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HriurfW //»' joint* of pipe into sweet com- lV ,u'«a irilh each other. r.,« »■»•»« of tho >* ear wl,en the 1 strife with much fj*r of profanity an l i i-ed On«ew attendant upon the effort, ,. |ve ;y remarks that the time when the T rTo-.r'it to go up is at haul Job get tiroa^h ?*i< boil epidamic all right, but had uni* i takdii to put up the stove, there is kuowiii' wbat iniglit havo been the re* 1,1 ,:il the ages that have gone down Mo,ho df.i, »M» of ,l.o uproarious past, “j. ... fi „.i biography nowhoro intimates Uiat n single one of a long line of red-handed k r ,*w over tried to erect a stove, and bring the several joint.** iuto sweet communion with each other. Only in the modern days tl hung juries, star routes and black Fridays. , flnd g,)ldi«i» and stale-men descend •h base us s. and thus starting them* ; on the down ward road to perdition, ion wo* a wise n in his day, but ho •uiiot up with tin *o»»t time, and tbore- W >v«*r inado a pru\. : . n to fit the case of who owns a recreant store. If he haif he would have remarked; “My sou, i»’{ not fondly on the stove-pipe when it is of joint. The spirit is strong, but the j is weaker than skimmed milk. Hie 8 uay and call the hardware man, and let liii soul go to Gehenna, but save yonr own i, it costs you a dollar. The Lime-Kiln Club. [Detroit Free Press.] Just previous to tho opening of the moot ing Sir Isaac Walpole, who had his left shoe off to cool a bunion, got bis foot in the way of Elder Toots’ No. ll’a, and the result was a spirited little affair, in which Sir Isaa« hai his no« roughly used and the elder found three of his front tooth loosened, bio as had scareoly boon exchanged, how ever, before both old patriots extended Uair hands with words of apology, and ♦.tile Sir Isaac fairly begged tho elder to step on his bunion all the rest of tho week, the elder was earnest in his hope that Sir Imac would loosen all tho rest of Ids molars. '•Which guot to prove,” *aki brother (ia-d* nor. ti he referring to the matter when the meeting had openod. “dutda trifles of life annoy us fur mo’ dan do solid trubblos. A %orv he- l will giu a statesman mo* annoy ance dan a re-eleckslmn. A bile on do log ♦ ill delay a king’s journey. Tight butes have plungod Europe into war. A sour stomach has led to griov’us quuvrols amonj lamous The result teas a spirited little affair “Ut a man’s house burn down, or an epi demic sweep away his family, or reverses cmne to his biznem, on’ in most cases he will ‘how ii( s gan,^ n co’n apitear on his too —a Ulster riz up on Ids heel—a tooth bogin to ache—do cook strike fur higher wages tit he front doah bell git outer order, nn’ nine- wntnan outer of twenty am all broke up «h ready to assert dat ills am a cold world •a hfe ain’t worf do lib in’. ^ /bs be a lesson to us to guard our HJc side. It ain’t dot we shall go hong waives bekass we can’t moot a bank note *®*tt°nwr, but tint we doan’ lower our iuS‘"te a on n o^ ,U 'l,T; 1 n“ W w a;>IKM, f S 0 on our coat tain. We want to - igratuUto a man fur rhtn’ from iioverty K-affluence by hisoun individual extious, *e doan’ koer to bo aroun 1 when *:o r^es a burdock au*l strikes his foot uhl .h» reverence gray hairs in our ^tacii chambers, an’ we hate to suspect dut „: 0Wn , er » °f ’em give way to toars of in* wguashun oUr a shirt too high in do nock * wax in Ur© kitchen water pipe.” To Cure Dyspepsia. Ill I Tb# cnuqr Unlit. CD- T. Highmore.] Ob,iu, canyon aw by the dawn’, early light to p# rc «ir» by the twi. light’s last gleaming; A cranky^ concern that through the long O’er the bed where you slept was so saucily streaming! The silk patches so fair, • Round, three corqered and square, Give proof that the lunatic bed quilt is there. Oh, the crazy quilt mania triumphantly raves, And the nraid, wife and widow are bound as its slaves. THIRD ANNUAL Bill Nye on the Thinker and Hie Think. [Jamestown Hun.] Thought, however, must be coupled with energy and industry, or It may come to naught. Many thoughts protrude into the moist spring air only to be gnawed off by the cut worm of neglect or slowly eaten by ths squash bug of idle speculation. I once knew a man whoso brain was oueof tho most active of his time, and yet his name is not known beyond the limits of his own school district. He had a fine, scholarly mind, yet his liver was torpid. To show how nature delights to deal with incongruities, I need only say that although this man was a poet and an artist in his mind, ho ate pie with a knife and finally died hi obscurity. He was not prac tical with all his greatness, and he walked down the long vista of life holding up his pantaloons by a single naii! How often is this the case. Why should men with the greatest mental endowments be almost prone to gastric eccentricities! And yet it is so. I am that way myself. DISTRIBUTION 200 VALUABLE GIFTS, Americus Recorder TO ITS ADVANCE PAYING SUBSCRIBERS. Turning the Tables. [By Jingo.] ■TiTriwrfEQ Monday, Marek Snd„ A man bent near a high board fence, To weed an onion bed; With back turned to the goat immense, Which quickly at him sped. Let appetite yield to reason. Habit* or a (odflali, [Laramie Boomerang. ] ^“""•PMuIni' «ayt that tho cod It,h fra- *da.K buids of tiio ocean.” Th, tt tajw ou ,' t *1°*- till* to seem*® a, nearly o•Jry. bracing.tmoajihcrh Th. haUJOfyubnuMrl". table lan.lt gtvw baa br ** ,ui ‘ *f chest and width of fclEZr JT* if” oIw *}'* noticed. The g*Mrtesmile of tho colilah is largely at- »luSSt. t ? tll «g»»lloration of thL. oceanlo orldlb wheo at home ■— lail 1 * ’ aobmwdae foneste hm »1U. ve. unbattoaed, a, be K*'$232*'™* th **t«“T .tore, , -S.- — The gout flow on with lowered hoad To butt with force immense; (But this incident isn’t going to end in tic regulation woy, for the man turned arouivJ quickly) Caught Mr. Goat by the curling horns, And tossed him o’er the fence! A Meeting of Ttvo Jonrtes. [Chicago News.] Col. A. M. Jones, chairman of the Re publican state central committee, of Illinois, buing in New York the other day, walked into the National Republican headquarter! and introduced himself to Col. B. F. Jones, chairman of tho National committee. “I believe we must bo of kin,” said Col A. Jones, pleasantly. *“Yes,” replied Col. B. F. Jones,” the narm of Jones is such an uncommon one tbai whonovor I meet a man by the name ol Jones I am pretty well satisfied he is s cousin of mine. Where were you born, colonel!” “In Jo Daviess county, III.,” replied Col, A. M. Jones; “and you?” “In the romantic mountain regions ol Wostern Pennsylvania,” said Col. B. F. Jones, “whore the Jay bird slugs in the lofty pino and the day laborer delves in the bowels of the earth. “My native spot,” rejoined Col. A. M. Jones, “was on the majestic prairies, whort the wild goose flaps his wings and carols tc tho incipient cyclone, and tho unfettered Hennepin canal purls merrily on its way to the sea.” “It seems, then,” said Col. B. F. Jones, “that our native spots would not satisfac torily explain our consanguinuity.” “True,” replied Col. A. M. Jones; “but what was your father’s name?” “His name was Jones,” said Col. B. F. Jones. “Indeed!” exclaimed Col. A. M. Jones; “and what was your grand father’s name?” “Jones,” repliod Col. B. F. Jones. “Singular coincidence!” cried Col. A. M. Jones, “that was my grandfather’j name, anil I am advised by tho genealogical records, which I treasure among my family archives, that my great grandfather’s name was Jones, also.” “And I,” exclaimed Col. F. B. Jones, “have undeniable evidences that my great grandfather on the paternal side was a Jones, too!” ‘•Then, there can bo no doubt we are cou sins!” cried Col. A. M. Jonee. “None at all!” said Col. B. F. Jones. “Cousin 1” exclaimed Col. A M. Jones, in a whirlwind of joy. “Cousin!” echoed CoL B. F. Jones, in an testacy of delight. The two Joneses fell on each other’s necks. And without stopping to make inquiry about tho traditional strawberry mark each was supposed to wear upon his left arm, the two Joneses fell upon each other’s neck and remained for two consecutive minutes in a lingering, languishing embrace. Carving a Chicken. [New York Sun.] Durnley had been asked to carve tb. chicken, and be was struggling with it “What seem* to be the matter, Ur. Dunv ley!” asked the landlady, “ham’l the carv- ‘tSSlCpSiaai-a*-. Desiring t*» Increase tho circulation of the Hr- coKDt.n, and nt tho same tune to encourage the payment of subscriptions In advance, we have for the past two years annually distributed a number of valuable and useful present* among those of our subscriber who paid up all arrears and one year in advance. These Distributions were sc fairly conducted, and the presents gave such gen eral satisfaction, we have determined to make another distribution on the 2d of March next, at which wo shall distribute nrnoug those of subscribers who pay up all arrears and one j in advance the following presents: ONE TON .MASTODON GUANO P&l tar MASTODON GUANO !*^I Manuiactiired by the Georgia Chemical Works,of Augusts, Gn„ and sold by Toole, McGarrah & Tondee, Americus, Ga. Tina brand Is acknowl edged to bo without a superior in Its fertilising qualities, being of high grade nml innuufncturod of the best materials. This ton will he distrib uted in il^ee prises—ono of one half ton, one of 600 pounds, and one of 400 |>aunds. ONE TON HTCOTTON SEED MEAL'!*® erCOTTON SEED MEAL !*® Manufactured by the Americus Oil Company, a fertilizer this Meal has proved to t>e ol greatest value. It not only produces imtnedinto .. mlts. but Its efTecti — — -• .reral yenrsafter. It is also a fine food lor stock. It Issobtby the Oil Company nt their mill for f21 per toll. This ton wilt l>o distributed In three prizes-one of one-half ton and two of one-qr-- WHITESEWING MACHINE! WHITE SEWING MACHINE!! WHITE SEWING MACHINE!!! Manufactured by the White Sewlutf Moch.ne Company, Cleveland, Ohio. This nmcblne has a Fancy Cover, Drop heal, two Drawers at each >ud ol Tnbh-, and D handsomely fltii-lied through* •ut There go with It all the modern attach- .newts, aud It is warranted tor five ytsrs. This Improved Machine Is tlm crownimr feature * of « C2TGENTS’ FINE IIAT !*®; { To he selected by tho hit hj* .“'.'tiS 1 !- icket ih<* tin ny style front the t ilthe stock. gri’AIlt OF LADIES' FINE SHOES ! talncd a national rcput.ilion iu tin ir lie shoes dp* the handsome-1 pair e\er »>rnunh‘ Americus, nml retail at fl” I" - |«'r. They t •K?|st«n at the Diy Good-* ami m re o< .»< H Hhaw, whoU dole A ;eut for .Ihe-c go al. 1000—TWO IIOXKH-HNJO DUKE OF DllUIAM < 1GAUKTTKS !.! Manufaetiireil by W. Di-' e, .'*•■11* A Co., Durham, mb C.trtdlna, who have midv th * irano know n roughout lh« world .-•* t* e U-t, iidtig ihhiU obi old Nutth Cjr«»lin • lenf, the linesi In :h« >r!*I. The vulneoftt.se l-»t.*l- flO.OO. in .tier that as mnr.ynt f< -*tl»a- may enhi/ them, they will l»e dUtrtbut. .1 u ; »■ l:<u« s ..f |W . acb. HANDSOME erSETH THOMAS CLOCK ^2 Fun.Ubed by MeRridsC..„ of Atl-nta. tsr ONE BOX—HVK FOUNDS ^2 MAY LEE"SMOKING TOBACCO! Manufactured by W. I)i ke, Hoi.s A Co, Durham, N. C„ from old North Carolina leaf, t'-e flne/t ♦mokinir fear in the v crid. The fox Is tolly worth five dollar*, and wl’l b-.- a- prjdated bv a lover of pure weed. 1c order that i»rt may cu* tbit fiat tobacco, It v.Ul be. diatri buUd Ol kag«a of upouadesrt. 0 —MONARCH 0 23T BOUND BOSOM SHIRTS!! *® the very best made, both in material, rut and workmanship. They are handsome, durable and never fall to give satisfaction. Tiny can be seen nt the atoro of John K. Shaw, on Forsy th street, who Is agent for their sale. Go and tee them. ONE BOX-FIVE POUNDS “CROSS-CUT” SMOKING TOBACCO ! Manufactured by W. Duke, Sons A Co., Dur ham, N. C.,lrom old North Carolina leaf, and put up in handsome foil packages. As we would like as many as possible to try It, we shall dis'rlbute it In pnekagos of ono pound each. FIFTEEN BOXES- TWENTY BARS EACH- LIGIITNING SOAP!!! Manufactured; by W. C.” Neff A Co.,*?Atlanta. This Is a new soap, one of the moat wonderful dti coyerles of the nge. By a new process this soap is made to that It will wash clothing almost with out the use of the wash board, nt the same time clennng without in tho least injuring tho fsbric. It is tho finest laundry soap ever made, and In or- der to give as many as possible an opportunity b»rs each *' * " ' “* distributed influxes *>f.20 100- B-O-O-K-S J-100 BY 8TANDARD AUTHORS !! BOUND IN CLOTH AND GOLD !! • ditiou to any llbraty. t»- .S-I-L-V-E-U W-A-T-C-H ! TfJ ■ one he cun rely up.m. HTSILVER HUTTBK DISH ! with Com, . !l,ml#Gin, Article. SILVEH PLATED TABLE .SPOONS, HILVEH PLATED TEA SPOONS, SILVEH PLATED FOURS. CHAMBEB SETT—FOUH PIECES, CHINA FBUIT DISH, SILK IIANKEKCIIIEFS,: BRONZE LAMP, HANDSAW. JEWELRY, | BUGGY WHIP, Ami a Number of Giber Articles. MANNER OF DISTRIBUTION : The Distribution will be mode in the following manner: The name and; po.-tjofflee of each sub scriber will be written on a slip of paper and put ill an envelope, and all placed In a box. Tho name of each of the prcsciiia to be drawn will also be placed In envelopes and put in another box. On tho day of ibe distribution ilu-sc boxes will be turned over to a committee of responsible It'nt'vmeu, who, before the drawing begins, will call upon some of the audience to mix the con tents of the bazoo £to ^thelr satisfaction. After this, two hoys, one atoneb, will take envelopes slriiiiltai:e*iaalv from the boxes ai d hand thorn to the committee, who will first read the name and then the present. The secretaries will keep correct li-t of the mimes of the subscribers and the artich a drawn as they are called out. This will continue until every article has been drawn rto.ii the box of presents, when the committee will declare the distribution completed. In the I ox of nreaents there will be no lumi, hence every name drawn* from the box of names before the presents are exhausted »ilgget|one of these articles, most of which ore worth many times the .'.mount paid lor snbacriptioo. Itemittaaccs m.vv be n.adi by port offleo order or registered letter. Clubs.-We will glee a copy of the paper free to any one getting up a club of ten subscribers either new or old cu m renewing. Cask io, accompany names in all cases. Any one can act as agent for the RECORDER, but we will not be responsible until we rexlvo tbe money for subscription. Ws ga inn tee to famish a paper worth at least tbe price s»ked for It— besides giving on op portunity to get ono of the above^bandsoroe presents. Remember that you cannot poealbly lores* 99 in a better way lha* ;by MtUcriUag for ike RE- GOBDtlt.lAddress, W* I- ULBflfRER, ^CAPITAL PRIZE! 979,000, Ticket* only 99. Shares Its proportion Louisiana State Lottery Co. Semi-Annual Drawings of The Slate Lottery Uompaiiu, and in person man age and control the Drawings themselves, and that the same are conducted with hon esty, fairness, and in good faith toward all parties, and we authorise the Company to use this certificate, with facsimiles of our signatures attached, in its advertisements.’' Commissioners. Incorporated in 1868 for 25 years by tho Legisla ture for Educational and Charitable purposes— with a capital or 11,000,ikio—to which a resorvs fiind of over t&50,000 has since boon added. By an overwhelming popular vote its franchise was made a part of the present State Constitution adopted December 3d, A. P„ 1879. The on/g Lottery ever irted on and tndarted Lm the people of arty State. It neeer tcalei or pottponts. Its Grand Single Number Drawings ln t . CAPITAL PRIZE, $79,000. 100,000 Tickets at Fire Dollars Each. Fractions, lit Fifths, In Proportion, list or riiizi: .': 1 CAPITAL PRIZE ,74,000 1 ‘lo do s&ooo 1 do do 10.000 2 PRIZES OF $6.000 12,000 6 do 2,000, 10,000 10 do 1,000, 10,000 80 do 600, 10,000 100 do 200 80,000 800 do 100, 80,000 COO do 50 36,000 1000 do 26, 25,000 9 Approximation Prlzos of $750 16,750 9 “ “ 500 4,500 9 “ “ m 2.250 1,967 Prizes, amounting to 9265,500 Application for rates to clubs should ho made only to the offleo of the Company in Mew Orleans. For further Information writ® clenily, giving fhll address. PORTAL NOTKM, Express Money Orders, or New York Exchange in onll* miry letter. Currency by Express (all sums of 99 and upward by Expri’M* nt our exiicr.se) ad dressed fit. A. DAUPHIN, Near Orleans, La, or M. A. DAUPHIN, 007 Sewautk *** - Make P. O. Uoiic Registered Letters NEW ORLEANS NATIONAL BANK New Orleans, La. Meat Market PROVISION STORE. W.H.&T.M.C0BB Having purchased (Yom Hare A Cobb the Mrs Market and Provision bto.c on COTTON AVBNUKI keep on baud the very best cids of J BEEF, FORK, KID AND SAUSAGE, aud also u full line of Ureen Groceries aiijl Provisions, mbroclng all kind* of Vegetable* and Fruit# In their season. Conned Goods, etc. it is their aim to keep a first class establishment, noil give their customers good goods at the iowent prices. PflllKhest price mild for Cuttle, Hogs, and u kinds of cuantry prodace, Americas, Dec. 15,1882.tf Cheap, Cheaper, Cheapest I “A STITCH IH TIME SAVES NINE! ” Ho U your OLD IIAItNKri* rw.Js a Hitch goto John M. Coker and buy you a NEW HK1T lor what tho rep wring will coal, then )S'l have a new harnesa an I all is well. A Latge and New tupply of; 8AIIDLEIIY AND HARNESS ! I of nil grades and kii.dt, ju«t in and for sale Cheaper than Ever Before Offered In thiaciy. FINE GOODS AND PIECE HARNESS A SPECIALTY I FULL AND COMPLETE. JOHN M. COKER, DURHAM’S IMPROVED MAMAlil) TIME! Is !be;b«*t citodructed and fin* itbrd, gives hell* r percent**#, more power, end t» sold tor lass f money, per how power, than - any ©th r Turbine iu the world, ^ or Hew pamphlet sent free, by BUOI., New York. DURHAM WANTED. K sit nation by a yonng man who on ■write » Rood bend. I, quick a*, flgnree. ui will work few a ooder.le ■nijrr. Mdreee, ACTIVE, /uuc/mi- CenofEicoutS. Short orops, no rain, too warm for this season of the year, lota of dust, money scarce, cotton too low and dull times are the answers now given by all the merchants, when the “How do you do f” Is given them, but how different with the Bargain Store men. Here goods arrive and disappear rapidly. On tbe first of September last this new store was opened with one of the largest rtocksof Dry Uoods, Clothing, Cloaks, Hals, Shoes and Millinery ever brought to Ameri cas. Kvery day since then, new and fresh goods bought by their New York buyer arrived, and now he finds himself compelled to go to Now York to make his second com plete purchase in all lines. Never has anything happened to equal it in the history of the Americus dry goods trade. The only and best reason that can be assigned to this extraordl* nary success, may bo summed up in tbe pluck and enterprise used by the proprietor, and the fact that the purchaser is not slow to find out that mitt is tbe place to trade. While other merchants have held their goods at regular prices and profits, lie saw fit to reduce bis onliro stock to such prices and profits that would meet the approv. nl of everybody and everybody’s pocket, and succeeded with flatter, ing success. But we are not near at the end yet. Money is getting scarcer daily. Still harder times are coming, and what will be tbe final result is liettcr imagined tban told. The liarga'n Store man’s pro gramme will be a regular marcb. He proposes to march down with the prices of all bis goods yet in stock, in order to march to New York with the proceeds to buy goods lower than they were bought before. In order lo raise as much money ns possible, tho Bargain Store ofiefs before his leaving during this week extraordinary inducements to everybody, including country mer chants. Goods will bo sold regard less of o»st, price or profit. Respectfully, S. M. COHEN, Tho Bargain Man. Cotton Avenue. Sign of red dag, opposite Bank of Americus. 260tli EDITION. PRICE ONLY $1. VM .HYSELF.j A Great Medical Work on Manhood. Kxlisusted Vitality, Nervous and Physical liillly Premature DetHno In man. JCrrota of Youth, and tho untold miseries resulting from In* discretion or excesses. A book lor a very man young, middle a?o nnd old. It contains 125 pre- rlptious for all acute and chronic disrates, each ‘of which I# Invaluable. Uo found tv tho l_ thor, whose raneriefire *or 98 years la snob a* probably never before tell tu the lot of any physi cian. aoo pages bound in brautHnl French muslin, cmlxisBod covers, lull gilt, gnuiniitccd to be a fiu«r work In every nenscv-mecbanical, literary and professional—Inuti at»y oilier work sold In thla ■ountry (or #2.50, nr the money will be refunded n every instance. Price only $1 by mail, poet paid. Illustrative sample • cent*, gtftd now. Gold medal awarded ihu author by the Rational Medical Association, to tho officers of Vhich he refers. This t*ook should be read bv tbe young for ln- tructimi, and by the afflicted for relist It will iieocfit all.—London lamest, Thera is no ii'einher of socioiy to whom tbl book will not bo neefiil, whether youth, parent g :iar<lbn, instructor or clergyman.—A rgonauL Address the I’caltody Medical Institute, or Dr. W. If. Parker, No. 4 Bulflnob Street, PUoaton, Ma»a. t who may be consulted on all disetaea re quiring skdl and experience. Chronic and obetl- *!e diseases ib*t have bufiled llieli ra I skill f all other physicians a sped al ELM Ualty. inch treated successfully wltbTLI VC Cl C iut un Instaucc of lailure. I n YOUL.r march*,w4w TYOXIIT 7° 11 w,ul * i 20 Sfi-8hot Rcpeatin UUJN 1 BiileforllS,* $80 Breech leading hot (inn for 916, * $13 Concert Onranctte for 17,* i-J0 Ma ic Lantern for $lt, a Folld Gold $25 Vstch lor 916, a 015 Milver Watch for §8. Ton an get any ol thu'cVAn* 1 ** 61 '* 7r«l If TOU will devote a few X UU boars of your Msare time evenings to intredueiag our new goeda. One lady secured a Gold Watch free, In a aTnalefalter* noon. A grntlemaa got a nilver watch for fifteen minutes' work. A boy II year* t-M recured f watch tn ohf day; hundred# ol othersV have douc tn-srly *t welL If yon V ;!• Laatsra _ II pay you from 1 every night. H«o«l ar once for our I Unitrated •- oguu of Gold ami Silver Watches, Self Cock- Dull lN>g Revolvers, Spy Glasses, Indian t and Astronomical Telescopes, Telegraph Instruments, Tyi e Writers, Organs, AeenfiTloes, Violins, Ste., See. It may start yon en th* read to wealth. WORLD MANUFACTURING CO., 199 Naaaau 9treet, Maw York, oct4c«daw4w i can atart a Cotton Seed Heal. We are prepared to supply tboae wad ing Cotton Seed Meal io any quantities At lowest cosh pricez. Tooi.k, McGarrah & Toxdrc. oct30dla*-ufit.