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THE HENRY COUNTY WEEKLY.
VOLUME XVI.
Highest of all in Leavening Power.—Latest U. S. Gov’t Report
Mi Kfr
ABSOLUTELY PURE
PROFESSIONAL CARDS.
|JR. 6. P. CAMPBELL,
DENTIST.
McDonough Qi.
Any one desiring work done can ho ao
eomniodated either by calling on me in per
■on or addressing me through the mails.
Terms cash, unless special arrangements
ire otherwise made.
Gao W. Betak | W. T. Dickin.
BRI'AA A lilt MCA,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
McDonough, Ga.
Will practice in the counties composing
the Flint Judicial Circuit, the Supreme Court
of Georgia and the United States District
Court. apr27-ly
| AS. 11. TI'RAIiK,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
McDonouuh, Ga.
Will practice in the counties composing
the Flint Circuit, the Supreme Court of
Georgia, and the United States District
Court. marl 6-1 y
J. REAGAN,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
MoDonough, Ga.
Will practice in all the Courts of Georgia
Special attention given to commercial and
otfceocellections. Will attend all the Courts
it Hampton regularly. Office upstairs over
The Weekly office.
J I\ AV V 1,1,,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
McDonough, Ga.
Will practice in the counties composing I he
Flint Judicial Circuit, and the Supreme and
District Courts of Georgia. Prompt attention
giv in to collections. octs-’79
A. BROWN,
’ ATTORNEY AT LAW,
McDonough, Ga.
Will practice in all the counties compos
ing the Flint Circuit, the Supreme Court ol
Georgia and the United States District
Court. janl-ly
j J A. PEEPLES,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Hami-ton, Ga,
Will practice in all the counties composing
the Flint Judicial Circuit, the Supreme Court
of Georgia and the District Court of the
United States. Special and prompt atten
tion given to Collections, Oet 8, 1888
Jno. D. Ste . art. | R.T. Daniel.
STEWART A DANIEL,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
Griffin, Ga.
jOIIN E» TI E.
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Gate City Natioal Bank Building,
Atlanta, Ga.
Practices in the State and Federal Courts.
THE
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w ox e »l f'of*** to* >
East Tern, Virginia and Georgia Ry
IB THE ONLY
SHORT AND DIRECT LINE
TO THE
NORTH, SOUTH,
EAST AND WEST.
PULLMAN'S FINEST VES
TIBULE SLEEPERS
BETWEEN
ATLANTA & KNOXVILLE
MACON & CHATTANOOGA
BRUNSWICK & ATLANTA
w rnioi r <ll a ><ji„
Direct Connections at Chat
TANOOGA WITH THROUGH
trainsand Pullman Sleep
ers to
Memphis end the West,
nt Unuivtllr willi I’ullmnn
Sleepir* for
WASHINGTON,
PHILADELPHIA,
AND NEW YORK.
SOR FL'RI'HKR INFORMATION ADDRESS,
3. W. WRENN, CMAB. N. KICHT
(,en l. Par. A[%, A. t. I’. A.
KNOXVILLE. ATLANTA
Georgia Midland A Gull'll, It
SOUTH.
I Leave McDonough 7:00 a. m
i Arrive Greenwood 7.27 “
“ Louella 7:25 “
“ Griffin 8:05 “
NORTH.
Leave Griffin 4:00 p. m
Arrive Louella 4:40 “
“ Greenwood 4:48 “
“ McDonough 5:05 “
M. E GRAY, Sun’t
ATLANTA MARKETS.
CORRECTED WEEKLY.
Crocerles.
Coffee —Roasted—Arbnckle's 20.60 10 100 lb.
cases. Lion 20 6t)e; Lcvoring’s 20.610. Green-Ex
tra choice 20o; choice good 19c: fair 18c; com
mon Sugar—Granulated 5% e; on grann
lated —c; powdered 5%c; cut loaf whito
extra C New Orleans yellow claritied
4LJe; yellow extra C 4c. Syrup—New
Oi loans choice 48@50; prime 35t®40c; common
30(3)35c. Molasses—Genuine Cuba
tation 22dt25. Teas—Black 35(a>55c; groen
40t5»00c. Nutmegs 65(a: 70c. Clovoi 25®)30c.
Cinnamon 10@13%c. Allspice 10@llc. Jamai
ca ginger 18c. Singapore peppor 14c; Mace
SI.OO. Rico fair 7/^c; good 6%c; common
sy,(isnc; imported Japan 6 (is7o
Salt—Hawley's dairy $1 B 0; Virginia 70c.
Cheese—Full cream, Cheddars —o; flats
Whito fish, half bids.s4 00; pails 60c.
Soaps—Tallow, 100 bars, 75 lbs $3 00a 3 75;
turpentine, 60 bars, 60 lbs. $225 a 250 ;
Candles —l’arafino 12c; star 10J£c. Matches—
400s $4 00; 300 s #3 00.a3 75; 200 s $2 OOoS 75; 60s,
sgross $3 75. Soda—Kegs, bulk sc; do l lb pkgs
5 Vijc; cases, 1 lb 5%e. do 1 and Vilbs Bc, do Vi lb
6*ic. Crackers—XXX soda XXX butter
XXX pearl oysters 6c; shell and excelsior
7c; lemon cream 9c; XXX ginger snaps 9c; corn
hills 9c. Candy—Assorted stick 6VJc; French
niixoil 12V«c. Canned goods—Condensed milk
$6 00a8 00; imitation mackerel $3 95a4 00; sal
mon $6 00a7 50: F. W. oysters #1 75a ; L.W.
$125; corn $2 50 a 3 50; tomatoes .$l6O.
Ball potash $3 20. Starch—Pearl 4)£c; lump
sc; nickel packages $3 50; celluloid $5 00.
Pickles, plain or mixed, pints $1 OOal 40; quarts
$1 50al 80. Powder—Rifle, kegs *5 00; toga
12 75; % kegs $1 50. Shot $t 70 per sack.
Flour. Grain and Meal.
Flour—First patont $5 50; second patont
$4.75; extra fancy $4.15 ; fancy $4 00 ; family
$3 .54)(354 00. Corn—No. 1 white 67c.
No. 2 white 67 a; mixoil 65c. Oats—
Mixed 42a-c; whito 44c; Kansas rust
proof 51c. Hay—Choice timothy, large bales,
85 No. 1 timothy, large bales, 85c; choice
timothy, small bales, 90c; No. 1 timothy, small
bales, 83c; No. 2 timothv, small bales, 80c.
Meal—Plain 65c ; bolted 58c. Whoat bran—
Largo sacks 8)c, small sacks 82 Cotton
seed meal—sl 10 per cwt. Steam feed—sl.3s
perewt. Grits—Pearl $3.50.
Comilrv Produce.
Eggs Butter—Western creamery
20a22V£c; clioioo Tennessee 16al8o: other grades
!0a12%c. Live poultry—Turkeys per
lb; liens 28 and 30 young chickens
large 18a22VJc ; small spring 10aI5c. Dressed
poultry—Turkeys 18a20c; ducks chick
ens 15a16. Irish p rtatoes, 2.50@2.75 per bbl.
sweet potatoes new—7oa7s per bu. Honey-
Strained 8al0c; in the comb 10al2c. Onions
$2 50 per bbl.
Provisions.
Clear rib sides, boxed &%e, ice-cnrod bellies
10)4e. Sugar-cured hams 13a 15c, according
to brand and average; California break
fast baron !2al2V«e. Lard-I’ure leaf —0
leaf 9% ; refined none.
Cotton.
Market quiet —Middling 09tfn.
LETTER FROM MR.ICLEVELAND
Commending a Colored Democratic
Worker.
Herbert A. Clark, a colored man of
Columbus, Ohio, recently prepard mi ar
ticle in reply to some criticisms on Prc-i
--dent Cleveland, presenting an argument
to show from his standpoint why colored
voters should support the ex president.
Copies of the articles were tent to the
two candidates and Clark is in r. ccipt of
the following acknowledgement:
“I have received your letter of the 21st in
stant with clippings which you enclos' d and
read them with the u'most satisfaction. I am
well satisfied that in time to come your con
sciousness of having done something to benefit,
in a practical way, our colored fellow citizens,
will be abundant compensation for the efforts
yon are making in support of the democratic
eanse. Assuring you that I fully apprec ate
yontexpresseddelermmation to labor for the
success of the democratic principles, I am yours
truly, ‘ Grots* Clkvxland.
CUBAN CIGAR MAKERS
Threaten a Wholesale Exodus from
Hat ana—High Taxes the Cause.
Dispatches oi Friday from Havana
state that an exodus of 16,000 cigar
makers from that city is threatened.
Tnc manufacturers nre in despair because
of the increased taxaiiou which leaves
them little or no margin for profits. The
Florida Land Company has been offering
such inducements for the removal of fac
tories from Cuba to Tampa and Ybor
C'ty that there is little doubt of many
accepting. The employes are all eager
for the change. A majority of li.e em
ployes are in sympathy w th the revolu
tionary movement and would be glad of
a chance to uuite with the clubs, whoso
headquarters are in Ybor City.
Scarlet Fever Epidemic in London.
Official figurrs issued Friday show that
the scarlet lever epidemic that has beeu
raging in London for a long time past
shows no sign of abatement. There were
on Friday in the Metropolitan asylum and
London fever hospitals 3 560 cases of the
disease. With the scarlet fever epidemic
and cholera threatening to become so, it
will readily be seen that the health au
thorities will have their hands full in the
fight with the two disorder*.
The Western Reserve Wreck.
A dispatch from Newbtrry, Mich.,
says; Up to 10 a. m. Friday, but three
bodies had been recovered at the scene of
the wreck of the Western reserve—Cap
tain Minch and a lady supposed to be his
wife and an unknown lady hut partially
clothed as though hurried from her bed
to a yawl boat to escape.
M’DONOUGH. GA.. FRIDAY, SHIFT EM BEK 9, 1892.
time and lovb.
Bly old Time took little Cnptd,
Tied a ’kerchief o’er his eyes;
Turned him round, exclaiming, “Stupid
Tell me where your true love lies.”
Long as moons shall shine abova,
Time will play his tricks on Love.
Cupid, of his power reminded,
Showed old Time what he could do;
And, that though his eyes were blinded,
Yet his heart would guide him true.
Long as suns the heavens shall climb.
Love will foil the trloks of Time.
—Robert Brown, Jr.
MARYS SOLDIER.
ip-?-. W E N T Y -
eight or nine
years ago, dur-
T&Sgiv/l ing latter part of
the war, I was sta-
A tioned in New York,
VvißßAv# detailed as Inspector-
General to raise a bri
-3m successful, aud my
camp of instruction
• iallfl contained fair ma -
*'■'*s?terial. It was a few
miles distant on
Jersey soil.
One afternoon, while I was resting in
my quarters after the fatigues of a hot
day, an orderly brought mo the un
pleasant tidings that my camp was in au
uproar. The nicu refused to obey or
ders, and open violence impended. The
pay was in arrears through some red tape
delay. The men were poor and their
families were suffering.
I dressed myself carefully in full un
iform, hastened over the ferry and soon
reached the high board fence which en
circled the encampment. From within
came a confused rumble like the portend
of a storm. I approached the wicket. It
was locked. I peered through tho lat
tice. Thero was tho sentry, sure
enough; but with what a difference!
His musket leaned against a post. Ho
sullenly slouched up and down with
hands in pockets, in no wise heeding my
presence. I would like to have shot that
man, but I was bound and braced with
self-control.
“Attention!” I commanded sharply.
Tho man stared, then straightened,
seized his musket, presented, aud stood
as a soldier.
“Open that gate!”
He obeyed at once, and I passed
through and marched quickly forward.
All over the field were knots of men,
shouting, gesticulating, fiercely ha
ranguing. Here and there wore a few
officers arguing and pleading in vain.
The majority, however, sat dejected I
within their tents. It was a most dis
tressing sight for a true soldier.
I approached the first group of about
200 frenzied men. A captain was just
leaving them, pursued by taunts and
jeers. He was an insignificant man,
with a repulsivo face; naturally pom
pous in bearing, hut now thoroughly
cowed. Y'et as he saw me he assumed a
certain uneasy bravado.
“Captain Johnson, at your service,
sir," he answered, as he saluted.
“What does this mean?” I asked.
“They are fiends incarnate, General,”
he exclaimed, as he glanced over his
shoulder. “They will murder us all
and ravage the town. Oh, what shall
you do!”
“I shall form the men."
“Impossible. Why, that’s just what
I’ve been trying; but—”
“Silence, sir.”
As I reached the mob I noticed one
face alone which expressed respect or
sympathy. All others bore a look of
malevolence. A young soldier, well set
up and scrupulously neat, seemed to he
attempting to dissuade his comrades
from some mad project. He was a line
looking fellow, with a long, light mus
tache and bright, blue eyes, from which,
as I say, I caught a flash of admiration.
I drew my sword and stood upright
and motionless before the men.
“Attention, menl Fail in!” I com
manded.
There was a hesitation, a momentary
huddlmg together, and then they ar
rayed themselves.
“Present arras 1 Carry arms! Order
arms! Parade rest!” I ordered, and
they obeyed.
Behind me stood a knot of wondering
officers.
“How do you dare!" I began. Then
arose a growl from the ranks. ‘We want
our right. We'll get them, too. We
demand our pay. We won’t stnnd such
treatment. Our wives, our children are
starving.”
“Silence!” I warned them. “Not
another word. If you have grievances,
if you have complaints, send them
through the proper channel and they
shall be heard and allayed, I promise
you. Men, I’m ashamed of you. While
your comrades are in the field facing
privation and danger and death lor the
glory of that old flag which you have
only just sw'orn to defend, you, for a
trifling delay which the throes of our
Government should excuse, dare to mur
mur and revolt. Out upon such soldiers!
Do you know what you risk! Do you
appreciate that I have but to step to that
telegraph and the regulars will surround
you and rake with an enfilad
ing fire! Do you long to serve your
country at Dry Tortugas! Have a care,
or there you shall be sent, weighed with
the contempt of all loyal men. Officers,
to your posts 1 There will he a review
presently.”
“Three cheers for the. General!”
shouted the clear voice of the blue
eyed recruit as I turned away, and
they were given with a will.
So I went through that camp, speak
ing as I never had spoken. Inwardly
overwrought with excitement, but out
wardly the cold, distant personification
of discipline. Within two hours 1 had
that brigade formed in a hollow square,
and (rom its centre I renewed ©y threats
and a)y promises. They were effective.
Reason returned to the men, and with it
came shame. What had looked like a
dangerous outbreak aas quelled by moral
force.
As I left the parade I met Captain
Johnson.
“By-the-way, Capte a” I asked, ,4 wh»
is that bright-looking young soldier of
yours who seemed to be resisting tho
madness of the men!” The Captain
scowled quite unnecessarily.
“That’s Thomas Browne,” ho an
swered moodily. “He doesn’t amount to
much.”
I am certain you don’t, I reflected as I
returned to the city.
A month passed by. Discipline had
done its perfect work. The mob had be
come a well-drilled brigade. The men
had received their arrears, and were
eager to wipe out disgrace aud to achieve
renown in action. The order for their
advance was expect it daily. I sat in my
quarters in this city, alone and idle, for
my duty had boon fulfilled, and I was
about to report at Washington. Tho
door opened, and a tall, slender young
woman, neatly dressed, stood before
me. Her face was pallid; her large
black eyes skoire intensely.
“Oh, sir," she exclaimed, “save my
soldier 1 He said that you might,” and
she sank in a chair by my side weeping
and moaning and wringing her fragile
hands m a manner most pitiable to be
hold.
“But, my dear madam,” I expostula
ted sternly, “this won’t do at all. If you
wish my aid you must be calm and sen
sible. Tell me who yon are, who your
soldier is, and what you want.”
My severity succeeded as I intended it
should. She was a stout-hearted little
thing, and she gulped down her sobs,
aud in a moment sat upright and tran
quil.
“I beg your pardon,” she said gently,
and I felt like a brute. “My name is
Mary Graeme, and—and I’m engaged to
Thomas Browne. He’s my soldier, you
know; and he’s in the camp over in New
Jersey.”
“Thomas Browne!” Oht I remem
bered. “Yes, ray dear, I replied. A fine
looking young fellow, with bright, blue
eyes, I think.”
“Oh, such bonny eyes, so tender, so
truel And they speak his nature, be
lieve me. I know him so well; we were
little children together. He has been
placed undor arrest, sir, and is to be
tried before tho court-martial now in
session.”
“For what offense!”
“He was a sentry, sir, and was found
asleep on his post.”
Phew 1 Here was -a pretty mess in
deed for the young recruit.
“My dear child, I responded gravely,
this is a most serious matter. Asleep on
his post of duty in tho faco of the en
emy 1 Why, it may cost him his life 1
And at the very time, too, when there
has been a revolt hr cue camp and the
court feels the necessity of a stern ex
ample.”
As I spoko the poor child wavered
like a rare pale lily in a storm. But she
remembered my warning, though her
eyes streamed aud her hands strained in
their grasp.
“Oh, sir, hut he isn’t guilty, the poor
boy. Think how tired he was. Up the
whole night; ordered on duty agaiu the
moment he was relieved. It was in
human. No wonder he dozed without
knowing it."
“But—”
“Ob, sir, I know what you would
say: It couldn’t be. But it was. The
Orderly Sergeant has always hated him.
On the day before ho had ordered Tom—
excuse me, sir, Thomas—when he was
off duty to clean the equipments of an
other soldier, which Thomas refused to
do.”
“He was perf«tly right there.”
“So Thomas says. Besides he was
expecting to see me. But that night
when he came off his post, oh, so tired,
the Sergeant ordered him right on again
to take the place of the soldier whose
arms ho wouldn’t clean.”
“If this is so, no court will punish
him for falling asleep.”
“I’m so delighted. That’s what Thom
as said he knew you would say. But he
didn’t mean to—oh, no, indeed. He’s so
ashamed; when he has been so anxious
to distinguish himself for me.” Aud
here a blush deepened through poor
Mary’s cheeks.
“He shall have the chance, never fear.
But why didn’t you go to his Captain!
Does be know theso facts!”
Again Mary blushed and far less tran
siently. Her fingers picked her dress
uneasily.
“Captain Johnson,” she faltered.
“Ho doesn’t like Tom; he—he—likes
me.”
“Oh ho.” Here was a little drama.
I recalled the Captain’s repulsive face
and sullen ways, and I recognized the
viilain’s part.
“Besides,” she continued, “the Or
derly is his brother-in-law.”
“And he tells a fur different story, I
suspect.”
“Indeed, yes; there is no hope for
Thomas from either of them.”
“Well, my dear, save your tears and
keep a stout heart. I like your
soldier, and I like you. I believe tho
story and you shall have my aid. But
be cautious and secret. Tho court is
now in session, you say?”
“Yss, sir; all this week. But Thom
as’s case was only reached this afternoon
just before adjournment."
“Then I must act at once. Good-bye
now; you may rely on me.” And with
a God bless you, wbi:h it seems as if I
could feel even now, the girl withdrew.
Yet with a sudden inspiration I called
alter her, “What is the name of the sol
dier whose place Thomas took?”
“Joseph Brant.”
Here surely was a difficult situation.
The Sergeant hostile, the Captain vin
dictive, what hepe gleamed for Mary’s
soldier? Yet I followed the inspiration.
The proof, if I only could get the proof 1
It existed, unless cunning had destroyed
it. Again I arrayed myself in full fig.
Again I hastened over the ferry to tho
camp. I sought the Sergeant's tent and
J found hi© within and alone. “Too
stupid to be provident,” was my mental
glance. “Sergeant, vour detail book,
at once” I commanded. The man srared
and gaped, and then handed it to me
without a word.
I went to a retired spot. I turned
the pages with trembling fingers. Ah,
fata had favored me. Thero was the
record for the night in question, and
among the reliefs I didn't find tho name
of Thomas Browne, but I did find that
of Joseph Brant.
Then I Yisited the Judge Advocate, a
friend of mine, a fine fellow, now a
Supreme Court Judge of this State.
“What sort of a man is Captain John
son ?” I asked.
My friend shrugged his broad shoul
ders.
“Hum!” he replied. “With all there
is back of him he ought to get the single
star in six months.”
“Influence, hey?”
“Great. But why do you ask!”
“You needn’t go nny further, old fel
low ; your scruples reveal more thau they
eonceal. But to change tho subject. I
am going to put a hypothetical case to
you, and I want you to tell me just how
you would act regarding it.” And I de
tailed tho facta of Mary’s soldier’s
troubles, using, of course, assumed
names.
The Judge Advocate deliberated. “A
difficult and delicate matter,” be said.
“The man is innocent, but lie would be
condemned. The sentence would be
commuted on review; still his career
would be ruined. I thiuk I should do
this: I should lay these insulo facts con
fidentially before the President of the
court. Then, if he approved, at the next
session I should announce that tho main
witness, the Officer of tho Day, was ab
sent—and ho would be, too. And in
view of the stress of other business, and
of grave doubts of the defendant's cul
pability, I should ask that tho case bo
dismissed.”
“You would surely do this!”
“Certainly. It would be tho quickest
and most prudent way out of a nasty
rush.”
“Then listen, old fellow.” And I ox
plained my parable to him. “Aud hero's
tue proof,” I said, in conclusion, aud I
showed him the Sergeant’s detail book.
“The villains 1" he exclaimed. “I’ll
stick to my word, never fear. It’s tho
wisest course, too. At this present cri
sis tho friends of that Captain must not
be offended. His time may como. But
that Sergeant should be punished iu
some way.”
“Leave that to me. He shall lose his
Chevrons, I promise you."
“Very well. I’m off to sec the Presi
dent.”
The next morning came, the court
convened. Mary was present, anxious
yet hopeful, with her gaze fixed ou tho
erect, manly form of her soldier. So,
too, were the Captain aud tho Sergeant
in attendance, the former exuliant, the
tatter secretly worried. But I looked in
vain for the Officer of tho Day.
The Judge Advocate was faithful to
his rehearsal aud letter-perfect iu his
part.
“I do, therefore, suggest,” ho said iu
conclusion, “that this charge against
Private Thomas Browuo bo dismissed,”
“ThiiTseems a proper disposition,"
said tho President. “I think so,” said
eacli officer, from tho junior to the
senior; and Thomas Browne left tho
courtroom a free mau, with the devoted
Mary clinging to his arm.
I caught Captain Johnson as he was
sneaking away with a white, scared face.
“Captain,” I said, “I learned tho truth
of this matter, and I am responsible for
this ending. You’ve had a lucky escape.
Now, maik my words. Y r ou will reduce
that Orderly Sergeant to the ranks forth
with. He won’t appeal to the Colonel,
nor will the Colonel question the act.”
“I will do so, sir,” he murmured, as
he hung his head and went to his
quarters. I never saw him again, hut
after the war, at Washington, I met
Mary, a happy bride, with her soldier,
and on his broad shoulders shone the
insignia of a Major.—New York Times.
Apples.
For those who use their brains the
apple is au especially proper article of
diet, and for nervous people aud those
suffering from any weakness of the spine
for apples contain more phosphorus than
nny other known fruit or vegetable, and
this phosphorus is admirably adapted for
renewing the essential nervous matter of
the brain and spinal cord. The acids of
the apple are also ot signal use for those
persons of sedentary habits whoso livers
are sluggish in action, these acids serv
ing to eliminate from tho bony noxious
matters which, if retained, render tho
brain heavy and dull, or fetch eruptions
to the surface of the »kiD, bring ou jau
dice or like troubles.
When eating meats richly cooked, one
should accompany such dishes with
plenty of apple sauce, as it will neutral
ize any excess of chalky matter engen
dered by eating too much meat. For
sour stomach, too, the apples should bo
enten, as its salt and juices are converted
int) alkaline carbonates, which tend to
counteract acidity.—American Fanner.
Frightful Skulls.
There are in the National Museum at
Washington several skulls of tho Flat
head Indians of the Northwest, which
are the most extraordinary objects in
that line ever seen. These Indians pro
duce the peculiar deformity which gives
them a name by tying fiat boards on the
heads of their children, and to such an
extent is the pressure carried that the
skull just above the eyebrows is the
most promiuent and highest part of the
head. The effect must have been fright
fully savage, for the skulls more nearly
resemble those of apes than of human
beings, the whole of tho brain being
compressed into the back portion while
there is no forehead worth mentioning,
and the skull is so broad as to be shock
ingly out of proportion. Nevertheless,
it does not appear, from what travelers
say of these people, that their minds arc
in anv way affected by the distortion of
their skulls, for in most respects they are
said to be equal or superior to other In
dians.,—Boston Trans oript.
A London publisher is going to re
produce the first folio 1683 edition of
Shakespeare by means of photography.
BUDGET OF FUN.
—
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
V .VIIIOUS SOU HC MS,
Always lieinlixleil ot It—" Except
One”—Already Prepared Two
Kinds ot Solid Water—His
Usual Weapon, Etc.
As we travel through life many things are
forgot,
’Midst, its worry and bustle and fret;
But we're never allowed to forget that it’s
hot
While our friends are beside us, you bet?
—New York Press.
ALREADY PREPARED.
Milkman—“l’m glad my milk suits
the baby.” .
Mother—“ Yes; the doctor advised
me to food it ou milk aud water.”—Now
York Sun.
“EXCEPT ONE."
Ilaggams—“All the world loves a
lover.”
Hartly—“lt does, does it? May be
you think so, but you don’t know my
girl’s father,” —Boston News.
HIS USUAL WEAPON.
Magistrate—“ You ought to bo
ashamed of yourself I The idea of your
hitting your wife with a flat-iron I”
Prisoner (aggrlovedly)—“Well, the
poker was broke."—Pick Me Up.
VERY WRONG.
“You did wrong to call Dawson a
flannel-mouth duffer.”
“Well, isu’t he!”
“Of course he isn't. Flnnnel sill inks,
and Dawson’s mouth never doe3.”—-
Judge.
TWO KINDS OP SOLID WATER.
“I suppose,” said Miss Biecckcr to
her friend from Cincinnati, "that you
boil your river water bofore using it?”
“Well, no," replied Miss Buckeye.
“Our usual custom is toslico It thiu aud
fry it.’’—Life.
RUTHLESSLY EJECTED.
Wayfarer—-“Excuso mo, iny friond,
but I am making deductions as to the
progress of the manufacturing iuterests.
What arc you turning out now?”
Manufacturer—“ltineruut uuisaucos.
Gitl”—Boston Oourior.
SWORN TO OKLEBACY.
Bellows—"I should think you would
begin to think about getting married.”
Breeze—“Oh, I have. I’vo givou it
i great deal of thought.”
Bellows—“ Well, when does the event
come off?”
Breeze—“Never!”—Boston Courier.
A CAPACIOUS MOUTH.
Fogg—“For goodness sake, howmucli
more of that salad are you going to eat ?
You’ve put away half a gallon of it al
ready.”
Feudeison—“Nonsense I I'vo only
eaten a mouthful."
Fogg—“That’s what I said.”—Boston
Transcript.
PRESSED HIM TOO CLOSELY.
Father—“ Robert, I understand you
were absent from school yesterday.”
Robert (alias Bobbie) —“Father, lean
not tell a lie; I played along tho road
until it was too late to go.”
Father—“ What were you playing?”
Robert (blubberingover)— “Hookey.”
—Chicago News-Record.
SNARLEIGH WAS SARCASTIC.
Cadmann—“l see no reason why I
should join tho Washington Club.
Snarlcigh—“Nor do I except that if
you were a member, it would be in your
power to tnako all the other four hundred
members feel extremely happy.”
Cadmann—“How would it?”
Bnarleigh—“You could resign.”—
The Club.
A FAMILIAR SUBJECT.
Wife (after returning from church)
“You should have been in church this
morning. Wc had a beautiful sormon.”
Husband—“l’ll bet you can’t repeat
the text.”
Wife—“ Yes, I can. It was the tenth
verse of the sixteenth chapter of Eze
kiel; ‘I girded thee about with fine
linen, and I covered thee with silk.’ ”
Husband—“ Huh! it is no wonder you
remember it."—Brooklyn Life.
HE DREW THE LINE AT SNIGGERS.
“Sniggers has got religion and is to
be taken ffito the membership of the
church next Sunday."
“Then I leave.”
“Why so?”
“Free salvation Is all very well, even
when it does bring every Tom, Dick and
Hurry into the church, but 1 draw the
line at Sniggles.”
“Why?”
“lie sold me a horse once.”—Now
York Press.
AN UNFORTUNATE ADMISSION.
Johnnie had come home late and was
being questioned as to how be bad been
spending his time.
“So that little boy next door climbed
the ladder and grew scared when he got
at the top,” queried the father, “and you
went to help him down?”
“Yes, father,” assented Johnnie.
“What made you so long about it?”
“Because,” responded the reluctant
Johnnie, “it had taken nearly half an
hour for me to coax him to go up.”—
New York Sun.
A WONDERFUL SON.
Fussy Old Gentleman—“ Have you any
children?”
“Yes, sir; a son.”
“4b! Does he smoke?”
“No, sir; he has never touched a
cigarette."
“Does he frequeat the clubs?”
“He has never put his foot In one."
“Does he como home late?”
SINGLE COPY 5 CENTS.
“lie goes to bed directly after din
ner. ”
“A modal young man, madam. U*W
old is he?”
“Just two months.” _ «
HAD TAKES IT.
Railway King—“Wlmt do you think
I need, doctor, to set me up again!"
Doctor—“ Well, I think a little iron
will help you.”
Railway King- “Good. I gobbled up
a whole railroad system last week.”—
Truth.
. v i
IIAURY S TURN NOW 1 .
Johnny, aged four, and Harry, aged
live, had been left at home with their
sister, mother having gone out.
When bedtime came they wanted to
stay up for mother, and it was hard
work to get them to bed. Harry main
tained a stolid indifference, but Johnny
cried lustily.
Their sister listoned at the bottom of
the stairs, hoping that they would soon
bo good.
At last Johnny stopped, and the
listener heard him say:
“You cry, Harry. I’m tired.”
HOW YOUNG HOUBEKEEI-EUS I.KARN. 1
“You charge tifteen ceuts for these
berries, while up street two blocks t'aey
are selling the same fruit at teu cents.
How is this?”
And the young housewife looked
scarchingly at the dealer with her keen
gray eyes.
The man faltered an instant and then,
boldly meeting the sharp orbs of the
inquirer, replied iuatirm voice: “ These
are band-picked berries, madam!” |
“I beg your pardon,” she said meekly.
“That being the case, giv> mo three
quarts, please!"—Detroit Free Press.
■ 1
BCOnE ONE FOR TUB I KDAGOGUE.
‘“You have some tine ducks this morn
ing," said the kindly old schoolmaster
to a poulterer.
“Yes, sir, all fresh to-day."
“What is the price?”
“You can take your choice, sir. I
have them at all prices.” j
“Well, I want to give my boys a treat,
but I do not wunt them to bo too tender.
There are a dozen here—pick out four of
the toughest."
The poulterer obeyed. “Hare, sir,
you have four of the toughest birds iu
my shop.”
“Thank you, sir,” said the school
master; “I'll take the other eight.”—
Cinciuuati Commercial Gazette.
Aii Incident of Bismarck’s Youth.' -j
It is porhaps not generally known tliaf
when he was a young man Bismarck was
for some time an official reporter for ono
of the courts of justice, says the Chicago
Mail. In those days his temper got the
best of him, hut upon one occasion at
least his wit saved him from disgrace.
This was when questioning a witness the
latter made an imprudent retort, where
upon Bismarck exclaimed angrily:
“If you are not more respectful I
shall kick you out of the court room.” ,
“Young man," said tho Judge inter
rupting the Proceedings, “1 would have
you understand that this is a dignified
court of justice, and that if any kicking
is to bo done the Court will do it.”
“Ah, ycu see,” said Bismarck to the
witness, “if you are not more respectful
to mo the Court will kick you out of the
room, so be very careful —very careful,
sir."
Snako Preserves in India. j
A contemporary remarks that, iu spitt
of the large sums paid every year in
India as rewards for the destruction of
poisonous reptiles, the latter seem to be
as numerous as ever, no lass than 800
persons having been killed in the Pun
jnub last year by snake bites. Our con
temporary suggests that the prevalence
of snakes may be attributed partly to the
Mussulman prejudice agaiust swine and
to tho British love of pig sticking.
Snakes and hogs cannot live together,
and, in the struggle for existence, it is
the hogs that survive. On the whole,
we should be more incliued to attribute
the snakes to the high rewards that are
oifered for their destruction. Tho wily
native is quite capable of keeping pre
serves of them aud thus earning a dis
honest and rather risky livelihood.—
London Globe.
Before the Time of Bells.
Before bells came into uso various in
struments were used to summon congre
gations to worship. In Egypt they are
said to have followed a Hebrew custom
in tiling a trumpet. In some oriental
churches a kiud of rattle gave the signal.
In monasteries, monks took it in turn to
go around the cells, calling the inmates
to their devotions by knocking with a
hammer. This was called the “night
signal," or the “awakening instrument."
Bells are said to have been invented by
Paulinus, Bishop of Nola in Campania,
who lived in the latter part of the fourth
century. This, however, is doubted.
They were unknown in the eastern
church until the year 865, and were first
introduced into the Latin church in 604.
I hey were common in France as early
as tho eighth century.—Detroit Flee
Press.
]
Decimating the Woodpecker.
In some parts ot the South the jfeople
have a novel way of decimating what
they deem a pest. The black red-headed
woodpecker, in their opinion, does
material damage to certain trees, and the
following is the inexpensive method they
adopt fi* his destruotioD. A pole is
lashed to a tree or stuck into the ground
for the pecker to alight on. When he
does, a sharp blow is given the pole at
tbo foot witu a «lub or axe upon the side
on which the bird is. He drops stone
dead. Brooklyn Gitiaen.
A dog at Yardley, Penn., saw a bass
in the river, and, leaping in, frightened
the fish so that it fled to the shore, where
it was grabbed by the dog’s master.