Americus daily recorder. (Americus, Ga.) 1884-1891, September 21, 1884, Image 3

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Americus daily recorder., September 21, 1884, Image 3

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Newspaper Page Textmmmmmm Jf'iN , *:ua ortmt «umm#r. ♦, to* " i’ll miss you so much, Mr. Brown: dio world, ns you know, is overflowing with sorrow— They toll me it’s lively in town: sorry you’re off; good-by; thank you kindly For rending me all these nice books, didn’t propone, as I thought he would, blindly; He’s not such a fool ns lie look-*.) IIk. Oh, res, it » true; I am going to-mori Good-night and good by, Miss dr there’s always a bane Tor the worl lu thinking of your fair fuc<*. me, but these parting* ui e sad he; reason! Don't laugh—it fsu't n tear.” hsng-Hl if I come to this place wesson— I’ve had a close stave this y.-ar dir. Kites Nalllnu:. lllarjjer’s Bazar J Mr. Bites having been invited to nail by vjueczebreese yacht club, gets hiiiim-It , in what he suppose to ini tin eorreet fitting costume and embarks on Ids tirst il.ug voyage. “ *Av coorse,’ fai l te; ‘make it the big- gest layout ye ivor had.’ “ ‘Now,’ says O:, as placed a* punch, Mill ill Lake* this thing lie contliraet, or U it could cnxhr “ TotiM roshf sftVS lie. *' ’Widiir says Oi. “ ‘To-:uorrer m i ruin’,’ says he. ** ’"'hut name;’ says Oi. “ ‘b. Finegass Tompkins, room 15, Ne vada block,’ say* he. ‘Oi’U be haw iu wan hour to take ve to th’ house fur inc-jRuriti’ ••Well, wit! that Oi called our the min mi’ *tu«l threat, an’ B. Finegnss Tompkins wipt an’ wii.l that brandy was bracin’ and took two metro nips an’ turned down th-* „thi*o<?t to Ink up tli* itruyehers OI v.«s in hoigh (ither. Oi a lot nv cilitH and fc«dyphoned fur th* hooises an’ engaged I very h u-\ in th’ city an’ thivaled the It’ys Hfreen tino« an’ waited fur B. Fiiiegasa Tompkins’ return. The hour came an’ lie didn't. .An if her hour passed an’he didn’t. Mo l»’y ho niver c«m* back at all. This mat nin’ Oi slut down Jerry to room 15, No- vnyd* block, on’ they’d uiverheard av him. HiysOito i e If, •tl.in, Im lad th’ i«t!.?ecj shall.’ An' vu d ye itelave it, th’ villin was a ravin’ Inmintir, clean out nv Ids hid. H •’ l uurrko-l th’ bull town! Ti e vngyt*UM» had ardhre.l fifty sieves, twinty safes, thirty-four tombstones, twelve clocks, siv- iu«y-tive ii-« cream freezers, eighteen idioarcli bedia an' tclegraplied east for Bin Bn I r. ' Hill Nyc’w Kx]perl. un claoTTff [FuckTl I presume that l shall not' be accused of sacrilege iu referring to the Chinese god a« an inferior work of art. Viewed simply from an artistic and economical standpoint, Iteeem* to me that, tho CblpWnaii should have less pride in hi* bow-legged and in- efllcfent god t4inn in any othei*’ national in* sitntion. 1 do not wish to l*o understood as interfer ing with any mail's religious views; but when polygamy is made a divine decree, or a bass-wood deity Is whittled out and pointed rei, to look up to and to worship, I cannot treat that sc called religious l.elief with courtesy and ivverenee. I am quite lilmial iu all religious matters. People have no- god of commerce seems to mo to lie gicativ overrated. ' He set'ins to lack that gHtuot-* decision of character which shoo'd b* .•> feature of «.m overruling pow<-r. COMPARE THE OLD PRICES Will- txur r.»r imK** ot -AT- Schumpert THE :l ONLY T-rr.wd C.ty Milkman.—“Great Prntt! j What’s that! Mary, bring t‘io gun q.iiek, there’* a wiki beast In the yard Mary (who was one* in tiio country)— “ Way, you old fool, that’s a cow f’ T. .Milkman.—“You don*-say so!" I Il*n 1 Dttiiiflilcr. Mr. Bites is iu tho hoight of enjoyment < nir and motion when the b.Mmsman cal •Hard a-lee!’ j A Dude 7lc«*i« lBurlington Free IV.**.) j A fasiiionablodudo who has been spending j the ainninr at St. Albans became acquainted with a pretty country loss on an excursion, ! * al received aw invitation to call njsm hei j m her home iu East Swan ton. Hiring a j nobby outfit ho drove out there ouo day last week and drew up at the farm house dcor in ! great s;nte. No one making their np|»oar* I mice, he reached out and tapped on tho door ! with his cane. Presently a woman appeared | w ilh her arms covered wiih flour up to her i elbows. “Aw—is Mis, Blank at home, may 1 itplired the dude. “AVill you kindly inform me where she #*’ “Wal. if you must ku \v, sir? ain’t a him e l miles off. But she’s busy.” "Alt! walerin: her roses, r do not doul.t- The Oriental fjO>t «/com mom*. I naked tin phrenologist to coma with me nml oxainino tho head of the alleged Jodi, im 1 to state whether or not ho believes that the pro]ierl.v balanced head of a Mavssfu’ god should not liuve a more protuberant knob of .Spirituality, and a loss pronounced AHmcutivouv'ss. Khonltl tho bump of Com bativeness hang out over tho ear, while Time, Tium mul Calculation are notlcenblv rtMctnt; J certainly wot not. Again, Imw can the physiognomy of th. Cid stial Josh bo consistent with the moral mid temperate godr The low brow would not indicate a pronounced omniscience, and the Jumbo ears and the copious neck would not impress ruo with tho idea of purity and spirituality. * It is, no doubt, wrong to attack sa -red Hatters for tho purpose of gaining uotoriety but I Indiavo I uui right when I nswirl tho the Ciiiiieso god must go. We should not Is puritanical, but we might safely draw tii< lino at the iiow-lcggcd and sedentary g.sl dess < f leprosy. If Confucius bowed the suppliant knee t« that go/gle-eyod jim-jum Josh 1 am grieved to know it. If such was the case tho friend* of CoufiiciiiH should keep the matter fron 1 cannot Ixjliavn that the groat pltilos I3V AMERICUS. opher wallowed in the dust at the f. such a iM.lkn-dot caricature horrid dteniii. ilia*.* <• is I'cscu.xl, however, but not until a er ••••tinfsl how fnr a boat can sail in lie •;i litre it takes a man to get Ins !»»•.•• • •ve water. Tl»e Dogcntchcr’M Dilemma. [Life]. ' it J !)• ('. Uiol to say with ad> His Mind'll miration that liis nos** was oye jwn-frai^. tlint of mi antique Homan. »r*tertnc a Funeral Fit lor a Li,.., I’fue iaglotide.) ,; "Meu, tin) undertaker, tlieother hi. rttiog '•>s laboring untler u dean nielau holy: "What’s the matter, ThfnntiF’ a ropott'f k^l. inpatlieticaliy. ”t’s a decay in’ wur-ruld” said he, wl it a •Utterick sigh, “Thera was a feller come i here this tuarniu’ wld gvief in Ids e ve nml wliito moprag in lit* Inn I. ‘Is this Tom in, “‘den, tho undertaker)’ say, ho. '• The very same,’ says 1. "Kin Oi hav a wurrd wid yof’ miyt im in “isthractcd v’ioe. ’Five hundred, >ayg Oi. " 'OS’rn thodost uv a fam’ly uv eight,’ say, \ *ull «» thimdead iu a single uoight.’ * Y ,H l I* merciful to ye,’ says Oi, ‘but ov did it happenf ’’*Tlvu aoor gas in tho tay,’ says lie, wid **M Ink on him. | ‘An’ yon want tldm plantedV say* Oi.JJ “J * single grave,’ says ho. . I, *■ ku*‘* av a funeral t says Oi. Fit fur a king,’ stiys Jw. * iin hacksf* says Oi. -J hundredT says he. . 'h? op ' u a hoorses’ says Oi. ’Eight Loonies,’ say* be. ‘Be hirins, man, paypie’ll think it’s a epidemic,’ say, Oi. tight or nothing.* says he, wid a scowl. J hat choor. hf say, Oi. ’Eight av thiui,’ say, h«». Jh dlviir says Oi. ?« .I b w fa 1 n M ly W:u divoidod,' says he; *.m 0i ’ 11 8iv# ye a list av tlw »|>t wUjloni to inorret, an’ yo’ll v .r*\ ‘ h 9 or ^ at each choorch.’ “ Til*. What kial IT caskiUf saysOi. *. fH"**•*pin*lTe,'says he. * nppsts jre r U hav ihroadsf say* Oi. / e«n>f(f >»*f *e •»>» In make him trork. 1 Inniglit. n Ohineso go<l onee for four bits. II* wa, no! successful iu tho profcssloo which ho aimed to follow. Whatever lit Ituvo boon in China, he was not n very successful god in tho English language. J put him upon the mantel, and tho clock stopped, tho sorvuut girl sent hi Iter resigna tion, and a largo dog jumped through the parlor window. All this happened w ithin two I from the time I erected the lop- eared, knock-kueod and club-fooled Oolong in inv Inmsehohl. iVrhuiM* tbU may linvo been largely dm to my ignorance of his habits. Possibly if lind Ihhui more familiar witii ills accent-ie- itles it w’oultl have been all right; but a, .1 was, tliere was no book of instructions gives, him, and I couldn’t seem to make him work. I hiring tho w eek following, the punpoct shaft of tia«9 Now Jerusalem mine struck r subterranoait gulf-stream an l watvr-loggei the stock, a tail yallow dog, uml.*r Hu Weight of a great woe, pick.si out of my els tern to suicide in, and I skated down (he hack-stairs on my shoulder-blude* and til** phrenological location known ns a lx>vo ot Homo in such n terrible manner ns to jar the f mud dons of tho earth anl kick a larg« hole out of (ho Ixjttoiu of tho night. now not the lady that ho was, but h» it pretty well, ul : A Negro Chairman l*r«cile|i»a: Mails W ard rolltlee. [Arkansaw Traveler.] I The negnx liairman of a convention which ■ icfently mot in Little Hock renders! an im- portant de«*iuon. During a clamor forrevog- nitioii, th-» chairm-n* ssid: “Injt tie cheer—let da che»r rule on dnt . p'in*. De cheer s-ules dal vl** two geutn*nu?n { kain’t talk at do same time. One g-uuer- man muV talk an’ airter h*» git, d«m, «l* ud- ! 1 r g-mtorman he kin talk.” • Who’s g**t do ffo’I” demanded a delegat.v “Ne’ser mine who’s gotde flo’. K«<*p on r axin' yer unp^ivermontry questions an* I yerw'f 11 liab de tlo’—hab ail hit dat yer tin kiver. I takes dU heah mefol fur tei iiounco myse’f de nomluee for county j *dge. ! All iu fabor of de mra^ure will make it j *nown by sain' ‘I,’ au' dose opposed wiil 1 oleasiginupdar Mata ter pu^on, whut’s jut mere kdw. 0# ‘IV hab it" wat**h Go product inn th • high price of egg-, with givttl s *a| inst *«d with th*.*ir hands in th -i tuptnre seemrl gay on-^ m Th# abovj.nrj a f«w of my r*!ason4 for bo- j lievhig that the l/hines** go*I i< either greatly i over-estimated, or.elso hhip{K*r*i ami pro- ! Juoers am flood in. < the nurk.-r with frnndii- | lent go»ls. ; A Perfect Preservative, [Washington Hatchet, j ! Mr. ltunarouiul was out late the other ' night, and the next moruiiigat breakfast, in order to “Justify’’Idmadf, In* rematktsl to I his wife: ■ “ Pet, we hav# Inn-u married twenty ! years, and you look almod as your / as you j Jhl then.” “ You have not chunged a particle,” ,im responded, sweetly. • “ Not changed! ’ he attswere?!, in surprise, , remembering Id, gray lock, ami r tby nose. | “ Why, how can you say thatf* “Because things picserved in alcoliol sever cliange,” she nuawered. Mr. B. buttered his uapkin ring, underthe . tmprceslon that it was a muflin, and th# | meal progressed in silence Burlington Free Press: “Well, X declarer txclaimcd un editor as b« inspected the baby ! »f an old newspaper friend—“if ho Isn't a , narked copy of tha old gaotlsmanr I Burlington Free Prmt ABorilngtoninan us a knn which h# calk th* "Uta* $f Cm* Wfi promiswl in issun of tho Rkcorder of Jnnunry 2d, to give you some prices so soon ns we arranged and marked down our goods. We are notv prepared and ready to give you more goods for leas money than any house that sell goods on thirty days time. Comemplate a few quotations and note the difference in SPOT CASH prices and thirty days credit: Flour. Flour. In this article wo stand head and shoulders above everybody, having rartsneked the big markets of the West and Northwest in search of the best, and paid the CASH DOWN. Wo will sell you First Patent, (entire Roller system) For 50 pounds, $1.75. Old price, ...... $2.15. 2d Pat., for 50 pounds, 1.65. “ ... 1.90. Fancy, for 50 pounds, 1.50. “ 1.S0. Choice Family 50 pounds, 1.35. •* _ 1.65. We guarantee all these Flours as represented, and if not satisfactory you can Tetum them and we will cheerfully refund the money. In future we will keep on hand the best grades of GRAHAM FLOUR—cheap. i.. :i Sugars. Sugars. Will sell you 10 pounds Granulated Sugar for $1.00. “ “ 11 pounds New Orleans Clarified for 1.00. “ “ ll-j; poundsNewOrleans (Bellewood) Clarified, for 1.00. “ “ 13 pounds New York Sugar, for 1.00. In this line we are fully up and advise everybody to seize the golden opportunity and pnr chase at once a sufficiency for the year’s comsumption. Coffee. Coffee. In this article alone (by buying from us) we can save you money enough in one year to buy all the “Santa Claus” you want for the little ones. We deal 6J pounds Choice Pio Coffee for $1. Tlmrbor’s No. 41, (Roasted) a combination of Java, Rio, and Mocha, for 23c per pound. Salt. Salt. Liverpool, full weight, for $1.20 per sack. Fine Salt, seamless bags, 150 pounds,'$1.05 per sackj Bran. Bran. We are slaughtering at the very low price of $1.00 per cwt. to moke room for n cor load ol SEED POTATOE8. Whiskies. Whiskies. In this line we are full to overflowing, and to unload we have reduced the prico on all grades from 25c to $1.00 per gallon. Think of it 1 Cox, Hill & Thompson’s genuine Stone Mountain Corn Whisky for $2.20 per gallon, usually sold at $2.50, Tobacco and We can undersell anybody—we offer “Lucy Hinton” *»t 57c per pound, and all other grades proportionately. We regret tlmt we have not spaoe sufficient to give full and complete quotations on all of onr goods, but you will bear from us occasionally. Remember that by buying your goods from us and paying SPOT CASH you do not pay from 25 to 50 por cent, for bad debts, as usual in oredit store. , ttr*,” Uctnuibsamrs A Word as Regards the Penny ! To all those who scout at the idea of introducing the Penny in Amorlcus, we say that we stand ready to redeem In goods or the cash any amonnt from 6c upwards. Bring them along and get their fall valne at THE ONLY SPOT EASE STORE II W FIRST..DOOR SOUTH OF J. W. WHEATLEYI& CO.’S BANK. Very truly, SCHUMPERT & RONEY. Americus, Ga., January 11, 1S84.