Newspaper Page Text
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VOLUME VII.
BRUNSWICK, GEORGIA, SATURDAY, MARCH 25,1882.
NUMBER 38.
The Advertiser and Appeal,
IS published every satubday/at
BRUNSWICK. - GEORGIA,
BY
T. Gr. STAOY■
Subscription Bates.
One cortfet> 7<*f- r — *« «
One copy si* saontho. 1 00
AdTerUssuests from res possible psrtleswlll
he nnbUshed until ordered out, when the time Is
30t eoedfled, end payment erected accordingly.
Communication* :for Indlrldusl boneflt.oror s
nersousl ehsrscter. charged ss sdrerttoemajU.
1 Marriages «nd obituary notions not exceeding
lour Hues, solicted for publication. When ex
ceeding that apace, charged as advertisements.
All letters and oommnnlcatlons should bo ad-
dressod to tbo undersigned.
T. G. STACY,
Brunswick, Georgia.
CITY omcBRS.
Mayor- M. J. Colaon. . _
Aldermen- J. J. Spears, J. P. Harvey. P. J-Docr
Wager. 8. C. Llttletiold. J. U. Couper, i. Wilder,
ty. TV. Hardy, J. B. Cook.
Clerk A Treasurer—James Houston.
Chief Marshal—I. E. Lsmbrigbt.
/Wfcemeu—D.B. Goodbread.W.U. Rainey. C. B.
^°Kerper d/ Guard house and Clerk of Market—D. A.
Moore. _ „ .
l\rrt Physician—J. S. Main.
City Physician—*1. It. Itubins.
,sWon White Cemetery—C. G. Moore.
Saxton Colored Cemetery—Jackie White.
Harbor Master—Matthew Shannon.
I'urt Warden*—Thou O’Connor, A, E. Wattles, J.
M. Doxter.
STASDINO COMMirrKKS OV COUNCIL.
FiSANCB—Wilder, Cook ami Spears.
Sxr.KKTS, Drain* »N: Buidokh—Harvey. Hardy and
Littlefield. „ , . _ .
Tows common’s—Harvey, Hardy and Si>ears.
Ckmkt*iue»— Littlefield, Doerflluger and Hardy.
Hannon—Hardy, Cook and Littlefield,
l't'DLic nuii.i'isos—ICarvoy, Jouper and muter.
Railroad*—Wilder, Spear* aud Hardy.
Eoucation—Cook, Couper and Wilder.
Charity—Spoara, Ilarvey and Cook.
i’uiE uEP.vhl'MKNT—Doertlln^er, Haroy and sinors,
Police—Wilder, Cook and Harvey.
UNITED STATES OFFICERS.
Collector of Customs—John T. Collins.
Deputy—H.T. Dunn.
• Collector Internal Revenue—D. T. Dunu.
Deputy Marshal—T. W. Dexter.
Postmaster—Liuua North.
Commissioner—C. H. Dexter.
Shipping Commissioner—G. J. Hall.
0 CE AN LODGE No- 214,F-A-M.
spoopendyke.
Be and Bln Wife Discus* the Question
Of Goins to Bed Bad
A
Regular communications of this Lodge are heldM
le first and third Mondays in each month, at »:•*»
VlsUiug aud all brethren In good standing are tra-
•rnally Invited to attend. dvnviM
J. 4.SPEARS. 0. E. FLANDMtS.
Secretary. w.m.
EAPOUT LODGE. No. 6S, I. 0. 0. F..
Meet* every Tn«*day night ,-•*«•#*** °JT 1 “' k '
11. PIERCE. >• «*• .. „
,i. t. LAMiiiuoirr, v. a.
AS. E. LAMBBIOHT. 1'. -V B. Secretary.
BAY STREET,
BRUNSWICK, - GA.
Convenient to)j Business, the
Railroads and the Steamboats.
! : ! •-(
weather and low wages might make
an impression on your skull. Do yon
appreciate the enormity of the situa
tion ? Do yon reach out and grasp,
comprehensively, the unalterable fact
that your market value is twenty-five
cents in paper and one dollar in cloth ?
Can yon Absorb the idea that in illus
trating your red, white and bine virt
ues he haa dragged me into his boot
so as to give character to it?”
Does he mention yon too?” ex
claimed Mrs. Spoopendyke, with an
air of indignation.
Mr. Spoopendyke rose to his feet.
Slowly he divested himself of his
clothing and slammed the various ar
ticles on the floor, keeping bis eye
fixed on his wife.
“ Mrs. Spoopendyko,” said be as he
pranced into bed, “be kind enough to
regard me as the cheap edition. The
honor of cloth, with beveled edges,
gold letters on cover and the name
spelled wrong belongs to you. With
that and your literary attainments,
combined with your disposition to re
flect discredit on an in sane jackass,
you only need your corners turned
down, your back torn off to bo a cir
culating library!” With which pro
found illustration of his contempt for
the situation, Mr. Spoopendyke drew
his pillow over his head and kicked
vigorously.
“I don’t caro,” thought Mrs. Spoo
pendyke, as she ran the gathering
string through the neck of the baby’s
new dress, “if the man says that
Spoopendyke goes to bed every night
mad, ho tells the truth, and if he does
that I don’t care what he says about
me. Wbat I wonder most about is
bow long a speech the foreman of the
jury will muke about Mr. Guitean."
And Mrs. Spoopendyke crawled in
on her side of the couch nnd then
Hopped out again to see if the man
under the bed bad not by somo possi
bility got into the match safe and
pulled the cover over himself.
Stooped-Shouldered Countryman
Who Didn’t Believe In The*- .1
mometdr Pant*. . V( j, ,
Furniture New, Table Good
W.C.BMGM&CQ.*
'1. 1 b PROPRIETORS. -
augiO-ljr
mi
;• - ' 5 *
.-«■ C. %
1 SPECIALTY!
Gents’Furnishing Goods
l have _ _
McCrary, a UaixWmu Une of above good*, which I
propose helling at prices
Never Before Known !
Call on me and see my stock* which was bought
expressly for thla market.
J. B. WRIGHT.
“ Say, my dear I" roared Mr. Spoop
endyke, as he dashed into the room
and fell into a chair, “did yon know
that that section of a stovo pipe, with
bandy legs and a Presbyterian stee
ple nose has published a book abont
yon and me ?”
“Not” exclaimed Mrs. Spoopen
dyke. “Von don’t tell me? Is it
anything like Napolean Bonaparte
crossing the Alps ?”
" No, it ain’t anything like Napo
lean crossing the Alps I’’ snorted Mr.
Spoopendyke. “And it ain’t any
thing like Jnlius Hanibal crossing the
Hellespont. Nor it ain’t anything
about Queen Victoria? It is about
yon and me, I tell yonl It’s abont
onr private life, and the idiot alwayB
represents me as going to bed mad!”
I don’t think that there’s any
thing in our private life to be ashamed
of,” said Mrs. Spoopendyke, “nnd as
to your going to bed mad, you goner-
ally do, don’t you dear ?”
What if I do?” howled Mr.
Spoopendyko. “S’poso I want to go
to bed on every news stand iu the
country done up iu cheap binding and
bad type? Think I want posters out
on the fence, ‘Spoopendyko to bed
mad, in paper 25 cents; Spoopendyke
going to bed mad, with additions and
prefaco by the author, 50 cents; Spoo
pendyko going to bed mad, bound iu
cloth with beveled edges, children cry
for it and doctors recommend it, price
$1.’ Got an idea that I want to go to
bed mad in twenty-four editions, with
a row with tho news company, priut-
ers's bills unpaid and a paper manu
facturer bowling for money ? It’s a
book I tell you! Cut on the edges,
pasted on the back, covered on tin-
ontsiile aud reading matter all over.
Know wbat a book is? The only dif
ference between a book and your
mouth is that the book shuts up once
iu a while! Who gave him the facts ?”
aud Spoopendyko leaned back iu his
chair and frothed at (lie mouth.
“Whatdoes this inau say iu his
book?” asked Mrs. S.
“ He don’t say anything! Ho dou’t
got a chance! Yon do nil tho talking
like you do at homo! It’s Mrs. Spoo
pendyke this, nnd Mrs. Spoopedyko
around the corner, ami Mrs. Spoopen
dyko over the fences. Shakespearo’s
nowhere. You are tho leading litorn-
ry character of tho day ! Who gave
bim the facts? Who purveyed tho
information ? Who told him you wero
an idiot that only needs a wash bill
and a brother-in-law to be a Guitcau
trial ?’’
“I don’t know quite wbat you
mean:’' faltered Mrs. Spoopendyke.—
•I know about the Guitean trial and
hope Mr. Porter will win it. But I
don’t knbW anything about being lit
erary, and aa for Shakespeare I think
be is almost as abetrnse as the board
of education.”
n Wbat I want to know is, who gave
hifb the facts?” roared Mr. Spoopen
dyke. “Who gave this ten-cent au
thor with a five-cent reputation the
facta? How’d he ever find out that
you didn’t know any more about
keeping bouse than a frog does about
ttieptag’ a bank account ?”
“I’m sure I don’t know dear,’’ said
Mis. Spoopendyke, soothingly. " May
be he’s only a newspaper man who
publishes facts first and then trusts to
luck to find them out afterward.—
Wbat does be say about mo ?”
“Say about you?” squealed Mr.
Spoopendyke. “ He don’t say enough.; An Ohio man has named bis daugh-
He only leaves the impression that a! ter Phosphorous, because it makes
diamond drill, a steam engine, fair | good matches.
According to the directory of tho
Forty-seventh Congress, there are in
that body two hundred and ninety-
throe members: One hundred and
ninety-live lawyers, nineteen profes
sional politicans, three rnilrond offi
cers, one capitalist, one clergyman.—
There nro sixty-five members repre
senting the useful employments of tho
country ns follows: Seventeen mer
chants, eleven farmors, twelve editors,
ten manufacturers, ‘five physicians,
two civil enginoors, two miners, two
mechanics, one metallurgist. The
useful employments are still worse
represented in the Senate, as the fol
lowing shows. There are seventy-six
members, whose professions aro as
follows: Fifty-seven lawyers, five bank
officers, three railroad officials, three
professional politicians. Of the use-
fal professions there are eleven: Three
merchants, three manufacturers, two
miners, two general business, one
farmer, one editor.
A Scandinavian Mormon elder ia
urging the saints of Utah to resist,
with arms, any encroachment upon’
their so-called rights, declaring that
be would shoot a United States sol
dier as soon as be would a dog.
N*V Orloan* Tima*.
Hofienstein was busily engaged
scolding: Herman for.sot polishing .aj
lot of brass jewelry there waa in aj
show-ease, when a thin, stoop-should-
ed countryman entered the stare and
inquired: 1
“Have you got any good jeans
pants here?”
Certainly, my (rent,” replied Hof-
fenstein, "ve makes a specialty uf
goods in dot line, und ve defy compe-
tion. If ve sells anyding und you
don’t like it, you gets your money
back or someding else in exchange,
you know. Vas you a farmer ?”
“Yes; I live up on Red river.”
“Yell, den, yon need a pair nf bants
like dose,” said Hofienstein, pulling
out a sky-blue pair from a pile of
clothing on the counter. “Dey vas
de genorvine doeskin, and will last de
year oud, you know.”
Tho countryman took the pants to
the light, examined the texture of the
doth, and then knowingly shaking
his bead, said:
“There is too much cotton in them
—they will shrink.”
“Of course, my frent, dey vill
shrink, but vait undil I tells you
someding. If a man vat owns a pank
or keeps a store comes here, I don’t
sell him dom kind uf pants. Vy ?—
Because dey vas made exbressly for de
farming pisiness. Dey vas de der
mometer bants, and a plessing to ev
ery farmer vat voara a bair uv dem,
Do yon know, my frent, dose bants
vill dell you exactly vat de vedder vill
bo. Ven it vas going to be vet nnd
cold, doso bants vill begin to shrink
up, und ven it vas going to be dry
and varm dey comes right down, yon
know. Dree years ago I sells 11 pair
nf dem to a man vat vas name Vil-
kius, and over since den he mnkes
good crops ven de oder beople dou’t
make noding, because bo nlvuys
knows py bis dormometer pants vat
de vedder vill be. After avile de peo
ple in the neighborhood finds oud de
segred uf Vilkins’ success, und at de
beginning of de blauting season, yon
know, dey comes for dirty miles
around, und if doy seo Vilkins’ taints
crawling up his leg dey boldH off nnd
vaits for a change, but if his bants
vas down dey goes right bnck bom o
und puts in de crop. Dink uf it, my
/rent! Mit de dermometer bants,
you can dell exactly ven to put in
cabbage seed und plant corn dwice as
better as mit any almanac. Besides,
von de vedder gets so cold nnd vet
dot de bants goes np under your arras
you can sew buttons on de front und
vear dem as a vest.”
When Hofienstein finished his yarn
concerning the pants, the country
man smiled, and turning abruptly on
bis heel, left the etore.
“Did you see de vay dot man acted,
Herman ?” said Hofienstein, angrily.
“Yes, sir,” replied his clerk. ;<•
“Veil, it shnst shows dot de more
you dry to help some beople along, de
more you don’t get .any tanks for it”
Heartrending Domestic Drama.
Burdette, to Barling tea Hawkey*.
Poor, Philip Yonderdonk I All his
life be had toiled and saved and
scraped, and palled every string that
bad a dollar at* the'end of it. And
How all bis hard-earned wealth has
gone, and a great hateful, Interest-
eating mortgage spreads its black
wings over all that he owned and
loved on earth. He sank into a chair,
and, folding his arms upon the table
before bim, bowed his gray head up
on them, and groaned great groans
from Groanville, Groan county. His
heart seemed breaking.
“ Did you mortgage the farm ?”
asked bis wife anxiously, stealing soft
ly to his side.
“Yes,” he growled, “both farms, and
sold the wood lot over on Big Island.”
“And did you have to mortgage the
town house, too?” she asked, with
quivering lips and glistening eyes.
“Oh, yes,” said the man in hollow
tones; “oh, yes, and sold nil my stock
in the Northern, and hypothecated
what I had in the Sixth street bridge.”
And was it enough ?” she asked,
trembling with eagerness. "Was it
enough ?”
“Not. quite,” ho growled, ami then,
ns he saw tho ghastly pallor of death
ly disappointment spread over her
face, he added, “but the milliner let
me have it on ninety days time for
the balance at 8 percent.”
“And you’ve brought my new hat
home, then !” she caroled joyously.—
“Oli, Phillip, you dear old duck!”
“Well, no, not nil of it,” ho said.—
“I brought the plume and one of the
bows down witb me in the express,
l>nt tbe bat itself is coming down
from Chicago on a flat car.”
Aud the next week after that, elev
en durk-browed men, who snt behind
Pinllip’s wife at the theatre, waylaid
lim wretched man on the way home,
banled him off down Valley street,
rolled bim up intoa wad, and stopped
up the new sewer with bim.
There is a prevailing superstitions
terror of the number thirteen. This
is probably the reason why people do
not admire the Chicago shoe.
A little boy wrote to his absent fath
er that bis poppies were growing ev
ery day, and sometimes twice a day.
Miss Frances DeNyse, the girl ar
rested in New York for wearing male
apparel, has been released by Judge
Donohue, and she is to be taken care
of by a benevolent lady, who became
interested and appreciated, ber mo
tives in disguising herself so as to ob
tain better pay for ber labor. One of
tbe witnesses, a yonng man, declared
that he had associated with ber for a
year without knowing she was a wo-
Boston claims to have two hundred
and three women who are worth a
million dollars each.
Hake Him High Cockalorum.
Speaking of tbe bill which proposes
retire Grant on a fat salary, the
Boston Pod says:
Grant has had bull pups, fast
horses, Jersoy cows, houses, house
lots, fat purses of money, two terms
>f the Presidency, a bank presidency,
a Mexican land grant given him, a
house fall of trinkets from tbe Sbab
of Persia, the King of Siam, and from
emperors, empresses, queens, lords,
dukes, barons, counts nnd Wall street
brokers, and now tbe Senate of tbe
United States has voted to make him
General of the army with a fat salary.
Why not declare Grant to be the
grand high cockalorum of the uni
verse, and be done with it? The Dem
ocratic Senators who voted to make
bint General uf tbeigray wonld, no
doubt, be glad to do what they could
iu this direction. His salary should
not be less than $10,000,000.
Balloonists have a unique method
of taking^ “soundings” to learn their
distance from the earth when travel
ing in the air at night. A loud shout
is given, and the seconds are counted
until the echo from the earth is heard.
From the time required for the return
of the sound it is easy to compute
the height of the balloon.
Yonng man, if you had one and
two-tbirds tons of gold coins yon
wonld be jast $1,000,000. Every lit
tle piece of gold yon get bold of throw
into a pile until yon accumulate thal
weight You can then sell it and be
come a rich man.
A Cincinnati factory makes elevel
miles of candles per day.