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!; -BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
t VARIOUS SOURCES.
f
“Weep, and You Weep Alone”—The
Same Old Dun—If He Only Had
Them Overestimated Its
Value—Needed Rest, Etc.
... *
us -
If you are not in danger.
pr E'en the dog in the manger
rj May offer to lick your hand:
S3 But it' in adversity,
Every man lick in the if city
Will you he can.
—New York Herald.
THE SAME OLD DUN.
“Did you tell the giocer that I am not
receiving calls of any kind to-day?”
“ Yessir; but he said as how you ought
to appoint a receiver, then.”— Puck.
OVERESTIMATED ITS VALUE.
“I hear you struck a 2.40 gait when
left Miss Bjones’s last.” :
you
“Oh no; that gate cost more than that;
2.40 won't more than pay for the re¬
pairs.”— Bazar.
couldn't survive it.
Two young girls were discussing a re¬
cent execution the other day in a rail¬
way carriage on the Brighton Road:
“Fancy being hauged!” exclaimed one.
4 ‘Imagine the disgrace.”
“Oh, horrible!” coincided the other.
“I am sure I should never survive it.”—
London Fun.
AN ARTIST’S SARCASM.
First Artist—“I have got an order
from Mrs. Portly to paint her portrait.
Second Artist—“I suppose she wants
a good likeness—something that looks
lifelike and natural '”
First Artist—“No, on the contrary,
she says she wants a handsome picture.”
— Texas Sift ings.
IF IIE ONLY HAD THEM.
“You must have patience, my young
man, if you expect to succeed,” expostu¬
lated a gentleman with a young physician,
who had jtist hung out his sign and was
getting restless, as no work came to him.
“I know that,” replied the young doc¬
tor, “but how on earth am I to get
them? ’— Atlanta Constitution.
WHERE TO GET AIR.
Without consulting any of the other
passengers an old fellow in a railroad
car lets down both windows, and then
remarks (looking round complacently)
—“A cold norning this, but 1 must say
I like air!”
Fellow-Pasengor (gruffly)—“Why in
thunder don’t you get out on the roof?'’
— Chatter.
NEEDED REST.
Auxiou* Wife—“Doctor, how is my
husband i"
Doctor—-“He will come around all
right. What he needs now is quiet. I
have here a couple of opiates.
4 4 When shall I give them to him?’’
“Give them to him? They are for
you, madam. Your husband needs rest.”
— Texas Siftings.
HIGHLY PLAUSIBLE.
Jack Ripley (feeling in all his pockets)
—“Strange where the deuce it went to! I
can’t seem to— ”
Haberdasher—“Lose anything, sir?’’
Jack Ripley—“Well, Iwantyou to see
that all-wool undergarment you sold me
two weeks ago—but I guess it must have
slipped through a hole in my vest.”—
Dry Goods Chronicle.
a nice discrimination.
A railroad man tells this story:
“Out ou the road all the hotel employes
knew me and catered to my appetite for
good edibles. At one time I ordered a
beefsteak, and a stranger next me at the
table said he would take the same, where¬
upon the rascally waiter called out:
44 4 Two beefsteaks—one for a railroad
and the other for a gentleman. 7 77
man
Chicago Times.
JOY UNSPEAKABLE.
“Wonder what’s the matter with Harry
and his wife? They don’t even speak to |
each other now, I’m told.”
“So? Then Harry wasn’t disappointed
in his anticipations. ”
“How’s that?”
“Why, he told me before he was mar-
Tied to Carrie that it would be a joy un-
speakable to pass his life in her society.”
_ Boston Transcript. •
STRONG EVIDENCE.
“Young man," said the boarding mis-
tress, stcrnlv, “your comments are out of
plgce. r 1 made biscuit, sir, fifty years *
* g “Verv likely,'’ the sinner's replv,
was
adding in an agitated undertone to his
side partner, “and if circumstantial evi-
dence goes for anything, this specimenn
I'm whetting my teeth on is one of 'em."’
—Philadelphia Turns.
A DISTINCTION AND A DIFFERENCE.
44 Mrs. Brindle—“I must have some
money to-day, William. * I'm going
shopping.” (in surprise)—“What ^ do
Mr. Brindle
you want with money?” (ditto)—“How I buy
Mrs. Brindle can
goods without money?” going to
Mr. . Brindle—“Oh! you're
buy something? I thought you were
only going, shopping.” — Lippincott ’*
Magazine.
HAD BEEN IN THE BUSINESS.
A seedy-looking individual stepped
into the hotel and said to the clerk
“Fve been in the business myself, b’
I'm broke: and can’t you help the pro
fession ?”
He was given the best meal the house
afforded. As he sauntered back, com¬
placently picking his teeth, the clerk
queried:
< . Bin in the biz, hey?”
‘-Yes.”
“Hotel or boarding?”
“Boarding”—here* they reached the
door.
“Boarding what?”
‘•Boarding freight trains!”
And a dull, dun streak sped around
the coi ner.— Light.
HAD HAD EXPERIENCE.
“Well, now, this is something like,”
xciaimed Mrs. Nevvwife, awakening her
husband suddenly from a stolen after-
dinner nap. “It says here in the paper
that at the Hotel Bernina, in Samoden,
they are cooking beefsteak by electricity.
What a blessing that will be to the poor,
overworked women if it becomes gen¬
eral.”
“What are they doing?” grunted the
husband, only half awake.
4 4 Cooking beefsteak by electricity.”
“Where?”
“In a foreign hotel.”
i 4 Umph! Nothing very new about
that. Never got a piece of hotel beef¬
steak yet that didn’t look as if it had
been struck by lightning .”—Detroit Fret
Press.
ONLY SURPRISED HIM.
“Whata homely man,” said Prettitome
the stranger, as he strolled down the
village street with his friend,
“Yes,” said his friend, “that is Peter
Gray; he is very homely, but the pleas¬
antest tempered man in the world. You
can’t, make him mad; no matter what you
do you can't anger him.”
4 4 Dollars to doughnuts,” said the
stranger, “I can rile him all up.”
He walked up to Peter and caught
hold of his grey beard.
“You miserable old swindler,” he
said.
“You surprise me,” said Peter, with
an impatient gesture.
When Prettitom recovered conscious¬
ness he was lying on the drug store
counter, and they were bathing his face.
“What was that he said?” ho murmured
in broken tones.
“He said that you surprised him,” re¬
peated his friend.
4 4 That's what I thought he said,’’mur¬
mured the stranger, 4 4 Let us return
thanks that I didn’t irritate him.”
CHICAGO VANQUISHED BY BOSTON.
Footpad (presenting pistol)—“Fork
over your rhino, and be quick about it!”
Near - sighted Bostonian — “ Beg
pardon!” Unlimber!
(Sternly) “No monkeying!
Produce the scads!”
“Pardon me, but I do not apprehend
the drift of yiur-”
“Cease your patter! Don't you see
I’ve got the drop? Unload your
boodle!”
“I am totally at a loss, my dear sir, to
perceive the relevancy of your observa¬
tions or to-”
“Clan a stopper on your gab and
whack up, or I’ll let ’er speak! Turn
out your bundle quick! Get a squirm
oi» you!
“Is there any peculiarity in the ex¬
ternal seeming of my apparel or de¬
meanor, sir, that impels you, a total
stranger, to-”
“Once more, you dash-bedashed bloke,
will you uncork that swag?”
(Hopelessly bewildered) “My friend, I
confess my utter inability to gather any
coherent idea from the fragmentary ob¬
servations you have imparted. There is
something radically irreconcilable and
incapable of correlation in The vocabu¬
laries with which we endeavor to make
the reciprocal or correspondential inter¬
change of our ideas intelligible. Y T ou
will pardon me if I suggest that syn-
chronization of purpose is equally indis¬
pensable with homogeneity of cerebral
impression, as well as parallelism of idiom
and-” *
But the highwayman had fled in dis-
ma y.— Chicago Tribune.
The Future of Our Planet.
Among the writings of those who love
to speculate on the future of our planet
there is probably somewhere (though we
have not had time to discover it) an essay
on the cosmical changes which man will
he able to produce in the earth. The
data for solving this problem are striking, all
In a few centuries man has acquired
those represented P° w «* by °\ his er knowledge ^d solid of objects explo-
3ues ant his use of steam. Multiply tne
centuries, and With them the history, by
convenient figures (a familiar process in
thls kiu ? of problem) and there is no
reason why the earth s axis of rotation
“ houlrl not be sb,ftcd considerably by
human ag ency. Aature.
_
, hardening , . metals, , . has
_ lor
a powder
lately been introduced which is made as
follows After extracting the color from
the cochineal insect, 100 parts of the
residue are mixed with 2024 parts of
phosphoric acid with sufficient nitrogen-
ous organic substance to give 32 ± parts
of nitrogen; the mixture is then evapor-
ated, dried, and fifty parts of soot added,
Sheet iron may be hardened by heating
: i contact with this powder in hermetic-
ally closed boxes.
801111 EM JNOTES.
INTERESTING NEWS FROM ALL
POINTS IN THE SOUTH.
GENKRAI. PROGRESS AND OCCURRENCES
WHICH ARE HAPPENING below ma¬
son's AND DIXON’S LINE.
A gang of forgers of Italian and Span¬
ish bonds lias been captured at Trieste.
The Mississippi State board of health
at Jackson on Tuesday ordered the quar¬
antine to commence at the port of Pasca¬
goula May 1st. , .
Monday was the day. according to
Erickson’s prophecy, in which San Fran¬
cisco would be destroyed, and the cranks
weie encamped on the hills outside of the
city, awaiting the news which never
came.
Wakefield W. Price, aged 18, died of
meningitis, at Salisbury. X. C., Friday
night, at midnight. The doctor said the
disease would not necessarily have been
fatal had not Price been addicted to ci¬
garette smoking.
Thomas Henning, who was injured by
an electric wire some time ago, was
awarded $4,000 damages in the United
States court at Charleston, S. C., on Fri¬
day in a suit against the Western Union
Telegraph company. He sued for $5.H ■
000 .
Spotted fever is raging as an Henshaw epidemij
in Union county, Ky., near deatlj
The people are terrified, sixteen
having so far occurred at Ilensliaw. Til
disease is so violent that people are boai| fleJ
ing by scores. The state health I
.
have asked for help.
News has convicts been received in Rockingham of a desperatj ooml
attack by
tv, N. C., upon a guard knocked named down, B. V.M bad! <1
Kensie. He was aiil
beaten and robbed of $75. His gun
revolver were also taken by the convicts I
who then made their escape.
The Anniston, Ala., of Hot Birmingham Blast uot<| arl
that the clergymen discussion the kill
having a lively held over in that city]
miss, which is being Episeopa
under the auspices of the
church. Twenty-three ministers of thl
city, at a conference, entertainment. passed resolutions
denouncing the
Rube Smith, of Lamar county. Waynesboro] Ala.
was on Friday morning, train at robbery. II«1
Miss., convicted of
will not get more than ten years’ sentence.
Rube Smith was with Rube Burrows, the
noted outlaw, in holding up the Mobile Miss.j
and Ohio train, near Buckatuniui, thousand
September 25, 1889, when two I
dollars were taken from an express car.
Under the charter of the proceed! Georgil
Southern and Florida railroad,
iugs have been commenced at Thonia*
ville, Ga., to condemn the right-of-wi*
in that city, and also tor terminal faeii u
ties. A jury of six citizens have be
appointed to make the awards. After;
the preliminary arrangements have be!
completed, it is expected that work (
the road there will commence immediatel
A meeting of the New Orleans cott(W
exchange was held Tuesday for the pur¬
pose of considering the Butterworth bill.
President Parker, who presided, made
an address, stating that if the bill became
a law it would affect between $500,000,-
000 and $1100,000,000 yearly business and
have a serious effect on the trade and
commerce of this county. Resolutions
were passed strongly protesting against
the passage of the bill and calling upon
each member of the exchange to do his
utmost.
Tuesday was the first sale of lots at
New England City, Ga., a town estab¬
lished a few months since by New Eng¬
land people. The town is located four¬
teen miles south of Chattanooga. Sever¬
al hundred excursionists, from New
England, came in on a special train.
Three hundred and fif v lots were sold,
aggregating $168,000. Fully two thou¬
sand people were attracted to the town.
Most purchases made were by New Eng¬
land people. The lots averaged about
$20 a front foot.
ANOTHER BREAK-
IN THE LEVEES, AND A TOWN TWO FEET
UNDER WATER.
A New Orleans dispatch of Saturday,
says: The break in the Atchafalaya
levee, which occurred Wednesday, two
miles south of Sirasport, in Point ide Coupes
parish, is now six hundred feet w and
seven feet deep. The town of Simsport
is said to be about two feet under water.
Cason levee, ou the west bank, about
seventeen miles north of Nelville, broke
on Saturday night. This break is said to
be 390 feet wide and ten feet deep. Ad¬
vices were also received at Big Bend
levee of Bayou des Glaisa. eight mi Ira
west of Simsport, badly broken.
CIRCUMSTANCES ALTER CASES.
Jones was hunting one diywhen boar’s le
found himself confronted by a
cub.
“I ccnfess that 1 did not want 1 > lire,”
he said to a friend in relating the cir¬
cumstance; “but it it had been a full-
gre.wu one the:e would have been a life-
and-death str.’gg e between us.”
“So you took pity on him ?’
“No; I put spuis to my has • and got
J out ble, cf for the I neigh knew b the rhood little as soon rascal's as pus
s j a
j ltU diua could not be farotf."-fJi:dg^
the sensation ®r tne v hineae quarter
in San Francisco is Ling Chuck, who is
known all over the Celestial world as
the most celebrated actor of the age.
He came to this country under a ten
months’ engagement, for §5,000, and
among his accomplishment? is that of
being able t > leap over chairs and tables
with the agility of an insect, the appel¬
lation of applied “che human him. fly” being not
inaptly to
T. H. 'WRIGHT. w. rr alLejt.
WRIGHT & ALLEN,
--DEALERS IX
Dry Goods, Groceries,
Hats, Shoes,
HARDWARE AND PLANTATION SUPPLIES.
We can furnish you with High Grade
Fertilizers, the best on the market. Try
them. Best quality Corn, Hay, Oats, Bran.
Our stock of Ladies’Goods is complete, and
we exten d a cordial invitation to call and inspect
pkysgd with what we have
PB0FESSI0NAL CARDS.
Smith. W. P. Blasingame.
[WITH & BLASINGAME,
rORNEYS AT LAW,
Knoxville, Ga.
»t and faithful attention given to
.incss entrusted to their care.
HONEY CHEAP AND EASY.
(o)
on want CHEAP AND QUICK
!Y, on easy and liberal terms, you
t it by calling on
IV. P. BLASINGAME,
Attorney at Law.
Knoxville, Ga.
G EORGIA— Crawford County.—
James A. Moore and John J. Cham¬
pion, executors of James Roberts, de¬
ceased, have applied to me for letters of
dismission from their executorship. Un¬
less good objections are filed, I will
grant them letters dismissory on the fiist
Monday in June, 1890. Witness my
hand officially this the 4th day of
Much, 1890. O. 1\ WRIGHT,
Ordinary.
EORGIA— Crawford Count y.—
Uw. K. Eubanks Executor of Eligab
Eubanks, deceased, has in due form ap¬
plied to me for letters of dismission from
his executorship. Unless good objec¬ said
tions thereto are filed, I will grant to
W. K. Eubanks such letters dismissory on
the 1st Monday in June, 1890. Witness
my hand officially.
O. P. WRIGHT,
Ordinary.
G EORGIA —Crawford County. —W.
M. Taylor, administrator of estate of
Rufus Carter, deceased, has applied for
letters dismissory from the administration
of said estate, and such letters will be
granted on the first Monday in May next,
unless good objections are filed. Witness
my hand officially, this January 27th,
* 'WRIGHT,
1890. O. P.
jan 31-13 Ordinary.
P EORGIA— Crawford County. —A.
U C. Sanders and James M. Sanders,
executors of the will ofThos. J. Sanders,
deceased, have applied to me for letters
dismissory from their executorship;
therefore all persons concerned are here¬
by required to show cause, if any they
have, on the first Monday in May next,
why such letters should not be granted.
Witness my hand officially, January
27th, 1890. O. P. WRIGHT,
Jan. 31—13t Ordinary.
GEORGIA —Crawford County. — II.
U M. Burnett, administrator ou estate
of Mrs. Martha Stembridge, deceased,
has applied to me for letters of dismis¬
sion from the administration of said es¬
tate, and same will be granted on the
first Monday in July next, unless good
objections are filed. Witness my hand
officially this April 1st. 1890. WRIGHT, -
O. P.
Ordinary.
p EORGIA— Crawford County. —W.
U J. Slocuinb. as administrator of the
estate of S. P. Williamson, deceased, ha<-
applied for letters of dismission from
said trust. This is therefore to cite all
persons concerned to show cause, if any
they have, within application the time should prescribed
by law why said not
be granted. hand officially this, the
Witness my
31st day of March. 1890.
(>. P. WRIGHT,
Ordinary.
W.F. BLASINGAME
DENTIST,
xville, - - Georgia.
spectfully tender my services in the
se of Dentistry to the citizens of
Knoxville and surrounding country, and
will spare no effort to secure satisfaction. my patrons
com petent work and perfect
.’-IF”Charges Beasonable.
KNOXVILLE
HIGH SCHOOL
SPRING TERM.
Opens Tan nary 13
Closes .. . June 27
FALL TERM.
Opens September !.
Closes December 19.
Hate of tuition for All Classes. $2 pel
month. A pro rata allowance will be
made for Public Fund.
Each pupil will be taught by the most
modern methods.
1 cordially solicit your patronage. Fur¬
ther information will be cheerfully fur¬
nished by
C. C. POWER,
Principal.
THE HARRIS HOUSE,
KNOXVILLE, GEORGIA.
Always open to public patronage. We
try to please our guests. Comfortable
Room and good Fare. Free hack to and
from Depot.
21, T. HARRIS,
Proprietor.
NOTICE.
I will be at the following places for re-
ceiving tax returns for the present year,
1890: Monday.
Tabers, 21st day of April on Tuesday.
Rogers, 22d “ 4 4 “ Wednesday. “
Sowell’s 23d “ “ “ Thursday.
Sandy Point.24th “ “ “
Webb's 30th “ • Wednesday.
Hammocks 1st “ “ May Thursday.
Beasley’s 3d ( 4 “ Friday.
Knoxville 10th “ * 4 “ Saturday.
R. H. KNIGHT,
Tax Receiver.
March 19tb. 1890. tf
The United States steamer Ent-:rp:iy-
which has been ordered out of commit.-
will, her repairs have been maae.
as soon as station. She
return to the European John {
carry the body of inventor
Sweden for final interment.