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• ‘ man."
+*+♦+**♦+*♦*+•
BEFORE MARRIAGE, 8ay.
woman, when you're young and
fair
much adorned, your beauty
thrills;
i,;o to »•« you at your beat
o don't have to pay the bills.
KNEW V/HO HE WAS ASKING FOR.
“1^ the man of the house in?” asked
the canvasser.
“.Vo,” replied the timid man who had !
answered the doorbell, "She has just '
stepped out.”
NOT BORN TO BE DROWNED.
EXPLAINING IT,
COLOR SCHEME.
“She Is feeling bad because her hus
band has left her.”
"Sort of a blue grass widow.”
EASY FOR THEM.
"To live long we should make play
out of our work.”
"But we can’t all be musicians.”
A MUSICAL NOTICE.
SUITABLE PRECAUTION,
HIS BAD BREAK.
The singer held her audience.
HIS QUALIFICATIONS.
“A man ought to know a great deal
to run an automobile.”
"Undoubtedly. He ought to be an
engineer, a mechanic and a first class
surgeon.”
Patient—X have come to consult you
.bout my memory, which has been
•■ompletely at fault lately.
Doctor—Ah. very remarkable, but I
ought to tell you beforehand that In
these cases I make it a rule that my
patients pay In advance.
Doctor—How are the pains today?
No better? Then don’t take any more
of the pills.
Patient—I haven’t taken any of them,
doctor.
Doctor—That accounts for it. Taka
them as directed.
‘1 heard Weary fell in d
'Get out! Dat wuz;. ■
■iver and got drowned.”
i-y. You couldn't get him near enough to a river
Mr. Ryder: “Miss Walker, I want to apologize to you for nearly running
over you in my automobile yesterday, but ! am so shortsighted that I really
didn’t recognize you at first”
HIS FATE.
It was not far from the big hotel,
As the moon shone on the sand,
That in love’s sweet dream he began to
swell
. As he firmly held her hand.
BALANCED.
“He Is too strong to work.”
"What does he do for a living?"
"Fortunately he has a weak wife.
SOME USE.
"What Is your favorite animal?"
"Tlio dude. You can borrow money
from him if ho has It.”
FINISHING TOUCHES LACKING.
"Is your new house finished?”
“Not quite. My friends haven't dis
approved of it yet.”
PLAYING SAFE.
"How does it come that you are able
to sell these goods below cost?”
"We bought ’em below cost, ma'am.”
SERVED THE PURPOSE.
"Bought that dictionary yet you were
talking about?”
“No; I married a schoolma’am.” .
MIGHT BE EITHER.
‘He hasn't a straight hair in his
head,
As he held her hand and began to
’ swell,
And the maiden cried, “Oh, my!”
And she hit him quick, arid he quickly
felt—*'
For mosquitoes have .to die.
‘Crook or curly headed?’
TO GIRLS IN GENERAL.
Gather the roses while ye may.
Their petals now are flying.
And those ye lightly pass today
Tomorrow ye’ll be buying.
IN THE CLOUDS.
"Do you think higher mathematics is
of any use to a man in business?”
"He might want to keep books some-
timo In the top story of n skyscraper.”
EVIDENCE.
“Do you think women are braver
than men?”
' ‘VYes; see who they marry.”
IN THE BUSINESS.
“Jones is something of a knocker.”
"Something? Why, he buys his ham.
mers in wholesale lots.”
OF COURSE.
"Oh. doctor, doctor, the' baby has
fallen out of bed! - What shall. I do?”
"Better pick It up. I think, madam;”
NOT A FINABLE OFFENSE.
“Once she was his little petty, but
another man won her away.”
"Case of petty larceny."
A MELON-COLIC INCIDENT.
A GOOD JOB. d
DICKY DUMPLING’S VACATION.
Musician (a few days later): "What on earth is
that?” *
ironmonger: “Your cornet which I have straight
ened for you, sir.”
Musician: “The tube .of niy cornet has got a little
twisted. Can you straighten it for me?”
Village Ironmonger:- “Certainly, sir, it will be ready
in a few days.”
In Practice.
"Jinks is a great
believer in nonre
sistance.”
"Can he support
his theories by ar
gument ?”
“Yes. He gave a
fellow a black eye
the other day who
would not accept
them.”
REASON ENOUGH,
Just His Fad.
“Mamma, why
does Uncle George
sleep in the hen
house?” •
“Why, he does
not.”
"Oh. yes he does.
I heard him say
that he went to
bed with the chick
ens.”
Mm
Deserves the Title
“Pa, what is a
diplomat?”
"A diplomat, my
son, is a man who
can live with his
mother-in - law
without paying
board."
Common Reason.
“Why in the
world did she mar
ry him?”
"Because he
asked her to.”
To Run Up a Bill.
“The doctor pre
scribed a trip to
Kurope for him.”
“But he can’t af
ford it.”
“No. If he could,
the doctor would
have kept him at
home.”
Shy on Uncles.
“Has the tum-
blebug any rela
tions?”
“None to speak
of. Just a few
million ants.”
Parson Hengrab: “Whad maiks yo' look so melon-colic?”
Rastus: “Dis ain’ no melon-colic; jes’ plain stummick ache.
The Father: "Robbie, why don’t you give that candy to baby?”
The Son: "I would, papa, only it’s—it’s so sticky 1 can’t let go.
'My, won't mother be pleased with these water lilies!
DID HE KISS HER?
T o Give Him
Weight.
“He has been
weighed in the bal
ance and found
wanting.”
“Didn’t the
chump know
enough to carry a
few bricits in his
pocket?”
AN ERRATIC CLASSIFICATION
Improved Meth
ods.
,r Y o u n g men
must sow their
wild oats, just as
their fathers did.”
"Not at all. The
young
his by
A RENDEZVOUS.
man
electricity these
days.”
Worked a Good
Thing.
"She doesn’t be
lieve in long en
gagements.”
“No. Just long
enough to have
the man spend all
of his money.”
Quite a Difference.
“I heard that he
had broken him
self of the habit
of drinking.’
“No. He just
broke himself at
the habit.”
Made It Feel Bad.
“Wonder what
makes that baby
cry so."
“It was present
when it was born
and heard what
the folks shid
about its refem-
binnee to its fam-
Way Down.
“He got his edu-
cation in the
school of experi
ence.”
“In the A class,
I presume?”
"No, in the J
He (fervently)—My heart is savin;
things to you that my frightened Up:
—' p to utter.
one (faintly)—Could mine help you?
. here’s luck. ; Last, night's severe :
I believe it is of the rriolfusk family.
The Professor: “I
that valuable sea shell,
But a second later he discovered it was of the carnivorous type.
INDISTINCT PRINT