Newspaper Page Text
@lie Cttwff §eml& *
W. B. METTCEY, Editor.
VOL. 11.
The decline in land values still ooat
tlnues in England.
The latest estimate places the United
States Senate at a valuation of $139,000,.
000 .
More than a million colored children
in tho Southern States never enter a
school-room.
More oranges, lemons, bananas, figs
and raisins arc consumed in the United
States than in any other country in the
world.
The New Orleans Picayune has sug¬
gested the importance of establishing in
that city a technical school for instruc¬
tion in the manufacture of sugar.
The cremationists have lost fifteen per
cent, of their strength in the last year,
and it is believed by the Chicago Herald
that another year or two will finish them.
The New York Herald furnishes the
cheerful information that “the South
never began a year with a brighter out¬
look than she had at the beginning of
1SS9.”
All this talk about a national flower
for this country is superfluous, jocosely
observes the Chicago lYews. Of course
the only flower suitable to be the emblem
of the United States is the daisy.
London is to be fortified by a girdle
of forts on its south side. The defenses
will in many cases take the form of in¬
trenched camps, in which large forces
may be gathered, Does John Bull fear
an invasion?
There has been a bill introduced be¬
fore the Michigan Legislature making
it no longer incumbent upon the woman
to mention her age in the wedding
license. That, explains the gallant New
York Commercial Advertiser, is in defer¬
ence to the blushes of sensitive women
with younger husbands.
A curious novelty wa3 introduced to
help a man find his cab in tho wilderness
of the vehicles during the Harrison and
Morton inaugural ball. A stereopticon
screen was erected on one of the corners
of the Pension Building, and when a
gentleman desired his carriage ho gave
his number to the operator, who flashed
it out where all the backmen could
see it.
An English writer says that we no
longer produce remarkably gifted men
because our average of intellectual
power has vastly increased. Fifty years
ago our statesmen, poets and orators
loomed up among the first of the world.
Where are they now? The intellectual
average has risen to such a height that
the genius of half a century ago would
now seem commonplace.
The well-informed Joe Howard asserts
in the New York Press that “in spite of
its splendor, in spite of its wealth and its
mad round of pleasures, Fifth avenue
does not hold the happiest homes in
the city. Y T ou can see the glare and the
glitter of the false metal all around you;
but if you would find the pure gold of
domestic happiness you must seek it in
more modest sections of New York.”
The enterprising Washington corre¬
spondent of a Western paper recently
telegraphed to his paper an imaginary
interview with Dr. Wharton, the
acknowledged authority on international
law. When he saw the paper the next
morning he was horrified to learn that
Dr. Wharton had died early the previous
evening at the time when he was repre¬
sented as chatting with the corre¬
spondent__
“The original Harrison man” has at last
been found, and he’s a woman. A well-
known Indianapolis woman has pro¬
duced a letter written ten years ago
and addressed to her sop, at that time in
Montana, introducing to him Russell
Harrison, who wa3 then going to the
same Territory. The letter incidentally
remarks that Russell Harrison should be
received well on account of his father as
well as for himself, “for General Harri¬
son is a great man, and is going to be
President some day.”
The present year will witness the ad¬
dition to the United States Navy of at
least five new vessels, the Vesuvius,
Yorktown, Charleston, Petrel and Balti¬
more, with the possibility of the Con¬
cord and Bennington joining the num¬
ber. The Philadelphia and Newark
will also be launched this summer from
Cramps’s yards, so that the coming fall
will see the trial of naval vessels follow¬
ing one upon the other in quick suc¬
cession. The work on the Concord and
Bennington is being pushed steadily
forward, and it is expected that both
(vessels wiiljbe Jaunched before July,
JASPER, GEORGIA, THURSDAY, MAY 2, 1889.
KNOW THYSELF.
Seek ye the battle-ground, where be the £oo-
men found
Worthy thy steel?
No Alexander need sigh for a grander
World to reveal
Oh, there’s a world to win back from the
hosts of sin,
Sorrow, and death:
On with tho warfare, then—close with the
foes of men,
Bating thy breath.
Not with the clash of arras, not with war’s
loud alarms,
Hurl thy defiance;
Not on tho tonguo or pen, not on tbestrongth
of men,
Place thy reliance.
Let but thy guiding star, shining from skies
afar, ,
Illumine the way;
Let but tho inner voice whisper, and make
thy choice
Clearer than day.
Thou art the battlo-ground-tbyself the foe-
*.• man found
Seeking thy life;
There Mia world within—oh, what a world to
X win—
On with the strife!
Then, when the fight is done—then, when the
field is won—
Know’st thou thyself.
Let tho loud paeans roll, on through the glad¬
dened soul,
That, beyond fear or doubt, thrills with the
inward shout,
“VictoryI victory!
Conquest of self!” )
Elliott Coues, in Lippincott .
TWO NARROW ESCAPES.
An English lawyer once said that cir¬
cumstantial evidence would hang tho
King of England. While that was put¬
ting it pretty strong, it is admitted that
a chain of circumstantial evidence has
often sent men to the gallows. If a cir¬
cumstance can be explained away, it is
but a mere shadow. If it cannot be ex-
plamea away, it becomes a menace to
i-u bibred, P r ' so abducted, ’ lc 1 r s ^“ i e - or A impeached. witness may A cir- be
cumstance is a lion in the path demand-
rng blooil
It has of.en been asserted that innocent
men evidence. have been There hung on circumstantial such
may have been
instances, but they have been rare in-
deed. In my own experience in law and
detective _ work I have curious
seen some
things about circumstantial evidence. It
is, in one sense, the strongest chain
Which can be forged, in another the very
we a “ est -
About . twenty , I detailed
years ago was
on a murder case in a Kentucky town.
It was not to work up the case, but to
save if possible the young man arrested
for the crime. When I got the facts and
detaus I felt hopeless to accomplish any-
thing. Me was a young man of 23,
named Ora ham, ana was of respectable
family. He had been engaged to a
but they a had ^ quarreled hl ^ host about res P something, ec Xhbility,
Common friends had brought about a
reconciliation, but a now suitor had ap-
peared upon the scene, and Graham’s
jealously had provoked another quarrel,
He had not visited her in two weeks,
when, on the evening of Sunday,
her 30, one of Graham’s friends met him
aud said:
r our rival is up at Lossing’s, and
seems bound to cut you out. Adele
seems Graham very truly sweet loved on him.”. the girl, aud this _
speech made him wild. He turned pale,
trembled, and finally said: .
“He is an adventurer and an inter-
loper. Let him look out for himself 1”
An hour later he started for Lossing’s.
He passed several people who saw that
he was excited. The house stood back
from the road in a grove of trees, and
from was approached the by Graham two paths fully or intended drives
front.
to enter the house, but when he came
upon He the afraid grounds he might his courage failed do him.
was say or some-
thing rash decided in his present mood, and very and
sensibly to return to town
defer his call till the next day. Next
morning h*s rival’s dead body was found
on one of the drives, about half way be-
tween the house and the fence. He had
been struck down with a bludgeon. Con-
elusions are always jumped at in murder
cases. Two of the servants were at once
arrested, but before noon they were set
at liberty and Graham was taken into
custody. The chain already contained
several links. Others were added the
moment he was arrested. He was dread-
fully agitated, hesitated to acknowledge and
that he had been near the place, a
blood stain was found on the right
sleeve of his coat. Before he had been
in jail one day even his own father
lieved him a murder. He was examined
and bound over, and it was only after
that event that he began to protest his
innocence. The girl who had been the
cause of it came nobly to his rescue.
While she truly loved him, she had been
willing to make him jealous, and when
murder had come of it, as she believed.
she felt terribly conscious striken and
anxious to believe in his protestation of
innocence
When I came upon the worked ground, the
State had its case all up, and
when I went over it to look for a flaw
I could find none. I had to Indeed, acknowledge
that I was without hope. I be-
lieved Graham strengthened guilty. His own expla- belief,
nations rather ° that ijjj
Lossing’s house faced the east, e
highway in front ran north and south.
The lawn was twenty yards wide, and
one drive led from the north and the
other from the south end. Graham ap¬
proached from the north. He would
naturally turn in at the first drive, but he
claimed to have gone on to the second,
He followed played It to the house, three passed
around it, for two or
“WE SEEK THE REWARD OF H0NE8T LABOR."
utes with the dogs, and then eircled
about tho fish pond, and took a short
cut across the grove and struck the road,
not hitting the north path at nil. The
dead man had' come from tho village as
well, and on foot. He had como and at-
tempted to return by the north drive.
If Graham was innocent who wus
i guilty? slightest suspicion had
I Not the been
1 directed elsewhere. It seemed hopeless
to tioned look. I questioned could and cross-quos-
him, but he not give me
the slightest foundation for a clue or a
theory. What I got came by aceidont.
I asked to see the blood-stained cloth-
ing, and I found it to bo a singlo daub
of blood on a white vest/ It was a
curious mark, such as I had never seen
before, and when I quietly investigated murdered
further I discovered that the
man had been struck on the back of the
head and fallen forward on his face. Ho
had very thick hair, and, while the blow
had crushed the skull, he had bled but
little. The blood would not spurt from
such a blow. Tho body had not been that
lifted, and so how did Graham got
bloodstain? Accident gave mo the
knowledge. I was looking the fourth the ground fifth
over at Lossing’s for or
time, when one in of the caressing dogs came Los- and
leaped sing observed upon me it and a remarked: way.
“Old Fan was always very fond of
Graham, and I believe she misses him.
Here, Fan ( let me look at you paw. Ah I
it’s about as well as ever, isn’t it?”
“What ailed her paw?” I asked.
“She got a terrible cut on a piece of
glass a few weeks ago." Graham
“About the time was nr-
rested?”
“Yes."
“Then it was her bloody paw that
made the mark on his vest that night!”
“Good heavens, but it must have
Been!”
I had a clue and a hope. Everything believed
changed in au hour, and I now
Graham innocent and went to work to
secure proofs. I posted up to Louis-
ville and examined the police records
for arrests. I followed a score or more
of cases to their finish, but got nothing.
It was my belief that a white man com-
mitted the crime, and that he meant
ro bbery, but was frightened looked off. I re-
turned to the village and every-
Body over, but got no satisfaction. The
day of the trial was coming and I was in
despair, but accident came to my aid
again. I happened into the hotel barn
ag the landlord pulled a lot of rubbish
out 0 f a stall. Hidden away with it
was a fi nc gaddle, and as it was brought
to light the man exclaimed:
“Bless me, hero is the dead man’s
saddle “ 1”
<<yp a3 it missing?” stolen”on I asked,
“It wa3 the night of his
murder. That’s the reason he went
down to stole Lossing’s it? What on foot.” for? An
Who out-
s jder, who stole the saddle for its worth
WO uld have carried it off. An insider
on i y WO uld have stored it in the stall,
"Who was inside? A white man and two
(!0 i 0 red assistants. Within an hour I
had ascertained that the white man,
-whose name was Foster, was absent
f or an hour on the evening of
the murder, and that since he
had acted very queerly. I arrested him,
charged him with the crime, and he did
no t hold out fifteen minutes. His mo¬
tive was robbery. He did not intend to
hill his victim, but only to stun him.
n e had just struck him when the dogs
Barked greeting to Graham, and, over-
come By sudden fright, Foster dashed
away and dared not return. render He thought him-
Be had only to keep still to
se if safe, and, but for my found, being present might
when the saddle was he
never have been suspected. Graham hanged,
was cleared and Foster was
The change had been brought about by
the fondling of a dog.
The second case occurred in Ohio,
Xn . a town not far from Cincinnati,
A y° un g m aQ > F ™nk Meyer, had become
infatuated with a widow older than him-
self - Xlis father aud friends made every
effort to break U P- The y° un g mau
was > final! y bought to seethc;error of his
wa y s >. but when he attempted to sever
Xbe tie tho woman sought to hold him by
threats. This angered him and ho in-
bulged in some hard talk of what lie
would do in _ case she further annoyed
b ' m - Thus matters stood when he set
ou t one evening to see her and make a
last attempt to settle. It was a summer
n ’g b t. an( X they were seen walking intlie
suburbs of the town. Xhey were over- hin\.
bear( X 111 an g r y talk. She defied
XXc returned home pale and excited, his
clothing disarranged, and Ins face bleed-
in 8 from scratches. An hour later she
was found dead, choked to death,
^ oung Myers was arrested at mid-
night. , He did not even assert his mno-
cence. It was only on his examination
that he believed protested, him guilty. and oven I happened his own
father
* 0 ba * a the town, and the way I came
ln t° tbo case wa ® b y relating tho mci-
dents of the one I have already narrated,
* prisoner himself sent for me and
told me this story:
“X me .t the woman, walked Mrs. Albright,
b y appointment. We out on
Glark avenue to be alone. I told her
J bat m y min d was firmly made up to see
b « no more, and she was very angry. I
should have returned with her, but at
the little bridge she ordered me to leave
be “ threatening to do b desperate the things I
^ ao rele “ t y morrow.
did not return by the highway and did as our
meeting was a secret one I not
xt ltnowi i- X crossed a corner of
the graveyard, fell off the fence as I did
so, and there my face wa3 scratched by
i the briers.
“But you hardly denied your guilt,” I
said.
“Because I was confused and stunned
by my arrest, and because I saw no use
of it,” he replied. “I have told you the
truth. I want you Sohely me prove my-
self clear.”
I left him with the feeling that he was
lying’to mo, and that nothing could be
done in his case. thero Ten or twolve days
had elapsed, but had been no
rain. 1 Went to tho bridge, crossed
tho creek at tho point ho told mo
to, and soon camo upon his trail. At
rail the graveyard and fence where I found had a broken
tho place he fallen,
I found tho briars brokon and crushed,
and from the thorns I gathered several
small fragments belonging to the suit ho
wore. ditch where Further ho had stopped tho into time, a
mud was soft at
It had now drftd hard and preserved tho
print. £ measured it, and when I re-
turned to town I had beg n to beliovo
that Meyers was cither a good talkor or
an innocont man. His story was all
right in one sense, but all wrong in the
other. Did he make the trail while
leaving the woman alive or dead?
An old saying always goes with an ur-
lest: “If ho didn’t do it, who did?”
Somebody must bo held responsible.
After two or three interviews with young
Meyers and his parents, I doubted if he
could have choked the woman to death,
He was frail and iu poor health, and she
was robust aud strong. She had scarcely
struggled at all, proving that she had
been attacked suddenly and that tho grip
was a forcible one. He neck was dis-
colored as well as her throat, proving
that two largo hands had been characters employed. had
However, no suspicious and
been seen in if tho other neighborhood, than Meyers, had tho
murderer,
made his escape. I was completely
blocked, cident would and could help only hopo that ac-
me out.
It had been said that the body had
not been robbed. Tho only theory
seemed to bo revenge. If it was not
Meyers, then it was some former lover,
and I went to Cincinnati to mako in-
quiries. On the way up my watch
stopped, and my first call was at a
jeweler’s. I had not been in his placo
sixty seconds when in walked a stout,
strong fellow, who laid a lady’s watch
on the showcase and said:
“X am going away, and I want to sell
this, it belonged to my wife who is
dead.”
“We don’t buy second-hand watches,”
replied the jeweler, but he carelessly
picked the watch up, examined it, and
then said;
“Ihis is one of our watches. I re¬
member selling it two or three months
ago.” “Yes,” replied the reaching out
man,
for it.
“Let’s see the name,” continued tho
jeweler, “Never as mind,” ho went replied for a book. the “If
man.
you don’t want to buy, very well; I’m
in a hurry.” Albright of-,” said
“Sold to Mrs.
the jeweler as he handed it over.
“The woman who was murdered I" I
said to tho straDgor. “Wore you her
husbai d?”
'yo3l” he stammered.
“And you have not been near--?
That is strange 1 You will go with me
to He the tried police.” draw his pistol, but I
to wa3
too quick for him. and Tho police bad charac¬ recog¬
nized him as a bully a
ter, and inside of half a day acquainted I had es¬
tablished the fact that he was
with the murdered woman. Then I
traced him to tho depot, and on the
train to the village, and lator on foi*id
cwo villagers who remembered of had seeing
him there that night. When I got
him reasonably sure I confronted him
with my facts, and he broke down and
made a full confession. He had come
out to see Mrs. Albright that night, and
he had found her on the bridge aud q uar-
reled with her. She was desperate and
defiant, and in a fit of passion he had
choked her to death. lie had seized the
watch, but left all else, and so the Coro¬
ner’s jury had been misled.
The fellow, whose name was Dan
Cummings, was a craven as well as a
bully. He confessed all and cleared
Meyers, but while awaiting his trial
committed suicide .—New York Sun.
Itiiling to School on Broncos.
At Manor, Texas, in the that sparsely of the
settled country along line
Houston and Texas Central Bailway, I
came to a large wood-colored building
surrounded by a caravan of horses. I
counted upward of fifty, all saddled and
each hitched to a tree. Everything
about the house was as still as death.
“It must be a funeral,” I said. Sud¬
denly the scene changed. and The doors broko of
the building children. burst open “School’s out
fifty school out;”
they shouted, and a caravan of children
scrambled for the horses. In a moment
the youngsters had mounted and were
riding hciter-skeltor seemed over the prairie. tho
The Texas mustangs to scent
frolic and kicked up their heels as they
galloped home with the schoolchildren.
With their dinner-pails saddles, jingling and on then the
pommol3 of the
dresses and jackets waving in the wind,
they looked like a mad caravan of
Bedouins.
“How far did you come?” I asked a
little tot who sat behind his sister on a 1
speckled mustang.
“I turn dood way—I turn"-
“Why, his he’s come six miles,” Inter¬
rupted sister. “Jimmy is only five
years old. He doesn’t know how far he
does come.”
“But I live eight miles,” said a little
Lord “but I Fauntleroy on a dancing bronco, have
can ride it in an hour and
done it in thirty minutes.” Then he
spurred his horse till he leaned away
over the prairie.
It is very common to see school chil¬
dren wearing spurs in Texas. Texas has
the richest school fund of any State in
the Union, but she lacks the children.
Some counties have as much as $50,000
laid up for school purposes. They are
just waiting for the children to grow.—
New York World.
Emotions, it is held, come to persons
far oftener by contagion than they spring
up of themselves in the human breast.
$1-00 Per Annum, In Advance-
HOUSEHOLD AFFAIRS,
Cast-off Gloves.
To Prevent Hosiery Fading?.
Hosiery which it is fenred may fads
should bo very quickly washed. For
dolicato colors mako a lather of pure
soap ami warm water, with a few drops
of ammonia, and wash rapidly; rinso in
clear water with a little ammonia in it.
Instead of hanging socks ami stockings
up to dry some laundressos adviso to
pull them into shape and roll up very
tightly in a clean cloth, letting them
become almost dry this way. Palo bluo
is a will Hooting color, and it.—Alva a hot sun or hot
lire often fade York World.
Did it over occur to you, writes a
lady to the Prairie Parmer, to save tiro old
wrists—especially tho long ones—of
kid gloves? 1 made a very pretty card
case of a pair of tan colored board ones, and by
taking two pieces of card side
covering them neatly on one with
the kid, and on the other with a piece of
light blue silk. Cut tho silk ana kid a
trifle wider than the pieces of card board
—just enough to allow for a seam, and
sew the two pieces of kid and silk up
in tho edge shape of two bags, leaving them and ono
long open in both. Turn
sew another piece of silk on tho inside
to form a pocket; or, if one desires, Slip a
pocket may be made in each side.
the pieces ot card board in, sew tho
seam between the boards and hide tho
seam with a piece of ribbon or fancy
needle docoration. Mino is ornamented
on tho covers with a pen-and-ink sketch.
Caro of Umbrellas.
After coming in out of the rain let the
umbrella down and stand it on the han¬
dle, that it thus may dry drip in from this position; the
water will tho edges of
the frame and the cover dry uniformly.
When placed with the handle upward,
as is frequently done, the water runs to
the top of the umbrella and tho raoisturo
is there retained in tho lining under¬
neath the ring for some length of time,
causing the silk or fabric with which
tho frame is covered to become tender
and soon rot. Ordinarily tlio top of an
umbrella wears out sooner than the other
part of it, and in the majority of cases
may be thus accounted for. A silk um¬
brella is much injured by being . left
open to dry; the silk becomes stretched
and stiff and will sooner split thus cared
for. When not in use let the folds lio
loose, not fastened down, the creases are
less apt to split from this usago. Dis¬
pense with an umbrella case except in
traveling, as a the protection friction from dust the and
cinders. To from case
is partially due tho minute perforations
that appear in the silk in spite of all caro
ried and expense in the hand in purchasing. in anticipation When of fall¬ car¬
ing weather, the folds may be strapped
down as it adds to the neatness of its ap¬
pearance .—New York independent.
Home Cheese Making.
For the manufacture of cheese on a
small scale are required diameter a cheese hoop
about ten inches in with a fol¬
lower, a new washtub and a press. Tho
milk should bo taken perfectly fresh
from the cow and strained through a
cloth into the cheese tub. As a gallon
of milk will make one pound of cheese
the precise quantity at a time should bo
noted. Part of it should he warmed,
so that tho temperature of tho wholo
when in the tub shall be raised to eighty-
three degrees Fahrenheit. The rennet,
thoroughly cleaned or prepared, should
then bo added, enough being used to
produce curdling in abour forty minutes.
As soon as the curd will break smoothly,
it should be cut with curd knives into
squares and then allowed to stand until
the whey runs off. Part of this whey
is then hoated, tho mass of curd is lifted
and broken in minute pieces and warm
whey is added until tho the temperature
of the whole is raised ninety-eight de¬
grees Fahronboit. When cool this oper¬
ation is repeated until the curd becomes
crumbly, easily hand. falling to pieces when
pressed drained in the off tho Tho curd whey into is then the
all and put
cooler and cut up with curd knives;
when the temperature has fallen some¬
what it is turned over and left until it
assumes a flaky condition. When nearly
dry salt is added, and the wholo is
mixed thoroughly with a curd mill. It
is then put into the bandage inside of
the hoop, and is put on the press. Af¬
ter remaining there from two to four
hours it should be taken out and turned.
The next day it may be taken from the
press and put on a shelf to cure .—New
York Herald.
Recipes.
Tongue or IIam Sandwiches.—C hop
fine tho lean of cold boiled tongue or
ham, season with prepared mustard and
black pepper, add melted butter and
sweet cream until smooth like a paste,
then spread between buttered slices of
bread.
C o ms'-S r arcH Pies. —Two tablespoon¬ little
fuls corn-starch dissolved in a milk,
the yelks of two eggs, one quart of milk,
three cups of sugar; boil the milk and
stir into it the beaten yelks mixed with
the corn starch, add the sugar; line pans
with paste, pour in the custard and bake;
beat the whites of the eggs with ball a
cup of su^ar, spread over the top of the
pies when they aro done and brown
slightly in the oven.
Buttermilk Sour. —The foreign
kitch-n has many recipes for this
soup quite unknown among us.
Cooking brings out the acia, but
once used to that taste one finds the
soup good and wholesome. To each
pint of buttermilk one tablespoon of
Uour and one tablespoon butter, a little
salt. Bring gradually to a boil, and stirring
constantly to prevent curdling, pour
on fried bread. Sugar and cinnamon the yolk
are often added to this; also
aud beaten white of one egg. This is
nutritious for tho sick. The Germans
add sometimes small potatoes or bits of
fried bacon. In the latter case the
butter is omitted.
NO. 28.
WISHES.
I would I might approach tlieo,
As the moon draws noar tho cloud,
What still and statoly courtesy^
Cleor-eyod and solomn-browcd;
But, when thoir mooting comes, her face
In his deep bronst doth hide,
Tho heavons aro still, in solemn joy,,
The world is gloriflod.
I would l might approach thoo,
As music, swift alloat,
Surprisos, with its sudden joy,
A wanderor in a boat;
Tho sordid walls of life fall down
Before that clarion dear; (
A passing rapture oft recalled
When days grow blank and drear.
I would I might approach theo,
As breezes fresh and puro.
Unsighted, breathe on fevered lips,
And throbbing temples cure;
As Joy, and Lovo, and healthful Hopo,
Visit some chosen heart,
And entor, softly welcomed there,
And never more depart.
-- Julia Ward Howe.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Some men kick against a bill, and
others foot it.
Tlioso who wish to see ice in August
saw ice iu February.
Life.
Crumbs of comfort are not tho oneB
which a mean joker scatters in his room¬
mate’s bed.
There are men who are really wise. To
be wiso in one’s own conceit is other¬
wise. — Picayune.
Tho policeman often finds himself in
a tight placo. lie gets into it through tho
Bide door.— New York News. ,
When men aro dry quite usoloss aro
All efforts to prohibit ’era,
They’ll soeksomo still socludod bar
And drink and drink ad libitum.
—Merchant Traveler.
You can no more toll a man’s ability
by the size of his liat, than you can toll
his strength by measuring his ovorcoat-
Bhouldors.
Dasher— “I hope you don’t object to
my smoking.” Kcv. Mr. Myldc—“N—
not in the least, if—you don’t object to
my being sick. Pick Me Up.
Never offer dates to an old maid.
They are to suggestive. the But pairs twins may
be presented to mother of
without offense. — New York News. ./ |
Foolish talk is very wrong, forsooth, the ' |
We Though tho you truth may ’tis think bad in it all youth, rage;
tell
And, certainly, its badinage. —GooclalVs Sun.
Senior Surgeon—“How’s that case of
heart trouble coming on?” Junior Sur¬
geon (forgetting himself)—“It’s all
settled, doctor; Judge. she accepted me this
morning. ”—
Matrimony has been called one of tho
States of the Union, and couples who
enter this state and engage in domestic
broils, will soon iind the union going to
pieces .—New York News.
A And pirato all took bis neighbors to gardening laugiiod onco
When ho said he took’a turnip patch 1
And raked it fore and aft.
—Merchant Traveler.
A Possible Exception.—Wifo—“Isn’t handsome
it a fact, dear, that men aro
proverbially disagreeable?” Husband—
“Well, I don’t know. I always try to
be pleasant .”—The Epoch.
Old Lady (in drugstore)—“Canltako with
this medicine, young fellow, im¬
punity?” Boy (busy selling impunity, stamps)—■
“Yes, you can take it with or
with a little milk and lime water.”
“Will you como to our poverty party, sirlH
Asked n merry awl frolicsome elf;
I bad to say “no”—this excuse I gave her:
“I’m a poverty party, 'myself.”
—GoodaWa Sun.
A Cleveland man recently loaned a
five-hundred-dollar diamond ring to a
Euclid avenue girl. It fitted so snugly
that she couldn’t get it off, and he had
to many her to recover it.— Drake's
Magazine. i
Mrs. 8. R. Kastieh—“I understand
you had a narrow escape at the hotel
tire, Mr. Slim.” Mr. Slim—“Very, I
had to slide from tho third floor down
the water pipe.” Mrs. Kastieh -“Insido
the pipe or outside ?”—Terre Haute Ex¬
press.
Mrs. Youngwife—“Oh, George, how
utterly heartless, almost wicked, wo
Jiave become!” Husband-“Eh? What?”
“It’s awful to be so neglectful of
heaven’s choicest blessings. We week.”—' haven’t
had baby’s picture taken for a
Philadelphia Record.
Mr. Jackson, of Vincennes, Ind., camo
homo and told his wife that the coal
supply of the world would last only 900
years more, and she fell in a faint and
broke her arm. Bhe afterward romem-
bered that they had always burned
wood .—Detroit Free Press.
ills Bride Made Him Smugglo.
Here Belgian is a good frontier. smuggling newly story married from
the A
couplo were Brussels. returning to Germany after
a tour to As tho train ap-
p r0 acbed tho frontier the bride grew
uneasy, quantity and presently-confessed of finest Brussels that lace she in
had a
her bag on whi'h a high duty would
have to be paid. “Put it inside your
hat,” This she pleaded, done. The Custom House
was
officials looked through the boxes of the
elegant young lady, the knowing by daring experi- of
ence that such aro most
smugglers, but found nothing. Tho
chief officer, tho charmed by accompanied the amiable,
manners of husband,
the couple to the traiD, when the
wretched husband, forgetting his secret
in the joy of having escaped, raised his
hat to the officer, and was instantly en-
veloped in a soft white veil. Tableau.-—
Pall Mall Gazette. - ----,