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VOL. III.—NO. 50.
Cltcljiunilton Visitor
D. W. 0. BOULLY, Proprietor.
CASH SUli'Cßll’VioN RATES.
On* copy ■ no ' e*r $2 00
(na ropv s'x months 1 00
Ote copy three months 75
Any one furnH'lngr five subscribers, with
,j,c nionev, will receive a copy free.
Sabsciibow wi-biw* tlieiv papers chnneeT
fv.jiii ov.e p<>- t oftice to another, mint state
♦ tie name of the post office from which they
wisii it change 1, as well as that to Which
they wish it sent.
All subscriptions must lie pni'l in advance
The paper ill he stopped at the end of the
time paid for. unless sub: ip',; ms are pre
viously renewed.
fifty numbers complete U. . r,
amt AI}VEUTISi> I ■. t A !'Eh ,
tjr F1 mo it in f mi's |'2 mos
7 g 2 50 Si - *. 00’ : 10 Of)
u iit'lic: 150 •" 11 00 18 00
* 500 0. of)j 1-. .00 22 00
j inciie- .5.50 „1T JJtl Is 00 • 27 00
( column. • j 1150* UOO 25 00 85 00
1 cotnmn. .112 50 25f00! 40 00 00 00
5 enlmuo I 22 00 41 00l 02 00 K'O 00
Mandates and Uo-.'tbe let OxeoeJilig six
jims will be published free
Payments to be nude quarterly in advance,
acoordini to schedule r ites, unh ss otherwise
sg-eed upon.
Persons eemling adver*iKPm"nts will state
the length 'if time t 1 ev wish tloon miblished
and ttie spice they want them to oc m v.
Parties adver'i->n' by contract will be re
gtrictel to their legitimate business.
T)E<u£ advbutwbiests.
Sheriffs sales, per inch, four weeks.. .$3 50
■ > mortgage ti fa sales, per inch,
eight weeks ....... 5 50
Citation for letters of administration,
"”i r 'ian-ddn, etc., thirty days 3 00
Xotiee to debtors and creditors of an
estite. forty davs 5 00
Application for leave to sell land, four
weeks }
Sales of land, etc., per in U, forty- days o 00
*• “ perishable property, per inch,
ten davs 2 00
Application for letters of dismission from
eti irdianslitn. forty davs 5 00
Am Mention for letters of dismission from
admin' tntion. three m -ntlis 7 50
Establishing b st paper*, the full spare
of three m-mths. per inch 1 00
Compelling titles from executors or ad
ministrators. where bond has been
then by the deceased, the full space
of three months, per in -1) j TIT*
E rav n tiers, thirty days 3 00
Bn e for foreclosure of moitcagc, four
month*, men hlv. per : noh 0 00
S-de of insolvent papers, thirty days... 300
two week o -
Tt ;.xsi ness Opt c3.s
jsr- T- ii- j'eiil^ins,
D N • TlfiT,
- 7 3 - V '--t - '
%::y/...; v^V-- _
*5-* ... _. - - =-'" r '
HAMILTON. US.
11l os. S. MITCHELL, M. L>.,
lirsidi n) Physician anil Silicon,
HAMILTON GEORGIA
fqwial atientionygiven to o| eraiive surgery
'pn~ Terms osh
*jp PRESTON GIBHt 1 ,
* s
SURGEON and PHYSICIAN,
Hamtt/ton, Ga.
Wi'l't'C frmnit'at the ho* ! or tho store of
W H J. ’nn b n milf-s profr i' v '■nvaved.
CJIA TIAIIOOCFU HOUSE,
■>v J. T HIGGIn : .) i Lt. *;.
WKSI POINT. Ci A
~ALONZO A. DOZiGl’,
Attokney and Counselor at Law,
COLUMBUS, GA.
Practices in State and Federal Courts in
Georgia are' Alabarua: Make-* Comrr ercinl
IJt w a specialty. Offi* e over C. A. Re bi &
Co’s store, Columbus, Ga. dec4-1 v
Ilincs Dozier,
ATTORNEY-AT LAW,
HAMILTON, GEORGIA
Will practice in the 01 attain och*e Circuit,
or anywhere else. Office in the Northwest
•orner of tV e Court-lue s**, up-stairs. j arj ß
Columbus Dental Rooms,
W. T. POOL, .Proprietor,
rtrrp'n Frrr TritOn? r<lnmLiis fia.
Jij\ NKINH OUSE
COLUMBUS, GA.
ffes. F. NL GRAY, Proprietress-
A. SFi.r/rn*, Clerk.
JL K(EHNK,
merchant tailor,
JJi Jrsftd C!ebtis, Gn,
His on bn4 ofO. n
t!• fyr fJ'wW;. French
CissiiiMrieE, Ytttfin"?, etc.
Ca ting done at rest enable rate .
Have your cVti os made by me. end I enar
trnte** i>erft- t Kati*-fac f i'*n in stvle and price
JHOUSE ANLf SIGN PAINT]NG.
I am now prepared to do any kind of Paint
in?—Hnnae. Si nor Ornamental.
I nan mend your Umbiellas and Parasols,
anH m ke them as good its new.
Prices low. Give me a trial. My' shop i
opposite the market-house, Columbus, Oa.
junll-em w. D. SMITH, Natural Artist.
Hamilton Ig I Visitor
A FftSuT FOE LIFE.
It w as in the latter part of Novem
ber 18■ 4,_that I found tnvself at sun
set, on oue of the dreariest davs I
ever saw, waiting tnv Vhanecs a! a
liule Arkansas Million for n seal in a
coach, wli’-h the telegraph operator
assutcu me would start in a couple
of {hours for the town of C my
next destination. I sat in the opera
t r’s little cage, beating a tattoo
'•uo my feet, and for the first time
in a week fueling utterly jaded and
worn out. Tiie door, facing the
dense and gloomy forest outside,
looked like some yawning aperture
to a cavern, the oil lamp inside seem
ed naturally to intensify. the. inky
blackness ou side.
The operatin', a weary, pale-faced
man, seemed glad of company, as
he no doulr was, a poor old chap,
and delayed me with questions about
the dreary world to u hich lie was at
tacliMUoidy through hisFjinslrumeut
and ■Bn occasional newspaper. FI as
certainpiljjjihat the’ coach generally
made"the trip* in about" an‘liourjand
a half or* two’ hours. I suggested
the probability that, as the night
pruiiiisedjso had, perhaps the coach
would lay over. In fact I rather
hoped that this might he the case, as
I began to hate the idea of being
whirled through the dark woods
with a fierce wind twisting .the
branches together overhead, and
smashing the dry limbs and twigs
with a great noise. The operator
declared that, as it was the mail
coach to C , it would undoubt
edly go, whatever the prospect; as
to company though ho fancied I
would have pretty much my own
way, as there did not seem to he any
passengers besides myself. He walk
ed down the pisiform to the station
room, and came back with the intel
ligence that it was empty.
Just at that moment a ruan pushed
the door open and looked in; the
glimpse I had of him was not, enliv
ening. lie was heavily wrapped and
his fine very nearly covered by a
thick black beard. The operator,
busy at bis tabljß ifot -observed
llie intruder, and I made no comment
except a yawn of general dissatisfac
tion. “There’s a house down the
road a quarter of a mile whe.te you
might stay ail night,” ventured the
operator, listlessly turning the pages
of the last year’s almanac, not rais
in<r Ids eyes at all. Mine was not a
suspicious nature, and yet I took no
heart in his suggestion, and began to
think all manner of things about the
man with the almanac. A house
down the road. I went to the door
and lookhd out. The man who bad
looked in on us bad Been sitting on
the step formed by the threshold. I
was sure it was the same. He got,
up hastily and walked down the
platform; not glancing bulk. lob
served then that I # wore- a Imav.
captoe cloak and low bat. The
wind blew a hurricane and there
was not a star visible; as to road I
could see none, nor in fact anything,
but about twelve inches of the frosty
rails on which the operator’s lamp
light fell. I closed the door sud
denly, as if I had retired within. I
can not say that it was my purpose
to watch the man in the cloak, but I
closed the door.
It was very dark on the platform,
except under tiie ( grimy window. The
man came back softly, and I scraped
a wax taper to light a cigar. The
black beard and a pair of glittering
eyes were within two feet of me-
Was he disconcerted ? He walked
on the other side of the platform leis
urely. The rain began to fall in big
splashing drops, chilling me thorough
ly in ten minutes. I went back into
the operator’s room; he still idled
over the almanac, scarcely looking up
as I entered. Soon after there was
the distant rumbling of wheels, the
j trample of horses, and a few bugle
tones came down mournfully in the
wind.
“ Tiirre’s a coach,” said the opera
tor, “and Bill Woodford’s horn.
There must he something wrong!
This- is not his fun ”
L : o(,ts gleamed at the outer end of
the platform. The clumsy ol 1 coach
rumbled up, the driver in a gray
overcoat wooly cap helped to tret the
mail ban in the boot, shouting out,
“This way, if you please, gentleman,
and not an inch y’ time to spare.”
“What’s up, Woodford.'” said a
deep 1 a=s voice, “ and where s Sam
to-nsglit?”
HAMILTON, HARRIS 00., 6A„ FRIDAY, DECEMBER 24, 1875.
“ He’s gone and give his ankle a
j baddish twist, that’s all. Come, look
! alive there 1 ’’
h I buttoned up my co it, felt that
I my pistol was all right; I had taken
it from the black bag just beLr.'e the
; ! ‘ n ' iv: ‘ l of Hie I clambered in,
ook a to; ward seat, and as somebody
| swung a lantern backward and f.u
--| ward, discerned that, save a very old
gentleman, who seemed to be dozing
in the back, I was the only passen
ger.
The driver cracked his whip, and
with a ten itic jolting, we stanod at a
; bilious rate of speed. We had, per
| haps, accomplished fivo or six miles in
j this say, when the rickety old affair
gave a sudden lurch, before emping
IU a full stop, and the dr , ,-r . are !
- al the window drip*-mg wir, mm ;
We’ll have to tumble here for the
night, f reckon, gents, for the storm
lasi Light lias blown a tree right
square in the road, and the leader
has got a rock in bis foot and can’t
|go on anyway.” Pleasant prospect
truly. “ There’s old Job Silvers’
cabin yonder; we can put up with
him, I guess, until tnornin’.” '
As the driver bad already begun
to unhitch, there was nothing to do
but beg hospitality of Mr. Silvers,
and the old gentleman and myself
scrambled out, the former growling
savagely when he found the road an
kle deep in a sticky utire, and the
rrhi pouring in torrents. “I should
like to throttle that villain, and shoot
that cursed leader on the spot,” said
the old gentleman, making off towards
the mi-erable shanty, to the right
some thirty yards.
After a supper of frizzled bacon,
fried eggs and excellent coffee, which
was not so bad a supper, eaten before
a spaking fil e of birch logs, the host,
a tall, sjriin old man, with the facto of
ono of Napoleon I’s. soldier-, albeit
with a certain look of simplicity im
possible to a soldier, conducted me
up a rude pair of stairs to a sleeping
apartment. The room sloped low in
the ceiling on two sides, being just
under the roof, and was furnished
with two narrow beds and two chairs.
1 took off my coat and waistcoat, and
filing myself into bed, putting my
pistol and watch under my head.
The grim old man excused his pov
erty and took away the candle, his
cowhide shoes creaking on the stairs
as he descended. On second thought :
I took my watch from under the pil- 1
low, and placed it between the mat) j
tresses on the further side of the bed
next to the wall, and soon fell asleep,
lulled by the droning voices beneath,
and the rain that fell on the shingled
roof, a sound I used to love in my
boyhood. I was awakened by the
creaking of u,o hoard floor under a
sleekened foot. The room undoubt
edly owned another occupant than
myself. Whether legit imate'y so, re
in:. 1 to be discovered.
What money I had, T carried in
tl ■ riubt pocket of my wo •- s, the
-mV- t place by all means. Ia so car
ried a large, clumsy jack-knife, such
as sailors cut tobacco with. I don’t
know why I should have remembered
the knife, but I did.
The walking had ceased, but I
fatfried I heard a stifled breathing in
the room; this might have been only
fancy. However, I gently drew my
self to the side next to the wall, be
tween which and The bed there was
just room enough for a human body
and slipped to the floor. I think I
smiled at this impulse, but at that
moment the creeping recommenced,
followed by a smothered oath, and I
kimw that someone was softly ap
proaching the bed. I bad ceased to
smile. I did not admire the idea of
1 a tierce struggle in the and rk, and
. most unfortunately my tapers were
; in my waistcoat, which I had thrown
I on a chair when retiring.
Nevertheless, I had no notion of
: being a quiescent party to a murder,
| and I began to work my way to. the
| foot of the bed, w hich I had sueoeed
ied in doing very quietly. I thought
| of the knife again, aud opening it
j stuck it in my waistband, a thing I
would not do again under the same
i circumstances. If I had only remov
ed the pistol. As the novelist would
I s-y, all this occured in much less
time than it would take to write it,
or to read it either, and only a very
tew moments bad elapsed since my
first waking. My next move ua~
rather singular. I bad no'iced a light
print spread on the bed, a gaudy
j piece of calico like our attic w indow
curtains at home. I snatched this
from the be 1 and sprang to the side
| wLfucj nguse j'rweedsd}
A man leaned over the bed; he
turned with a growl of rage, but be
ing lithe as a cat, i enveloped his
bind with the calico, rny hands at
■'its throat in an instant. Then began
a fearful struggle as wo rolled on
the ll ior together. My assailant then
dragged me nearer the bed, and it
flashed Upon me in an instant that
the recovery of the knife was in his
mind. I felt now with mv left hand
for mine; it was gone. It, had slip
ped out during ihe scufll \ and I was
thankful that 1 had not been thrown
on its sharp point.
The burly ruffian had torn the muf
fler from his head, and was altogether
fixing me in short order. The dotn
inant idea m bath of us now was to
seize the knife by tlie bed. And my
chance was not worth the flip of a
penny, yet if anything would be cal
culated to lend a man supernatural
* i-i, f }•'
strennth, it. was conditions like tlifec,
and I astonished myself. With asu
per-human effort I got on top, and
planted my right knee on his breast,
and again seizing his throat with ties
peration, soon had the satisfaction of
feeling bis clutch relax, until lie was
as powerless as a child. My strength
began to fiil now, and a cold, sickly
sweat broke-out of my body at every
pore.
My would-he murderer lay very
still, scaroely a tremor betraying
that there was life in him. There
was a hurried tramping of feet be
low, and a pule light glimmered on
the ceiling as the grim old man
and two or three others ascended tho
stairs, bringing candles. We had
aroused the household, although nei
ther of us had cried out. As lam
not a fighting character, and my cmir
age nothing to boast of, 1 think I may
safely acknowledge that I showed the
white feather when it, was all over,
and dropped over from exhaustion
and excitement.
My man with the black board, who
bad followed tne three days with an
intent to take my life, believing me
to be another person (this I after
wards vlearned), was hold in charge
until daylight by the coach driver,
and tliu host, and at last astonished
these worthies by knocking them
both down and making his escape.
1 have his knife yet; a keen Italian
stiletto, a perfect beauty in temper
and carving, and keen as a razor.
There are many pleasing adventures
in the life of a commercial traveler,
or drummer, as they are called, hut
tin re are also draw backs.
Paper Cab Wiikeeb. —The exper
iment is about, to be made of Using
paper for the costrnction of wheels
f>r drawing-room cors on one of the
railways of New York State. The
advantages of paper over any other
light material are said by the inven
tor of the new wheels to be the fol
lowing:
It is noiseless; it does not swell or
shrink with the weather; it affords a
stay to the tire and a latteral support,
in turning curvs; at the same lime
it adapts itself to any trifling ine
quality of the inner surface of which
wood or iron fail to do; and, finally,
it seems to he stronger than any ol her
material—many times stronger than
any material of the same weight—of
which a wheel can possibly be made.
In the e wheels the usual steel tire
with its “ rail flange ”is used. Upon
the axle, as a center, t w o heavey cast
iron flanges are fastened parellell to
each oti.er at right angles with the
axle, and in the plain of the diame
ter. Tho inside one has an eight
inch radius, the outside one com
pletely covering the outer disc, and
overlapping the tire onejiulf an inch.
Through the compressed paper, from
flange to flange, are passed strong
bolts of the best iron, secured by
nuts “screwed home” firmly, and
near enough together to bold the pa
per in its place without uunve rsary
cutting away of its fibre or weaken
ing the flanges.
(QrThe ine of conduct chosen by
a boy during the five years from fif
teen to twenty will, in almost every
instance, determine hi* charater for
life. As he is then -careful or eare
; less, prudent or imprudent, industri
-1 ousor iud rent, truthful or dissimu
lating, intelligent or ignorant, tetnper
aie or dissolute, so will he be in after
years, and it needs no oropliet to easi
; his horoscope or calculate his chaa
j CCS.
fi£jr Jefferson says: War is an io
-1 strument entirely inefficient toward
redres-ing wrong and multiplies in
[ stead of ideuiuifying losses.
AY Vat to Teach our Jioys.
Not. to tease hoys or girls younger
than themselves.
Whe i their play is ever for the
day to wa-li their face and hands,
brush the hair and spend tho rest of
the evening in the house.
Not to take the easiest chair in
the room and place it directly in front
of tho tiro and forget to offer it to
tho mothgr when she cornea in to sit
down.
To treat their mother as politely
as if sl e were a strange lady, who
did not Spend her life in their ser
vice.
To be as kind and helpful to their
sistera as they are to other boys’ sis
ters.
Not to grumble or refuse when
asked to do some errand t hat must
lie done, and which will otherwise
take the time of someone who has
more to do than themselves.
To make their friends among good
boys.
To take pride in having their
mothers and sisters for their host
friends.
To try and find amusements for
the evening which all tho family can
join it) large and small.
To lake pride in being a gentleman
at, home.
To cultivate a cheerful temper.
To learn to sew on their own but
tons.
If thov do anything, to take their
mothers into confidence, and above
all never lie about anything they have
done.
To make up their minds not, to
learn to smoko, to chew, or to drink,
remembering that those things can
not bo unlearned, and that they tiro
terrible drawbacks to good men and
necessities to bad ones.
To remember that there was nover
a vagabond without these habits.
To learn to have their money and
invest it from the first |enny they
earn, and they arc sure to be rich
men.
To observe all thoe rules and you
are sure to he a gentleman.
Tribute to a Mothkh. —Childrc >n
look in those eyes, listen t,o that, dear
voice notice the feeling of even a sin
gle touch that is bestowed upon you
by that gentle hand! Mako much
of it, while yet you have that most
precious of all good gilts, a loving
mot her. Read the unfathomable 'ovu
of those eyes; tho kind anxiety of
that tone and look, however slight,
your pain. In after life you may
have friends, fond, dear, kind friends;
but never will you have again the in
expressible love and gentleness lav
ished upon you which none hut a
mother bestows. Often do I sigh in
my struggle with the hard, for the
sweet deep security I felt when, of
an evening, nestling in her bosom, I
listened to some quiet tale,, suitable
to my age, road in her tender aud
untiring voice. Never can I forget
her sweet glances cast upon me when
I appeared asleep, never her kiss of
peace at night. Years have passed
away since we laid her beside my
father in the old church-yard; yet
still her voice whispers from the
grave, and her eye watches over me
ail visit spots long sine • hallowed
to the memory of my mother.— Lord
Macauley.
ttay Idleness is demoralizing to
any community, nnd the trouble i
our young men are unwilling to com
mence on a farm in a small way and
work themselves tip on a larger scale
of farming. Strumming on a guitar
or singing love ditties under a pretty
girl’s window at midnight may do
well if the srrenader has been stead
ily at work during the day, but if the
sun rises and sets upon the idler, it
seems that any girl of any sense
would rather sleep Roundly than be
awakened by a man with an oper
atic voice and an empty pocket-book.
S'-v?" iintend-. >m paid last year
for the support of her war system,
two thousand millions of dollars.
Christians—all who profess and call
themselves by that name—paid Nr
mi-sions in the same time, live mil
lions of dollars.
Young ladies who are accus
tomed to read the newspapers are al
ways observed to possess winning
ways, nio“t amiable dispositions, in
variably make good wivos, aud al
ways select good husbands.
l&cU Hanging is brisk, but with a
filling tendency.
I ’tU People wtio sell coal dr busi
ue >s on a “large scale,”
A Cluu That Held a Regiment at
Bay.
Mr. Win. TANARUS?. Winans has in his
noasossion a remarkable gun, and one
that has an unwritten mid partly art
unknown history more remarkable
than tho weapon itsc'f. As to where
it was made or by win? train of eir
cnmslances its death dealing crack
became a sound of terror along the
Tennessee and Cumberland rivei-R
during the earlier years of the late
war, we shall not pretend to say.
The very sound of tho gun became
known and familiar, and an ominous
one along infantry skirmish lines,
and among the sharpshoots. Near
the time of tho battle of Shiloh some
infantry had been employed in skir
mish or roqonnoitoring duty in the
deep tangled woods. Crack, bang,
boom roared at intervals the obi gun
in the distance, at every discharge
laying a soldier stiff and stark in
death with unerring accnraov. Shift
their podti ut as they might, the gun
would bang away, and with a hiss
and a thud there would Hitt one sol
dier less. The direction of the firing
was ascertained, and the entire regi
ment was ordered to charge toward
it without knowing where or what
it was Ou they went, losing a man
at every pace. N ithing was t accom
plished, and the parly teturned, leav
ing the murderous gun cracking away
as they retreated. Shortly afYerwnd
tho old firelock was heard again with
her murderous music. It was re
solved at all buzzards to find and cap
ture the infernal machine. After per
sistent efforts a tall, raw-boned, griz
zle bearded, largo-sized Texas ranger
was discovered in tho foliage of a
large tree among the branches of
which he was picking off his t -oa as
well as he had picked off hundreds
before. Brought to bay, 1 e contin
ued to lo id are! shoot with deadly
aim till brought down, and the fa
tuous gun was captured. I" is a gun
of immense calibre, lieing near eight
feet long, with a smooth bore, sin
gle barrel, large enough to admit a
small walnut. —Dowling Green (Ay.)
m l‘antcigrap/i.
Hurtful Hicadinu. —A bud book,
magazine or newspaper is as danger
ous to your child as a vicious com
panion, and will ns surely corrupt his
morals and lead him away from the
paths of safety. Every parent should
set this thought dearly before his
mind an 1 ponder it well. Look to
what your children read, and espe
cially to tho kind of paper that gels
into their hands, for there nrG now
published scores of weekly papers,
with attractive and sensuous illustra
tions, that are as hurlful to young
ami innocent souls as poison to a
healthful body. Many of thene papers
Irt,vo attained largo circulations, and
sowing broadcast the seeds of
* n and and crime. Trenching on
t he very borders of indecency, they
corrupt the morals, taint the imagi
nation and allure the week and un
guarded from tho paths of innocence,
the danger to young persons from
this cause was never so great as at
this time, and every father and
mother should be on guard against
an enemy that is sure to meet their
child.
Look to it then that your children
are kept free-as possible from this
taint. Never bring into your bouse
a paper or periodical that is not
strictly pure.
Wn at is iuk Sun? — Prof. Ru
dolph, in a lengthy paper on tho sun
says: A mol ton or white hot mass,
856,000 miles in diameter equaling in
hulk 1,860,000 worlds like our own,
having a surrounding ocean of gas on
fire 50,000 miles deep, tongues of
dime darting upward moro than
50,000 miles, volomic forces that
hurl into the solar atmosphere lumi
nous matter to the height of 160,000
miles drawing to itself all the words
belonging to our family of planets,
and h dding them all in 'heir proper
places aitrti tng with such superior
force ,; e mi ous of solid and stray
mas-o that .ire wandering in the
faihi mlcss abyss that they rush help
lessly toward him and tall into his
fiery embrace. And thus he cohtin
ues his sublime and resistless march
through his mighty orbit, having a
period of moie than 18,000,000 of
years.
Sga- A Detroit woman could think
of but twenty-nine different ingredi
ents to put into a mince pie, and she
wept at the idea of losing her powers
of memory
$2.00 A YEAR.
WIT and HUHOR.
Queen of ’Arts—female graduate*
At dinner a fowl is very good {jure.
Notes of admiration—love letters.
The first, thing in a boot is the last*
Sweetness and light—a love match.
The coming woman—Annie Yor—
sary.
A high-toned young man—a tenor
singer.
A gkl of in-liroad usefulness—Sally
ratus. , , ,
Cheap drapery—the curtains of tho
night.
Academy of design—a young la
dies’ hoarding school.
Moderat • thine expenses; bo nofc
die; keep thy oounsel.
Speaking of the Isreafites, were
they not to he mama born?
If rocks ever bled, they wonlil
bleed quartz.
Tito tnan who would like to see
you—tho blind man.
Always getting things down Ho a
fine point—the needle maker.
When may bread be said to b% in
h Jute 1 ? W.iutt it has a little In dian
in it.
A good temperance work—remov
ing the bars at the mouth of thb Mis
sissippi.
“ llail, gentle Spring I” says Thomp
son, and gentle spring hailed, and
snowed too.
Why cannot a tf uqteratice man
kiss a Jewess? lie bus sworn mot
to taste jew-lips. * ! /
Dubious weather—w’ethor or no.
A Dubuque youngster, learning
that tannin could boused to make
the skin so bard and tough in expos-:
id places that chaffing and blistering
would not occur, acted accordingly;
and now any amount of the parental
hand and shingle has no terrors for
him.
Tho following epitaph, copied from
a Pennsylvania tombstone, has been
sent to the Historical society of that
Slate: "Here lies the bodie of Mar
garet Fay, her would if her could,
but her couldn’t stay; her had bad
legs and a haddish cough, it were
her legs as carried her ofT.”
“ Ma,” said a small boy approach
ing his mother, and exhibiting unmis
tablc symptoms of a severe pain in
the stomach, “ do green apples grow
in heaven?”
A Mr. Smith went into business
with a German. After being in bus
iness for about four years, they broke.
A biend meeting the German asked
him how it was. “You see, my
friend Schmidt and I go iltto one bus
iness. lie had five thousand dollars
and I had experience, which I puts
against his money. Vel, we go in
one, two four years, and wo close up,
when I had tho five thousand dollars
aud my friend Schmidt had the ex
patience.”
A white minister at a colored wed
ding said, “ On such occasions as this
it is customaiy to kiss the bride, but
in tniß case wo will omit it.” To
this unclerical remark the indigns&fc
bridegroom very pertinently replied:
“On such occasions it is customary
to give the minister ten dollars, but
in this case we will omit it."
A witty old judge who had spent
un evening with a young lawyer
whose office was on the seoond story,
on taking his departure stumbled on
the stairs and fell to the bottom.
The lawyer hearing the noise rushed
out and seeing the judge lying on his
back at the bottom of the stairs, has
tened down nnd with great anxiety
asked, “Is your honor hurt ? ” “No,
but my legs are.”
“My native city has treated me
badly,” said a drunken vagabond,
“ but I love her still." “ Probably,”
replied a gentleman, " her still is all
that you do love.”
Japanese officials commit anicide
when found guilty of theft or embez
zlement. American officials retire to
their farms and receive the congratu
lations of friends.
The Shelbyville (Ky.) Republican
says that the worst case of seffisboesw
t hat it has been permitted to present
to tho public, emanated from a youth
who complained because bis mother
put a bigger mustard plaster on kia
younger brother than she did <. him
after they had been eating melon*! and
hard apples.
A woman is composed of two hun
dred and forty-nine bones, and just
sixty-nine muscles, aud three hundred
I and sixty-nine pins.