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1> OSITIYELY CAS H.
THE TRUE CITIZEN.
Volume 8.
Waynesboro, Georgia, Saturday, June 15th, 1889.
Number 7.
L. C. Haysk, J. T. Newbery.
President. Cashier.
Planters Loan % pavings Bank,
821 Broad St., AUGUSTA, GA,
Cap!tal—All Paid in Cash, $100,000.
With Stockholders liability which guaran
tees absolute safety to all depositors.
This is the oldest Savings Bank in this city
with an nnbroken record of nearly 20 years.
It transacts a general Banking business in
all of its branches, and is authorized to re
ceive and disburse money, securities or prop
erty in trust, and to act as financial agent for
any person firm or corporation.
Interest alioweil on deposits in the
Savings Department. apr20,’89-by
Two distinct earthquake
shocks were felt at Nashville on
Friday. A number of the citizens
abandoned their houses, and took
to the streets.
gpgr Collector Crenshaw lias
sent in his resignation. He had
not yet received a request, hut
doubtless thought it would be a lit
tle less harrowing to this feelings
to take time by the forelock.
The report comes to us
f ru m Washington that Col. Buck
walked into the post office depart
ment with a two bushel basket
piled up with recommendations for
dismissal from 4th class offices.
Wonder if Waynesboro is on the
list.
i0~ Cordele has organized an
.$100,000 investment company.
The population of Cordele is 1,500,
Waynesboro claims 2,000, and yet
its enterprises lag, and do not keep
pace with less favored places. Re
member God made the country,
but men make a city.
GUANO JOKY PRESENTMENTS.
June Term, 1SS9,
Amasa Sprague, of Rhode
Island, was at one time of his life
worth about .110,000,000. He is now-
glad to work at a salary of $400.
He is a brother of Ex-Gov. Sprague,
and was the senior member of the
great firm which at one time run
the state government of Rhode Is
land.
A company with ample
capital has been organized in El-
berton to establish a cotton factory.
Work will begin at once. Elberton
is not as large as Waynesboro, and
yet we have no bank or cotton
factory. It is true that Waynes
boro has an oil mill, but so has
Elberton.
£J§T The troubles along the
Conemaugh valley are not yet over.
The floods have subsided but death
dealing epidemics are putting in
their terrible appearance, diph
theria, typhoid fever, and pneumo
nia have broken out, and serious
apprehensions are entertained that
they will spread all over that
.stricken country.
Telegrams yesterday say
that Seattle, W. T., is burning and
the fire was beyond control, and
the local fireman were helpless in
face of the awful calamity and
were telegraphing in all directions
for aid. The heart of the city was
in a blaze, many of the handsomest
buildings had been destroyed, with
the outlook that at least 20 blocks
more would go. Loss estimated at
$20,000,000.
Philadelphia crontributions
to the Johnstown sufferers foot up
$000,000. New York will even ex
ceed this amouut. The great ten
der heart of this country when
touched, responds with generous
throbs to every demand made upon
it. When the offices are to be de-
vided we quarrel and wrangle, but
let misfortune come, and the Al
mighty speak to us in anger, then
we gather closely together and in
deed area band of brothers.
£er Maj. Barnes, who so well
represents this district in congress,
while passing through Atlanta was
pumped by one of its ubiquitous re
porters, and he expressed the opin
ion that President Harrison would
not call an extra session of congress.
The Republicans when congress
meets will want to show their full
strength, and hence will wait until
the elections are hadj in the new
states, so that the hoped for acces
sions will swell their slim majority.
The breaking of the dam
which caused disaster along the
Conemaugh valley, has set a num
ber of cities to thinking. If the
Croton dam, which helps to supply
New York with water, should break
the town of Nyach would be swept
away. There are also a number
of other towns similarly situated.
They will all be restless for a while,
and then the sense of danger will
go to sleep, and not wake up until
anotner disasteroccurs. Every'day
the population of the country be
comes more dense, and of course
such overflows will become more
destructive in proportion as the
country increases in population and
wealth.
gp&~ The coroner’s jury which
investigated the cause of the Cone
maugh disaster, condemns the fish
ing club for neglect of repairs.
Doubtless the club was careless,
but self preservation should have
prompted the people whose lives
■were endangered to look after their
■own safety, If the club was care
less. the victims were undoubtedly
indifferent. One was no more too
blame than the other. Our misfor
tunes if not of our own seeking, are
oftentimes traceable to our care
lessness and negligence. Its a part
and parcel of human nature,
we are all down with the same
complaint, and a fellow feeling
should draw us closer together
>vhen misfortunes come upon us.
GEORGIA—Berk e County.
We the Grand Jurors chosen and
sworn for the June term of Burke
Superior court, make the following
general presentments:
We have made through the differ
ent committees as thorough an in
vestigation of county affairs as our
limited time permitted.
We beg to report that we have ex
amined the books of the county
commissioners and find them in
such condition as to warrant
the statement from us that the af
fairs of the county are in the hands
of proper men. We find from the
commissioners books that there are
not any bonded constables in the
70th, 71st*, 72d and 74th districts.
This being the proper time for the
election of five (5) commissioners
of the Board ot Roads and Reve
nues, we have selected to fill the po
sition for the term of four years, the
following-named gentlemen: J. J.
Jones, W. C. Palmer, W. J. Wimber
ly, J. C. Brigham and Henry White.
Upon an examination of the af
fairs of the county court, we find
the dockets properly kept and the
records complete.
We find the last disbursement of
funds on December, 1SS8. The ac
counts of the different officers
claiming and having proper ac
counts for insolvent cost shows that
Bal. due solicitor, includ
ing old acc’ts $ 442 60
Bal. due bailiff including
old acc’ts 102 85
Bal. due solicitor,pro tern. 10 00
One arrest by marshal 125
Total ain’t due officers De
cember, 1888 $ 556 70
Ain’t turned over to
county judge
by bailiff $ 400 00
PM pro rata to coun
ty solicitor 315 25
PM in full sol. pro
tern 10 00
PM in full to mar
shal 1 25
P’d pro rata a biliff. 73 50-400 00
Bal. due officers at De
cember, 1888 156 70
The next distribution of funds by
the county judge will be after the
June term of said court, on the 3d
Monday; no money being in the
hands of the county judge from
fines and costs, but are held by the
collecting officers until required to
settle.
We find the books of the sheriff’s
office correctly kept and suggest
that he exercise more care as to
their neatness.
Upon investigation of the books
and records of the ordinary and
clerk we find the keeping of the
respective offices in strict business
form, which certainly reflects great
credit on our county and the pres
ent incumbents.
We find the public buildings of
the county in good condition. The
jail neatly kept and the prisoners
well cared for.
Upon an examination of the tax
collector’s books we find the follow
ing; amounts in arrears, insolvent
taxes and taxes in process of collec
tion in the following districts-:
60th and 62d Dist $ 946 55
61st “ 603 30
63d “ 170 45
64th “ 137 97
65 th “ 144 20
66 th “ 186 60
67th “ 156 35
68th “ 103 15
79th “ 32 55
70th “ 167 25
71st “ 113 95
72d “ 113 40
73d “ 151 20
74th “ 152 57
75th “ 86 87
Total Amount $ 3,366 36
Ain’t p’d Tax Receivers
Coras, to state 388 88
Ain’t p’d County Treas.... 18,529 23
“ “ State Sch’l Com.
draft 5.411 15
“ “ Poll Tax C. S. C. 3,000 00
“ “ State Tax 2,500 00
“ on hand including
Commissions 2,467 36
Total $35,662 98
Total ain’t on Tax
Digest $35,542 96
Am’t collected not
on Digest.... 120 02—35,662 98
We commend the tax collector as
a faithful and efficient officer.
We find the accounts and vouchers
of the county treasurer correct and
the duties of this office faithfully
performed, he having balance on
hand May 31st, 1889, $6,524 48, as
will appear by appended report:
STATEMENT.
THOMAS QUINNEY, Treasurer. in account
with the Treasury of Burke County.
1889. DK.
May 30. To Bal. shown to be on
hand when settlement
was made wit h County
Comm’s’rs May 30, ’89 ... $ 8,493
Junel. To J.J. Jones, office rent
principal and interest 61 75
$ 8,555 63
CR.
May 31. By L. J. Belt, $ 4 00
“ J. A. Carswell, 2 00
“ G. O. Warnock. 4 00
!► Walton Lovett, 2 00
W. H. Bullard, 2 00
“ County Bonds,
prem. and int. 1,931 15
“Mrs. W . O .
Crymes int. on
bond 28 00
“Mrs. W . O .
Crymes, int. on
bond
“ M r s. \V . O .
Crymes, int. on
bond
“ Abbie Berrien,
23 00
28 00
2 00—$ 2,031 15
$ 6,524 48
Balance on band
We find the several dockets of
justices-of-the-peace. notaries pub
lic and ex-officio justices-of-the
peace, correct,and recommend that
the county commissioners furnish
each officer with a properly ruled
and printed docket for the purpose
of uniformity.
We recommend J. C. Hill for
notary public and ex-officio J. P.,
for the 72d district.
We note with pleasure the good
condition of the roads in the 60th
and 62d districts and the “roads and
bridges” throughout the county are
in fair condition with the following
exceptions. In the 74th district the
road by the “crab apple” place is
reported as bad; also in the 67th
from Ray’s bridge to Green’s Cut
and the bridge below Thomas’ sta
tion on the Central R. R. is in a
dangerous condition. .We recom
mend that the county commission
ers have a causeway constructed
below Hatcher’s mill on road lead
ing from Alexander to Thompson’s
bridge.
Whereas, the matter of public
roads is being agitated throughout
the state and in yiew of the fact
that our county was not represent
ed in the late road congress held
in Atlanta. We beg to say that we
heartily concur in any move look
ing to a change in the present roads
and we urge upon our representa
tives to co-operate and use their best
efforts to the passage of a general
law which will give us a better
road system.
We recommend and coneeed in
the recommendation recently
made by the Richmond county
grand jury that the term of a grand
juror shall extend to the next term
of the court when their successors
are sworn in, but that they receive
no pay except for actual attend
ance at court.
We call upon our representatives
in the lower house of legislature to
urge the passage of bill making it a
misdemeanor to hunt or fisli upon
private lands in the county of
Burke without the consent of the
owner or the party in charge there
of.
In view of the fact that this body
has so limited a time for the inves
tigation of county affairs,and deem
ing it a matter of great importance
to tho public good we have
elected the following named gen
tlemen, H. H. Perry, W. M. Fulch
er and H. P. Jones, whose duty it
shall be to make a thorough exami
nation of all records and papers of
each public official of the county.
This examination to extend from
June, 1889, and until December, 1889,
to which grand jury they shall
make their report and we recom
mend that the county commission
er remunerate said committee of
investigation commensurate with
the duties performed. We have
investigated as thoroughly as our
time would allow the public school
system of our county, and while
some complaint has been made to
us from different parts of the coun
ty in referonce to the distribution
of the funds, yet we are constrained
to believe that the board of educa
tion have discharged the delicate
duties assigned them, faithfully
and to the best of their ability.
We respectfully suggest that the
board of education give to the city
of Waynesboro two schools, instead
of as now, one.
We have carefully examined the
books, papers and vouchers of Prof.
J. H. Roberts, your county school
commissioner, and take great pleas-
in saying that everything is accu
rate and correct.
All needful information concern
ing the public school system of
your county can be obtained by
carefully reading the able and ex
haustive report of your county
school commissioner which report
we recommend be published by the
board of education for distribution
throughout the county.
We congratulate the people upon
the financial condition of our coun
ty. There are now outstanding
$4,200 worth of bonds which we
lfearn from the commissioners can
now be retired as there is a suf
ficiency of money in the treasury
for that purpose, besides a surplus
necessary for current expenses for
the year. Should the holders of
the bonds be unwilling to surren
der them we recommend that our
county commissioners use this
money as they may deem best to
offset the interest accruing on
bonds. Sureiy our commission
ers deserve the thanks of the county
for the very able manner in which
they have managed the finances of
the county.
To his Honor, Judge Roney, the
thanks of this body are cordially
extended for his many courtesies
and also to Solicitor Wright for the
aid and information rendered this
jury in the discharge of its duties.
We recommend that these present
ments be published in The True
Citizen.
Randolph Ridgely, Foreman,
Jas. J. Palmer,
J. Rufus Rogers,
Lawson E. Brown,
John F. Bates, .
Geo. W. Dwelle,
Leonidas L. Johnson,
James H. Mackenzie,
Walter S. Godbee,
James J. Boyd,
Edwin Fulcher,
Reuben C, Chance,
Robert H. Burton,
James Attaway,
John C. Hill,
William R. Con,
Greek O. Buxton,
Patterson D. Cox,
John M. McCullers,
Julian L. Fulcher, Secretary.
The Bagging Question.
Augusta Chronicle, June8th.
Charleston, S. C. June 7,1889.
Mr. Z. W. Carwille, Augusta, Ga.:
Dear Sir—So many statements
are being published in the papers
on the subject of cotton bagging as
a substitute for jute bagging, that
a few plain figures, based on the
actual market quotations, may be
of use to practical men who wish
to look at the matter in a business
way.
The average quantity required of
45-inch wide jute bagging per bate
is o}-2 yards, or for a 7,000,000 bale
crop 45,000,000 yards. The quota
tions to-day for l 3 ^ pound bagging
(the weight generally used)are 8%c.
New York, 8% Charleston, 91^ New
Orleans, averaging, say 8%c. per
yard; 45,500,000 yards at 8J 8 c.
costs $4,038,125.
This at \% pounds per
yard, weighs 78,750,000
pounds, which, sold as
cotton at 9c., is 7,087,500.
Showing profit to planter $3,049,375.
Cotton bagging, as now made,
is 26 inches wide, and will require
8 yards to equal 6,‘J yards of jute
bagging. For a 7,000,000 bale crop
this would require 50,000,000 yards,
which, at 12jJc. would cost the
planters of the South $70,000,000.
At ,%-pound per yard
this would weigh 42,-
000,000 pounds, which,
sold as cott’n at 9c,would be 3,780,000.
Showing a loss to planter
on a 7,090,000 bale crop. .$3,220,000
The actual difference to the South
of substituting cotton for jute bag
ging would, therefore, be an actual
loss on the cotton bagging
of $3,220,000.
And throwing away a
profit on jute of 3,049,375.
Which is equal to 90c.
per bale, or $6,269,375.
There is, besides, great uncertain
ty as to the unsuitableness of thin
j?4-pound cotton bagging as proper
protection of cotton against weath
er and dirt, and the great probabili
ty also that all cotton for export
may, when it reaches the vessel,
have to be recovered at the ex
pense of the interior seller.
When it has been arranged with
the markets of the world to take
cotton at actual taro, it may be
well, possibly, for planters to cover
their cotton with cotton bagging;
but until this has been satisfactory
adjusted the result of this new de
parture may prove to be a serious
loss to the South, and it will be
well for our people to go slowly
until it has been positively estab
lished with the trade as to this very
important matter. We would sug
gest that the planters correspond
witn the cotton exchanges, and if
possible, arrange to have tare of
cotton covering determined. This
will require time, but it is better to
start right than, by taking the
chances, to lose millions. The mot
to with our farmers should be, “Be
sure you are right, and then go
ahead,” and they should not allow
their prejudice to get the better
ot their judgments.
Yours truly,
F. W. Wagener, & Co.
Severe Cases ol Blood Poison.
Thousands suffer from blood poison, who
would be cured if they gave B B B, (Botan
ic Blood Balm) a trial, Send to the Blood
Balm Co, Atlanta, Ga, for hook of wonderful
cures, that convince the most skeptical, It
is sent free.
J O Gibson, Meridian, Miss, writes: “For
a number of years I suffered untold agonies
from blood poison. Several prominent, phy
sicians did me little if any good, I began
to use B B B with very little faith, but, to
my utter surprise It has made me a well and
hearty person.”
Z T Hallerton, Macon, Ga, writes: “1 con
tracted blood poison, I first tried physi
cians, and then went to Hot Springs, I re
turned home a ruined man physically,
Nothing seemed to do me any good, My
mother persuaded me to try B B B, To my
utter astonishment every ulcer quickly
healed.”
Benj Morris, Atlanta, Ga, writes: “I suf
fered years from syphilitic blood poison
which refused to be cured by all treatment,
physicians pronounced it a hopeless case
I had no appetite, I had pains in hips and
joints and my kidneys were diseased, My
throat was ulcerated and my breast a
mass of running sores. In this condition I
commenced a use of B B B, It healed every
ulcer and sore and cured me completely
within two months.”
HUNTING Tl'KTLKS.
Bare Sport on tlie Toast Off Savannah.
Savannah News.
Turtle hunting and hunting turtle
eggs on the beach is a favorite
moonlight pastime with marooning
parties, and as profitable sometimes
as it is pleasant, for turtles com
mand a ready sate in the Northern
markets, and during the season are
shipped largely by the steamship
lines to New York and other North
ern cities. The eggs are an epi
curean dish and much sought after.
Mr. R. W. Buntz, an engineer of the
Central railroad,came np fom Tybee
last Saturday night with B. N. El
kins, Joseph Ileintz and A. W.
Clark, from a maroon on Warsaw,
and brought a 500-pound turtle, one
of four which they “turned” on
Warsaw beach last Friday night.
In addition, the hunters had 150
eggs. Two of the turtles were sent
to Thunderbolt, one was butchered
on the island, and the other was
brought to the city and taken to Mr.
Buntz’s residence on York street.
Its flappers were securely bound
with ropes. On the way over from
Warsaw on the south end of Tybee
island, it required five men to carry
it from the landing and put it on
board of the train. The turtles lay
their nests of eggs in a season, de
positing the eggs in the sand, care
fully covering them up, and skill
fully trying to hide all trace of the
crawl when they leave the nest.
The turtles come out by daylight
and moonlight when the tide is
about three-fourth ebb and scoop
out the nest just above high water
mark. The eggs, which are the
size of a hen’s egg, are hatched by
the heat of the sun and sand in
fifteen days, when the young turtles
scratch their way through the sand
and make for the sea. No matter
whicji direction the little turtle is
turned, if it is not in the direction
of the beach its faces about and
makes for the deep. The first nest
of eggs is laid during the full moon
of May and the first full moon of
June, and the two successive nests
in the full moon of July and August,
This is the last seen of the turtle
on the beach. A nest ranges from
125 to 175 eggs, and as all of them
hatch that are not discovered and
destroyed 500 young turtles is the
annual progency of a single turtle.
There are three species of deep sea
turtle. The loggerhead, which
weighs from 300 to 400 pounds. An
expert can turn the largest sized
turtle on his back by a dexterous
flip, catching it by the shell aft, and
overturning it lengthwise. On its.
back, the amphibian is helpless.
The desire to escape predominates
in the turtle, and he never shows
fight. "Col. R. D. Walker tells of a
turtle hunt last season where his
party, having caught ail they
wanted one night, found a very
large turtle, and two men steadied
the colonel on its back and he rode
in triumph to the water’s edge,
where he jumped off and gave the
turtle its freedom tor the ride. The
green turtle is another species
rarely exceeding fifty pounds in
weight. They are principally taken
on the gulf coast. It is principally
hunted on account of the excellence
of the soup for which it is used in
hotels and restaurants, whereas
the steaks from a loggerhead are
considered to surpass choice North
ern beef in esculence and flavor.
The soft-shell turtle does not attain
to a weight greater than twenty-
five pounds, but it is even more
sought after than the green turtle,
and is considered quite a delicacy
by epicures.
Tralu Blocked by Caterpillars.
Boston, May 20.—The first freight
train run over a new branch of the
the Canadian Pacific in Maine to
day was blockaded for hours by
an army of gray caterpillars, which
swarmed upon the tracks on a
slight grade. The wheels of the
locomotive crushed the caterpillars
thus greasing the rails. A hundred
railroad laborers with alder brushes
tried to sweep them from the
tracks, but the supply was inex
haustible. Mosquitoes in swarms
set the men to swearing and bran
dishing the brushes about their
heads. The freight train finally
made a run of fifteen miles in ten
hours. Railroad officials are hunt
ing through the cyclopedtes to find
out when the caterpillars will move
on and allow the trains to run over
the new road.
Will Yon Bead Tbii for $5001
For many years the manufac
turers of Dr. Sage’s Catarrh Rem
edy, who are abundantly responsi
ble financially, as any one can easi
ly ascertain by inquiry, have of
fered, in good laith, a standing re
ward of $500 for a case of nasal
catarrh, no matter how bad or now
long standing, which they cannot
cure. The remedy is sold by drug
gists at 50 cents.
Subscribe for The Citizen.
A Faithful Servant.
Macon Telegraph, June 11th.
There was a death in Atlanta last
week about which the papers said
nothing. The man whose life went
quietly out was a feeble negro, who
was known as Old Joe, no mister to
his name and no surname—just
plain, simple old Joe. Before the
war the old man was brought from
Virginia, where he was born and
raised, to Atlanta, where he was
purchased by Judge S. B. Hoyt.
Joe was about 40 years old at the
time and soon learned to know and
love his new master and his family.
When freedom was declared Judge
Hoyt called all of his negroes in and
told them that they were free.—
“What does that mean, Marse
Sam?” asked Joe. “It means that
you can go wherever and when you
please.” “Does it mean, Marse Sam,
that I am bleeged to go?” “No;
you can stay if you wish to Joe.”
“Marse Sam, I’ll stay.” That was
the only contract ever made be
tween the judge and old Joe from
then until the day of his death,
which was last Saturday. He drew
no regular wages, but whenever he
wanted any money would ask for it
and receive it with thanks. He was
ever faithful to his old master, and
was never known to shirk his work
or to grumble at it. If Judge Hoyt
told him during the winter to make
a fire in a certain room every morn
ing, Joe would never fail to make
it, morning after morning, all the
year round, until told to stop. About
three months ago, old Joe, who was
about 70 years of age, began to fail
and although the best medical at
tention was given him, he gradual
ly weakened until last Saturday,
when his death occurred. All the
judge’s family followed the body of
this simple hut faithful African to
its last resting place in Westview
cemetery. Up to the day of his
death old Joe called the judge’s
daughter, who married Senator
Brown’s son, “Baby,” and his attach
ment for the little little lady was
touching to see. Before the sum
mer days have been numbered with
the things of the past, a marble head
stone will be placed over the old
man’s grave, on which will be in
scribed, “Sacred to the memory of
Old Joe, the faithful and true.”
Swift’s Specific cured me of ugly
and very painful boils or risings.
I had twenty-three on my back
and neck at one time and a great
many on my body. I took S. S. S.,
and two bottles cured me. This
was five years ago, and have had
no boils since.
\V. M. Miller, Arlington, Tex.
W. H. Wight, of Rogers, Ark.,
a prominent farmer and stock
grower, says that Swift’s Specific
cured him of tetter of twenty years’
standing. Of course in that time
he had a great amount of treat
ment, and says the wonder is that
he did not scratch the flesh from
his bones. S. S. S. cured him quick
and permanently.
The continueduse of mercury mix
tures poisons the system causes the
bones to decay, and brings on mer
curial rheumatism. The use ot
S. S. S. lorces impurities from the
blood, gives a good appetite and
digestion, and builds up the whole
human frame. Send to Swift Spe
cific Company, Drawer 3, Atlanta,
Ga., for treatise on blood diseases.
The Swift Specific Company,
Drawer 3, Atlanta, Ga., offer a re
ward of one thousand dollars to
any one who will find by analysis
a practice of mercury, iodide of
potash, or other poisonous sub
stance in S. S. S.
Macon News, June 11th.
About May 16, J. J. Williams,
white, and Emanuel Culpepper,
colored, of Harris county, were
convicted in the U. S. court for
violating the internal revenue
laws, and were sentenced to the
county jail say one month and to
pay a fine of $100. His honor,
Emory Speer, is not only an able
judge, but he is also a very humane
one. It being represented to him
that the prisoners were the only
support of their tamilies, and their
crops were suffering for their atten
tion, and they had been in jail
about twenty-six days he pardoned
the men out to-day and recinded
the fine against them. He dismiss
ed the men with a lecture, and
they went their way rejoicing.
“Logic is Logic.”
Now there was a case of our friend McKay:
He said to himself, in his resolute way.
That a cough which was growing from bad
to worse
Must be cured, in spite of a slender purse.
An ocean voyage was out of the question,
A Florida trip a useless suggestion;
Yet die he wouldn’t! Kis money he paid
For the “Golnen Medical Discovery,” by
Dr. Pierce made;
And as sound as a nut is his health to-day—
“Logic is logic, that’s all I say.”
“Golden Medical Discovery” is
the only medicine for the disease it
is recommended to cure, sold by
druggists under a positive guaran
tee from the manufacturers, that if
it don’t either benefit or cure in
every case, the money paid for it
will be promptly refunded.
The worst form of writer’s cramp
is being cramped for funds.
A real estate man is not a man of
words, he is a man of deeds.
A dentist refers to his collection
of extracted teeth as gum drops.
Death is like vaccination; it nev
er takes without leaving a mark.
Perhaps if the potato didn’t have
eyes, it would not so often be
inashed.
What the fast young man who
has inherited money needs is an
heir brake.
Most babies are given to chewing
gum; but cheming gum is rarely
given to babies.
There is nothing that makes a
man so warm as continually talk
ing of the heat.
The harbor may not have fought
and bled, but he has undoubtedly
dyed for his countrymen.
Pastoral innocence is not all that
it is painted. The gentle shepherds
always have crooks among them.
Four hunters who have just fired
(simultaneously at a rabbit and
failed to hit it)—“Well, I wonder
who missed that time.”
Eastern man—Is the climate of
Oklahoma healthy?
Returned Boomer—Wal, that de
pends on what sort of a fellow wants
yer claim.
The claims of the Anarchists that
their aim was to elevate their fellow
men is all right. What we object
to is the stuff they wanted to ele
vate them with.
“What is wanted in this country,”
said the bride, as she examined the
wedding presents, “is not civil ser
vice reform, but silver service re
form. This set is plated.”
If you have an enemy do not buy
his boy a drum. Your enemy would
probably kick through the sheep
skin within twenty-four hours. Buy
his next door neighbor’s boy a
drum. It will work just as well
and he can’t get at it.
Deacon Godfrey—What a beauti
ful dispensation of Providence it is
that the mind of man has been so
constituted that the memory of pain
and trouble becomes fainter and
fainter as time goes on.
Dr. Bowles—It’s pretty tough on
us doctors, though, when we come
to collect our bills.
Scapegrace—Do your spectacles
magnify everything?
Optician—I have some glasses
that magnify everything seen thro’
them.
Scapegrace—Well, I want a pair
to give to old grabhold that will
make ray income of $500 a year look
like $5,000 till after his daughter
and I are married.
“But, Herbert,” she said, “think
of the future. You cannot surround
me with the luxuries to which I
have been accustomed.”
“But your father ”
“He would do nothing for ns.”
“Does he play poker?”
“No.”
“Then I will teach him. Trust in
me, darling, and have no fear for
the future.”
First tramp—Coin’ in that house
over there, pard.
Second tramp—I tried that house
last week, I ain’t goin’ there any
more.
First tramp—’Fraid on account o’
the dog ?
Second tramp—Me pants are.
First tramp—Pants are what?
Second tramp—F-r-a-y-e-d on ac
count o’ the dog.
“Did I ever say all that?” he ask
ed despondently as she replaced
the phonograph on the corner of
the mantelpiece.”
“You did.”
“And you can grind it out of that
machine wheuever you choose^
“Certainly.”
“And your father is a lawyer?”
“Yes.”
“Mabel, when can I place the ring
on your finger and call you my
wife ?”
Wibble—“See that fellow oyer
there? Well, he was in the legisla
ture, and instead of making a big
pile he actually came back poorer
than he went.”
Wabble—“Such an example of
honesty is quite pleasant to contem
plate in these brooding days, eh,
Wibble?”
Wibble—“Oh, I don’t know that
he was any more honest than the
rest of them, but he ran against a
straight flush with four kings a few
days before the close of the ses
sion.”
Foul poisons that accumulate in the blood
and rot the machinery of the system, are
eradicated and expelled by using Prickly
Ash Bitter!, a medicine that wUl not irritate
the stomach or bowels, It acts in a gentle
manner on these delicate organs, and re
stores health In every case,