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The Foolish Dictionary. Thr- nnmmi spring freshet of books Ims poured upon 1 lie languid and somcwlmt parched public a grout many showers of perfumed water, not this flattest of which is “The Foolish Dictionary.” a some- | thing or other done to a finish by I one Gideon Wurth,, Fellow of the I Koynl Gibe Society, nnd other equally irrational orgnniznninns, ' says the Chicago Tnterooenn. Whether Mr. Wurtlz himself is a living pun matters little, for t he things lie has done wit h words would set his more dignified proto types, Messers Webster nnd Wor cester despairing. Mr. Wards: be gins well by dedicating his book to his dog. “who first heard the lines and didn’t run away mad.” Outlie first page lie pitches in like this: Absinthe—From two Latin words, ah, and sinistrum, mean ing “to the bad.” If you doubt it, try one. (Old adage, “Absin the makes tile jug last longer.”) Adamant—From Adam’s aunt •reputed to be a hard character. -Hence anything tough or hard. Advice—A commodity peddled •by your lawyer and given away by .your mother-in-law, but impos sible t 3 dispose of your. Famous -ns the one thing which it is “More blessed to give than receive.” Good advice—Something old men give young men when they can no longer give tliean a had example. Afterthought —A tardy sense of .prudence that prompts a man to .try to shut his mouth about the •time he has put his foot in it. Sometimes Mr. Wurdsc gets so .■funny that he has to stop nnd lake.n laugh to himself. Once in -a while he gets retd philosophical, nnd tells a heart breaking tale be twixt the lines. Asia this: Angel—A heavenly ineligible, with wings and a harp-; or, an •earthly eligible, with money and j a heart. • The lexicographer, who ought! v to carry a scar for tins, says of ..appendicitis: A modern pain, costing about. S2OO more than the old-fashioned • stomach-ache. But that isn't so near the point is these: Automobilist—A landlubber on wheels made up to resemble a deep sea diver. Barber—A brilliant conversati onalist, who occasionally shaves and cuts hair. Synonym for phnnogrnpli. . Bench—A strip of stand skirted ■hy water; covered with huh' killers 1 ill summer, life-savers in winter, j and used as a haven—or haven— i for smacks the year round. The author is prone to choose ! those words which relate to the domestic economy. Os course, as ! he confess, it were impossible for him to take everything he found .in Webster’s great volume. He has done the next host thing. Here are a few more: Bicycle .Skirt—An abbreviated ! - garment that makes women lock 1 shorter and men longer. Bigamy—A form of insanity, in which a man insists on paving three board bills instead of two. j Uolf, says the dictionary, is an ■ . excuse for carrying concealed 1 weapons and a Scotch breath. A hammer, it adds, is a small, busy impliment carried by blacksmiths;! geologists, and knockers for break in*; iron, rock or friend-hip. Not content with giving the modern meaning to good old names, Mr. Wurjlz, oh, that name j —must slip in a fvw up-to-date epigrams. “Home,” he says, is where the | mortgage is. “Aim at. a chorus girl,” lie writes, “and you may hit a star.” And here are a few more re-. visions: People who live in glass houses should dress m the dark. Fine feathers r.iukr lino leather beds. A word to the wise is useless. A bird on the plate is w _>rth two on the bonnet. Morev makes the mayor go. A fool and his wife are soon ’■ailed I \<l( n Sli l. Ilii; Slarr. “I was taken sevi rely sick with kill- I ney trouble. I tried all sorts of inedi- ! ein s, none of which relieved me. One j day I saw an ad. of your Electric Hit ter-and del Trained to try that, \fler taking a few dose- I fell relieved, and soon thereafter was entirely cured,’ i and have not seen a sick day since. I Neighbors of mine have tieen cured of • | rheumatism, neuralgia, liver and kid- ; ney troubles and general debility.” This is what I!. F. Hass of Fremont. N. (*. writes. Only 50c at Flanders J Drug Co. Time and f ide wait for no man ! j—hut time stands still for a woman of 150. llUssiroiiN tVreels*. Carelessness is responsible for many a railway wreck and the same causes are making liiinian wrecks of sufferers from thr.nl and lung troubles. Hut since tlie advent of Dr. King’s New Discovery for eoiisiunuiion, coughs and colds, even the worsCwses can be cured, and hopeless resignation is no longer necessary. Mrs. Lois Craggof Dorchester. Mass., is one of many whose life was saved by this great remedy. I’rice 50c and $1 : sample bottles free. Guaranteed for throat and lung diseaser hy Flanders Drug Company. Unhappy marriages, ns a rule, may ho epitomized in three words ( matrimony, parsimony, alimony. Are You u If you are a dyspeptic you owe it to yourself aiul your friends to get well Kodol Dyspepsia Cure will not only ; cure dyspepsia, indigestion and sour j s tom veil, but strengthens the whole j dig-stive apparatus ar.d sweetens the ! life as well as the stomach. When you take Kodol Dyspepsia Cure the food | you eat is enjoyed. It i:. digested, as siniilated amt its nutrient properties I appropriated by the blood and tissues. | Health is the result. Sold by Robin son 1 >rug Co. Women love flower*—cut and worn tor adornment of Themselves they love birds, too —stuffed and |on huts. <*uod I'orC liihiiTjn. ( The pleasant to take and harmless i One Minute Cough Cure gives inline- 1 diate relief in all cases of cough croup ! ! and la grippe because it does not puss immediately into the stomach, hut takes effect right at the seat of the i trouble. It draws out the iutlnmma- j lion, heals, soothes and cures permn- j nently. One Minute Ciuigh Cure is pleasant to take nnd it is good alike lor young and old. Sold by Robinson I Drug Co. It wasn’t the apple that temp-! | ted Adam. Eve’s smiles would probably have led him to cat w.ven breakfast food had she asked it. j The Ueatfl I'uitillj Salve. DeWitCs Witch Hazel gives instant relief from burns, cures cuts bruises, 1 sor A s, eczema, tetter and all abrasions I |of the akin. In buying Witch Hazel I Salve it is only necessary to see that i you get the genuine DeWitCs and a I 'cure is certain. Counterfeits are j worthless. Re Witt's Witch Hazel Salv.* is perfectly harmless and cures. Sold by Robinson Drug Co. When she begins to protest ’ against your wasting money on her, young man, it is time sor 1 you to either declare yourself or | back up. A Cure Cor ll< atlucke. Any man, woman or child suffering i from headache, billiousness or a dull | drowsy feeling should lake one or two j of IVWitts Little Early Risers night | and morning. Those famous little ; pills are famous because they are a j j tonic as well as pill. Whlletliey cleans i the system they strengthen and re- ‘ | build it by their tonic effect upon the ! diver and bowels. Sold by Robinson: Drug Co. Young mothers imagine that : they understand how Uotumbus must have felt on discovering America when they find baby’s first tooth* I I Yofhiiig l.qiittl to <'h u miter lit itt>* Colic. C'liolcrn ami IHtirrhoru Itruae«ly lor How cl C'oui lMsiinfft in Children. “Wv have used Chwnihei lain's Colic, Cholera and Diarrhoea Remedy in our family for years-.," says Mrs. J. B. Cooke, of Nederlands, Texas. **\W have given it to nil our children. We have used other medicines for the same pur] ose, hut never found any * thing to equal Chamberlain's. If you will use it us directed it will always cure/' For sale by all druggists. A Chicago woman is sumg her; husband for divorce because he j has not smiled for seven years. Many Chicago m?n have been : sued for divorce for indulging m » “ i | too many smik’-s. Dooun'l Respect Old Ago. It’s shameful when youth tails to ! show proper respect for old age, but just the contrary in the case of Dr. King’s New Life Dills. They eut off ; maladies no matt r how severs and ir respective of old age. Dyspepsia, jaun dice, fever, constipation all yield to this p-rfect pill. 25c at Flanders Drug Co. A faint heart is more apt to will the fair Duly than a faint hank account. If it wern't for their mistakes a i great many men would never be heard of. A Himnwaj Bicycle. Terminated with an ugly cut on the leg of J. B. Orner, Franklin Grove, : 111. It develoeed a stubborn ulcer un yielding to doctors ayd remedies for four years. Then Buck ten’s Arnica salve cured. It’s just as good for burns, scalds, skin eruptions and piles. 25c at Flanders Drug Co. , When a man thinks lie is the whole church he is apt to ignore i the head of the church. K< l»ti<-lllicumiillsiu Cared. “I have been subject to sciatic rheu matism for years,” says K. 11. Wald ron, of Wilton Junction, la. "My joints were stiff and gave me much , | pain and discomfort. My joints would crack when I straightened up. I used Cliantbcrlaiu’s Pain Balm and have been thoroughly cured. Ilavenothad a pain or ache from the old trouble for many months. It is | certainly a most wonderfal liniment.” For sale j by all druggists. When a leap year girl proposes i it’s tip to the young man to lose i his self-possession. Rest Cough Medicine Cor Children When you buy it cough medicine for i small children you want one in which you can place implicit confidence. You want one that not only relieves i but cures. You want one that is 1111- i questionably harmless. You want one ! that is pleasant to take. I’hamber j lain’s Cough Remedy meets all these conditions. There is nothing so good for the coughs and colds incident to childhood. It is also n certain pre i ventive and cure for croup, and there lis no danger whatever from whooping | cough when it is given. It Vas been Aised in many epidemics of that dis i ease with perfect success. Forsah- hy ! all druggists. A poor girl’s idea of a mercen ary wretch is a young man who marries a rich widow. ■ f TiniulM-rlatu*NSil»HiH<-k and I.iier Tablet*. When you feel dull after eating. When you have no appetite. When you have a bad taste in the ! I mouth. When your liver is torpid. When your bowels are coftstipatod. ! When you have a headache. When you feel bilious, j They will improve your appetite, cleanse ami invigorate your stomach, j and regulate your liver and bowels. | For sick headache try t’haniber laiu’s Stomach and Liver Tablets ; they will ward off the atlact if taken in time. Price 25 cents per box. For 1 sale by all druggists. . ly. Three For One. To the first 250 paying us one dollar, either old or new subscribers, we will send the Advance,the American Farmer and the American Home one /•ear. Send in at once, as the I first come will be the first served. 1 1 E. MORGAN ITliystioian •Vnd Surgeon. Vtdai.ia, Gkoroia. H. J WRIGHT, Builder ami Contractor, VIDALIA, GEORGIA. Contracts Promptly Completed Plans and Estimates Furnish ed on Short Notice. 6. E. Staffs - Contractor and Builder. Plans and Estimates Fur nished Free. Viditlia, Ga. ; Office at The New Yidalia. KETSTONF. SHAVING PARLOR, Silors Ijiteell, l’rop. Shaving, Haircutting and , all tonsorial work done in the most approved style. Good tools, expert barbers and first 1 class work in every respect. L. C. Campbell & Bro., - lilacksmiilim anti "Wheehvriglitw, All kinds of repair work in iron or wood done promptly at reasonable prices. Ttuairios anti I Wagons Painted. Give ns a call when in need of anything in onr line. Shop on Mc- Intosh street — Durden old stand. L. C. Campbell 5 Bro. Vidalia Bottling' W orks, KING & DURRETT Proprietors. We are now open for busi ness and will be pleased to supply the trade in this vicin ity from our wagon. Good goods and prompt service will characterize our manner of doing business. Vidalia, Ga. Nothing has ever equally it. I Nothing can ever surpass it. u Dr. King’s New Discovery j A Perfect For All Throat and I Cure: Lung Troubles. Money back if It rail*. Trial Bottle, free. Fop Pain Take a Dr. Miles’ Anti-Pain Pill, and the Pain will dis appear Like Magic. Not by paralyzing the nerves and glands, like opium, morphine, cocaine, nnd oilier daryrrous tlrugj-. Put by in creasing the natural secretions. This action is obtained as a result of modern discoveries in medicine, making it possible to relievo pain without bud after-effects. You can safely depend upon Pr. Miles* Anti-Pain Pills to relieve and cure su. Ii pains u 3 Neuralgia, Headache, Stomach ache, Menstrual Pains, Rheumatism, Backache, Toothache, etc. They will also, .by tlicir calming act ion on the nerves, almost instantly re lieve such distressing feelings as Diz ziness, Car-Sickness, Indigestion. Irri tability, Sleeplessness, Nervousness, ei 2. Not merely do they relievo, but they also nbsoluti ly cure, becauso by perse vering in ti c!? use, you do away with the cause. Dr. Milos’ Anti-Pain Pills are guar anteed that lirst package will l enci'.t. or your money back. Never sold in l vile. ”1 am thankful for tlic good l;r. Mibs* Anti-IV.»a Phis have and are : iJu.tig m*. Ewr since the war 1 ha\\> had •polls of severe throbhin ? k«-id ! ache, caused by catarrh, until six y-nrs ago, 1 began taking Anti-Pahi l'ilis. , tl.c only r-mod/ that .v r - gtvo me relief, fiin-e then I hn\e not had one bard attack, because 1 take a l\il and it o •«»;xo:nes the difficulty.**—GEO. ! PAt'NDEKA. G-oonsbnig. ini. tipTf Write to us for Free T: -I * Package of Dr. Miles’ Anti- , Pain Pills, tin* Now Sclent:!': ; Resaedy for Pain. Also Symptom Plan . Our Specialist will diagnose your c. so. tell you wliat is wrong, anil liow t<> i it, Free. Dlt. MILKS MKDIC’Aj CO., l-ABOIiAYUUIi-J. iiklUi-U.T, I*\’U I/. J_|DYSPEPSIA CURE m "fe 4|| I|| ;'|l m DIGESTS WHAT you eat 5 rrej |sgj |jy? Ths sl. OD bottle contai.-.s 2V% times the trial etie, which Mlisfor 50 cente. Lj*jr PREPARED ONLY AT THK LABORATORY OF ggj m E3 E. c. DtWITT 6c COMPANY, CHICAGO, XIX. Williams St Grice, WHOf.KSAI.K AND HF.TAII. LTQI'OH DEALEHS. All Loading Brands of Ctts * Goods. Country Orders will receive Lest 'attention. No charge for jugs . Try us and you will pe pleased . 102 West Hroad St.. IV O. Ho, 303. SAVI Wllt. t. A. Millen & South-Western Schedule, Effective May 1, 1904. ! .South Hound—Read Down North Bound —Head Up | No. 1 No. 3 No. 5 STATIONS. No. 2 No. 4 No. 6 5 00a 9 45a 4 00p l.v Millen Ar 8 45a 2 20p 8 45p 503 950 403 South Millen 843 213 843 515 10 C 3 415 Emmalano 830 200 830 524 10 12 424 Butts 823 151 823 '■ ?3 10 21 433 Thrift 815 142 815 545 10 33 445 Garfield 805 130 806 551 10 89 451 Kimball 800 124 800 553 10 42 455 Hook's Crossing 755 121 755 60S 10 51 003 Summit. 750 112 750 008 10 54 500 (trajtmont 747 109 747 015 1103 515 DimU'iivillc 740 1 110 740 021 11 09 521 Monte Junction 735 12 54 735 840 11 29 540 Monte 730 IV 34 730 848 11 35 540 Monte Junction 713 12 30 713 700 1150 800 Ar Stillmore Lv 700 12 15 700 . 800 12 20p 626 l.v “ Ar 1145a 825 808 12 27 030 (ireeli Brown’s Crossing ' 654 11 36 630 809 12 31 835 Kenfiekl 651 11 29 615 815 12 41 839 Ohoopee Park 644 1122 610 830 12 50 045 Horace 636 11 13 60* 855 12 57 049 (J. &D. Junction 630 1106 602 938 101 052 Ponhoopoc 627 11 02 600 850 112 659 Normujutovrn 618 10 53 554 858 119 705 Hillvan 612 10 46 650 815 135 715 Ar Vidalia Lv 600 10 30 640 FRANK K. DURDEN, General Manager. L. B. Ci.ark. Agent, Vidalia, (la. -3—^— “VIDALIA ROUTE” D. <fe S. Ry® Effective Nov. 22nd. T 903. v j w Xo. 84 No. 82 No. 20 No. 19 No. 28 Xo. 81 P. M. A. M. -a. 11. STATIONS P. M. P. M. A. M. 7(0 Atlanta 10 00 p. m. (Via. Sou. Ry.) 080 f> 00 215 Macon 110 350 845 |0 45 515 225 Swift Creek 12 59 881 830 055 580 288 l)rv Branch 12 50 810 820 706 545 240 Pikes Peak 12 44 801 805 720 800 250 Fitzpatrick 12 85 250 758 780 (i 40 258 Ripley 12 82 225 748 745 025 80) Jeffersonville 12 22 210 788 800 (I 35 814 Gnllemore 12 12 150 718 815 () 55 822 Danville 12 08 180 709 825 708 820 Allentown 1159 128 708 840 725 885 Montrose 1149 108 855 745 844 Dudley 11 89 CT4B 680 905 765 851 Shewinake 1181 12 83 624 910 805 855 Moore 11 26. 12 25 618 ;9 80 825 409 Ar Dublin 11 14 12 05 600 110 00 12 05 Lv Dublin 780 620 110 20 12 24 423 Cut 1i it 10 67 710 501 10 85 12 8.9 483 Minter 10 47 655 447 110 55 12 59 443 Rock ledge 10 87 685 427 111 05 109 448 Orlund 10 88 627 419 11 30 JB4 500 Hoperton 10 22 608 858 1148 152 510 Tnrrvtown 10 12 545 840 12 02 206 5 1(5 Stanley ID 06 528 325 12 30 280 585 Vidalia 950 500 300 a. m. p. m. p. st. (Via S. A. L. Ry.) /.m. a. m. a.m. 8 80 Savannah 7 00 Nos. 19 and 20 first class, daily w ith elegant coaches through with out change between Soul hem Ry. atation Macon and Union station Savannah. Xos. 81 atul 84 daily except Sunday. No. 82 Monday, Wednesday and Friday. No. 88 Tuesday, Thu., Hat. Arrive and depart from foot of Walnut street, near entrance Central City Park, Mucon. K. IS. Wii.i.iamson, Traffic Manager, Macon, Ga. Seaboard Air Line Railway. SAVANNAH AND MONTGOMERY. 87 78 71 Nov. 1, 1908. 72 74 88 pm pm am Central Time am am am 400 4 550 7 00 J v Savannah Ar 830 10 00 8 25 4 45 Ar Cuyler Lv 7 37 720 945 Vidalia 5 555 7 0(5 * 815 11 15 Helena 405 600 75 71 72 7(5 SIK la 1120a Lv Helena 4 OOp 8 00p 550 12 15 Abbeville 305 700 (5 51 125 Cordnle 140 555 758 3 03p Americas 12 85 450 855 355 Richland 1140 355 7 55 Montgomery 8 00 77 79 ' 80 78 2 lop 10 15a Lv Columbus Ar 515 plO 25a 1 20 Albany 2 15 171 175 ' 172 17(5 3 lop 7 (H)a Lv Abbeville Ar 11 80a 7 OOp 4 45 9(H) Ocillu 9 15 4 55 , Connections: —At Savannah, xo. 71 connects with all trains for North and Smith. Train xo. 72 connects with all trains for all points North :11 I East. At Vidalia train 71 connect# for all points lon M. D. & S., Macon and all points North. At Oordele connections made for nil point# on G. S. &F. North and South and A. & N. Ry t At Montgomery with L. &N. and M. & O. Rys. for points South. For further information call on any agent S A L Ry. or C. B. Ryan, G. P. A. C. F. Stewart, Asst. G. P. A. Portsmouth, Va. Savannah Ga. I E. A. Strunk, Agent, Vidalia, Ga.