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AL HEARS THE STORY OF KHAKI’S MAGIC SPELL
BY OUR OWN RING W. LARDNER
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’PRNATEJIM’ %
Well they get down hear in his runabout in the a.m. and he says hello
Jim out of one corner of his mouth -where a butt was hanging out of the
other one in an easy way. Os coarse he was in civilyun close Al not being
draftit because he says lies fizically unfit some line hay Al with that big
stiff stronger than you and me both. But I guest he aint quite so strong with
Aggie as when he startit out yestidy a.m. in that runabout car.
it is sum story Al I wish I could give it to you all just as it happint. Well
when he says hello jim Aggie never says nothing and I could of swore there
was teers in her eyes and they is some eyes you know that Al. She just
stood their and lookt at me not so much at me as at my unifform which is
better than some of these dubs wear because you know me Al how it is when
I put close on they look different than when other guys put them on.
well Al she just lookt at me and I lookt at her and finely I says Hello
Ag earless like as if wed just met on the street car or something but not as if
wed been away from one another for three weeks and this big stiff Slacker
there every nite if -what her sister says is on the levul. She lookt at me so
hard I thot their was somethin wrong with my unifform so I stood at atten
shun and lookt like we look at inspeckshun when we feel as if we have got
the guy next to usses close on.
then she jumped outta that runabout and left Slacker cold and hollers
FELLERS
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CMAPiM
U. S, Building Big Depot
“Somewhere in France”
“Somewhere in France” Uncle
Sam is constructing a most extensive
ordnance and depot of issue and re-
Well Al here it is a Monday and we are back in
the trenchus agen. Not reglar trenchus Al their
aint reglar trenchus hear eggzept what the plum
bers make in the streets but in the trenchus of des
ponduncy as you mite say on Monday morning when
the Sunday wimmen have all took back there teer
stayned hankercheeves to the city.
I told you Al about how Aggie was gonna come
out here but with that big stiff Bill Slacker that
has a car and a big job with a lotta money comiu to
him every month more than thirty bux tjiat we are
drawing. Well Al when I herd Aggie was gonna
drive hear with that big stiff I was never as sorry
that the riffles havent been ishewed with bullits and
everything. That big goof having the nerve to
drive down hear with Aggie and me away. Some
crust hay Al.
sence ive ben in camp Aggies sister has ben
writeing me of how he hangs around and takes
Aggie out to spend money on her which he has got
more of than I have with only thirty bux per. Well
I guest sence what hapend yestidy their wont be so
much money going out on Aggie from him. You
know me A).
pair at a cost of $100,000,000. It
;will be stocked with billions of rounds
■of ammunition, shells, shrapnel,
high explosives, bombs and ordnance
.'of every description.
TRENCH AND CAMP
back to him 11l see you later Bill and left him smoking a butt and there was
a look in his eyes that wm bad even if he isnt draftit to site the kaiser I
think he could of faut me then and their Al.
well he tries to start his car but somethin in the magnesia or somethin
was all rong Al and we stood their I and Aggie did I mean while he Jumpt out
and cussed at that macheen somethin awful for wimmen to here. I says
Mister Slacker dont seem to be in very good hnmmor Aggie what is their
rong do you think. Well Al she laffed and said I dont know Jim mebbe he
dont like your unifform or somethin and the car has beggun to feel the .vzim
way. are you gonna show me the camp Jim. She leened on my inn saying
this to me and Al I dont blame any magnesia for going rong in a car after
what that big stiff Slacker says when he heard what Aggie says to me
asking would I show her the camp.
well Al I pretendut I was bizy this a.m. and dident know for sure xlwt
whether I-could show her the camp which was a stall Al for their was nothin
on for me that a.m. eggzept to report for mess. Get Mister Slacker to show
you around heal probly know a good deal about this place and he has his ear
with him. Well Al she just lookt up at me and I couid of pulled sum necking
then and their if it hadent ben for that boob Slacker that brut her down and
was cussen at his magnesia or somethin awful.
i and Aggie kept our eyes on nothing but that car for about 5 runite and
finely I says Aggie 111 be glad to show you sum of the camp but I hardly think
it is fare to Mister Slacker. Well Al she was hurt I could see that and looks
up to me agen with that buy me a new hat plees way cf Lers and. saya Just
two words which was enough Oh Jim.
well Al it was all off that stall about barring somcthiiag on e© we i*xEit
the day together I and her looking at the camp but not aWagether- cl Ltue
camp as their is a lot of trees hear to show wimmen.
1 and Aggie lookt at quite a bit of both that afternoon and as we was
coming in to the camp again I could of died with supprise. Their was that
big boob Slacker in his car ahead of us in the rode and he was under it .qgm
and we could here the cussin from where we was standing I and Aggie couM.
well Al she says Jim I dont care when I get back to the city there ere
tranes or trolleys running sure and I says of coarse it will be pcmfble to
reach the city in sum way diffrunt than you came out by. VZe says Hello
Bill when we gets up to where his car was on top of him aad he never Lookt
out from under only cusst somethin awful! which Aggie was ust to Ury now and
dident say nothin.
well Al she is back to the city now on the same desk I suppose but I and
her have talkt things pretty solid and by now I guess that big boob Slacker
is wishing he never horned in on no sold gers game hay AL Thirty per isent
so bad Al when you get your horde and room and sum other things for nothin
You know me your old pal PRIVATE JIM* «
, More than 1,000 miles of railway
is to be constructed, leading from
the arsenal to the sector of the west
ern front assigned to the American
forces.
H’gh Class Shows
Will Be Staged
At Every Camp
The truth of the old saying, ““All
work and no play makes Jack a dull
boy,” has been kept well in mind by
Uncle Sam in establishing the thirty
two army cantonments throughout
the country. The big brown tents of
the Redpath Activities Commission
are now being put up in the different
camps and up to the minute programs
will be given nightly far the army
men.
The object of the Kedpsth Ac'lfvi
tiea is to furnish clean, wholeso-me
entertainment at movie prices.- The
entire project will be run on a <cost
basis with no profit to any one. Ac
counts will be audited by the Fosdick
Commission of the War Department
on Training Camp activities and all
money above actual expenses turned
over to the camp.
The present plan is to change the
bill weekly and semi-weekly depend
ing on the nature of the attractions.
The programs will be given in vaude
ville form; three or four different at
tractions appearing each night. Live
ly comedy will predominate at all
times in all of the acts. The boys
want fun and the Redpath tent is go
ing to be full of it. A wide variety
will be given—music, both vocal and
instrumental; light opera, orchestra
and band concerts; cartoonists;
make-up artists; comedy sketches;
plays, and In fact high-class produc
tions of every character, with cos
tumes and scenic and lighting effects
as good as to be found in th® metro
politan theatres.
The shows are . already in full
swing in Camp Grant, Rockford, Illi
nois; Camp Custer, Battle Creek,
Michigan, and Camp Sheridan, Chilli
cothe, Ohio, where the big crowds
and hearty applause each night show
that the boys are getting what they
want. Some of the attractions al
ready presented have been the White
Hussars, a singing band; the Fair
child Sisters, a vocal and instrument
al quartet; the Killarney Girls, a
sextet in songs and stories; Reno,
magician; Ratto, wig and grease
paint man; and a complete produc
tion of Gilbert and Sullivan’s light
opera, “The Mikado.”
Harry P. Harrison, manager of the
Redpath Bureau, Chicago, and Chair
man of the Redpath Activities Com
mission, says: “The War Commission
is to b_ congratulated on availing
themselves of this tremendous force.
Every father’s and mother’s heart
will be lightened at the th& „ht that
the War Department is providing in
the camps the influence of the Ameri
can Chautauqua and V it their boys’
lives while away from home will be
brightened by such wholesome enter
tainment.”
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