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CONDENSED STORIES. /
The Unkind Insinuation of Mark
Twain’* Jealou.- Acquaintance.
Mark Twain tolls the following
story in the North American Be-
view: “Once I was received in pri
vate audience by an emperor. La
ter I was telling a jealous person
ibout it, and I could see him wince
tinder it, see it bite, see him suffer.
I revealed the whole episode to him
with considerable elaboration and
nice attention to detail. When I
was through, he asked me what im
pressed me most. I said: ‘His maj
esty’s delicacy. They told me to be
sure and back out from his presence
and find the doorknob the best I
could do. It was not allowable to
face around. Now', the emperor
knew it would be a difficult ordeal
for me, because of lack of practice,
and so when it was time to part he
turned with exceeding delicacy and
pretended to fumble with things on
his desk, so that I could get out in
my own w r ay without his seeing me.’
He struggled along inwardly for
quite nwliile; then ho said, with the
manner of a person who has to say
something and hasn’t anything rele
vant to say, ‘You said he had a
handful of special brand cignrs ly
ing on the table?’ ‘Yes. I never
saw anything to match them.' I
had him again. Ho had to fumble
around in his mind as much as an
other minute before he could play;
then he said in as mean a way as I
ever heard a person say anything,
‘He could have been counting the
cigars, you know .'"
He'd Heard of the Place.
Out in Detroit, according to Wil
liam Alden Smith, ex-Scnator Pal
mer has a beautiful mansion, sur
rounded by grounds filled with stat
ues of Hebe, Venus, Apollo and all
Rhodes as Cupid.
One day when Mr. Bhodes was
showing some visitors the splendid
grounds of Groot Schuur the party
approached a summer house which
had been erected early in the last
century by one of the Dutch gov
ernors of the Colony.
“Hush!" said Mr. Rhodes in a
whisper. “Hush!" and, motioning
his companion hack, he advanced on
tiptoe, listened and then called out:
“All right. You can come. The
coast is clear.”
He then explained that he had
discovered this summer house to he
a favorite resort of loving couples
and that he always shrank from dis
turbing them.
“I like,” he said, “to think that
they can escape from the ugly, noisy
back streets of Capo Town and find
here a fitting spot for the telling of
the old, old story.”
The Unfinished 8tone.
At Lord Rothschild's magnificent
house, or, rather, palace, in Picca
dilly, as at his country seat at Tring
and in all the other Rothschild resi
dences in England and on thft conti
nent, says London M. A. P., there is
always in a conspicuous place, gen
erally among the cornices, a piece
of stone or marble left undressed,
uncarved and in a rough and unfin-
ishod state, which, by reason of the
beauty and splendor of its immedi
ate surroundings, at once catches
the eye. This is in compliance with
the rule among all orthodox Jews
that they should have no permanent
abiding place until they are restored
to the Holy Land, and this unfinish
ed bit of stono is to mark that the
abode is merely temporary and in
complete.
“Buffalo Bill’s" Farm.
Colonel William F. Cody is one of
the largest farmers in Uncle Sam’s
domain. lie is constructing a big
ditch in the Pig Horn basin, in
northwestern Wyoming, by means
of which COO,000 acres of arid land
will he reclaimed and made to blos
som as a garden through irrigation
On this land and not far from Yel
lowstone park the flourishing little
city of Cody has been built up with
in the past two years. Colonel Cody
claims that his Dc Maris spring pos
sesses wonderful curative powers,
and ho expects to start a “sanitari
um for opera singers who have
throat affection from oversinging
and stomach affection from over
eating and drinking” and treat them
with Do Maris water.—Argonaut.
f>l BUENOS AYRES LAW. V
Here is an illustration of justice
as she is administered in this free
and glorious country; A farmer up
the river caught a small craft load
ing produce from his land. The
thieves were caught in the act.
Complaint was made to the river
police, and the boat was detained
when the case went to the court,
says the Buenos Ayres Herald. The
owner, who was not with the craft,
visited tlie farmer and begged him
to have mercy and let his craft go
and not pursue the case, as it would
mean starvation to the family. Jie
listened to the plea and did not
! >resent his witnesses, of which he
lad several. The case then went b;
default, and the accused were ac
quitted. After this the boat owner
ran foul of a shyster, who saw
chance to mulct the farmer, and he
was condemned to pay damages for
accusing and not proving his case,
although he proved that he had wit
nesses and desisted in mercy to the
thieves.
Russian Exactions In 8iberia.
Jt would appear that Russia is de
termined to run every profitable
business by the state. The govern
ment has a monopoly of transporta
tion. has pre-empted the spirit in
dustry and may at any tjme seize
the tobacco trade. The state regu
lates wages, grants or refuses rights
to work for precious and base min
erals and to obtain fuel—in fact,
leaves to the individual little but
the cultivation of the soil and the
raising of stock. The cry is, “Sibe
ria is rich and Siberia is for us Rus-
sians alone!” and the state answers,
not in words, hut in deeds, ^Siberia
is for the Russians and shall lx? rich
by administrative order.” The pio
neer finds gold or strikes oil, then
the pioneer is ousted and his field of
operations reserved exclusively for
exploitation by the state when and
as the state may doom it expedient
to act. No one questions the right;
many criticise the policy.—Outlook.
Two Good Bargains.
Half acre lot ou Brewer street,
improved with one six room dwel
ling, two four room tenant houses,
barn, stables and out bouses, also
one frame store, stock and fixtures
all new and complete, cost twenty
eight huudred dollars, will be
sold for considerably less than
cost for the cash.
The above property located i
good locality for retail store, good
dwelling and is a rare bargain for
some one. Owner desires
change to other climate on ac
count of his own and wife’s health
hence this splendid offer. Also
one small store building and two
tenant houses corner of Thomas
and D. street. Cost .$000, will also
be sold for less than cost for the
cash. Call on, or write us for
further information.
Km out cfc William
Comfortable House.
I have for rent the house of D
B. Sweat on Butler street, one
the most comfortable cotta
homes in the city. Supplied with
city water and sewerage. Kent
reasonable. C. C. Buchanan
the other handsome gods and god
desses. One day a Michigander
from the rural districts, visiting De
troit, strayed into the private purk.
'J^ie man gazed at the marble fig
ures and the surroundings with a
keen sensation of having made a
discovery.
“These must be tho statuary
grounds I hoar so much ubout in di
vorce cases,” was his bucolic com
ment.
Didn’t Want the Cookbook.
In the senate cloakroom a senator
from the east told a funny story,
lie is boarding, with his wife, at an
uptown upartmont house. His wife
is u great reader. A day or two ago
she sent her uursogirl to the Con
gressionul library with a list of
three books. “Get any of these,”
she said to tho girl, “but if all of
the books are out you can bring me
any good novel.”
The girl went to tho library.
When she returned, she brought a
copy of “Unleavened Bread.”
“I told the fool man,” tvcplaincd
Jhc fftrl, “that you didn’t want any
vootXook, because you were only
boarding.”
“What did the man say?” asked
the senator's wife, laughing.
Hoar Not a Schoolmaster.
Senator Tillman pronounces tho
word “gyrate" as if the “g” was
hard, lie says “gnyratc.” So does
Senator Forakcr.
When the pronunciation fell upon
tho ears of Senator Hoar, he shrug
ged his shoulders. He is a stickler
for correct English, and it was re
markable, says the Washington
Tost, that he did not express in the
open senate his sorrow at hearing a
word mispronounced.
“It is ‘ji-rate,' ” ho said later
when some one asked him about tho
word. “But,” he added, “1 haven’t
tho time to play schoolmaster here.”
If the fish don’t bite, call on us
and get Seines, cast nets or gill
nets and catch them anyhow.
Watt-Hnrley Hardware Co.
T may seem biased,” said tho
dressmaker, “but that isn’t my
cut-out,”
The photographer is excusable
if he insists upon airing his views.
11 doe?
A Lawyer’s Aching Void.
When Attorney E. W. McGraw
left a witness on the stand the other
day and whispered something in the
ear of several attorneys in Judge
Murasky’s court, the spectators
thought something of great moment
was to hapj>en. When he approach
ed the judge, Murnsky leaned over
toward McGraw with a look of ex
pcctaney on his face and then shook
his head even more Vigorously than
had the others. McGraw looked al
most inconsolable and turned to re
sume his examination of the wit
ness. The court kindly relieved the
spectators and attorneys in the
courtroom by saying to the lawyer,
“No, Mr. McGraw, tho court does
not chew.” — San Francisco Argo
naut.
Chinese Ignorance.
Tho ignorance which foreigners
have to combat in their efforts to
open up trade with China is well
illustrated by an incident which oc
curred not long ago. Sir James
Mackay is the English commission
er to negotiate trailo treaties in
China. He wrote to one of tho vice
roys, earnestly pleading that the
trade barriers in that province be
removed, lie received a reply from
the viceroy saying that he could not
think of removing these barriers
for the reason that if he did the wa
ter would all run out of his prov
ince. The viceroy’s idea of tho bar
riers was that they were physical
dams along the water courses over
which the trade was carried.
An exchange says that a babe i
the prince of wails, an inhabitan
of Lapland, the morning brawler
the only hrecious possession that
•r excites envy, a kev that
opens the hearts of all classes,
rich and poor alike, in all
countries, a stranger witli un
speakable cheek, enters a hou
without a stitch to its hack, and
is received with open arms by
every one.
The printer believes that there
are lots of “things as jgond ns pi.”
em foolish for a man I The oceau is “wide and free,”
to tako a dress suit case into court, but you can,t cross it for nothing.
STAND LIKE A STONE WALL
Between your children and the
tortures of itching and burning
eczemn, scaldhead or other skin
diseases.—How ? Why, by using
Bucklen’s Arnica, earth’s greatest
healer. Quickest cure for Ulcers,
Fev«»r Sores, Salt Rheum, Cuts,
Burns or Bruises. Infallible for
Piles. 25c at all druggists.
A Scotch visitor to Washington
who attended a session of the Sen
ate the other day express great
surprise at the fact that that
body made three adjournments
because there was no one ready to
go ou with speech. ‘‘No doubt it
was all done with the best of rea
son,” he said to a Washington
Post interviewer, “but the idea of
an American not being prepared
to talk under any and all circum
stances seemed a bit funny. The
readiness of the men of the states
in parliamentary debate is often
alluded to in the old country, and
relate this episode of the Senate
my friends may accuse me of ro
mancing.’’
Wheels that
Ride Easy
COME AND SEE US IN
OUR NEW STORE.
We have taken the agency for the
Famous
FaySho Typewriters
Cash or Installments.
We SellTypewriter Supplies ant), Jo Typewriter Repairing..
WAYCROSS CYCLE CO.
Our Btock is still complete and
nothing but the best goods are we
showing this season: our prices
are always on the bottom at the
Star Clothing House.
Shoes that are shoes ami not
ihndriy are tho kind we set! pt
The Stak Ci.otiiino Stoke,
W. P. O’Quinu, proprietor.
“lie only said, ’Go along,’ ”
plied the girl.—Washington Pos
’ost
Willing to Admit It.
‘The eenatc is the greatest legis
lative body in the world,” said Sen-
ator Cockrell, addressing Mr. Spoon
er upon a bill that was Wing consid
ered.
“Oh, no,” replied Sir. Spooner,
“this is not the greatest legislative
body in tho world. It is only a part
of one ol tho greatest legislative
bodies. But I will not dispute that
it is the greatest part. In fact,”
added Mr. Spooner, smiling, ‘1
think we all admit that fact*
gxo^^^oat^^wa^ewwBJUiiwwwtmqiatatafiwwtiitatatataiawwtBtawiwwiiaawjiawtawwtatatgr-
HARDY BROTHERS |
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FLEISCHMAN'S COMPRESSED YEAST, f
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SOUTHERN
RAILWAY
THE GREAT HIGHWAY
OF TRADE AMD TRAVEL.
Uniting tho Principal Commercial .
Centers and Health and PInrar*
Resorts of the South with the # #
NORTH, EAST and. WEST,
Hlgh.Cloo. V.UIhul. Trains, Through
botwoon Now York ond Now Orleans, via AtlonZT
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Furorlor Dining-Car Sorrlca on oil Through Trains.
Encollant dorrtco ond Low Kotos lo Chorlui..
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Winter Tourist Tickets to oil Resorts now on sol. —
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dmtmttRd O%f*rmatlon, Utmrmturm, tlm* coOIm
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