Newspaper Page Text
l budget of fun.'
aaioRous SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
f w o Extremes—Comforting—A Picas
ant Recollection—Things Are
Changed—After a Long
Silence, Etc., Etc.
The man without an overcoat
Will brave the coldest storm,*
And smile serenely as he gasps,
“By jingo, it is warm!”
The chap who has a new topcoat,
That garment he will wear,
Even if the weather’s close and hot,
And say: “Howraw the air
—New York Journal.
COMFORTING.
Professional Mendicant—“Will you
please help me, sir; I have only one leg,
iir, and I am cold an—”
‘•Why, my dear man, you have a de¬
cided advantage over me in having only
aefoot to get cold; good day.”— Time.
EXCHANGE OF COURTESIES.
Air. Younger (meeting Aliss Winters
jn the street)—“Why, how do you do?”
Aliss Winters (with a cold stare)—“You
have evidently made a mistake, sir.”
Air. Younger—“I beg a thousand par¬
dons—I mistook you for your mother.”
— Epoch.
THINGS ARE CHANGED.
Belle—“Augustus is changed since we
got married.”
Nell—“In what respect, dear?”
Belle—“He used to say that what
would make me happy would make him
happy; and now he doesn’t seem to care
to make himself happy at all .”—Yankee
Hlnde.
AFTER A LONG SILENCE.
Aliss Robust—“What did you remark,
Mr. Pendcgist?”
Air. Pendegast—“Aw, 1 didn’t say
anything.”
Aliss Robust—“Well, suDpose voti
do.”
Air. Pendegast—“AVhat shall I say?”
Miss Robust—“Say, for example,
‘good night.’ ”— Time.
WOULD RUIN HIS BUSINESS.
Plusher—“This account says that the
seals are threatened w r ith extermination.
That would ruin my business.”
Aladdox—“Why, you only make imi¬
tation sealskin sacques.”
Plusher—“Yes, but if everybody
knew r there were no genuine ones there cl
be no demand for imitations. ”— Munsey's
Weekly.
? KNOWLEDGE VS. OBSERVATION.
Smith—“That -was a very interesting
fecture of yours on the Catacombs. Did
you write it while you w*ero in Rome or
after you returned home?”
■ Spouter—-“Oh, no, I wrote it before I
went. Wanted to get it off my mind,
you know, so that when I got abroad I'd
have nothing to do but enjoy myself.’’—
Bouton Transcript. '
l WHAT SHE WANTED.
“Now, conductor,” said an old lady
♦fho got on the cars at Chicago, “I place
my safety in your hands.”
“All right, madam; I guess we can
take good care of you.”
“And if there is an accident, and the
cars are thrown down a steep embank¬
ment, you’ll be sure to wake me up,
won’t you ?”—Rochester Budget.
SINKING RAPIDLY.
"Robinson— “Hello, Smith! Glad to
see you back. How did you leave
Jones?”
Smith—“Poor fellow! The last time
\ saw him he was sinking rapidly.”
Robinson—“Indeed! What was
Clatter with him?”
Smith—“He fell overboard from the
•teamer .”—Burlington Free Press.
A PLEASANT RECOLLECTION.
Friend—“Alisss Brown, let me intro¬
duce to you Air. Garlay.”
Garlay (bashfully)—“I think I’ve met
you before, Aliss Brown.”
Aliss B.—“Indeed! I do not recall
it.”
Garlay (still more bashfully)—“ Ithink
pushed you down stairs about
years ago, when I was young.”— Bazar.
UNDER ANOTHER NAME.
Druggist—“Air. Alixer, w r hat is all that
stuff down the cellar?”
Clerk—“Oh, that's some medicine that
•ere s no sale for. It’s Drake’s Diges-
-on Provocative. • I thought of getting
the old junk man to carry it off.”
Druggist—“Nonsense? Change the
name. Call it the Influenza Annihilator,
aad we’ll get rid of it fast enough.”—
Boston Transcript.
THE qUEEN OF THE HOUSEHOLD.
“Ha! come in, old man. I’m glad to
See you. Come down into the kitchen
and have a smoke. Wife's gone over to
^ ‘her mother's and I’m all alone.”
“But ! h ear the piano.”
“Oh! the servant girl has company to-
•'ght and w r e had to give up the parlor,
hat a the re.ison my wife went out.
omc right down to the kitchen. I’m
m, ghty glad you called.” — Boston
Courier.
A PRANK confession.
“Prisoner, said the Judge to a very
disreputable citizen who was brought in
by the bailiff, ‘ ‘you have the privilege
of being tried by a jury of your own
peers.”
“Does that mean my equals, Judge?’
“Yes, sir.”
“Don’t do it, Judge. Ye can’t gel
nowheres without sendin’ back the van
to the jail for another load of prisoners.”
— Merchant Traveler.
HER TERMS ACCEPTED.
Foregn Prince (haughtily^.—“It raa’
as well be understood, Miss Million, that
I am no beggar. It I am to be youi
husband T cannot accept as an annual al
lowance for my expenses any sum incou
sistent with the dignity of my rank anc
position in life.”
American Heiress (affectionate, bul
business-like)—“I will allow you, my deal
Prince, enough to pay your club dues
and keep you in clothing, canes and
cigarettes. ”
Foreign Prince (grinding his teeth)—
“I’ll take it .”—Chicago Tribune.
WHAT CAUSED THE EXCITEMENT.
“Look here, Maria,” said Air. Town
ley, as he looked in to the pitcher whicl
he brought in from the milk wagon al
evening.
“What’s the matter?”
“There’s something wrong with thi:
milk.”
“I doesn’t look exactly right, does it?’
said Airs. Townley after a close scrutiny
“And it tastes funny,” she added, as sh<
sipped a little from a tea spoon.
4 4 I'll find out what the matter is. II
there—hi! hi!” and Air. Townley rushec
after the wagon. Half a dozen boys took
took up the chase, and after the proces¬
sion had traversed a couple of blocks
Air. Townley skillfully eluding the ef¬
forts of a policeman to detain him, he
gained the side of the wagon.
“What’s the matter with that,” he
asked laconically, as shoved the pitehei
up to the driver.
That functunary tasted the contents,
and then exclaimed: “Well, I’ll be dog-
goned ! If we didn’t forget to skim the
milk this morning ."—Merchant Traveler
EDUCATION.
A Detroit father has undertaken a lit
tie educational venture with his own chil
dren and. he is trying to make them givt
up slang, the use of ambiguous terms ol
speech, and other peculiarities affected
by the youth of the day. Yesterday he
asked his fourteen-year-old daughter
w r here a certain book was.
“I haven’t an idea, papa!” answered
the young lady.
“I didn't ask you for ideas,” said the
father sternly, “just answer my ques¬
tions. Where is that book?”
“On the top shell in the book case/
recited the girl, like a parrot.
“t’an you reach it?”
“Yes, sir.”
There was a long silence, the fathei
waiting impatiently for the book. Al
last he asked :
“Nell, why don’t you bring it?”
“Bring what, sir?”
“The book I wanted.”
“You did not say you wanted me to
get it,” said the daughter in a demure
voice, “you asked me if I could reach
it.”
“Nellie,” said the father, as a smile
made his mustache tremble, “get that
book like a good girl and bring it here
to me.”
4 4 Now, you're talking sense, pop; I’ll
have the book in a jiffy,” and she whisked
off after it, while the father sighed over
the degeneracy of the times .—Detroit
Free Press.
The Army “Canteen” System.
The European “canteen” system now
being introduced into the army of this
country is now in successful operation al
Jefferson Barracks and productive ol
flattering results. The system was intro¬
duced by Alajor Baruard on his taking
command of the barracks last October,
and as conducted it js a genuine boon to
the soldiers stationed there. In effect it is
a co-operative store, club-room and
restaurant combined, where soldiers can
obtain goods and refreshments at a little
in advance of first cost. The profit goes
to defray expenses, and f >r the benefit of
the soldiers in sqpplying extra accommo¬
dations and conveniences. The bill of
fare of the refreshment department is of
large variety and the charges exceedingly
low. All articles of merchandise are sold
at about one-balf the prices under the
post trader system. The old Barracks
Chapel, which for years has been aban¬
doned as a church, has been arranged
and neatly fitted up for the “canteen,”
and it is the intention of Alajor Barnard
to add additions to it from time to time,
as they are able, in shape of a billiard
and pool-room and a library and reading-
room. The management is in the keep¬
ing of a sergeaut, under the supervision
of the commander, and he has assistants
detailed for the work who are allowed
extra pay for their services. In speaking
of the beneficial effects of the canteen,
Alajor Barnard stated to a reporter that
it had proven almost a panacea for al!
the ills of the soldiers stationed at the
barracks, and that desertions, which had
formerly averaged about twelve a month,
uow did not exceed three a month.
Since the inauguration of the canteen
they have taken in $6000, the profits ol
which they had used in fixing up the
building and improving the mess. Sol¬
diers are allowed a limited credit at cask
prices, and the low prices.at which they
obtain goods enables them to save some
of their pay. Alajor Barnard is an enter¬
prising, progressive officer, and is intro¬
ducing numerous salutary reforms at the
barracks. — -St. Louis Republic.
COAST SENTMLS.
INFORMATICS^ ABOUT AMERI¬
CAN" LIGHTHOUSES.
The Different Buildings and Lamps
—Notable American Lighthouses
—Number of Persons Employed
and the Cost of Maintenance.
The , latest , , report , of . the United r- *i. j i
Lighthouse Board gives for this country
alone the following grand showing of
our coast sentinels: In 1888 there were
2230 lighted and 4696 unlighted aids,
making a grand total of 6926 aids to
navigation, consisting of lighthouses,
graded from the first to the sixth order,
lightships, fog signals, day beacons and
buoys of every description. The report
further goes on to state that in the con¬
struction, care and maintenance of these
various aids are employed twenty-seven
vessels which are used in the construc¬
tion of the different works and in carry¬
ing supplies; the service also giving
employment in different capacities of
light keepers, crews of lightships and
laborers to 3035
As it was found necessary that each
signal should present something peculiar
to itself that would render it a protector
in truth and not a misguiding and con¬
fusing indicator, a variety of lights was
introduced. The complete system as
used at present comprises eight varieties
—namely: fixed white, fixed red, flash¬
ing white, flashing red, fixed white varied
by red flashes, fixed white varied by red
and white flashes and flashing red and
white alternately. Only the two colors,
white and red, are employed, the latter
color being obtained by either using a
•bimney of ruby glass or panels of red
glass outside the lens; red is thus chosen
as being the one color whose rays, above
all others, best penetrate the thick and
murky atmosphere of a fog.
Of the 2230 lighted aids to navigation
fifty-two are what are termed first order
lights. The height of the tower is re¬
gulated by the elevation of land on which
it is placed, and the angle of vision sea¬
ward that is desirable to establish, and as
it is necessary that by day as well as by
night distinct difference should exist be¬
tween the different stations, variety of
shapes, number of out-buildings, differ¬
ent coloring and different combinations
of color arc employed to give to each
station its own idiosj ncrasies, making it
a totally separate and individual thing
from any other of its fellows.
The Absecon Light, Atlantic City,
N. J., which divides with the Fire Island
Light the honor of being the first land¬
mark discerned by incoming vessels, is
167 feet high, and to give some idea of
the thickness of its walls, it will be suffi¬
cient to say that while the outside diam¬
eter at its base is twenty-six feet ten
inches, the interior measurement is but
ten feet. Its color or day mark is white
part of the way from the base of the
tower, and it completes its individuality
by two horizontal stripes of red and
white for the remainder of the distance
upward. in the United
The oldest lighthouse
States is the Boston Light, on Little
Brewster Island, at the main entrance to
Boston Harbor. It is a light of the sec¬
ond order, flashing every thirty seconds,
thrown from a tower 111 feet above sea
level and visible for sixteen and a half
miles. So greatly was this light es¬
teemed that in 1718, when the first
keeper, a certain George Worthylake,
lost his life in a storm, together with
that of his wife and daughter, Benjamin
Franklin wrote a ballad thereon and
hawked it about the streets of Boston.
During the Revolution this light passed
to and fro between the British and
Americans, until, when the British fleet
evacuated Boston Harbor, it was blown
up by them. It was, however, restored
by Alassachusetts in 1783, and rebuilt in
its present shape in 1859.
The Farallon Light, on the largest of
the Farallon Islands, off the entrance to
San Francisco Bay, Cal., commands the
surrounding sea from the great height of
360 feet. It is lonely enough, this
Farallon Light, with its conical, white
tower 'perched upon with the very neighbors highest
point of the rock, no
save tbe screaming gulls, and a weird
and mournful sound issuing from the
depth of the rock every forty-five sec¬
onds, a first-class steam siren or fog horn
occupying a subterranean cave.
The well-protected Boston Harbor can
also boast of another fine light, the cele¬
brated Alinot’s Ledge Light, founded
veritably on a rock, holes twelve inches
in diameter and five feet deep being
drilled therein to receive the heavy
wrought iron piles on which this octagon
tower is built. Such is the present struc¬
ture, the first one being sw'ept away in
1851 .after the labor of eleven years having
been expended upon it. So important
was this warning signal considered, that
in May, 1855, the work of rebuilding it
wfiS begun, and completed in 1860, and
as the sun went down on the evening of
November 15 of that year, the magnifi¬
cent star of Alinot’s Ledge Light shone
out steady and clear from its tower. The
“Outer Alinot’s,” on which this light
stands, has rarely a surface greater than
twenty-five feet, which is left uncovered
by the sea ; the lighthouse tower is
therefore the realm in which the keepers
must live and move and have their being.
The structure is divided into five stories,
svith a sixth compartment directly under
the br*eru, constituting the keepers'
rooms, store rooms, etc., and the entire
cost of this light was $300,009.
Such structures are litely to be super-
sededby towers of iron instead of masonry,
■
as being lighter and especially adapted td
sites, where altitude and lightness of
weight are both indispensible. The two
representative ones of this order are those
< n the Fowey Rocks and American Shoals,
Florida, and which rest on iron piles
driven into a foundation of coral rock.
The first of these fine structures built at
Fowey Rocks, at the northern extremity
of Florida Reefs, was begun in the spring
of 1867, and completed on .Tune 15,
1878, ’ the whole sum expended being
but $ 175 O0 0.
Lighthouses are divided into various
orders, from first to sixth, according to
the strength of lens apparatus. They are
placed on capes, rocks and headlands, and
vary from eighteen to twenty-seven their nau¬
tical miles in the carrying power of
lights. Second and third order lights
are employed to mark islands, reefs,
sandbars, etc., while the lights of an in¬
ferior order are used at the entrances to
harbors and channels. The river lights
are very simple in their arrangements,
consisting of a pole with an arm at its
top to support a lantern, or sometimes an
iron spindle inserted into the rock in the
bed of the river.
Pier-head lights are peculiar to the
harbors of the great lakes, and are twe
parallel piers of crib-work filled with
stone and run out into the lake. On om
pier is placed a light of the fourth or fifth
order, in a fr;me structure, either square
or polygonal, in which is a room for sup¬
plies and a place for the keeper to sleep.
Buoys are used to mark channels, and are
of two varieties, lighted and unlighted,
there being but few of the former, and
those lighted by compressed illuminating
gas and electricity.
It may have been a matter of wondei
to the many in this age of electrical ap¬
pliances, that that agent has not super¬
seded the use of mineral oil in the major¬
ity of lights. This is partly owing to
the fact that the electric light being a
pure white light does not show as dis¬
tinctly in the white opaque atmosphere
of a fog as does the yellow illumination
of. the mineral oil, and partly to the fact
that electric application is not yet suffic¬
iently perfected to render it thoroughly
reliable.
The lightships are schooner stronglj
built, brilliantly painted, and with a col¬
ored disk suspended from each mast to
distinguish them from ordinary vessels
by day, while at night there are power¬
ful lights hoisted, consisting of eight or
nine lamps with reflectors arranged in a
circle, inclosed in a lantern, which are
lowered to the deck into a small house
during the daytime. These vessels are
provided with a fog-bell and sometimes
a fog-whistle, and are stationed on shoals
where it is impossible to establish any
other kind of warning light, being held
fast in their position by an anchor weigh¬
ing about 3000 pounds, and carrying its
name “mushroom anchor” by its peculiar
shape. There arc twenty-three of these
lightships now in position on the coast,
and they are much used in the English
service.
In all of the States heavy fines and im¬
prisonments are meted out to those who
interfere, with these aids to navigation,
and in Florida the penalty of a certain
number of stripes to be applied to the
person of the transgressor is added.
The manufacturing establishments ol
the Lighthouse Board and the general
depot of supplies for the United States
are on Staten Island, and these supplies
are distributed by the aid of steam ten¬
ders. The whole cost of the United
States Lighthouse Service foots up pei
year to the grand total of $1,415,500.
The coast is divided into fifteen dis¬
tricts, each district having a naval office!
as inspector, who is expected to examine
all the stations in his district once every
three months, making reports to the
board monthly covering all things con¬
nected with each station, furnishing tc
the engineers notes of needed repairs, and
attending to salaries of keepers and sup¬
plies of stations. In addition, each sta¬
tion has an engineer, an officer of the
army, who has charge in some cases ol
two or three districts, and to whom is
confided the construction and repairs o
all fixed aids to navigation within the
circuit.
The number of lighthouse keepers for
the fiscal year ended June 30, 1888, was
1024, their salaries varying according to
the importance of lights and cost of liv¬
ing in different sections of the country;
for out of their salaries the keepers are
expected to pay for their uniforms and
cost of living. The salaries paid on the
Pacific Coast are about $1000, while
along the Atlantic there is but one, the
Alinot’s Ledge keeper, who gets that
amount. As a rule the keepers of $700 lights
of the first order receive from to
$800 per year, whilst those of the lower
orders range from $500 to $600. The
salaries of assistant keepers vary from
$400 to $550, whilst those of the Cap-
tains of the light vessels are from $750
to $1000 .—New York News.
■v
Paper From Spider AVebs.
George AVest, of Ballston, is in pos-
session of a curiosity in paper, sent him
by a friend in Hong Kong, China. It is
a sheet eleven by fourteen inches, made
from the web of the “sacred white
spider” of the Flowery Kingdom. It is
as light as air and almcst as transparent,
but is also beautifully printed, contain-
ing about two columns of matter, giving
in English the story of how “Alidship-
man Copplestone Was Presented at the
Court of Pekin.” Americans know much
about paper making, but it is safe to say
that there is not a spider w eb paper fac-
tory outside the almond-eyed kingdom.—
St. Louis Republican.
POPULAR SCIENCE.
.It is said that ten per cent, of alum,
added to plaster of paris while being
burned, renders it as hard as marble on
setting, and capable of taking a fine
polish.
Iodide of nitrogen is the most sensi¬
tive substance in existence, and when in
a dry state explodes from the weight of a
fly descending upon it, or on being
touched with a feather.
Signor Schiaparelli, the eminent Mil¬
anese astronomer, well known for his
researches on the canals of Mars, says he
has ascertained, after ten years’ investi¬
gation, that Mercury has a rotation like
that of the moon.
A new botanical garden in the Alps
of Valais is situated on a cone-shaped
knoll about 200 feet high, at an alti¬
tude above sea-level of more than 5600
feet. Plants from all the alpine regions
of the globe will be cultivated.
The French cavalry have ad opted
small steel claws to be screwed into the
horseshoes during the winter months
when the roads are frozen and slippery.
Two claws are placed in each shoe, the
men being furnished with a complete
set of eight.
Experiments on the mental powers of
hundreds of spiders have been made by.
Messrs. G. W. and E. G. Peckham. Evi¬
dence was given that faculty of smell is
fairly developed in all but three out of
twenty-six species, but the position of the
organ ol smell was not found and is not
known.
A member of the California Micro*
scopical Society, Mason Kinne, of San
Francisco, has been making some re¬
markable experiments, the results of
which have caused the gentleman to de- 1
clare his belief in the hypothesis that all
atoms, whether mineral, animal or vege¬
table, are male or female.
The average weight of the male brain
is forty-nine and a half ounces; of the
female forty-four ounces—a difference of
over five ounces. Woman’s brain has a
higher specific gravity, The man has a
larger brain in proportion to stature
(Marshall), but woman’s brain is larger
in proportion to her weight.
Recommended as a very strong cement
for iron is a mixture of equal parts of sul¬
phur and white lead w r ith about one-
sixth part of borax. When used, the
composition is wet with strong sulphuric
acid, and a thin layer is pressed between will
the pieces of iron. In five days it
be hard and appear like welding. •I
When Sir J. Ilerschel was defending
the character of astronomical science
in view of an error of nearly 4,000,000
miles in estimating the sun’s distance,
the correction was shown to apply to
an error of observation so small as to be
equivalent to the apparent breadth of a
human hair at a distance of 125 feet.
A letter from Port Spain, Trinidad,'
speaks of the recently discovered curative
qualities of a plant locally known as
cousin mahoe, whose botanic name is the.
triumfetta scmitriloba. In cases of dys¬
pepsia, indigestion and liver complaints
the therapeutic effects of this plant have
been simply wonderful. The doctors on
the island prescribe it largely, knowing
its valuable properties. . >
It has been shown that the duration ol
a lightning flash is not infinitesimal, but
that the flash lasts a measurable time.
For example, if one sets a camera in rapid
vibration and exposes in it a plate so as
to receive the impression of the flash, it
is found that the impressions appear
widened out on the negeative, showing
the negative to have moved during the
time the flash w r as in existence.
Not Disposed to Invest in Silverware.
“We meet some queer people among
the many w'ho are constantly flitting into
end out of this store, but an old man and
bis wife, upon whom I waited a few days
ago, took the prize for pure, unadulter¬
ated simplicity. The couple were evi¬
dently on their first visit to New York
rom the country. AY’hen I approached
them tile old lady, who was undoubtedly
master of ceremonies, stated that they
wanted to purchase a soup tureen.
it 4 Do you want plated ware or silver?'
I asked.
U 4 Solid silver, ter be sure,’the woman
responded, with a glance that, had I
been anybody else than a salesman,
would have frozen me. i
“After seeing a numbev of designs the
old lady decided upon one and inquired
the price. dollars,’! '
“ ‘One hundred and twenty
answered, as 1 called to a boy to take the
article to the shipping room. -
“ ‘What!’ she almost screamed. ‘One
hundred and twenty dollars fer that?
Wall, I swan.’ For a few minutes they
gazed at me, as if I had expressed an in¬
tention of robbing them, after which
they conferred together. Presently the
old gentleman turned around, and in a
quivering voice said he guessed they’d
better buy a plated tureen, as that was
just as good. j
“We have several dozen designs in
examining plated ware each in stock, the and old after lady criticallyj plucked 1
one
up courage enough to ask the price of
one that had only recently been pro¬
duced, and was selling for $18. WheiF
I mentioned the price, she looked blan’
ly at her husband and said she gue
we didn’t have anything to suri
As they were going out of thp .
overheard the remark: ‘AY
dear stores these in New Y
sure. I wouldn’t pay
soup tureen—no, not :
in the country *
one