the
Seauianhaka, the flames mapping her
like a garment, and burning her eyes
blind.— Youth’s Companion.
A Drummer’s First Trip.
A Cleveland merchant determined to
send interests Ids sou for house. a trip on the road in the
of the The young man
was rather averse to going, hut his
father’s persuasions were all-powerful,.
and he went. He was out some ten
days, and on his return his father anx
iously inquired, orders?” “Well, my boy, did
you get many “Yes, father,”
answered the new-fledged number?” drummer; “I
got quite a “Good!” ex
claimed the delighted father. ««I knew
you would succeed. The young man
grinned and answered: “Well the
first order I got was in Bquashbog I
went into a man’s store there and lie
said‘git out!’ In Bungville I got my ! i
second order. This time it was ‘skip”
My third order was ‘chase yourself
’round.’ Mv next order was ‘scoot’ hastil’y i
and—” But the old gentleman I
arose and, kicking the office, his sternly hopeful’s sample- j j
case across command
the young man to g > out and help
Jim load the truck. ^
He Knew the Author.
Poor old Burwitt! He was very opin¬
ionated, aud could be quite severe when
his expressed opinions wore doubted ;
yet was be a very sensitive man, anil it
hurt him sorely to find himself in error.
One day the minister, at a soeial confer
*' the parish, read a beautiful
ence 01
hymn. So exquisite did ho consider it
that he remarked upon it to his flock,
and expressed much regret that the
author should be unknown.
“It is really strange,” said he, “that
a hymn so beautiful m every respect— brilliant
tit to be classed with the most
poetic gems—should have come to us
without the name of the author.”
“Parson Nimberly, Deacon what Burwitt, do you
mean ? ” demanded
starting to his feet, with his hymn-book sir,
in his hand. “If you mean to say,
as how’t you don’t know the name of the
man that writ that beautiful hymn, I
can toll you, sir. Why, I’ve know’d
that hymn, and have know’d who writ
it, too, My for dear years.” deacon," returned the min¬
“
ister, mildly, “~I think you must bo
mistaken. ”
“ No, sir 1” assarted the deacon, vigor¬
ously. “Here it is, sir.”
At this i>oint the deacon’s son, at home
on a visit from a distant academy,
pulled his fatW by tho coat-skirts and
tried to stop him ; but it. was too late.
The good man had been told that ho
must be mistaken. He could not rest
until ho had crushed out that base
insinuation. 4
“ I say, sir, hero it is. Tliat hymn
was writ by Mr. Anon !”
Poor old Burwitt! He knew in a
moment tlmt iuv had put his foot into it
somehowfrtix^t, incomprehensible, in some he had manner, exposed to him his
ignorance. That was dreadful ! Ho
thought so, because the minister hid bis
face behind his handkerchief, while his
wholo frame shook with suppressed
laughter ; and full one-lialf of the assem¬
bled people, with as he glanced around, supplied. wore
quaking laughter not and hold liis
He sat down with a groan,
peace during the remainder of the ses¬
sion. As soon as I10 had gained tho
open air, on his way homeward, ho
caught his sou by the arm :
“ Bolg'Wfcit was tlioy laughing at ?”
“ At your comical misapprehension contraction of of
the word— Anon. It is a
the Latin Anonymos, and simply signi¬
fies—Name-not known.”
“Wal—I declare I Plague take them
misleadin’ contractions 1”
Tho London Cabby.
Tho London cabby is at once a pliil
osopher and a wit, instead a sort of English
Diogenes on his tub of in it. Go
has triumphed over every obstruction,
even over tI10 London fog. Weather is
nothing to him ns long as lie can raise a
fare. When lie can’t raise a fare ho
chaffs at is the his passing and world. lie has boon IDs bod, known as
a rule, box, there occasionally. Ho is
to take a nap
a much-abused person, but, on the whole,
lm is a civil, cheery, well-conducted per¬
son, particularly gallant to nervofts old
ladies and almost a rival of the guards or
of the “hobbies” with the nursery maids,
for lie has inherited the wink of Bum
WellerJ^md nothing could possibly re¬
sist tha > . His tribe is very numerous,
tlie,r/y It iuilf fourteen thousand of him,
' h funding underground and over
ouutf 1 railroads and 'busses tuuumern
bliY sion has been started in L011
V f . , ,.Ot, >>-t M
is take hiu'iil i*iindi| tolye/ to? how the movement; he find in time fact, to it
can
attend/ a mission. Of the 14,000 cabbies,
only 1,000 are set down as total abstain¬
ers, anil even these drinks—they elite would probably
res eruble Rip’s don’t count.
If any class of persons might be excused
for surely taking London an occasional cabmen, nip, it would
be who are con¬
stantly exposed that to every kind invented. of tho
worst weather ever was
Sir E. Henderson, chief of the London
police, stated at arecent meeting that he
discovered cabby. There a gradual has been improvement considerable in tho
a
diminution during the past year in the
number authorities of cabmen brought before the
for drunkenness, but in this
respect reached they the point had of as moral yet by elevation no means
at¬
tained by omnibus men and stage-drivers.
Out of 4,400 omnibus men there was only
11 convictions for drunkenness during
the year, and of 3,200 stage-drivers only
20. In 11,000 cabmen there had been
1,100 convictions, a reduction of 250 Oh
the previous year. They were also
rather addicted to furious driving, a fault
that ratio probably uin. bear# a corresponding
to
The Nature of an Oalh.
Early in the rebellion, when Hie
Federal forces were stationed ufc Beau¬
fort, B. C., there was an old darkey by
the name of Lige Jackson, who, deserted
by his master, was left to take care of
himself as best he might. Lige was
considered a chattel of weak intellect,
and moreover he was exceedingly awk¬
ward in his attempts to play tho role of a
house servant. Hesmashedand destroyed
pretty nearly everything he laid his
hands upon, and having waited upon
nearly every officer at the post, each in
turn, after giving him the benefit of a
good cursing for bis stupidity, turned
him adrift.
It happened that Lige was a witness
in a case that came before a court mart ini,
and being called up to give bis testimony,
was objected to on the part of the de¬
fendant, who stated that he didn’t bo
lieve the negro was of sound mind.
“ Stand n P- ,f id tbo c ? urt -
®°,,7 ou underfstaud the uatura,,f a "
oa i Lige . ’ scratched , , , bis . . wool , for . moment, ,
a
and then turning up tlie whites of Ins
V L ?° re k P* led: .. ls D W r , \ ,a »
^ted t on’bout haf de ossifers since -toy
fu understand \ cu ? do nature Pj«». of «' d an lf oaf by dis
tunci, den dares no wi.rtue is cussing
.£ he conrt OOB8lderfcd Ll S® a competent
-—— - -
Oxers upon a time there canto up for
examination at Oxford University, Eng
Mnd, a young gentleman rejoicing in
the remarkable name of r leltl r lowers
Goe.” The opportunity was too good to
be lost by his irrepressible examiner, the
late Dean Manse). “For your first name,
sir, you deserve to be plowed; for your
<*cond, plucked, hint and that your surname do rut
conveys the best we
’rish to see you any more. [Exit !.
F. G.l _ .
_ ,
Was Joan of Arc Burned at the Stake.
The Mayor of Compiegno is quite a
genius in liis way. Ho knew that the
prevailing uotiou was to secularize every¬
thing, and consequently lie invented n
republican manifestation in honor of
Joan of Are, the Maid of Orleans, English who
defended Compiegno against and the be¬
and Burgundians tho hands 11 1120, of John of was Luxem¬
trayed into
bourg, who surrended her to tho English¬
men who burned her at the stake in tho
market-place at I loitou. Tho ruins of the
Maiden’s Tower show where the I’ieardy
archer pulled the unfortunate .) oan from
lior war-horse, and wlieu those who are
fond of going back to tho history of other
days think of the legend and then of that
horrible statue of the Maid vt Orleans at
tho end of tho Kuo ties Pyramides in
Paris, they must deplore the fact that
the man of Picardy left no descendant
who would come forward and unhorse
the figure that surmounts flic pedestal.
M. Charles Monsolet has thrown some
doubt on the legend of Joan of Arc hav¬
ing boon burned l>y the English. He
quotes a paragraph from the J/> retire of
1082 announcing that- oar turn documents
recently discovered led to tlie conclusion
that Joan uf Arc had been married, and
that, opnsoquuutly, some unfortunate
viotun inns*/ have boon sacrificed in her
place at Roucu. The documents cen¬
eieted of attowtiititui made by Father
Yiguer, who said: ‘ Five years after the
judgment of Joan of Arc, on visited th« 20th M«tz. day
of May, Joan, the Maid, called
On the same day tgjr brothers to
see her. They tlusigUt she hud been
burned, but when they saw her they ro
cognized her at once, They took her
with them 0 > Boquelon, Whereon a yoe
man named Nicolls gave her a horse, and
two other persons contributed a sword
and a plumed hat, and tho said Maid
sprung very cleverly on the said horse,
saying a multitude of things to the yoo
mau Nicotic.”
The old priest wrote this history with its
his own hand, aud made oath as to
sincerity before a public notary, advanced adding
as a proof of wliat ho had n
copy of tho original contract of marriage
between “Robert dos Armoises and Joan
of Arc, otherwise known as the Maid of
Orleans.” Compiegno has treasured up
a faithful souvenir of the heroine, and
about fifteen years ago a subscription
was opened to enable the town to erect a
statue to her memory. Tho idea was
started by a rather unpopular drop. person, The
and was soon allowed to
present Mayor again lookup the matter,
and with tho aid of tho giving mimcipility town has
at length succeeded in tho
a statue of tho Maid, whoso words, Jirai
voir me bons amis (lc Comjiie.yne," have
been cut in tha pedestal .—London
Globe.
A Foiled Book Agent.
A yong innn with a large book under
his ann and a seven-by-nine smile on his
mug stuck his head into the ticket win¬
dow at the Union Depot, and asked tha
clerk what the hire was to San Antonio.
“ Ten dollars and fifteen cents,” re¬
plied the ticket slinger. leave Galveston, but
“ I am pining to the ticket
I lack just $10 of money.
However, that shan’t part us. I’ll make
a partial cash payment of 15 cents and
take the rest out in trade.”
“ What do you mean by taking it out
in trade?”
“lam a book agent, and if you will
li t me have the ticket, I won’t try to sell
you a book. I won't say book to you
once. This is the most liberal and ad¬
vantageous oiler ever made to the public, it.
and you ought to take advantage of
I have been known to talk a same man so
completely out of his senses in fifteen
minutes that he wasn’t even fit to send
to the Legislature afterward.”
“What book have you got?” asked
the ticket agent.
T0111 Ochiltree and .Jem Iff ace.
It was some seven or eight years ago,
just after the Col nun-Mace fiasco, and
the latter was still in the city. At, lie
was loaning against the bar a number of
gentlemen aud Tom Ochiltree were din
cussing politics and prize fights wonder¬ in an¬
other part of the room. Mace’s
ful oxpertnesa in the.use of his hands'
came up, and some one offered to bet a
basket of champagne that no man, un¬
less a professional, could get in a blow
on Mace’s face. Ochiltree took tho bet,
and walked deliberately over to Mace
and slapped bis jaws, The astonished
prize fighter looked at Tom for a moment
and then lit out from the shoulder. A
mass of rod luiir, a corpulent indescribable body, legs
--Jlia Confusion, hU /lew mingled, through in the 'Sour ifafl
rolled out over the brick banquette into
tho street. laughing While friends sympathetic straightening bell boys
and were
Tom out and patching his fragments to
gather, some of tho gentlemen explained
to Mace tho circumstances of tho bet.
“Oh ! it was that way, was it ? If I’d
known it I wouldn’t ’ave cared,” said ho,
“ an’ I’m bloody glad now I didn’t ’it
’im ’ardor.”
Tom thought it was a quite sufficiently
“’aril’it.” If tho blow had struck him
anywhere else but on tho cheek it Would
have killed him.— Wasliinyton Capital.
A Rebuff.
“Good mornin’ Mistus Snow,” said a
juvenile female Ethiopian, as she popped
her head into the domicile of a mother¬
ly-looking woman of her own race and
color.
“ Mornin’, honey,” said tho matron
with a pleasant smile. “ Yon’s a lookin’
bright and peert as a little jaybird this
mornin’. 1 law ’s your mamma dis morn
in’? do good ole soul.”
“Mamma’s pooty well, all but do
rheumatis.”
“Pore soul; feared she never got
over that rhoumatix o’he.rs. Oettin’too
ole now. How’s you fodder ?”
“Rudder's pooty well.”
“Pore soul; Ise glad to hear it. An’
what has my little liummin’ bird got to
say to Aunty Snow dis mornin’?”
“ Mamma sent mo fur to ax yer fur do
loan of yer firnble.”
“De loan of my firnble? Hear do
brat! Wliar’s dat ball o’ beeswax what
I loan yer mamma las’ week ?”
“Don’t know."
“ I dar say you don’t know. Let me
look inter dat moufo’ yours. Yougood
fur-nnffui little brat, dar’s beeswax
stickin’ in every toof ye got in yer head !
Now you wants my firnble to swallerdat,
1 reckon. Git home, you little polecat,
an’ ax yer gruntin' ole nimbler wedder
she s’pocts I’se gwine fur to ’stribute
my prop’ty over tlie country like dat!”
Outrage on a Colored Clergyman.
Tlie Itov. Jim Groce received a call
from a Galveston colored congregation,
provided he gave satisfaction. Last
Bunday After it he preached he walked bis trial home sermon. witli
was over
Uncle Mose, who is celebrated for his
candor.
“Dat ar congregation,” said (he
Reverend Groce, patronizingly, “iso im¬
posed of de finest-lookin' body of men J
ebber saw.”
“Ef dat ar is yonr pinyon, you should
nebber ball called ’em ‘belubbed bred
ern. 1 •>
, ‘Why not, Uncle Mose? ’
“ Because you don’t look like you be
longed to de family.”
There now exists a polar wave, or .. a
glacial period, lie tween Uncle Mose and :
the new pastor, and there is some talk j
of a hostile meeting with brickbats.—
Galveston Newt. i
I
— I u* Providence (R. I.).Journal wants
a ca de to 1» riuuda. But no telephone
during the onion tcaaon.
A beaming and smile in came sing-song over the voice bo
agent’s face, a
began:
“I am offering, in seventeen volumes,
Dr. Whiffletree’a Observations in Pales¬
tine, a book that should be in every fam¬
ily, a book that comprises the views of
the intelligent doctor on what ho saw in
the Holy Land, with numerous specu¬
lations and theories on wlmt he did not
see, altogether forming a theology complete and li¬
brary of deep research, pure this
chaste imagery. I am now offering
invaluable dented low encyclopedia price of $2 for volume, the unprece¬ which
a
is really giving if away for nothing---”
After the book agent had kept this up
for about ten minutes, ho began showing to grow
discouraged, for, instead tho ticket of
signs of weakening, begged agent,
with an ecstatic smile on liis face,
the eloquent man to keep on.
The book agent stopped to rest liis
jaw, when ticket the man reached out his
hand and said: “ Shako, old fel! Como
inside and take a chair, and sing that all
over again. That cheers mo up like a
cocktail. 1 used to bo a book agent
myself before I reformed and went into
tho railroad business, aud that is liko
music to me. It soothes me all over.
It calls back hallowed memories of tha
past, and makes mo want to go out on
tho road again. 1 would rather pay $21)
than have you leave Galveston. You
must come around every day. I
could listen to that all day, and cry for
more.”
Tho book agent shut his book aud
said:
“ Borne infernal hyena has given mo
away ; but there is another railroad that
I can got out of this one-horse town on.
I’ll not consent to travel on any road
that don’t employ gentlemen with who can
treat a cash customer common po¬
liteness. You can’t capture my book on
any terms, and if you will come out of
your cage I’ll punch your head in less
time, than you can punch a ticket,” And
he passed out like a beautiful dream.—
Galveston News.
Why Lincoln Appointed Him.
The Rev. Jamen Shrigley, who is well
known here, was appointed by President
Lincoln a hospital chaplain during tho
war. Pending his confirmation by tho
United States, a self-constituted commit¬
tee of tho Young Men’s Christian Asso¬
ciation called 011 the President to protest
against tlie appointment. After Mr.
Bhrigloy’s name had boon mentioned, tho
President said:
“Oh, yes, X have sent it to the Senate.
His testimonials are highly will satisfactory, doubt
and tho appointment early day.” no ha
confirmed at an
The young man replied: the “But, si*, wo
have come not to ask for appointment,
but to solicit you to withdraw the nomi¬
nation, on tlui ground that Mr. Shrigley
is not evangelical in liis sentiments.”
“Ah!” said tho President, “that alters
the case. On what unsound?” point of doctrine is
the gentleman does not believe in endless
“Ho pun¬
ishment,” was the another reply. of tho commit¬
“Yes,” added
tee, “I10 believes that oven tho rebels
themselves will finally bo saved, and it
will never do to have a man with such
views hospital chaplain.” hesitated for
The President to reply 4
moment , and then responded with au
emphasis they will long remember: “If
that be so, gentlemen, whereby and there tlie be rebels any
way under heaven
can be saved, then, for God’s soko, let
the gentleman be appointed 1”
Ilo was appointed. —Beading (Pa.)
Altered Times.
In the year 1071, on the second read¬
ing of a Frill in the House of Commons
for building a bridge over the Thames,
at Putney, delivered nft«* a number in of members
had speeches ridicule of tho
idea., Bir Henry Herbert, just before tlm
House divided, rose and said : “I hon¬
estly confess myself an enemy to mo¬
nopolies. I am equally opposed to mad,
visionary projects ; aud in 1 may be per¬
mitted to say that the late King’s
reign several of these thoughtless inven¬
tions were thrust upon the House, but
were rnos. properly rejected. If a man,
sir, were to conic to the liar of the House
and tell ns that lie proposed to convey
us regnlai lv to Edinburgh, in coaches,
in seven days, and bring us buck in
seven more, should we not vote him to
Bedlam? Surely we should, if we did
him justice; or, if another, that ha
would sail to the East Indies in six
months, should we not punish linn for
practicing upon served our him credulity rightly.” ? Assur¬
edly, if we Tlie
journey from London to Edinburgh is
now accomplished in something like
eh v u hours. What would Sir Henry
think now, could he arise from liis
grave ?
_
— D nrb'rn Odues, of li <k'v n, N.
H., aim dud <: only of apoplexy a few
cays ‘ ago, at r e age iif hcn i i i-e'-ven
years, was widely known for L * eeti
triedics. H<- was born bom ulli I toof
under whi-h he always lived, v.i' he
single exception of a year. V hough,
the be-1 trout-brook ii the t wii r»n
through tns land, lie made liisho st that
he never owneo a fi-ti-p le, a d g, or
a gun. Nortin ru Railroad ran
through farm, and the stm on was
wit trill a rods of his hou-o. u’ he
never stopped his foot upon the ears Put
once, a d then, as he expressed it, lie
“got off a great sight quicker than ha
got in, and beared about to litath.” — N.
y 1 >,M,