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Volume 8.
• M'
TRUE CITIZEN.
Waynesboro, Georgia, Saturday, June 22<1, 1889. Number 8.
g^T Over 2,000 people in the
Coiiemaugh valley is being fed by
the commissary department.
gfsT Heavy and destructive rain
storms have occurred in Florida
and Kansas, with a loss of both j
property and lives.
fjgr W. E. Chandler has been re- j
nominated for the senate, and the ;
bloody shirt will continue to waive ;
in spite of tide and time.
gW The grand jury at Charles
ton, has found a true bill against;
])r. McDow for the murder of Capt.
Dawson. His trial has been set for
Monday next.
gW The shah of Persia, when at
home perches himself on a throne
decked with gems and precious
stones, the value of which foot up
the neat little sum of $30,000,000.
This is richness.
gW The prohibition amend- !
incut has been defeated in Pennsyl
vania by about 200,000 majority, in
spite of the efforts and predictions
of Senator Colquitt to the contrary
notwithstanding.
tW T he rain in Savannah on j
last Monday was the heaviest fall :
for several months. The hearts of
the people of Waynesboro would
have been rejoiced if some of the |
drippings had fallen on them.
gW President Harrison is pip
ing mad because some of the news
papers say that he went fishing last
Sunday, using the yacht of the su
perintendent of Sunday schools,
the present postmaster-general.
gW The drunkards, or German
Baptists have decided that the
members must neither wear gold
watches or go to public places of
amusement, and that one who uses
tobacco must never be placed on
any committee.
gW a New York newspaper
says that there are in that city 125
men worth $1,000,000 and oyer, there
are also over 40 women classed
among the millionaires, and 1201
business firms of which at least one
of its members is good for $1,000,000.
gW The Georgia loaves and fish
es are being dished out to the ever-
faithful. Zack. Hargroves has been
made postmaster at Home, and the ]
mouths ot other applicants are wa
tering as the time for rewarding
merit draws nigh.
SLW The northern states all j
seem to favor high license, though |
Sam Jones did say that a high li
cense preacher wouldn’t be in hell
ten minutes before the devil would
haye him saddled and bridled, rid
ing him around exhibiting him as a
clerical curiosity.
State Commissioner Hen
derson’s crop reports on the 1st of
June show a falling off for the past
thirty days. Corn, cotton and oats
all suffered seriously from the
drought. The wheat harvest is un
usually good, and the fruit crop
promises an abundant yield.
gW Judge Hines, ot Sanders-
ville, on Saturday wired the jailor
at Louisville to remove the nagro
Bell, who murdered Evans at
Mathews, for safe keeping to Ma
con. The citizens of Louisville are
uneasy expecting that parties in
the neighborhood ol the murder,
will band together and in lynching
Bed, do serious damage to their
new jail.
gW Only $28,000 of the needed
$50,000 required for the Americus
road has been subscribed in Sayan- 1
nah. The business men of that city |
are too conservative to pay out
their money for any enterprise no
matter how large the indirect
profits. They want tangible four
and five per cent, of semi-annual
dividends in the “demnition cash,”
or else the railroads and every oth
er enterprise can go to the bow
wows.
gw One hundred portable hous-
es 12x20 feet have been made in
Chicago and shipped to Johnstown
to be temporarily pitched until the
real estate owners can locate the
sites of their old homes. Each one
of these houses are intended to ac
commodate six persons, and is fur
nished with a stove, six chairs, two
beds and bedclothes, mattresses,
pillows, sheets, a bureau, table and
table ware, in fact with everything
needed to go to housekeeping. If
this experiment works satisfactori
ly one thousand more houses will
be built. At present, in many In
stances owners cannot spot their
old homes until the debris is re
moved. To avoid confusion, and
trouble hereafter, these ready-made
houses will be set up at any conve
nient place and afterwards, when
the old sites are located and agreed
upon, then these houses will be
placed in permanent position,
qi’EEIlTHINGS IS THE MAIL.
Curiosities in the Dead Letter Office at Washing
ton.
New York World.
Washington, D. C., May 31.—
The dead letter office in this city is,
in one sense, the greatest museum
in the world, for here are daily re
ceived the queerest things imagina
ble. Everything that goes astray
in Uncle Sam’s mail goesto that of
fice, and in the course of a year
every conceivable kind of an arti
cle, from a paper of pins or box ot
soap to a corset and ax handle is
received. Once each year the de
partment has a clearance sale of
the miscellaneous articles which are
accumulated during the twelve
months, and about 12,000 are dis
posed of at each sale.
It is estimated that every day in
the year about 18,000 letters, parcels
and packages go astray in the mails,
nearly all ot which find their way
to the dead letter office. As fast
as received this great mass of mail
matter is assorted, opened and
classified. The dead letter office is
not very large, but it is one of the
busiest places in the national capi-
tol at any hour of the day. The
operatives employed are nearly all
women, as they are more accurate
and skillful than men in opening,
assorting, correcting and returning
the stray mail matter.
All about the room are tables
piled high with letters, parcels and
packages. About twenty-fiye men
and women are engaged here. In
the gallery above, seated at tables,
are sixty women, who do nothing
but read the letters received, in or
der to determine if they are of suf
ficient importance to be returned
to writers. All kinds of letters are
subject to their perusal, from the
dainty perfumed billet-doux filled
with love and endearing terms, to
the brief and prosaic business letter
of the hurried commercial man.
Many are the ardent messages
breathing the heart’s sweetest emo
tions that are persued by these un
sentimental women and then con
signed to the flames, for all letters
that are not returned to the wri
ters are burned. If these women
were given to gossip, many are the
mysteries they could unravel, the
tales they could tell, and in many
cases perhaps explain the reason
“that the letter that he longed for
never came.”
Misdirected and partially ad
dressed letters are turned over to a
woman, who, from long experience,
has acquired great skill in studying
out addresses, and who knows
every city, town, village and ham
let in the country. She also knows
the names of the streets in the dif
ferent cities, and in fact a verita
ble United States gazetteer. From
her almost infinite knowledge of
names and places, the faculty of
deciphering all kinds of illegible
ehirography, and her familiarity
with English, French, German,
Italian, Spanish and Russian, she
is enabled to send to the rightful
claimants, unopened, about 50 per
cent, of the misdirected and par
tially addressed letters received.
As a rule, English, German and
French are the prevailing lan
guages used in addressing letters,
although those inscribed in Italian,
Hebrew. Spanish, Arabic, Persian,
Russian, and, in fact every other
tongue reach New York from a sea
voyage, and many of them are sent
to the dead letter office to be de
ciphered and readdressed in Eng
lish, so that the postmasters whose
linguistic accomplishments are lim
ited may deliver them in the good
old Anglo-Saxon.
All letters which cannot be de
ciphered by the expert are turned
over to a force of clerks, who open
them and remove all valuables
They are then put up in packages
of 100 each and sent to the sixty
readers. Money checks, drafts and
all valuables taken from the letters
are returned to the sender, unless
the party tor whom they are in
tended can be found. Last year
nearly $10,000,000 was taken from
letters, all of which was returned
except about $0,000, the owners of
which could not be found.
Connected with the department
of the dead-letter office is a muse
um where the many curious arti
cles that come in the mails and
cannot be restored are placed on
exhibition. All about the room
are upright cabinets in which the
articles that come in the mails and
cannot be restored are placed on
exhibition. All about the room are
upright cabinets in which the ar
ticles are displayed. Here can be
seen toys, jewelry and pictures of
every description. One of the
rarest curiosities ever received and
now on exhibition, is a sheet of
parchment on which is penned the
Lord’s prayer in fifty-four different
languages. It came to New York
m 1842 in the mail trom England,
and as no trace of the owner could
be discovered it was sent to the
dead-letter office. It is said to be a
duplicate of as parchment which
hangs in St. Peter’s at Rome. A
beautiful crucifix of solid gold rests
in a case in one cabinet. It reach
ed the office marked “unclaimed”
from a southern postoffice, and no
trace of its owner could ever be dis
covered. A lady’s fan made of
stork feathers, the plumes being
richer and rarer than the finest
ostrich plumes, is without question
the handsomest thing in the whole
collection. It is magnificent fan
and no doubt graced at some time
the costume of a court beauty of the
Old World, for it was received in
the foreign mails. In one of the
cabinets is a lock of dark brown
hair, partly concealed by an envel
ope, on which is the inscription:
“This is a lock of my hair. Char
les Guiteau.” It was put in the
mail by the assassin of President
Garfield and in due time reached
the dead-letter office.
A human skull grins at the vis
itor from one cabinet, where it has
Iain for several years. It is brown
with age and came through the
mail several years ago. The only
thing to tell its story was the name,
“Jimmy McDuff,” engraved on the
frontal bone. Whether this is the
skull of Jimmy McDuff, a murderer
who was executed in the West, can
only be conjectured. A novel let
ter in the shape of a pink sea shell
on which is inscribed a tender mes
sage of love is exhibited. It reach
ed its owner in a city in Massachu
setts, who refused to pay 21 cents,
due in postage, and was sent to the
dead-letter office, where the public
may read the affectionate inscrip
tion and admire the pretty and
novel missive.
In one case are several hundred
dollars worth of gold and silver
quartz that has been receiyed from
time to time. Standing in one
corner of the case is a negro doll
that was addressed to a New York
society belle. She in some way,
discovered what it was and refused
to pay the postage due upon it.
Coins of every land and age are in
the collection. In one case is a set
of false teeth, and near them re
poses a set of blonde frizzes that
were addressed to a Boston lady,
but which were refused. An ax,
such as are used by firemen, was
received and is on exhibition. A
few years ago a can was received
at the office, and upon being opened,
sixteen rattleshakes made their
escape. Tne men and women took
elevated positions on the tables and
gave the reptiles full possession of
the floor. Finally quiet was restor
ed, and the snakes dispatched. In
one case is a a bootblack’s outfit, a
saw hammer, pair of tongs, tin cup
and hat-box, all received by mail.
Articles of wearing apparel for both
sexes are received daily. The
clerks in the office work hard, but
find many amusing things to break
the monotony of routine duties.
Baptized the Second Time.
Woodstock, Ga„ June 17.—This
section is certainly in the midst of a
religious sensation that is wonder
fully taking with the Baptist church
at this place, and also with Noon
day Baptist church three miles
south of this place. The Rev. M.
T. Martin, of Texas, and western
editor ot "‘Gospel Standard and Ex
positor,” now published in Atlanta,
has been conducting a series of
meetings at each of these churches.
To-day as the result of these meet
ings, forty-eight were baptized,
and, what is rather peculiar for
Baptists, nearly all of this number
were already members of one or
the other churches named. Some
deacons and other officials and
leading members were among the
number rebaptized, and at the af
ternoon service quite a large num
ber—all members of one of these
churches—presented themselves to
be rebaptized, claiming as all the
others that were rebaptized that
they never before had religion.
Where will it stop? and what does
it mean ? are questions among the
much comment heard to-day by
the immense crowd present.
Serere Cases ol Blood Poison.
Thousands suffer from blood poison, who
would be cured if they gave R R B, (Botan
ic Blood Balm) a trial, Send to the Blood
Balm Co, Atlanta, Ga, for book of wonderful
cures, that convince the most skeptical, It
is sent free.
J O Gibson, Meridian, Miss, writes: “For
a number of years I suffered untold agonies
from blood poison. Several prominent phy
sicians did me little if any good, I began
to use B B B with very little faith, but, to
my utter surprise it has made me a well and
hearty person.”
Z T Hallerton, Macon, Ga, writes: “I con
tracted hlood poison, I lirst tried physi
cians, and then went to Hot Springs, I re
turned home a ruined man physically,
Nothing seemed to do me any good, >fy
mother persuaded me to try B B B, To my
utter astonishment every ulcer quickly
healed.”
Benj Morris, Atlanta, Ga, writes: “I suf
fered years from syphilitic blood poison
which refused to be cured by all treatment,
physicians pronounced it a hopeless case,
1 had no appetite, I had pains in hips and
joints and my kidneys were diseased, My
throat was ulcerated anu my breast a
mass of running sores. In this condition I
commenced a use of B B B, It healed every
ulcer aud sore and cured me completely
within two mouths.”
Subscribe for The Citizen,
The Peabody Institute. i AL’STBALIA WANTS TO GKOW COTTON.
On Pike’s Peak.
Atlanta Journal.
State School Commissioner Jas. S.
Hook has prepared the programmes
for the Peabody teachers’ institutes.
The institute for white teachers will
be held at Salt Springs, lasting thir
teen days, and beginning July 22d.
The one for colored teachers will be
held in Augusta from the 19th to
the 30th of August. At Salt Springs
the regular lecturers and their sub
jects will be:
1. Lawton B. Evans, superin
tendent of schools in Augusta and
Richmond county—Primary Num
bers.
2. W. H. Woodall, principal high
schools, Columbus, Ga.—Arithme
tic, Algebra.
3. M. II. Looney, principal high
schools, at Bowersville, Ga.—Lan
guage and Grammar.
4. W. F. Slaton, superintendent
public schools, Atlanta, Ga.—Peda
gogy-
5. Otis Ashmore, Savannah, Ga.
—Geography.
0. E. C. Branson, superintendent
public schools, Athens, Ga.—Read
ing.
None of the lectures, unless for
special reasons, to exceed thirty
minutes.
In addition to the regular lectur
ers’ work there will he lectures and
addresses and rhetorical recitations,
etc., to-wit:
1. B. M. Zettler, superintendent
of public schools in Macon and
Bibb county, three lectures on
“School Management.”
2. Dr. L. B. Clifton, Macon, Ga.,
eight lectures, as follows:
(1.) Common Sense Science.
(2.) The Metamorphoses of In
sects.
(3.) The Wonders of the Insect
World.
(4.) The Sunbeam and the Rain
bow.
(5.) The infinitely large, and the
infinitely small.
(0.) How animals move.
(7.) Origin and development of
Symbolic language.
(8.) Battlefields of science.
These lectures will be fully illus
trated by means of the most com
plete philosophical instruments.
3. Miss E. F. Andrews, of Wes
leyan female college. Her themes
will be: 1st. What to say and IIow
to say it. 2d. Fashions in Litera
ture. 3d. The novel as a Work of
Art.
4. Miss Eliza Bowen, a distin-
gished teacher and scientist. Her
themes will be:
(1.) The Story of a Great Poet.
(2.) A Scientific Lady.
(3.) Story of a Story Teller.
Miss Leila Richardson, Macon,
Ga., two lectures, as follows: 1st.
“The Elocution of Expression.” 2d.
The Science of Gesture.
5. Dr. II. H. Smith, Atlanta, Ga.,
two lectures—On the Rhine and the
Alps. These will be in continuation
of the interesting lecture he gave
the institute last summer.
G. Professor S. M. Bobo, of Hart
well, Ga., principal Hartwell high
school, one lecture “IIow to Train
Youth.”
7. J. II. Chappell, president Co
lumbus female college, subject, Sci
ence vs. Literature.
8. Morgan L. Parker, president
South Georgia inale and female col
lege, Dawson, Ga. Subject not
given.
G. Bothwell Graham, superin
tendent Griffin public schools—Nor
mal Education.
Determined to Marry One of the Family.
Macon Telegraph, June 17th.
Charles Griggs and Mary Pollard,
of Atlanta, were married recently.
The story goes that Mary Pollard
nad three sisters. About six
months ago the groom had it “all
fixed up" to marry one of the four
sisters. The day before the time
set the bride died. Then the groom
decided to marry the next oldest of
the sisters, but she eloued the day
before with another darky. Then
the match was made with the next
oldest sister, but about a week be
fore this wedding was to take place
the grand jury got after the bride
and she left for parts unknown.
There was only one sister left, and
that is the one that wes married
yesterday.
A feeling of dullness and languor,
Which is not aiken to pain,
And resembles suffering only
As the,mist resembles rain,
is often the first indication of in
cipient disease. In such case the
famous “ounce of prevention” is the
nighest wisdom, and may be found
in in its most potent form in Dr.
Pierces Golden Medical Discovery,
which, by its wonderful blood puri
fying and invigorating tonic prop
erties, will quickly restore the eb
bing vitally, repair and strengthen
the system, and thus ward off threat
ening sickness. Its saving influ
ence reaches every organ of the
body. The “Discovery” is guaran
teed to cure in all cases of diseases
for which it is recommended, or
money refunded.
Commissioner Henderson sends Seed to Bris
bane.
Atlanta Constitution, June 10th.
Another country wants to grow
cotton.
The Australians are trying to
raise cotton, and that country may
become a competitor of the United
States in growing the staple. >-
Considering the fact that the area
of Australia is about the same as
that of the L T nited States, this is
a matter of considerably import
ance, for the climate and soil of
that country favor cotton America
will have an energetic and enlight
ened people for competitors.
Cotton has been tried almost
everywhere else in the civilized
world, and no country has yet been
found whose soil and climate will
produce cotton with a staple equal
to that grown in the LTiited States.
The experiment in Australia will
be watched with interest. The
climate there differs greatly from
that of any European or Asiatic
country. Animals which will
not live in the zoological gar
dens of Europe, are kept in vigor
at the Melbourne zoo.
It is an exceedingly hot and dry
climate. What will be the effect
on cotton remains to be seen, and
it will soon be seen, for the Aus
tralian department of agriculture
is making the experiment.
Last January Mr. Scriven, the un
der secretary for agriculture, wrote
from Brisbane to Commissioner
Henderson for the best two kinds
of cotton seed, and the commission
er sent him, on Febuary 2Gth, two
packages of seed, one of the Sea
Island and one of Peerless cotton.
Commissioner Henderson has the
following reply:
Department of Agriculture
Brisbane, May 7, 1889.—Sir: I
have the honor to acknowledge the
receipt of your letter of the lGth of
February, covering the dispatch
of a package of Sea Island cotton
and Peerless in compliance with
the request of this department, un
der date of the 8th of January.
I would beg that you kindly ac
cept the thanks of this department
for your courtesy.
Your desire to serve this depart
ment is in every way reciprocated,
should opportunity occur.
I have the honor to be, sir your
obedient servant.
Earnest E. Scriven,
Under Secretary for Agriculture,
'file Commissioner, Department of
Agriculture, Atlanta, Ga., U. S. A.
“They grow almost everything
*>ver there that we grow here,”
'said Commissioner Henderson, “and
they have some agricultural pro
ducts that I want to get. I shall
take advantage of Mr. Scriven’s
offer, and before long I will ask
him for a catalogue of seeds of the
product of that country.”
A Queer Story.
Denver, Col., June 15.—A story,
which reads like a romance from
the pen of Jules Verne, inspired by
Capt. Kidd, and thoughts of his far-
famed hidden treasure, appears in
a morning paper here. The article
purports to be the experience of a
Colorado Springs physician who
was asked by two mountaineers to
accompany them to a point nine
miles distant, to set the limb of a
man who was accidentally shot.
The physician was blindfolded and
kept in that condition until he
reached a cave, which entering and
having the bandage removed from
his eyes, he found to be one of the
most wonderful places he had ever
heard of. The sides of the cave
seemed to glitter strangely, and
with an array of gems which scin-
tilated like a sultan’s jewel box.
When the last splint had been ap
plied to the injured limb, the doc
tor was sitting on a flour sack, wip
ing the perspiration from his brow.
What an uncanny place this was?
Where was he? On earth or below
in the bowels of the globe, where
gnomes delve in precious metals
and goblins gloat over disappointed
seekers after wealth. The five men
present were rugged, hearty speci
mens of American manhood, and
no mishappen forms lent color to
the dread suspicions which had be
gan to form in the doctor’s mind.
The fact could not be credited. If
it was gold, fabulous wealth lay all
about him. Previous to leaving, the
doctor was presented with a large
piece of the metal. Then he was
blindfolded and taken home. The
nugget, when put to the test, proved
to be gold of fine quality. In con
clusion, the paper says: “This is no
fairy story. This paper came into
possession of the facts through the
gentlemen himself. He is now or
ganizing an expedition to find the
mysterious cave.”
Georgia Postmasters Appointed.
Washington, June 17.—The post
master-general appointed the fol
lowing fourth-class postmasters for
Georgia: Mrs. T. R. Beavers, Dun-
woody, DeKalb county; Cornelius
English, Leo, Thomas county; Jno.
11. Sims, Mazeppa, Milton county;
Geo. J. Tineher, Zebulon, Pike coun
ty, Georgia.
i Youth's Companion.
The officer in charge of the Uni
ted States Signal Service Station on
■ the top of Pike’s Peak passes his
days in a low, flat building made of
stone, and anchored and bolted to
the granite boulders. During the
winter he has no connection what
ever with the rest of the world. No
human being can ascend to his sta
tion, and it is almost impossible for
him to go down. Lee Meriwether,
who ascended the snow-coyered
mountain one July day, says that
the signal officer’s face wears that
care-worn, depressed expression
which comes from unbroken soli
tude.
“You don’t often see snow in
July ?” he said, after Iliad thawed
out before a blazing fire.
“Not often. You don’t yourself,
do you ?”
“Yes, two or three times a week.
Snow is my only water supply.—
That boiler there,” pointing to the
stove, “is full of melting snow.
Even in the heat of summer there
is always enough snow at my door
to furnish all the water needed.”
“Does not life become weary and
desolate here, so far from the
world ?”
“So much so that I sometimes tear
it will drive me crazy. My official
duties are light; they require only
an occasional inspection of the in
struments. The rest of the time I
have nothing to do but read. Too
much reading becomes wearisome.
Sometimes I stand at the window
with my telescope. The wind with
out is keen and cutting as a knife.
“I can see the houses of Colorado
Springs,” he continued, “twenty
miles away; see the visitors sittiug
in their shirt sleeves, sipping-iced
drinks to keep cool, and the ladies
walking about in white summer
robes. Then I lower the glass, the
summer scene is gone. Green trees
and animal life, men and women,
fade away like creatures in a dream
and I am the only living thing in
a world of eternal ice and snow and
silence.”
Tour Picture by Telegraph.
Chicago, June 1G.—Prof. Elisha
Gray, of Highland Park, this city,
has practically perfected an instru
ment which he calls a telautograph.
This instrument is said to be capa
ble of performing all the functions
of the electric telegraph, with the
added advantages of the telephone,
the typewriter and the phonograph.
The transmission is made from one
point to another by wire, and dis
tance cuts no figure in the service.
So closely has the true nature of the
invention been concealed that in
formation concerning it is very
meager, but that the above consti
tutes its sailent features is pretty
certain. The instrument is des
cribed as being manipulated as a
typewriter, but in addition to con
veying the sense of any communi
cation, it transmits a fac simile of
the copy, as well as any drawing,
cut or diagram.
Its telephone featured's that the in
struments can be placed in private
offices or houses so that a direct
and absolutely secret communica
tion can be carried on between two
individuals, obviating entirely the
necessity of any such middleman as
the telegraph operator. Still anoth
er advantage is gained by the use
of the telautograph. It is not ne
cessary for the receiver to be pres
ent when the communication ar
rives. The instrument is so con
trived that any message is regis
tered as it is upon a phonograph,
but it can be read with the eye
rather than heard with the ear.
A Lively Corpse.
Albany, Ga., June 17.—Negroes
coming from Sumter countv bring
the startling report that John Pick
ett, who was hanged in Leesburg
Friday, has come to life again.—
They say that the body was taken
to Sumter City for interment. While
taking it to the cemetery that after
noon strange sounds issued trom
the coffin. The negroes became very
much Heightened and ran away,
leaving the body in the road. One
negro remained with it and secured
an ax and broke open the coffin.
No sooner was this accomplished
than, to the unutterable amazement
of the darky, out jumped the sup
posed corpse and took to the woods
instantly.
They “Mean Business.”
If anyone has ever given Dr,
Sage’s Catarrh Remedy a fair trial
and has not been cured thereby,
the manufacturers of that unfailing
remedy would like to hear from
that iudividual, for when they offer,
as they do, in good faith. $500 re
ward for a case ot nasal catarrh
which they cannot cure, they mean
exactly what they say. They are
financially responsible, and abun
dantly able, to make good their
guarantee if they fail, as any one
can learn by making proper inqui
ry. Remedy sold by all, druggists at
50 pents.
L. C. Hayxk, J. T. Newbery,
President. Cashier.
Planters Loan % JSavings Bank,
821 Broad St.. AUGUSTA, GA.
Capital—All Paid in Cash, i 100,000.
With Stockholders liability which guaran
tees absolute safety to all depositors.
This is the oldest Savings Bank this city
■with an unbroken record of nearly 20jKars.
It transacts a general Banking busflfcss In
all of its branches, and is authorized to re
ceive and disburse money, securitiesor prop
erty in trust, anil to act as financial agent for
any person firm or corporation.
Ifeg 0 ’ Interest allowed on deposits In the
Savings Department. apr2u,’89-by
Lays of spring—Fresh eggs,
A bouncing baby—A rubber doll.
1
Motto for a cooper—Hoop it tub.
Three of a kind—A cow and two
calves.
A regular old soaker—The pawn-
| broker.
The stock farmer is a man of good
breeding.
In their journey through life
many take the bridal path.
It is not iinperjtive that an omni-
! bus bill should haye a rider.
i
Would it be the proper thing to
j speak of a literary contest as a “skull
race.”
The literary reviewer can blow
up a magazine with entire personal
safety.
Employers who would keep upon
their feet, must not allow their
hands to be idle.
It does not augur well for the
success of a social gathering to have
many bores in it.
If you should meet a lion, either
hit him hard or run; don’t stop to
stick pins in him.
When a good dog points to game
: the hunter’s s’un is expected to
' speak to the point.
“Better late than never” is hardly
a suitable motto for the man who
travels much by rail.
If none but bakers played the
game of baseball one might readily
i accountfor the muffin’.
Man proposes, God disposes, wo
man discomposes, the divorce court
interposes and the press exposes.
Copper tips keep shoes from be
ing run out at the toes, and men
from being run in at the station
house.
We would like to know if a
house-painter by any license of
speech can be called a hue-er of
wood.
Doubtless no true soldier would
consent to act as a fence; and, yet,
such an one has been known to do
picket duty.
“How long do mosquitoes live?”
asks a correspondent. That depends
a good ^eal on the kind of fellow
they light on.
Wife—Where shall we hide tho
silverware while we are away?
Husband—Put it in the pockets of
your dresses in the closet.
When a woman steps out on the
back porch with her arms rolled up
in her apron it is a sign to her
neighbor that she has something to
tell her.
“At what age were you married ?”
she asked inquisitively. But the
other lady was equal to the emer
gency and quietly responded “At
the parsonage.”
It seems as if the proper thing to
do, upon discovering the approach
of a cyclone, would bo to secrete
one’s self in a cellar and wait for
the affair to blow over.
Parent—What is the difference
between the regular and the
irregular Greek verbs? Tommy—
You get twice as many lickings
learning the irregular ones.
Bjohnson—By the way, did you
ever see the sun rise, Bjenks?
Bjenks—No, Bjohnson, I can’t say
that I ever did. I think I’ve
always been in bed before that.
Bronson—“Why, I thought you
knew Sammis?” Harkins—“I do.”
Bronson—“Well, you didn’t bow as
we passed him a moment ago.”
Harkins—“Because I know him too
well.”
A clergyman’s prescription to
young men who desire to get on in
the world is to “mix brains with
self denial.” That’s good doctrine
for those who have the brains to
start with.
First Omahan—The doctor says
my Jersey cow has the ague. Did
you ever hear of such a thing? Sec
ond Omahan—No, but the idea is a
good one. You can have a milk
shake whenever you wish it.
Highwayman — Hold up your
hands! Pedestrian—My dear sir, I
havejust returned from Ochlahoma.
Highwayman—The deuce you have!
Well, you can get a tree lunch on
the next block. Good evening.
“I am tired of living with such a
homely woman!” exclaimed Wil
liam Rush, of Niagara Falls, as he
walked away from his wife 6 weeks
ago. The other day she was left a
legacy of $40,000, and William hur
ried back home to call her his an
gel one, but she wouldn’t let him
in.
Foul poisons that accumulate in the blood
and rot the machinery of the system, are
eradicate 1 and expelled by using Prickly
Ash Bitters, a medicine that will not irritate
the stomach or bowels, It acts in a gentle
manner on these delicate organs, and re»
store? health in every case,