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(Tin' <Tme Qjtizen. Sullivan Brothers, Publishers. Subscription Rates : One Copy one year - - $2 00 “ “ six months - I 00 « “ three months - 50 1> (TsTtTy E L Y C A 8 IL \ r olume 2. Waynesboro, Georgia, Friday, June 29tli, 1883. Number 8 Jpri* (True (jfcifizctt. Advertising: Rates : Trnnslont mlvs. pnynblo In ndvnnco. Font rant mlvs. pnyulilo qiiarturly. Oominim lent inns for pcrsmml benefit will be elmrued for as mlvs., payable In advance. Ally’s, occupying special position charged 25 per cent, additional. Notices among reading matter 10 cents per line, each insertion. Notices In Local A Tlnsiness column, next to reading, a cents per line each Insertion. All notices will be placed among reading matter If not specially ordered otherwise. For terms apply at lliisotllco. Tin- Democrats jfOhio liave put n stroll"; candidate in the field for o-overnor in selecting Judge I fondly, and are confident of a vic tory. The struggle will, however, be n severe one. An exchange says, “Georgia isto- day without a leader. Toombs, Stephens and Hill are no more, Colquitt is without ability, Brown without polities, and in all the oth ers thero is a want of that great (indefinable, ability which makes tbe leader of men. Black is the most capable man now, and if he throws aside just a small bit of his Areadianisin and takes hold, he can lie the man for the occasion.” 'l'lie sentence of the Wasson court- martial, which imposes confine ment in the penitentiary for two years and dismissal from the army, is a severe punishment. If the clemency of the President is not used to commute the sentence, as it probably will be, to mere dismis sal, it will he a sufficient exhibition of rigor to deter others of the army from satisfying their gambling debts with government money. The Atlanta newspaper grave yard is very extensive. Newspa pers spring up there with the facil ity of mushrooms, blow and brag for a few days, and then wither and die. A short time ago the Evening Star expired; two weeks ago the Phonograph took an indefinite fur lough; in quick succession the (leorgia Major took French leave of its readers, and in the next few days Thornton’s Post-. 1 jipeal threw up the spunge. There are more ex editors in Atlanta than all the other cities in the State, a^d all areas anxious as over to go at it again. Sombody, who evidently knows nothing about it, is giving advice through the papers how to raise turkeys. Turkeys are as easily raised as chickens, if properly man aged. Never allow a young turkey to get fat until after it lias feathered. The feathers upon a turkey grow in strips along the body, from muscles. If the young turkey is fed much, those muscles take on fat, and in “cutting” feathers become so in- tlumed as to kill the young bird— not one fat young turkey in ten can survive the ordeal of feathering, and not one in twenty poor ones will die. That this infiamation is the cause of the deatli of t lie young turkey, anyone can satisfy himself by ma king a post mortem examination.— It matters very little what you feed the young turkeys on, so you do not feed them too much, and kill them with kindness. A special to the Savannah Times, dated at New York, June 25th, says: “Companies A and O, Seventy-first (X. Y.) Regiment, who had been ordered to receive the Continental Guards, of Now Orleans, on their arrival there yesterday, refused to do so. This discourteous conduct has excited very unfavorable comment. The Continental Guards will how ever be able to survive it.” The 71st N. Y. Regiment had probably been forced to accord the Guards more than one reception during the war, and had not forgotten the cor diality of those meetings. The ac tion of these military companies mirrors the feelings of the North ern people towards the South, their protestations of friendship to the contrary nothwithstanding, and this contemptible insult to the South should serve to open the eyes of our people to the true inwardness of the whole Yankee nation. A correspondent of the Savannah Xnes writes to that Journal from Washington: “The President has received a letter from a Georgia politician, which is full of advice how to fix tilings down there pro- lniseously. The writer says that if the advice ho gives is carried out, liberalism in Georgia will become respectable; and all the Republicans and thousands of young Democrats M ill lloek to it standard. The Gen eral l.ongsteet and Speer factions will he one. The programme out lined can be briefly told. It is to make Peter F. Bawsiio, ofGaines- ville, Internal Revenue Collector at Atlanta, retain Speer and Long- street whore they now are, and make Dr. Felton postmaster at At lanta in place of Governor Conoly. ’1'hls on the Atlanta side of tin* State. On the Savannah side, it recommends that Tom Johnson he appointed Collector of Customs, General McHum’h, postmaster, It. D, lioeke, Marshal, and Darnell Dis trict Attorney, bo retained. It is suggested that Judge Cunningham lie made successor to Judge Krskin, and that Jesso Wimberly or R. R. Wright postmaster at Augusta in place of Holden. Then will the millennium be in the near horizon.” if the above adviser is really a Georgian, and knows anything of tlie situation here, he must recog nize the fact that the nomination and election of Governor McDaniel removed all cause for dissension in die Democratic party, and that while there may he some abuses and some local disagreements, the party throughout the State is a unit, and no appointment that President Arthur can possibly make will effect that solidity. The dadieal party is forever dead in Georgia. HKS10NATI0X. .T. HOWARD CARPENTER TO w. ir. c. <), Mis n, griu'o possessed by man alone; A virtue angels might be Jealous of! Conceived in darkest night; brought forth in gloom; In sorrow rooted, watered oft’ with tears; Its fruit it seems would only bitter be. Hutto the complaint Mis analogous— The fulast ear, the richest and the best, Is gathered from the stalk whoso rootlets feed In blackest soil on putrifying flesh, So Resignation, rooted in the heart, On fading hopes and dreams long dead grows green, And sheds a holy fragrance all around. My heart goes out in sympathy to him, Whose morning, all umlimm’d, has passed away, And brightly in the zenith shines his sun— For doubly dark its going down must be. Thrice happy is the man, whose early life, Was spent in adverse Helds at honest toil! A harvest rich shall crown his after years, And sweet contentment close his eyes in detith. I thank Thee, Father, that thou didst awhile Let clouds obscure the brightness of my sun, For in the shadows first I learned to smile, E’en thro’ my tears and say “Thy will be done.” I thank Thee for the burden Thou didst lay Upon my heart when it was light and free: For Mieatli its crushing weight 1 learned to pray; And then—so strange!—I cast it ail on Thee. I thank Thee that my road has rugged been; That I have passed thro’ scenes of care and strife: For now I know it was Thy hand unseen, That led mo thro’ them and preserved my life. And trusting thus in Thy protecting care, I’ll forward press, tlio’ all the world should frown, Will meet the heaving billows still with pray er, Relieving they can never bear me down. Waynesboro, (la., June 2*2d, ISKd. INMAN GUILTY. Details of the Crime—Petition for a New Trial. Macon Telegraph and Messenger. Beyond the bare statement that a most brutal murder had been com mitted, and a woman and a wife made the victim, but little lias been given in the columns of the state journals of the details of the Inman murder in Emanuel county. The previous good standing of the mur derer, the peculiar brutality of ids methods and the character of the evidence against him, all combined to M’liet public interest in his trial. Mrs. Inman was a Miss Grubbs, a daughter of Colonel Grubbs, at one time one of the richest men in Burke county. Mho married Inman and moved into Emanuel county and lived there till the time of her murder. Inman was a dissolute, worthless fellow, and, though pos sessed of a good property at one time, ran through it all, and was finally brought to reduced circum stances. Having made way with his own property, lie thought next to drink up that of his wife. It was, however, held in her own name, and she made up her mind to man age it for herself. Some time in February last she sold off a portion of it for $000. On the morning of February 9th she and her husband were to go over to a store, about a mile distant, and make some purchases. She had on her person the #000 realized from the sale of her property. It was agreed that she would ride over on horseback, while lie would walk along. It was on this occasion that the murder was committed. Just how it was done will never be known, as there was no witness to the crime. The story, as developed in the re cent trial, is that about ten o’clock in the morning Inman came riding up to where William Hall and Jim Bishop wero working. Ho told them that his horse had thrown his wife, on the roadside about half a mile away, and that he needed their assistance. They of course dropped everything and hastened to the scene of the supposed accident. Arriving at the place, they found Mrs. Inman with her face fairly im bedded in the sftiul, her skull crush ed in and her body literally welter ing in blood. Inman had all the while appeared careless and indif ferent, and when Ids friends lifted her up and told him she was dead, ho manifested no concern what ever. His account of the accident m'iis, that ids wife was riding on some distance ahead of him when a pine burr fell, striking the mare. The horse began to rear and soon be came unmanageable, and threw Mrs. Inman. In the fall Her foot caught in the stirrup, -while she still hold on to the long rope bridle. She fell near a stump and the horse wont round and round it, drugging her against it, hitting her head and breaking her nock. Horan to her assistance and she asked Him “to take her down from the horse.” After laying l»er on the grass lie mounted ids horse and galloped off for assistance. The glaring inconsistencies of his story were too apparent. That his wife should speak after her neck was broken, or that site should ask to he taken off a horse that had been dragging her along the ground were discrepancies which oven the excitement of tin* occasion could not cover over. At the coroner’s inquest, lie re peated his statement, investiga tion showed that there was no horse’s tracks around the stump, hut that he had been driven up to it. The sand and broken splinters showed that some one had slipped off there. There was a footprint near it, to which the shoe of tHo dead woman exactly fitted. In the woods near by, were found two pine knots of different sizes, on each of which was found blood and hair. Two indentations on her skull were found to correspond in size with the ends of the two pine knots. A tree about five feet dis tant was spattered with blood, and Airs. Inman’s fingers wero broken, as though slu' had put her hand to her head to ward off the blow.— Her pocket was found to be turned inside out, and the #000 were gone. A handsome necklace and locket, which she had long worn, were also missing. These facts taken togeth er with the folly of His going a half mile for assistance, and making no effort to give relief, made it clearly evident that there had been foul play, and that Alfred Inman was a murderer. He made no effort to escape, al though he was offered money and a horse before a warrant was issued. The excitement Mas intense throughout tHo county, and while no violence was attempted, there m ;is a firm determination that the law should be enforced. The case was set for trial at the April term, but the defense claimed that justice could not lie done on account of popular prejudice, and it was there fore postponed till June, M'hen Judge Carswell called an adjourned term for tire express purpose of try ing the case. The prisoner was represented by Judges Twiggs and Hook, Augus ta; Hines, of Sandersvillo, and Messrs. Fielder, Camp & Williams, of the local bar. (Solicitor-General Gamble was as sisted by Col. John D. Ashton, of Waynesboro, and \V. C. Livingston, of the local bar. The evidence brought out was essentially the same as that developed at the coro ner’s inquest. The argument was full and exhaustive on both sides, and after three hours absence the jury returned a verdict of guilty. Large crowds were in daily at tendance, and no'trial for years has created so much interest and ex citement. There is but one opin ion as to the justness of tlio verdict. Throughout the entire trial, the prisoner’s mother—an old lady— lias licon with him, watching and working for him. She lias engaged tlio best counsel to be procured, and left nothing undone in His be half. The prisoner received the verdict witli the same dogged in difference which lias marked his conduct over since the commission of the crime. He refused to have anything to say in reference to it. Prisoner’s counsel gave notice of a motion for a now trial, and the mo tion will be argued at tlio fall ses sion of tlio court. The details of the evidence, which is entirely circumstantial, as re ported by Mr. Fitzgibbons, arc of the most sickening nature. The body of the murdered woman was a mass of bruises. She was a wo man about thity-two years of age, and the mother of six children, the oldest of which is only fourteen years of age. She had tlio respect of the entire community, and the frequent brutal treatment of the man who had M asted Jiis own and the 1 largest portion of her fortune had long ago won £jr her the sym pathy of the best people of tlu* county. There is, we understand, but little probability of a new trial being granted, and it is more than likely that her murder will be avenged by the death of Inman at the hands of the law. C'incAdo, June 22.—At Kensing ton,; sixteen miles south of Chicago, tlio discovery was made yesterday of a horrible murder. Edward Ve- runuler, a laborer, beat his wife, and fearing that her husband in tended to murder her, she dragged herself to the nearest neighbor’s and related the story, that one Sun day morning, last October, Verim- uler sent her son (bis stop-son) aged It) years, to make some small pur chases. Thu boy returned with the change II) cents short. The brutal step-father thereupon pounded and beat the hoy to death, and took up the kitchen floor, and buried his body, Sinee murdering ids step-son, lie lias made several savage attacks mi bis wife, that of yesterday being likely to result in her death, as she was about to become a mother.— The body of her son was discover ed under the floor. Verunuler is in jail. There arc threats of lynching him, A HIM, To be Entitled an Act to Prescribe the Manner of Making and Work ing Public Roads; to enforce the same, and for other purposes. Jle it enacted by the General As sembly of the State of Georgia that, from and after the passage of this Act, 1. All roads now used by the pub lic; all roads laid out for general use by an act of the General Assembly, or by a court of competent jurisdic tion, shall be public roads until changed by a court of competent jurisdiction. No public road shall be less than twenty or more than thirty feet wide. 2. The officer or court in each county in this State having the general management and control of county art'fairs shall have origi nal and complete jurisdiction in the enforcement of all laws applicable or appertaining to tho^public roads in said county. The term Road Court, M’hen used in Ibis Act, shall refer to such officer or court in each county. 8. Any person desiring the estab lishment, vacation, or alteration of a public road, shall file in the Road Court of the proper county) a peti tion in substance as folloM’s: “Georgia, ^ To the Road Court County.) of said County: The undersigned ask that a pub lic road commencing at, , and running thence , and terminating at , 1)0 estab lished, vacated, or altered, (as the case may be).” Before tiling such petition tlio Rond Court shall require the peti tioner to file in said office a bond, with sureties, to lie approved by said court, conditioned that all ex penses growing out of the applica tion Mill be paid by the obligors in case the contemplated road is not finally established, vacated, or al tered, as asked for in the petition.— When such bond lias been approv ed, the Road Court .shall appoint three commissioners, M'ho shall ex amine into the public utility of the establishment, vacation, or altera tion of said public road; and if they find the same Mill be beneficial, they shall mark out said new road, or vacation, or alteration in the old road, and make a report of their action under oath to the Road Court within the time specified in the order. If the report is favorable to tli(> petition, the Road Court shall publish a citation at the door of tlio court house, and in a public gazette, if there is one in the county, giving a particular description of said hom’ road, or vacation, or alteration of the old road, notifying all persons that on and after a certain day, therein named, said new road, or vacation, or alteration of old road, will bo finally granted if no good cause is sliou’u to the contra ry. All persons OM’ning lands through M’liich said road passes, must be at tlio sumo time notified in MTiting, personally, or at their most notorious place of abode, that they may make tlieir claim for damages, or be forever estopped. 4. When any person shall feel aggrieved by any road proposed to 1)0 laid out through any of ids lands, unless othonvise provided in the charter thereof, or some special law, ho may petition in MTiting the Road Court, and a warrant shall issue, directed to the Sheriff of the county, to summon from the vicin age a jury of freeholders to try such question of damage, M’ho shall be sM’orn by some Justice of the Peace, to truly and impartially assess any damage the mviier of said lands will sustain by reason of such new or altered road, and said Justice shall preside at their deliberations, f>. No person shall bo a compe tent juror M’ho claims any damage of the county or person for the same or any similar road, or M’ho M’ould bo disqualified if the trial m us before tlu' Superior Court. (i. The jury shall inspect the road and land in person, unless al ready familiar M’ith them, and sM’cnr any witnesses that tlio own er or any person on tlio part of the county may offer us to their opinion of tlio damages sustained. 7. The Sheriff shall notify the Justice of the Peace and the ou ner of the land of tlio day and place of trial, and shall summon to attend tlion and there as witnesses, any person ns may he designated by such owner or petitioner, K. He shall fix the time and plaee, tlio time not less than five nor more than ten days, and the place as near the land as tbe proper housoroom can be obtained. !>. At the time of trial, any per son in interest may object to the Imptiniioling any Juror for cause, and if for this or any other reason, there are not twelve jurors im- piunieled and sworn, the Sheriff shall procure tales jurors. It). The trial may bo postponed or continued from day to day until completed, and if Hie Justice of the Peace summoned to attend shall fail to preside, the Sheriff must sup ply the vacancy from some other 1 list riot. 11. If a mistrial occurs, the Sher iff shall proceed de noru to sum mon other jurors, and all the pro ceedings shell be the same as at the first trial, and so on until there is a verdict. 12. The judgment in such cases may be certioraried by the county or the owner of the lands, as in certiorari from forcible entry and detainer trials, and if a new trial is ordered, they shall proceed to pro cure a trial as previously. 1!). When such judgment becomes final, all papers appertaining there to must be tiled in the office of the Road Court, M’bicli court must grant an order for the damages assessed in favor of the land owner, Hut if such court is satisfied that such damages transcend tlio utility of such road or that part of it, they may revoke the road altogether, or order the same altered so as to avoid the land so damaged, or make the oM’ncr an offer of such compensa tion as they may think just. 1-1. In estimating the value of tlio land M’hen taken for public uses it is not restricted to its agricultural or productive quiditics,but inquiry may be made as to all other legitimate uses to M’hicli the property could be appropriated. Prospective and con sequential damages resulting there from may also be taken in consid eration if tlio same are plain and appreciable, and on the other hand, the increase of tlio value of the land from tlio proposed public improve ment may be considered, but in no case shall the owner be deprived of the actual value of ids land by such estimated increase. 15. If any person shall alter any public road or cut a ditch across or alter tlio location of any bridge or make any new bridge necessary by his act without first obtaining an order therefor, or if any person shall make any fence or cut any tree or make any like obstructions in or across any public road M’liicli is not removed in tu’o days and a safe and convenient xvay at the time of obstruction made for travel ers, lie shall be punished by a fine not exceeding fifty dollars or im prisonment not exceeding thirty days or to M’ork in the chain gang not exceeding thirty days; any one or all of these punishments may be ordered in the discretion of the court. 111. All male inhabitants in this State between the ages of sixteen and sixty shall be subject to work on tlio public roads for five days in the year 1884 and five days in tlie year 1885 and five days in eacli year thereafter. There shall not be any exemption; Provided nevertheless, that each person M’hen required to do said M’ork may pay two dollars in lieu of the same and shall receive a written exemption from said five day’s work. 17. A person liable to road duty M’hen required to M’ork shall receive from one of the overseers a MTitten or printed notice, u’hich notice shall state M’hen and M’liore said person shall appear to commence M’ork, M'hicli notice shall be served on said person personally or bo left at ids most notorious place of abode two days before tlie time to begin M’ork. 18. When any person so liable to M’ork shall have been so notified and shall fail to appear and answer the notice or after appearing and ansM’ering, shall fail or refuse to work in a proper manner or shall bo disobedient or disrespectful to any Overseer or any foreman ap pointed by such Overseer, such per son shall be punished by a line not exceeding thirty dollars; imprison ment not exceeding thirty days or to work in the chain gang on the public works not to exceed thir ty days, any one or all of those pun ishments may bo ordered in tlio discretion of the court. 19. it shall be the duty of tlio Road Court to employ such (Superintend ents, Overseers, Engineers, (Survey ors and laborers as may be neces sary to carry into full effect and to enforce in a proper manner all the road laws. Tlio number as well as tlio salaries and condition of tlie contracts to bo fixed and regulated in each county by tlie Road Court for that county. To furnish such lumber, mules, plank, stone, brick, pipe, M’tigons, carts, tents, plows, scrapers, rollers, spades, picks, hoes, rakes, in short, such implements and material as may bo necessary in ouch couuty for working and re pairing the roads in a proper man ner, paying for them out of the road fund. To bold courts at such times and places as may bo necessary for a proper enforcement of the law, the court shall convene for road purposes at least once a month. To try all defaulters and offenders, To see that all the officers under them do their full duty. To have a list made out a. the end of each month of all persons M’ho have been sum moned to work on the public roads; on said list it shall be stated M’ho has worked; M'ho has paid money in lieu of M’ork; M’ho are defaulters and M’hat disposition lias been made „ of each case. (This list shall be posted at the court bouse door and at one of the most public places in each malitia district in which tlie parties reside or sojourn.) To in spect the work on the roads; to see that the- law is properly enforced, in short, to do and perform all such acts as reasonably appertain to their office. 20. It shall be tbe duty of the Superintendents and Overseers to summon for labor all persons liable to work on the public roads, to re ceive and account for all commuta tion money, to report all defaulters and to arrest the same and carry them before tbe court, to attend the courts M’hen notified, to superin tend M’ork on tlie public roads; to guard all convicts turned over to them for labor; to care for all prop erty; to employ laborers, and in short, to do and perform all acts reasonably appertaining to their office. Each Superintendent and Overseer sliall give such bond and security for all money or property that shall go into tlieir hands, and for a faithful performance of tlieir duty, as shall be required by the Road Court in each county. 21. It shall be the duty of all en gineers, surveyers and laborers to work in accordance with tlie terms and conditions of their contracts. 22. Any Superintendent or Over seer, being detected in cruelty or injustice to a convict or person M’orking under him, or failing in anyway to discharge any duty shall not only he liable to a forfeiture of his bond, but sliall be liable to a fine not exceeding one hundred dollars, imprisonment not exceeding fifty days, or to labor in the chain gang on tlie public works not exceeding tliirty days, any one or all of these punishments may be ordered in tlie discretion of the court. 23. Tn any county in which tlie labor, commutation money and fines are not sufficient to put and keep all the public roads, causeways and bridges in good order and to defray all tlie expenses incident to M’ork ing tlie same, the Road Court on recommendation of tlie Grand Jury shall assess and have collected a tax to he called the road tax not exceeding fifty per cent on the State tax for each and every year tlie same may bo necessary. 24. It* sliall bo tlio duty of tlie County Treasurer in each county to receive and disburse on order of tlie Road Court all money belonging to said fund. He sliall give bond in such an amount and M’ith such se curity and M’ith such conditions as shall be prescribed by the Road Court in each county. This fund ho shall keep separate from all other county money, and for his services ho shall get one and a Half per cent, on all sums received, and one and a half per cent, on all sums paid out. 25. Any OM’ner, manager, or oc cupant of land failing or refusing to furnish a list of all persons on said land liable to road work, M’hen called on so to do, or wilfully fur nishing a false or incomplete list, shall on conviction before the Road Court, bo fined in a sum not exceed ing tM’onty dollars, or be imprison ed not exceeding thirty days, either or both, in tlio discretion of the Court. 2(5. It shall be tlio duty of all Railroad Companies to keep in good order tlie crossings of tlieir roads, as M’ell as the public roads over their right of M’ay. Any such crossing or public road not being In good or dot, tlio public road over seer shall notify the railroad over seer or section master of the con dition of said road or crossing, and on ills failing or refusing to put the same in good order within five days, tlie public road overseer sliall do such work as may bo needed on tlie same, and the Railroad Compa ny sliall forfeit five times tlio val ue of said M’ork, to bo recovered in a suit at tlie instance of tlio public road overseer for tlio county, which money when recovered sliall bo paid into the road fund. 27. That all fines and forfeitures collected by virtue of this Act shall be paid to tlio County Treasurer as a part of the road fund. 28. That all roads on county lines, and all bridges across streams on county lines, shall be worked ami kept in good condition at the Joint expense of tlio adjoining counties. 29. That all laws and parts of laws, and all Acts or parts of Acts, 111 conflict with this Act, shall lie and the same tiro hereby repealed. The “lap of luxury” is M hen the cut gets into tlio cream. HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS. WHAT I’D 1)0 FOB II HU. I’d swear for her— 1’tl tear for her— The Lord knows wlrnt I’d benrfor her: I’d lie for her— I’d sigh for her— I’d drink the Ohio dry fur her: I’d cuss for her— Do wuss for hee l’d kick up a thundering muss for her: I’d weep for her— I’d leap for hee l’d go without any sleep for her: I’d light for her— I’d Idle for hee l’d walk the streets all night for her: I’d plead for her— I’d bleed for her— I’d do without my feed for her: I’d hoot for her— I’d shoot for her— A rival who’ll come to suit for her: I’d kneel for hee l’d steal for her— Such Is the love I feel for her: I’d slide for her— I’d ride for hee l’d swim against wind and Ilile for her: I’d try for her— I’il cry for her— Hut—hang me If I’d die for her— Or any other woman. “Take Notice” is the name of a new mining town in Nevada. Lains Bible and bis M’ife Sarah Testament live in Crittendon, coun ty, Ky. Why are seven days like a spell of sickness? Because they make one week. “Board wanted”—as tlie young lady said when she came to a mud puddle in the sidewalk. When a man in the dock fumbles in his pocket for tlie “one dollar and costs” is it a case of fine feeling ? “What M’as your observation, Mr. Brown?” “Oh, nothing, madame. I simply said your butter ranked well.” Hens may be a little backward on eggs, but they never fail to come to the scratch when flower bods are in question. “.Sis, give me a lively subject for my composition,” said little Ben; and his sister Martha quietly re plied: “Fleas.” The American hog is forbidden to enter Germany. That shuts out the man M’ho tries to occupy four seats in a railway car. “Eat onions, sis,” is tlie Boston Post's advice to a young lady M’ho wants to know how to avoid having a moustache on her upper lip. Somebody out West is trying to find out iioM' many mules there are in tlie country. We give it up. It’s a question of muletiplication. The papers are publishing a pic- ture of Freddie Gobhardt among the “self-made men.” This is prob ably done because Freddie lias made an ass of himself. A bald-headed man who has heard that tlie hairs on a man’s head are numbered, wants to know if there is not some place where ho can obtain the back numbers. The meanest man we liave heard of this season is tlie fellow who tele graphed his sympathy to a friend who had just lost everything in speculation, and made him pay for the message. “My son,” said an American fath er, “how could you marry an Irish girl?” “Why, father, I am not able to keep two women. If I’d marry a Yankee girl I’d have to hire an Irish girl to take care of her.” A Frenchman learning the Eng lish language complained of the ir regularity of tlie verb “to go,” the present tense of which some M’ag had written out for him as follows: “I go, thou startest, he departs; m t o lay tracks, you cut sticks, they ab squatulate or skedaddle.” “Dar am nuffin dat ruins a nigger more suddener,” said Undo Nash, solemnly, to his eldest hopeful, “dan de custom of visitin’ hen-roosts in do full ob de moon. It tun M’oll enough to tackle do watermillyun patches when de queen ob night am sailin’ round in short neck an’ low sleeves, becuz bo squiiM’k ob a twist ed watermillyun vine tun not liko de squawk ob a red-headed roosterer when you done pluck him out ob do hen-patch. But take de roosterer when do moon tun on do half shell. During a heavy shower, a busi ness man, carrying a very M et um brella, entered the Astor House, to pay a call to some one upstairs.— After placing his umbrella where It might drain, ho M’roto upon a piece of paper anil pinned to it the words: “N. U.—This umbrella belongs to a man M’ho strikes a two-hundred-and fifty-pound bhnv. Back in fifteen minutes.” IIo went his way up stairs, and after an absence of fif teen minutes, returned to find Ids umbrella gone, and in its place a note reading: “1*. H.—Umbrella taken by a man M’ho walks ten miles an hour. Won’t bo back at all.”