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THE JOKERS’ BUDGET.
BOAT WE FIND IN THE HUMOROUS
PAPERS TO LAUGH OVER.
Piot a Selfish Man The Same Cat—Senator
Davis’s Itace, Etc.
A RACE.
Senator Davis who is now enjoying his
honeymoon takes the jokes of his friends
in very good humor. “While he was
dining one day at Wormley’s with some
friends, among whom was Mr. Evarts,
the conversation drifted to athletic sports
and foot faces. Mr. Evarts, with a view
to one of his sarcastic jests, turned to
the great trunk alongside of him, from
which he himself may be supposed to
have been whittled off’ as a sliver, and
suggested that such sports were entirely
out of liis line. ‘Well, Evarts’, replied
Judge Davis, ‘perhaps you think I can’t
run ? Now, look here, I’ll bet you a case
of wine I can heat you in a hundred
yards if you will let me choose my
ground and will give me five yards start.
I’m heavy, you know, and want solid
footing.’ Mr. Evarts *was satisfied that
he ‘had a dead sure thing,’ and as the
©veiling had advanced the dignified still com¬ fur.
pany resolved to unbend itself
ther for the sport. ‘Gome on, then’,
shouted the Senator, ‘follow me!’ So
away they went., down to a narrow and Thir¬ alley
that runs between Twelfth
teenth streets. Marching into it for the
distance of five yards, while his arms
touched the brickwork on each side, he
•quietly observed: ‘Now, Evarts, get in
behind me, aud take your time. I am
going to take mine!’ ”
WHY HE LEFT A RESTAURANT.
“So you have left our restaurant?” said
one man to another on the Call Board
last week, “what’s the trouble?”
“Oh, I got thoroughly saturated with
disgust.” “Disgusted, eh? What at?”
“Why you see it is right here. I got
tired of ordering corn beef and cabbage,
and hearing blanket!’ the waiter Bing buttons’ out, ‘Red
rag with a ‘cuff for
codfish balls, ‘cotton batts’ for hot rolls,
and ‘brown paper for one’ when I order
buckwheat cakes. All this, together links
with ‘Odd Felloxvs’ for three of
sausage, disgusted me, and I quit.”
THE SAME CAT.
The following lived story is told of George N.
Briggs, who in Watertown, Y.:
When he was about 14 years of age, he
conceived the idea that his father was
not treating him exactly iu the manner
he should, and like a great many other
young men, he resolved to leave the pa¬
ternal mansion. So he went to Cape
Vincent and shipped on a schooner
bound down the river. On reaching
Clayton, George was not only homesick,
but also seasick. The schooner touched
Clayton, and George, with a face longer
than the moral law, was gazing Wolfe
Islandward. Some one tapped him on
the shoulder; George looked up ; it was
his father. boat, He aud followed reached him silently island
from the the
just before supper; he greeted his
mother with a tender smile, and as he
looked around the house he saw the big
Maltese cat by the stove. Then George
found words to speak, and this was what
he said:
“Why, mother, you have the same
cat you had when I left home.” George
had" been away from home just thirty
nine hours.
A HOPELESS CASE.
A diner-out, who has had more than
his share of wine, night, is, esrefuUy when he feelhutfcjs unfort
way home at 11
nately stumbles against the circular rail!
ing which surrounds a statue.
After having gone around it about
seven times, the hopelessness of his situ¬
ation flashes upon him with vividness,
and he sinks down upon the pavement
outside with a despairing shriek:
“The scoundrels ! They’ve Ehut me
in here !”
HE WAS NOT SELFISH.
Of the late Joseph Iasigi, the vener¬ is
able Boston merchant, a good story the
related by the Hingham Journal to
following effect:
One tine Sunday morning the bark
Sea Bird, owned by the old firm of Iasigi
& Goddard, was hauling into the dock,
just arrived from a voyage to the Med¬
iterranean, on xvhich voyage she had
beateu the famous clipper Race Horse.
Learning that she was signalled below,
the two partners met for congratulation, clothes,
and, attired in their Sunday Everything
repaired to the wharf. was
in apple-pie order, aiul the bright paint
and glittering rigging delighted the two
owners, as well as the crowd of bystand
ers wlio had gathered. As she drew
near enough to the capsill to board, the
tide being low, the distance to her deck
was too great for a jump, and Mr. Iasigi
seized hold of a backstay and, clenching
it tightly, slid nimbly to the deck, but
to his dismay the rigging had been
freshly tarred, and his hands were com¬
pletely embalmed. Quick as lightning
he concealed this, and when a ladder
was placed for his partner to descend, he
stepped briskly to the foot of it, and
pretending to be one of the newly ar¬
rived, grasped the hand of Mr. Goddard
with “ Good morning, Missur Goddard !
I make you much joy,” of course trans¬
ferring a large part of the black pitch to
the delicate white hand which his part
ner had readily extended, but which
was indignantly withdrawn when Mr. I.
exclaimed, “Missur Goddard, I takes
noting from dis bark I not share vis
you.”
KNOWING SOMETHING.
An amusing incident recently took
place at a trial in London. The prose¬
cuting counsel, Mr. Saunders, examined
the constable who had made the arrest of
the prisoner, and asked: “Well, what
did the prisoner say ?” Constable—“Ah !
you want to know something.” [Laugh¬
ter.] Mr. Saunders—“Yes; I want yon
to tell me what he said.” Constable—
“You want to know something.” [Con¬
tinued laughter.] The learned counsel
appeared disconcerted, and constable appealed ought to
the Bench whether the
not to answer the question. Mr. Fletch¬
er—“Certainly.” (To tbe constable) Consta¬ :
“What did the prisoner say?” something.”
ble—“You want to know
[Roars of laughter.] Up to this time
the prosecuting counsel had only casual¬
ly referred to his brief, but suddenly his
eye rested on the constable’s evidence
given before the magistrate, which was
to the effect that on the prisoner being
given into his charge, he asked him
what he was doing in the fowl-house,
and his reply was: “You want to know
something,” a remark which explained
the equivocal answers of the constable.
NO FIRE-ESCAPE FOR HIM.
A “commercial traveler,” says the
Reno Gazette , called at the Palace Hotel
to-day and wanted to sell a patent fire
escape apparatus. A1 White wanted to
know how the thing worked. “All
you’ve got to do,” said the agent, “ is to
make the rope fast to the leg of a bed¬
stead, in case of fire, and slide down.”
A1 gave a grunt and said: “That’s a neat
racket, ain't it? Every man in the house
would slide out that way and the con¬
cern .would hi bankrupt in less and than strike a
week. Go West, my son,
somebody greener than we are.”
a White LUy for Parepa Rosa.
The season of music was closing
Satiated with praise, Parepa Rose drew
her fur wrap around her shoulders, aud
stepping from the private entrance oi
the “Grand” was about to enter her car¬
riage when “Please, mi ladi," in low,
pleading accents, arrested her attention.
It was only the shrunken, misshapen
form of little Elfin, the Italian street
singer, with his old violin under his arm;
but the face upturned and iu the gaslight,
though pale pinched, was as deli¬
cately cut as a cameo while the eager,
wistful light in the great, brilliant eyes,
the quiver of entreaty in the soft Italian
voice held her for a moment against the her
escort’s endeavor to save her annoy¬
ance of hearing a beggar’s plea.
“Well?” said the great singer, half
impatient, yet full of pity.
“Would mi ladi please?” in sweet
broken English, ana the slender brown
hands of the dwarf field up a fragrant'
white lily, with a crystal drop in its
golden heart.
“Do you mean this lovely flower her for
me ?” A passionate the flower, gesture Parep, was Rosa an
swer. Taking heard
bent her stately head. “You me
sing?” ladi, I hid tender the stair. ’Twas
“Mi
yesterday 1 heard the -oice. Oh, mi
ladi, I could die The -words came
brokenly from quivering lips, passion¬
ately in earnest. The loud voice of the
world she had just left had never -,hown
Parepa Rosa the power of her grand
voice, as she saw it now in these soft,
dark eyes aflame, and in the sobbing,
broken words, “Mi ladi, on ! mi ladi—I
could die,”
“Child,” and her voice trembled,
“meet me here to-morrow at five,” and 1
holding the lily caressingly to her cheek,
she stepped into her carriage and was
driven away.
It was Parepa Rosa’s last night. In a
box near the stage sat little Elfin,
like one entranced. Grandly the clear 1
voice swelled its triumphant chords, and
rang amid the arches with unearthly
power and sweetness. The slight frame
of the boy swayed intense and shook, and his a look
so wrapt, so came on face,
you knew his very heart was stifled.
Then the wondrous voice thrilled softly,
like the faint sound of bugles in the
early morn; again its sweetness stole
over you like the distant chimes of ves¬
per bells. Encore after encore followed.
The curtain rolled up for the last time,
and as simply as possible the manager
told the audience of the preceding
night’s incident, and announced that
Parepa Rosa’s farewell to them would
be the simple ballad warbled many a
bitter day through the city streets by
little Elfin, the Italian musician. Long
and prolonged was the applause, and at
the first pause, s weiring to*
Trace, came our quee'jof song. At her
breast was tito £»#gpant lily. Queen,
too, by right of her beautiful, unstained
womanhood, as well as l>y stood the power moment, of
her sublime voice, she a
then sang clearly and softly the ballad,
with its refrain, of “Farewell, Sweet
Land.” Accompanying her came the
low, sweet wail of little Elfin’s violin.
There was silence in that great house at
the close, then a shout went up that
shook the mighty pillars. A whisper
being heard that Parepa Rosa meant to
educate the boy musically, the the generous of
hearts of a few had opened To-day gates is
fortune for little Elfin. he
great and famous, “the bfi, • violinist,”
and they call him to play before princes.
Parepa Rosa ! God called thee in thy
perfect womanhood, but thy voice lives
m our hearts, and at the last great day
it shall be written in shining letters on
thy name: “Inasmuch as ye did it unto
the least of these, ye did it unto Me.”—
Mary L. Wright, in the Detroit Free
Press.
The New Member.
The new member of Congress remained
in town. “I tell you what,” he says,
“the President is a trump. I went up
to the White house the other day daughter to see
about makin’ Mariar Price’s
postmaster at North Fork, and the
President, he was takin’ a lot of other
fellers in to lunch with him. So he says,
kinder friendly like, ‘Come, lunch and won’t glass you
jine us and take some a
of wine?’ So I bowed and said, ‘I’m
your man, Mr. President.’ So we went in
and set down, and they had some of them
pesky finger howls with lemon in the
bottom of them. When the raw oysters
come on they seemed mighty stingy with
their lemon, so I took a untcsacker and
I picked the lemon up and put it on my
oysters. They had been tellin’ about
the way the President used to whoop up
the boys in New York, and when they
Bee me going for the lemon, some of
them fellers stopped and begun snicker¬ Presi¬
in' and laffin’, but next thing the
dent he fetched up his lemon with a fork,
and put on his oysters, and them chaps
stopped laffin’ and looked as solemn as a
funeral after that. ”
Ran Away.
We are all dual beings in a way that
this little story from the Detroit Free
Press illustrates: “A day or two since
a well-knoxvn physician called to see a
lady patient, the mother of a bright
three-year-old girl. As the doctor entered
the room the little girl, as though some¬
what frightened, ran away upon being
told that the visitor was Dr. -. The
mother explained that the little one
through experience with a dislocated
ankle and the vaccination season, was
evidently afraid of the visitor. The fol¬
lowing day the doctor made another call
.and succeeded in winning the little girl
to his knee. yesterday?” ‘Why did you asked. run ‘Oh, away I
from me he
didn’t run away from .you. I ran away
from the doctor of you,’ she responded
vigorously.”
THE PIRATES OF BARATARlA.
Ijafltte and His Bold Privateers oi the
In George W. Cable’s
paper, in the Century, on
ters and Pirates of Louisiana,” chiefs occurs
the following description of the of
the Pirates of Borataria:
Much ink has been spilled from that
dav to this to maintain that they sailed
under letters of marque. But certainly
no commission could be worth the nn
rolling when carried by men who had re
moved themselves beyond all the re
attaints that even seem to distinguish
privateering from piracy. vessels They and booty, were
often overstocked with
but they seem never to have been em
barrassed with the care of prisoners.
There lived at this time, in New Or
leans, John and Pierre Latitte. John,
the younger, but more conspicuous of
the two, was a handsome mau, fair, with
black hair and eyes, wearing his beard,
as the fashion was, shaven neatly back
from the-front of bis face. His manner
was generally courteous, though he was
iraeeible and in graver moments some
what harsh.
He spoke fluently English, Spanish, with
Italian, and French, hotel using them he
much affability at the where re
sided, and indicating, in the peculiarities cityof
of his French, his nativity in the
Bordeaux.
The elder brother was a sea-faring
rnan and had served in the French navy,
He appears to have been every way loss
showy thiui the other; but beyond occupation doubt
both men were aliove the
with which they began life in Louisiana,
This was the trade of blacksmith, though Philip
at their forge, on the corner of St.
and Bourbon streets, probably none but
slave bauds swung the sledge or shaped
the horseshoe.
It was during the embargo, enforced
by the United States GovernmeSt~%i
1808, that John Lafitte began to be a
street, merchant. where, His behind store was show iu of Royal legiti
a
mate trade, he goods was busy Africans. running the
embargo with and He
wore the disguise cai’elessly. He was
cool and intrepid and had only the
courts to evade, and his unlawful adven
toes did not lift his name from the
lished lists of managers of society balls
or break his acquaintance * with prominent
legislators. * * Lafitte became
John and Pierre the
commercial agents of the “privateers.”
By and by they were their actual chiefs,
They prizes won great rich prosperity and frequent, for the band; slave
were and
cargoes profitable. John LAJtte did not
at this time go to sea. Ho*-© topped
vessels, sent them on their cruise'., sold
their prizes and slaves, and moved hither
and thither throughout the Dolta, ad
ministering affairs with boldness and
sagacity. Mississippi’s “coasts”
The in the
parishes of St. James and St. John the
Baptist were often astir with liis known
presence, and his smaller vessels some
times pierced the interior _ far Lac.
as as
des Allemnnds. He knew the value of
popular admiration, and was often at
country halls, where he enjoyed the
fame of great riches and courage, andse
duced many of the simple Acadian youtli
to sail in Lis cruises. His two principal
captains were Beluche aud Dominique
You.
“Captain Dominique” ' was small,
graceful, fair, of a pleasant, even at
tractive face, and a skillful sailor. There
wero also Gambi, a handsome Italian
pirate li’ed.tov village a few ofente years ago at the t
Rigoult, dark ox Friwichru , fW
and a
ancient bonso still stands on Terr', (» ,.cu.
Isle, the island next again to Qrande Jolinncss and on
the west. And yet
Johaimot, unless-which appears likely
_these were only the real names of
Dominique and Beluche
The Li ght We nt Out.
Not long ago I stood by the death-bed
of a little girl. From her birth she had
been afraid of death. Every fiber of her
body and soul recoiled from tho thought
of it. “Don’t let me die,” she said;
‘don’t let me die. Hold me fast. Oh. I
jan’tgo.” “Jenny,” I said, “you have
two little brothers in the other world,
and there are thousands of tender-hearted
people over there who will love you and
take care of you.” But she cried out
again despairingly, “Don’t lot me go;
they are strangers over there.” Sho was
a little country girl, strong limbed, fleet
of foot, tanned in the face; she was raised
on the frontier; the fields were her home.
In vain we tried to reconcile her to the
death that was inevitable. “Hold me
fast,” she cried, “don’t let me go.” But
even as she was pleading her little bauds
relaxed tlieir clinging hold from my
waist and lifted themselves eagerly aloft;
lifted themselves with such straining
effort that they lifted the wasted little
body from its reclining position among
the pillows. Her face xvas turned up¬
ward; but it was her eyes that told the
story. They were filled with the light of
Divine recognition. They saw something
plainly that xve could not see; and they
grew "brighter quivered and in brighter, and her
little baud eagerness to go
where strange portals had opened upon
lier astonished vision. But even in flint
supreme moment she did not forget to
leave a word of comfort for those who
xvould gladly have died in her place:
“Mamma,” she was saying, I’m “mamma,
they are not strangers. not afraid.”
And every instant the light burned more
gloriously in her blue eyes till at last it
seemed as if her soul leaped forth upon
its radiant waves, and in that moment
her trembling form relapsed among its
pillows and she was gone.
A Tramp.—A hungry little girl was
begging in Des Moines. A man
dropped a five cent piece into her hand.
A tramp came along, told the child that
he had eaten nothing in a xveek, and so
impressed her with his greater distress
.that she forgot her own, and gave him
the coin. Then he went to the nearest
groggery and bought a glass is of whisky.
The climax of the story a tremendous
whipping, given to the tramp by *be
original donor ot the nickeL
Baked Beans. —“Let your beans sim¬
mer in warmwater slowly, the xvith molasses and
and mustard; then put in pork
bake a long time. A small green onion
adds a delicious flavor.” This is the
latest recipe for Boston “baked beans. ”
PROF. MORSE’S SUCCESS.
Recollection.* of a Kemnrkahle and Historio
Scene in the Capitol.
“Wliat is new to-day will be old to
morrow,” remarked ex-Govemor James
Pollock, Naval Officer of this port, dur
mg a recent conversation. “No future
discovery stubborn incredulity will be received with the same
that greeted the
electric telegraph. Speaking of the tele
graph, I have always thought that Pro¬
lessor Joseph Henry laid the foundation
for Morse’s wonderful triumph as ©ai'ly
as 1832. Henry had stretched three or
four miles of wire, through which ho ac
tnally Morse sent signals. However, after
had completed his experiments,
and had demonstrated the practicability
of his invention, he applied to the
Twenty-eighth for Congress, of which I was
a member, an appropriation of $30,
000 to assist in the erection of a liuo be*
tween Baltimore and Washington,
“The bill was referred to the Ways
and Means committee, I think, but when
reported back to the House it was ridi
culed by many members, especially by
same gentlemen from the West. To iu
dicate the absurdity with which he re
garded the invention, one member
moved to increase the appropriation to
$100,000, iu order to extend the wires to
the moon, emphasizing a bad pun by
saying that no one but a hma-tie would
want to use such a medium of communi
cation. Another gentleman suggested
$150,000, in order to extend the lines to
the North Pole and into Simm’s Hole so
that the people at tho center of the ©tirtli
could be communicated with. The bill
passed House and Senate. Tho money
was known, appropriated. and is only prefatory All of this is well- I
to what
now sav.
“Iu May, 1844, it was announced in
Congress that on the opening of the
Democratic. National Convention at Balti
more ready the now business. telegraph The hues Washington would be
for
terminus was in one of the rooms of the
Capitol. When the day arrived a few of
the members of Congress assembled in
that room, I among the number. After
wait ing a considerable time, amid exp 1VH
sious of hope or doubt from the friends
or critics of the inventor, all talk was
suddenly machine. checked impressive by the choking silence of the
An of
seventeen minutes followed. The ma
chine worked ! Finally solemnity tho operator
read with considerable the first
message ever received: ‘What hath
God wrought?’ All were awe-stricken
for a moment. It has always been a
pleasant, memory that I was present,
Silence was followed by expressions of
admiration.
“Then a few gentlemen boldly de
nouuced the message as a trick. Some
warm words were spoken. But in the
course'of an hour the proceedings from
the National Convention began to arrive,
The unbelievers continued to doubt. No
docision could be reached until tho mprn
ing papers were received. It is needless
to say that the telegraphic messages
were ful fully substantiated. each This wonder
scene continued day during the
session of the convention at Baltimore,
closing with the nomination of James K.
Polk. Tho result was so unexpected as
to carry conviction. Then there wero
only forty miles of telegraph; to-day
there are over 800,000 miles in operation.
I nine saw the beginning—it ”—Philadelphia was only thirty
years ago. Times.
Two Romances in Real Life.
, ’*<• hug lawyer in Now
,r, _
' '7 ,'y
*> mnocout - face and r . wit .‘"a of
a
Welsh chambermaid m his father shohsc,
and declared that he preferred her to all
tl ie fasJuoxiable beauties who had courted
his notice.
His family protested, . but to no would pur¬
pose. The only concession he
make was to consent to go to Europe for
tlireo years before marrying tho girl. In
tho meantime, having an independent of
fortune, the lover placed Now York. her at ono
the best schools in
Tho girl was ambitious and devoted in
lior affection to the man who had chosen
her. He returned, found her rnoro lovely
than ever. They were married, ami the
lady is now ono of the leaders of society
in the city where they live—a noble, re¬
fined, charming woman. well Penn¬
. An eminent jurist, known in
sylvania in the early circuit” part of this horseback, century,
was stopped “malting the dinner the on of
and for at house a
farmer. The daughter of the farmer Lad
waited on cynic them, and women—observed the judge—who the
been a about
peculiar gentleness of her voice and a
certain sweet candor in her face. After
dinner the farmer suid—
“Mary, bring the judge’s horse.”
Mary started to the field, which was
inclosed by a barred fence. Laying her
hand oil the topmost rail, she vaulted
lightly over. said judge afterward,
“I saw,” the with the
“for the first time, a woman
mind and body I should require in my
wife. I called again and again at Farmer
G.’s. At last I sent Mary to school for a
couple of years, and here she is,” nod¬
ding liis to the stately matron who presided
at table.
The sons of the judge and this real
Maude Muller all attained distinction;
one, like his father at the bar; another
was an eminent divine, and a third was a
Southern candidate for the Presidency.
All were noted for their fiery eloquence, certain
tlieir high sense of honor aud a
appetite for fighting which was well S'Is
tained by strong physical health. The
judge had not been mistaken in Mary’s
qualities of mind or body.
A Misunderstanding.— A young man
married the (laughter of his boarding¬
house mistress at Fort Worth, Texas,
without coining to any understanding as
to the pecuniary nature of his future
relations with the establishment. At
the end of a week after the wedding the the
landlady presented a bill for txvice
amount which he had previously paid,
intending to charge him for both him
-elf and his wife. His view of the mat¬
ter xvas wholly different. He refused expected
to lie boarded free. So he to
settle. On returning from a theatre
with his bride he found the doors locked
,md tlieir wardrobe and other effects
piled on t he sidewalk.
_____
Girls are more courageous than men.
They are ready to make a match xvith a
fellow twice their size.
CRIME IN THE BLOOD.
Whole Families Who Have Been Raised in
Crime.
“Is there such a tiling as hereditary
criminal instinct?” asked a St. Louis re
porter of the fore#of detectives who con
gregated at headquarters of getting to “sign up for in
the (lay,” with a view most
formation from their unanimous opinion.
“Such a thing as crime running in
families?” repeated Detective Lawler,
“Yes, there is, and there is no better
proof of it than wo can show right here
m St. Louis, whero there are several
families, nearly every member of wliicli
has been convicted of crime. In one of
the murder cases now before the Criminal
Court a defense of hereditary love and
yearning for strong drink is to be intro
duced as a defense, and on just ns good
grounds some of the criminals locked up
in our jail and in Jefferson City Peniten
tiary might set up a defense of heredi
tary inclination to bo criminals. It is
uot an extremely uncommon thing to find
whole families participating days in and living had
by crime. Only a few sheriff ago of St. we Fran- u
ease in the jail. The his to the Peni
eois County, Mo., on way in charge
teutiary, had five prisoners of from two to
‘going up’ on sentences
six years. They had been detected in
burglary of a farm-house in St. Francois
County, and it was supposed this description that this
was not the first job of part. The
in which they had taken a
principal prisoner was under a six-year
sentence. His wife was going to the pen
for four years, aud liis brother and sis
ter for three and two years respectively.
The father and mother were dead or they
would probably have had a place in this
fiunily group. This however, is rather an
instance of a family uniting efforts iu the
perpetration of a single felony.” descrip
“Have we any families of this
tion in St. Louis ?”
“Yes; only they are a stronger proof of
the fact that a tendency to commit crime
is transmitted from father to son and per
vades a whole family. There is ono
family here named McGuire. The old
man has been in tho pen, and two of liis
sons are making tall efforts to follow in
the foot-prints of their respected father, tho
There is another family here, all
members of which are not criminals, and
ns the two respectable persons in it bear
tlie family name, it would bo wrong to
implicate them by a publication. officer They
will be readily identified by any
011 the force and many of their victims
when you state that the most daring of
the batch arc Tommy M-s and his
sister Kate. There wero five boys and
two girls. Three of the boys turned out
to be thieves, and tho two girls as bad.
The girls are living with two men enjoy- dock
ing the reputation of thieves, and
“ted iu the Rogues’ Gallery as ‘palls’ of
their three worthy brothers-in-law. This
hatch lias been repeatedly arrested, but
we have never succeeded in getting harm’s more
than one of them out of way.
Another family named Bryland There worked
St. Louis for a long time. all died were of
four boys in this gang, but
consumption, brought on by Hie night
work done by them in had weather aud
dissipation.” not blooded crooks from
“These are
their birth, are they ?”
“Well, you would think they wero if _ you
knew them,for theyHave a regular growth.
The little ones begin at petty thefts from
hawkers' and farmers’ wagons, market
stalls and grocery store exhibits and rail
road freight oars, for which, on account
of the smallness of the offense and of¬
fender, they escape punishment. The
next step is pulling dampers; that is
science, is the fit anii 1/ vltte
stage they are taken in towbyVh! ir lifted elder
brothers and sorve as ‘kids,’ to Re perform
in a window, to open a door, or
similar functions. After this performing they are
full-fledged and capable of
jobs for tbemsolvea.”
Aphorisms From the Quarters.
Some pocket-kriifes mus’ a’ been made
to len’ out.
A man dat kin make a libin’ lioe-handle. playin’ de
fiddle ain’t ap’ to pester xvid de right smart
’Oasionally, a find man his knife when it git
edication can’t
in de xvrong pocket. roomatiz is ap’ to p’int
A long bes’ spell friends. o’
out your
D<- rainbow might be hotter lookin’ ef
’twa’n’t soch a cheap show. po’
De bottom o’ de meal-box mighty
music.
Big blaze o’ fire can’t rous’ your ’ta
ters.
De lies’ seed ain’t bound to mako big
water-milions.
It’s a mighty rotten old house dat
won’t make kindlin’-wood.
Bresh-fire soon gone.
Heap o’ wummy scaly-barks come orf
de top limbs.
De crawfish gits into trouble by build
in’ too fine a eliimley to a little house.
You can’t take de twis’ out de gra'
vinc by cultervatin’ it.
Peacock can’t hide his foots by spread
in’ his tail.
Green ’simmons ain’t ’fraid o’ nobody.
Edication don’t come by bumpin’ ’g’in’
de school-’ouse.
When do morkin’-bird try to mnrk
eb’rything, he bonn’ to let out some
music dat ain’t wuf much.
It’s a mighty lazy nigger dat wont
keep liis ax sharp. de garden is
A hole under palin’s a
hard secret to keep. hit lif’
See whar you gwine to fo’ you
your hoe.
SftH’fim-root tea wont hu’t your ’spec
terbility when de crap come out short.
Too much trabblm’ on do railroad
make some folks lose de right lick for de
cotton-patch. when martin
De young peaches safe de
start her nee’.
You dou’t need much fence roun’ do
cowcumber vine.— J. A Macon, in
the Century
When Ren a tor Vest was solicited by
the suffrage-begging women to help
theit cause, says a Washington contend¬ letter,
lie listened patiently while they
ed, in the usual style, that the woman
the equal of the man and ought to
hold office—any office, Senator, Gov¬
ernor, Postmaster, Justice of tho Peace
or Constable—anything, indeed. “Great
heavens,” said Vest, it. “doyou mean that?
Now, just think of Think of a man
going home and kissing a justice of the
peace, or telling a friend that he xvas in
love with a constable ! It is dreadful!”
A CHAPTER ON GAMBLING.
f What a Reformed Gambler has to Say
About it.
“In every gambling hell, however
young and inexperienced the majority
of the dealers may appear to be,” says a
reformed gambler, “ there is * an artist’
who knows everything necessary to get
the sucker’s money, and he is always
called upon for the heavy work. Ten
cent games have the most patrons.
They keep ice water and bad whisky for
their customers, and each robs the com
paratively poor who frequent them out
of $10,000 to $40,000 a year. Next in
order are $15 limit games, each of which
wins $15,000 to $50,000 a year. Then
comes tho 25-cent check games, which
furnish better drinks, have bolder play
ers, are less frequented by boys than
the preceding ones, have $25 limit, aud
win from $20,000 to $-100,000 a year,
Last of all, and highest, are the big
games that pay $100 limit—liable to in
crease to accommodate a sucker in haste
to got ride of his money—whore they
supply players with all sorts of fine
liquors in and serve suppers. Tims* pach
rake from $50,000 to $200,000 a year,
and sometimes take as much as $50,000
in a single night.
“ The company found in a gambling
hell is the most demoralizing that exist.
President Eliot of Harvard University
xvas complainant against a gambling hell
in Boston on the ground that tho young
men attending the college were ruining
themselves there. It would be well if
some of the college presidents of New
York would follow his example if they
Jo not wish their students to be gradu
ated as gamblers. It is not an infre
quent gambling, thing to find students •ruined by
ruined in soul as well as pock
ot, before they are men. A graduate of
a theological seminary is now a dealer
in a ten-eent game in New York City.
“The principal games in gambling
hells in this country are known as faro,
roulette, red and black, hazard, and
sweat. Hazard and sweat are dioe games,
At best tho percentage against tho play-)
or is 15 per cent., but the gambler makes
eure thing of robbing him by using
dice loaded with quicksilver. Red and
black is played a great deal in the lowest
class of policy shops by the poorest
whites and colored people. Tho per
ceutage in tho dealer’s favor is from 7 to
37 per cent., or as much more as the
dealer thinks safe if ho uses a two-card
popular box. Roulette, wliieh lins become quite
in tho last few years, is played
both with the thirty-six wheel, on which
tho porcontago against tho player is 6
por cont., and the snap wheel, which on¬
ables the dealer to throw the hall to red
or black, or odd or oven, just as he
pleases, in which case the percentage is
vastly greater. Faro is t he great gam
bling game of the country. At the faro
table more money has been lost, more
homes lives blighted, destroyed, more hearts broken,
more and moro swindlers
1U1 <| thieves made than anywhere else by
iul y other agency in the land. The per
ceutage in favor of the bank, in faro, is
variously estimated at from 3 to 10 per
cent., but nndor certain conditions it is
infinitely greater, ever in a square game.
When there aro threo cards iu the box
on tho last turn, for instance, tho bank
20 per cert, in its favor on all calls,
But human nature is the strongest per
ceutage in favor of the gambler. A mad,
always plays mpre to get even than to
win.”
The Wicked Boy.
"VrocoTAfim “TJOiat ails dt your pa’s !>oy~ teeth,” asked the
Hie ban “The hired
iTteeS.:-’ , Airl was over here to ,,ome com meal -
- 4 "Vvnur pa had
“Oh, about the teeth. That was too
bad. You see, my chum has got a dog
that is old, and his teeth have nil come
out in front, and this morning I homed
pa’s teeth before he got up, to see if we
couldn’t fix them in the dog’s mouth so
he could eat better. Pa says it is an
evidenoe of a kind heart for a boy to bo
good to dumb animals, hut it’s a dam
mean dog that will go hack on a friend.
Wo tied tho teeth 111 the dog’s mouth
with a string that went around his upper
jaw and another around his under jaw,
and you’d a dido to see how looked funny he
looked when he laffed. Ho just
like pa when ho tries to smile so as to
get mo to come up to him so he can lick
me. The dog pawed his mouth a spell
to get the teeth out, aud then we g ave
him a hone with some meat on, and ho
began to gnaw the bone, and the teeth
come off tho plate, aud he thought swallowed it
was pieces of the hone and he
tho teeth. My chum noticed it first, and
ho said we had got to get in our work
pretty quick to save the plates, and I
think wo wore in luck to save them. I
hold tho dog, and my chum, who was
better acquainted witli him, untied the
strings and got the gold plates out, but
there were only two teeth left, aud the
dog was happy. He woggled his tail
for more teeth, hut wo hadn't any more.
I am going to give him ma’s teeth some
day. My chum says when a dog gets au
appetite for anything you have got to
keep giving it to him or he goes back on
you. But I think mv chum played dirt
on me, We sold the gold plates to a
jewelry man, and my chum kept the
money .”—Milwaukee Sun. '
English School “Fags.”
Mr. Brinsley Richards, who has
written a book about Eton, thinks that
fugging is a great lcveler. He was ‘ ‘fag”
to a “swell,” who xvent by the name of
“Blazes.” When “Blazes” gave break¬
fasts his fags had to work like niggers.
“The dignity of a well-dressed boy does
not appear impressively when he is carry
ing down a populous highway a large drib¬
co vered dish, out of which gravy is
bling on to the pavement; but tignity
was a feather which you could only put
in your cap when you were in the fifth
form. I have seen the present Marquis
of Waterford cheerfully carrying Webber’s a dish
of eggs and bacon from for a
solicitor's son, and the Earl of Rose
berry (then Lord Dalmeny) running
swiftly down the high street with the
breeks of a parson's boy under his arm.
One morning, as I xvas going ‘up toxvn,*
a lower boy asked me to loan him 4d., as
he had just come out without his purse,
and had to bny some bloaters for his fag
master; it was the heir of the Duke of
Marlborough, the present Marquise “1
Blanilford.