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lllcmhjonterj} monitor.
VOLUME VIII.
‘•fate."-.
In this dark belfry where we toil and grope
Toward the dim seen light of life within,
Where barely, or with panting breath we
win
To shadowy glimpses of our dream of hope;
If still ascending by the steepening slope
i With this small knowledge of our origin
The what we were, plus all our sum of sin,
What need is there to cast a horoscope?
We are the angels of such destiny
• As shall o’ertake us when ,wa leave this
place
Os temporary hiding, soon or late.
There is no thought, word, deed of such as
we,
But moulds us unto grace, or to disgrace.
Though men are pleased to call their scape
goats ‘‘Fate.”
—James McCreedy.
jijdgjTrelf.
TW ACK RELF stood
irresolute in the
V-* S doorway of the
smoking-room.
The all-night po
:==~ - Kd ker game, of
-Sj _ |8 which he had been
’ - ///—_. a spectator for an
K& hour or more, had
*7~ just adjourned for
=* breakfast, and the
empty room with its strata of various
colored cigarette smoke was uninviting
at so early an hour. Hardly more at
tnctive was the row of pallid invalids—
helpless and shapeless in their heavy
wraps—on the deck before him. It was
demoralizing to see men so colorless and
women so utterly regardless of personal
appealanco as his fellow pa9sengeis.
Three days of rough weather had
wrought the usual havoc, and although
the sea had become somewhat calmer
there was an insidious swell, deadly in
its effect. It addition to the general
dreariness the fog-whistle had been
blowing hoarse notes of warning all
night, and even now, although the fog
was lifting it necessitated this precau
tion. However muggy the outside
air, it was delicious alter the smoking
room, and Relf, delightfully conscious
of beiDg one of the very few persons
walking the deck, threw back his head
with a quick, characteristic movement,
to enjoy more fully the salty dampness.
“He i 9 a beautiful youth,” said the
Rabbi, and he murmured some apro
pos remarks of the Hebrew poets.
“In that leng coat and loundcaphe
he is like a young prie3t,” added the
lliihop, and they both continued their
discussion on “infinity.” Relf smiled
and touched h>s cap as he passed them.
They were an interesting old pair, each
so typical in his way that the young
man le! r that he had known them al
ways. He looked at the Rabbi’s strong,
patriarebial profile, and reflected how
invaluable he would be to a painter of
Biblical scenes in need ol an Abraham or
a Moses.
Just then the fog-whistle, whose deaf
ening bellow had of late been coming at
longer interva’s, burst out as if it would
rip the pipe from its fastenings. Simul
taneously came a concussion that sent
Relf sprawling iuto somebody’s lap, and
for au instant there was the sound of
crashing timbers up forward. Then, as
if the whistle had sounded the day of
judgment, the ghosts rose from their
graves and swarmed iu bewilderment
about the deck. Pale, dishevelled wo
men, who but a short time before had
prayed for death, slid from their steamer
chairs with surprising alacrity and be
came suddenly and inconsistently imbued
with a desire to live. The men, anxious
and wild-eyed, were crowding forward,
and every one was in the feverish state
of ignorance that a reporter describes as
“a panic seemed imminent.” The ap
pearance of the ship’s doctor, however,
glut an end to that possibility.
“There is no cause for alarm,” he
said, hurriedly, “we£re unhurt,” and
he told them that the Dahlia had run
down a schooner and the boats would be
lowered tp pick up hercrew. “Look
see then!” Every oue crowded to the
rail.
It was as if the gauze curtains in the
last act of a spectacular play were rolling
up to disclose the transformation scene.
Through the lilting fog, in a glare of
white sunlight, the wrecked vessel
floated aimlessly about in two pieces.
There were men in her rigging—just
how many it was impossible to toll.
Every time Relf looked through his glass
he discovered a new figure clinging des
perately to the shrouds. It was a dreary
sight, and the time it took the Dahlia’s
boats to go out to the wreck and back
seemed interminable and strangely silent
without the throbbing of the engines.
Relf watched the rescued ones, twenty
two in all, climb over the side and dis
appear among a crowd of gaping steer
age passengers. With the exception of
the first mate and the carpenter, who
had been lost, the shaggy-beaded crew
of the Lizzie Johnston were apparently
unhurt. When they reappeared, dressed
to a man in the neat blue and white of
the Dahlia, they stood about in the
steerage, allowing themselves to be
questioned and admired with an indif
ference worthy of more experienced -
lions. They were a polyglot collection
—Gcrraao, French, some sallow Portu
guese, several Dutchmen and a sprink
ling of Americans, of whom the captain
was one. Relf took an immediate in
terest in one young fellow—not on ac
count of the man himself exactly, for his
back was turned, and he couid only see
MT. VERNON, MONTGOMERY CO., GA., THURSDAY JUNK 8, 1893.
that he was tall and well formed. It
was more owing to the effect the man
was producing on a tow-haired German
girl who was tenderly bandaging his
right wrist. She blushed furiously when
he spoke and bent her head to hide her
confusion. Relf reflected that the man
must be strikingly handsome or was
saying unusually sweet nothings, and
waited curiously until the operation
should be completed, hoping to see his
face. But when the girl gave a final pat
to her skilful bandage, the sailor made
her a funny little bow and went inside
without turning round.
Later in the day, when Relf was talk
ing with the captain of the Lizzie John
ston, and at the same time idly watching
the picture of squalor the steerage af
forded, he again saw the young man of
the bandaged wrist, stretched out in the
sunshine, apparently asleep, with his tace
concealed by his arm. Ho was on the
point of asking the captain about him
when a steward appeared on the prom
enade deck beating a Chinese gong for
dinner.
At dinner, at the supreme moment
when tongues wag liveliest, when the or
chestra plays loudest, when every one is
wittiest and no one else is listening—the
steward laid a rather soiled envelope,
addressed in an unformed hand, beside
Relf’s plate. He opened the dubious
looking cover wonderingly, and glanced
down the half sheet it contained, upon
which among other things was a smirch
of blood, until his eyes rested upon the
signature, “Richard Burns.” He stared
at it so long and stupidly that the im
patient steward joggled his elbow, aud
Relf, who iu the entire twenty years of
his existence had never been so deeply
moved, helped himself plentifully to
mashed potatoes.
“Mr. Relf,” the note ran, “when I
3aw yon talking to the captain to-day I
hid my face, but you will come again
and see mo anyhow, and I want to have
a talk with you before you givo me
away. Can I see you to-mght when the
people have gone in? Very respectfully,
Richard Burns.”
Relf shuddered at this note with its blot
of blood almost as he had shuddered two
years before when in the pink and gray
light of early dawn he stumbled over the
dead body of a servant on the deck of
his uncle’s yacht. The shock had been
a horrid one. The gruesomeness of un
expectedly finding some one for whom
he had a liking, dead, with his head
battered in, was more than Relf felt he
could ever quite recover from; and now
chance and a fog had placed the mur
derer in his hands when the police and
a vast expenditure of money had failed
to do so. Relf had often pictured to
himself a noiseless struggle in which
Manderson bad succumbed to the lithe
young stoker —the stealthy tip-toe across
the deck, the soft splash, and the long,
cold swim toward tlie lights ol tne dis
tant watering-plaoe. He saw it now so
clearly, so intensely, that it made his
heal ache, atid quite forgetting that the
Bishop was telling him an anecdote, he
left tne table suddeclv and went on
deck, where, except for eight or ten
ladies dining on lemocade, he fouud him
self alone.
It was not because Relf was in doubt
as to his duty that he felt the need of
some one wiser than himself in whom he
could confide. Wnat he had to do ho
realized quite clearly; it had Hashed
through his miutl the moment he saw the
signature of the note. But how to go
about it without becoming undesirably
conspicuous was another matter. He had
but vague ideas as to how a criminal
was brought to justice on land. Ou the
high seas it was probably a totally differ
ent proceeding, and among all the people
on board with whom he had discussed
the run, and the pools, and liudyard
Kipling, and the collision, there was
no one whose advice he cared to ask.
The Bishop was so utterly unpractical
that Relf doubted whether he evea be
lieved in arresting people at all; and as
for the liabbl—Relf smiled.
Os course he would not see Burn 9, he
reflected. To arrange a rendezvous with
a murderer, in mid-ocean, after every
one had gone in, was not exactly a
subtle thing for a young man with no
particular taste for athletics to do. Tneu,
after thinking it over for some time, he
decided that it might be—well, rather
unfair to pay no attention to the man’s
request, and decided to meet him.
It was clear and cold when Relf
stepped out of the smoking room late
that night. Except for a fair compatriot
and a college man the deck was deserted.
He took uo his position iu front of the
music room, aud stood looking into the
black depths of the steerage until there
was a sudden gleam of light there,
against which a man’s figure stood out
for au instant, and he fell that Richard
Burns was waiting for him.
“Is that you, Burns?” iie called soft
ly, and then, without waiting for an an
swer, added: “Gome up here, please.”
He neither had anything to say, nor did
he know what the man wished to say to
him, so he leaned against the rail and
waited for the other to begin. During
the silenca that followed, his dislike of
seeing any one ill at ease almost forced
him to speak; hut he resisted the im
pulse and waited. When the man
finally plunged desperately into the mid
dle of what he had to say, Ilelf drew
nearer that he might not lose any ol the
slowly spoken sentences.
“I never meant to kill Manderson,”
Burns began. “It was him that had
the gri’dge against me. He used to go
out "of his way to devil me —we never
would have seen each other if be hadn’t,
because—” He broice off abruptly and
added in a hopeless tone, “That wasn't
what I was going to say first, for you
won’t believe that, if you’re sharp, like
they used to say you were. A ltnowiug
chap don’t believe what’s true.’’
“Please go on,” said Relf, dryly.
“He worried me like a cat until that
night I couldn’t staud it, and hit him.
You remember Maudersou when his
blood was up, Mr. Relt? He jumped at
me with his knife, and—well, I couldn’t
let him stick me, and how would it ha’
looked if I’d ha' made u row? If it
hadu’t ha’ been him it would ha’ been
me. But I never meunt to kill him. I
got his knife and rapped him over the
head witei the handle to make him let
go—his teeth were sunk in my hand,
you can see the marks of them yet.”
Keif looked with some interest at the
great paw that was thrust into the stream
of light from the music room port
hole.
“Ho loosed his grip,” continued
Burns, “and I let him down easy. I
didn’t know he was dead, but I couldn’t
set him on his feet again and his heart
wasn’t working. Well, I might ha’
stayed there, and said then what I’m
saying now, but I didn’t. My people
are hard-working and I was well
raised, if Ido say it. I’m only older
than you by two years. I’m a common
kind of a man, but everything is before
me like it is for you. I couldn’t give it
all up. I can make something out of
my life if no one knows who lam.” Hi*
face showed an instant in the light, and
Relf, who had always remembered U as
something diabolical, streaked with
sweat and coal dust, noticed that it was
clean and brown and eager almost as
useful as hu own.
Burns talked on and on, but Reif had
ceased to hear the words, only the earn
est tones of the man’s voice came to him.
Under its influence he was seeing his
own praiseworthy intentions in an en
tirely new light. He realized that he had
in his power a creature liko himself—a
young and vigorous life that he was
about to—if not quite kill, at least crip
ple as effectually as the limbs of a Nea
politan beggar that are tortured into
hideous shapes in infancy. Exactly why
he was doing this he didn’t know. Ob
viously it was not for the man’s own
good. Perhaps it was for the good of
the public. Then ho reflected that this
was “rot,” as abstractly he did not in
the least care for the good of the public,
aud at any rate an hone3t life was of in
finitely more good to the world than any
number of ignominious deaths. Was it
thirst for revenge? Was it merely to
satisfy a prejudice? He thought of these
and many other things, with his eyes
fixed on the black smoke that rolled from
the funnels, and, trailing close to the
water, struggled to obliterate the shim
mering path of moonlight there.
The time passed with cruel slowness
for the dark figure at his side, who had
long since become silent, and was trying
to read the younger man’s larsm vague
eyes.
At length Reif looked toward him.
“I believe what you say,” he said
slowly. “I have no wish to harm you.”
And as he turned to go, eight bells
struck, and the watch saug out a long
“All’s well.”—o. M. Flandrau, in the
Harvard Advocate.
A Cane in Eleven Hundred Pieces.
William E. Yale, a wealthy Brooklyn
(N. Y.) bachelor, is a remarkable trav
eler, aud bis delight is historical study.
He has a cane that he carries with him,
which is undoubtedly the most co3tly
and unique of anything of the kind in
the world.
The stick contains about 1100 pieces
of wood. Each piece is cut iu a curious
and artistic shape, so that the cane with
the various colored and shaped woods
has a strange appearance.
Mr. Yale plauned and made the cane,
and work upon it consumed weeks of
labor at different times iu the course of
several years.
Sixty of the 1100 pieces of wood are
of great value to relic hunters. The
head ot the cane is made from a post in
the house of Shakespeare’s birthplace at
Stratford, England. Set in the head is
u small lock of white hair from Martha
Washington’s head, the lock having
been given Mr. Yale thirty years ugo by
Robert E. Lee, a descendant of Mrs.
Washington.
There is a piece of wood from the
birthplace of Napoleon, on ths Island of
Corsica, and one from Napoleon’s writ
ing desk at St. Helena.
Other pieces of tlie cane came from
the Charter O.tk, from the heme of John
Adams, from a chair of Oliver Cromwell,
from the home of Julia Hancock, from
the Mayflower, Roger Williams’s pew,
from u desk of Abraham Lincoln, from a
penholder of Gladstone, from a rule that
Garfield used at school, from a penholder
of Longfellow, from a trunk that Lafay
ette used during the Revolutionary War,
from trie bed upon which Jehu Wesley
died and from the guillotine upon which
Louis XVI. and Marie Antoinette were
beheaded. Mr. Yale spent years and
much care in collecting the relics.
He has been offered S2OOO for the
cane, which is truly a wonder. He will
leave it to the historical department of
Cornell University when he dies.
The Woodford (Ky.) Sun tells of a
wooden legged cat that flourishei as a
famous rat killer iu Woodford County,
clubbing the rats to death with its arti
ficial lirnb. The kitten was born with
only three legs, but Pat McGrath had
the wooden leg fitted to the stump
where the fourth one should have been.
OUR SOLDIERS 0E THE SEA.
THE MARINES WHO GARRISON
UNCLE SAM’S FLOATING FORTS.
The New Stylo Man-o’-War’s Man is
Not Much ot a Sailor—Tlie “Horse
Marines.”
Y" | T IIE United States Murine Corps
I 5 is likely to be increased nu
merically by the new Congress.
More of these fighting men are
needed for the battleships which are be
ing added to the Navy. At present they
number only about 2000. It is begin
ning to be realized that a few more bat
talions of these hardy fellows are
required to garrison Uncle Sam’s floating
fortresses. A marine is a sea soldier,
highly disciplined, with sea legs and a
sea stomach; a trained gunner and sharp
shooter, able and accustomed to do every
thing a sailor does, excopt going aloft.
But going aloft is an obsolete praotico
ou a modern war vessel, which carries
no sails, having only one mast, called the
“military mast,” with two tops, whence
rapid-firing guns are designed to hurl a
shower of projectiles against the enemy.
The new stylo man-o’-war’s man is
rather a soldier and a mechanic than a
sailor. lie forms au integral part of a
body of regular troops, housed in an
enormous mass of floating machinery,
which is lighted aud ventilatod by elec
tricity. Only a few sailors are really
needed ou board such a ship, for handy
work of certain kinds. Vessels for coast
defease are best manned wholly by sea
soldiers. The Naval Reserve now be
ing organized and trained as a sort of
ocean militia, is really a body of murines
though the men composing it are dressed
in sailors’ clothes.
The idea which they represent is not
at all an economical one, inasmuch as
they get seamen’s wages. Oddly enough,
the pay of sailors is nearly twice what
marines receive. A marine is allowed
only sl3 a month during his first term of
enlistment, whereas a seaman gets s2l a
month, and even a lubberly laudsmau on
a vessel is worth sls. The reason for
this difference is simply that sailors are
difficult to get and to keep, so that their
value is higher in the market.
Thus, it is readily seen that a great
saving would be made by reducing the
number of seamen in the Navy and in
creasing the force of marines.
Experts are of the opinion that a war
ship’s complement of men should be not
less than three-fourths marines. It is
rather interesting to consider the fact
that the first beginning of a navy for this
country was the raising of two battalions
of such sea soldiers by tho Continental
Congress in 1775. Since then they hare
formed part of the company of every
sea-going vessel belonging to the Govern
ment. Forces of them are regularly
stationed at Newport, Boston, Brooklyn,
Washington, Norfolk, Sitka in Alaska
and six other places.
While guarding Uncle Sam’s property
at those points they are being trained to
take the place of other marines who are
doing sea duty on board of ships. Mean
while they are ready to be called on as
regular troops in ease of riot, fire or
other emergencies. How useful they are
on such occasions will be presently
shown. Whenever there is trouble at
any port where a United States vessel
may be, a force of marines is landed to
restore order and maintain it, just as was
the case only tlie other day at Honolulu.
The headquarters of the Marine Corps
is at Washington. Officers assigned to
this branch of tho e vice on leaving
Annapolis are trained for oue year in a
school at the barracks here before join
ing any ship. They are taught how to
make cartridges, port-fires, signal lights
and rockets, learning also how to manu
facture explosives, fuses, torpedoes aud
other engines of destruction. They are
instructed in the art of preparing and
controlling submarine mines, at the same
time getting un acquaintance with the
uses of red-hot shot. They are drilled
in all sorts of tactics, such as have refer
ence to the crossing of rivers aud thread
ing of defiles in tho presence of the
enemy, as well as night attacks.
They Hnd out bow to build walls with
loop-holes, and acquire a knowledge of
the methods by which tho bundles of
sticks called fascines and gabions are put
together and built in with embankments
of earth to give the latter solidity. Be
sides all this they hear lectures and pass
examinations ou first aids to the injured,
comprising the treatment of tho gunshot
wounds, frost bites, poisoned wounds,
fractures, aud the restoration of persons
partly drowned.
Perhaps the most picturesque feature
of the corps is the Marine Baud. This
band is considered iu a manner to belong
to tbe President of the United Htates. It
is always at his disposal, so that the finest
music is at his command whenever he
cares to listen to it. At White House
receptions it is on hand with its most
melodious strains. Every member of it
must enlist in the ordinary way and serve
five years as a private at sl3 a month,
after which he rnay he promoted through
the grades of first, second and third-class
musician.
Mr. Bousa, who has made his reputa
tion as leader of this musical organiza
tion, was himself a child of the Marine
Band. His father was a member of it,
and he himself was trained iu it as a
small boy. Twenty-five drummers ari l
buglers temporarily attached to the band
are always in training at the barracks
here. They are boys enlisted at tlie age
ot fourteen to sixteen, aud they serve by
enlistment up to twenty-one, when they
are assigned to ships. it is tbeir duty
in tho service to sound the calls to
quarters in the morning, for hoisting or
pulling down the flags, etc., whether ou
shore or on board.
During the cholera scare of last sum
mer tho marines encamped at Sandy
Hook kept guard over the people who
were landed from the infected vessels
aud prevented them from getting away
to spread the plague. Fifty of thorn
were sent from Washington. Within
forty minutes from the receipt of a tele
gram calling for them they had started
by traiu from the Navy Yard. During
tho frightful hurricane at Samoa, which
cost the United States Navy so dear,
United States marines took chargo of
the town of Apia and held control there
until all danger of trouble between the
Germans and Americans was over.
There are actually horse marines in
the service of tho United States, bul
these are merely those officers who are
entitled to ride. If they go on ship
board they do not take their horses
with them. Majors, Lieutenant-Col
onels and Colonels in the corps have
horses.
It is a matter of history that a woman
named Hannah Buell fought for a long
time in thu ranks of tho Royal British
Marines. She was wouuded twelve
times in various actions, and was finally
discharged honorably, her sox boiug un
discovered. Marinos are a very ancient
institution. Suc'.i sea soldiers were
regularly omplcyed on war ships by tho
Greeks and Phou licians five centuries be
fore Christ. They did the fighting
while tho sailors managed the vessels.—
New York Advertiser.
SELECT SIFTINGS.
Ostrich tarmiug thrives In California,
Norway uses a wooden church built in
the Eleventh Century.
An Emporia (Kan.) olocutionist haa
memorized 230,000 verses.
Chain and cable suspension bridges
antedate the Christian Era.
The New Auio aqueduct at Rome,
Italy, was sixty-three miles long.
A Frenchman has written a volume of
200 pages to show that oysters rest tho
brain.
Out of the standing timber In tho
State of Washington 41,300,000 cottages
could be erected.
In 1621 a factory was operated neat
Jamestown, Va., which made glass
beads for tho Indians.
The bronze cents of tho year 1877
have become so scarce that coin dealers
pay a premium on them.
Allie, Elihu and Etida 1 Frank, throe
brothers who live at Castle Hill, Me.,
are said to average seven feet in height,
Twin sisters, Mrs. Ackerman and Mrs,
Christian, of Glen Ellyn, near Chicago,
recently celebrated their ninety-first
birthday.
Mr. and Mrs. David Wells, of North
Coventry, Penn., have been married
lor sixty-three years. They claim to be
the oldest married couple in the State.
The Golconda mines are now ex
hausted. At one time 60,000 men were
employed in them. When the Sultan
Mahmoud, who reigned 1171-1206,
died, ho left iu his treasury over 400
pounds weight of gems from Golconda.
Oue day recently the wife of a Floyd
County (Georgia) furtner presented him
with twin babies. At the same time,
according to tho run of the story, two
goats owned by the farmer gave birth to
two kids each, and a sow produced a lit
ter of seven pigs.
Tho “Sforza Missal,” which Fru Lippo
Lippi, a great Florentine artist, prepared
for G. M. Sforza, Duke of Milan, In tho
Fifteenth Century, is probably tho most
valuable manuscript in this country. It
is in the possession of J. J. Astor, who
paid $15,500 for it.
Thomas Allen, who served under
Wellington in the war with Napoleon,
and under General Scot* in the Mexican
War, and who enlisted at tho age of
seventy-two for service iu tho Civil War,
is still living at the ago of 103 years, in
Tyler County, West Virginia.
Various kinds of vegetables are culti
vated by tho people of Madagascar and
with comparatively little labor. Rico
forms the staple article of consumption,
while manioc, the sweet potato, yams,
arum, beans and earth nuts are among
the articles cultivated to increase and
vary the food supply.
South Australiai Statistics.
South Australian statistics, for 1892,
show that there were 2,533,000 acres oi
land under cultivation, against, 2,650,.
000 acres in 1891. Tno area under wheat
was 1,552,000 acres, as compared with
1,674,000 acres a year before, while the
harvest was bushels, as against
9,400,000 bushels, a decrease of thirty
two per cent. The area cut for hay was
304,000 acres, as against 315,000 acres
in 1891. There arc 12,300 acres, with
7,177,000 vines plauted thereon, an in
crease of nearly 3000 acres and 1,500,-
000 vines during the year. There are
189,000 horses iu the colony, 399,000
horned cattle, 7,646,000 sheep, 82,000
hogs, and 1000 fowls. The. wool ex
ported was 51,562,000 pounds, valued
at $8,100,000. During the current sea
son of 1892 and 1893, South Australia
has been extremely favored, both as to
temperature and moisture; and all crops
promise heavy yields. By cable it is
learned that the wheat harvest has been
immense, and there will boa largo
quantity for export. —American Agricul
turist.
NUMBER 13.
•YOU..
The Chinaman praiseth his Fs,
The mandarin praiseth his Q.
The gardener praisoth his turnips and T’a,
But I praise U.
The mariner loveth the C’s,
The billiardist loveth his Cj,
The husbaudmau loveth his cattle and B’e,
But I love U.
The foolish have need of the Y’s,
The actor needeth his Q,
The pilot hath need of two excellent I's,
But X need U.
The hunters saeketh the J’s,
The shepherd soeketh his CJ;
The college boys seek their dual “B-A’s,”
But ICQ.
—St. Nicholas.
-t—■ — ■ •
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
A curious woman—Ono who is not.—
Life.
A hollow mockery—The woodland
echo.—Truth.
A force pump—The cross-examining
attorney. —Truth.
A limn of the law—Painting the de
fendant black.—Truth.
It is only in school that low grados
mnke uphill work.—Chicago lnter-
Occan.
Nature covers herscll with a piaster
of mud to cure that tired feeling in the
spring.—Puck.
Some men me too mean to be happy
and others too happy to be mean.—
DansvillefN. Y.) Breeze.
“Who is to be chapcronl** “Mrs.
Talkington.” “What foolishness 1 Why,
she is a sulTeror from insoinuia.”
“I wonder why she gave him tho mit
ten I" “Oh, that was natural outcome
of tho yarns lie gavo her!”—Truth.
When a man is “beside himself ho
generally demonstrates that lie doesn’t
like the company.—Boston Courier.
When a woman is trying to write a
letter on a half sheet of paper, much
may be said on both sides. Texas Sift
iugs.
If a womau can succeed in making
her husband proud of hor she can get
almost anything she wants. —Dallas
Nows.
A carpet tack is about the only thing
that has the "big head" and still makes
a success ol life.—Dansvillu (N. Y.)
Breeze.
Where’s tho profit when spring makes
us happy and gay if it make ali tho
microbes feel just tho same ways-r
Washington Star.
The woman of limited means who i»
always well dressed either devotes her
entire income or her entire intellect to
her clothes.—Life.
Mabel—“l wouldn’t marry the best
man in the world.” Jacques—“ Alas,
you have made me the uu happiest of
men.”—Boston Courier.
Every man thinks that modesty for
bids his telling you what he considers
the cleverest thing in the way of a story
ever told. —Washington Star.
Many a womau who resolves when
she is married to makeover her husband,
ends by being content to make over her
bonnets.—Uansville (N. Y.) Breeze.
And now with rod and lino and hook.
The tlsheniian so bold,
Will go and sit down by tho brook
And catch a fearful old.
Kansas City Journal.
“I haven't any of the liquid quality
that musicians talk about,” said the bass
drum, “but 1 can drown out the rest of
the baud, just the same."—Washington
Btar.
Mr». Byer—“Those are nice looking
eggs.” Grocer (enthusiastically)—“Yes,
indeed; they’re birdst" And then be
wondered why she didn’t buy any.—
Troy Press.
“it's curious,” mused Bjorkins, "how
this law of compensation runs through
everything. Foi example, wherever
there iH a well off aunt you will always
lind a sychophant."—Chicago Tribune.
“So I should mnke you very happy by
accepting you, count?" “Happy? Ah,
mademoiselle, I should die wiz zie hap
piness.” “Really, count? You almost
tempt me to say ‘Yes’"—Brooklyn Life.
The pen Is mightier than the sword,
i his maxim let wen people hurl.
Hut take them t>gether and they are no
match
For one pretty typewriter girl.
—Chicagolnter-Oeeau.
At a Dinner Party: Mistress—“ But,
Mury, how often must I tell you always
to serve on tho left?” Mary (from the
country)—“Oil, madam, but isn’t that
ineioly a superstition."—Fligendo Blaet
ter.
“Well, Councillor, 1 hope you en
joyed yourself at my house last evening.”
“Indeed I did, madame. As a rule,
when 1 drink tea I can not sleep after it,
but vour tea had not the least effect on
me." —Fliegende Blaetter.
Hawker—“My wife and I had it out
again this morning as to who should start
the fire.” Jepson—“ Which won?"
Hawker—“ Neither. Before we finished
tho argument became so hot my wife got
up and cooked breakfast on it.”—Troy
Press.
Mrs. Grcyneck “So George is en
gaged!" Mrs. Tangletongue—“Yes;
he'll be married in June.” Mrs. Grey
neck—“l hope he has a young lady in
every way worthy of him." Mrs. Tangle
tongue—“Ob, yes; I think I can safely
say that 1 am satisfied in every way with
his fiasco. ’* —Boston Courier.
Rice was introduced from the East
Indies in P'9s.