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Spring Place Jimplecute
CARTER & HEARTSELL. PpoPBreroHS.
VOLUME XI.
THE MAN IN THE MOON.
The man in the moon looked down, looked
down,
As he went sailing over town,
And spied & snug retreat and dark,
Beneath a yew tree in a park,
O deart
Why did he smile so broad and Queer?
There was a bench beneath the tree,'
And on it sat not one nor three.
And yet ha peered the branches through
To he Quite sure that there were two.
Well, ■▼ell,
Such tale* a* the Man in the Moon could tell!
He sent a silver shaft of light
Straight through the vague and lying night;
It flashed athwart two eyes upturned.
And two with love and youth that burned—
Alack!
And these were blue and those were black.
And then the Man In the Moon sailed past
Across the heavens wild and vast;
And though he smiled, he did not look
Again into that leafy nook.
Oh, oh,
Hs sees so much. tlvaA’s Queer.you know!
DRACK, TIIE SPRITE.
TKANSI.ATEB FROM THE FRENCH.
In the last century there lived in tho
iiule town ol Gaillac a young merchant
named Michael, who, finding himself at
tlie age to marry, set about seeking a
wife. Provided she was gentle, pious,
rich, pretty, aud of good family, it whs
of little importance as to the rest, for
Michael knew that tt was necessary to
be modest in one's desires. Unhappily,
he did not set* a person in Gaillac who ap¬
peared worthy of his choice. All the
young girls there had known defects,
without speaking of those that were un¬
known.
Finally, he was told of a demoiselle of
Lavaur dowered with virtues unnum¬
bered and 20,000 crowns. This last sum
was exactly the amount Michael needed
to establish himself, so he immediately
fell deeply in love with tlie young lady
of Lavaur. He was introduced to the
family, who found hkn very agreeable,
and welcomed him favorably. But the
young heiress had several suitors between
whom she hesitated. After some prelim¬
inaries, it was decided that they should
all meet at an evening's sociable, and,
being compared, the relatives of the
young lady should make a choice.
On the day assigned Michael left Gail¬
lac for Lavaur. He had put into his
portmanteau what was tlie most suitable;
an apple green coat, a pigeon throat
purple vest, black velvet trousers, hose of
silk with silver facings, and buckled
shoes, beside powder and satin ribbon for
his queue. Ills horse was covered by a
long netting to protect him from the flies,
and the bridlo was ornamented with
tufts of silk, while tho saddle was of hog-
skin. Moreover, the prudent traveler had
not omitted putting pistols into his hol¬
sters, where also w as slipped in a small
flagon of brandy and a few slices of
pistachio nut cake.
In reality, Michael was so anxious
about the arranged test that he felt at
each instant his courage oozing away.
Hence, perceiving afar the church of
Lavaur, he came to a sudden pauso. He
first reiuqfl in his steed, then put his foot
upon tlie ground, and to order to reflect
upon what ho should say during the
evening of trial entered a little grove,
where he seated himself upon the turf.
He had drawn from their place, for the
sake of companionship, the pistachio nut
cake and the flask, placing them between
bis knees so that, without thinking, he
might accompany his reflections by swal¬
low's of liquor and mouthfuls of food.
These distractions resulted in reassuring
him and giving him confidence. He ar-
rived at the point of believing himself
possessed of all the graces of w'it and of
virtue, and he w as infallibly assured of
victory.
So, as the sun disappeared behind the
horizon, he rose to continue his journey,
when a noise w r as heard behind him in the
thicket. It was as of a multitudeof little
feet striking the sod in cadence to tho
Bound of drum and cymbals. Michael,
astonished, turned about, and by the light
■of the first stars perceived a troop of earth
men led by their king, Tambourinet; tlie
buffoon of these little people, Goblin
Drack, came last, turning hand springs
and uttering cries like a jackdaw.
The faries surrounded the traveler with
a thousand testimonials of friendship and
good wishes. Michael, who had drank
too much not to be brave, welcomed
them like old acquaintances, and seeing
that their’ little eyes were fixed upon his
cake, broke it out to them as to so many
Sparrows,
Despite their great numbers each had a
bit, save Drack, who arrived when all
was ended.
Tambourinet wished now to know
what was the quality of this brandy, and
the flask was passed from hand to hand
until it reached the jester, who found it
empty, and threw it away.
“This is just, my little man," he said
to the goblin, “for those who arrive too
late can expect but disappointment. ”
“I will give you something so that you.
will always remember your words, * cried
Drack in a rage.
“And what is that?" inquired the trav¬
eler ironically. “Do you think yourself
big enough to fight with me?"
Drack disappeared without replying,
and Michael remounted his horse after
taking leave of Tambourinet.
He had not proceeded a hundred paces
when the saddle turned and threw him
intp.the dust. He rose, slightly stunned,
; rebuokhd the girth, and again mounted
his horse; but a little farther along, as lie
teas passing a bridge, the right stirrup
suddenly broke, and he found himself
seated in the middle of the way. He
rent is m had humor, and
SPRING PLACE, GA., THURSDAY, OCTOBER 29, 1891.
naa a third fall upon the atones of the
road, and there found a resting place.
Fearing that if he persisted he should be
unable to present himself to the family of
Ilia intended, he decided to ride his horse
bareback and carry tire saddle upon his
shoulder. He thus made his entrance
into Lavaur amid the laughter of t)ie peo¬
ple, who were taking tea before their
doors.
“Laugh, laugh, you doable idiots!"
murmured Michael. “It dees not appear
to me such a remarkable thing that a
man should carry his saddle when it will
not carry him. ”
At last he reached the hotel, where he
alighted and demanded a chamber in
which to remove his traveling garments.
He opened his valise with care and laid
out upon the lied the articles of his toilet
in the order of their importance.
Thinking first of his hair, he considered
whether itshould be powdered to a blonde
or like hoar frost. The last appeared to
him most tender, so he took the pull ball
of swan’s down and commenced opera¬
tions upon the right hand Bide; but when
he had finished it appeared as if an invis¬
ible baud had jiowdered the other side of
tlie head a blonde in a manner to make it
part yellow aud part white, like an or-
augc half peeled.
Michael, astonished, hastened to mix
the powders with the comb, and being in
too great a hurry to comprehend the
reason—for thought demanded much
leisure with him—he extended his hand
toward the spool on which the satin ri* -
lain destined for his queue was wound.
Tiie spool escaped his grasp and fell to
the floor. Michael ran to pick it up, but
it seemed to tty before him. Twenty
times he stooped to seize it, and twenty
times it eluded his impatient hands. One
would say it was a kitten playing with a
bone. Finally he lost patience, and see¬
ing that the evening was advanced, he
resigned himself to wear his old ribbon,
nnd made all possible speed to put on his
morocco shoes.
He first buckled the right shoe, then
the left, and his eye, arrested by the lat¬
ter , led him to admire the elegance of
the member, which had nothing plebeian
in it, when he perceived that tlie first
buckle bent nearly to the floor. He oc¬
cupied himself in placing it better. A
brief interval, and the second shoe needed
attention. Michael had hardly set this
right than the other demanded now care.
He persisted thus for a wholo hour with¬
out being uble to have both equal in ad¬
justment.
Furious, he put on again his traveling
shoes to end it, and then reached for his
velvet knee breeches; but now another
marvelous tiling! At the moment he ap¬
proached the bed the breeches launched
themselves from It, and began to circu¬
late about the chamber with a thousand
provoking gambols.
Michael, jietrifled, remained for a
mouMiit open mouthed, with arms ex
tended, contemplating with bewildered
eyes this strange scene. But I leave you
to think what you may when he saw his
vest, his coat, his hat join the breeches,
taking their respective places and form¬
ing an imitation of himself, parodying
his attitudes.
Pale and terrified he rushed toward the
window, but at this moment perceived,
under the three cornered hat, the grin¬
ning face of Master Drack, who inadn
mocking gestures to him.
Michael uttered a cry.
“Ah, miserable jester, it is you, thenl"
le exclaimed. “Upon my soul I will
make you repent of your insolence If you
do not return to me my clothes immedi¬
ately 1"
At these words he sprang upon the ap¬
parition, but llraek, with a retrograde
movement, was at the other end of the
chamber. The young man, whom anger
and impatience made beside himself,
precipitated himself anew upon the gob-
lin, but this time he passed lietween his
legs and out upon the staircase.
Michael, in a rage, pursued him; he
climbed to the fourth story, reached tlie
garret, where Drack turned himself like
a clothes horse until he took the fancy to
escape by a dormer window. Michael
exasperated, took the same road. The
malicious goblin promenaded from roof
to roof, trailing the velvet breeches, the
vest, the coat, in all the gutters, to the
great despair of Michael. At last, after
a peregrination of several hours, travers¬
ing these mountains of the cate and swal
lows, Drack climbed a high chimney, at
the base of which his adversary WiU
obliged to pause.
He bent toward the breathless and dis
couraged young man.
“You see, my pretty friend,” said he,
laughing, “you have forced me to spoil
your ball dress upon the moss of the
roofs; but, happily, what I see hero
under the warm, white smoke will remedy
all that."
As he spoke, Drack agitated the velvet
breeches above the pipe of the chimney.
“What are you doing, you fool?" cried
the young man.
“I will send your clothes to the
bleacher," cried the goblin.
And the coat, the vest, and the hat,
followed the breeches into the smoky
abyss.
The young gallarA seated himself upon
the roof with a groan of despair, but he
rose almost immediately.
“Very well,” said he with resolution,
“I will go to the ball in my traveling
attire."
A bell sounded from a neighboring
clock. It was midnight. Michael counted
the 12 strokes and could not restrain a
cry. This was the hour appointed by the
relatives to make known among the suit¬
ors present the one which the young lady
preferred.
“UnhaoDv one that I and" be ex¬
“TELL THE TRUTH.”
claimed. “When 1 sliail now have ar¬
rived all will be over. Tlie guests aud
tlie parents will niock at me!’’
“ And that will be just, my great man, *
replied Brack with a biting sneer; “for
you said to me, ‘To those who arrive too
late nothing remains but regrets.’ Being
thus served, I hope the lesson wifi pre¬
vent you at another time from laughing
at the weak. And remember henceforth
that the smallest are the most revenge-
tuL"
A SKLP RAISING NOSfiL
Adonift DUey’g Remarkable Eiprri-
eatef at a Lo» Aittfele* Theater.
It is doubtful whether tlie annals of
the American stage have anything more
ludicrous than an accident which befell
Actor Henry Dixey on his last California
tour, says tlie Chicago Mail. He was
playiug “The Seven Ages” at Los An¬
geles to standing room only. In his
makeup as the Judge in tlie fourth act
Dixey wears an artificial nose—a huge
Roman nasal appendage of putty colored
with vermilliou and ocher.
Upon the occasion referred to the play
made a big hit, and tlie first three acts
were presented with all the regularity
aud smoothness of clockwork. At this
point, however, Dixey made the discov¬
ery' that the property man had neglected
to provide putty for that rubicund ju¬
dicial nose. Hastily summoning a call
boy, Dixey sent him out to procure the
missing article. It was nearly time for
the curtain when the youngster reap¬
peared aud reported, “1 can’t get no
putty nowhere.” Then Dixey gave an
impromptu war dance, which would have
made him instantly famous had lie been
before an audience, and seizing the boy.
shouted: “i^uick, nowl Get me somo
flour, quick! Run to a grocery, lion
every inch of the way going and coin¬
ing I”
Scared by the rather warlike demon¬
strations of Adonis, tho youngster lost
no time in getting the much desired flour,
Dixey hastily mixed the flour with a lit¬
tle water, kneaded it into dough, fash¬
ioned it into the semblance of his putty
nose, and painted it os usual. The re¬
sult was eminently satisfactory; the
dough was lighter than putty and tnoro
adhesive, while there was no difference
in the appearance.
After a short wait the curtain was rung
up and the fourth act proceeded. It was
a warm night, and the heat from the gas
footlights was quite oppressive. By the
time Dixey had finished the celebrated
dance in that act and had responded to
an encore he was perspiring freely, owing
to the unwonted heat. This combination
of circumstances had a most wonderful
effect upon the comedian’s artificial nose.
The members of tho company were thun¬
derstruck to observe that the most prom¬
inent featuresof the judge’s physiognomy
was growing, and growing very rapidly,
too.
Within three minutes from the begin¬
ning of tlie act that wonderful nose had
doubled in size, and was still growing
with a persistence which threatened soon
to eclipse the other facial features. The
orchestra noticed the phenomenon and
every player stared at in astonishment.
Then the. audience observed the change
in tlie judge’s apjioarance, and wondered
how it was produced, and what it had to
do with the play.
But matters steadily grew worse, and
finally the actor was obliged to skip
lightly from the stage to take heroic
measures for reducing the mysterious and
inexplicable swelling of his nose. About
two thirds of it was left in the dressing
room this time, but the fractional pro¬
boscis continued its dilating tactics, and
when the act closed the judge’s nose was
still much larger than usual.
When the curtain was rung down tlie
meinliers of the company made a rush
for Dixey’a dressing room to find out
what was the matter. There they found
Dixey standing in tlie middle of the floor
with his erratic nose in one hand and a
small can of flour in the other, i le was
reading aloud to himself tlie printed di¬
rections of the can: “Self raising flour—
requires no yeast or leaven. Mix with a
little cold water and set in a warm place
for a few minutes, when tlie dough will
be rewjy for baking. ”
At a Wedding.
The wedding in question was, in many
ways, the most brilliant event of tlie
Beason. Nothing which could serve to
heighten the grace and significance of the
affuir had been spared. The church, fit¬
tingly decorated by a Boston artist, was
tilled with interested guests. The faint
strains of Mendelssohn floated through
the still air, and tlie beautiful bride stood
before the altar with her chosen one.
The pastor of the church, ritual in
hand, read the solemn service until he
came to the critical moment, when lie
said:
“Repeat after me, ‘I, William, take
thee, Frances.’”
He did not proceed at once, for to every
one’s astonishment, before the bridegroom
could find his voice, the bride, in clear,
firm tones, repeated:
“‘I, William, take thee, Frances.’”
There was a dead silence, till the second
officiating clergyman, unable longer to
control himself, laughed outright. This
was the signal for a contagious wave of
merriment.
As soon as the pastor could compose
his features and resumo his dignified
voice, he said:
“Repeat after me, % William, tako
thee, Frances.’”
This time the bridegroom spoke up
bravely, and there was no more blunder-
tmm
GlliU’ NAMES.
Frances is "uii-Uiiiu'tl and free;*
Bertlia “pellucid, purely blight;*
Clara, “clear" as the crystal sea;
Lucy,a star of radiant "llglit;"
Catharine is “pure" as the mountain air;
Henrietta,a soft,sweet “star;"
FelU-ia is a “happy girl;"
Matilda is a "lady true;"
Margaret is a shining “pearl;"
Rebecca, “with the faithful few;"
Busan is a “lily white; 1 *
Jane lias tlie willow’s curve and "grave;*
Cecilia,dear,“is dim of night,;”
Sophia shows “wisdom on her face;’’
Constance is linn and “res. Mute;"
draco, delicious,“favor meet;”
Charlotte, “noble,good repute;”
Harriet,a line “odor sweet;”
Isabella is a “lady rare;”
Lucinda, “constant as the day;*
Jdarie. means “a lady fair;”
A Me al, “joyful” as a May;
Elizabeth, “an oath of trust;”
Adella, “idee princess,proud;**
Agatha "is truly good and just;”
Let.it la, “a joy avowed; ”
Jemima, “a soft sound in the air;*
Caroline, “a sweet, rj»> It hale;”
Cornelia,“harmoniousand fair;”
Selina, “a sweet nightingale;”
Lydia, “a refreshing well;”
Judith, “a song of sue rod praise;”
Julia, “a Jewel none exeel;”
Priscilla,“ancient of days.”
A EAT MAN'S AMIHTION.
Jd.I.n Craig AY.-iglta 015 l*imnd- anil la
Anxious to Ail.I 35 lu It,
Some men travel on their nerve, some
on their sha|ie. John Harmon Craig
travels on his size, nays the Kansas City
Mar.
Before his recent visit to wonderland,
in this city, John hml traveled more than
4(10,(1(10 miles. It is a long journey, but
John lias much size.
The floor over which John may choose
to walk must he prepared to withstand a
Strain of 915 pounds. Nevertheless he
cats and sleeps regularly and conse¬
quently is healthy. Iiis ambition is to
weigh 1,000 pounds, which would shatter
the records of both historical and myth¬
ological heavy weights, lie thinks he
will do it shortly, unless his anxiety to
do so retards his growth.
“ 11 lias been the law with people of ab¬
normal weight and size," said Mr. Craig
during his recent exhibition here, “to be
short livqd and subject to violent, attacks
of illness. I am tiie only one who has
en joyed throughout life perfect health. "
(Taig has accumulatedseveftil fortunes
mill lost two or thiee in an attempt to
run a circus, lie yet possesses a bank
account well proportioned to his own
size. Besides lieing n fat man he Is a
Knight of Pythias, Odd Fellow, and
United Worknmn. Those who know
him host say that he is also a regular
bureau of charity.
He was born in Iowa City, Iowa, and is
85 years old. At birth lie weighed 11
pounds. At 11 months he weighed 71
pounds, and at the age of 2 years In
weighed 206 pounds. He was the biggest
baby in the world for his age, and cap¬
tured the $1,000 cash prize offered by Bar-
Burn in 1858. For the next two years he
traveled in Europe. When he returned
he weighed 300 pounds, and a year later
he weighed 405 pounds. When 25 years
old lie weighed 625 pounds.
There is a Mrs. Craig and a Mr. Craig,
Jr. Mrs. Craig is a blonde, 24 years of
age, and weighs 117 pounds. They met
for the first time In St. Joseph in 1884,
wiien Craig was on exhibition there. It
was a case of love at first sight for both,
and in less than a week after the meeting
matrimonial negotiations had ended suc¬
cessfully. They were married in Fort
.ScolJ, Kan., two weeks later.
Craig’s father weighed 117 pounds, his
mother 125 pounds.
lni|iiiix Water.
Comparatively few persons have ever
seen absolutely pure water. Even rain
water, which is the nearest common ap¬
proximation to it, is far from reaching
the absolute standard, arid though it is
good for washing, not many persons
would care to drink it. Spring water is
popularly supposed to be pure, but it al¬
ways contains more or less earthy or sa¬
line substances. Indeed, the value of
most springs is due to tills fact.
The ocean itself is a huge spring, con¬
taining not only salt, but many other
minerals in solution. Tlie Dead Sea is
charged with such elements almost to
saturation. Only distilled water is pure.
By distillation sea water itself is ren¬
dered drinkable, though not pleasant.
As sand consists largely of silex, which
water at the ordinary temperature does
not dissolve, the water of a sandy region
is eoinpartively pure. The “hard "witter
of other regions is duo to earthy matter
held in solution. This earthy matter,
however, is seldom harmful to those who
drink it.
Impure Water, in the medical sense of
the word, is water that contains in¬
fectious microbes. Water, as such,
never contains these; nor does any form
of simple impurity ever give rise to
them, though it may greatly facilitate
tlieir multiplication.
Every case of infectious disease implies
a previous case, aud when water is in¬
fected it is because infected secretions
have in some way entered it, having been
carried thrown ujion the^ well ground and thence
to tho or spring, or river
which supplies the family or community.
It should be remembered that tho
deeper the well the larger the area from
which the rainwater finds Its way into
it. No discharges or other secretions
from the room of a sick person should bo
thrown on the ground or buried in it,
within at least 100 feet of the well.
But water which is drank is not tho
only source of danger. Many a wide¬
spread anil fatal epidemic has been
traced to milk from dairies where t.ho
pans had been washed iu impure water,
or tlie milk itself adulterated with it.
ItKV.v AIOIjS NOTES.
Ur. Talmage's now' tabernacle in Brook-
lyu will hold twice as many persons as
tlie old tabernacle.
The German Reformed Church in the
United States reports 1,556congregations
and 203,892 members.
After long opposition on the part of I ho
vestry, the electric light has finally been
introduced into old Trinity Church at
New York.
The Universities’ mission in Central
Africa, which now has 2,000 adherents,
is rejoicing in the ordination of its first
native priest.
It is reported that the attitude of the
Vatican toward the Italian government
has improved since the downfall of the
Crispi ministry.
Rev, Dr. Habato Morais celebrated at
his home in Philadelphia recently the
completion of 40 years of ministerial serv¬
ice wit li the orthodox Portuguese Congre¬
gation Mick we Israel,
A foreign missionary journal says: “ In
Africa the number of missionaries ex-
coeds 500, and the number of converts
400,000, increasing by about 25,000 a year.
During the past'five years Africa lias fur¬
nished more than 200 martyrs.
A new Anglican cathedral has been
consecrated in Melbourne, Australia. A
Congregational paper says that its com¬
pletion is a matter of congratulation “not
alone to the members of the Anglican
Church, hut to all citizens of Melbourne.
ami indeed to the whole colony. ”
By the will of the late Oliver Hoyt, of
Stamford, Conn., nearly $100,000 is left
to benevolent societies. The Methodist
Missionary Society receives $20,060, Wes¬
leyan University, $25,000; Cornell Col¬
lege of Iowa, 10,000; New York East Con¬
ference, $5,000, and the American Bible
Society, $10,000,
The entire clergy of Dalmatia have pe¬
titioned the pope to permit all the Slav¬
onic priests of the- Balkans to celebrate
mass in their native language. The peti¬
tion .sets forth that the Slavonic people,
on account of their antipathy to the mass
iu the Latin language, go over to the
Creek orthodox churches.
The next event of international impor¬
tance in the Christian Endeavor move¬
ment will lie the annual convention at
Minneapolis, July 9th to 12th. A hall
that seats 10,000 has been provided, and
the ablest speakers from all denomina¬
tions will he heard. Reduced rates on all
railroads and at hotels will be provided.
The Louisiana Conference of the Meth¬
odist Episcopal Church South reports 231
church edifices, valued at $430,000, and
58 parsonages, valued at $50,114. They
also report 90 local preachers, with 20,025
white aud 8 colored members; 210 Sun¬
day schools, with 1,299 teachers and 8,499
scholars. The amount raised for missions
was $0,642.
An English Methodist paper says that
the most brilliant commemoration of the
centenary of John Wesley’s death was
held at old >St. Giles Church in Edin¬
burg. There gathered in that cathedral,
seven centuries old, the representatives of
the historic Presbyterian churches, of the
town council, and the venerable univer¬
sity, in testimony of the benefit which the
Evangelical revival has conferred ou the
nation.
Thera is probably no ecclesiastical or¬
ganization in America that lias grown as
rapidly as has the Missouri Synod of the
Lutheran Church. .Begun less than 40
years ago in Perry county, Mo., by a few
German pastors who bad left Saxony for
conscience sake, it now has spread, from
ocean to ocean and from Canada, to Mex¬
ico. According to the statistical year
book just published, the synod now num¬
bers 1,140 pastors, 1,631 organized con¬
gregations, 548 mission points, 305,350
confirmed and communicant members.
It is said that the Catholics of Brazil
have been very much opposed to the pro¬
vision of the constitution of the republic
which deprives priests and employees of
the church of the right to vote, and also
debars priests from becoming members
of Congress. It is understood that the
reason this provision was inserted was
that the officers of the church really held
their allegiance to their spiritual supe¬
riors as stronger than their allegiance to
the State, and, therefore, are not such
true citizens of the republic as would en¬
title them to a voice in its government.
This provision, however, has been some¬
what modified.
It may not be generally known, notes
the Congre.gationalist, that the Ameri¬
can committee on the revision of thebihle
still keeps up its organization aud holds
occasional meetings. By the terms of
agreement with the English university
presses the committee can not issue an
authorized American edition of the re¬
vised bilile till 14 years after the publica¬
tion of tlie English edition. But 10 years
have already passed, and tlie New Testa¬
ment Company can easily finish its prep¬
aration for an American edition before
1895. It is proposed to incorporate the
American appendix Into tlie text, to fur¬
nish chapter headings taken from the
words of the text, and the references to
quotations from tlie old testament in the
new. Perhaps also the committee will
select parallel passages and make sugges¬
tions of other changes for future use.
Even the most conceited of men may
be pardoned his good opinion of himself
if he remembers what ids mother and
the neighbors said about hkn when ho
was a baby.—[Somerville Journal.
The great Albonl, the contralto, is still
living in Paris, well to do, comfortable,
and happy.
You can’t tell for oertaln what a man
will to till he does it-—{Atchison Globa*
One Dou.ab a Year.
NO 39.
THE OTHER WAY.
“Of poets Horace leads them all."
“Nay, Virgil is the best."
Thus Jones aud Brown would fight though
t hey
Agreed in all the rest.
Said Jones, "Now. let us he at peace,
I’ll read your Virgil thro’.”
“And 1 as much, ” was Brown’s reply,
“Will for your Horace do."
“Kre T commence 1 must repeat
That Virgil all hands leads. ”
"And l insist all poets else
’ My Horace far excesds." *
Each read the other's poet deep,
From close to fountain head;
And when they met again thus Jones
Unto Brown thoughtful said:
“1 now agree with what you claimed;
There's none like Virgil fair."
“Except," was Brown’ reply, "there’s none
Can beat great Horace there."
And so reversed their former tastes,
They argue, fight., and roar
Full leu times worse,if such could be,
Thau e’er they did before.
Untimely Mil'll,.
Uncle Marcus l’arrish was a staid old
gentleman, regarded as a model of good
sense aud decorum by the whole com
munity. On one occasion, howevei his
conduct was most unseemly. A carriage
had been sent to fetch him and his wit
to the funeral of their cousin James. Just
before leaving the house Uncle Marne
rushed down cellar to look after the fur¬
nace, having donned, according to habit,
an old straw bat. After seeing that every -
thing was right he hurried back, locked
bis front door, aud entered the carriage
without a thought of exchanging His
head gear for the new silk hat on the hall
stand.
Mrs. Parrish, who was deeply affected
by the death of her relative, was in tears
nearly ail the way, and failed to notice
Uncle Marcus’s mistake.
Not until the usher was gingerlj' bear¬
ing away the grimy old hat, with tlie
ashes still lingering on its brim, did Uncle
Marcus know what he had done. With
something between a groan and a laugh,
he followed his still unobserving wife
into the mourners’ parlor.
In spite of his efforts to control him¬
self, his mouth twitched and his eyes
sparkled with merriment. With a look
half of curiosity, half of shame, his wife
saiil:
“ For pity’s sake, Mark, what ails you ?”
“Nothing, Eliza, nothing. I—I was
merely thinking,” said he, “what if poor
James was alive,” and that thought sent
him iuto a worse laugh than ever.
As soon as he had quieted down a little
his wife said:
“Everybody is looking at you, Mark,
and 1 don’t wonder. I should think you
were at a sociable,” and Mrs. Marcus
took to weeping to hide her shame.
By this time Uncle Marcus was in a
nervous, half hysterical condition, and
could not control himself. The service
lagan, but not once could he forget the
absurdity of his mistake. Whenever he
looked out through the open door into
t he hall, he fancied the usher was eye¬
ing him. If he looked at the coffin of
his cousin to steady himself, the knowl¬
edge of what a joke James himself
would think it was sure to make him
laugh.
The eating of troches which his wife
handed him served only to make Ins
agony more intense. He coughed, Mew
his nose, pinched his wrists, bit his lips,
but in vain. He could only keep him¬
self from making violent outbursts.
At. last the minister finished his words
of eulogy, and with a hasty whisper that
he must go home—did not feel equal to
a ride to the cemetery—Uncle Marcus
left ids wife to tlie care of his brother,
seized the old hat which the usher
brought him—no fear of its lielonging to
any one else—and hurried home as fast
as he could.
Half an hour later his wife found him
sitting before tlie mirror, the old straw
hat in one hand, aud the new beaver in
tlie other.
“Well, Marcus Parrish, are you, or are
you not, raving crazy?” was her greet¬
ing.
“ L should have been, Eliza, if that
funeral had lasted a minute longer. Sit
down now, and I’ll confess what was
the matter w ith me. ” -
His confession had to be told to more
than one person, and lie was forgiven by
every one but his wife. She never
could quite overlook the fact that he had
laughed all through a funeral.
Experiments with strawlx-rriesindicate
that pollen hearing is an exhaustive proc¬
ess, and that larger yields of fruit, as a
rule, may lie expected from those, varie¬
ties which produce pollen so sparingly
that a small proportion of other varieties
producing pollen abundantly must be
planted with them in order to insure a
full crop.
A (l«n«t«u Buikn.
A Nrwtty anecdote comes from BrusseS
fllnstrating thegeneronsspirit of a banket
of that city. The banker is fond of out¬
door exercise. As an exhibition of his
skill in skating, he made his autograph
on tlie ice in a very artistic marines
Some gentlemen having admired tlie sig¬
nature, proceeded to write above it as
follows:
“On demand I premise to pay for the
benefit of tiie poor the sum of 5,006
francs. ”
They sawed out tlie block of ico, and,
nnviug called a hack, proceeded to tho
bank and carried the frozen note of hand
—of foot, we mean—to the cashier’s
counter. The cold temjierature happily
prevented the melting away of the,- 1 "’
draft, and tho bauker having te
pealed to, entered it to be paid.—tab
Times.