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by p. c. Pendleton. Davoted to Literature, Internal Improvement, Commerce, Agriculture, Foreign and Domestic News, Amusement, Slc. jc. r. iianleiter, printer.
VOL. I.
THE
s® tuff SI IB 33 sy I? ©SI*
is published in the city of Macon every Saturday
Morning, at three dollars in advance, four dollars
at the end of the year—two dollars for six months;
and mailed to country subscribers by the earliest mails,
enveloped by good s'rong wrappers, with legible direc
ti ms. OCr No subscription received for a less period
than six in >.iths—and no paper discontinued, until all
arrears are paid.
Advertisements will be inserted at the usual rates of
advertising, with a reasonable deduction to yearly ad-
Wr Any person forwarding a ten dollar bill, (post
paid,) shall receive four copies for one year, to be sent
to different persons, as directed.
letters, on business either to the Publisher or
Editor, must come post jmid to insure attention.
L
NEW LIVERY STABLE.
TITHE subscribers respectfully inform the public that
Ji- they have opened anew Livery S able, on the
alley leading from Second to Third Street, the place
formerly known as Bell’s Stable, and wheiethey will
keep first rate Horses, Carriages, Baruutkie, and care
ful Drivers.
Persons visiting this place with droves of Horses or
Mules, would do well to cull, as it will he to their interest
to stop w ith us.
Horses taken to board at the usal rates
H. R WARD,
\V. V. WAG NON.
sept 29 49
LEMON SYKEP.
«.f \4 A DOZEN Lemon Syrup, very superior.—
W y*o, 50 dozen Stouphlon's Bitters, for sale
by HARVEY till* TW ELL, Druggist,
Opposite the Central Hotel.
June 16 34
Dr. *<t iLUi t LI. I.rated Eye Water for In
tlanmtiok .tjid Weakness of the Eyes.
f I MIC great advantages of this infalible remedy places
X it as a general appendage to families, ami a con
stant radc-mn um to the traveller. Tins Eye Waer is
prepared with the greatest care, and has never been
known to fail in effecting a speedy and safe restoration
of the diseased organs. It is useless to attach any cer
tificates by way of praise or recommendation. The
reputation and immense, sale tiiat has attended Dr.
Scudder’s Eye Water, is the fairest proof of its utility
and beneficial tendency ; it has been the means of
preserving sight to many of the afflicted, from the help
less infant to the aged parent Thousands of le ters
have been received by Dr. S. within these few y« ms,
containing flattering remarks relative to this Eye Wa
ter —and the cures effected by it, have been set forth as
wonderful beyond precedent. Dr. Scuddcr confulen ly
recommends this Eye Water as a safe and valuable
remedy—and he trust that Ins experience as nti Occn
list, to weigh against the gross impositions which are
daily practised on the public by advertisements of dif
ferent kinds of Eye Wa er, many of w hich are unsafe
to use. Prepared by Dr. John Scudder, Occuhst and
inser’er of Artificial Human Eyes. A simple of »he a
bove Eve Water, for sale by II- SHOT WELL.
IFT Merchant in the country supphed at tin Pro
prietor’s price. March 10 20
Carpenter's Embrocation for Horses.
f’OR rhe cure of Swellings, S’rains, Bruises, Galls
e S illness ol T. ndour and Joints, &.c. Ae.
Tliis Embrocation is recommended to Farriers and
o’hers w ho .visii a remedy for diseases above mention
ed For safe bv J. H \ IP. S. ELLIS
Septeml 4 ts
SANDS* REMEDY
For sill I ill rum. Ring Worm, Tetters, Scald
Ilc id. liar rr’.s Itch <s-r.
flllHS rente It- is a e unbitmtioD lu r. ".o" re unknown
A in the annals of medicine. It is the production of
much experience, deep research, and great expense,
and is offered to the public in the fullest confidence of
its being an effectual, safe and speedy cure for 1 1 ♦ St.lt
Rheum, and all other diseases of the skin, such a c Titter,
Rintf Worms, Seuld Head. Barber's or Jackson lh It, if'.
These diseases are kno* n to be the most obstinate < f
any to which the human system is subVe*, a id can on
ly be thoroughly eradicated by persevi ranee in the right
course of treatment, and by using the right medic me
Such a medicine has been discovered in this remedy,
and we speak from onr own knowledge and exp< rtenee
when we say, dint in forty-nine cases out of fitly it w ill
effect a permanent and rapid cure by attending to the
accompanying directions for use.
Sold by J. 11. df IP. S. ELLIS,
Cotton-Avenue.
March 21 22
Orris’ Tooth M ash.
\ SUPERIOR article for the Teeth and Gums.—
The concurrent testimony of the most eminent
dentisis and members of the medical faculty, are united
in favor of this article. For sale bv
J. 11. W. S ELLIS, Agents,
March 10 20 Cotton-Avenue.
ALL persons indebted to the subscriber, either by note
or open accoun’, are verv respectfully iavitftr? to
call and settle the same. WM. 13. JOHNSTON.
January 20 13.f
CITY LICENSES.
TJERRONS wishing any description of Licenses, can
X obtain the same bv application to me, at the Post-
Office. JESSE L. OWEN, Clerk Council.
January 27 H
NEW STRING GOODS.
f' 1 EO. C. McNEILL is now receiving at his stand
* in Messrs. Rea & Cotton's fire-proof buildings,
Commerce Row, his Spring and Summer supplies of
Fancy and Staple DRY-GOODS. Among which wil'
be found some desirable selections, adap'ea to the pre
sent, and approaching seasons. Purchasers are invited
to call and examine for themselves.
April 14 Sstf
LAW NOTICE.
S. M. STRONG AND P. C. PENDLETON
HAVING formed a co-partnership in the practice of
the Law, will attend the several Courts of the
Flint Circuit, and these of Tw iggs and Wilkerson, of
the Ochtnulgee. 03“ Office in the west end of Cow
es’ brick building, Commerce-Row.
March 31 J23_
Bacon ! Bacon I ! Bacon !! !
"I AWW4 POUNDS Baror. for sale bv
lU.UUU REA Sl COTTON
August Iff
TO RENT,
fIT WO large front Rooms on the second story of our
J stores, on Th rd-street, suitable for sYepirg apart
ments or offices. Possession given Ist of Or to! er rext.
For terms apply to REA &. COTTON.
July 21 39tf
II A C O N
05-AND PURE LEAF LARD,
ItA LBS. choice Bacon, most of which
■ D*lU has been cured here, on the nios
approved principles.
4,000 Leaf Lard, put up in neat covered tin cans,
suitable for families. Appfv to
WM. B. BARKER & CO.
February 24 18ft
FOR RENT.
LIMIE brick Store on Third-street, adjoining the sub
• seribers’ (formerly occupied by Williams & Brad
ley.) Possession given Ist ol Oc'olier rex' For terms
apply to REA &. COTTON.
July 21 39:f
MACON, (Ga.) SATURDAY MORNING, OCTOBER 13, 1838.
POETRY.
* r ~-- : . .....,
r ro MY COMPANIONS.
WRITTEN ON LEAVING COI LEGE —BY O. W. HOLMES.
Mine ancient chair—thy wide embracing arms
Have clasped around me even from a boy;
Hadst thou a voice to speak of years gone by,
Thine were a tale of sorrow and of joy,
Os fevered hopes and ill-foreboding fears.
And smiles unseen, and unrecorded tears.
And thou my table—though unwearied time
Has set his signet on thine altered brow,
Still can I see thee in thy spotless prime,
And in my memory thou art living now;
S >on mils' th >u slumber with forgotten things,
The peasant’s ashes and the dust of kings.
Thou melancholy mug—*hv sober brown
Hath something pensive in its evening hue.
Not like the things that please the tas'eless clown.
With gaudy streak oforange and of blue ;
And I must love thee, for thou art in*nc own,
Pressed by my lip, and pressed by mine alone.
Mv broken mirror—faithless, yet beloved,
Thou who canst smile and smile alike on all,
Oft do I leave thee, oft again return,
7 scorn' the siren.but obey the call; .
I hate thy falsehood, while I fear th v truth.
But most I love the, flattering friend of vouth.
Primeval carpet—every well worn thread
Has slowly parted with its virgin dve;
I saw thee fade beneath the ceaseless tread,
Fainter and fainter in mine anxiouseye ;
Ro flies the color from the brightest flower.
And 1 icaven's own rainbow lives but for an hour
I love you all—there radiates from our own
A soul ihat lives in every shape we see ;
There is a voice, to other ears unknown.
Like echoed music answering to its key.
The dungeoned captive hath a tale to tell,
Os every insect in his lonely cell,
And these poor frailties have a simple tone,
That breathes in accentssweet to me alone.
MIS CELLA NE O U s7~
-—’■■■ ■■ ■ ■ - -
From the Knickerbocker.
A HOTEL DINNER.
From notes in pencil, on the back of a Dill of Fare.
Dow stalling is the sound of the dinner
gong! T. e tympanum suddenly recoils be
neath the swell of the brazen instrument, and
eciioes the. alarum to its fellow member of the
lower house, of which Appetite is the speaker.
In a large lioiel, t e effect is magical. What
a rush from all quarters of the house to the
dining room ! Chambers, offices, and closets,
are hastily deserted by their occupa ts, that
the tic rents of an unspeakable hurly-burly
may mingle at the A tile d' hole. Loungers in
the street catch the sound vv.M wonderful
acuteness, and hasten homeward to the hotei.
The boarder under The barber’s hands fietsat
the practitioner’s slowness, gets cut, while ut
tering a violent oath, starts up, looking dag
gers, and w ping the soap hastily from his
half-shaved chin, seizes his hat, and rushes to
the place of fe ed.
In ot.e dense crowd, they pour in at the
door; pushing and squeezing, jostling and
swearing, as if life itaell depended upon the
celerity, of (heir entrance. Dignity is nothing,
de< e. cy is nothing. A choice seat tit the table
■is every thing.
The twenty or thirty individuals who tire
already seated at the head of the board, and in
the immediate vicinity of the choicest eatables,
are ‘okl heads;’ they have ‘cut their eye teeth;’
they are ‘up to snuff;’ or, to cut tiie classics,
and descend to homely English, they know
how to live in an American hotel; an accom
plishment by no means to be lightly regarded.
Every day, about half an hour liefbie the din
ner-hour, they station themselves near the
door of the dining-room, and with a patience
worthy of Job, await its opening. Barely does
John, tile waiter, have time to sound the gong,
the notes of which I have said are so magical,
before they dart by him, and the last vibration
of the brazen monitor finds the men of brass
seated at the table. Some unsophisticated
persons may think this a contemptible subser
viency to the appetite; if so, they do the
worthies much injustice. Their motives are
of a high order ; an honor to themselves, and
a great light to the world. Example is every
thing. Punctuality is a jewel. Washington
said so, and he was a man of veracity. The
hour to dine, as specified in the rules and re
gulations, posted up in the ‘office,’ was three.
Not one minute before nor after three, but
three precisely. Some inconsiderate man
may think a minute or two out of tiie
wav could make no material difference. Do
n’t trust such an one with the conveyance of
vour wife and five small children to a steam
boat pier ? Ten chances to one'fie misses the
boat. ‘ Time is money,’ and two minutes |qr
annum. At this rate, supposing a man to
live seventy years—a fair computation when
we consider the caoutchouc case of Joiee
Heth—thirty-five days, eleven hours, and four
sixtieths, are wasted in a life time, by being
two minutes behind han lat dinner! Shades
of Washington, Franklin, and Dr. Alcott! —
what a dissipation of money ! It was of this
that the men at the door ruminated. They
wished, like Washington, to set a good exam
ple, in being punctual. If, in virtuous striving
to excel in such a cause, they tread on each
other’s corns, and tumble over each other's
heels, making themselves appear excessively
ridiculous, it is our busii ess not to laugh at,
but to condole with them, as martyrs who suf
fer for our sake; Many a gouty toe lias been
• round into torture, in its owner’s- generous
emulation to be the first and most punctual at
! the dinner-table. W uat disinterested mart) r
dom !
The crowd have squeezed themselves into
! the loom. Sueh a scramble and jostling for
seats! Spare the crockery. The lin—from
din conies dinner —redoubles. Suc.i an out
cry ! Babel is music to it. ‘Waiter!’ Wai
ter !’ ‘John!’ ‘Waiter !’ “Thomas!’ ‘Thomas !’
‘Waiter !’ ‘John !’ “Thomas !’ “Soup !’ ‘Soup !’
‘Soup !’ were iterated in all octaves, fioni con
tralto to soprano. 1 was a ‘looker-on in
Vienna,’ when the scenes which follow oc
curred, and I ‘ speak the things which I do
know.’
‘ Give us a stout, hearty plate of sotip, Wil
liam !’ said a short, crimson-faced man, with
an abdominal periphery like a semi-globe. As
he gave this order for a second [date of soup,
he shoved into the waiter’s hand, open to re
ceive the plate of a gentleman who had as vet
secured nothing, his own dish, and bade him
make haste. Iguorunt of ‘ dinner etiquette*,’
as Fanny Kemble styles it, a dozen of tho>e
around us hid at once commenced on the
solids ; which of course made the rest work
like beavers to finish their soup ; and s< me of
tho,e at the end of the table, who, having but
just received the initial liquid, vvere still sip
ping after their luckier fr onds at the favored
head of the table had concluded, were admon
ished of the necessity of making haste, by the
removal oftheir plates by the impatient vvai- j
ters. Waiters are systematic. People should j
be mote simultaneous in eating soup. A polite
man swallows his, scalding hot, that he may
keep peace with his more fortunate neighbor.
‘Here! Here!—you rascal,bring back my
soup !’ bawled out a man with a thin, vinegar
aspect, llis plate had suffeied abduction.
The waiter feigned not to hear. The wr n
kies on the pungent face visibly sharpened.
That look would have soured an entire dairy.
In a voice thin and sharp us his features, he
exclaimed: ‘Here! here! you unmannerly
Irish scape-goat ! (ah you hear at last do
you ?) bring back my soup, instantly !’
‘lt ’s ag’in’ the rules Sir-r ; I can't do it,
Sir-r ! But here’s a beautiful arrangement!’
replied the Irishman,pas ing a bill of faro.
“ D—n you and your rules, and your bill of
fare, in a mess! I want my soup, you Irish
blackguard !’
‘C .n’t do it, Sir-r ; the rules must be oh.
served. Can’t give ye any mote soup, Sir-r;
Hie m dcs is on, Sir-r ; them must liq ate nixt;
them’s the rule, Sir-r ;’ and the waiter ran to
answer a cal! farther up the table.
Tiie discomfitted man swore as terribly as
if he bad formed one of the celebrated army in
Flanders. ‘Pretty hotel, this ! Excel!* nt re
gulations ! Polite servants! Must, eit meat,
must 17 I’ll see ’em hanged first! Here,you
chowder-head, J bring back my ’
“G*een peas, gentlemen—green peiis !’ j
squeaked a bean-pole waiter, with a nose like
a sausage, and little twinkling eyes. A dozen i
hands grabbed convulsively at the dish. G een
peas vvere a great rarity; a fact sufficie tlv
evinced by the complacent air of the serv ant,
as tie announced them. A dish of gravy and
a bottle of catsup were upset in the scuffle, j
much to the annoyance of tiie sour man, in ;
whose lap •• greater part of the' first sought
a depot. ‘ You have got your soup, 1 j
find, Sir!’ said a wag, opposite, at which'
every body laughed, and" one individual, j
at an untimely moment, when his mouth j
was full of Scotch ale, whereby a great gurg. j
ling and spluttering ensued, ending hv a gen- j
era! spirt upon the ‘fixitts’ of all who were near '
him ; a nio’st impartial division, for all receiv. j
ed a portion. As soon as he could make him- J
self heard above the discord, the person to J
whom the wag’s remark had been addressed, j
answered, with much asperity, “That’s Irish
wit, I s’pose; 1 hate Irish!’
‘Peas, waiter !’• Waiter,peas ! ‘Peas! peas!’
exclaimed a hundred voices in a breath. Rea
sonable souls ! They looked to be all helped J
at once !
‘Pass those peas ?’ said a score of impatient I
voices to the gentleman with the crimson face,
who in the scuffle had succeeded in securing j
the dish to himself.
‘Ha,ha!’ he spluttered, complacently, with
his mouth half full of salmon, ‘I liave’nt eat
any of these ’ere for a long while *’
.‘Tiiey look very fine !’ said the next but one
adjoining, in a manner that implied a strong de
sire to ascertain whether they did not taste j
respectably. - *.
‘Very, very!' replied the fat man. as he
scopped nine-tenths of all there vvere in the
dish onto his own plate. Sundry eyes glanced j
pitchforks tit him. They were evidently as- |
tonished. They should cot have been. The
gentleman can e fiom a western pork-growing
district. He fattened his own swine. * I’m
special fond of peas !’ said lie half in e thusi.
asm at his own appetite, and half as a sort of
an apology.
‘ Split me, if I should n’t think so!’ exclaim*
ed the w’ng.
‘Well, it’s nothing strange!’ snapped out
Vinegar, taking the part of the obese, and
chuckling at the discomfiture of the others
‘Some people will eat, until, being unable to
help themselves, we shall be compiled to lilt
them out of their seat!’ exclaimed one of the
disappointed, giving the fat man a look that
was not to be misconstrued.
I looked about me for some pens, but saw
none. As 1 was scrutinizing, my ey es en
countered ti e rueful and bewildered face of a
modest young man, with an empty plate. In
all probability, he had never dined befi re in a
hotel ; nt least, the diffident manner with w hich
In- received the inattention paid to his modest
requests, seemed to say as much. A constant
tear, too, lest he should not behave quite like
the rest, appeared to haunt him ; and the lon
ger he was neglected, tl© more he apj eared
embarrassed. Poor fellow! He had not yet
received a mouthful to eat. What a bore is
modesty ! Brass is, emphatically, an accom
plishment. The young man looked very ri
diculously for the lack of it; and I pitied him.
‘Waiter!’ said I, winking peculivrly to an
Adonis with squint eyes, aud a mouth like a
codfish. He sprang to my side. The wink
had touched his feelings. I knew it would
A waiter’s heart is open to a wink, w hen words
are useless.
‘ Get me some peas, and fresh salmon, on a
clean plate.’
The fellow’s eyes concentrated into their
deepest squint, ns he looked inquiringly, first
into iny face, and then at the space between
mv thumb-and foi e-finger. Apparently not
seeing there what he had expected, his sprigbt
ly, helpful manner died away very suddently,
and his answer, as he stared mechanically up
the table, was unqualifiedly brief.
•Guess there ar’ n’t any here ; do n’t see
any.’
I pointed to my thumb and fore-finger. A
quarter.dollar filled the space lately vacant.
‘ Do you sf>e any vow ?
The mouth opened wide, and assumed an
amiable grin, and the eyes an extra squint,and
for half a minute glanced scrutinizing!/ around
the table.
‘ I think I does !’ said lie. Ilis sight was
completely restored.
‘ I thought you vvojild,’ said I, dropping the
coin into Iris horny palm. What wonders the
‘•rod of ail evil’cun accomplish! It makes
the best vegetable pills in the w;orld,and ‘ may
! be used with equally astonishing success in all
■ climates.’
‘ 1 lere! you squint-eyed rascal!’ roared out
Vinegar, who for the last ten imputes had
been unceasingly cursing every servant within
hearing, ‘I saw you tukethut lii ibe ! Bring me
my soup, or I’ll expose you. Pretty joke !
Have to pay land ord exorbimrit charge for
dinner, am then pay, beside, a lubberly set of
lanthorn-iawed waiters for helping you to it!
I won’t submit to such treatment, and those
who will, are ninnies! I won’t stand it,. I’ll
make them change their tone. 11l publish
the landlord. I’ll blow bis hotel to the devil.
I’ll—l’ll I’ll have my soup! Here you
laughing hyena, w ithjour teeth out of doors,
bring me my soup!’
The disinterested servant brought me the
peas and salmon, with great alacrity,and looked
as it he wpuld like to have the silver dose re
peated, but I had no farther use for him, and
sttired coldly upon hisenthusiasni. He was a’
philo jopher, and a deeply-read student of hu
man .nature. He undei stood that cold look,
as readily as he had done the wink, and, to
adopt a western phrase, quickly ‘absquatula
ted.’ Helping myself to a portion of the
viands which 1 had lieen so fortunate as to ob
tain, I passed the remainder to my .modest
neighho -. He appeared very grateful, but
was too much embarrassed tliat)k|’o me. Hay
ing helped himself to salmon, he was proceed,
ing (leisurely, lest he should seem indecorous,)
to take som t peas, when the dish was uncere
moniously seized, aid carried to the obese,
who had bribed the waiter with a shilling to
execute the manoeuvre. Whereupon my mo.
dest friend looked very blank, and Vinegar
took occasion to dilate sarcastically upon the
ex; ense ofleeding pigs in the west; in which
the fit man, unsophisticated, and seeing no
allusion, coincided with fervor. Hc,had swine
to sell, and crying up the expense of fattening
them, would tend to increase their value in the
rnaiket. And here ensued a confab, between
the wag aud the obese, in which the latter was
made the unwitting butt of a thousand and one
small shafts, touching his professional anJ
personal affinities.
‘Clear the tables !’ sang out the authorita
the voice us one decked in a short white apron,
who brandished, in a masterly manner, a huge
carving.knite and fork. This was no less a
personage than the head-waiter, or, ‘ butler,’
as he directed his follow-servants to style him.
lie knew the responsibility of his situation,and
filled it with gieat dignity. His own talents
had raised him, step by step, from the com
paratively low' office of a knife-scourer and
cook’s errand-boy, to the high stand which,
knife in hand, he now occupied. His history
is an excellent illustration of the old maxim,
that ‘talent, like water, will find its level.’ “I
could dwell upon ihe hopes end aspirations of
the low ly knife-scourc ; his surcharged bosom
overflowing in the lonely watches ofthe night,
as he plied his rag and ‘rotton-stone;’ his
longings for the birth of porter; the attainment
of liis wi-h; his enthusiasm upon his first debut
with Day-and. Martin ; his still craving ambi
tion ; in short, his whole rise and progress,and
final attainment to that pinnacle "of usefulness,
the situation of head waiter.
My modest neighbor, supposing that tiie
last-named order was intended as an insinua
tion that the guests had ate enough arose and
walked off. Upon reaching the door, and
turning round, h * seemed to perceive his mis
take, and that the order was but for the clear
anceof the meats, to make room for the pas
try ; but, ashamed to expose his ignorance of
‘ etiquette,’ by returning to the table, he left
the room, hoping, I doubt not, from the bottom
of his soul, th; t those he had left behind him
would ascribe his withdrawal to surfeit rather
than ignorance. He probably adjourned to a
neighboring eating-house, to appease his tanta
lized appetite.
„ * What pudding is this, waiter?’ said a gen
tleman opposite.
‘lt’s a pad-ding, Sir-r,’ was the satisfactory
reply.
‘We know it’s a pudding, but what kind
of a pudding is it ? Find out what pudding
i it is.’
| ‘That aisily done I’said he, as with the ut
mast sung froid lie perforated the crust of tl e
doubtful dish with his dirty thumb. ‘Sure,
gintlemen, it’s a rice !’
‘ You ignorant ape!—do n’t you know fet
ter than that? You ought to he lynched !’
*He would lie, if he was in our parts!’ said
the fat gentleman, swallowing a glass of chum •
pagr.e, which lie had taken, uninvited, from my
bottle.
‘Look here, cabbage-head!’ said Vinegar,
tweaking the offender’s ear; ‘bring me my
: soup!’
I left the table, i! was my last hotel dinner.
SPECIMEN OF RHETORICAL EMBELLISHMENTS.
TIIR RErARTEE.
It is a fine day.—lt generally is when a viper
is abroad.
Madam ;my lord is dying for you.—l wish
he was ; and that he may never importune me
on the subject of love.
A loquacious blockhead, after babbling some
time to Aristotel, observed, that he was fearful
he was obtruding on his ear.—No, no, repl.ed
Aristotle, I have not been listening.
A qunker, in a stage-co:ich with an officer,
observed tiiat his sword was very troublesome.
All my enemies are of the sameopiui.au, re
plied the captain.
A .link-bov, one very dark evening, asked
Dr. Burges, the preaclier, if he should have a
light ? No, rcpjied the doctor, lam on.c of
the lights of the world. I wish then, replied
the lioy, that you were hung at the end of the
alley w here Hive, for it is very dark.
THE ANTHBORISMUS.
A figure ly which n person renders the propo
sition of another of counter effect.
Turpin took my mare from the stable, and
rode to York, without my knowledge and con
sent : which I term a lelony.—-It is true, he
did so ; but* it was no theft; lor he rode her
to your yard again, and tied her to the rack.
Charlotte, it is my duty as a parent to inform
you, th it you are sitting by a man of very
profligate character, w ho wall mar your reputa
tion.—Papa; Vice placed near virtue, makes
Virtue more lovely, strong and clear.
You might have had a deal more whit, papa,
had you been governed by inv mnnima.-Child !
b’er who is governed by his w ife* has no wit at
ail. .
„ . ... a nr. bon mot.
Brackley Kennet,.who was lord, mayor of
London in 1780, was originally a waiter: and
when summoned to attend the privy council,
Jo answer for his pusillanimous conduct during
the riots, his arrival was announced to the
.council-chamber. Ring the hell, said Lord
North, and let him attend us.
In a recent duel between two lawyers, one
them had shot away the-skirt of the other’s coat,
ilis second observing the truth of his aim, de
clared that had his friend been engaged with a
client, he w ould very probably have hit his
pocket.
THfi DOUBLE ENTENDRE.
Two ivacious girls,entering the pump-room
at Bath, mot a short, fat, ruddy, coarse lady,
retiring. Here i§ beef a-la-mode coming out,
said one of the girls—this is usual, replied the
dowager, to make room for the gahafe !
The roses on your cheek were never made
To bless the eye alone, and then to fade;
Nor had the cherries on your lips their being,
To please no other sense than that of seeing.
THE ANECDOTE.
A conceited juvenile puipit-performer im
portuned (on some anniversary ) the bishop of
iiis dioeess to allow him to preach. I have uo
objection to permit y ou, said the bishop, but
nature.will not.
An officer in a dragoon regiment, at a re
view, lost his hat. by a gale of wind. A pri
vate dismounted, and presenting it to him on
the point of his sword, accidentally made a
puncture in it.—D it,Sam. I would sooner
tiiat you had pierced my arm. Why so,
colonel ? Because I have credit with my sur
geon, but none with my hatter.
THE IMPRECATION.
May heaven’s dreadful vengeance overtake
him ! May the keen storm of adversity strip
him of all his leaves and fruit! May peace for
sake his mind, and rest be banished from his
pillow ! May his days be filled with reproach,
and his nights be haunted with remorse! May
he lie stung by jealousy w ithout cause, and
maddened by revenge without the means of
execution! and, may all his offspiing be
blighted and perish, except one, who may grow
up a curse to his old age, and bring his hoary
head with sorrow to the grave !
THE DILEMMA.
Why should he be so sharply rebuked? If
be has done wrong, a mild admonition would
be better : if he has not done wrong, reproof
will fall on
THE PROCRASTINATED CLIMAX.
What is your name ? said a gentleman to a
porter. Mv name, replied the fellow, is the
same as my father’s. And what is his name ?
said the gentleman. It is the same ns mire.
Then what are both your names ? Why, they
are both alike, said the porter.
A fellow who was tr : ed at Dublin, for some
private offem e. received the following sentences
Judge—The sentence of the court is, that you
be flogcred from the bank to the quay. Priso
ner__Thank you. my lord ! you have done
your worst. Judge—And be flogged back
again.
NO. 51.