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r As Good As Medicine. Something in the Bed. Ircu'metances alter cases : Small y at dinner table—“What! all that r grandpa?” Mamma—“No.darling, I'fl for you.” Small boy—“Oh, what A little bit.” “Johnnie,” said mamma to her Title son, “didn’t I tell you not to eat hat candv until a'ter dinner ?” John* ie who lisps: ‘I ain’t eating the candy, I’m only thucking the uithe.” “I say, Jenkins, can you tell a young, tender chicken from an old, tough one?” “Of course I can.” “Well, how?” “By the teeth.” “Chickens have no teeth.” “No. but 1 have.” “Speaking of cod, would you say the price has gone up or has risen?’ Inquired a school boy of a fishmonger, “Well,” replied the scale scraper, “speaking of cod, I should say it had rpes.” When a young lady asked to look at a parasol the clerk said : “Will you please give the shade you want ?” “I ^rpect the parasol to give the shade I 'ant,” said the young lady. Somebody estimated that every man ho lives to be sixty years old has ’ sent seven months buttoning his Jblrt collar. Thirty years more ought to be added for hunting up the collar ibuttou. Did you see tbe moon over your ght shoulder, my dear ?” said she to m as they roamed down the walk, -n-no, not exactly ; but I just saw old man oyer my left shoulder, I’ll bid you good-night.” n oil producer was requested to e a j udgment note for a debt he ed, but firmly refused, saying: o, sir, I will never sign a judgment did it once, and I came very wing to pay it.” does a duck go into the water? vers reasons. Why does it come For sundry reasons. Why does back? To liquidate a bill. Why it come out again? To make a n the bank. Missouri man got caught in a 1 whirlwind the other day, which 'ed him just a little way.from the nd and shook him until all his ns fell off. When the thing muttered: “Reckon I’ll nd for another pound of Judge Pitman has a habit of slipping his watch under his pillow when he goes to bed. Oue night somehow it slipped down, and as the judge was restless it worked its way down to wards the foot of the bed. After a bit, while he was lying awake, his foot touched i t; it felt very cold; he was surprised, scared, and jumping from the bed he said : “My gracious, Maria, there’s a toad or something uuder the covers. I touched it with c y foot.” Mrs Pitman gave a loud scream and was on tbe iloor in an instant. “Now, don’t go hollering and wak ing up the neighborhood,” said the Judge. “You get a broom or some thing, and we’ll fix the thing, mighty quick.” Mrs, Pitman got the broom and gave it to the Judge with the remark that she felt as though snakes were creep ing up and down her legs and back. “Oh, nonsense, Maria! Now, turn down the covers slowly while I hold the broom and bang it. Put a bucket of water alongside of the bed so that we can shove it in and drown it.” Mrs. Pitman fixed the bucket and gently removed the covers. The judge held the broom uplifted, and as the black ribbon of the silver watch was revealed, he cracked away at it three or four times with the broom, then he pushed the thing off into the bucket. Then they took the light to investigate the matter. When the Judge saw what it was, he said : “I might have known; it’s just like you women to go screeching and fussing about nothing. It’s utterly ruined.” “It was you that made the fuss, not me,” said Mrs. Pitmau. “You needn’t try to put the blame on me.” Then the Judge turned in and growled at Marla until he fell asleep. boiling water must be kept in the teakettle so that the outer pail may be supplied from it. It may also ha nec essary to add a little to the rice. One important consideration to bear in mind is that the rice must not be stirred at all. Stirring will spoil the shape of tbe kernels In India the rice is boiled and served with meat and the favorite curry, and the dish is then called “a curry.” A recipe for tuakiug the curry powder is here given; To three parts turmeric add two parts black pepper, three-fourths of a part of cayenne pepper, half e part of ginger root, four parts cumin seeds, six parts of coriander seeds, a quarter of a part each of nutmeg, cloves and cinnamon. The imported curry powder, which can be bought at almost all large groceries, is a very satisfaotoiy preparation. But the cook must remember that it is dangerous to put in much at a time, as the full flavor of the powder is not developed until it has been wet some little time— say three or four minutes. Pious Reflections. Rats and Mice. Kitchen Interests. mk : Clerk—“What do sir?” Ruffian—“Why, I to tell you that I am tike l down and rob- Clerk—"Well, PJ but you’ll have to If, sir.” ian Banged. [an Ontario street *to the grocery and of green-peas.” “I r to wiggle,” answered on, I tell you.’-’ “I jump.” “If you don’t will tell your father ,home.” “I should ^Never mind, sir.” W v ‘I Le posi- to the gro- was a tattler fuld jump on me if I “rem!” “Yes, sir.” that you said to your Co-day?” “Never said notn- r ‘Then I am a story-teller and ire a pretty boy,” said the “.Look here, young man, if l't behave yourself, I’ll thrash Tdo you hear, sir?” “I should to snort.” “Come here to me, lr.” And the young man squirmed wiggle, limped to jump, blew to battle, whooped to squeal and tittered p to snort. [moke Preventing Deaths. ie one has at last been found to a good word for smoke. The Burs- Town Council have been discus- ig the death rate in that town, lich appears just now to be rather igb, and the medidal officer consoles lem by pointing o^t that the deaths foultl be more numerous still were it lot for the smokiness of the town. The evil effects of tlielr bad system of ^drainage arei 3ted by thoj ( says, largely counter- ;e from the factories th the atmosphere, ;” aud lie was at “Intelligent is own the lay Puffs.—One quart flour, one pint milk, two eggs ; beat well ; butter size of an egg, three tablespoonfuIs each of sugar and baking- powder; roll out and bake in a quick oven. Lemon Pudding—Mix well two cups of sugar with half a cup of butter; add two grated lemons, five eggs. Line a deep dish with paste and pour in the mixture; bake thirty minutes. Quince Jelly.—Cover the fruit with water and boil one hour. Then strain through crash ; strain twice if not clear; add equal quantities of juice and sugar and boil steadily twenty minutes. Let the jars stand one week before sealing. Soda Biscuit —One quart of flour, two teaspoonfuls of cream-tartar, one of soda, butter the size of an egg, one and one-half cups of sweet milk; mix with fl our, roll dut and bake in a quick oven ten minutes. Baked Onions—Wash and boil one hour, change the water twice In that time, drain on a cloth and roll each in buttered tissue paper twisted at the tor; bake one hour in a slow oven. Peel and brown them and serve with melted butter. Yeast —Grate two large, raw pota toes. Add one teacup of white sugar, one teaspoon of salt, a half teaspoon of ginger. Pour over this mixture a cup of boiling water in which a table spoonful of hops has been boiled. Save half a cup each time to start anew. Crumpets.—Take two pounds of breed dough and mix with three eggs, well-beaten; gradually add warm water until the batter is the consist ency of buokwheat cake3; beat it well and let it rise. Have the griddle hot and well greased ; pour on the batter in small cakes and balcea light brown. How to Cook Rice.—To kijpw how to cook rice so that it will be dry and each kernel keep its proper shape is very simple. Tne first thing to be done is to buy a farina kettle, or to have made at a tin shop two stout tin pails, one several sizes smaller than the other, in the outer pall put as much boiling water as it wl!l hold without running over when the smaller pail is set within It; look over and wash the rice, then put it iu the smaller pall, and put in enough boiling water to cover it (observe, the ricois not to be soaked and the water is to be boiling ; then put the cover of the inner pail on—the outer has no cover ; the rice will be cooked tender iu from fifteen to twenty minutes if you have a tiro hot enough to keep the water boiling. The riee, when turned out, will he dry, and eaoh kernelwill he distinct A writer in the Scientific American says: “We cleaned our premises of the detestable vermin, rats, by making whitewash yellow with coppera-*, and covered the stones and rafters with it. In eveiy crevice in which a rat may go we put the crystals of the copperas, and scattered in the corner of the floor. The result was a perfect stampede of rats and mice. Since that time not a footfall of either rats or mice has been heard around the house. Every spring a coat of yellow-wash is given the cellar as a purifier, as a rat extermina tor, and no typhoid, dysentery, or fever attacks the family. Many per sons deliberately attract all the rats in the neighborhood ty leaving the fruits aud vegetables uncovered in the cel lar, and sometimes even the soap is left open for their regalement. Cover up everything eatable in the cellar or pantry, and you will soon starve them out. These precautions, joined to the service of a good cat, will prove as good a rat exterminator as the chemist can provide. We never allow rats to be poisoned hr our dwellings. They are apt to die between the walls, and produce much annoyance. What 13 Plagiarij Damages for Five Children Killed. Iu May, 1881, five children of F. H. Nehroas, of San Lorenzo, Almeda county, California, were returning home from a May-day picnic in a light wagon, and when they reached the crossing of the Central Pacific Railroad the vehicle was struck l y a locomotive and all the inmates were killed. The father of the children sued the railroad company tor dam ages. On the trial it was shown that the approaching train could not be seen from the highway until close to the crossing on account of a covered bridge and eucalyptus tress. It was a'so shown that the train w»<= b.nind time, and running from thirly three to thirty-five miles an hour. T%e jury awarded $10,800 damages to plaintiff, and defendant took an ap peal. The Supreme Couri has i 111 rul ed the judgment, holding that “in view of the rule of damages prevailing here we cannot be reasonably expect ed to hold that for such a loss as the plantifl in this case sustained, the amount awarded him by the jury was excessive. The greatest pleasure of life is loving; the great pleasure, content ; the great est possession, health; the grtatest ease, sleep ; and th6 greatest medicine, a true friend. All we waut in Christ we shall find iu Christ. If we want little we shall find little, if we want much, we shall find much; and if in utter helpless ness we cast our all on Christ, He will be to us the whole treasury of God. Faithful prayer always implies cor relative exertion; and no man can ask honestly and hopefully to be de livered fjom temptation, unless he has himself honestly aud firmly de termined to do the best he can to keep out of it. Do not wade far out into the dan gerous sea of this world’s comfort.— Take what the good God provides you but say of it, “It p asseth away, for in deed it is but a temporary sup>ply for t <mpor£ry need.” Never suffer your goods to become your God. T itles rand’s Advloe. In these days there is much said about reforming Christianity, or possi bly of putting it aside altogether, and replacing it with what is called “The Religion of Humanity.” The sugges tions are not novel. The religion of Christ had scarcely made Its way in the world before men were ready with improvements of its methods and sub stitutions for its doctrines. But Christianity still lives, and few, save students of ecclesiastical history, can recall the scores of its imitations. The theophilauthropist Larevellere- Lepeaux once confided to Talleyrand his chagrin. He had labored to bring Into vogue a sort of improved Chris tianity, which should be both a be nevolent and a rational religion. With expressions of mortification, he admitted that he had failed, for the skeptical age would have nothing to do with his improved religion. “What, my friend, shall I do?” he mournfully asked. The wily ex-bishop and diplomat politely condoled with the disappoint ed reformer. He hardly knew, he said, what to advise in a matter so difficult as the improvement of Chris tianity. “Still,” said he, after a mo ment’s pause, and with a smile, “there is one plan you might try.” “I recommend to you,” he said, “to be crucified for mankind, and to rise again on the third day 1” It was a lightning flash, and the reformer stood, at least for the mo ment, awed and reverent before the stupendous fact suggested by the great diplomat. What is plagiarism ? the questions connected with ll criticism there is, perhaps, noi which !t is more difficult to give is factory answer. 01 course it i enough to define plagiarism in tlTT ab stract as a form of theft, the things' stolen being thoughts, Phrases,images aud the like; the difficulty is t) de cide whether iu this or in that evsi the offense has reaily been commuttj Sometimes the evidence for the cuser may be obviously too crusbj to be set aside ; such as when a s| mon or au essay or a poem which pre fgsses to be the work of one man is^ discovered to be identical, sentence, for sentence and word for word, wij the previous work of somebody ehj In such a case it is tolerably del that deliberate “conveyance,” Pisfty loved to describe it, must have b.ei^ practiced by preacher or esse post No. 2. Literature is, lJ full of duplicates, tfle exists which cannot by any meai readily explained. Some tl have a trick of turning up age again in the same kind of dreS Cullings. though sometimes the si:; costume is so marked as suggest a suspicion of literal the kindly critic is generally believe either that the reprl has been unconscious—a vaiT niscence having been mistakj original idea—or that the cq ence is altogether fortuitous two minds have hit not onf same thought, but the s* expression, while workii independence of each olhj O, blessed health?, all gold and treasure enlargest the soul, and opene? Powers to receive instruction relish virtue. He that has little more to wish for 1 and so wretched as to want tl everything with thee.—&tern<f% Why He Cooled the Wrencl*. The Current of Rivers, Avejy slight declivity suffices to give the running motion to water. Three inches per mile in a smooth, straight channel gives a veiochy of about three miles an hour. The Ganges, which gathers the waters of the H'malry a mountains, the loftiest in the world, is at 100 miles from its mouth only 300 feet above the level of the sea, aud to fall 800 feet in its long course the water requires more than a month. The great River Magdalena In South America, running for 1000 miles between two rldge3 of the An des,falls only about 500 feet in all that distance. Above the distance of 1000 miles it is seen descending in rapids and cataracts from the mountains. The gigantic Rio do la Plata has so gentle a descent to the ocean that in Paraguay, 1500 miles from its mouth, large ships are seen which Jiave sailed agaiust the current all the wsy l y the foroo of th© wind alone—that is tossy which, on the beautifully in clined plane of the stream, have been He who says all he likes will often hear what he does not like. When a bald-headed man buys a duster, mohair would be most appro priate. “My dear boy,” wrote an Irishman 0 his son, “never put off till to-mor row what you have done to-day.’ ’ “It is not necessary for a man to be poor to be honest,” Certainly not. But it seems sort o’ half way necess ary for a man to be poor if he is honest.— Quiz. She Bridgeton (Me.) News calmly says : “The types last week made us say that ‘The showers were not suffl- ceiut to meet the wants of milkmen,’ etc., instead of ‘millmen.’ ” An old citizen, returning to his home from a banquet, meets another old citizen coming from the opposite direction. “Ish this the avenue?” asked No-1 “How should I know? 1 wash at the banquet myself.” “You made a fool of me,” said an irate man to his wife. “My love,” she sweetly responded, “you do yourself injustilce. Call yourself a fool if you wish, but remember that you are In all respects a self-made man.” Au old miser, who was notorious for self-denial, waa one day asked why he was so thin. “I do not know,” said the miser. “I have tried various means of getting fatter, but withont success.” Have you tried victuals?” inquired a friend. “It’s my last resort, my last resoit ” mummied a dejected looking individ ual as he bracid himself against a lamppost last night. “What is that?” inquired a sympathetic bystander.— “Home,” was the mournful reply, ‘home, sweet home.” A conductor on a Third avem horse car was seen one evening expl ing to the cold air the little irl wrench used on the rod com with the fare register. He was what he was doing. “ Giving! little freeze,” he replied. “You that lad in the corner ?” indicating young man in a state of advancl somuolency. “Well, he told me : wake him up at Tenth street. Je watch me do it.” He then enteret the car and applied the chilled metj to the slumberer’s neck. The yoi man leaped to his feet, rolled his e| in a bewildered way, and dit-joinj exclaimed : “ What—how—where am I?, struck ?” “ This is Tenth street, young fell* interrupted the conductor. “Oh! ah! Thank you,” said the young man, getting off th^car in sonjtfj confusion, followed by the unehecke laughter of passengers. “ That al .vavs fetches ’em,” said ’ collector of fares. “ It’s a wrinkla fid lh? la tlp| all of the toys hasn’t ketched on^>yJ You never see3 me tuggin’ and ua&tjr lush lads who falls asleep in E'j rooeh. I just gives ’em au apple! tion of cold steel. Of course It do this in warm weather, whj reason I wishes with all that there was mor^iiOTin a y| Not reguJAT, td^Wmght winter* fret z a a man onto his car, enough winter to. give my wre chills. I hopes the company tumble enough to the idea as each conductor an ice-box for tl! his wrench in summer, so he oa up lush passengers. It’s beti alarm cToek. What Vicc-Versa Me; gradual'y lifted 1 y tne even agjuiist the curve] One man was asked by another, wit h whom he was not on the best of terms, where he had taken up Ills abode. “Ohj” he replied, “I’urging the ct^|feff>redcii<. I sh4 * Sam.” said an old colored down at the postt ffice to ant codger, “What’s de meanin’ versa?’’ “It means tolher from which,* swt red Sam with great dignit “I dun no,” said the first think it means upside down.” “No,” retorted his friend, “I^paone suah it meann hind side Uefoah.” A third old fellow oome by just then and they appealed the question to him. “I cauuot denplain pczaotly,” he ^ said, “so to moet wid your eomprede J housion, but wiser-versa, am a piopri- * ation from tie Lutn and means wuss and wusa aud mo’ of it. I members stumblin’ ober it at colledge. It am* a hard word to pronounce.” He ambled along with his buck saw, aud Ahe two who hud referred to hii L cd alter him with respeot Jion, w<; mg