Newspaper Page Text
CEASER PERKINS.
Caesar Perkins was the /a«t negro
member of the Virginia legislature.
Caesar was black—very bUck. Not a
•drop of white blood coursed through
his veins. Just before the expiration
of hia term Caesar scored the Demo*
•crau in a humorous speech for their
.failure to keep a campaign promise
to submit the prohibition question to
the voters of the State.
"Yawl Democrats/ ’ be sald~-for
•Caesar was untutored and expressed
himself in genuine darky dialect—“is
'"bout ter let dls Assembly break up
^rldont kecpln* yo* promts' ter pass on
•do ticker question. You was mighty
pert ter promis' 'fo' de lection, an' f
ipeck X kin spin a yarn right here
▼hat'll 'splain btzneas for de gatls*
ifaction of de people. Yo* capers
'brings ter mid' mouai'ua forcible do
/story ur de cat an' de rat.
“Dat tale wae tor ter me in ol’ Cum*
' berlan* county, down on Jeema'e Riv
er, when 1 wasn't nowbar near bein’
grow’d up. It runs tout like dls:
“One time dar was a big tub er
licker eettln’ out in de barnyard. ▲
rat come outer his hoi’ an’ 'gun ter
trutse *roun* de place. He seed dat
tub, an* he smell Bumpin', he didn't
"Jcno* what. He kep’ on nosin' 'roun*
twel fus* thing be knoWd he was on
de rim er de tub. ffe crawl 'roun' an'
"roun*, and fall right smack inter dat
4ub er licker. Try hard as be could
lie couldn* git out. It looked like de
Jig wot up wid 'lm, sho’. He make a
mighty npulttcratlon, but ’twan't no
use. Dar ho was, an* dar it seem as
If ho gwlneter stay.
“Des tout dat time a cat come
'long th'oo do barnyard. Mr. Cat
heorQ de splashin' In do tub. an' bein’
a gemman of much curiosity he tuk
an' far up on his hln’ feet to soe
what de dacket was Boon's he seed
-de nice, fat rat in dar Mr. Cat fa'rly
grinned. Mr. Rat ntng out. he did,
'Howdy. Mr. Cat? Dls la a mighty
plckie I'se In. But It seem much mo*
natchul ter me ter be et up by you dan
*.ter git drownded in dls nasty tub er
i whisky; an' ef you'll git me outer
dia you kin eat mo ter yo' dinner.'
“De cat take de rat out, but as Mr.
Hat was des drlppln' wld licker he
nay tor hlsse’f 'It won't never do for
*no ter tackle 'lm while he's so aoak*
ed. an* I reckon I’ll dea fotch Mm out
In der aun an’ lot Min dry off good.'
After ho done toted Mm nway ho aot
•dar watchln* an' thlnkln' wnat a nice
dinner he gwlneter have. De sun
ahtno so warm de cat fall fas’ tor
. ■loop.
"Mr. Rat, he 'skivered dat. so he
•rope off right easy, an* 'twan't long
•fo' he was In his hoi' safe an' soun*.
TO© cat wake up. look 'roun’ au’ say:
• 'III! Whar my rat? I sho'ly had
•im her® 'fo' I fell ersleep/
“Den he go ter de hole an’ sing
out, 'Heyo, Mr. Rat Is you In dar?*
"'Oh, yes,' hollered back the rat;
‘"•n* dea 'bout ter take a nap.'
“ ‘Coma out a few mlnlts/ says Mr.
Cat.
“ ‘Cant right now/ says Mr. Rat.
“‘But. Mr. Rat. you 'members yo*
•promts' ter me/ says Mr. Cat.
'"What I promis' your says Mr.
Hat.
“'You aald ef I tuk you outon dat
tub I might eat you tor my dinner/
“'Oh. pehaw! Mr. Cat! You sho’ly
mus' be Jokin’. You aln* '•pectin* ter
bol me ter dat, U you? Why. man. I
was In licker when I made you dat
.■promis’.'
“An. I tell yon, feller member*.*
-concluded Caesar Perklne. “It »u de
-name wld de Democrat. In de cam*
-palm When der promleed ter hare
de local option question aubmlttod
■ter de people day w»e In licker. too."
—Philadelphia Poet.
JAWS TWO FEET LONG.
Head ol Monster Unearthed by Work,
man in England Recently.
An Interesting discovery of the re
mains of a prehistoric animal baa been
made near Peterborough, England.
While engaged In some excavations at
a depth of twenty feet In the clay,
some workmen alighted upon the huge
head of a monster of the alligator
typo. The Jaws were two feet In
length, and wero flrmly clinched to
gether by the presence of the earth
through countless years. The bones/
however, were In an excellent state
of prestnratioD. The creature has b «n
determined to be a momber of the
•teneosaurus family. Other interest-
ing remains of a similar nature hare
also been unearthed la the same dis
trict
Tree That Whistles.
A ipecles of acacia which growa
very abundantly In Nubia and the
Soodan Is called the “whistling tree”
by the natives. Its shoots are fre
quently distorted In shape by the
agency of larvae or Insects and swol
len Into a globular bladder from one
to two inehts In diameter. After the
Insoct has emerged from a circular
hole In the side of this swelling, the
opening,-played upon by the wind, be
comes a musical Instrument sugges
tive of a sweet-toned flute. The whist
ling tree Is also found in the West
About nil the snbnrbanlte raises IS
his garden la blisters.
8omo men's tdcss of charity is to
contribute to a campaign fund.
The now woman was a failure be
cause there were no new men to
match.
The average man has a bettor opin
ion of himself than the I-ord has of
him.
It Is easier for »n orator to make s
speech than It Is for the speech to
make him.
When n man flatters you put on
your spectacles and look around for
the ax he has to grind.
No Cordelia an Indulgent husband
doesn't always come home early.
Sometimes ho’s too full to get home.
After walking home from the race
track a man la in the humor to sneer
at his wife for taking chances on the
prize cake at a church fair
Swim Acreaa Atlantic.
The whales that awlm about the
Inlands which llo olf the coast of Nor
way and Finland, In March and April,
travel Immenso distances. In May
they turn up at the Axorca or even at
the Bermudas and sometimes pay a
visit to the Antilles. They swim fast,
tor la June they are back again off
Norway. 8ome of then* whalea have
been known to bring back evldencea
of where they have been, for harpoons
of the peculiar kind used oB the coast
of South America have been found
stuck In them.
Th* Sky* Crofter*.
During the crofter disturbances In
8kye a British gunboat was stnt up
to Portree, having on board, among
other people, tha shorts of Invernese-
shlre, Mr. Ivory. A clergyman who
sympathised with tha croftan took
for his taat on tha following Sunday
tha words from King* 10:M: "Once la
three years earn* tha navy of Tar-
shtsh. bringing Ivory and span and
peacocks."
•Th* Philadelphia Telegraph" re- |
cords the following old (iermtn story
which Is wsll worth repest Ing: A
father, when hi* daughter became a
bride, gave her a golden casket, with
the Injunction not to piss It Into other
hands for It held s charm which In
her keeping would be of Insetimablo j Mveral^Inches tn lcngtt. Th* rtn*. 1 *
value to her as the mistress of ‘ — » •" w "“ m * * "
Seven Inch Estsnslon Ring.
A Philadelphia girl baa what It ap
parently an ordinary tour-coil aerpant
ring. It Is, however, provided with an
Inflnltesimnl number of tiny Joint*
which ar* only dlacarnnble upon the
closest examlnstlon but which permit
tha ring to b* extended Into a spiral
.house.
Nut only was she to hare tha en-
. dire car* of It but abe was to take It
-every morning to the cellar, tha hitch-
wo. the dining room, the library, tha
bedroom, and to remain with It In
ouch place for Are minutes, looking
carefully about Attar th* laps* of
three year*, tha father was to sand th*
key. that tha secret talisman might be
revealed.
Th* key wan seat Th* casket waa
-opened. It waa found to contain an
-old parchment on wkteh war* written
ghee* words: Tha cyan of th* Bla
mes* ar* worth oat haodrtd pain of
•arrants* hands."
The wist father knew that a prac
tice of Inspection followed faithfully
for three year* would breams a habit
and be MM perpetuated—that tha gold-
•a casket and th* hidden charm would
Jbart accomplished their mission.
over 10 years old and was made In
Franco.
DefinSiT^rXpVehe^ J *
When Delegate 8mlth waa repre
senting Arison* In Cuagms*. In order
to Influence legislation ho gave Con
gress the following statesmanlike In
formation:
"The Apache Indians can no mors
be civilized than can th* rattlesnake*
upon which h* lives."
We hat* Just visited th* Apaches In
-Arizona, and th* mpartatandant of th*
reservation school told us th* Apaches
-do not arm kill snakes, much lass aat
them, and that noma time ago a few of
hi* boya warn out on th* aid* a* tha
mountain sad Mod a Inigo sasra.
t Having hoard that white mem always
A Tiny Boat of Paari.
A Jeweler In Turin has mad* a tiny
boat of n single pearl. The bull la
finely shaped, and might serve as a
modal tor a racing sloop, th* anil 1*
of beaten gold, studded with dia
monds. and th* binnacle light Is a
perfect ruby. An emerald serves as Its
rudder, and its stand Is a slab ol
Ivory. IU weight Is leas than an
ounce. and it Is aald to bar* coat
14.000.
Petrified Milk in Austria.
In the making of petrified milk or
galaltth. In Austria, *0,000 quarts of
skimmed milk ar* used dally. Th*
casein Is precipitated by chemicals
and mix ad with formalin. This pro
duct la used ns n substitute for horn,
turtle shell. Ivory, celluloid, marble,
amber, and hard rubby,_ .
Alaska Net as Daaolatr.
Alaska did **0,000.000 worth of trad*
with Pacific coajt cities la n single
year, dug 110,000,006 of gold, caught
*1,000,000 worth of salmon, turned
out coal enough to prove herself self-
supporting In fuel, kept two tank
ship* busy exporting petroleum and
operated at least too (teamen on th*
rtikoa.
Quinine In India.
Th* Inhabitants- of malarious re
gions la India eta now purchase qui
nine at practically coat price. It U
put up ta assail packages by th* gov
ernment and sold at tha rate of 1 cant
tor ten grains.
Thar* an aald to b* U0 glacier* la
th* Alps ont aw* mow ta laagth.
There was no denying that Mrs.
Hulbert had "nerves” in an aggra
vated form. When there waa abate
lutely nothing to worry about It
worried her most of all—and when
woman gets to that stago ttbe It hope
less.
Therefore the state she was la when
she decided to Join - some friends at a
lummer resort and to shut up her Hat
can roadlly be Imagined. I would be'
left alone, at the merer of house
breakers and thieves. To be sure,
there was Mr. Hulbert, but as be was
a traveling man and borne only at
brief intervals he did not count in
the least
Mrs. Hulbert’s Imagination being
good she saw her flat In various forms
of topsy-turviness Immediately after
her departure, rilled of bric-a-brac
and rugs and completely despoiled
of valuables. She had no doubt tha
eager burglars were even then hover-
lag around near corners feverishly
waiting for her to get out of sight
before pushing Id to seise the spoils.
She bent all ber energies to fall them.
The silver she took down to the
bank, hiring a oab at the oost of
*3.
Her furs wero stored and she de
scended on two friends in the build-
ins with a petition that they would
take charge of her oriental rugs dur
ing her absence. Several choice
pieces of pottery also sho distributed
about the habited put of the building
and when she had finished It marau
ders had succeeded tn getting in they
would have been confronted by a
choice between the gas range and
heavy furniture.
With her temperament, however,
this waa not the slightest comfor' to
Mrs. Hulbert. She thought of all
sorts of schemes which she confided
to every ono as each struck her. The
back windows had burglar catcbes and
could not be raised. Of course, the
glass might be cut out, but she must
ohance that. After bolting' the hack
door she moved the refrigerator
against that No one but a human fly
could soale the front wall and enter
by the parlor windows, but the front
door bothored her. It could not bo
bolted, as In that, case she herself
would be reduced to departing by a
rope ladder, which was out of the
quostlon. She concluded to leave the
FELL IN LINE*
And Irish Wit Saved Him from Flnt
or Imprisonment.
On a recent morning some 30 prie*
oners were lined up for hearings, and
included in the bunch were several
Chinamen. As the long line slowly
moved toward the magistrate as case
after case was disposed of the celes
tials finally came to the front The en
suing dialogue did not differ mater
ially from those of other cases and
was as follows:
"What’s your name?” by the magli*
trate.
“Ah Sin,” from the prisoner.
Questions aa to the residence and
occupation of the prisoner followed*
and then this;
"You are charged with being drunk
and making a disturbance down on
9th street’’
"Yee; me dlunlc/*
"Ten dollars or ten days,” waa the
way In which the case waa dismissed.
The next Chinaman gave his name
aa Ah Dee, the charge being disorderly
conduct and making a row in a res
taurant It was disposed of In the
same way. The third Chinaman gave
his name aa Ah Hln.
"Seems to me there's a good many
of you Aha,” remarked the magistrate,
“and you seem to be a pretty disorder*
ly lot You are charged with striking
a man on the street while you were
drunk. How is that?"
"Yep; me hit him/' was the short
reply.”
“Ten dollars or ten days."
The next prisoner was a big Irish
man who had been paying particular
attention to the cases proceeding him.
"What’s your name?’’
“Ah Hell!” retorted the son of Erin,
wrathfully/'Phat does it matter? It’e
tin dollars or tin days annyway.”
But he was mistaken; he got off
easier.—Philadelphia Telegram.
Breaking the Sad News.
“Mrs. Gottwadds," said the gentleman,
as he took a seat in the luxurous draw
ing room. “I—that is—please don’t let
yourself be unduly alarmed, but I have
come to break some sad news to you.”
"O. heaven!” she cried, throwing up
her hands and casting at him an agon
ized look, "its my boy! Something
has happened to Reginald! Speak!
Tell me that he is not—dead/’
"No, ho Is not dead. Calm yourself,
I must Insist that you try to control
your nerves. You see—”
"But he is hurt! He went away in
his automobile an hour ago. Some
thing has happened. Tell mo—tell
me! I cannot bear this terrible strain.
My poor boy! Tell me that he will get
well! Have pity! Have pity on me!”
"O, ho Isn't hurt at all. He’s lust
v REMINISCENT.
I love to think of boyhood days;
The farmhouse nestling low,
The wood I chopped, the chores I did
In days of long ago.
'Twas then I labored in the sun
To raap the golden wheat;
'Twas then I drove the cattle home
Through twilight dusk and sweet.
I see again the upturned earth,
The ftrrows of the plough—
I love to think and thank my stars
I needn’t do it now.
—McLandburg Wilson in N. Y. 8un.
Only Two Kinds of Men.
Representative John 8harp Wil
liams went to Texas a few days ago
with a party of prospective English
land investors. They stopped at •
small town, and the mayor took them
to the leading saloon and Introduced
them to the bartender, saying:
"Jack, these gentlemen are earls,
dukes and lords from England. What
do you think of that?”
“Weil, Bill/' said the bartender, to
the mayor, “ they ain't but two dosses
of men In this here place. One class
takes sugar in their’n and the other
ain’t to denied particular. What'll you
have, gents?"—Pittsburg Dispatch.
A Simple Matter. ■
Senator Depew tells the following
sea story, fn addition to the genial
doctor's word the story has internal
evidence of being genuine. Sevv/al
men In the smoking room of a liner
were discussing the wonders of navi
gation. All agreed that the accuracy
pf the readings was marvelous. At
this point a very heavy looking En
glishman interrupted.
'T say/' he drawled, “it's deuced
strange, you know, how they ever find
their way over—deuced strange! Now,
of course, going back it's awfully sim
ple. They’ve only to follow the
straight white line the ship has made/*
sound in body and limb os I am.
window ©hades up and made every i The truth is— 11
one promise if he or she ©aw the hint
of a light in her flat to investigate
at once. And ton days after she left
tho woman across the hall saw a li'iht
in the Hulbert fiat She rang up the
Janitor and flew to tell the woman
on the floor above. In the hall the
three reoonnoltered
"But I thought you ©aid it was going
to be something terrible? Ah, you
are deceiving me! I must know all!
Don't torture me this way. You are
cried! I will be brave! I will try to
bear up. O, my boy! My poor boy!
Take me to him. Where Is he?’’
‘You see, he was going faster than
i reoonnoltered and agreed it #>l _h «m
in^AAa Mm ti-Kt _ _ _ ... the law allowed, and ran over an old
Indeed tie light from a gas Jet llu , r , They've arrested him for men-
la the inner bedroom which was re
floated through the ground glaaa of
the front door.
It took about three seconds for the
news to spread through the building
that burglars were In the Hulbert flat.
Every on* surged down to the second
baH landing. The men oomlng bom*
from downtown added themselres
one by one to the crowd. Somebody
suggested to the Janitor that he use
his key end go In. The look of in
dignation which greeted thle wae a
work of art
“An wot would I do Wen I got In
theref" he tnqnlred majestically. I'll
go and telephone tho police," he add-
ed, and departed baetlly. Then a
small mast appointed himself captain
of tho flat dwellers and put
where they would do the most good.
Three men were sent around to tho
back porch to Intercept the thieves
should they attempt to escape that
way. The women were ordered away
and forthwith crowded Into the flat
across the hall, where they took turn*
peeping through the crick In the door.
One msn waa sent down to the side
walk to guard the front at the build*
tag and departed amid the envious
glares of those who had to stand
watch over the door of the Hulbert
fiat.
In fifteen minutes a squad of blue-
coats advanced on the building. Af
ter deep consultation It was decided
to carefully unlock the frost door
with the Janitor's key, make a rush
and surround th* desperado. Excite-
maot among the flatten approached
hysteria at ttdai Th* aqheme waa
baarOly approved cf by the men on
th* Janitor produced
th. key. the cleverest minion of the
law worked It and tha door atom,
Tlar* wn* an Intense Instant end then
a tremendous rush on the part ct th*
heroes. ■
to Its tri ant
es* that the rush
was checked In the middle of the
Hulbert*' parlor by the appearance
In the bedroom door of no lees a
person that Mr. Hulbert himself. He
hid one side of hie face suit lathered
and this, together with his expres
slon of mild Interest, wee disconcert
ing. to my tea least of it
"Oh." he aald when K was all ex
plained to him. “1 guess my wife for
(ot to tell you I'd be home a oouple
of days while she was gone. But
I'm muoh obliged.''
Th* occupants of th* other flats
hare quit worrying over Mrs. Hul-
bort's
ladv. They've arrested him for man
slaughter and Insist on holding him
under n heavy bond, so that—''
“O, la that all? I'm so relieved.
Really, the way yon spoke, I couldn't
help thinking It was something ear-
lous."—Chicago Record-Herald
On Hla Trail.
Tha latest cure of nervous
according -to a Swiss doctor, is tea
ar* not ahte to catch ap.
The lady—"Now If I could only trust
you."
Oritty George—"Lady, did yer evtr
hear dat old proverb. ‘Don't treat a
man dat a dog won't follow'?”
The lady—"I have.”
Oritty Qeorgo—"Well, yar can
trust m*. ’cause *very dog In th*
country follows raa."
Future History.
Stealthily th* stalwart, determined
men surrounded the house, undetected,
owing to th* darkness and th* dene*
tog that covered everything.
Potting on* ot their number, tuny
armed, at every possible avenue ot es
cape, the leader, accompanied by a
dozen trusty followers upon whom
courage and fidelity ha kntw b* could
rely la any emargancy, approached a
reef door , ,, r nr ^r - «?*• m
At erven atgnat they threw their
united weixht again it 1L
The door yielded, and tha next mg
T£iS3SS«;
soon found tho man tor whom they
war* searching.
He was sitting In th* back parlor,
snrroundad by hla family, unprepared
to resist, and evidently taken wholly
by eurprtse.
"Surrender!" cried the leader, point
ing hi* revolver at hla head.
"Gentlemen," said th* man, pale hot
outwardly calm, G aer yoo hare me at
a disadvantage. But yon need not
here brought those handcuffs along.
Ill go with you quietly."
He had Just been nominated by one
ot the great political parties for th*
otfic* ot Vice-President of th* United
States.—Chicago Tribune.
Wanted Is Know.
Btnbbo—“I so* Lawson, th* Boston
Millionaire, to aateg ta axpom sots*
eoppar traaMKiaas "
yma ISi dent gay! Another
■ T. *»r
Birthday at the Lendls Home.
Representative Charles F. Landis of
Indiana had a birthday end Mrs. Lan
dis, to give him a surprise, went out
and bought many pretty things for hia
room. The list Included trays, doilies
and little knicknacks for his dresser.
When Mrs. Landis' birthday came
along Mr. Landis decided to surprise
her with n few presents.
“What did you get her?" naked Rep
resentative Hllderbrand of Ohio.
“O, I bought a couple of boxes of
good cigars, a pound or two ot smoking
tobacco and a fine meershaum pipe/*
Mr. Landis said.—N. Y. JVorld.
Playing Fortissimo.
When the mother returned from a
shopping tournament the first thing
that met her eyes was the lump on
little Willie’s forehead.
“For goodness' sake!" she said.
"How did he get It?"
”Tls from th' boomp he got," th*
new nurse explained. "Ye tould me,
ma'am, to Jet him play on th' plenny
it he wanted to. an' wnnst, when he
wee elidin' on th' top, he slid too far,
ma'am."—Philadelphia Press.
Didn’t Look that Way to Him.
"Did yon show that account to
Ardup again to day?"
"Yea air."
"Did you teR him It had been on
th* elate long enough and I'd Ilk*
to rub It out?"
“Yes, air."
“What did ha aayr
"He aald It looked as It you were
trying to rub It In."—Chicago Tribun*.
"Women an certainly queer," re.
marked th* old bachelor.
"What's th* answer?" queried th*
fnqulalttlv* person.
"Th* majority of them." replied th*
old baahelor. "would rather become
spinsters."
Harts— “I suppose that Poster wag
pretty well wrought up whan he found
that eooMbodj^te^ stolen hla watch?"
watch was fire tnlnufes Blow* aid he
hoped It would make the thief loos* n
train or ho too late for aa appoint*
moot, or soma ench vexatious thing as
thaL"—Boston Tran script.
After First Prize. -
Stlas-'My! Bat that Jerry BUsonhaa
a lot ot different patches on hla trou-
ire."
Cyrus—"Ye*, an' hell have to stay
hi the house all of next week."
811**—“What for?"
Cyrus—“His mother is going to
send his pent* to th* county fair aa a
crazy quilt"
Th* Real Thing.
'Are th* mem ben ot your amateur
dramatic dab very enthusiastic?"
"Are they! Why, whan we present-
ed 'Hamlet' In th* next village tail
week half tha company walked all th*
way homo en th* railroad track JaM
to dm It n prnfaMkwil flavor. - '—
§ll|JOLLY _
W JOKES.
A DEMONSTRATION EXPLAINED.
It isn't any wonder that the baby cries
a lot.
If you'll think about the terrors that
beset Its earthly lot;
It isn't any wonder that it lifts Its
voice and walls
In a world where nearly every philan
thropic effort falls;
Oh, the future that it faces! "Twill
be called on to recite
A lot of things. Including "Curfew
Shall Not Ring To-Night”
He’ll have to ride in trolley cars where
people bruise your feet.
Or dodge the motor carriage* that
scurry through the street;
Hall have to take a chance on what
the trusts may choose to do
Perhaps there'll be no beef at all be
fore hi* '.Ife Is through.
He’ll hare to serve on Juries and ob
serve th* wicked way
In which his fellow-men pursue their
neighbors day by day;
He’ll have to weir high collars, funny
clothes and curious tics.
It really Isn't any wonder that the
baby cries.
—Washington Star.
She Waa Not Certain.
Telephone mistakes may have their
serious sides A man who wanted to
communicate with another named
Jones looked In the directory,
and then colled up the number. Pres
ently cute through the receiver a soft
feminine "Halloa," and ho asked,
"Who Is that?"
“This Is Mr*. Jones.”
“Have you any Idea where your Iras'
band Is?"
He couldn’t understand why the
"rang off" so sharply, until he looked
In the hook again and diecovered that
he had called up the residence of a
widow.—N. Y. Nows.
THE IDEA.
She—My, but Mr. Flaxyman It stin
gy-
He—I should any to. Why, he
wouldn’t laugh at a Joke unlesi It
waa at somehodjrelse'a exponas.
Trouble Ahead for Tommy.
The apple tree that stands beside
The creaking garden gate
la bending low beneath a yield
Of fruit that’s simply great
And as t gaze upon th* sight
I think of days to come.
And ot the damage that* In atore
For Tommy'* tummy-tum.
—New York Prose.
Even Here,
Delilah was Just about to trim Sam-
eon’s locks. Suddenly there wae an
uproar outside the tempi*.
"Stop! Stop!" cried excited vole**.
"Don't touch another lock until you
have shown your credentials,"
"What credential*?" gasped Delilah.
“Why, that you belong to the Ber
ber's union.”
Wire Paul.
Paul Revere had just mads hla fa
mous ride.
"I'm so glad I didn't use an automo
bile,” h* related.
“Why not?" asked the friend.
“I would hhve been arrested for tut
riding."
Strong.
"Toung man.” whispered the old
spellbinder, “there nr* some things
about this campaign that wiU Coke
your breath away."
"Ton don* aay!" responded the
young man. “Are you alluding to th*
campaign cigar?"
Something Strang*.
"Dear me!" aald tha young wife. "I
believe that dog dealer deceived me.
I don’t better* this I* • Boston bon, at
iD,* »!•' NVlKSl h «'r • ■ • J
‘•Why not?" asked her husband.
"Because I cooked him some ot th*
daintiest beans and ho wouldn't touch
"And you sv Tou had $100 about
you tha other dayr Interrogated th*
lady In the wayside cottage.
"Yee. mum," responded Tired Tim.
"Well, how did yon get rid of It?"
"Me coattail* give 'way. Ter sea. ft
was tn de shape of a hnndred-dollar
bulldog."
Sure Way.
Th* meeting of tho Suffrage club
waa on In earnest.
How can wo keep man at a dis
tance?" screamed th* woman In th*
derby be*-
“By wearing crlnlUne," responded
the one In the region.
Msnontonoua.
"I proposed to that girt by letter."
“Did she accept your
"Yee, and her tetter of acceptane*
was almost as long aa If aha waa raa-
ilaf fot president**