Newspaper Page Text
@te lichens Counln jncrato.
W. B. XDTCBY, Editor.
VOL. II.
Melbourne, the Capital of Victoria,
Australia,claims u population of 400,001),
one-seventh of all the people iu Aus'
tralia.
New Y'ork city will spend $350,000 this
year in improving the buildings occupied
by her charity charges and providing
them with more wholesome diet.
Twenty of the leading restaurants and
cafes in Paris are being united into a
company. Its capital will be $1,500,000
in $100 shares, 13,500 of which arc to bo
offered to the public at par.
Every minute six hundred pounds ol
wool grows in this country, and we have
to dig sixty-one tons of anthracite coal
and one hundred tons of bituminous
coal, while of pig-iron we turn out
twelve tons, and of steel rails three tons.
A converted Hindoo is reported to
have said at a public meeting in India:
“The very lowest caste in ludia is the
cobblers’ caste, and it is remarkable that
a cobbler from England, William Carey,
should bring them the first tidings of the
Gospel.”_
The British Consul at Bilboa reports
that Spam is making steady and remark¬
able progress in commercial prosperity.
Large shipments of minerals are made,
and extensive iron manufactories have
have been established. Railways arc
multiplying and industries in general
are on the increase.
The death rate of the Georgia Peniten¬
tiary, as shown by the report of the
principal keeper, is 174 to the thousand
as an average for the last two years, is
less than the average death rate of
American cities; and the past year’s
record of 11.6 per thousand is less than
the mortality in the most favored cities.
We have the greatest number of miles
of railroad track of any railroad country
in the world, proudly declares the
Scientific American, but the Argentine
Republic can beat us and every one else
for taking theirs straight. On the road
from Buenos Ayres to the foot of the
Andes is a stretch of 311 miles without a
“Curve.
The greatest national debt among the
nations of the globe is borne by France.
Jt is about $0,250,000,000. Russia
comes next, $3,000,000,000; then Eng¬
land, with $8,500,000,000; Austro-
jhungary, with $2,485,000,000; Italy,
with $2,225,000,000; Spain, with $1,-
207,500,000; and Prussia, with $1,000,-
000 , 000 .
Forty-six of the prisoners in America!
penitentiaries last year were over eighty,
and 283 over seventy, and the New Y'ork
Observer recommends as an act of justice
and humanity the establishment in our
criminal codes of a definite age, on arriv¬
ing at which every prisoner should be
(allowed to go free, regardless of the
nature of his crime or the length of the
■sentence pronounced against him.
Father Schlever, parish priest of Con¬
stance, Switzerland, and inventor ol
Volapuk, is dead, but his verbal or rather
ilingual invention is so very much alive
that the whole commercial correspond-
•ence of many large French, German,
Italian and Spanish houses is even now
•carried on in it, and the number of its
students in the United States is put
•down by the New Y’ork Commercial Ad¬
vertiser at 100,000.
“The Austrian manoeuvres at Bellovar,
which the Prince of AVales attended,
■were perfectly farcical," says London
Truth. “The squadrons of cavalry were
certainly a grand sight, but they charged
with batteries of artillery before them
:and on e ich side of them, so that in real
war every man and horse would have
tbeen destroyed, and the guns kept blaz¬
ing away, so that the effect to practical
men was highly absurd.”
There ought to be a law, asserts the
Detroit Free Press, prohibiting the shoot¬
ing of alligators. If such a law is not
soon passed the chances are that the
saurian of the South will become a»
scarce as the buffalo of the West.
“There is very little skill in alligator
shooting aud no danger,” says Harper's.
That is true enough, and it only serves
to show the cowardice of t’ve “sport.”
Up the St. .John’s River, in Florida, it is
now a rare thing to see an alligator
where formerly they were plentiful. A
fellow in Palatka last winter shot a big
harmless ’gator from the wharf at that
city. The body floated to the shore and
lay there. The authorities promptly
pounced upon the idiotic shooter, and,
although they could not fine him for
what he had done, they had the body
towed down the river and made tho
Shooter pay $10 for the job.
JASPER, GEORGIA, THURSDAY. MARCH 28, 188!).
In darkness.
I will be still;
The terror drawing nigh
Shall startle from my lips no coward cry;
Nay, though tho night my deadliest dread
fulfil, I will be still.
For oh! I know,
Though suffering hours delay,
Yet to Eternity they pass away.
Carrying something onward as they Cot*
Outlasting woe!
Yes, something won;
Tlie harvest of our tears—
Something unfading, plucked from fading
years;
Something to blossom on beyond the sun,
From sorrow won.
The agony,
So hopeless now of balm,
Shall sleep at last, in light as pure and calm
As that wherewith the stars look down on
thee, Gethsemane.
—Florence Coates, in Harper.
WHERE GLENNIE WAS
J1Y JOHN HAHBERTON.
’Twas down in Louisiana, not many
years ago,” to quote from an old song,
that several companies of us wicked
Yankees were posted in a small town
just far enough from New Orleans aud
other important points to be of no strate¬
gic consequence for its own sake; yet,
being on a direct route from the enemy’s
lines to the Mississippi The River, was im¬ al¬
portant as an outpost. war vigilant was
most over, so we were not as as
we might have been had we been sta¬
tioned in front of Lee’s army. The
natives were loyally Southern, every
rpan of them—perhaps I should say every
woman, for the only men in town were a
few who had passed their three-score
years and ten, the one natives physician, did aud ailow one
preacher. feel But uncomfortable. The not doctor
us to
disagreed radically with us on principle, friendly
but he took professional and even
interest in such of us as had more malaria
than our regimental surgeon could man¬
age ; the preacher ga\ e us a sermon that
reminded us of Suuuaysat home, and the
old men would smoke and chat with us
all day long, so long as we did not say
what we believed about the future of
military events. women—bless them! they
As for the
were exactly like the majority of women
everywhere else—very tenacious of their
opinions so far as the war was concerned,
tout otherwise hospitable, gracious, and
charming. They didn't mean to give us
the entree of local society, but somehow
we got there just the same. We did it
so quietly that none of them knew how
it began or who began it, aud I don't be-
lieve that after the first twenty-four
hours any of them took pains to inquire.
We nllowed no marauding, enough supplies wore clean
clothing, purchased and to
set business booming, were on our
good behavior in every way.
The consequence was that we officers
soon knew everybody worth knowing,
and were entertained with as much
courtesy and self-possession burned as if the
native coffee had not been rye or
other substitute, and the table-cloths
had not long before been turned into lint
or bandages for Southern hospitals. Wo
found inoffensive ways of introducing
real Java, white sugar, Oolong tea, and
other din ng-room and specialties unloaded dear to the
feminine heart, we count-
less novels and newspapers in eager
hands. More important than all else, I
believe, we could talk. So could they
but for some reason women stalk with
women did not seem to have been eu-
tirely satisfying. We talked so Indus-
triously, and to such good e.ect that
any chance visitor who might have
dropped into town in the middle of our
first week would have bought from ap-
pearaace tfiat we were lifelong acquaint-
an ® e8-
Every regiment . had , , some officer.
generally a young lieutenant, yvliose
ability, appearance and spirits compelled
his comrades to pronounce h'in the
flower of the flock. Ours was Will
Glennie, 'i he natives approved aud our
choice of their own accord, we ac¬
cepted their dictum without a bit of
jealousy, fearing only that the youngster
Plight pause some fru.tiess heartaches.
But be didfl’b He was officer of the
first picket ling we threw out. and so
impressed was he wish tb« defensive
possibilities of the place, that wp were
glad to have him relieve us of gome re¬
sponsibility, by taking charge of the
slight earthworks it seemed advisable to
erect. He spent a full half of additional every day
outside the lines, looking for
points of vantage, and as no enemy had
been in the vicinity fur weeks, he never
C#red for a guard. del'ghtfully for fort¬
Timp passed so a
night, thftt there was little but roll-calls
and picket duty to remind us that we
were soldier*. Everything was too pleas¬
ant to last, so one’day » raftl.e pf trouble mus¬
ketry warned us that there was
on the picket line. By the time our
bugles had recalled us from our hospita¬
ble lounging places, and hurried us
toward the front,a soldier with a broken
arm came in and leported that some cav¬
alry had tried to force their way into
.town by the western road, and, being
repulsed, had dismounted, and were dis¬
agreeing, in the usual military manner,
with the pickets, who had fallen back to
Glennie’s breastworks.
“Bless Glennie for the breastworks!”
exclaimed our Major in command, after
he had pji<?uted “Double - quick-
march !"
The resistance made by entire
force seemed to disgust the enemy, for
in a couple of hours showed they ceased that tiring- of
A special roll-call none
our men had been killed, and only two
or three wounded, but said a Captain Lieu¬ ap¬
proached the Major and that
tenant Glennie was missing. He had
gone nearly a mile to the front, to a little
elevation, where he had thought a how-
“WE SEEK THE REWARD OF HONE8T LABOR."
it/or might advantageously bo the posted—
gone two or three hours beforo enemy
appeared. then, of course,” groaned
“Captured, “Confound it, gentlemen,
the Major. I’d rather have
for the good ot the set vice
been captured of felt myself.” tho and wo
Most us same way, the
were too dismal for the remainder of
day to rejoice at having repulsed the
enemy. The entire force went out as
skirmishers for a mile cr two, asking
questions at every plantation house and
cabin, but no ouc could tell whether or
no the enemy, as they galloped away,
had a Union oflicer with them.
We felt so ugly at our loss that we
feared to face the natives when we rc-
turned to town. What would they think
of us, as soldiers, when they learned
that the o dicer whom we all cheerfully
acknowledged was the ablest soldier
among us, had fallen into the
hands. The Ma or was so amazed
he actually bit off the mouthpiece of his
pipestem in a tit of anger; but this sc-
vere action did not return to us the
flower cf the regiment. the road
Just before sunset a sentry on behind the
startled all of us. as we lay
w a rlcs, by snouting: guard! Flag of truce
■ ‘Officer of the
coming!” the parapet, and
We all sprang upon half
saw emerging from the forest, nearly
a mile away, a horse, a rider, and a tiny
white rag. The Major raised his glasses.
peered through them a moment, dropped
them, and exclaimed:
“That flag is carried by a woman?”
Then all of us wished wo had glasses.
The rider advanced slowly, until we
could see that she was not armed; then
that she had n fine figure, and finally
that she was young and pretty. her property,
“Wants protection for
I suppose,” growled the Major. “Those
raiders are probably cleaning out the
family’s barn and smokehouse, there
being nobody at home but women and
children. What do they suppose a few
infantry era do against nobody knows
how many cavalry ?*’
Nevertheless he went slowly out,
alone, to meet her, at which Glennie’s
Captain exclaimed :
“This isn’t according to custom. Who
knows but she’s a young man, disguised, pistol?
and will drop the Major with a
Come on, boys.” followed him. As
Several of us we
saw him twirling the ends of his mus¬
tache and tipping his hat slightly to these one
side, we followed his example the in
respects also. We overtook ma or
just as the rider halted, looked very
pale, and said :
“It wasn't his fault, sir—really it
wasn’t.”
“Whose fault, madam?” said the
ma or, raising Jiis hat.
.. , lr _ Glennie’s,” said the girl,
“Oh! Confound it I I mean—so
thev got him, dd they?”
, .Toh, no, sir, but he wishes they had-
An d they would have done, only—
only-” madam?”
“Well,
“Only they were prevented.” that?”
“Indeed? How was
“Why, you see, sir, he stopped at and our
house, gist fora drink of water,
while he was standing by tho well, the
R an “dangers?" rrers—”
“Yes,°sir; the Texas cavalrv—thev then. He
camc acroS3 the hill just
started to rim ih s way, but—but—”
“Well:"
The girl looked down a moment, col-
01 . edt raised her head, and then said
rapidly ■
„ j toW him he would nevG[ . get there
j said thev ' WC re a hundred to
’ and htfd 8ur lv b e killed. I’m a
s- outhern WO man, sir; my father is
P of the art Ilery bat-
tal but 1 don’t believe murder is war.
made hiin c , me int0 the house. lie
declarud he wouldB *t; death was noth-
. i ?.j d t , But l made him come in.”
nd( . ed ? What argU ments did you
use, ’gahi mav I ask?”
A n tho girl ° looked down and col-
j pj-ed deeply, borne of the young o fleers
began to exchange, winks.
“He declared ho wouldn t, * tno girl
resumed, “but I made him. Jie strug-
gled with all his might, but——”
“I beg your pardon for interrupting,” ,i
said the .Major, b.ting his lip, “but—he
escaped, then?'*
“Yes. sir, but not a second too soon.
I hadn't more than got him iuto the
hogshead--” “Hogshead:”
•“YPG sir, big _ hogshead, in _
a sugar
the cellar, that we had meant to keep
sweet potatoes in-when two of the
hangers came in the f ont door I hey
said they’d seen a Y ankee at the wed,
and wanted him. I told them he had
seen them, and made a dash for h s own
lines. He ready did, you know, fora
step or two, when—when--”
“When you warned him of his dan-
ger.” “Yes, sir. Well, they took word,
my
when I told them who my father was,
and they went Where away. the ’ now:”
Ah! are Rangers
where—hours “Ihey went ago,” back—{ don t know
“And caught him they as couldn’t. they went?” he
“Uh, no, sir: But
was in a dreadful excitement. He said
he had no right to be outside the lines;
he could be court-martialed for it, and
disgraced, and maybe shot, if things
went wrong in the fight. He went on so
that I wouldn’t listen to him, and I was
afraid some of the Rangers might come
back aud hear him, so I wouldn’t stay
and listen to him.”
“But why didn’t he return after they
retired?”
“Because he couldn’t, sir. I wouldn’t
let him. I didn’t want him to be court-
rpartialed and shot, and all of those
dreadful things, so I thought tell it would
be only right to come and you it
wasn’t his fault.”
“The enemy has been gone for several
hours,” said the Major, turning afraid with there’s a
suspicious look to us. “I’m
j some again ruse the in (his.” girl and Then stonily he turned said:
I to
■ “Young woman, if your story is true, lie
j should he have has returned nothing by fear, this time, and there lie
to
is nothing to prevent him coining disap- back,
if he knows tho enemy have
poured." “Oh, tl)ore is, sir; there’s
yes, a cover
to tho hsgshend and a'padlock beside."
‘‘Oh—h h! said tho Major, with
many is he? inflections. Hut, heavens, “He’s madamc, your prisoner, if he has
; been locked in a hogshead nil this time,
| he’s probable suffocated. Confound--”
j ing “Oh, smile. no,” “There's said the a girl big with bung-hole an nssur- to
the hogshead, and I know he has sense
; enough to breathe through it, because
j ! when I went down and whispered had
through it that the Hangers gone
j home . he
again, did he soy?"
“What
“Nothing -he but I know Ho was
| alive and just like his old self. ” 1 lien
| the girl suddenly dropped her eyes again
i and colored deeply, while a very young
j lieutenant murmured:
j “I “l m see,” I” drawled the Major,
very
slowly. “Atten-fwa/ First Company,
deploy as skirmishers. Forward!”
The girl turned her Horse’s head
quickly, looked backward, set her lips
j firmly, “You’re and exclaimed: not going to court-martial
; and shoot him:”
“Suppose I were/" said the Ma jor, ns
j the men began to tile from behind the
I “curtain” that commanded the road.
L “Then,” said the girl, “I’ll gallop
j ahead, at the risk of my life, aucl let
j him escape on my pony.” lifting his
“Madam,” said the Major,
hat, “I give you the word of a soldier
| and a gentleman that you shall be his
sole judge.” skirmish line advanced, and the
The
officers of the other companies followed
| the girl and the major, The latter
should have ordered us to remain wiUi
our o\yn men, but he didn’t, We
i reached the house, more than a milcout-
side the lines, without anno unce, aud
j when tJm girl had lighted a candle, we
followed her and the ma or to the cellar.
The mu or’s suggestion that the girl
should first whisper at tho bung-hole and
see if the captive was still al ve, was not
acted upon. Instead, she said cheerily,
as she turned the key and raised the
cover:
“You’ve nothing to fear, Will.”
j “ ‘Will.’ ” murmured the very young
lieutenant.
Just then Glennie’s face appeared seemed above
the edge of the staves, and some-
what disconcerted at the grinning faces
before him. Several pa rs of hands helped with
him out, and as he stood before us,
crystals of light brown sugar glistening
Vail over his unifornj cqat, tfie major re-
^marked: “You’re sweet looking object!"
a
j Mis* Groysom smiled 4* if she thought
too.
“You see, Ma’or—”began Glennie,
. “Yes,” said the Major, “I certainly do.
j | 1 see, also, that one of two things sorvice. must
be done, for tho good of the
Either our lines must be extonded a mile
or two farther into the country, or you
must persuade this lady’s family to move
to town.”
The family moved, Mias Graysom
finally moving all the way to New Y’ork.
The wedding present from the bride-
groom's brother o.fleers was a miniature
sugar hogshead, in gold, with a rosebud
for a padlock, — Once-A- IF eh.
WISE WORDS.
Hot sup, hot swallow.
Eaten bread is forgotten.
Never omit to perform a kind act.
Light suppers make long life Jays.
He sups ill who eats up all at dinner
Many a drop of broth is made in a pot.
Contention finds no chair at a well-
spread table.
Learn to say kind and pleasant things
whenever opportunity oilers,
xw r forgpt tfiqt vulgarity has its
ori'dn ^ in ignorance or selfishness,
A merchant should familiarize himself
with every line of goods he handles.
Never speak or act in anger until you
have prayed over your words or acts.
Remember that, valuable as is the gift
of speech, silence is often more valua-
ble.
We should not imagine that all qrq
f r jpnds that flatter, of enemies that cea-
'
SH10 ’
x ovcr rctort ft gharp or ailgry word,
j 1 t j t]l s(J cond word that makes the
.
T uarru ‘
hear of their , but
Men love to power,
have an extreme disrelish to bo told ot
their duty.
It is good for a man to love his ene-
mies, if he can do fso without injuring
his friends,
Never urge another to do anything
against “ his desire uniess you see danger
b fore him .
The safety of the spire is not in the
thinuess of tho top, but in tho solidity of
the bottom.
He who is unwilling to submit to un»
deserved blame should remember to re-
fuse undeserved praise,
Stearin? Balloons..
It is said the much desired nictuoa of
steering balloons has been discovered bai- by
Commander Kenard, of France. A
loon is in course of construction at Men*
don which will prove file reality of this
discovery. JThis balloon will be fur-
nished with a new motor 500 kilo*
grammes in weight, anticipated, of fifty horse capable power,
which, it is will hundred be kilo-
of producing a speed of a hour.
metres—upward balloon will of thus sixty be miles—an navigable in
The
j any direction and in any weather, erf-
j cept- when it is actually blowing a gale.
$1-00 Per Annum, In Advance-
HOUSEHOLD AFFAIRS.
How to Caro l’or Ivory Trinkets.
Ivory ornaments, unless carefully cared
for, become yellow. They are trouble very
ensily cleaned and with a little
will look fresh and retain their luster for
a long time. The simplest way to clean
them is to brush them with a new tooth
brush, but very sharp, to which a littlo
soap is applied. Then rinse the orna¬
ment in lukewarm water. Next dry it
mid brush until tho luster reappears. A
little alcohol poured upon the brush will
increase this luster. If the trinket lias
become very yellow dry it in a gentle
heat. The yellow will soon disappear
and the ornament look as good as new.
—Mail and Express.
Safety in Coal Oil.
The number of accidents from coal-oil
lamps is as large as ever, and it is safe to
say that in nearly every case a human
being, who ought to of know ignorance better, con-
tr.butos the share or care¬
lessness which makes the accident possi¬
ble. The blaze of burning coal-oil cuts
nto the human flesh like a knife. Na-
;ure at once tries to repair tho damage
ay throwing off the injured flesh, but
Medical science knows of no way to pre¬
vent the contraction which ensues on tho
mining together of the of healthy injurod tissue
liter the sloughing off tho
portions. people to know what
Few seem on a
little thing the safety of a coal-oil lamp
depends. metal of the J'he oil lighted reservoir wick become causes quite tho
to
hot, hot enough to heat the oil and
generate gas. If the gas cannot escape,
tho lamp will explode. To provide for
its escape the lamp makers put a little
metal chimney by the side of the wick
holder, which permits a free passage for
the gas from the oil reservoir to the outer
jir. The housekeeper’s part consists in
keeping the little chimney open. It is
almost an invisible chimney, only to bo
seen by holding the burner to tho light.
Never buy a coal oil lamp without seeing
that this chimney is prosont in the burner.
*-American Cultivator.
A Novel Dictionary.
IIow many of you have a dictionary
lhat ha- 1 attended over 100 weddings, to
say notiiing of parties, tens, etc.? Not
very many, I’ll venture to say, but let
me tell you about this noted dictionary.
Thirty years ago, when mother was
first married, she began to collect recipes
for a cook book. For lack of anything
smaller she took an old unabridged dic¬
tionary of the largest size, cut out every
other leaf, indexed it, and begau to
paste iu the cooking recipes she cut
from the papers. For instance, there
der was this a chapter heading devo.fecj to list puddings; of different un ¬
was a
kinds of pudding* and the page* where
they were to he found. Cakes formed
another chapter, meats another and so
on through tho list. the
Every week, as soon as papers had
been read, mother would collect them,
take the dictionary, scissors and paste
pot, and carefully paste each rocipe in
its As proper time place. wont by tho hook steadily
filled, so when anyone wanted a recipe
for any particular dish, the dictionary
was sure to contain it. For example un¬
der the heading of tapioca pudding there
were forty-seven recipes to be found,
and ninety-seven for making tomato
catsup.
But among so many, how could wc
find whut we wanted: you ask. Iu this
way: When we had carefully tested a
recipe and found it satisfactory we
marked it by a star, thus *. If extra
good it was marked by two stars, and if
unsurpassed three stars distinguished it.
But if, on Ihe contrary, it was not sat¬
isfactory it was crossed off by a single
line; two lines meant very bad, and three
lines signified glancing “positively uneatable.”
So by simply over the page
can tell at once just what we wa,nt,
There is one objection to, q pouk book
of this sort; it is so psebfl tliat everybody
wants to borrow it, and so it is seldom at
home, Just make one and see if you
don't call it a “grand good thing.”—
l) troit Free Press.
Recipes.
Fried Mush: Boil corn meal in watci
until well cooked; pour into a buttered
dish and let stand over nigbfc; in tho
morning remove from t^e dish whole,
cut in slices and fry brown in butter.
To Cora Boof: Make a brine of a
quart of coarse salt to three gallons of
water; to this add a half pint of molasses
and let stand a day before putting the
beef in. Meat thus corned will be fit to
eat in a week’s time.
Fried Chicken: Rut in a frying pan a
tablespoonful each of iard and butter;
when hot lay in the chicken cut open on
the back; sprinkle with (lour, salt and
pepper ; when a light brown turn it over
and spriukle again; cook slowly until
done.
Minced Dried Beef With Eggs: Shave
the beef and stand in water over
night to frexhon; put two tablespoon¬
fuls of butter into a frying pan and put
in a pint of the beef; when warmed
through add four beaten eggs; stir until
cooked.
Broiled Codfish: Pick the codfish in
small pieces, soak in cold water over
night; boil till tender in sufficient water
to cover; pour off the water and add
milk: season with pepper and butter and
thicken with flour" stirred smooth in a
little cold water.
Welsh Rarebit: Cut thin slices of
bread, remove the crust, and toast
quickly; butter it, and cover with thin
slices of new cheese, spread and oyer a very
little made mustard, put on a plate
in a hot oven till the cheese is melted,
then cut in square pieces and serve at
once on a hot p ate; the mustard can
be omitted if desired. Another way is
to dip the toast quickly, after buttering,
into boiling water; have some cheese
ready melted in a cup and pour some
over each slice.
NO. 23.
THE BATTLE-BEES.
A VETERAN TELLS OK THEIR SWARMING.
Were you there when the columns swirled
about?
Did you bear tho cannons’ rattle?
bid you hear tho regiments’ lusty shout,
And tho hum of the bees ot battle?
Tho bees that hummed in tho air were ot
lead;
How they sang through the leafy bowers!
And the juice of tho (lowers which they drank
was red—
How the battle-bees fed on flowers 1
Tho flowers of homes in the sunny South,
Of homes in the North deserted—
How they bowed their heads in the fiery
drouth,
How the bees among them flirted.
How they swarmed in the ’60’s summer tide,
How they flow through the forest singing,
How they stung as they sang and the flowers
died—
Died suddenly from tho stinging!
Were you there when tho bees came Urrl-
ming through,
Were you tliero when they so beset us,
When the honey they made with so much ado
Was sweeter than that of Ilomettus?
Was it sweet? Ah, it was! So I say again:
Its sweetness was told in story—
It was deadly sweet to tho armies twain—
But the honey was only glory.
—Chicago Tribune.
HUMOR OF THE DA
Not on the maps —Emin Bey.
Acrobats of the table—Tumblers.
A milky way—From farm house to
dairy.
A hard working thing—The stone
crusher.
Tho girl with the sloe black eye sees
quick enough.
The man who is well oil should not
think of coming home sick.
Teaching gce-ology with a gad—
Breaking steers. Haw, haw!
When a schoolboy begins to write his
name lie makes his initial blunder.
Nature made the first pin with a head
to it—The terrapin.— Detroit, Free Press.
YVhy is the North Pole like an illicit
whisky manufactory? It is a secret still.
YYhat is it that will give a cold, cure
a cold, and pay the doctor’s bill? A
draught.
Most of the people who come to want,
by the way, do not want to come.— Som¬
erville Journal.
Will Knott is a Washington gentle
man, who, when he is in a hurry, signs
his name “Won’t.”
Why may carpenters reasonably be¬
lieve there is no such thing as stone? Be¬
cause they never saw it.
YVife—“You never call me an angel,
now, John.” Husband—“I am willing'
to call you one, my dear. ”
A now brand of baking powder is
called “Old Hutch.” It makes flour rise
so quickly .—Norristown Herald.
Why is a city official like a church;
bell? One steals from tho people and
the other peals from the steeple.
What is the difference between a dog’s
tail and a rich man? One keeps a wag¬
ing and the other keeps a carriage.
Christmas is called the time of good
cheer, which may account for Christmas
being a liollerday.— Harper's Bazar.
Why was Gol ah surprised when lie'
was struck by a stone? Because such a
thing never entered his head before.
If a church be oa lire, why has the
organ the smallest chance of escape?
Because the engine cannot play on it.
W« askod a toper t’other day,
Anil asked it without guilo,
“If asked to drink what would you say?”'
He answered: “I should smile.”
Why is it dangerous to go out its
spring? Because the trees stioot, the
flowers have pistils and the bulrush is-
out.
It requires it push be running to succeed in busi¬
ness, whether a newspaper,
keeping a country store, or wheeling a.
baby oarriage.
Y east—“I think Bacon is a very gen¬
erous fellow. How does he strike you? ,r
Criin8onbeak—“Oh, he strikes me for a,
V once a week.”
First Sweet Girl—“What? Did that
creature say I looked like a simpleton?”'
Second Sweet Girl—“No, she said you
acted like one.” “Oh!”
It all depends on the way it is said.
It makes a great difference whether you
call a man a “slick citizen” ora “polished
gentleman ."—Terre Haute Express.
Teacher—“Miss Ingenue, will you
please give us an example Ingenue—“A of capillary hand¬
attraction?” Miss
some mustache .”—Shoe and Leather lie”
porter.
Irascible Wife (to husband)—“Y’ouare
no match for me, sir.” Husband
(weakly)—“If I am not, my dear, why
do you always want to scratch me.”—
Mercury.
Joanna, in the kitchen, waxes angry
with the chambermaid, and frigidly re¬
marks: “If there is anything that 1 hate
it is somebody I don’t like I ”—Boston
Commonwealth.
A suburban Boston poet has discovered!
that the order of sequence good in courtship with tho
is first to get on terms
girl; second, with the dog, and third,
with the parents.
All but four of the police of Fernan-
dina, Fla., have had the yellow fever.
In this they show their difference from
the London police, who never catch
anything .—New York World.
What is the difference—now tell us the
truth—
'Tween a present quite fine and a vile rotten
tooth?
I’ll tell you at once, without any fuss making,
One’s a keepsake, and the other keeps Mercury. aching.
—