Newspaper Page Text
ta t
CRAWFORDVILLE - - GEORGIA
GENERAL NEWS.
Sixty bushels of peach stones were
received at Hawthorne, Fla., last week,
which will be planted out for a nursery.
The oldest man in Pike county Ala
is said to be Thomas Grimes, of Spring
Hill. He is 106 years old.
During the year no less than 18,086
homesteads have been entered in Florida.
A new hotel, costing $500,000, is to be
built in New Orleans before the Exposi¬
tion opens.
It is estimated, so says the Palatka
Ilr-raJd, that tivo hundred thousand alli¬
gators were killed in Florida last year.
By the census of 1880 there were in
Alabama 1,335 physicians and surgeons,
798 lawyers, 1,214 clergymen, and 74
journalists.
A deposit of marl lyis been discover¬
ed on the Conecuh river, in Alabama,
which promises to be valuable for com¬
pounding with other elements as a ferti¬
lizer.
Two cypress trees have recently been
cut in Sumpter county, Fin. From one
33,000 shingles were made, and from the
other 87,000 shingles and 6,100 clap¬
boards were made.
Wolves are so plentiful in the Block
Mountains of North Carolina that they
are poisoned with strychnine, and their
depredations render fanning and sheep
raising very uncertain.
A Gum tree in Florida wns fired the
•therdny,and the occupants summarily
evicted were a swarm of bats, followed
by flying-squirrels, screech-owls, various
other night birds, two coons and one
’opossum,
It is probable that a telegraph line will
bo built from the cable ’of the Western
Union Company through tlio Everglades
to Jupiter Inlet, on the eastern coast of
Florida A survey of the country is to
be made as early as possible.
Pensacola Commercial: The moss
crop of this State is worth more than the
cotton, and can bo put on the market
■with very little expense. The demand
exceeds the supply, and there is not a
county in the State in which the product
is not now going to |waste.
The flogs at tho Louisvillo bench show
wore valued at $250,000. Fortunately
for the dog raising industry, they aro
exempted from taxation. Th< same
value in sheep would lm annually hui>d
anon t $>,500. Verily, the dogs are
ingtheir day.
Leeds is spoken of an the next mining
and manufacturing town in Alabama. Tts
situation is excellent, being in the bosom
of the great mineral sources, with plenty
of water power arouml, and a fine brae
ing climate. Several wideawake men
are already at work developing the place
Mtssifwii’Pi has $7,000,000 invented iu
manufacturing industries, » gain of 100
per cent, in five years, and Alabama has
$5,000,000 in tho iron production. The
lust South Carolina legislature chartered
nine now cotton factories with an aggre¬
gate capital of $1,725,000, and in three
years 275,139 spindles have boon added
to tho manufacturing capacity of the i
Carolinas, Alabama and Georgia.
A Machine for picking cotton has,
the Charleston News says, been satisfac
torilyjtested in Sumpture, SouthCamliun¬
its capacity is two hundred pounds pet
hour. The cost of picking the late crop
by hand was $50,000,000, or at the rate
of $7 per bale. The cost of picking by
machine will be $1 per bale. It is esti¬
mated that a third of the crop lias been
left in the field in seasons post because of
lack of hands, Tho machine will remedy
this.
Montgomery Advertiser and Mail :
The number of persons who emigrated
to Texas and other portions of the West
and are returning home is astonishing,
On on.’ of the north-bound trains of the
M. i, tudM. |,, _ read i , te t... nigntst h ug .
of the passengers, and on ano het sue
ceeding, sixty were returning from Texas
to their former homos in Alai nuna and
adjoining States^ Most of them were
former citizens of this Mate.
The origami seal of the Confederate
States, which is of massive stiver, is still
in the hands of an ex-Contodorate sol
dier, who treasures it carefully. It oou
aists of a device representing an eques
trian portrait of W adiington (after the
statue which surmounts his monument
in the Capital Squareat Richmond!, su to
rounded with a wreath compost'd of the
principal agricultural products of tho
Confederacy (cotton, tobacco, sugar¬
cane, corn, wheat), and having around it
the words, "The Confederate States of
America. Twenty-aeeond February,
Eighteen Hundred aud Sixty-two." with
the following motto: “Deo Yiudice.”—
The Confederate monument at Magnolia
Cemetery to the memory of the dead
w ho fell iu deft i St’ of Charleston boars
ou one of its f ■es an eniargtvl represen¬
tation of the great seal of the Confede¬
rate States.
EDITOttfAL -10TE8.
Germany haa 500 mills for the manu
facture of wood pulp. Such a degree of
Infection baa been attained in the treat¬
ment that even for the better qualities
ot paper the wood pulp is substituted
for pulp made from rags. It constitutes
70 per cent of the paper stock used
throughout Germany.
The Methodist Episcopal Mission at
Nfiw York appropriated $ J5 m for 2rjia .
sionary work in Bulgaria and Turkey,
$34,000 for Mexico, and $35,648 for Ja¬
pan. The total appropriations for for¬
eign missions is $370,898. The anpro
priationa for domestic missions are :
Arizona, $8,000 ; Black Hills, $3,600,
and Dakota $13,525.
Large fortunes are rare in Switzerland
and the salaries of public functionaries
are very modest. The president of the
confederation receives for his services
only $3,000 a year : few judges receive
more than $1,250, and there is probably
no bank manager in he country with a
salary of more than twice that amount.
A man with an income of $2,500 is con¬
sidered very well off indeed, and to have
$5,000 a year is to be “passing rich.”
General Wright, chief of enginees,
wants in the next fiscal year $36,730,485,
for use on the rivers and harbors. And
even this sum does not include the work
under tho direction of tho Mississipp
river commission. He proposes to ex¬
pend $90,000 in Charleston harbor,
$135,000 on the Ravannan river, and
$50,000 in Cumberland sound. The es¬
timates for tho Atlantic cost are for car¬
rying on operations on 145 of the 151
improvements in progress. They pro¬
vide for tho completion within the com¬
ing fiscal year of 75 of them.
While tho men and hoys of America
were drinking eight gallons apiece of
beer and whiskey last year they did not
exhaust the stock of the mmmfacturers
in this country. They exported over
5,000,000 gallons of spirits and supplied
Europe with 235,000,000 pounds of to¬
bacco. Tho tobacco went almost entirely
to England, France and Germany, while
the liquor found its way ov.ir almost the
entire area of the civilized world. In
spite of the fact flirt wo used 75,000,000
gallons of our own whiskey in the past
year, there were imported 8,000,000 gal
Ions of spirits of various sorts, which,
by the way, is more than wo exported in
the year. It is proper to odd, that the
internal revenue tax collected upon this
whisky, beer and tobacco during the
1 past fiscal year was $140,000,000. nnd
. -
that the internal system, .
revenue sn.ee
ite iuw P ti,,u hl 18<m - has brought into
the treasury a total of $3,087,376,125,05.
An adroit reasoner onco wrote an essay
ou tea as a cause of eri i e in which lie
contended that this mild beverage wrick¬
ed more nerves and ruined more consti¬
tutions than all tho various forms of
alcohol combined. Tho consumption of
tea is increasing rapidly and tea drinking
is becoming more and more of a social
customs in England and America. Sugar
is going out of favor at fashionable Ame¬
rican tea parties, nnd cream is losing
ground. The French drink their tea
very sweet and help themselves to sugar
with their fingers. The Russians, who
set many of our social customs for us,
prefer lemon with both hot and cold tea
aud seldom use sugar. The luxury of
tea drinking is said to be offered in its
most tempting form in Russia. Their
best brand costs ten dollars a pound aid
its proper preparation for the table is one
of the untiounl tine arts.
Some startling facts are disclosed in
the report of the commissioners of
internal revenue. I suit year the tobacco
factories in this country used 11,653,339
pounds of licorice iu fixing their goods
for the market. Besides this they used
11,257,100 pounds of sugar to make the
stuff taste good. The total amount of
tobacco manufactured in tho United
States last year was 110,000,000 pounds,
g,, that it is fair to conclude that teu per 1
cout of tlio tobacco chewed by free
American eitilens, is licorice ami another
t euper cent sugar New Jersey takes
th ,, wam the m an„faeture of tobacco,
^ Mlgsouri ft closo 8eooud . North
Carolina third, and New York fourth,
, u tho manufacture of cigars New York
u>ads tUe llgt< having w stories and
making a mill; million ugars a year, v I n he to
banco factories and importers supply for
every m , dt , person in the country* ten
pounds of chewing tobacco, three and a
; half inmuds of smoking tobacco two
^ ^ ^ h
' snu ; ... ,
F still * Every u male " u * 8U iu ’" 1 i , K
is worse. person the :
country could have had six gallons a
piece last year if the quantity eeonsum
ed had been elmally divided, while there
was enough malt liqnor destroyed to
furnish every man. woman and child
with ton-aliens r ',‘\‘ each * The ie >’ ^ * 11 *
luxuries, , while they , regaled the Ameri
can voter, paid t treasury $140.000.000.
One ui il mar Cli. u hrurv • tc
•
LATER NEWS.
Immense <)amagc»fas been done by a to r
nado in Oxford. Franklin and other counties
of Maine. Millions of trees were blown down,
many houses and bams destroyed, churches
unroofed and railroad bridges moved from
their foundations'. The lo.-.ses aggregate hun¬
dreds of thousands of dollars.
The sum of $150,000 has been raised by sub¬
scription for the purpose of establishing a
general Unitarian headquarters in Boston
and immediate steps will be taken to purchase
an eligible sight and erecta suitable buil ling.
At the Prospect Fair grounds, Brcx klyn
the hay gelding Frank, with running mate,
trotted a mile in 2:08’<f, thus beating 2;10J^>
the l<est record, which was made by Maud 8.
without mate.
John Waffix, of Cleveland, bet a dollar
that he could drink fifteen glasses of whisky
in fifteen minutes, and m-od the wager, bS*
lost his life.
Trinity cathedral, one of the most iriqios
ing Epireojial buildings in the country, was
consecrated at Omaha, Neb., by the founder,
Bishop Clarkson, assisted by #Lord Bishop
Kweetman, of Toronto, Bishop Garrett, of
Texas, and other clergymen.
The National league, for the suppression
of j>olyg’aniy, in session at Cleveland, adopted
an address to tho country denouncing Mor¬
mon'practices and urgently requesting "that
petitions lie circulated in every ( fi: J*'- ”
and school district in the Unit 'd Slates, ask¬
ing Congress to submit to the legislatures ot
the various States an amendment to the con
stitution prohibiting polygamy.’’
During the recent heavy storm tliebarge
Milwaukee was lo^t with her crew of seven
men in Lake Ontario.
The annual report of General Merritt, su.
jterintendont of the West Point Military
academy, says that on September 1, 1883,
there were at the a -alcmy fifty-five pro
fessors and commissioned officers and 811
cadets. There were no deaths during the
year among the cadets, officers or sddiers,
The average cost of subsisting each cadet
during the last year was $17.92 per month.
Tho general tone and discipline of the cadets
are good, although the practice of hazing ha. 1
not yet been entirely broken up.
Gold in paying quantities has be:n found
in the province of Quebec.
Senor Juan Valera, a distinguished
Spanish novelist and formerly minister to
Portugal, has been appointed successor to the
late Senor Barca, who kille 1 himself in New
York, as Spain s diplomatic representative in
>ho United States.
Three men were killed and five others in¬
jured by the explosion of the boiler attached
to a saw mill in Jackson township, Penn.
A colored man 112 years old died a few
days ago in Boston.
A convention called by the United Stnt s
commissioner < if agriculture to consider t h :
contagious diseases of domestic animals met
in Chicago. Government inspection of [all
cuttle and dead meat exported, and of ex¬
ported hog products, was advocated.
A boiler in the works of the Coal Bluff
Mining ebmpany, at Fontunot, Iiul.. ex¬
plode 1 killing one man instantly, fatally
injuring two others an 1 seriously scalding
ten more. j
Very cold weather is reported from the
Northwest, the thermometer varying
fifteen to forty degreesSjielow zero.
John Smith, a colored man, was hanged at
Oakland, Md., for the murder of a white man
named Harden ; and on tho same day Perry
Jeter, also col >red, suffered a similar jn'iialty
at Union, 8. C , for arson.
A fire at Columbus, Miss., destroyed a
warehouse with 2.(4)0 bales of cotton, causing
a loss of $100,000.
Secretary Teller h is made an important
decision concerning pensions to dependent
mothers whose sons were killed in the late
war. The statute, says the secretary, was
enacted to give dependent relatives some
conqieiisatiou for the damage they had sus¬
tained by the loss of the person on whom they
did in fact dept n 1 or might depend for their
supjtort, and he decides that in all ordinary
cases a mother is entitled 1 1 a {tension.
During the past fiscal year the expenses of
the United States diplomatic service aggre
g ited $181,072. Thee tnsulur service returned
fees amounting to $014,880, ami expended
$870,200 in salaries and otlier expenses, show¬
ing that this service is not only self-sustain¬
ing, eut has iwid into the treasury a revenue
amounting to $44,540.
supposing a case.
It was an ingenious witness that turned
the laugh upon the genial County At¬
torney of Androscoggin County, Maine,
at court recently. The case was the
Philip Atkins case.
“Now, sir,” said the County Attorney,
holding up a gold chain, “what would
you have thought if you had seen such a
chain as that around the respondent's
neck ?”
“Well, I can’t say. I didn’t see any
S11 VeVl if -> Iial 9 ”
“I can’t sav; never see any such chain
on Atkins’s neck.”
us suppose a case. Htippose, “tor \n
stance, that vou had seen this chain
around Philip Atkins’s neck ; wliat
would you have thought, knowing At
witness drawled peZepMW nni as et heRe¬ The
plied: it, I
“Well, I suppose if I hail seen gold
8 ? 0 ? ld have thought that he had a
c ^ The u a Judge £ ol H 1 ^ reins U0C pod, ^- and , the audience
exploded, and the prosecution lost the
point .—Letciston Journal.
---------
THE RIGHT OF CONQUEST.
<<W1) y do you make sucha fatteintak
inc medicine?” asked a wife of her hus
(, a]ld , “You pour it down Tommy. than
><Yes because I am stronger
Tommy. If Tommy were stronger than
I. he would doubtless pour it down me.
Arkansatr Traveller.
Dropped Oct. —Itappearebvalect T ,___ j lApinre _
that the old
whose sudden careening, just as shevu
T’-?' of men on board, has been thesnl i S jec
verse and romance, real Iv went ‘ K
zfou,” slie was Attorn to
RAILROAD EIS4STER.
Figlit Person. Kilfel by a Frighlfnl
A < iilent in liiinaiie.
A dispatch from Streatir, Ill., give? tin
'oliowing particulars of a terrible railroad
accident, by which eight passengers, inchi
dinga lady and her daughter and a minis er,
wore killed, and seven oth-r jtersons injuret:
The Chicago. Burlington ami Quincy mail
train from Chicago was due here at a
quarter to 1 r. M. It was within three miles
of th- city when it was s gnaled to stop by a
switchman who w.is unloading ballast along
the track from a train of flat cars
attached to the switch engine
The passenger train stopped, an 1
the rear brakeman went back to flag any¬
thing that might b • folk) wing the passenger
train, but he had not got more than one or
two car lengths when an extra freight train
rounded the curve aud was down upon them
iu an instant. The freight engine. No. 811.
struck the rear pas enger coach and com¬
pletely telescope! it. There were about
twenty persons in the car and few escaped
without injury. The engine completely im
beded itself in the car, the j assenger* being
thrown forward, and head then its boiler exploded
and one piece of its was forced entirely
car.
One of the passengers said that the train
bad just barely “ I heard,” stopped said when the collision terrible
occurred. he. “ a
crash as the endue struck the car. The ex¬
plosion immediately boiling followed, filling I did tue not car
with sham and water.
hear discovered a single cry for at least ladies a minute, ing when in
I that the two sit
front of me werewstruggfing for in assistance, the agonies but of
death. They were calling perished
there was no help for them, the as inhalation they of
alm< st instantly from
steam. ”
The switch engine that was unloading the
ballast came at once into this city, aud gath¬
ering up a relief corps started with a caboose
inu two doctors for the seem: ofathe accident.
Meanwhile all that could possibly be done
for the asssstance of the wounded and dying
md < are of the dead was done.
Domestic Recipes.
A delicious way to prepare baked
apples for tea is to cut out the core be¬
fore baking. When ready to send to
the table fill the space left in the apple
with sweet cream with a little powdered
sugar in it. Quinces are also excellent
prepared in the same way. ■< In these
butter may take the place of cream if
more convenient.
A delicious hot sance for puddings is
marie of six tablespoonfuls beat of sugar, two
of butter, and one egg; the butter,
sugar, and the yolk of the egg together,
then add the white beaten to a froth;
lastly stir in a teacupful of boiling wa¬
ter and a teaspoonful of vanilla.
One way to economize and to produce
excellent results in cooking is to use suet
in place of butter or lard. For many
purposes it is better than either of these.
Home people who object decidedly to
cakes fried in lard relish them when suet
is used for frying. Beef balls are very
nice fried in suet. Bound steak can be
used for these. Chop the meat fine, sea¬
son well with pepper and salt and any
herb you may choose, shape them like
fiat balls with your hands, dip in egg and
tine cracker or bread crumbs, and fry in
the hot suet.
Fried Tomatoes.— Have ready over
the fire a frying-kettle half full of fat, or
a large frying-pan containing the butter
enough to cover the bottom to depth
of an inch; peel half a dozen firm toma¬
toes of medium size, and cut them in
slices about quarter_ of an inch thick;
put into a bowl quarter of a pound of
flour, half level teaspoonful of. salt,
quarter of a saltspoonful teaspoonful of pepper, the
yolk of one raw egg, a of
salad oil or melted "butter, and sufficient
cold water to make a batterrfhiek enough
to hold a drop from the mixing spoon
for an instant on its surface; beat the
white of tho egg to a stiff froth and mix
it, lightly into the batter; when the fat
is smoking hot dip the slices of tomato
into the batter, put them into the hot
fat, and quickly fry them brown; when
they are brown take them from the fat
with a skimmer, lay them for a moment
on brown paper to free them from
grease, and then serve them hot.
City of Mexico.
Newcomers in the city of Mexico are
surprised on finding so many of the con
veniences common to large cities at
homo, such as the telephone, the elec
Iric light, a police force, and an excel
lent, street car service. The electric
lights are on the tops of iron rods run
liing up from the gas lamp posts. The
police are far more soldierly than the
regular army of the country. They
wear a blue flannel suit, the coat but
toned up. and their eap has a covering
of white, which, with the standing linen
collar, is always immaculate. In their
belts on one side they carry a club and
on the other a large "revolver. If one
wishes to see a policeman he has only will
to go to the nearest corner, and he
surely find him standing there, for he
has no beat to walk over. The speed at
which street cars go is astonishing.
Thev dash along as fast as mules can
pull them, and as they approach a cor
tier the driver cives aloud toot on a horn
for the purpose of warning people at
the crossing to get out of the way.
THE FARMER AND THE TELEPHONE.
The Saginaw (Mich.) Courier says:—
A ! farmer stepped wanted into a grocery sell
house here and to a
load of apples. The buyer for the firm
was at the telephone, and the financial
___told man the farmer to wait a moment,
and as the buyer turned from the tele
phone the man of eash, who was busy,
attracted his attention by a nudge, and
pointed to the apples. He went out
with the farmer and asked lnm what his
apples were worth. The farmer went
down into his pocket, and pulled basket out a
dollar, aud pointed 1 to the bushel
on the load The buyer said, “That’s too
much. I’ll give yon 75 cents.” The
f:u-mer shook his head and flourished
the dollar. He was told it was too
much, and that he must take something
less. He took out a scrap of paper and
wrote 85 cents and $1. and then by mo
hons indicated that he would take S5
cento for one lot and $1 for the others.
The buver said. “All right, but why
don’t von talk ?” The farmer found his
- rep]icd .. Ayhv -
deaf’”’ Not^hat . ftm t vou
“ anybody knows iff.”
did vou have that tube to vour
for r* L^rned the mac from the
r-ral districts about the tele
' ’ ----——--
Fools will otter, mase success where
people MI.
IMPORTANT TIME CHANGE
Change* in the Time by which the
Railroad* of tile Country are
Run.
The changes made on Sunday, November 18,
in the tune by whichaDout all the railrbads in
the country are run, cannot be brought about,
at the best, without considerable friction,
says the Scientific American. In Boston, for
instance, there Is no little opposition to the
putting of decks and watches back some
seventeen minutes, as will be necessary under
the new provision for “ Eastern standard"
time, but orders have teen issued for many of
the pub ic clocks in that city to be so regu¬
late 1, and, as the whole railroa l system of
the Eastern States will be controlled by
this standard, the prevailing opinion seems
to be that the innovatidb will be generally
accepted. There may be some who will at
first carry- the two kinds of time, the “stand
ard” and the true, as can be rea li y done by
having two minute hands on a watch: this w
now frequently pract cei to keep both New
York and Boston time, by those who travel
much between the two cities. In New York
city, where the change required only four calls min¬ for
putting back the true time
utes, there will pre b ibly be lees opposition to
the a [option of the new sumdard, but it may
be readily conceived that great confusion
will inevitably lee caused wherever it is at
tempte 1 to use the two kinds of time simul¬
taneously. adoption of the plan there will
practically By the be only four new standards of time
throughout the country, instead of forty
nine. as at pres nt. Tiie time-tables of many
of the railroads will also have to be change:!,
as well as tne clocks, in order to facilitate the
making of connections between lines affected
over considerable distances east and west.
The following list of changes has, therefore,
been furnished by Mr. W. P. Allen, secretary
of the railroad conventions which decided
upon the adoption of the clock new standard, is the
letter f denoting that the to be set
ahead, and the letter s that it is to be set
back: Fe, of
Atchison, Topeka, ks only. and 9 Santa minutes, f. cast
Dodge City, clo
Atchison, Topeka, and Santa Fe, 51 west of
City, clocks and schedules, minutes,
s.
Baltimore and Ohio (wed), both clocks and
schedules, 28 miuutes, s. Western,
Boston Hoosac Tunnel and both
clocks and schedules, Albany, 4 clocks minutes, only s. 10 min
Boston and
Canadian Pacific (Eastern division), clocks
only, 0 minutes, s.
Delaware and Hudson Canal Company,
clocks only, 4 minutes, s.
Delaware, Lackawanna, and Western, both
docks and schedules, 4 minutes, s.
Fort Wayne, Cincinnati, and Louisville,
both clocks and schedules, 28 both minutes, clocks s. and
Freehold and New York,
schedules, 4 minutes, s. Western, clocks
Hartford and Connecticut
only, 4 minutes, s.
like Shore and Michigan Southern, both
clocks and schedules. 28 minutes, s.
Lehigh Valley, clocks only, 1 minute, f.
Louisville and Nashville, clocks only 18
minutes, s. Pacific, ■ clocks, schelules at St.
Missouri
Louis only, 8 minutes, s. Western, clocks
New Fork, Lake Erie, and
only, 4 minutes, s.
New York Central and Huilson River,
clocks only, 4 minutes, s.
New York City and Northern, clocks only,
4 minutes, s.
New York and New England (east of Con¬
necticut). both clocks and ;ekedu es, 14 min¬
utes, s.
New York and New England (in Connecti¬
cut), both clocks and New schedu'es, York division, 1 minutes, both s.
Pennsyivan schedules, a. minute, f.
clocks and 1
Pennsylvania, all divisions except New
York, c.ocks only, 1 minute, f. both
Pkila lelphia and Reading, clocks
and schedules, 'Watertown, 1 minute, f. And Ogdeifshurg,
Rome, miuutes,
clocks only, 4 s.
Gambling Legally Defined.
The Supreme Court of Michigan holds
pools selling on games of base ball to be
gambling within the meaning of the
statutes of that The State against the keeping
gaming rooms. fact that games
upon which the wagers are laid do not
take place in the room, but at a distance,
is unimportant. of billiards
“Betting upon played a game in New York,”
which is being
says Judge Cooley, “can as in readily the be
carried on in a distant city as very
room where the playing is going on; and
if the latter is a gaming room so must
the other be.”
conr t ~ ier8 * to b ® gaming ?
gambling , . to bet upon any game, al
though the game may be perfectly inno
cent and there may be no wager between
the players themeh-es. Batting is thus
equivalent to gambling whenever the
^et is to be determined by the result
? gmne, but there may be betting which
ls not gaming, as for example, in the
case of an e * ect .!° U “°*' se races >
, however as well as dog fights i foot races
au ^ cock fights have keen lie d to
8 a “« 8 ™thin the terms of the English
statute on the subject, passed in the
tlm e of Queen Anne, which is tli bas
of much of the American legislation.
~ ' * “
. * here.
* * ” as
—
Judge T . David _ • i 1 avis was once making .
a deposit a, a large \\nshnigton bank and
stood counting a pile of money at
a A well-cuessed young man
stepped_np ana, with a lxpw and a smile,
■ Judge, you have dropped a bill.
8ure < ”- ! °ugh there lav a clean, crisp,
. tw,,.dollar bill at the depositor
genuine s
feet. “Thank y©u,” blandly answered
the judge, placing his ponderous right
boot over the bill on the floor aud calmly
resuming liis counting. The sharper,
taken aback by the coolness of the pro
ceeding, disappeared and the judge was
$2 ahead by the transaction.
Pensions.— In the United States the
average value of a pension is about 8105.
Th e a ™e date when arrears beghi to
accrue “lMrns ls The number of unset
^Vears “l48 now pending which involve
813 In addition, 95,6)12
cla “ ms are pending which will not in
fusions The present annual
eh ar ” ge g tor claims is 832,000,000. If
ba the iJ p eIld ing are allowed,
thl wlll increased to $84,836,565. If
Una™charge ^ further claims are received, the an
will of course diminish
s ] ow v^s i v at present, but verv rapidlv in a
few
-
-—-
A Gtrr Hooter.—M r. Edwin Booth,
when told that a “guy hooter” was a
regular attache* of a girl’s baseball nine,
and was hired to make boisterous! v
fuimv remarks in order to excite the
crowd to laughter, said that it was a
^ ld<?a for t he comedians. “Put a
good infectious laughter into an audi
e nce," said he, “and it would be a tre
Pelp to . UreUl perforce.-
THE JOKER’S BUDGET.
(THAT WK FIND IN THE HI7MOROC8
PAPERS.
SHE GOT IT.
“There,” called out a -woman who -was
a passenger on a Bay City train “I’ve leaving
Detroit a day or two ago. went
and gone and left my satchel in the
depot! Somebody call the conductor 1”
A benevolent man with a bald head
and a double chm volunteered his ser¬
vices, and after a time the conductor was
brought in.
“Can’t you stop and run back ?” asked
the woman.
“No, ma’am, but I’ll telegraph to
have your baggage sent on. What is
it?”
“A satchel. ”
“Very well,” he said as he began to
write. “It’s an old satchel with one
handle off, aud the lock broken, of
cource.”
“Y-yes, sir; but it’s none of your
business if it is. You don’t buy my
satchels !”
“No, ma’am—of course not. Let’s
see ! I’ll telegraph them to open it. The
first thing on top is a night-cap.”
“S’posin’ ’tis !” she blustered up. “J
guef fl there is no law agin wearing night
caps 1”
“No, ma’am; and the next thing is a
pair of black woolen stockings which
have been darned in the heels. What
next?”
“The next thing is that if any em in
this ’ere State of Michigan dares to open
that satchel and go to pawing over the
contents I’ll make a corpse of him {” she
exclaimed, as she untied her bonnet.
“But I must telegraph.”
“Then you call it a black satchel kind¬
er busted in on one side and kinder
busted all to Goshen by you railroad
wretches on both ends, and let it go at
that! I won’t have it pawed over. ”
“But, madam, you—”
“Not another word,” she said, as her
spectacles danced on her nose. “Do as
I tell you, and if they can’t find it I’ll
come back and stir things up and bounce
folks around till they’ll think it’s a bad
year for hurricanes. Just say a busted
black satchel, and add that if it comes
along with the other handle pulled off
I’ll begin a lawsuit to make this railroad
flicker!”
The busted black satchel left on the
next train.— Detroit Free Press.
on the wrong back.
An invalid gentleman and his wife had'
engaged a berth in a Pullman car on a
certain railway. Toward midnight the
patient awoke with a severe pain in his
back, and asked his wife to apply a mus¬
tard plaster as quickly as possible. plaster ready His
better half at cnce got the
and then ran to the other end of the car¬
riage to warm it at the lamp and make
it draw all the better. Returning to her
sick husband the little woman unfortu¬
nately went to the wrong bed, which hap¬
pened to be occupied by a stout German
wine merchant, who was fast asleep. She
quickly drew the curtain, lifted the bed¬
clothes, and in a twinkle clapped the
plaster on the traveler's back. At that
moment the sick husband called out
from the .berth : “Mary, what a long
‘ time you are 1” Now the ppor woman,
first became aware of her terrible mis¬
take. Hurrying to her husband she told
him in a whisper of what she had done.;
The poor sufferer could not help laugh¬
ing in spite of his pain, and he laughed
until his pain had left him. Then all
was still for awhile, until suddenly loud
cri s and imprecations were heard pro¬
ceeding from the wine traveler. “Herr
gotsmillionendonnerwetter 1 What is it
that I have got on my back? Himmel
mel-bombemgranaten - elements-donner
und Hagslwetter 1 Whew, how it burns!
Water 1 Fire 1 Ah 1 Oh! ray back !
The bed is on fire 1 Thunder and light¬
ning ! Water 1 my back 1” We draw
a veil over the rest of the story.—Fort
Jervis Union.
PLANTATION PHILOSOPHY.
p e reason dat we thmks dat our mud
der s could beat anybody cookin’ is be
cause we kain’t carry de boy’s appertite
inter ole age. When my wife says,
*‘Doan yer think yer’d better do so an’
so,” I commences ter argy wid her, but
w jj en 8 jj e Bays> »(j 0 an > do so an’so,” I
hus’les den an’ dar. I knowed one man
what was so good dat he wouldn’t pull a
steer outen de ditch on Sun day. H e
was arterward sont ter de penitentiary fur
stealjng a horse on Tuesday. De baby
j s more ap’ ter die den de man; de little
apple is more ap’ ter fall den de well
grone one; de ole man is more ap’ ter
die den de young man, fur de ripe apple
is al’ers ready ter drap. It is a but mighty
good thing ter be ’dustrious, too
much stirrin’ ’roun’ ain t good fur yer.
De pateridge is more ap’ ter be seed by
de hawk when he’s flyin”bout den when
he’s restin’ under de bush. Once a man
tole me dat he didn't want de office what
he had been nominated fur, an’dat he
wan ’t agwine ter ax no man ter vote fur
him, hut when he foun’ dat I had voted
agin him he come aroun’ an’ raised a
row wid me. Now, when a canerdate
tells me det he doan want de office, I
may Dot say nn thin’, but I has a mighty
etron ’spicion dat he’s a liar .—Arkansaw
Traveler.
ONE OP LINCOLN S STORIES.
secretary ___ Lincoln has enough , of , his
atll ? r s nature to enable him to make
good stones and to tell them well. TV hen
he ’"' as “ C hlca f° . Arthur he, with
a number o . other gentlemen was en
“ after-dinner chat, when he told
‘ h ls stoI 7- illustrative of the craze m
Chicago , for entering the plea of self
defense: Three men quarreled m a room
above a saloon, when one of them fell
dead from heart disease The others
that they would tie charged
w,th murder so one went to the saloon
eD bcedthe bartender out, while the
other earned the corpse down and placed
* “ a ^ air J 1 * 1 ' head on a table as
if sleeping off a drunk. When the bar
tender returned the two men took a
drink, saying the drunken man in tne
chair would pay for it and went away.
The bartender soon shook his customer
and demanded his pay. The corpse fell
on the floor, and as the blender
stood trembling with fear, the two men
returned with an officer. The bartender,
anticipating his tot.” arrest, quickly said,
He me