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Page 10A — Wednesday, October 13, 2021, The True Citizen
Learning to listen
SHELLIE SMITLEY
thetruecitizen.shellie@gmail.com
Editor’s note: October was
first declared as National Do
mestic Violence Awareness
Month in 1989.
Licensed marital and family
therapist Maxwell Kennedy
said understanding the univer
sal issue of anxiety is a key
component to preventing es
calation when there is conflict.
Anxiety is an innate part of
human nature that can be con
trolled by choice.
“All humans have a compo
nent called anxiety,” Kennedy
explained. “It’s part of the
human condition. You can’t
avoid anxiety; it is present in
all people.”
John Steinbeck alluded to
free will and choice in his
famous novel East of Eden,
Kennedy pointed out. The abil
ity to make one’s own choices
is imperative in matters which
require conflict resolution.
“There is at the bottom of
that some anxiousness, al
ways” Kennedy stated. “Peo
ple, when they feel threatened,
feel anxious.”
It is human nature to want
to protect oneself. There is a
primal level of narcissism and
anxiety at the core of every
human being. Both positive
and destructive control exists
at a higher level, he said and
pointed out that if the basic
level of anxiety is dealt with,
it is less likely to escalate into
destructive control. Destruc
tive control can manifest as
verbal or physical abuse.
Positive control involves
recognizing the physical signs
of anxiety, for example, sweaty
palms and racing heartbeat, and
“pausing” to keep one’s own
anxiety from increasing.
“When people are under
threat, a biological thing hap
pens,” Kennedy said. “When
people are under threat they
get into the flight or fight stage
where they are driven by their
adrenaline and they are acting
in the survival mode.”
What he often sees in therapy
sessions is the misplaced use
of hght or hight, which only
comes in handy during dan
gerous situations. Two people
in the hght-or-hight condition
create a negative feedback
loop.
“Often that becomes esca
lated,” he said. “If both are in
the hght part of that, it’s going
to go up. If one is in hght mode
and one is in hight mode, it is
still going to go up, but there is
going to be the attempt of the
one in the hight mode to avoid.
But the one in the hght mode
is not going to willingly allow
the other to withdraw.”
Kennedy said a classic ex
ample of fight versus flight
mode is when one partner
avoids the conhict and goes
in a bedroom but the other
partner knocks on the door
and insists that the argument
continue. Both hght and hight
modes are attempts to control
the situation.
“At that point everything is
driven by emotion and nothing
of any value has happened,” he
said. “They are reacting.”
Kennedy teaches his clients
to interrupt the negative feed
back loop by understanding
that they each have the choice
to pause. Part of that pro
cess includes recognizing the
physical signs associated with
anxiety onset.
Secondly, he educates cli
ents on the value of listening.
Paraphrasing Theologian Paul
Tillich, Kennedy said that the
hrst duty of love is to listen.
Empathy and expression lead
to discovering options for con
hict resolution.
In any 2-party situation in
volving conflict, one person
should assume the role of
listener while the other as
sumes the role of expresser.
The listener should put all their
opinions and beliefs on the
back shelf.
“The listener’s job is to mir
ror or rehect what the expresser
is saying,” Kennedy said and
pointed out that this shows
empathy. “In the course of time
the expresser feels understood
by the listener.”
Then the parties can switch
roles.
“There becomes a back-in-
forth dialogue until you get
all the cards on the table, until
everyone feels understood,”
he said. “When people feel
understood anxiety goes down.
If anxiety goes down then
people can be more thoughtful.
If people can be more thought
ful then they move out of a
black- and-white mentality or
a hght-or-hight state of mind.
Kennedy said the listener-
expresser tradeoff doesn’t oc
cur in situations that escalate
into domestic violence.
Kennedy offers a full range
of mental health services at
Wimberly House Ministries,
including addressing depres
sion, anxiety, parent-child
problems, academic issues,
behavioral issues, substance
abuse and couples counseling.
BATH GARDENS OPENS
TO THE PUBLIC!
October 22-24
Estate Sale by Laurie McRae
Interiors and Estate Sales
Sconyers BBQ
Live Entertainment
The Southern Meltdown Band
Mixed Motionz Crews Dancing
Deuces Wild Band
Lamily Lun
3855 Bath Edie Road
Blythe, GA
www.bathgardensfoundation.com
TOTY
GET to do this because after
so many years of teaching, I
think I had begun to take for
granted getting to do so each
day. Never had I imagined
NOT getting to do it. When we
left on March 17, 2019,1 real
ized how much of my career I
took for granted. We still had
a job to do, but it took more
than we had ever given before
to do the tasks that make us
teachers, and as we continue
to wade through the after ripple
effects, I hope I never lose that
appreciation.”
Along the way, Walden has
not only taught but also learned
valuable lessons from her stu
dents in return.
“I could honestly write a
book,” she said. “Being a
teacher means never ceasing
to be a student, with your
students often being the best
teachers. Perhaps the biggest
thing I’ve learned is that no
matter how much I know about
teaching curriculum, no matter
how well planned the lesson or
put together the materials and
resources are, the hardest part
of teaching is the heart work
not the bookwork. There is so
much more to students than
their test scores, their abilities
and disabilities; no matter the
age of the student, their first
need is for you to know them
and for them to know you care
about them or they will never
respond to how much you
know about the curriculum.”
When asked what makes
her classroom environment
special, Walden described
the warm, welcoming and
comfortable space she tries to
create.
“The colors are bright; stu
dent work is around the room;
students have ownership of
their space as we work on
learning some responsibility,”
she said. “Aside from how it
physically looks, how you act
about being there affects how
your students feel about being
there. When you’re happy and
excited to be there, they are
more likely to feel the same
way. We celebrate small victo
ries and large ones, and I work
Continued from front
to establish the understanding
that our classroom is a safe
space where we can do all
things, even hard things.”
Hospital
bringing innovative technol
ogy, expanded services and
excellent care to Burke County
and surrounding counties. It
also means creating a facility
in which residents are able to
receive the majority of their
healthcare needs, locally.
“We will be launching our
spine program this week, and
Burke Medical Center will
be the first hospital in Central
Georgia to offer advanced 3D
intraoperative imaging, com
bined with surgical navigation,
for its patients receiving spinal
care,” he said.
Fourth-generation technol
ogy from Stryker will allow
Continued from front
Burke’s surgeons to acquire
a low dose, intraoperative CT
scan of a patient’s anatomy.
The navigation system will
then take these images and help
virtually guide the surgeon
though the procedure. This
navigation and imaging tech
nology has been adopted by
many of the major institutions
in the Southeast, including
Emory, Northside Hospital,
Medical University of South
Carolina, Duke University,
Phoebe Putney and Children’s
Healthcare of Atlanta.
“We are excited to bring this
best in class, advanced technol
ogy to our patients in Burke
Proudly sponsored by:
lAYLORlBlOpERS AU|0 SALES
1012 North Liberty Street, Waynesboro ■ 706-554-6974
Licensed marital and family therapist Maxwell Kennedy of
fers counseling services on Wednesdays at Wimberly House
Ministries.
X
V)
CITY COUNCIL WARD 2 POST 2.
EXPERIENCED CANDIDATE
WITH SOME NEW IDEAS
Pvt. Aaron Beckman - Burke County EMA Office
Pvt. Aaron Beckman started
employment with Burke County
Emergency Management Agency in
June 2021. He just recently
completed his initial firefighter
training and will begin medic training
soon. Currently, he is stationed at
Burke County EMA Headquarters on
shift 3.
Pvt. Beckman's hometown is
Waynesboro, where he currently
resides. His mother and stepfather
are Jessica and Robbie Posey of
Waynesboro. When not working, he
enjoys spending time with his family
and friends and playing/watching
sports. Beckman says he enjoys his
job because of the great atmosphere
and coworkers.
We appreciate your service to Burke
County Pvt. Beckman!
Maj. Gary Jones • Waynesboro Police Deptartment
Maj. Gary Jones began his career in
law enforcement in 1985. He served at
the Columbia County Sheriff’s Office as
a lieutenant and retired from the
Richmond County Sheriff’s Office as a
sergeant. Jones has also served as the
Chief of Police in Sardis, Harlem and
Grovetown. He has been with the
Waynesboro Police Department for
three years and has more than 5,000
hours of advanced law enforcement
training that includes Instructor,
Firearms Instructor, SWAT Instructor
and Master SWAT certificate. He
completed supervision and
management through UGA Carl Vinson
Institute.
Jones, a native of Harlem, is the proud
father of five daughters, and he has
seven grandchildren. My two youngest
daughters are 11 and 13.
Thank you Maj. Jones for your
dedication to our community!