Newspaper Page Text
(The §riu gjtism.
SiHivan Brothers, Publishers.
^hscription Rates :
One Copy one year - - $2 00
« six months - 1 (JO
a “ three months - 50
THE TRUE CITIZEN.
■Jsitively c a s il
iff" The people of Hancock
l wUC h enthused over the success-
fuTwind up of their county fair.
g&- Editor Pulitzer, of New
v. £ , l; . lias founded sixty permanent
.'li.ilarships for the poor boys of his
city- ____—
Telegrams from Paris state
tint the grand cross of the Legion
jj o!)or has been by the minister
,',’f foreign affairs conferred on Thos.
\ j’ilison, for his great scientific
discoveries.
Commissioner of Agricul-
1u Je Henderson has appointed J. O.
Waddell, of Cedartown, deputy com-
nissioner to fill the place left va-
, . lU t by the election of Col. Redding
to the directorship of the experi
mental larm.
The commissioners appoint-
e .j t , ; examine the ports of the Gulf
South Atlantic and report upon
the best place for the location of a
navy yard, has divided its verdict.
The majority favors New Orleans,
dm minority prefers Port Royal.
Mr. Wm. Stevens, who recent
ly died at Sparta, was the rich man
of Hancock county, and was great
ly respected. He was a self-made
man. The writer remembers him
forty years ago as a little village
tailor earning his daily bread by the
use of his needle and scissors.
Volume 8.
Waynesboro, Georgia, Saturday, October 5th, 1889.
Number 23.
L.C. Hayse, J.T. Nei^Beey,
President. Cashier.
Planters Iioan § {Savings Bank,
821 Broad St., AUGUSTA, GA,
Capital—All Paid in Cash,$100,040.
With Stockholders liability whioh guaran
tees absolute safety to all depositors.
This is the oldest Savings Bank in this city
v.'it li an unbroken record of nearly 20 years.
It transacts a general Banking business in
nil of its branches, and is authorized to re*
ceive and disburse money, securitiesor prop*
erty in trust, and to act as financial agent for
any person firm or corporation.
Interest allowed on deposits in the
Savings Department. aprJU.VflJ-by
in (he olden time it was
customary for white people to ad-
s the aged colored woman as
“aunty.” Rut times have changed.
A colored woman of Memphis
claims $5,000 damages because the
policeman called her “aunty.” She
either disliked being rated on the
aged list, or could not stand this
sort of familiarity.
Some years ago a wealthy
mill owner in Pennsylvania had
one of his mills destroyed by fire,
and some fiiteen of the operatives
lost their lives, the building being
unprovided with fire escapes. The
fact of his neglect to have fire es
capes so preyed on the mind of the
owner that he became deranged,
and was a few days ago taken to an
asylum.
George W. Elliott, of New
York, says that the municipal ex
penses of a city of 20,000 inhabitants
will average not over $5 per capita,
Hut when the population goes up to
100,000 the expenses increases to
Ho per capita. In eleven of the
large cities of New York the cost of
city government is $12 per capita.
In the same number of cities in
New England it was $11.84. Indian
apolis is a phenomenal city. Her
per capita is less than four dollars.
Chicago wants the world’s
fair, and her monied men are sub
scribing most liberally. In a few'
days her dry goods merchants rais
ed from a few of their leading
houses $100,000. Other branches of
trade will follow suit, and a strong
fight will be made against New
York City to secure the location.
The rich men of New York if they
would succeed will not only have
to go deep down into their pockets,
hut they must quit wrangling and
quarrelling among themselves as to
the whereabouts around the city
where they would locate the
grounds on which the immense
buildings will be constructed.
iW (’apt. Pizzini, the business
manager of the electric street rail-
roads at Richmond, Ya., after a trial
eighteen months, pronounces the
experiment a failure, and intimates
that the city will fall back on its
°hl system of horse cars. There
must be something wrong about the
methods adopted in Richmond, as a
number of other cities are well
pleased with electricity for street
railroads. There is too much sci
ence and progress in this age for
:i!! y enterprising city to go back
wards in such an important move-
meut. Capt. Pizzini is perhaps
finessing and is concealing his hand
111 order to make some counter
movement.
In spite of all the approved
"Ppliances and daily inventions,
railroad disasters do not diminish.
the machinery does not fail to
"ork, the carelessness and remiss-'
"ess of man comes in and makes up
111 uuy shortcomings that other
wise do not crop out. On the 28th
there was some derangement of the
‘5 st sp mion of the fast train on the
~ ew "tork Central near Albany.
he brakeman was sent back to
^hmil the second section of the
“d'Page, but, for some cause not
^plained, he failed to perform his
Jut Y On, therefore, thundered the
^ u, "d section, and there came a
^ n ‘hc crash, a promiscuous tele-
e*' 111 ® 0 f niail, express, sleepers
lutrlor coaches. The deaths run
(l Hventy-five and possibly more.
Subscribe for The Citizen.
COTTON VS. JUTE.
What ihc Augusta Cuttou Buyers Say.
Augusta Chronicle, October 2d.
It was reported in Augusta yes
terday by a gentleman from Way
nesboro that a Burke county alli
ance contemplated sending a dele
gation to Augusta to visit the fac
tors and compress and find out if it
is true that cotton is being recover
ed here with jute. A Chronicle re
porter investigated the subject yes
terday. He found the factors of
Augusta, while recognizing the
want of strength in the cotton cov
ering, still loyal to the farmers in
their fight against jute, and the
manufacturers still ready to pay
ten cents a hundred more for cotton
covered in cotton bagging than in
jute. This is more than is being
done at any other place in the
country in support of the farmers,
and saves them fifty of the seventy-
J five cents they are losing on every
bale of cotton covered with cotton
bagging.
When asked if they were re-cov
ering In jute any cotton covered
bales received by them, the factors
laughed at the idea. They receive
their cotton for sale, and sell it as
they receive it, it making no differ
ence to them whatever, in a busi
ness point ot view, how it is cover
ed. After they sell it they ot course
no longer control it, or keep a re
cord of it.
At the compress the reporter pur
sued his inquiries about jute.—
Messrs. Foster A Doughty said:
“This cotton is not ours. It is sent
to us to compress just as corn is
sent to mill to be ground. The
miller will bag the farmer’s meal in
whatever he directs him to, and we
carry out the instructions of cotton
shippers in reference to bagging
cotton. If cotton is shipped through
Augusta, with directions that it be
shipped here for compressing, it is
compressed and sent on its way,
ju-t as it comes to us, whether in
cotton or jute.
“If, on (he other hand, the expor
ter directs that cotton covered bales
be re-covered in jute when com
pressed, we obey instructions and
do as we are paid to do. It is the
shipper’s cotton and we carry out
his instructions.”
A prominent English cotton buy
er was next seen. “We make no
secret,” said he, “about covering the
cotton bagging with jute. We know
best how to conduct our own busi
ness, and have a right to wrap our
cotton in silk or cast iron, as we see
fit, if we pay for it. There are two
controlling reasons, however, why
we re-cover it in jute. First: It is
absolutely necessary for the protec
tion of the cotton, the cotton bag
ging being entirely unable to stand
the repeated handling. Second: In
stead of it costing us anything we
make thirty-five cents on every
bale. Thirty pounds tare comes off
in Liverpool, even if the cotton
bagging weighs only sixteen pounds.
This enables us to put ten pounds
more on cotton covered bales, and
still be within the tare. It costs us
just sixty-five cents to put on five
i yards of two pound jute bagging.
This additional ten pounds we add
as cotton to our way bill. At ten
cents a pound this gives $1, and nets
us thirty-five cents per bale.
“Now, for the practical situation.
This is business, not sentiment
with us. It is to our interest, in
deed yery important, that our cot
ton reach Liverpool in good condi
tion. Therefore we must put it in
the best available covering. We
would do this if it paid us nothing.
When it nets us thiriy-five cents a
bale it would be folly on our part
not to do it. It has been threatened
by the farmers that they would not
send their cotton to a market where
it is re-covered. That is worse than
lolly on the part of the farmer. Au
gusta or Augusta factors are in no
way responsible tor our re-covering
cotton bagging with jute, and if
every farmer in one hundred miles
of here should stop sending his cot
ton to Augusta it would not affect
our course one particle.
“If we can’t buy the cotton in
Augusta, we will go where we can
buy it. It doesn’t matter a row of
pins to us where we buy. The cot
ton lias to be sold and we will buy
it. Farmers can’t boycott buyers,
and they can’t stop us from using
jute. We nave no war to make on
cotton bagging, but it is business
with us, and though the farmer can
see his way clear to lose eighty
cents a bale to spite the jute trust,
we can’t. We use jute simply be
cause it is the best thing to use and
it protects the cotton. We do not
object to making the thirty-five
cents a bale, but we would much pre
fer that the farmer would save the
money he is losing, and cover his
cotton in good bagging to start
with. It is to his interest and to
ours, to prevent all loss and all
danger, and the best way to do this
is to cover his cotton as completely
as possible in the best two-pound j
bagging he can buy. Farmers have :
no idea how many different times,;
and how roughly, cotton is handled
between the farm and the spinner
in Europe, and in order to stand it
the best bagging is required.
The farmers are honest and pa
triotic in the fight they are making,
but business is governed by the
fixed and common sense laws of
trade, and not by sentiment.”
This is the situation in Augusta
as fully as any Farmers’ Alliance
committee can ascertain it, and
may be briefly summarized as fol
lows:
First—Augusta factors and Au
gusta manufacturers have shown
themselves the friends of the farm
ers in their fight.
Second—Augusta is the only
place where the farmer can get
fifty cents more for his cotton cov
ered bale than his jute bale.
Third—Augusta manufacturers
are ready to buy cotton bagging
and pay the extra ten cents per
hundred.
Fourth—Foreign buyers re-cover
cotton bagging with the jute be
cause it is necessary to protect the
cotton, and because they make
thirty-five cents per bale.
Fifth—The foreign buyer will buy
cotton elsewhere if lie can’t get it
in Augusta, and lie will continue to
cover it in jute. War by farmers
on their friends in Augusta would
not stop exporters from using jute.
Sixth—Augusta is the boss cot-
cotton market in the South, pays
the best price for cotton, and offers
farmers the best inducements.
Ship your cotton to Augusta.
PLANTERS AND COTTON.
Resolutions Adopted liy tlie National AlHanei-
Commitlee.
Atlanta, Ga., Sept. 30.—The
national committee of the Farmers’
and
ALFRED BAKER, President.
Physicians Confess.
All honest, conscientious physicians who
"ive B. B. B. (Botanic Blood Balm) a trial,
frankly admit its superiority over all otiier
blood medicines.
Dr. W. .1. Adair, Rockmart, Ga., writes:
“I regard B. B. B. as one of the best blood
medicines.”
Dr. A. H. Roscoe, Nashville,Tenn., writes:
“Ail reports of B. B. B. are favorable, and
its speedy actions is truly wonderful.”
Dr. J. W. Rhodes, Crawfordville, Ga.,
writes: “I confess B. B. B. is the best and
quickest medicine for rheumatism I have
ever tried.”
Dr. S. J. Farmer, Crawfordville Ga.,
writes: “I cheerfully recommed B. B. B.
as a fine tonic alterative. Its use cured an
excrescence of t he neck after other remedies
effected no perceptible good.”
Dr. C. H. Montgomery, Jacksonville, Ala.,
writes: “My mother insisted on my getting
B. B. B. for her rheumatism, as In r case
stubbornly resisted the usual remedies She
experienced immediate relief and her im
provement has been truly wonderful.”
A prominent physician wlio wishes his
name not given, says: “A patient of mine
whose case of tertiary syphilis was surely
killing him, and which no treatment seemed
to check, was entirely cured witli about
twelve bottles of B. B. B. He was fairly
made up of skin and bones and terrible
ulcers.”
A Strange Will.
Clarksville, Ga., Sept. 30.—
Henry Collum was born in Hall
county, and is now a citizen of
White county. He was born about
the year 1812. He was always a
peculiar man, having strange ways,
but upright in his dealings with his
fellowman.
Last week he called on the law
firm of Underwood ct Son, of Cleve
land, and asked that his will be
drawn up so that it could not be
broken. The nature of the will is
peculiar, from the fact that he is
the father of several children, and
the will debars them of any right
to his property, which amounts to
about ten thousand dollars, consist
ing of farming lands and money.
The’entire estate is made over to
the blind, one-armed and one-leg
ged soldiers of Hall and White coun
ties—made so by the late war. No
soldier of such disability is included
unless he lias voted the Democratic
treket ever since the party was re
instated, since the war.
“Regularity.”
“Yes,” said the professor, “when
I regulate my timepiece. I consult
the best authority in town—the
watchmaker’s chronometer. In
the same way, when I need a diges
tive pill, I invariably take Dr.
Pierce’s Pleasant Pellets, because
they are so accurately graduated,
gentle in its effects, regulating the
intestinal action with such nicety
that the system is left invigorated,
the natural functions are resumed,
my brain is clear for work, my
spirits serene, and my appetite
splendid.”
Applicants from Ail Over the World.
Charleston, S. C., Sept. 30.—
The trustees of Charleston college
to-day elected H. F. Wagner, of
Charleston, to the chair of the mod
ern languages, and Beauregard
Boar, of Virginia, assistant profess
or of mathematics. There were
over one hundred applicants for the
position, and these came from all
parts of the world. It is regarded
as the most remarkable ejection
ever held. The salaries are $1,200
each, and there were applicants
from Europe, Asia and America.
GUARD AGAINST THE STRIKE,
And always have a bottle of Acker’s
English Bemedy in the house. You
cannot tell how soon Croup may
strike your little one, or a cold or
cough may fasten itself upon you.
One dose is a preventive and a few
doses a positive cure. All throat
and lung troubles yield to its treat
ment. A sample bottle is given you
free and remedy guaranteed by
Whitehead & Co., Waynesboro and
E. A. Harris & Co., Midville.
Alliance met here to-day
adopted the following:
Whereas, The association of
American cotton exchanges met in
New Orleans on Sept. 11th, and in
conjunction with various commis
sioners of agriculture and repre
sentatives of the farming interests,
did recommend that cotton be sold
by net weight as a solution of the
tare question.
Whereas, Information now re
ceived shows that said action has
not received the approval of a suf
ficient number of cotton exchanges
to enable the New Orleans Cotton
Exchange to carry it out, commenc
ing on the time agreed upon, to-wit,
Oct. 1, 1889; and
Whereas, The action taken
by the New Orleans Cotton Ex
change in favor of assisting the
farmers to get paid for eight pounds
more cotton than each cotton-
wrapped bale contains than jute
covering i.-> highly appreciated by
said exchange. To contend for
the cause in spite of the fact that
many leading exchanges had de
serted it, is especially commenda
ble and will be co-operated in by
the interests we represent; and
Whereas, The justice and equi
ty of the farmers’ claim on the tare
question is based on the one fact
which stands bold and undisputed
and undisputable—that every cot
ton-wrapped bale actually contains
eight pounds more of lint cotton
than it would if covered with jute—
therefore it is hereby
Resolved, That the action had
by the Shreveport Cotton Ex
change be adopted in the present
emergency, and every farmer is
hereby instructed, when offering
for sale cotton wrapped in cotton
bagging, to demand payment for
eight pounds more of cotton than
the actual gross weight of such
bale.
Resolved, That this action is in
tended to supersede and take the
place ot all previous action and in
structions in regard to the tare
question. In no case shall a bale
of cotton be sold subject to a dock
of sixteen pounds for cotton bag
ging, or twenty-four pounds for jute
bagging, as agreed upon in New
Orleans, unless the cotton be sold
at y, cent per pound in advance of
the current price at that time and
place. Further instructions will be
given the order by the national cot
ton committee on Oct. 26th, through
the president of each alliance wheel,
or union, at their county seats,
where the president or secretary of
each primary alliance wheel, or
union, will meet them to receive
the same.
[Signed]
R. J. Sledge, Chairman, Texas.
M. L. Donaldson, South Carolina.
W. J. Northern, Georgia.
R. T. IIather, Louisiana.
Oswald Wilson,Florida.
S. B. Alexander, North Carolina.
B. M. Hord, Tennessee.
S. P. Featiierstone, Arkansas.
V ILLIAM B. Y'OUNG, Cashier.
AUGUSTA SAVINGS BANK,
EET.
811
Solicits the accounts of Private
FOUR PER CENT. INTEREST
•THREE PER CENT. INTERETS
TWO PER CENT, for sixty days.
No better investment can be
and is always available for use
her health was ruined.
Her Life Was One Of Cain. Hut She la Non Well
Mrs. Alexander Vaughn, wife of
one of the most prominent and ex
tensively known merchants of
Prescott, Ark., writes the following
letter under date of April 22, 1889:
“I owe the preservation of my
life under Providence to Swifts Spe
cific (S. S. S.) For four years my
health was wretched, ruined—my
life a life of constant pain and mis
ery and torture. Food soured on
my stomach, and vvliat I ate to-day
I would vomit to-morrow. My
sleep at night was broken with
the most horrible visions in
dreams, so much so, that I could not
bear to be left alone; chronic diar
rhoea, a painful cough that threat
ened me with consumption; my
limbs swelled more or less. I could
not walk except on a level floor,
and then with difficulty, fora while
could not get in or out of bed with
out assistance.
The pressure of a finger on my
body would leave its impression,
and in short I thought I had dropsy
in addition to my other afflictions.
Two doctors treated me faithfully
during these four years, but did me
no good—the medicines they gave
me were as useless as stagnant
water. My friends thought I would
die suffering as I was with such a
combination of diseases.
In 18S7 I discontinued the use of
the medicines I had been hereto
fore taking and began to take
Swifts Specific (S. S. S). Five bot
tles of this truly wonderful medi
cine was what worked the miracle
of my complete and permanent re
covery.”
Treatise on blood and skin dis
eases mailed free.
Swift Specific Co.,
Drawer 3, Atlanta Ga.,
BROAD STR
Individuals, Guardians, Trustees,
paid on Deposits. Accounts writ-
allowed on certificates of deposits
made, as money deposited with this
should necessity require it.
Too Early for Politics.
ha priyEss axd coxtextmext
Cannot go hand if we look on the
dark side of every little obstacle.
Nothing will so darken life and
and make it a burden as dyspepsia.
Acker’s Dyspepsia Tablets will cure
the worst form of dyspepsia, consti
pation and indigestion, and make
life a happiness and pleasure. Sold
at 25 and 50 cents by Whitehead &
Co., Waynesboro and E. A. Harris
& Co., Midville.
Eyes in a Roily less Head Open anil Close.
Negaunee, Micil, Sept. 30.—A
brakeman named Thomas Higging
to-day slipped between two freight
cars on a moving train, near Maple
Ridge. A signal to stop was given
by another brakemen who saw the
fall, and the train stopped and
backed up to where Higgins lay.
Eight cars had passed over the body,
which was frightfully mangled.
The head was completely severed
from the trunk an lay several feet
from the track. Fireman Byo
picked up the head and was horror-
stricken to see the eyelids close and
again open and partly close again.
This was seen by Engineer William
Whitney and the brakeman. All
three were badly frightened. This
sign of consciousness was given
several minutes after the head was
severed from the body. The three
witnesses are reliable men.
Style.
The most fashionable color at
present, is the hue of health, and
it will never go out of style. Its
shades and tints are various, but all
of them are exceedingly becoming.
It is perfectly astonishing what a
change is being daily wrought by
Dr. Pierce’s Favorite Prescription
in the looks of sickly women.—
Sufferers from any sort of “female
weakues” or irregularity, backache
or nervons prostration should give
it a trial. All druggists..
—Largest assortment of plain and
fancy crackers at C. E. Scherer’s.
Perry Journal.
There is positively nothing of in
terest to the state or the people of
Georgia that calls for the opening
of the Georgia gubernatorial cam
paign at this time. Twelve months
will elapse before the people must
elect their next governor, and noth
ing but an overweening personal
desire for political preferment can
warrant the public announcement
for office so far ahead. Just here
we will state that this is not prompt
ed by any antagonism to Colonel
Northern, for he is decidedly our
preference for governor, as against
either DuBignon or Livingston.
But we deprecate this previousness.
It is altogether unnecessary, and
can result in no possible good to
the state or the people generally.
It certainly tends to an agitation of
the public mind at a time when
business should claim the entire
attention of every voter.
WE CAX AXD DO
Guarantee Acker’s Blood Elixir for
it has been fully demonstrated to
the people ot the country that it is
superior to all other preparations
for blood diseases. It Is a positive
cure for syphilitic poisoning, ulcers,
eruptions and pimples. It purifies
the whole system and thoroughly
builds up the constitution. White-
head & Co., Waynesboro and E. A.
Harris & Co., Midville.
Killed liy a Rattlesnake.
Jacksonville, Fla., Sept. 30.—
A Titusville special says: M. H.
Adams, postal clerk on the route
between here and Jupiter Inlet,
died a horrible death last night
from the effects of a rattlesnake bite.
About midnight Saturday night
he accidently stepped on a snake
as he was walking on the public
highway. The serpent attacked
him and buried his tangs in Adam’s
legs. He twisted a handkerchief
about the wound, and hurried to a
physician. The wound was copped
and poulticed and whisky used free
ly, but the treatment availed noth
ing, the patient suffering intensely
until the poison finished its work.
Adams was originally from Mon
treal.
A CHILD KILLED.
Another child killed by the use of
opiates given in the form of sooth
ing syrup. Why mothers give their
children such deadly poison is sur
prising when they can relieve the
child of its peculiar troubles by us
ing Acker’s Baby Soother. It con
tains no opium or morphine. Sold
by Whitehead & Co., Waynesboro,
and E. A. Harris & Co., Midyllle.
—Scherer has undoubtedly the
finest cigar in the city. Try them.
A Relic ot Olustee.
Savannah News, Oet. 1st.
After the battle of Olustee, or
Ocean Pond, Fla., where the Federal
army under Gen. Seymour met a
disastrous defeat, Joseph S. Bay-
nard, of Guyton, then a gallant sol
dier of the Chatham Artillery,which
organization played such a con
spicuous part in the battle, while
strolling over the field found a
copper medal belonging to a Federal
soldier. It is about the size of the
old 1-cent copper coins, on one side
of which the inscription reads,
“Daniel Slyfield, Company C. 14th
Regt. New Hampshire Volun
teers,” “Keene,” the latter word
being the name of the town
where company C. was organized.
On the reverse side appears the
American eagle with the words,
“War of 1861,” and underneath the
eagle the words “United States.”
Some time ago Mr. Baynard was
exhibiting the medal to J. H. Meal
ing, formerly of New York. Mr.
Mealing, with Mr. Baynard’s per
mission, undertook the task of find
ing the owner of the medal. After
writing to various parties and
places in New Hampshire, and
alter much delay and when he was
about to abandon the idea of find
ing any ot the family, he received
by last Saturday’s mail a letter
from James Slyfield, a cheese deal
er of Waldo, Wis., who writes that
he was a brother of Daniel Slyfield,
who, after returning from the army
at the close of the war, died. Mr.
Slyfieid also writes that this is a
war relie, and that the family of
his deceased brother will greatly
appreciate it. Mr. Mealing for
warded the medal yesterday with
all the facts as to its history from
the finder, Mr. Baynard.
A New Move to Organize the Negroes in the
South.
Washington, D. C., October 1.—
Wm. E. Matthews, ex-recorder of
the District of Columbia, has ad
dressed a strong letter to lion. Jno.
M. Langston, in which he broaches
the idea of an organization for the
protection of the colored people in
the extreme south. Mr. Matthews
invites Mr. Langston to head the
movement, and to organize the
race. Langston arrived here yes
terday and has accepted the invita
tion. A conference of eminent col
ored leaders will be called early in
November. Bishop Wayman, of
Baltimore, will be earnestly re
quested to assist the movement.
and others.
ten up every January and July,
remaining ninety days or longer.
bank pays a good rate of interest,
lVanamalier’s Revenue.
Washington, Sept. 27.—Posmast-
ter-General Wanamaker has issued
an order abolishing the postoffice
at Lnverney, Ala. Bonez, a
colored man, was recently appoint
ed postmaster, and the citizens, it
is said, showed their appreciation
of him by boycotting him in every
way, and finally in burning down
the old building which he had suc
ceeded, with great difficulty, in se
curing for a postoffice. In view' of
these facts, Mr. Wanamaker decid
ed that the 500 inhabitants of the
place could go three miles for mail
and do without a postoffice for a
time.
A DUTY TO YOURSELF.
It is surprising that people will
use a common ordinary pill when
they can secure a valuable English
one for the same money. Dr. Ack
er’s English Pills are a positive
cure for sick headache and all liver
troubles. They are small, sweet,
easily taken and are for sale by
Whitehead & Co,, Waynesboro and
E. A. Harris & Co., Midville.
Over in Indiana a man went out
hunting, and while he was thus en
gaged there came a big rain, and
he sought shelter in a hollow log.
The log became soaked with water
and swelled until the aperture was
too small for the man to get out
again. There he was in a dilemma.
He quickly reviewed his past life,
and when he came to think that he
was not even a subscriber to his
home paper, he felt so small that he
crawled out of the log without any
trouble whatever.
Many people think that the word “bitters ”
can be used only in connection with an in
toxicating beverage. This is a mistake, as
the best remedy for all diseases of the blood,
liyer, kidneys, etc., is Prickly Ash Bitters.
It is purely a medicine and every article
used in its manufacture is of vegetable
origin of known curative qualities.
—Send your orders to Hall for
beef, mutton, pork, veal, smoked
and fresh sausage, etc., and he will
keep them on ice for you free of
charge.
Huers of wood—House painter.
Drawers of water—Marine artists.
The language of the deaf mute
goes without speaking.
Does a man cast his bread upon
the waters when he takes a roll in
the surf?
We hear of African slaves being
bound in Morocco. Is not this a
little too luxurious?
Bananas, like wedding guests,
are always ready to throw the slip
per after the paring comes off.
Entomologists say that bees pos
sess the power of memory. This
is interesting with the accent on
the sting.
“Will you eat a philopena with
me. Miss Emily?”
“What if I lose?”
“Then I win a kiss.”
“And if I win ?
“Then I have to kiss you.”
Old Bullion (entering lamp store)
—Have you got a gas globe?
The New Clerk—No; we don’t
keep balloons.
Old Bullion—Dear boy, if I were
your employer, you wouldn’t keep
your job, either.
The Chicago Liar is the title of
an illustrated comic paper recently
started in the Windy City. On the
first page of the copy which lies be
fore us is a cartoon labeled “Chi
cago Gets the World’s Fair,” which
is pretty a good lie to begin with,
anyhow.
Bride wife—If I had known that
you married me for my money, I
would never have listened to you.
Young husband—And if I had
known you would be so mighty
close with your money, I would
never have asked you to marry
me. There!
Mr. Boozy—Boy, what’s the score ?
Boy—Can’t you see the bulletin
board ?
Mr. Boozy (a moment later in
front of a cheap restaurant)—
Sirloin, 25c.
Pork chops, 15c.
’Rah for sirloin.
Aerial Flights.—Russell (relating
his experience)—In the Eiffel tower
Benny, I went nearly 1,000 feet
right up in the air. How’s luat?
Benny—That’s nothing. You
ought to have seen grandpa go into
the air when he heard you had been
dining with the queen.
Wibble—When I was in New
Y'ork last year I saw a little fellow
no bigger than I am give John L.
Sullivan a clip on the side of the
head, and Sullivan never offered to
resent it.
Wabble—That’s queer. Who was
the fellow?
Wibble—A barber.
Waiter (as guest rises)—Excuse
me, sir, but my customary fee is a
dollar.
Stranger—How much do you get
a week ?
Head Waiter—Twenty dollars.
Stranger—All right. Come out
to the desk and I’ll pay you off. I’m
the new proprietor of this caravan
sary.
Husband (after a quarrel with his
wife)—Well, let us drop it. I don’t
care to haye any words about it,
and besides, I like to talk to a sen
sible person when I am talking.
Wife (with a sarcastic laugh)—
You don’t always do it then.
Husband—I don’t?
Wife—No. I sometimes hear you
talking to yourself.
“Steward,” he said feebly, in the
small hours of the stormy night,
trying to turn over in his berth,
“Steward, what's that?”
“The sailor on deck, sir.”
“Yes, but what did he say just
now ?”
“•All well,’sir.”
“My, what a liar!” and then he
turned over and moaned a rnal de
mer moan.
“Oh! do tell me what you men
have at your clubs,” asked Miss
Smarker, gushingly.
“Well,” said Jones, carelesssly,
“we have bowling and pool and
billiards.”
“I don’t know much about bowl
ing or pool,” broke in Miss Smark
er, “but billiards is that dear, de
lightful game where they have kiss
ing, isn’t it.”
—Scherer always keeps the finest
and best fruits to be found in the
market.