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GALLAHF.R S INDEPENDENT,
PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY AT
UUITMAN, GA.,
by
J. C. GALLAHER.
■ hl 1
TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION
TWO DOLLARS per Annum in Advance.
WHY ?
BY CECILIA METELLA*
**Why do you love mo ?" akM my kingly lover,
With head soft pillowed ou it throbbing throne,
%ith burning lips whoso pasßiou-kissoa cover
Th© lips that answer softly to hia own :
“Why do you love,mo? Tell mo, Troaanro-trove,
What magic talisman evokes this lovo V*
tVhr do I love you ? Why do summer rosea
Lift their bright heads to drink the evening
Saw ?
such sweet a the Minim or night discloses,
Not half so tenderly the zephyrs woo ;
nor gum mor hroezo can yield such bliss
Ah your lips give in on© long lingering kiss.
Why do I foVc y#U ? lleep within tb* forest
Cjrecpi round the oak the growing crimson vine;
When tempost* Wow and storms are raging sorest,
lid chser still its clinging tendrils twine.
Far closer, safer trom the world s alarms
Rest I within the circle of your arms.
Why do I love you ? See the opening blossom
Turning its golden petals to the sun,
CatcjtMftg the radiance from his glowing bosom,
Flashing its glances backward, but cm one—
-80 answers mine the glowing beams that rise
Softly rtffulguut in your tender eyes. ,
Wl./do 11 owe you ? Sec tbo shining river
Tossing it crystal billow a glad and free,
Chanting its murmured melody, “Forever,”
As #mt its waters onward to the sea—
Bo swift the singing streams of passion dart
To ibcet the ocean of your loving heart.
do I love you Y* Tenderly and truly,
With iove that, in my life, has known but one,
Fervently, fondly, passionately, fully,
Deep as the ocean, constant as the sun.
Firm arf the mountain, boundless as the sea,
C hangefosH and endless as Eternity!
■ -*♦—
[From the New York Bay Book.]
Riddles Whose Solutions Startle.
This is sn age of ltfldles. How Grant
obtained iiis “jeputntiou” ns u “great”
General has always been a riddle to mili
tary men of science. That the North
forced the South to succumb is easily ex
plained. The North lmd twenty millions
of population and the South had eight.
The North gave Grant rnrtr Munch; for as
many men as he needed. He slaughtered
them as the butrhf rs do sheep for the
market. Eight millions of people, whose
homes were on one side.of Mason and
Dixon’s line, kept twenty millions of
people, whose homes were on the other
side of Ma-soli and Dixon’s line, at bay h r
four jVugj, spite of the Northern reckless
ness of human life. The latter hull plenty
of war resources, the former had but u
wry limited amouut, nml it was soon <x
hiinstuU; but the war kept tip year after
the Murpriae of the world. Mor
ally, the South toe v >. torv, but tie
North won the t>uch uts it war .
The real tiiilitiiry tali'ii!, tin* moral ['lnch,
the endurance, tin* patience, tin- true oo .r
--itge, were with tin- fSontli, mid Lee will
have the historical record of heiug hy fur j
the military superior of Gen. Grunt. The I
‘•fame’" otXJniut. tlie military riihile, made !
him President. Since that cuLuaitoiis!
event he lias been a political riddle.— !
His ignorance of the science of govern
ment is ns great as his ignorance of, oe
utter indifference to, the laws of common ,
morality, and yet he Ims been politically i
jsipnDr! Grant had a bitter and open
quarrel with Hen Butler, one of the most
desperate political adventurers this country
♦vor gave birth to, but found it policy to j
jmak friends with the “beast.” Unprin
cipled and hold, Hutler is ready to lend
his unmistekahlc ability to any scheme
that will advance his ow n interests, even
to the tearing down of a Hcpublic and the
creation of an Empire on its ruins. If
Grant i* to play the Caesar, he could find
in all the powerful knavery of this profli
{ ate age no abler assistant than Ben Butler,
and tints, after the conflict w ith him, these
two desperate revolutionists, recognizing,
oicli tl>u -other's mad ambition, and the
services they eould in their respective po
sitions perform for mutual benefit, patched
up u peace, nnd secretly agreed to “go in”
and gather the spoils, tor the benefit of
themselves and Untie posterity. “Conquer
and divide” is still the dream of both, end
if an Empire can be set up on the soil of
the Republic of the United Stales, there
are not in the whole cabal of political infa
my, which curses this afflicted country, an
other two men so likely, so able, or so
anxious to undertake the job. Perhaps
the remarkable harmony now existiug be
tween Grant and Butler is not to-day one
of the puzzling riddles of this period; and
though it is known that Butler bates Grant
with an intensity that burns in his bosom
like a volcano, the present relation of the
two men is startling anomaly not difficult
to solve. In the third term seheme Butler
has engaged openly and defiantly. It is
said to-day in Washington, from now on
the administration is Butler, not Grunt.
He is -the Richelieu to the imbecile hut
ambitions Tjoiiis. Graut is President only
in name. Iti the desperate garno to held
on to power, GraDt places his fortunes iu
the hands of Butler, and takes what turns
up. Ben- will be ruler, bo it Empire or
Republic that be secures ostensibly for
the autocrat of the White House; and the
man with the evil eye will have the lion's
share of the honors (!) and the spoils.
Butler is Dow speculating upon nuother
civil war, not in whispered tones, hut in
calm, measured, cool, emphatic, loudly-de
livered accents. “If lam not oomfortahle,
it is not because I am not hammered, in
side nnd outside my party. I should have
\eeu disappointed in not gettiug abuse in
so'good a cause; but I am sad! in the view
of live future. Thin country luis not seen so
dork ■ My since I put the Massachusetts
militia, oil a war footing by tlie order of
Governor Andrew in 18C0. Nations drift
ifito wura against tire better judgments of
r
(£a lhfytf# 3n&rpcn&cnt.
VOL. IT.
contending factions.” “My trust” (the
blasphemous wretch! oven now, with Gen.
Grant, steadily plotting, and itching for
; the pandemonium of bell to set iu once
| more, that ho may Hot in plunder and Inst
j as before) “is in an overruling Providence,
j who onn avert the impending evil." "Tbo
j people of the United States will contest
! the election of any President iu 1870, by
j the votes of Southern States, controlled by
| Ku-Klux and White Haiders." “Force is
i tbo ruliug power there, not the peaceful
j ballot.” “I fear the commotion which
may arise out of the very counting of the
electoral vote.” “The only hope of peace!
lie* in the firmness of the man in the Execu
tive chair.” “I fully endorse all that
Sheridan did, because, lmd I been there,
I should have done all that—and more.”
Thus talks Butler to-day. Now, Ben But
! ler, in this undisguised expression of
I “ hope, ’ “fear," nud “belief,” simply
| echoed the views of his partner in the Ex
! eentive chair. Can the white men of the
country, North, South, East and West,
i solve this riddle thus thrown upon the
i country by Grant’s Kicliclieu? The ad*
venturer in the White House said to him,
| "Butler, you and I cannot afford
. rel. We are. the very men for each other
in this crisis. 1 want perpetual power. I
! need rare counsel. I want a man like
1 yourself to put the scheme through. Go
iiu with mo. Help me to win, and we will
'divide the spoils. I care not whether 1
am the ostensible bead of an Empire or a
; Republic. It is all the same to me, so long
!ns my administration is a permanency.
You can be mv Richelieu, and I will he
your weak Louis, if you please. Only
leave me the spoils—barring u fair amount
,to yourself and you may govern.”
White men! these riddles are grave
rather than entertaining. We all, who be
, lieve iu the preservation of the American
Republic, bad better prepare for their eon
stitntiouul solution. If war again curses j
this country, it will have been batched by j
Grant and Butler. Let the penalty lie |
visited upon their heads through such a
ballot box expicssion in 1870 as will make !
an end forever of all further schemes at
Empire. Though Grant and Butler de
serve the baiter for their efforts to provoke
the war they'now harp upon, the Amerieau
people ilo not want their miseratde lives. :
An infamous obscurity through the verdict
of the American ballot box would be by ,
far tlin better punishment. To live, hated j
and ill spised by the world, is lu ll itself,
compared to which death, and utter obliv
ji Li, won!! be heaven,
, ...
Particulars of he Massacre of the Pres
byterian Congregation at Acapulco, .!
ULizlco.
Nr.w Volts, March 121. The lhruUf* j
Acapulco correspondent gives details of:
the terrible religions massacre iu that town !
on tlm night of January 120. The Rev.
Mr. Hutchinson, pastor of the Presbyte
rian congregation of the City of Mexico,
was invited to Acapulco Inst year by a law
yer named l’roeopio Diaz and others to
organize anew congregation, the nucleus
of which bad already existed nearly u
year.
Finding no suitable substitute, Hutchin
son came down in December and took
temporary charge of the new church.—
About ninety persons were found desirous
of embracing the new doctrine, and an old
vacant Catholic church was rented, mnl on
tlie 24tli of January was opened in due
form, Hutchinson preaching twice that
day.
During the previous month threats had
been thrown out by the adherents of Cath
olicity against their religions opponents.
The former claim to have been systemati
cally insulted by the Protestants, who hail
a small newspaper organ. Tim latter eu
| evgetieaily deny that they had done any
: tiling more than to fairly discuss sectarian
| dogmas.
Prayer meeting was held hy Mr. Hutch
inson on the evening of the ‘2sth, anil n
j similar gathering was agreed on for the
following evening.
This meeting was held, hut Hutchinson
was ill and -tumble to lie present. The
Protestant church has only two doors,
both opening on the street. One was
j closed, and the other, that nearer to the,
| town, was open. In front of the door and
' between it and the street a tree grows.
Under the shade of this tree, and at either
■sideof the door, watching the proceedings
within the church, the assassins, number
ing some Jo or It) meu, took their stand.
Proeopio Diaz had addressed the con
-1 gregatiou iu the place of the absent tniuis
| ter, and they were singing a hymn, when
, eight or ten of the cut-throats outside en
tered, and, dividing among themselves,
j occupied stands near either side of the
; pulpit.
Without giving any sign of warning
whatever, these incarnate devils bared
their murderous machetes, iiud commenced
au indiscriminate slaughter pf the peaceful
j inmates of the chnreh—not entirely indis
-1 criminate, for the leader of the murderers
anil one of his men marked out Diaz
,as their special victim. A couple of ma
-1 elude blows were aimed at his bead, which,
if received iu full force, must have termi
nated his existence. As it happened, lie
had sufficient presence of mind to dodge
1 his head behind the pulpit, and a portion
\of the board was cut through before the
weapon reached the mark. 110 drew a pis
tol and tried to fire, but the assailants
were too quick for him, ami the leader in
; dieted a ghastly gash on his pistol-hand.
: While this was passing, the lieiMic wife of
QUITMAN, GA., SATURDAY, APRIL 3, 1875.
Diaz picked up a chair, rushed npbn one
of her husband's would-be-murderers, pin
ned him to the wall, aud by main force
wrenched the machete from his bloody
hands. With this sbo still defended her
self and hastened to the aid of Piaz. Per
ceiving a favorable opportunity, sho said
to her husband, “Now tire." Ho did so,
and fatally shot the leader.
Within the chnrcli a bloody and mur
derous hand-to-hand fight was waged for
six or eight minutes. The machete [was
wielded with fearful effect Human flesh
was cut and gashed like bullock meat,
while blood streamed in torrents over the
floor now encumbered by dying aud wound
ed men aud women.
Ten or a dozen shots wero fired, nud n
few from the assailed, some of whom had
revolvers.
At the commencement of the onslaught,
tlioso who were near the door attempted
to escape. This was a fatal mistake, for
ns the worshippers gained the street they
were deliberately cut down by the ambush
ed ruffians stationed on both sides of the
door outside,
In this way the American citizen, Henry
Morris, met his death. His head was
nearly severed from his body by a machete
blow, and his chest cut open nt a single
stroke. Ho and two other men and women
were killed outright, and eleven wounded
more or less severely, of whom several
have since died.
Morris waa a colored man from Boston.
Ho leaves a wife and several children.
The massacre commend'd about ten min
utes nfter eight o'clock, and lasted only six
or eight minutes. The first news which
the authorities had of it was from a wound
ed man, called Juan El Negro, who made
his way to Iho J’lnz, and at a drug store
there was met by Major Francisco Mejia,
in command of a few Federal troops stu
tioued about Acapulco. Mejia at once
started on the run to the scene of action,
some four hundred yards off, and a fr\f
minutes later the town police, followed
soon after by Federal troops from the Cas
tle, were on the ground.
More than five minutes could not have
elapsed before the closing of the battle to
tlie time when the authorities reached
their posts. As usual iu such cases, the
police mnl allies came too late. They got
to the battlefield only in time to pick up
the dead and wounded, but not early
enough til arrest upon the spot or follow
up any one who could he immediately rec
ognized as a participant iu the dreadful
tragedy.
One ofihe assassins, who was deaperate
ly'woundcd and could not get out of the
way, was taken into custody ami placed in
close confinement. Ilis deposition has
been taken, in which, of course, it appear
ed that be figured as a spectator only. A
couple of other won in led men were appre
hended, but ns nobody has appeared to
implicate them, the prosecution tnny he
looked upon as abandoned.
Gems of Thought.
If rich, be not eluted : if poor, bo not
dejected.
Too Fast. —We are all living too fast.—•
The man who is always in a hurry gene
rally has it is own work to do over again,
besides being more liable to trip up and
(hid himself sprawling in the mud.
Happiness and Borrow. — If mortals
would only look at the subject rationally,
they would see that it is enough happiness
to bo free from sorrow, and not bring koj
rovv upon themselves by pining for happi
ness.
Good Words. —Good, kind, true, holy
words dropped in conversation may belit
tle thought of, but they are like seeds of
flowers of fruitful trees falling ly the way
side, borne by some birds afar, haply
thereafter to fringe with beauty some bar
ren mountain side, or to make glad some
lone wilderness.
Contrasts. —As the row? tree is com
posed of the sweetest flowers and tlie
sharpest thorns—as the heavens are some
times overcast aud sometimes fair, alter
nately tempestuous and serene—so is the
life of a man intermingled with hopes and
fears, with joys aud sorrows, with pleas-,
: urea olid pains.
' Trials are moral ballast that of;on pre-
I vent our capsizing. When we have much
j to carry, heaven rarely fails to flt tlie hack
|to the burden. When* we have nothing
I to bear, we can seldom hear ourselves.—
j The burdened vessel may be slow in reaeh
! ing the destined port, but the vessel with
: out ballast is in imminent danger of not
! reacting it at all.
Humble Services. —Never despise bum
ble services; when large ships niu aground
| little bouts may pull them off.
A man may be excused for being misera
i ble in bis feelings, if be is careful never to
1 lie so iu his morals.
, Flattery is a compound of falsehood,
i selfishness, servility and ill manners. Any
; one of the si; characters is enough to make
' a character thoroughly odious. Who, then,
would bo tho persou, or have any concern
with him whose mind is deformed by four
i such vices ?
.
The future does not come from before
1 M meet us, but comes streaming up from
j behind, over our heads.
Good and Eyin.—A pure soul acts in
simplicity and without certainty, being
| persuaded that what is good comes from
■ above, and wliat is not good from self.
Affliction. —One mouth in the school
! of affliction will tench thoo more than tho
great precepts of Aristotle In seven years,
for thou eaiist never judge rightly of liu
! man affairs unless thou hast first felt the
! blows aud found out tho deceits of for
tune.
Wit and Judgment. —Mr. Locke very
justly and finely observes of wit thut it is
chiefly conversant in tracing resemblances;
1m remarks at the same time that the bu
| sines.! of judgment ij rather iu finding
differences,,
(From Pomoroy’H Boniournt.]
Dying Hard.
It is said that when "Peter, the Piper,"
blowcd his lost blow, ho kioked very hard,
and the old woman, getting mad, asked
him why ho couldn't he "(lucent about It
uml like other folks, and not bo nfther
knocking things around that way. ” Thus,
when tho debauched, imbecile and crimi
nal Radicals of the Forty thhd Congress
were blowing their last blow and wallow
ing in their own filth, they kicked over
every honest nial honorable precedent and
preoept of true government, every law of
! right and justice, and every pretension to
decency and truth. They kicked so hard
they exposed all the foulueas Skat had been
hidden away urf . r tho cover. These Rad
icals of Congee * have been like a gnng of
sick negroes in a log cabin, who have been
in active operation at both ends, liko a vol
cano with two craters, until they have cov
ered everything with filth, while they
would yell and groan and roll tho whites of
their eyes, and kick and raise more noise
and stink than the doctors could quiet and
fumigate. But, at last, tlioso black rascals,
who ate tbo Credit Mubilier green plums
and the wormy apples of Pacific Mail, and
squirming cheese of rings and jobs, after
being dosed w ith the ipecac and vermifuge
of the November election, they have kick- j
ed their last kick and gone home to the
devil. In their last moments, they have i
had some hmmgs of conscience; they tried j
to pray, as they thought of all their vil- [
lainy, aud to look like saints; but the devil i
clapped his paw on tho Radical crew, nud
they have gopo where tho black angels i
go.
Never before lias a Congress assembled
with so little good accomplished and so
much harm done ; never before has u Con
gress come together Willi so much conspi
racy in their hearts against the public
good, or with such a positive determination
to rob the people and oppress a section of
the country by every usurpation and in
dignity that cun be heaped upon a suffering
people by carpet-bagging their State gov
ernments and Africanizing their society.
The infamous Civil Rights bill w hich the
Radicals of Cougrnss have forced upon tho
South is just the same nature of outrage as
if one neighbor should force another
neighbor to invito dirty loafers to a party
lie bad given to bis children iu his own
house, or should force that neighbor to
seat bis servants at the table with his fam
ily nnd in bis ; n lor, against his will and
earnest remonstrance. No one ever at
tempted such an imposition on a neigh
bor. A man’s house is his castle, and a
State is tho castle of its people, against
whose rights of self government the nation
Ims no authority to trespass. The nation
has no right to forso paupers on u free and
sovereign Stale by national laws, which re
quires the people of that State to admit
pauperism to social rights, any more than
the nation has a right to force a patient
from a small-pox hospital into a gentle
man's parlor with his wife and children.
There is but one principle of right and
justice in the matter, nnd that is for each
State to bo left to the exercise of her own
God-given right of self-government and in
ternal regulation; and if paupers, negroes
and any other class do not like the laws of
that State, let them get out and go to a
State whose people will cat anil sleep with
them, and marry their daughters to them,
even though they be us black us the ace of
spades. The national government might
us well regulate the law of marriage or di
vorce in the States, or the number of car
riages which should be allowed at. a funeral,
or the number of women permitted to kiss
tho new baby, as to attempt any regulation
whatever of the internal affairs of u Stato ;
and tlie imposition of the Civil Rights bill
on the Southern States is as damnable as
perdition.
No wonder this Congress Ims kicked amt
died with a foretaste of tiro aud brimstone;
and if we ever have another Radical crew
iu the councils of the nation, they should
be treated as were tho cruel sepoys in the
Indian mutiny —blown from the mouths of
cannon, loaded with manure.
A Young Woman's Vow.
“Sergeant, will you permit me to see
| what drunken women you have arrested
i to-night ?” asked a neatly-dressed, stout,
i intelligent looking young girl, of Sergeant
: Minikin, of tho Mulberry street police.
The request, although contrary to police
rules, was granted, ami the youiijj woman
went down into the cells. Coming hack iu
! a few minutes, slm showed the names of 2
' prisoners whom she said she would assist
! in their trouble.
“Sergeant, ns you semu astonished at
[my visit.” said Annie Kennedy,” I will
! tell yon its purpose. Three weeks ago I
i took the first glass of wine I over took iu
imy life, at a friend’s house. While going
home, I felt its effects and came to this
1 station, told you of my mishap, and you
I allowed mo to sit iu your back room.—
While there, I saw miserable women drag
j ged in. Since then I have gone night nf
j ter night to tho different stations in this
i city iu the hope of being able to reclaim
or assist poor women. You will find tuy
name iu your own blotter. I have deter
mined to devote my life to assisting io re
i form poor women,”
i There was not a dry eye in the police
j station as Annie Kennedy, bowing to her
! hearers, quietly went out, Nmti York
, Hun.
A boatman lately pulled ft would-be-sui
cide out of Lake Geneva. Au hour or twQ
afterward, the boatman discovered fl (< ;
same man bunging by the neck to
but did not interfere this time, The mag
istrate summoned him to answer why be
did not prevent the suicide, ~ud bo replied!
that be supposed the urnUem.an had
Using Lim-clf tip to dr*-., '***•
Going to the Dentist
I liko to entne serosa a man with the
tooth-ache. Thero is something so pleas
ant about advising him to stuff cotton iw
ft, to nso camphor, creosote, poppnrmiut,
and “relief," that I always feel better nfter
giving it.
I have been there—had an aching snag
—and I know just how it feels. It used to
wake me up at night, aud mako me mad
at noon, nud set mu to swearing early iu
the morning,
I didn't meet man or woman hut what
they advised me. One said that a hot knit
ting kueedle pushed down on the root wus
excellent; another suid that opium was an
excellent thing; aud others Nuid that it
must he dug out by the dentist.
If I sat down to dinner, that old tooth
began to growl. If I went to bed, of got
up, or went to a party, or stayed at home,
it growled just the same.
It wasn't always a growl. Sometimes it
was a jump that made my hair eland tip,
and ngniu a sort of cutting pain that made
me make up faces at the baby, and slain
doors, and break windows. I ate cotton, ;
pepperiuiut, camphor aud opium until I
got black iu the face, and that old song
kept light on. I put bags of hot ashes to
my cheek, applied mustard, held my head
iu the oven, took a sweat, and tho ache
still ached.
After the third week, neighbors didn’t
dare to let their hoys pass my house, and
hawkers and book canvassers went round
another street. I was becoming a menag
erie, and at last I decided to have my tooth
out. I decided to, and then I decided not
to. I changed my mind four times iu one
afternoon, and at last I went.
The dentist was glad to see me. He said
that if he could not take tho tooth out j
without hurting me, he would give me a J
million.
It gut easier ns he talked, and I ttonelu-'
ded not to have it pulled. I started down ;
stairs, but a jump caught me, and I rushed
back. He said he would look at it; per-!
haps it did not need pulling at all, but he j
could kill the nerve.
By dint of flattery he got me into the!
chair. Tin'll lie softly inserted a knife, and
cut away the gums. I looked up, and said
I would kill him, hut tie lagged me not
to—said the cutting was all the pain there
Was iu it. He finally got me to lie hack
and open my month, and then he slipped
in his forceps, and closed them round the
tooth.
“Ohsordorordoubordoroaoforsor I" I ex
claimed.
But he didn’t pay any attention to it.—
He drew in a full breath, grasped the for
ceps tightly, and then he pulled.
Great spoons 1 lint didn’t it seem as if
nip head was going ! I tried to shout,
grasped at him, kicked, and then lie held
up tlie old snag, and said—
“ There, I guess you won’t feel any more
aching.”
I leaped down and hugged him. I prom
ised biin ten milliutis ; I told him to make
my house bis home forever; I bogged him
again. I shook hands with everybody in
tlie street, kissed my wile, bought tlie ba
by a dozen rattle-boxes iu a heap, aud it.
seemed to me us if the world was too small
for mo— l Was so happy.— Dunberry News.
In connection with tho above, our devil
.-ays that a good way to cure the tooth
ache, if you don’t want to have tho tooth
pulled, is to fill your mouth with vva
ter, climb up on a red-hot stove, sit down
on it, and wait till the water boils.
Power of Imagination.— Our readers
are probably familiar with the story which
relates the fate of a murderer, who, being
banged—badly liauged'—came to life again
anil found hnuself upon a dissecting ta
ble. fio overcome was lie by tho horror of
the situation that, after one moment of
breathless agony, life left him. The man
was slain by his own imagination. Another
instance of this kind io afforded by the
experience of a young married woman,
who dreamed that she would die on the
first anniversary of her wedding day. To
her husband and her relatives file men
tioned her strange dream on several occa
sions, and it seemed to prey upon her
mind. At last the dreaded day came—the
fifth of the month ; anil so impressed was
silo that it would be her last day upon this
earth, that she actually made a present to
one of her friends of a sum of money
with which to purchase mourning. Strange
to say, before midnight arrived tho poor
w oman was a corpse.
Long and Short Life. —The man who
lives abstemiously, who avoids all stimu
lants, takes light exercise, never overtasks
himself, indulges in no exhausting pas
sions, feeds bis mind and heart on no ex
citing material, has no debilitating pleas
ure, lets nothing ruffle his temper, keeps
his “accounts with heaven aud man squared
up,” is sure, barring accidents, to spinout
his life to the longest limit which it is pos
sible to attain ; while ho who incessantly
feeds on high seasoned idyll, whether ma
terial or mental, fatigues his body or brain
by land labor, exposes himself to inflam
matory disease, seeks continual excite met;
gives loose rain to his passions, frets at
every trouble, aud enjoys little repose, is
Burning the caudle at both ends, and is
jure to shorten his days.
SI ask Ykji.s.—A coquettish accompani
ment to the feminine toilet is the little
veil of black luce, ft must liuvu been iu
vented by some pretty woman, to whom
the black velvet masks of olden time were
very becoming. They have very nearly
tbe Hainan-fleet ; like the mask, the little
veil brings out the brightness of the eyes,
the lose of the complexion, and the car
mine of tbe lips. All the little black dots
seem like so many patches, like tboso our
grandmothers used to wear to heighten;
thoi. beauty. AU women'avo charming un
der little veil Jit loaves so much to ho I
imagined, tbo grand principle that a wo
man who wishes to please should thor
oughly nuderstaud.
A model epitaph :
‘•Heralies the body of Mrs. Juue Dent,
Who kicked up her heels, and a Way she
went,"
Another :
‘‘Beneath these stones
Lies Hubert Jones.”
; “His nftwp mis B'uttlii 11 didn't
| .. .. __
Wi,uy the postmaster of Vicksburg was
on Uki dying bed, titer day, twenty
f eight, men hiliimn pa** his house with pe
| title us praying that; they might be made
yot^pestcr.
Th# Man Who Sworo Off.
He had been in the habit of taking three
or four “nips "per day for tho last fifteen
years, hut on New Your’amorning he arose
and Hnid to his wife :
“Mary Jane Shiner, hero I’vo been
squandering nt least 11 dollar per week for
more than a dozen years I”
“But I thought you said a glass now and
then would aid yuur digestion," she re
plied.
"Ail fudge and nonsense !” ho contin
ued ; "that was only all excuse to,satisfy
my conscience,”
“And I'Ve board you say that it made
you sleep better—helped you to have a
clear head,” she said.
‘ Nonsense - worst kind of bosli I I’ve
drnuk up 8800 iu the lust dozen years, nud
it hasn't benefitted mu one cent,”
“Well?”
"Well, I'm going to quit. I’m going to
commence now. No more drinks for Shi
ner nfter this I"
“Good boy—noble husband,” she said,
patting him on the chin ; “now you begin
to talk like a Roman— now you uro going
to test your stamina 1”
Shiner felt puffed up with pride f>r an I
botir or two, aud then ho began to feel a
goneness along down his throat. He drank
waiter, cold coffee and milk, and got
through with the day, although when ho
went to bed he dreamed that he was a
flask of brandy, and that a member of
Congress wus carrying him in bis coat-tail
pocket. At midnight ho awoke with his
thumb in liia mouth, just ou the point of
taking a drink, and at daylight lie inquired
of his w ile whether it was the year 1875 or
1871).
That afternoon, while ho sat in his of
fice, a wenk-looking stranger entered, took j
a paper from his pocket, and suid that he
was soliciting aid for tile Kansas grasshop
per sufferers.
"Grasshoppers liebnnged !” exclaimed j
Shiner. “Tho Ticxt fraud who comes iu j
here w ill get his neck broken I”
His chief clerk spoke to him about or
dering some goods, and lie whirled round
and said be wouldn’t order auothcr dol
lar’s worth in ten years. Another young
man eaine to secure a place, and Shiner
threw tho coal-stove shaker at him and hit
him on the ear.
When lie went to dinner lie flattered
himself a little that he had succeeded in
curbing bis inclimitio i to drink, nnd bis
wife putted him on tho shoulder und whis
pered :
“Samuel, you have got moro stamina
than the Czar of Russia !”
Going down town again, ho entered a
saloon, and asked the saloon-keeper if he
honestly thought that a moderate amount
of brandy would affect the health. The
saloon-keeper was sure it wouldn’t. The
bottles looked good to Shiner, and there
was a pleasant smell ns he leaned over the
liar. .
When he reached bis office, lie kicked a
chair over, hoisted the spit tonus across the
room, nml sat down and dated a letter ’77.
A lady called to have hill) subscribe for a
new Sunday school, uud he bristled up
aud yelled ;
“No, sir—not a rod ! Sunday schools
are killing the business interests of this
country 1”
Alter about an hour, lie went out and
asked a doctor if he thought, three drinks of
gin per day would hurt any one. The
doctor thought not, if they were light
drinks. Returning to tho office, Slliuer
tinntoil up an old brandy bottle, and sat
and held it a long time, and wondered bow
they were made, aud then threw it in tlie
coal box anil went out on the street, and
asked a life insurance agent if two or three
drinks per day would hurt a man. Of
course they wouldn't, replied the agent.—
Going home to supper, Shiner asked three
more meu, and they all replied “no.”—
When lie reached home, he said the biscuits
weren't fit for cannibals, gave the girl
warning te leave, and culled his wife’s
brother, w ho was Ibcro on a visit, a hump
backed, willful liar.
When tjjliiner went down town in tlie
evening, lie asked three more doctors if a
little brandy was hurtful. Then lie went
into a saloon and called for some pop. He
was a good while iu drinking it, and then
he asked to look at the label on a brandy
bottle. Wlicn lie bad read it, be look to
sec if the cork was in very tight, and be
asked the saloon-keeper if he thought
brandy would hurt any one.
When Shiner reached home that night,
he threw his wallet at his wife, told the
hired girl she might stay there five thou
| sand years, begged liis wife’s brother’s
! pardon, and, as he turned a handspring in
the parlor, he broke out with :
“So, farewell, Mary Ann,
You must do tlie best you call—,"
Slliuer was tight.
M. Quad.
Picking up a Yv asp. —A West Hill min
ister picked up a frozen wasp oil the side
walk, with a view to advancing the inter
est of science. He.carried itinto tiie house,
nnd held it by flic tail while lie warmed its
ears over a lamp chimney. His object was
to see if wasps froze fo death, or merely
lay dormant during the winter. Ho fe of
opinion that they merely lie dormant, and
of the dormant! st sort at that, and when
they revive the tail thaws first, for, while
this one’s head, right over the lamp, was
so stiff and cold that it coahl not wink,
its probe worked With such inconceivable
rapidity thut the minister couldn’t grasp
fast enough to keep up with it. He threw
the vicious thing down the lamp chimney,
and said he didn’t want any more truck
with a dormant wasp, at which his wife
burst into tears, and asked liovv ho, a min
ister of tho Gospel, could use such lan
guage, right before tlie children, too.
The “tail hold” lias long been said to be
a good obCi hut that parson believes, (and
we’ll go our bottom dollar thut he does,)
that he tackled the wrong tail that time.
Dok't ma too Hasty.—Julia—“Oh, Car-1
I rie, I’ve got anew feller —perfectly r.plen- j
I did 1 Tbe other one was too miserable for
! anything.” Bings Overhears this extraor
| dinary language of his beloved Julia, and j
thinks 0 ft!! over with him, and that the .
1 world is hcdlow. Poor “feller,”—how is j
j ho to know the dear girl was talking about ,
her sewing machine 1
The Buitiui of Turkey employs in his;
I puluoe. (1,000 servants of both sexes. He
1 pays and feeds 300 cooks, .100 gardeners,
.500 coachmen, and 000 more to do odds
and ends about the house. To feed these
: people, I,‘iOO sheep and §.OOO fowls are
| killed every day, and 00,000 francs for
| lights are expended. Lully for him I
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
Mrs. Glibbin snya hor bnshand is like u
tallow-candlo; ho always will smoko when
he goes out.
Tw o things in this world that should not
ho trifled with—a woman’s opinion, and
tho business end of a wasp.
“May heaven bless and keep you from
yonr own true love, Benjamin Herrick,"
wus tho way the letter ended.
"Teeth in exchango for wheat, pork or
potatoes,” is what an enterprising dentist
in one of tho Htutu towns advertises.
-A grocer, when complained to about m3*
ling hud eggs, suid : “At this season th
hens ain’t tft.v and very often ly bail
eggs-”
A voters •' shopkeeper soys that although
his clerks aro very ti.lkntivo during tho
day, they nro always ready to shut up nt
night.
Josh Billings says j “ There ain't anv
thing tlrut Will eoVojrh'tfty 'eve laziness,
though a second wife bins b i ’thowu to
hurry it some."
A Rhode Island woman says that she’ll
rather Imvo tho nightmare seven straight
nights than tell her husband that the flour
barrel is empty.
Miss Eastman, in her woman suffrage
argument up at tiie State House, used tho
simile : “Eyes as bright as buttons on an
gels’coats.” Hilo’s getting brassy.
Give yonr sou a good education and *
settled purpose iu life, and when be is it
man ho will not be content to sit back of 4
grocery store and orach his finger-joints.
The Now Haven Register says that rtk
actor at one of the theatres was called out
three times in one evening not long ago—
twice by the sheriff and once by the tuilor.
Yea, and iiis washer-woman, it ii said, was
standing by, ready to remind him of his
indebtedness to her, but tho tailor, being
ahead of her, skinned the actor of all he
made that night. Hhp announced to tho
audience, however, that tiie wesh-board
would come into play on tiiancxt evening.
We don’t wish our head was ou the shoul
ders of that notor. .
Ail Annapolis man rode clear to Savan
nah to lick a follow who called him n liar,
and the undertaker said ho never saw t
dead man look so much like a quarter of
beef.
NO. 47.
A little American lad who bail just com
menced reading the newspapers asked his
father if the word “Hon.” prefixed to tho
mono of a member of Congress meant
“honest.” The parent referred his son to
Ben Butler as being the man nml member
most eapuble of imparting the desired in
formation.
Said a pompons husband, whose wiCo
had stole np behind nml given him a kissj
“Madam, I consider such an net hidee* -
rous.” “Excuse me,” said the wife, “{
didn’t know it was you.” The husband
felt pleased just then, and looked lovingly
ut his wife—“in a horn.”
A little girl asked a minister : “l)o you l
think my father will go to heaven ?” “Why
yes, my child. Why do yon ask?" “Well,
because, if lie don’t have Iris own way.
there, lie won’tstay long, I was thinkiug.”
These college titles are becoming too'
numerous. They would put aD. D. on
to a fiddle.
We don’t believe the last rumor. Anna
Dickinson could no more be a circus-rider
than she could lly.
“Johnny, w hat are yon doing, my son?”
“Oh! nothing, only trying to hit Frank on
tho fingers with the hatchet.”
lied used on a railroad signifies danger,
and says stop. It should be so construed
when displayed on a man’s nose.
A woman in Dawson, Go., accidentally
bit her tongue off the other day, and sineo
that, her husband gets homo every evening
two hours earlier than usual.
Miss Nilsson has been ordered by her
physician to a warmer climate; but Mr.
Nilsson says that if there is a warmer cli
mate than tlie one lie has lived in for some
months buck lie isn’t aware of it.
Nellie’s Surtoris lias joined the Washing
ton Gymnasium. It is not the pun—for
wo have used that before—but it in our
anxiety for dear, darling Nellie, which ir
resistibly impels us to remark that these
gymnastics are Sartorisky.
“Why is it,” asks un exchange, “flint
nearly every Senator’s wife iu Washington'
is a handsome woman?” It is simply be- •
cause nearly every (Senator’s wife who is ■
not u handsome woman is left at home.
A policeman met a negro ut night carry- -
ing a tr mk along the street, and Collared !
him. Tho negro explained: “ I)e family
what was boarding me has been axing fur
money, nnd ns dey was gone out to-night
I thought I would get into some family
wliar dey respected de panic. ’
Ned Voso used to travel around Colora
do with a performing bear, but a great
till tinge ciime one day last week, and uo>?
the bear travels around alone, thinking/
over old times, and occasionally leaning np,'
against a tree ns a pang shoots through"
his bowels. Ned is inside that bear.
A Minnesota Judge, in pronouncing tM)"
death sentence, tenderly observed: “If
guilty, you richly deserve the fate thut
awaits you; if innocent, it will he a gratifi J
cation for you to feel thut you were hanged 1
without such n crime on your
in either case you will be deli v( rt it front a
vvoild of care,”
No! no! no! A thousand times, no! IS
must not lie done. A Swede out in Solano 1 '
county, Cal., lias applied to the courts for
permission to change his mime from Peter
Azel Nystrom to John Smith, us if there
were not already John Smiths < nbugh to'
craze atiy one who consults a directory to
find a particular John Smith.
When a girl crops her front luiir, and
pulls it down over her forehead like a
Mexican mustang, and then tics n piece of
red velvet arouuu her neck, who enliven
del- at the number of pulo-fiioed 1 ybiiDg
meu tlmt throw away their muhitiou, anil
puss sleepless nights iu trying to niiso
down on their upper lips?
Non-Observing. —Some people complain
about their children being non-observing,
but we’d like to see the child who Won'lt
observe bow the family pie is cut uud win*
has the biggest piece.
“Jane, wlmt letter in the alphabet dt*
you like best?” “Well, I don’t UJiettssayx
Mr. Suobbs.” “Pooh I Nonsense !:• Tt'fi
right out, Jane. Which dp y.ou like best?”
“Well,” blushing and dropping hr ayes*
"I lilio (n) the best.”
“Why, lohabod, A thought you got mar
ried mure than a year, ago.” “Well, Aunt
Jerusli, it was talked of, but I found uht
thut the girl uud all her folks were opposed
! to it, aud so I just gave ’em all the mitten
i aud let the tluug drop.”
Au inebriate stranger precipitated lrim-
I self down stairs, and, on striking the land
| ing, reproachfully apostrophized; himself
j with ; “If you’d been a-wantin' to coma
! down stairs, wliyiu thunder didn't 1 you say
i so, you woodcn-heailed old' fool, jAm, an
1 I’d 'a cornu with you, am show,ml,‘you tho
! way?”