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PATENT.
‘We’ll live upcn a patent food
And draw a patent breath :
Until upon a patent bed n
We die a patent death, e
‘Then after that we will be sure
To criticise and carp
Unless on patent golden streets
We play a patent harp.
—Life.
WHERE SILENCE IS GOLDEN.
J. Axson Bond—Would you have
loved me had I been poor?
She—~Certainly, my love; but I'd
have kept you in blissful ignorance
of the fact—Smart Set.
SUBURBAN ARITHMETIC, °
Teacher—Now, Johnny, if your
mother engaged two cooks on Mon
day, three ¢n Tuesday and fcur on
Wednesday, how many would she
have?
Johnny—Ngcne.
—New York Sun.
BLISS TO SUIT CIRCUMSTANCES.
“How much will it cost me to get a
divorce?”’ asked the man.
“That depends,” replied the lawyer,
absentmindedly. “How much have
you got?”
EVENED UP.
“lI think,”, he =said, “that I am now
just about even with the world.”
“Even with the world.”
“Yes. I figursd that I have now
reached a point where I owe just
about as many pecple as I don’t owe.”
—Chicago Post.
MONEY.
Biggs—Skinned tells me that he is
making all kinds of money these
days.
Diggs—All but one kind, psrhaps.
Biggs—What’s the exception.
Diggs—The proverbial honest dol
lar.—Chicago News.
QUITE TRUE.
“Woodby declares his grandfather
descended from one of the greatest
houses in England.”
“Ah! yes. I did hear a story about
the old man falling off a roof he was
repairing once for Lord Somebody or
other.”—Philadelphia Press.
DREW THE CROWD.
Missionary (Gulchville) — Dear!
dear! It’s too bad. I am told there
has just been a lynching.
Deacon Hairtrigger—Yaas, parson;
you said you wished we could have
a big crowd here to thie openin’ of
the religious revival, and I told you
I'd bring ’em.—They're all,here.—
Mew York Weekly.
UNCHARITABLE.
“Bliggins is very slow to anger,”
said the little person who always says
kind things.
“Yes,” answered Miss Cayenne.
“He is so dense that he dcesn’t per
ceive wh'en he ought to resent some
thing until it is too late.”—Washing
ton Star.
COMING TO THE POINT.
“It’s so long since you last called
upon me I was beginning to think you
were forgetting me,” said Miss Pechis
as she came down to the young man
in the parlor.
“I'm for getting you,” replied the
ardent youth, “and it’s for getting you
that I've cailed tonight. Can I have
vou ?’—Philadelphia Press.
A SCHEME.
“Dear,” said the politician’s wife,
L“there's a handsome blg policeman
| whose beat embraces Mrs. Swell
~man’s house. Can’t you get him
transferred to this neighborhood?”
“What for?” demanded her hus
band.
~ “Mrs. Swellman has an excellent
ccok and I want her.”—Philadelphia
i Press. - ; .
\ 8 ——————
% DEFINING ETERNITY.
! “Eternity!” .
~ The voice cf the preacher sank to
a horrified whisper.
“An @2ternity of torment!” he re
peated. “Do you bethink you what
eternity is? 1 tell you it is as long
as it would seem to you if you were
going to the theatre and were waiting
for your wife to get ready, and she
had w«ight or nine heads instead of
one!”
Here several men rose, haggard,
and tottered forward to the anxious
seat.—Puck.
THE REAL THING. :
“Yes,” remarked 'the bald-headed
man, “my wife is president ofa secret
i society.”
- “Nonsense” rejoined the fussy old
bachelor. “The idea of women hav
ing anything to do with secret so
cieties.” Ry
“But,” explained he of the ab.
sent hair,” “this is a society of which
the members exchange secrets.”—Chi
¢cago News.
1 GAVE HIM CREDIT.
~ Crimes—l think Blodgett is the
“meancst man I ever knew.
~ Grant—What has Blodgett been
doing now?
~ CGrimes—l wrote an anonymous
letter to his paper complaining of the
teacher of the Centre School. He
recognized my writing and published
the letter over my signature,
Grant—Well, what of it? The let
ter expressed your sentiments, didn’t
it? ;
Grimes—Oh, yss, they were my s2n
timents all right; but I didnt want
people to know that was what I
thcught.—Boston Transcrint.
) STILL: USEFUL.
~ Mrs. Fortie—While I was cleaning
out the attic today I found this cld
wire bustle. Isn’t it oldfashioned:
~ Mr. Fortie—Yes, but ‘keep it. It
- will come in handy next August.
~ Mrs. Fortie—Why, those things will
‘never come in style again. :
~ Mr. Fortie—But it will make a
splendid muzzle for Rover in the dog
daye.—Philadelphia Press.
| The Buil's Eye.
\ Why is the target’s bull's eye st
| called? This is one of many instances
iin our language where words have
gained a higher status than that with
which they started and have been
prompted from the slang dictionary to
the dictionary of words of respectable
| and current use.
~ Bull’s eye is found in the dictionary
} of “The Canting Crew” as far back as
1690 and was thq vulgar word for the
! central ring of the target used as a
| mark for archers, which was coclored
i differently from the other rings. This
‘may have arisen from the ancient
rounded shields, cut out of ox hide
! aund strengthened with a spike cr éen
tragl boss for this shield or target;
hence target was often used as a
mark itsell.
Wiien sh‘eet glass began to be man
ufactured the thickened part, wherse
the tube had been attached, was call
ed the bull's ‘eye. Then this tzrm
was successively applied to a Icns of
glase, especially in a ship’s side, to
the lens of the lantern, to the lantern
itself and finally to the central boss
of a target.—lLondcn Answers.
During the last year the boats of
the Royal National Lifebcat Institu
tior. were instrumental in saving 7060
lives, making the grand total of 44.-
361 since th 2 establishment of th 2
institution in 1824.
~ The largest loaves cf bread baked
are those of France and lialy.
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WORLD GWoMEN
Onen Work the Vogue.
" The open-work doilies, tablecloths,
centerpieces and napkins show the
vogue for openwork designs as much
2s the gowns do.
A Word to the Child.
Train vour child to always wipe his
face on his own individual towel. Be
gin when he is very small, too. It
wiil prove a good habit to get into.
Repose of Manner.
The air of distinguished repose 80
sought after by nervous society wom
en may be acquired by any one if they
will remember that the secret of a re
poseful manner simply means the pow
er to totally relax. Much of your ner
vous energy is lost in nervous fidget
ing. One beauty specialist goes SO
far as to declare that nothing will
make wrinkles quicker than the habit
of moving and jerking, and that noth
ing is so fatal to beauty as coughing
and wheezing. All such habits are
really nervous complaints. To cure
all these fidgety movements cultivate
the habit of sitting perfectly still,
keeping the hands and fingers motion
less as long as possible and relax,
In the Matter of Massage.
If the ten-mirute massage treat
ments tire your hands so terribly you
are- making the movements too hero:
’ically. The pressure should be just
enough to lift the muscles of the face.
Never move the hands in a downward
direction. Start aiways at the chin
and work upward. Go first from the
chin up around the eves; then begin
again and work outward toward the
ears, »
No, massage of itself will not pro
duce pimples. It is probabie that the
cream you are using is at the bottom
of the trouble, Are you always care
ful to have it absolutely fresh? Ran
cid fat rubbed in the skin is certain to
produce eruntions. Why not prepare
for yourself one of the skin foods for
‘which formulas are given in this de
partment? Creams which cocntain
such a large proportion of animal fat
as the one you are using are very ant
to encourage a growth of hair upon
the face.
The Women’s Clubs.,
The Hull House Woman’s club of
Chicago will soon have a clubhouse,
and unlike all others, it will be used
Fxclusively by the club. The building
is a gift from a generous friend of
T ull house, Joseph T. Bowen, and the
members hope to occupy it next fall.
tEight hundred peonle can be accom
modated in the new building, which
will be an English basement house.
In the lower part will be the library,
sewing and cloal: rooms, kitchen and
several committee rooms. On the
{floor above all will be a large assem:-
bly room, with a gallery. The room
will have stained glass windows and
flecorated walls, and will be a beauti
tul apartment.
. In Kalamazoo, Mich,, a woman has
Just been appointed assistant street
commissicner and the city council has
gigned a contract with the Woman’s
Civic Improvement league. for the
cleanin® of the busjness streets, tho
pew woman commissioner to have
charge of the job.
FRemember Your Silhouette.
The "trouble with loose coats and,
indeed, with the style of dress in fa
vor just now is that the lines of the
figure are too apt to be neglected. In
-other words. the wearer is swamped
in her owx cjohies. The bes anewi
of dressmakers, Redfern, said a clever
thing in describing his methods: “My
specialty,” he said, “is the line of a
garment. Ido not want to disguise a
woman’y figure, but always to see it
through her dress. Whether gown or
coat or mantle, for street or evening
wear, simyle or elaborate, I insist up
on the nreservation of certain lines. I
start with the old Greek lines. I mod
ify them in a thousand ways, but I
never leose them.”
What the French call the silhouette,
meaning the outline of the figure, is
too often negledted by dressmakers,
and completely overlooked by their
custobmers. No woman who ever
thought of her silhouette would wear
a tight sheath skirt for example. It
is hideous when she ic standing still
and grotesque when she is walking. It
is a pity that there is no way of seek
ing a good shadow of cne's self in
every hat that it tried on.—lndianapos
lis New. / f .
| ehs ks ¥ ’
| - An Unusual Cown 4
An unusual gown in cream andé
brown was worn at a fashionable res
taurant at a small dinner. The foun
dation was cf the cream silk, and the
“brown taffeta was used in strappings
to stripe the bodice and the upper part
of the skirt. The large hat worn with
this gown carried out the brown an
cream idea, it being a large round : -
fair, with a wide brim that curve.l
down a liitle all the way around. and
was raised from the hair by a ban
~deau. It was also set back a bit on
the wearer’s hair, which was also
: brown, as were her eyves. Brown os
trich tips, with cream-colored s‘ems,
f the tins themselves shading to cream
toward the centre, nodded from the
f crown out over the brim, and wide
sash ends of brown messaline ribbon
were brought from the back around to
the front, where they hung below ths ®
| knee.
The stock and voke of the gown
were neighbor—was veiled with a
curved insertion of white lace, and
overlapping this lace was a band of
. shaded pink roses with foliage. These
| bands terminated 2t the six-inch bor
‘ der, which was formed of brown taf
i feta strappings an inch and a quarter
! across, each with an ecual width of
| the cream silk between it and the
! next strapping. A band of the pink
l roses and delicate green foliage cov
ered the ends of the brown strappings.
' These flora! bands were cof silk and
I were curved slightly, the vetals and
! leaves forming irregular edges.
’ : Fashion DMotes,
The fichu is cnce more trying to ef
'fect a firm footing in the fashion
| world.
. Colored handkerchiefs and white
- ones with colored borders are the only
i corrert thing for use with the shirte
| waist suit this spring and summer.
. These come in softest mulls and lin
~ens ~ in pale lavenders, blues, pinkg,
veilows, and even in reds. They are
gscailoped, hemstitched and lace
- edged, in fast colors.
- The bracelet is begcoming more pop
. ular, and it is predicted that two in.
' stead of one will be worn before the
- summer wanes., At present the brace
' let is worn on the left arm.
| All sorts of floral fancies are carried
out in these mouchoirs, but the prefer
‘ ence is for_small flowers, like forget
- me-nots, daisies and wild roses. Thess
?am embroidered in mercerized floss,
- which looks lke silk in the naturai
colors.
It <eems as if it is not the thing to
have gowns cut at all low in the necit.
' The soft Swiss taifetas are idesal for
traveling gowns. They are rather
warm, but may be made in short skirt
and bolero and worn with a sheer ug
derblouse. ]
A parasol fad is the.use of jol
studded handles. Many of the excli
sive sunshades and carriage parasols
in all the blue, gray, pink and laven
' der shades, as well as the red, green
~and black ones, show these handles,
Some are curved in crooked effect,
others straight, but they are a solid
' mass of jet the size of seed pearls.