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THE JOKER’S CORNER.
MTU AY I1ITM OP HUMOR POUND IN
THK HthHOROUM COLUMNS*.
The Judge wsi There—The Deed ul
Mml CKtea~ft Cured Him—Net at aall
Mesuattlve—The llrautlful Maew* Etc.
NOT VERY SENSITIVE.
Some Northern people imagine that
the Southern African is as fall of per¬
sonal pride as one of Fenimore Cooper’s
Indians. Uncle Moee, of Austin, is not
one of that kind.
“I’se gwinter quit I has to look up
anodder place,” he said to his employer,
John Ingle, a wealthy merchant.
“What’s the matter with yon, Uncle
Mose?”
“De biznesa manager, Mr. White,
has not kicked me in de las’ two mumfs.
Not once has he lifted his foot ag’in
m&
“I ordered him not to kick you again.
I don’t allow anything of that kind in
this establishment. I intend that no¬
body shall hurt your feelings, Uncle
Mose.”
“Ef I don’t get no kicks Fse gwinter
quit”
“Are you crazy ? Do you want to be
kicked and cuffed about ?”
“Yes, sah, I does. Ebery time de
biz ness manager kicked or cuffed my
ears when he was mad, he got ashamed
of hisself afterward, and gubme a quar¬
ter. I’se done lost enough money al¬
ready, wid dis heah foolishness about
hurtin’ my feelings .”—Texas Sifting*.
PUT HIM UP.
An anecdote is told of the early days
and the time when court was first held
in this county in a log tavern. An ad¬
joining log stable was nsed as a jail, the
stalls answering as celis for the prisoners.
Judge T. was on the bonch, and in the
exercise of his judicial functions severely
reprimanded two young lawyers who
had got into a personal dispute.
- A herculean backwoodsman, attired in
a red flannel shirt, stood among the
auditors in the apartment, fie was
much pleased at the judge’s lecture
having himself been practicing at
“another bar”—and hallooed oat to his
worship (who happened t~ be cross¬
eyed):
“Give it to ’em, old gimlet-eyes!”
“Who is that ?” demanded the judge.
He of the flannel shirt, proud of being
thus noticed, stepped ont from among
the rest, apd, drawing himself up to his
full height, vooiferated:
“It’s this here old hoss!”
The judge called out in a peculiarly
dry, nasal tone: “Sheriff, take that ‘old
hoss,’ put him in ‘the stable,’ and ifee
that he is ‘not stolen’ before morning.”
—Pittsburg Dispatch.
NO USB.
A citizen of Brooklyn was met at the
door of his office the other morning by
a young man who had a bill to oolleat.
“For shoeing a horse—two dollars for
shoeing a horse I” exclaimed the gentle¬
man, as he glanced at the bill. “Why,
I haven’t owned a horse for the last five
years I”
“I don't know anything about that,”
replied the young man, “but was given
the bill to collect.”
“Oh, well, I’ll pay it. I was just go¬
ing down to the' gas office to protest a
bill, for three months that my house was
shut up, but I see it’s no use. If I have
tc pay for shoeing another man’s horse T
might as well pay for some other fam¬
ily’s gas .”—Wall Street News.
BEAUTIFUIa snow.
•
Oh, the snow, the beautiful snow,
(Shot that door,)
Filling the sky and the earth below;
(Yes. you can shovel it off for a quarter.)
Over the house-tops, over the street,
($10 an hour for a sleigh ? Good heavens I)
Over the heads of the people you meet;
(Arrest that boy for snow-balling i)
Dancing,
Flirting,
Skinning along—
Hit the poet with $ leather thong.
nw.not rtwT'rolf*, chipmunk*, n»clwi. gopher*. Mm. «*'<-•
h«ll*u{rt. aktink*,
__
A prise of two hundred dollar* ba* be**n
offered for every comet discovered.
When yon visit or leavaTVow York hire, city, and eave atop bag* a*
gage,«ipn-saagt* and #3 carriage
the cltv. _______
• The snow blockade has caused a cool famin
in Patterson, N. J.
Clipping# a la Scissor*
How is your back? If it aches put on a Bop PUutor,
Vat Crick, Stitches, Rheumatism, Faina in the Side m
Hip, Chest or Lang difficulties or aoraneae in any park
nothing equals this porous plaster for curing pain and
strengthening. Fresh Hops, Burgundy Pitoh and Bal¬
sams combined. 26c. druggists.
Death and life are in tha power of the tongue.
If yon use porous plasters the best and strongest one
mads is tha Bap Plaster. They kill pain and strengthen
the parts. A great many people say so. 86c. dealers.
To gat a few flowers, one must sow plenty ef seed.—
Whmtely,
House wires, shop girls and sales women usually suf¬
fer more or leas from Weak Baok and Side ache. A
Hop Plotter applied removes pain and strengthens the
parts. Never fails, 26c, druggists.
To lire beneath sorrow one must yield te it.
Truth. Bop Flutter* era absolutely the heel earn
strongest. 86c.
A loving heart to better end stranger then wisdom.—
Di client. ; Vif
* ‘Your Bop Piaster cures every time, I do not have
that awful pain in the aide now,'* said a lady. The
best porous plaster made. S5e. everywhere.
A catalpa tree large enough for four railroad ties can
be grown from seed in twenty years.
They are thorough and instant in action, euro pains
and aches and strengthens the weak parts. OaU for a
Hop Plaster and get it. 25c.
A Dayton man bathed his feet last week, caught cold
and died. Nearly all reformers are martyrs.
After using all the humbug liniments and salves with
sure failure, go and buy of your druggist a Bop Plaster.
The strongest and best external remedy, because pos¬
sessed of pain killing and strengthening properties.
The best porous plaster known.
A human being requires twenty cable inches of freak
air at each respiration. * -r * v<ip w * *
If yon use porous plasters, tha best and strongest «M
made is the Bop Plaster. A great many people say so.
25c. druggists. *
The English end Irish Exchequers were amalgamated
in 1817.
Where a Hop Porous Plaster is appliad to any kind of
pain or soreness there ia no doubt ef instant relief and
a speedy cure. Only 26c. —
▲ piece of steel is e good deal likes man; when yon
get it red hot it Joses its temper.
To be eared of Backsoho, Rheumatism, Sidesche Or
Sore Chest for 26c. is cheap. Apply a Bop Plaster.
Wales changes his trousers twice a day.
Backache, Rheumatism, Sharp Peine, Kidney Dis¬
eases, Pleurisy, Torpid Liver, Sore Chest or pain in
any part quickly cured by the Hop Plaster, Absolutely
the beet porous plaster ever known. Of all druggists
or by mail. 25c.; 6 for $1.00. Proprietors Hop Plaster
Co., Boston.
The most voracious eater in the warid to a bird-it
takes its food by the peek.
Get the beat household remedy. Mop Plasters for all
kinds of pains, aches, strains, lameness or soreness.
Magic in action, 26c.
Kansas people call whiskey "tha hull" kecanaa they
take it by the horns.
How is yonr backr If it aches put on a Bop Flatter.
For Crick, Swollen Joints and Maseles, Rheumatism,
Lame Side, Pains in the Chest, nothing equals this
porons plaster in thorough and hearty action. Heps,
Burgundy Pitoh and Balsams combined. 86s. evsiy
whore.
Poverty wants much; bat avarice, everything. —
Syrus.
Everybody knows the soothing sad pain allaying vir¬
tues of hops. The Bop Plaster contains beside Hops,
healing and strengthening Gome and Extracts which
make it positively the best porons plaster ever made.
Try one and see. 25c. any druggist.
Three people can keep a secret when two of them are
dead.
We can convince yon that they are without an equal -
Hop Plasters prepared from the virtues of fresh Hops,
Burgundy Pitch, end Canada Balsams, present an ele
gaot external remedy always ready to apply for any
kind of Fain or Soreness, Dyspepsia, Torpid Liver,
Kidney Diseases, Soreness of the Chest, Ac. Vastly
more active than any other porous plaster. They
socthe, kill pain and wonderfully strengthen the parts.
Only 26c. everywhere.
Truthfulness is a corner-stone ia character.
HOP PLASTERS,
They beat all the plasters ever made beeaosa they
possesa active medicinal properties unknown to other
kinds. The complete virtues of fresh Hope combined
with Borg and/ Pitch and Gams. Greatly superior to
other a st e rn al remedies. Act instantly, ears pain,
banish weakness and strengthen (2 m parts. No red
pepper to horn and irritate. Got of yonr druggist.
Xe.
Tha Kidneys and Liver
Am very important organa, and it ant kept hi good.
active , much an a to
Mood’s K*r«.penils, by its p<. rtf/mg
flnanoea, baa anted el
llvar complaints. Try 11004*1
Mr. C. I. Pitman, teeh
Hood's Sarsaparilla for the
his blood, lie waa greatly bed and gratified le
And that it waa doing what all othar had
failed to do—curing a trooble with
he bad angered for 11 yean. Haai rn aa O y
Hood’t 8«r**p*rilia for such eomplaiata.
*T hsve boon nuing Hood’i Sarsaparilla for Indlgom
tion, kidney end liver tmbM, It haagroatlybonattod
me, end 1 weald advise any one ato loOs d with stmflev
trouble* to give it atrial."—W. H. WAR. Depot
ter, R. T. 0. I H. R. R., Syracuse, N. T.
"I have prescribed Hood's Sarsaparilla whom an
alterattve or blood pa rider waa
tion, with excellent regatta.—D. S. D»OX. X. D.,
Bloomington, Dl.
Hood’s Saraaparilla
Bold by all druggists. #1; six fee $3. Prepared safer by
HOOD AGO.. Apothecaries, Lowell, “
O. L
IOO Doses One Dollar
WlolMIT SHERSAaN. Ths fastest selUng
hr Q«u. DODGE sod Gen. Hherman
kook out- Indorsed by Pres t Arthur . Gen’s Grant.
mSMk2£ Sheridan, and thousands iMUsaJaasaa of Eminrnt Judg es, <
P N U 10
% U We JSJ5fct5& El. »OV«LAR
OaU r Glove, Calf Ton Sewed
Shoes lnAmerlca for (he price j
mads In Button, Court m end
\ 'ST | Laos. Medium Lesion Toe,
V \ Y YJ #3 very stylish and durable. Pay
v “>——*7^—y good no loageri for you can get at
mall, p stage free. Mea-ure foot a (hoe dureetad. $8- Sent State by
usually at
use you wear, and style wanted. I guarantee
a fit and perfeot satlefactlon. W. L. Douglas,
Brockton , Maw. Retail dealers wanted.
fi HIE WO 11L 1»*M~W<»N 1>K ll 8 an VoMtZil HU
k. <"1/ "j'the (tieelyExpedition, Salary ilrnml now Writoquick book; out.
is special < very thing. teriia. itiritorlca.1 or com. Pub. to Ayenis. (Jo., Phils., I'a.
.or
LEARN TELEGRAPHY Hr*«„ Janosvlllo.wis.
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rS^ViWfsS'"ssrtessfess: sasr*
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Lin INW j
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