Newspaper Page Text
Herald and ^dterti»
Newnan, Ga., Friday, May 25, 1888.
BILL NYE AS A POLITICIAN.
His Rather Neat Way of Calling Public
Attention to Himself.
In an interview "which I have just
had with myself I have positively stat
ed, and now repeat, that at neither the
St. Louis nor Chicago convention w ill
my name he presented as a candidate.
But mv health is bully.
We are upon the threshold of a most
bitter and acrimonious tight. Great
wisdom and foresight are needed at
this hour, and the true patriot will for
get himself and his own interests in his
great yearning for the good of his com
mon country and the success of his par
ty. What we need at this time is a
leader whose name will not be present
ed to the convention, but whose health
is good.
y 0 one has a fuller or better concep
tion of the great duties of the hour
than I. How clearly to my mind are
the duties of the American citizen out
lined to-day ! 1 have never seen with
the great needs
clearer, keener vision
of my country, and my pores have nev
er been more open. Four years ago
was in some doubt relative to certain
important questions which now are
clearly and satisfactorily settled in mj
mind. I hesitated then where now I
am fully established, and my tongue
was coated in the morning when I
ai'ose, whereas now I bound lightly
from bed, kick out a window, climb to
the roof by means of the fire-escape
and there rehearse speeches which l
will make this fall, in case it should be
discovered at either of the conventions
that my name alone can heal the rup
ture in the party and prevent its works
from falling out.
1 think my voice is better also than it
was either four, eight, twelve or six
teen years ago, and it does not tire me
so much to think of things to say from
the tail-gate of a train as it did when 1
first began to refrain from presenting
my name to conventions.
According to my notion, our candi
date should be a plain man, a magnet
ic, but hairless patriot, who should be
suddenly thought of by a majority o
the convention and nominated by ac
clamation. He should not be a hide
bound politician, but on the contiaiy
he should be greatly startled, while
down cellar sprouting potatoes, to learn
that he has been nominated. That’s
the kind of man who always surprises
everybody with his sagacity when an
emergency arises.
In going down my cellar stairs the
committee will do well to avoid step
ping on a large and venomous dog who
sleeps on the top stair. Or I will tie
him in the barn if I can be informed
when 1 am liable to be startled.
I have always thought that the neat
est method of calling a man to public
life was the one adopted some years
since in the case of Cincinnatus. He
was one day breaking a pair of nervous
red steers in the north field. It was
a hot day in July, and he was trying to
summer fallow a piece of ground where
the jimson weeds grew seven feet high.
The plow would not scour, and the
steers had turned the yoke twice on
him. Cincinnatus had hung his toga
op a tamarac pole to strke a furrow by,
and hadn’t succeeded in getting the
plow in more than twice in going
across. Dressing, as lie did, in the Ko-
man custom of 458 B. C M the blackber
ry vines had scratched his massive legs
till they were a sight to behold. He
iTaJ scourged Brig* and twisted
the tail of Holly till lie was sick at
heart. All through the long afternoon,
wearing a hot, rusty helmet with rab
bit-skin ear-tabs, lie had toiled on,
when suddenly a majority of the Ho
man voters climbed over the fence and
asked him to become dictator in place
of Spurius Melius.
Putting on his toga and buckling an
old hame strap around his loins lie said:
“Gentlemen, if you will wait till I go
to the house and get some vaseline on
my limbs I will do your dictating foi
you as low as you have ever bad it
done.” He then left his team standing
in the furrow while lie served his coun
try in an official capacity for a little
over twenty-nine years, after which lie
went back and resumed his farming.
Though 2,300 years have since passed
away and historians have been busy with
that, epoch ever since, no one lias yet
discovered the methods by w liich Cin
cinnatus organized and executed this,
the most successful “Peoples Mo\e-
ment” of which we are informed.
The great trouble with the modern
boom is that it is too precocious. It
knows more before it gets its clothes
on than the nurse, the physician, and
its parents. It then dies before the sap
starts in the maple forests.
My object in writing this letter is
largely to tone down and keep in check
any popular movement in my behalf
until the weather is more settled. A
season-cracked boom is a thing I de
feeling and elect a magnetic chump
who does not look so very well, but
who feels first-rate.
Toward the middle of June I shall
go away to an obscure place where I
cannot be reached. My mail will be
forwarded to me by a gentleman who
knows how I feel in relation to the
wants and needs of the country.
To those who have prospered during
the past twenty years let me say they
owe it to the perpetuation of the prin
ciples and institutions toward the es
tablishment and maintenance of which
I have given the best energies of my
life. To those who have been unfor-
tuate let me say frankly that they owe
it to themselves.
I have never had less malaria or de
spondency in my system than I have
this spring. My cheeks have a delicate
bloom on them like a russet apple, and
my step is light and elastic. In the
morning I arise from my couch, and,
touching a concealed spring, it becomes
an upright piano. I then bathe in a
low divan which contains a jointed,
tank. I then sing until interfered
with by property owners and taxpay
ers who reside near by. After a light
breakfast of calf’s liver and custard pie
I go into the reception room and wait
for people to come and feel of my
pulse. In the afternoon I lie down on
a lounge for two or three hours, won
dering in what way I can endear my
self to the laboring man. I then dine
heartily at my club. In the evening I
go to see the amateurs play “Pygma
lion and Galatea.” As I remain till
the play is over, any one can see that I
am a very robust man. After I get
home, I write 2,000 or 3,000 words in
my diary. I then insert myself into
the bosom of my piano and sleep, .hav
ing first removed my clothes and iron
ed my trousers for future reference.
In closing, let me urge one and all to
renewed effort. The prospects for a
speedy and unqualified victory at the
polls were never more roseate. Let us
select a man upon whom we can all
unite, a man who has no venom in him,
a man who has successfully defied and
trampled on the infamous inter-State
commerce act, a man who, though in
the full flush and pride and bloom and
fluff of life’s meridian, still disdains to
present his name to the convention.
I enclose mv picture, however, which
iliows that I am so healthy that it
keeps me awake nights. 1 go about
the house singing all the time and play
ing pranks on my grandparents. My
eye dances with ill-concealed merri
ment, and my conversation is just as
sparkling as it can be.
I believe that during tins campaign
we should lay aside politics as far as
possible and unite on an unknown,
OW
The Meanest Man in America.
From One of Burdette’s Letters.
Tlie meanest man in all this land of
United America went down from Lin
coln, Nebraska, the other day. Mind
you, lie wasn’t a Nebraskan; lie was an
inter-State immigrant coming from
somewhere east of the Mississippi. At
Wyrnore there is a merchant who car
ries his stock in a basket, and he is fa
mous all that land over for his pop
corn. He came on the cars with his
wares, and this mean man, who was
traveling with his wife, little child of
perhaps three years, and his father-in-
law, asked the price of popcorn. “Five
cents a package.” That was too much.
He didn’t want any. After the mer
chant left the car, the mean man said:
“I want some o’ that ’ere popcorn, but I
kin git it cheap’n that.” Presently he
went out on the platform and said to
the dealer in the fruit that cheers but
not ine(hic)briates: “Say, mister, I
want some of that popcorn, butlhain’t
got o’ny 3 cents. Now, if you kin
lemme have a paper of it fur 3 cents,
all right; but I kain’t give no more fur
it, because I hain’t got o’ny that much
money.” Well, after some dickering
the merchant finally let him have a pa
per of iiopcorn for 3 cents, and the
mean man came in the car, sat down
beside iiis wife and little child and be
gan munching liis popcorn. Never a
crumb did he offer to anybody. He
was just enjoying it. He said: “I had
enough money to buy his whole basket
ful, but I know’a I could get some fur
less’n five cents.” As he munched, Ills
father-in-law and wife seemed to un
derstand that they were not in on that
treat, but the child began to reach
up his little dimpled hands and in
the sweetest childish accents began
to beg for some pop-corn. Save
to bold the package out of reach
of the pleading little hands, the mean
man paid not the slightest attention to
the baby, but kept on eating. Present
ly the mother spoke to him and said
the child wanted some of the corn.
“Well,” replied her husband, “if the
child is any hungrier’n I am an! wants
this popcorn mor’n I do, he’d ought to
have it.” But he kept on eating it
himself and never a grain did the child
get. Pretty soon the little fellow be
gan to cry for the corn. This may have
annoyed the father, because he soon
arose, put the popcorn up in the rack
out of the child’s reach, and went into
another car. While he was gone the
child continued to cry and reach after
the banquet, and the mother took the
popcorn down and gave some to the
little one. While this was going on the
mean man came back. Furious? You
never saw anything like it. He snatch
ed the popcorn away from the child
and poured a torrent of abuse upon his
wife for daring to touch* his popcorn.
Then he put it back into the rack and
at intervals got up and ate some of it
until it was all gone.
Now, in a case of that kind—and the
above is a truthful narrative of an act
ual occurrence—is not law justifiable ?
Is not that kind of a man more valua
ble and useful as a fertillizer than any
thing else ? Isn’t he a curse to society
so long as he lives ? And might he not
prove a blessing to the medical student
and barren land when he dies? Then
why not kill him and make a blessing
of him? The world has no use for a
mean man. A drunkard, a liar, a
swaarer, a thief, a tramp, a swindler, a
murderer, may have good traits and
have some sphere of usefulness in this
world, but a mean man, pure and sim-
ple—God wasted mud when He made
him.
Woman and the Hairpin.
liew York Graphic.
“Is there a very great demand now
adays for the common wire hairpin!”
queried the writer of a Broadway deal
er in fancy goods yesterday.
“There is always some demand for
the useful little article,” replied the
dealer, “but the present style of hair
dressing, which dispenses with the use
of the wire pin, and the advent of those
large ornamental pins now so popular
with the ladies, has tended to lower
the demand for the more common ar- ^ <* Seems to
tide considerably. I manage, howev
er, to sell about a ton of cheap hairpins
every year.”
“What becomes of all the hairpins?”
“I fear you will have to ask Mine.
Diss Debar for the solution of that con
undrum. It is one of those questions
which, like the Sphynx’s riddle, is like
ly to remain unanswered for all time.
I can only suggest that perhaps the
hairpin goes the way of old bustles,
buttons, ribbons and other discarded ar
ticles of feminine adornment. If it were
not for the innumerable uses to which
woman can put the simple little hair
pin it would have vanished into histo
ry along with the high comb and hoop-
skirt. I don’t believe there is any tool
which the average woman can manip
ulate with such consummate skill and
dainty deftness as the hairpin. With
a hammer or sharp-edged tool such as
the chisel a woman succeeds in doing
little more than bruising or cutting her
fair fingers, but place a hairpin in her
hands and watch the wondrrs she per
forms. One who had never before seen
a hairpin in the hands of a woman
would never imagine that so many de
vices lay hidden within so small a bit
of metal.
“With the hairpin a woman opens
envelopes, fastens her dress, suspends a
calendar or picture on the wall, picks
her teeth and cuts apart the leaves of
her magazine or book. It becomes on
occasion an improvised nut pick, or
shoe and glove buttoner; or is as quick
ly transformed into a hook, scoop or
crank. Nor is this a complete cata
logue of the manifold uses of the hair
pin. Necessity is the mother of inven
tion; so the hairpin becomes the tool of
the moment for whatever purpose the
fair mechanic wills.”.
“Then you believe that the hairpin
has come to stay!”
“I think it has, or at least it will re
main until manual training forms a
part of the education of our girls in the
schools and colleges. You may rest
assured, how'ever, that the hairpin will
receive the attention of at least one
more generation of women.”
One that Will hear Telling Again.
Toronto World.
A certain fort in the far West, so the
story goes, was in command of a Major
of artillery who was constantly lament
ing that his favorite arm could not be
more frequently used against the In
dians. Finally one day he took one of
the small howitzers, which defended
the fort, and had it securely strapped to
the back of an army mule, with the
muzzle projecting over the animal’s
tail. With this novel gun carriage lie
proceeded in high feather with the cap
tain and a sergeant to a bluff on the
bank of the Missouri, near which was
encamped a band of friendly Indians.
The gun was duly loaded and primed,
the fuse inserted, and the mule backed
to the edge of the bluff. The Major
remarked something about the moral
effect the exhibition was likely to pro
duce upon the Indian allies, and step
ped shyly forward and applied the
match.
The curiosity of the mule was arous
ed. He jerked his head around to see
what was fizzing away there on his
neck, and the next second his £eet were
all bunched together and making
forty revolutions a minute while the
gun was threatening everything under
the canopy within a radius of ten miles
with instant destruction. The Cap
tain shinned up tlie only available tree.
The Sergeant threw himself flat on
the ground and tried to dig a hole with
his bayonet to crawl into, while the fat
Major rolled over and over in agony,
alternately invoking the protection of
Providence and cursing the mule. Fin
ally the explosion came, the ball going
through the roof of the fort. The re
coil of the gun and the wild leap of the
terrified mule carried both over the
bluff to a safe anchorage at the bottom
of the river. The discomfited party
returned to the fort.
Shortly after the chief of the Indians
appeared and announced briefly; “In
jun go home.”
Questioned as to why, he thus ex
plained: “Injun ver’ brave; help white
mau. Injun use gun, use bow arrbw,
use knife; but when white man fire off
whole jackass, Injun no understand,
no think right. Injun no help urn fight
that way.”
er, while laying off her wrap in her
room, “most of them are so trouble
some and finicky, but I think you’ll^
find I’m not one of that sort. I just
take things as 1 find them and make no
fuss at all. Now, I’ll just wash my
hands, and—O, could you get me a lit
tle white eastile soap instead of this
cocoanutoil kind ?”
“I’ll see,” said the landlady.
“And about the towels—I never use
crash quite so rough as this and I’d
like a Turkish towel on the rack all the
time.”
“Well.” >
“Thank you. I’m determined not to
be troublesome after I once get settled,
and I—don’t you think this dressing-
case would look better on this side of
the room?”
‘I don’t know.”
me it would. Suppose
you call a servant up and let us see
how it will look moved; and while
she’s here I believe I’ll change the bed
to the other corner—that is, if you’ve
no objections.”
“O, none at all.”
“Thank you. I don’t really care
much, but then—O, would it be too
much trouble to have a cup of hot wa
ter sent up to my room an hour before
each meal ? I think it does me good.”
“I suppose I can arrange that,” says
the landlady, gloomily.
“Thanks; you are kind. Now I guess
I’ll—O, I wonder if tliei’e is any hot
water in the bath-room? I’d like to
run in and just wash out a few little
things that I never send to tlie laun
dry. And I wonder if I’d be much in
the way if I ran down into the kitchen
and ironed them when they’re dry?
I’ll not be a bit of trouble.”
“The cook may object,” says the
landlady, blandly. “1 don’t mind my
self.”
“O, I’ll get around her easy enough.
Trust me for , that. I always do out
my handkerchiefs and small pieces
wherever I board, and I—O, while I
think of it. I’d like to mention that I
never drink anything but green tea,
and if it wouldn’t be too much trouble
I’d like my bread made without a bit
of salt in it. Perhaps it’s only a no
tion, but I can’t eat salted bread.
“I hardly know how to manage
that,” says the landlady dubiously.
“O, it’ll be easy enough. When you
bake just make one loaf without salt in
it. See ? I hope you won’t take a bit
of trouble on my account if I’m some
times too late for my meals. Some-
Times I may be out shopping or may
feel a little lazy in the morning and
won’t get up, but I’ll soon find out
where things are in the pantry and will
just help myself without troubling any
one.”
This strikes the landlady so dumb
that she can say nothing, and tlie oblig
ing boarder guilelessly rattles on:
“I like hot cakes for breakfast the
year round, and, somehow, no kind of
steak agrees with me but sirloin.
Would you mind ringing for a servant
and having her lower tlie window a lit
tle from the top ? O, I see the blank
ets on the bed are white. It’s only a
foolish notion of mine, but I really pre
fer red.blankets; and I see you have
woven wire springs. Could you as well
as not exchange them for the spiral
springs? I much prefer them and
” but the landlady, being new in
the business, lias gone from the room
in a dazed condition of mind, while tlie
lady boarder reduces her wants to
writing as they occur to her during the
day. v
love, that
ft
i ne's
(elery
(mound
For The NERVOUS
The DEBILITATED
The AGED.
A NERVE TORIC.
Celery and Coca, the prominent In
gredients, are the best and safest!
Nerve Tonics. It strengthens and!
quiets the nervous system, curing
Nervous Weakness, Hysteria, Sleep
lessness, &c.
AN ALTERATIVE.
It drives out the poisonous humors of
the blood purifying and enriching it,
and so overcoming those diseases
resulting from impure or impover
ished blood.
I LAXATIVE.
Acting mildlybut surely on thebowela
it cures habitual constipation, and
promotes a regular habit. Itstrength-
ens the stomach, and aids digestion.
f DIURETIC.
In Its composition the best and most
active diuretics of the Materia Medica
are combined scientifically with other
effective remedies for diseases of the
kidneys. It can be relied on to give
quick relief and speedy cure.
Hundreds of testimonials have been reoeired
from persons who have used this remedy .with
remarkable benefit. Send for circulars, giving
full particulars.
Price $1.00. Seld by Dngfl**:
WELLS, RICHARDSON & CO., Prop’s
BURLINGTON. VT.
THOMPSON BROS.
NEWNAN, GA.
FINE AND CHEAP FURNITURE
-AT PRICES-
THAT CANNOT BE BEAT IN THE STATE.
Big stock of Chambei suits in Walnut, Antique Oak, and
Cherry, and Imitation suites.
French Dresser Suites (ten pieces), from $22.60 to $125.00.
Plush' Parlor Suits, $35.00 and upward.
Bed Lounges, $9.00 and upward.
Silk Plush Parlor Suits, $50.00.
Good Cane-seat Chairs at $4.50 per set.
Extension Tables, 75 cents per foot.
Hat Racks from 25 cents to $25.00.
Brass trimmed Curtain Poles at 50 cents.
Dado Window Shades, on spring fixtures, very low.
Picture Frames on hand and made to order.
SPLENDID PARLOR ORGANS
Low, for cash or on the installment plan.
Metallic and Wooden Coffins ready at all times, night or
day.
THOMPSON BROS.,
NEWNAN, GA.
FURNITURE!
Algy—“Do you think, my
your father will consent to our mar
riage!” Augely—“Of course, papa will
be very sorry to lose me, darling.” A1
gy—“But I will say to him that, instead
of losing a daughter, he will gain a son.”
Angely—“I wouldn’t do that, love, if
you really want me. Papa lias three
such sons living at home now, and he’s
a little bit touchy on that point.”
Wouldn’t it be sweet revenge to lick
the sugar trust!
Consumption Surely Cured
To the Editor—Please inform your
readers that I have a positive remedy
for tlie above named disease. By its
timely use thousands of hopeless cases
have been permanently cured. I shall
be glad to send two bottles of my reme
dy free to any of your readers who
have consumption if they will send me
their express and post office address.
Respectfully, T. A. SLOCUM, M. C.,
1S1 Pearl street, New lork.
Female carpenters have appeared in
London. Plane women, probably.
A Positive Gentleman.
Which is the most* positive gentle
man? Cer-tain. Taylor’s Cherokee
Remedy of Sweet Gum and Mullein is
certain to cure coughs, colds and croup.
It is pleasant and effective.
Youngstown has a woman faith doc
tor. She is rapidly heeling herself.
At Might always have Acker’s Baby
Soother at hand. It is the only safe
medicine vet made that will remove all
infantile disorders. It contains no Opi
um or Morphine, but gives the child
natural ease from pain. Price 25 cents.
Sold by W. ‘P. Broom, Newnan, Ga.
I buy and sell more FURNITURE than all the dealers in
Atlanta combined. I operate fifteen large establishments. I
buy the entire output of factories; therefore I can sell you
cheaper than small dealers. Read some of my prices:
A Nice Plush Parlor Suit, $35.00.
A iStrong Hotel Suit, $15.00.
A Good Bed Lounge, $10.00.
A Good Single Lounge, $5.00.
A Good Cotton-Top Mattress, $2.00.
A Good Strong Bedstead, $1.50.
A Nice Rattan Rocker, $2.50.
A Nice Leather Rocker, $5.00.
A Strong Walnut Hat Rack, $7.00.
A Nice Wardrobe, $10.00.
A Fine Glass Door Wardrobe, $30.00.
A Fine Book Case, $20.00.
A Good Office Desk, $10.00.
A Fine Silk Plush Parlor Suit, $50.00.
A Fine Walnut 10-Piece Suit, $50.00.
A Nice French Dresser Suit, $25.00.
I respectfully invite everybody to examine my stock and get
my prices before buying your Furniture. I have the finest as
well as the cheapest Furniture in Atlanta. Write for prices.
A. G. RHODES,
85 Whitehall St., Atlanta, Ga.
The Obliging Lady Boarder.
Detroit Free Press.
“O, I’ll not be the least trouble,”
said the lady boarder, who had wheed
led the mistress of a select boarding
house into taking her for six months,
although the mistress had said that she T)R.
never, never would take another wo
man to board.
“I don’t blame you for not wanting
to board women,” said the lady board-
BlgGhugiven univer
sal satisfaction in the
cure of Cono;. ' -.oea end
Gleet. I prescribe it and
feel safe i:'. t: - - - .end
ing it to all f-Ulerers.
A. J. GT05EB, M.D.,
Docaiir, III.
PRICE, OjLGO.
Sold by Druggiats.
X. J. LYNDON, Agent, Newnan, Ga.
MICKELBERRY & McCLENDON,
WHOLESALE GROCERS,
PRODUCE AND COMMISSION MERCHANTS,
NO. 15 SOUTH BROAD ST., ATLANTA, GA.
Hay, Oats, Corn, Meal, Bran, Stock Feed,
Onions, Feathers, Cabbage, Irish Potatoes
Dressed and Live Poultry, Meat, Flour,
Lard, N. O. Syrup, Dried Beef, Cheese,
FRUITS AND ALL KINDS OF PROVISIONS AND COUNTRY PRODUCE
Consignments solicited. Quick sales and prompt remittances anna „ . ,
age. Excellent facilities for the care of perishable goods. * ‘L diy, rat-proof stor-
Judge Tolleson Kirby, Traveling Salesman.
gen^?lb'. REFERE>CE?: GatC CUy National Bank ’ aud merchants and bankers of Atlanta
against
THOMAS J. JONES.
Respectfullv otters his services to the people
in Newnan and vicinity. Office on Depot
street K. H. Barnes’ old jewelry office. Res
idence on Depot street, third building east of
A. & W. P. depot.
Insure your houses
Tornadoes and Cyclones,
with
H. C. FISHER & CO., Ag’ts.,
Newnan, Ga.
The safest Companies and
lowest rates.
2Ten? Ctbuertisemcnts.
THOMAS FENNER & CO.,
COMMISSION MERCHANTS,
COTTON AND NAVAL STORES.
140 & 142 Pearl SI., New York.
ESTABLISHED 38 YEARS.
EJTaBrixg your Job Work to Mc
Clendon & Co., Newnan, Ga.