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• .... ’ 1 : ' g he grue §itism. SjWivan~Brothers. Publishers. One *iiit»scriptioii Hates: Copy one y ear ~ - $2 00 six months three months 1 00 50 PO s I TI V E L Y CAS II. THE TRUE Cl TIZEN Volume 8. Waynesboro, Georgia, Saturday, November 2d, 1889. Number 2\ L. C. Hayxk, J.T. Neaybeky, President. Cashier. Planters Iioan § pavings Bank, 821 Eroad St., AUGUSTA, GA. Capital —-MI Paid in Cash, $100,GCO. With Stockholders liability wlii»h guaran tees absolute safety to all depositors. Tliis is the oldest Savings Hank in this city ■with an unbroken record of nearly 20 years. It transacts v jneral Ranking business in all of its branches, and is authorized to re ceive and disburse money, securitiesor prop erty in trust, and to act as financial agent for any person firm or corporation. Interest allowed on deposits in the Savings Department. apr20,’8D-by George Bancroft, the great lias about reached his historian, — ,. , , r score years and ten, and thinks H if a man will keep his temper Jje can lenghten out his years just llS he has done. fg’ It is not only a good thing to use soap, hut a good deal of good m be gotten out of it. Babbitt, J he great” soap manufacturer, died few days ago and left an estate valued at $5,060,000. Some days ago the Savannah y eirs g a ve a long account of the sale '/the theater to Mr. Edward Brad ford. The purchaser was a sharper, In,, checks were not cashed, and a detective arrested him while at tempting to “jump his boarding house.” gjg- The Republican journals of the eastern states are greatly -hocked and cannot account for de pravity of human nature. President Elliott, of Harvard, has announced hiinselt a Democrat. His sin is un pardonable, and he is damned for ever and aye. Augusta has been much ex ercised over its new bridge and fi nances. The floating debt of Augusta •- $150,000. The banks have been re luctantly carrying this amount, and renewals every time are made more reluctantly, and should re newals he refused the city would he forced into bankruptcy. The tax assessments are not enough to meet the actual expenses of the the city government. In the last nine years the cotton mills of the South have more than doubled and the number of spindles have been trebled. Cot ton and iron manufactories are coming to the South in search <>| raw material, and hence the manufacturing interests of the sec tion will be constantly on the in crease. If the agricultural interests would only keep pace with other industries, the South would “get on a tare” of booms. Mr. Watson, who is Maj McGregor’s leading counsel, after visiting his client in the Augusta jail, was interviewed by a reporter of the Chronicle. He is most em phatic in denying the written state ment left by Cody, and says that proof can he had that Cody after shooting McGregor acknowledged that he was concealed when he fired. Also that Cody admitted to Dr. W. L. Kilpatrick his belief that Mrs. DuBose was as innocent as a child. The two teams from the old Liberty Troop carried home some $l,200in prizes from Atlanta and Macon. They got the second prize at Atlanta and the first and third at Macon, also the first and second individual prizes at Macon. They also got the first individual prize at Atlanta. The Georgia Hussars of Savannah did not sus tain their reputation. They did nothing at Atlanta and got the second prize of $300 at Macon. The Governor’s Horse Guards stood no showing at Macon, though they carried off the prizes at Atlanta. One of the officers who marched under Sherman through Georgia and Carolina, at a recent army reunion in Ohio makes use of the following grandiloquent words which go to show who hurnedColum- bia. He said “the most important act of the campaign was the seige and capture of Columbia, South Caro lina, the place where secession was horn’ bred and mothered, and every patriot of that brave band swore that not one stone shall remain on the other in that beautiful city, and the premise was well carried out.” The friends of Messrs. Fleming and Calvin, of Augusta, end Simmons, ot Sumter, are busi ly engaged announcing their claims and candidacy for the speakership of the next legislature. Mr. Sim mons may have a walk over in his county, but there will be another Richmond In the field in the county ( >f Richmond. Mr. Fleming’s fight against railroads and his ten hour labor bill will bring out strong op- positon. Men who hacked him in his last election, will now oppose him most vigorously. Gen. Alexander reports that the business of the Central railroad has increased so rapid ly that it has been a difficult matter to obtain cars to supply the demand. That between the mouths °f June and October he had 1,000 cars built, and that he has recently rented 500 more cars for five years, and that his order is now out for the building of another 1,000 cars. Huring the year ten new locomo tives have been bought, and that thirteen more engines will be de livered within the next thirty days, there is also a contract given out f(!r building twelve passenger coaches and a number of baggage and express cars. ntiilNKD WITH AX AX. Tlie Woody Murder of a Houston Count) Citizen. Special to Atlanta Constitution. Hawkinsville, Ga., Oct. 27.— A terrible murder was committed last night eleven miles from here, just across Houston county line. Mr. William Miller, an aged farm er, was killed, aud his wife was nearly killed. Mrs. Miller tells the story as follows: Mr. Miller and wife lived alone. They were sitting by the fire last night, reading. Each had a small latnp. Mrs. Miller heard her hus band say; “Don’t do that. Then she felt herself struck, and was knock ed unconscious. When she regain ed consciousness, she heard the clock strike twelve. She saw that her husband was apparently dead, and she was afraid to call for help, fearing that her assailant was still there. She lay then until 4 o’clock, when her sufferings were so great that she called for help. Her calls were soon answered by the cook, whose house was forty or fifty yards distant. When the cook came in Mrs. Miller asked to be put to bed. On the bed was the ax which had struck the blows, and the marble top of a bureau which had been re moved from its place to enable the murderers to rifle the drawers. These drawers were locked. It is supposed that Mr. Miller saw the parties as they raised the ax, and asked them not tostr ke. Mrs. Mil ler did not see them. She was near est the door, and was struck first with the axe. She was knocked senseless, and was probably thought to he dead. Then it is supposed that Mr. Miller was attacked. He was struck five blows with the ax, and his skull was badly smashed. When found he was still sitting m his arm chair, with his head and arm hang ing over the side. The blood had run lrorn his wounds, and made a pool on the floor. His lamp had fallen in the bloody pool and was extinguished. His death must have been instantaneous. He prob ably saw his murderers, hut his wife did not, nor did she hear any noise made by their entrance. Mr. Miller’s pocket was rifled, and his pocket book gone. His watch, was hanging in a conspicuous place on the wall, but was not taken. The murderers went into other rooms, and drawers, trunks, etc., hut noth ing was taken. A little box con taining papers was carried about a hundred yards from the house and left. At the spot where the box was left there were the footprints of two people. One track was large and the other small. The lamp which Mrs. Miller had by her is missing, and cannot be found. The ax which did the murderous work was one which lies at the wood-pile, near the house. Mr. Miller was one of the most respected citizens of Houston, a well-to-do farmer, and upwards of sixty years old. He has two children, William, who lives here, and Mrs. Mitchell, of Eastman. Mr. Miller drew $50 from the Hawkinsville bank yesterday, but it is not known whether he spent it or not, before leaving town. The whole country is aroused, but as yet there is no clew to the mur derers. Mr. W. N. Miller, the son of the murdered man, to-day offer ed the following reward: “I will pay $500 reward for the capture, and proof to convict, of the parties who murdered my father and wounded my mother on Satur day night, the 26th instant. Detec tives call for information at once. W. N. Midler.” Ed. Johnson and Sam Chunkey, two negroes, are suspected of the murder. They knew Miller had drawn the money, and are not to be found to-day. They were last heard from walking toward Macon. l’lijsiclnns Confess. All honest, conscientious physicians who give B. B. B. (Botanic Blood Balm) a trial, frankly admit its superiority over all oilier blood medicines. Dr. W. J. Adair, Rockmart,. Ga., writes: “I regard B. B. B. as one of the best blood medicines.” Dr. A. H. Roseoe, Nashville.Tenn., writes: “All reports of B. B. B. are favorable, and its speedy actions is trulv wonderful.” Dr. J. W. Rhodes, Crawfordville, Ga., writes: “I confess B. B. B. is the best and quickest medicine for rheumatism I have ever tried.” Dr. S. J. Farmer, Crawfordville Ga., writes: “I cheerfully rccommed B. B. B. as a fine tonic alterative. Its use cured an excrescence of the neck after other remedies effected no perceptible good.” Dr. C. II. Montgomery, Jacksonville, Ala., writes: “My mother Insisted on my getting B. B. B. for lier rheumatism, as her ease stubbornly resisted the usual remedies She experienced Immediate relief and her im provement has been truly wonderful.” A prominent physician who wishes his name not given, says: “A patient of mine whose case of tertiary syphilis was surely killing him, and which no treatment seemed to check, was entirely cured with about twelve bottles of B. B. B. He was fairly made up of skin and bones and terrible ulcers.” Painful Boils. There is a venerable Indian nam ed Gabriel, in Southern California, who is over 150 years of age. If he avoids using any of this Brown-Se- quard elixir stuff, he may live to be quite an old man. —Now is tiie time to take Frog Pond Chill and Fever Cure. Take it to prevent malaria, and take it to cure the chills, if you already have them. Sold by live merchants in Waynesboro, and Burke county. About three years ago I was trou bled with poison in my blood, very irritating and painful boils break ing out all over my body. For two years I suffered with them, trying all sorts ot remedies, and doctor’s prescriptions without avail. Becoming disgusted with doctors, and medicines I had used up to this time, I concluded to try S. S. S. and the result was far beyond my expectation, A few bottles left me in better health than I had been since childhood. I consider S. S. S. the only medicine that will entirely purify poisoned blood. T. K. Mayfield, Horse Cave, Ky. A VALUABLE TONIC. I have used Swift’s Specific (S. S. S.) with good results. As a tonic, it is valuable; as a blood purifier, it is reliable. Rev. J. H. Jefferson, Winston, N. C. KEEP IT AS A FAMILY MEDICINE. Mr. J. J. Bradley, writes from Harrison, Ga.,under date of Septem ber 22d, 188‘J. Swift’s Specific (S. S. S.) has been freely used by my fam ily with the best and happiest re sults. A half dozen bottles entirely relieved my sister of a severe case of scrofula. My wife has frequent ly found her blood purified and her health improved by S. S. S. I also had a scrofulous affection that has been entirely cured by taking a few bottles of Swift’s Specific (S. S. S.) Treatise on blood and skin dis eases mailed free. Swift Specific Co., Drawer 8, Atlanta Ga., JUTE WILL HAVK TO HO. ALFRED BAKER, President. ' Cotton Stalk Bagging Stronger Than Jute. A Ball ot Fire. Chicago Mail. Along the shore of Oneida Lake there is an Iudian’s grave, where at times a weired and supernatural light makes its appearance. It is described as a ball of fire about the size of a large orange and sways to and fro in the air about twenty feet from the ground, confining its ir regular movements within a space about one hundred feet square. People have attempted to go near enough to solve the mystery, but it would suddenly disappear before reaching it. A very peculiar story is told by the neighbors near the spot. They claim that many years ago the locality was part of an in- dian reservation. A man by the name of Belknap frequenly dream ed that there was a crock In the Indian cemetery containing im mense treasures and that if he went there at the hour when graveyards yawn he could secure it. These dreams were repeated so often that they had strong effect, and he went there with pick and shovel, accord ing to instructions, but he failed to turn around three times when he found the crock, as the dream di rected. He went to pick it un, but was stunned by a flash of lightning and the crock disappeared. Since that time the spot has beeen haunt ed by the mysterious light. A Little (ilrl’s Mistake. Little Lizzie may not have made such a mistake after all, when she told her playmate that mamma was ever so much better since she began taking “Golden Medal Dis covery.” Lizzie meant Dr. Pierce’s Golden Medical Discovery, but many a restored sufferer has felt that the discoverer was worthy of a golden nedal. Better than all the medals is the consciousness that thousands of cases of consumption, “liver complaint,” kidney diseases, and diseases of the blood, have been cured by it. Lizzie’s mamma was one of the countless army who have learned by experience the virtues of the “discovery” for dis eased livers and consequent impure blood. It cures all skin, scalp and scrofulous affection, salt-rheum, tetter, erysipelas, boils and kindred ailments. It Is the only medicine of its class, sold by druggists, under a positive guarantee that it will benefit or cure in all cases of disease for which it is recommended, or money paid for it will be refunded. Exodus to Kansas. Wilmington, October 28.—North Carolina has suffered far more than any other southern state (if misfor tune it can be called) in the exodus of the colored population to Kansas, where dollars are represented by emigration agents as growing on trees. Last night three hundred of our darky populace left for the land of milk and honey under the charge of Mr. Alex. S. Thweatt, and other bands are reported to follow short ly. The party left via Columbia on the Columbia and Greenwood road. GUARD AGAINST THE STRIKE, And always have a bottle of Acker’s English Remedy in the house. You cannot tell how soon Croup may strike your little one, or a cold or cough may fasten itself upon you. One dose is a preventive and a few doses a positive cure. All throat and lung troubles yield to its treat ment. A sample bottle is given you free and remedy guaranteed by Whitehead & Co., Waynesboro and E. A. Harris & Co., Midville. The following is from the Augus ta Chronicle of October 27th: Mr. J. M. Forshee, of Wilmington, N. C., special correspondent of the Messenger, paid the Chronicle a pleasant call yesterday. He was formerly a resident of Augusta, being engaged in merchandise bro kerage up to the year 1877. Mr. Forshee is just from Atlanta, where he accompanied the North Carolina delegation during the alliance cele bration. While in that city he found something that is calculated to effectually take the wind from the sails of the jute combine, pro vided the farmers see fit to adopt it. Mr. Forshee says it is the only prac ticable substitute for jute yet dis covered. It is made from the hark of the cotton stalk, and is not great ly unlike jute itself. Machines have been invented and can be manufactured at a cost of $20, which thoroughly and rapid ly strip the stalk in any condition of weather. Along with the strip ped fibre, Mr. Eorchee had a sam ple of the rope made from it, the tensile strength of which is more than manilla rope of the same weight. This rope can be made at a little or no cost compared with manilla. Cotton bagging made from the fibre, weighing two pounds, would not cost the consumer more than lour cents a yard. Cotton stalk fibre, Mr. Forsehee thinks, will be the means of freeing the farmers from a grinding monopoly. Presi dent Livingston, in his Atlanta speech, said it would saye $100,000,- 000 to the farmers. The following is from the Athens Chronicle of last week: Mr. A. A. Jackson, of Crawford, Ga., brought to the Chronicle office this morning a plant, the fibres of which promise to surpass for the purposes of bag ging even the jute, against which the farmers are waging such a pow erful warfare. This weed was found in Cherokee Corner, Oglethorpe county, and it is said to grow gene rally in this portion of the state. When stripped from the stalk and twisted it lorms a cord much strong er than that made by jute. It great ly resembles jute, except in the fact that the fibres are longer, The plant grows wild and is quite pro lific in seeds. It was shown to Rev. C. W. Lane, who is an authority on botany, and he says that the eharac teristics answer to that of the Oeno thera or Evening Primrose. A number of cotton men who saw the fibre declare that it will be better than jute for covering. It is very possible that bagging made from this fibre will prove to he the long- looked-for substitute for jute.— There’s millions in it if it is such. A sample may be seen at the Chronicle office. AUGUST 811 Solicits the accounts of Private FOUR PER CENT. INTEREST THREE PER CENT. INTEREST TWO PER CENT, for sixty days. No better investment can be and is always available for use A Sew Kinil of Cotton. A SAVING BROAI) STB Individuals, Guardians, Trustees, paid on Deposits. Accounts writ- allowed on certificates of deposits made, as money deposited with this should necessity require it. WILLIAM B. YOUNG, Cashier, S BANK, EET. and others. ten up every January and July, remaining ninety days or longer. M E CAN AND DO Guarantee Acker’s Blood Elixir for it has been fully demonstrated to the people ot the country that it is superior to all other preparations for blood diseases. It is a positive cure for syphilitic poisoning, ulcers, eruptions and pimples. It purifies the whole system and thoroughly builds up the constitution. White- head & Co., Waynesboro and E. A. Harris & Co., Midville. A Wonderful Belle. Augusta Chronicle, Oct. 28. Probably one of the most won derful things of the present day is the great “Maggi.” Tjiis mysterious thing was excavated among. the ruins of the ancient temple of Isis at Athens, Greece, in 1623, and ever since it has held a prominent place among the profound things of this world. By the aid of the great Maggi many marvelous facts can be dis closed, and it correctly answers all questions regarding your future as to business, wealth, love aud mar riage. It not only does all of this, but furnishes much other valuable information. At a large expense Mr. L. F. Pad gett, the popular furniture, stove and carpet dealer, has secured for the first time in the South fac simile plates of the “Great Maggi,” and for one week will distribute Maggi cards to all purchasers of goods at his stores, 1110 and 1112 Broad street, Augusta, Ga. Mr. Padgett shows his usual enterprise in this move. Do not miss this opportuni ty to get something that will hold up the mirror of your future to your gaze. HAPPINESS AND CONTENTMENT Cannot go hand if we look on the dark side ot every little obstacle. Nothing will so darken life and and make it a burden as dyspepsia. Acker’s Dyspepsia Tablets will cure the worst form of dyspepsia, consti pation and indigestion, and make life a happiness and pleasure. Sold at 25 and 50 cents by Whitehead & Co., Waynesboro and E. A. Harris & Co., Midville. Many people think that the word “bitters” can be used only in connection with an in toxicating beverage. This is a mistake, as the best remedy for all diseases of the blood, liver, kidneys, etc., is Prickly Ash Bitters. It is purely a mediciuc and every article used in its manufacture is of vegetable origin of known curative qualities. —Scherer has undoubtedly the finest cigar in the city. Try them. Charleston News and Courier. Cant. E. R. Walter and Mr. J. A. Weathersbe, two progressive farm ers of Orangeburg, who have tried the Bailey cotton, a new variety for this section, have made the follow ing report of their experiment: We will speak of the origin as we get it from the Bailey Cotton Com pany, of Raleigh, N. C. During the summer of 1885 Hector C. Bailey, a colored man, living in Harnett county, North Carolina, near Liil- ington, discovered on the banks of the Cape Fear river a plant resem bling cotton. The growth and leaf of this plant being so peculiar, he determined to watch it closely. In the fall he found that it had produc ed cotton, the fiber of which was remarkable for its length, and very fine and silky in texture. He care fully saved the seed and planted them next season at a safe distance Irom other cotton. In the season of 1887 he planted a quarter of an acre with those seed. Each year the pa rent plant was exactly reproduced in all its peculiar characteristic. So well known in Harnett and neighboring counties had this cot ton become, that in November, 1887, Bailey refused an offer of $83 per bushel for the seed, as this had prov ed to be such a valuable kind of cotton, both on account of its yield and the superior quality of its lint, j $150,000. In 1888 Bailey planted two acres! with the seed he had saved. In the fall of 18S8 this cotton produced on ouly fair land, without extra ma nuring, two bales to the acre, and of the same long and fine fiber. In November, 18S8, Bailey sold his en tire crop of seed, and the right to sell the same, to the Bailey Cotton Company, who offer them to the farmers of the country and guaran tee that they are genuine. The ad vantages are these: 1. It opens more regularly and evenly than other cotton. The pe culiar formation of the leaves al lows the sun and air to have free access to the bolls and ripen them nearly at the same time. 2. Its staple is as fine and silky and nearly as long as the sea island cotton. 3. It is more easily picked than the sea island cotton, or any other cotton of the same grade. 4. It yields more lint per acre than sea island. It produced two bales to the acre in the fall of 1888. 5. It is the only variety ot cotton that can be successfully raised in the interior capable of competing with the sea island in staple, and it should command its price. The peculiarities are: 1. The leaves are different Irom all other varieties, and form one of its most remarkable peculiarities. 2. It has very small seed. It has usually nine seed to the lock. 3. The bolls of this cotton are lar ger than those of ordinary cotton. 4. Having tested it, and never having It attacked by rust, Bailey believes it to be rust proof. It has never been known to be attacked by cotton worms, though it is not claimed to be proof against them. get him sober enough to know there was a good fortune awaiting him, but he raved and raged, and again left the city and went to Williman- tic. Inquiry was again made for him, which resulted in his being re turned again to Norwich. He was just as drunk as ever, and could not be made to agree to take the $15 and go home. Losing all hope of being able to prevail on him to return to his mother, who lived in New York city, Mr. Manning inclosed the $15 in a letter and remailed it to the printer’s uncle. After the money had been mailed the fellow turned up sober enough to take in the situ ation. Mr. Manning went to the postoffice and recalled the letter, gave the man his $15, and he pro mised faithfully to go home, a place he had not seen for years. A letter received by Mr. Mann ing from the uncle, on Monday, proved the man had kept his word. The letter contained the heartiest thanks to Mr. Manning for his ser vices, and offered to remunerate him tor his trouble. The uncle said his nephew had $6,000 now due, which would be paid at once, aud that his annual income from his share of his father’s estate is $2,800. His mother has $75,000 worth of property, and this wandering sot proves to be the sole heir to about bank pays a good rate of interest, No wonder ships cling to the wa ter. They have a strong hold. It’s odd how much food a horse can go without and still be no fas ter. Love is a weakness, but it is too strong for most of its unhappy vic tims. Dr. Pierce’s Pellets, or Anti-hil- lous Granules, laxative or cathartic according to size of dose. Purely vegetable. Corn is an emblem of peace, but it is never appreciated until it gets on its ear. A DUTY TO YOURSELF. It is surprising that people will use a common ordinary pill when they can secure a valuable English one for the same money. Dr. Ack er’s English Pills are a positive cure for siekheadache and all liver troubles. They are small, sweet, easily taken and are for sale by Whitehead & Co., Waynesboro and E. A. Harris & Co., Midville. A Fortune Awaiting the Claimant to Sober Ip. Norwich (Conn.) Bulletin. Some few months ago Mr. Fred. B. Manning saw in a Chicago paper an advertisement inquiring for a lost printer, for whom a fortune was waiting. He recognized the name as that of a drunken tramp printer who had turned up in Norwich.— Mr. Manning wrote the family, and received a letter from the uncle of the young man, who asked him, if he ever came to Norwich again, to send him to his family. To pay the fare of the printer to his destination the uncle remitted $15. Two weeks ago the printer, who was the lost son of a worthy family, turned up in Norwich too intoxicated to un derstand the message Mr. Manning had for him. Before he could be sobered he had left the town. In quiry was at once made for him, and he was traced to Putnam, and was sent back to Norwich, still on a drunk. Every effort was made to A CHILD KILLED. Another chlid killed by the use of opiates given in the form of sooth ing syrup. Why mothers give their children such deadly poison is sur prising when they can relieve the child of its peculiar troubles by us ing Acker’s Baby Soother. It con tains no opium or morphine. Sold by Whitehead & Co., Waynesboro, and E. A. Harris & Co., Midyllle. Out iu Oklahoma suspicious char acters sometimes walk out of town and sometimes they go by rail. An air ship cannot navigate the ocean successfully. Let the air ship too much water and it is gone. He is a mean man who on meet ing an acquaintance who is af flicted with the ague, says “Shake!” Why shouid a young man say he’s “raised” a mustache when the truth of the matter is that It is down?” When purchasing fruit by the dozen look out that your fruiterer doesn’t count each pear as two of a kind. The porcupine has no more backbone than any other animal, though he has any number of pines. It is rather fortunate for many of us that our school days ended be fore the discovery of the electrical switch. SatIdxi the Foundation of Wealth. Scientific American. The man who saves something every year, quotes a contemporary, who had heard the remark from every quarter, is on the road to prosperity. It may not be possible to save much. If not; save a little. Do not think that a dollar or a dime is too small a sum to lay by. Every body knows how little expenditures get away with large sums. But few seem to know that the rule is one that works both ways. If a dime spent here and a dollar there soon makes a large hole in a man’s income, so do dimes and dollars laid away soon become a visible and respectable accumulation. In this country any man can make himself independent or keep himself under the harrow of life, according as he wastes or spends his small change. Most of our millionaires laid the foundation of their fortunes by sav ing. It is that Senator ‘ Farwell commenced life as a surveyor. Cornelius Vanderbilt began life as a farmer. Postmaster - General Wanna- maker’s first salary was $1 25 a week. A. T. Stewart made his first start as a school teacher. Cyrus Field began life as a clerk in a New England store. Andrew Carnegie did his first work in a telegraph office at $3 a week. Whitelaw Reid, our minister to France, did work as correspondent of a Cincinnati newspaper for $-3 a week. Moses Taylor clerked in vV T ater street, New York, at $2 a week. George W. Childs was an errand boy for a hook seller at $2 a week. Jay Gould canvassed Dele ware county, N. Y., selling maps at $1 50 a piece. And to the above names, which are familiar to most persons, might be added hundreds of others whose fortune and fame had the same small beginning. The same or better opportunities exist to-day for bright energetic young men to succeed that existed when the above millionaires began their business life, but to accom plish it, the same perseverence, and economy which characterized their early career must be observed. A little reflection will prove that it is more often your own cross- grained streak than yourwife’s cook ing that spoiled the dinner. Tramp—“I have scarcely a rag to my back, mum; can’t you help me out?” Lady—“Certainly, sir; here’s the rag bag, help yourself. She—“I shall always be with you to comfort you through life.” He— “I didn’t ask you to do that. All I wanted was for you to be my wife.” Dorothea—After all, what’s in a name? Polly (stitching industriously on her wedding trousseau)—About $15,- 000 a year, my dear. “How intense are the fires of love!” ejaculated the poet. “Yes” answered the father of six marriageable daughters; “but they do take up an awful sight o’ coal.” A shoemaker hung out a new sign, and then wondered what the passers-by found so amusing. His sign read as follows: “Don’t go else where to be cheated. Walk ia here.” Mrs. Snagg’s Boy—“You hain’t got nothing decent over to your house.” Mrs. Jones’s Boy—“That’s so; ma said yesterday that your folks had borrowed everything we had in the house.” Bloodgood—“Bigsby is a great walker; I understand that he cov ered a mile in ten minutes yester day.” De Smith—“Pshaw! With his feet he ought to be able to cover a mile standing still.” First Sport—Yes, pard, it’s hard times. I shoved up my last piece of property yesterday. Second Sport—What was it? What d’ye get on it? First Sport—Umbrella—got rain on it. Miss Beacon of Boston—Do you never feel an insatiate craving for the unattainable—a consuming de sire to transcend the limitations which hedge mortality, and com mune, soul to soul with the spirits of the infinite? Omaha man—Ye-es, kinder. Old lady (in dime museum look ing at wax figures)—Who is that individooal with the big head, right next to George Washington ? Manager—That’s Russell Harri son, mum. O we hain’t spared no expense, mum. We’ve got even de freaks. Indignant Physician—Man, what have you done? You sent my pa tient the wrong prescription, and it killed him. Druggist—Veil, vhat vasder mat ter mit you? Last veek I send your odder patient der right ber- scriptiou, and dot killed him. How can a somebody blease sooch a man ? -